How do you all handle difficult family members?

[Carolyn R]

Please excuse me for the venting, but how do you all handle non animal family members?

My brother's new wife does not like his dogs, just not an animal lover, but likes to say stuff like, OMG, I want to steal your cat. She is the sweetest cat i have ever seen. My thoughts, which I keep to myself, is no way in H***. Some people just shouldn't have animals, wackadoodle!

Anyhow, my brother is volunteering at a police cadet style summer camp this week. I log onto FB and there is a post from her that says two free dogs, one is 8 and epileptic and eats his own poop so no clean up is needed, the other is 7-8 non shed (not true, he just has short hair) is a wood chewer and loves to have his nails painted, free to good home, LoL.

Given the LOL at the end, I thought it was a sick joke, and she was just frustrated because she needs to watch them while my brother is volunteering at camp. Nope, someone asked if he knew, also thinking it was a joke. Her reply was "what's his is mine, so they are mine to give away, i no longer want them, we can't enjoy them enough, go out of town to much, too expensive to pay someone to look after them"

All I can say is wow, my brother moved her and her kids into his house, dogs were his. Built on an addition for her to have a small day care business, and this is how she repays him.......listing his dogs for free while he is away! Dogs have a large kennel in the garage, a doggie door to the yard and only need food and water while he is gone. My only response, without being too catty was "senior dogs really don't mind hanging out waiting for their family's return just to enjoy a few pats on their head".

Let's face it, when dogs start to get up there, they really just want a roof over their heads, a secure environment and a loving family that is there to offer security and a stable home. Sadly, she must have forgotten that one of the dogs was a rescue and a contract was signed by my brother. If it should ever be surrendered, it must go back to the shelter, not be given away. My brother, in the past, already told her the dogs stay. I can't believe she would do this while he is gone. I know it is for them to work out, but my dear Lord, what a wackadoodle! I can only imagine what she thinks of our animal "infested" home. Why one would post such off key ads on FB is beyond me. Sorry for the vent, still trying to decide if I should message my brother or not. He does not have FB, doesn't like all the drama. How do y'all handle these types of situations?

 

[Matt73]

I would tell your brother STAT! And I'd also ask him what he's doing with a manipulative, over-bearing whack job like that. She sounds like a selfish bitch!

 

[Riverrose28]

You certainly need to phone your brother and tell him in a very nice way, non-confrontational, what she has posted. Hopefully with the awful ad she won't get any responses. Poor dogs. I also feel bad for your brother, he certainly has gotten into a kettle of worms with this one. If he can't trust her to care for his dogs, can he ever trust her?

 

[Debby - LB]

ditto what has already been said. She sure is a piece of work and it's a shame but your brother will wake up and find that out one day. If she's questioned about it she'll just say it was only a joke but by the description you gave I don't believe that one minute. If she'll treat your brother like that behind his back I feel sorry for how his dogs and even her own kids get treated when no ones looking..that's just sad.

 

[Miniv]

Definitely let your brother know...... Copy off the post the woman made and show it to him if you have to, but at least read it to him. If she claims it's a joke, it's a very sick one.

 

[Carolyn R]

My other brother (blessed with close knit, multiple siblings) took it upon himself to capture the page and send it as a pic in a text. I really initially thought she was joking, just overwhelmed while he was gone, guess not, especially aft the second post when someone asked if "Joe knew" she was giving away his dogs. ( the part followed about not having enough time to enjoy the dogs and costing too much when they go away to pay a sitter to watch them). Ugggg, she runs a small day care out of her house, they don't go away that often, she can't leave her clients without a sitter. What a wackadoodle. Not exactly the warm fuzzy individual I would want to entrust my kids to in a child care situation.

Sadly, my brothers own children feel unwelcomed around her, she is constantly posting pics of her kids and my brother on FB, and now this. I can only imagine how his two kids, being average over emotional, hormone filled teens, feel at this point in time being they see her FB posts. I miss his kids dearly, I just wish he would wake up, I sadly don't see this ending well down the road, and I can gaurantee she will be ten times worse then he ever thought his first wife was. It has taken him and his first wife years to iron things out and build any type of bridge for the sake of the kids. I sadly am whole heartedly with his kids on this one, Sorry to overwhelm any of you with this. I am thankful my other brother and his wife stepped in to say something too. I just can't fathem her thought process.

 

[Marty]

This is a mess. Besides telling your brother, I hope you or someone can get over there and rag her out really good. Then, take the animals into your protective custody before she gives them away, or worse. Maybe your brother is already realizing he goofed up. Not like me normally to be confrontational but these animal's lives are in danger.

 

[REO]

Wow

What a &$#*% thing to do!

Are you close by enough to go visit and check on the dogs? I'd be afraid she's not taking care of them. I feel bad for the dogs, for his kids and your brother.

 

[Carolyn R]

They live in Indiana we are in Pa. Sadly not cose enough to go pick them up until he comes home. I am just at a loss for words when it comes to her behavior. We are not talking about 20 year olds here, he is in his forties and she is in her mid thirties. She is old enough to handle herself with a certain amount of grace and dignity, even if they do decide, together, that it is in his dogs need to be rehomed (which I don't think will be the case, he said they were a package deal). I am sickened by her lack of compassion for another living thing or the concern of how hurtful her comments/actions will be to my brother.

 

[romewhip]

How one treats animals is a very good view of how one treats the rest of the world.

 

[JustJuls]

Prayers for the pups that everything turns out well. Does not sound like this woman is a very nice person.

 

[HGFarm]

Your brother MARRIED this gal? OMG... I know what I would do if I was him........

I hope that he has been notified so he can call her and tell her she better not!! That is not fair to him or those poor dogs. I fear that if no one took them she would do something even worse with them... What a #*($(*#&^$#!!!

 

[vickie gee]

The voice of experience concerning past and present:

1. If I have spoken a "hi, or hello, or how are you doing?" more than 3 times at family gatherings or out in public to them 3 and got a look from a mummy or a deaf mute with no acknowledgement that they were even spoken to them I treat them as if they were invisible at any further encounter. (Gus on Lonesome Dove probably tolerated surly bartenders better than I tolerate outright rudeness.)

2. If they think they are some sort of icon due to career, education, or self-perceived good looks, rich man syndrome, small man syndrome, look at me I'm Sandra Dee syndrome, or any superiority complex I try to get a good game of Balderdash started so that I can watch their faces as they get delivered a load of bull poop from me or another fun-loving person in the group.

3. If they say something stupid to try to level a mean spirited blow I smile and come back with something to leave them wondering if I am being a smarty pants, plain dense, or genuinely interested in their stupid question.

4. When they have shown themselves to be really really resistable they get to talk to the machine when they call the house. In other words...nobody is home, for you that is.

What they get from me is really something they have to look for to even know what they are receiving in indifference. It's like blue on black, tears on river, joker on jack, cold on ice. I prefer to leave them wondering if I even notice or care about their behavior.

Above all, act happy around this woman. Show her she is wasting her time trying to be the person who rains on parades.

 

[Carolyn R]

It's not my brother, it's his new wife. I just can't believe she would try to get rid of the dogs while he was volunteering at camp cadet. He's home now, the dogs are still there, he is a bit too proud to bring it up to us, but I know it bothers him.

As per my other post about adding a new addition, trust me, I feel a little bad that my mom is getting a puppy and I know my brother's wife's reaction will be "we would have given you Joe's dogs". We did that once when we pitched together and purchased a lab pup for his kids when they were young, when he divorced, we brought the dog home at ten months and he lived to be 14. We felt responsible. He is the dog my mother dearly misses. Regardless, my brother's dogs, as long as he can help it, are not up for adoption. His wife is very attractive, as in she looks like a life size Barbie doll, no joking, but I feel she is absolutely wretched and shallow on the inside. Only time will tell.

 

[REO]

I'm glad he's home and the dogs are still there!

 

[chandab]

Well, I go shopping with mine... When Shayne and I were engaged, many people commented about how difficult my MIL to be is; she is highly opinionated, stubborn and sometimes very difficult. We get along fine 90% of the time (that other 10%, I usually try to just steer clear), and I don't have much trouble with her myself, but I have definitely seen over the last 11 years why other people think she is difficult and to be frank, think she is a b*tch.