how do you "no way" with our making them mad?

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littlearab

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I have a sisiter-in-law who has a small mini mare she got for her kids to ride. I have never seen it, but was told it was a pretty little sorrel.

She was over yesturday and asked if she can bred her little mare to one of my boys.

I said "yes, no problem". We get to talking about horses and she knows horses has had them all her life, but not much about minies other then they are cute and little. She tells me how her little mare looks funny compared to mine. That she's got cute little turned up face and teeth that, "she looks like she is smiling all the time, with a kinda undebite" and is only 27 inches tall! :new_shocked:

My mind starts shouting "DWARF" ,

Do not worry I know I do want to let her bred she little mare to my stallion. And think she should not bred her at all. Tried to get her tp understand the dwarf issue. I have tried to tell her not to bred this mare, but she says the gal she got her from bred her and she NEVER passed her "fuuny teeth" on to her foals.

UGH

I love to know who sold her this little horse and line of crap.

How do I tell her with out getting the whole family mad at me that she can not bred to one of my boys.
 
I don't see how you can tell her without making her mad. Try sending her to the forum maybe with a picture of her little girl and see what kind of response she gets here? She may listen to alot of opinions given, over just one. Explain there is nothing wrong with owning a dwarf, you are in no way saying she has a bad horse, just not one that should be bred. Explain how hard it would be on her (if she is indeed a dwarf, she could just have a bad bite?) to carry a baby to term, not to menition having it. Before making anyone angry about anything, you may want to look at the mare before saying one way or the other.
 
You tell her with proof. VISUAL AIDS.

Don't know why you would have trouble spitting this out to your family.

Invite everyone for some cake and coffee. You make it. And then sit around the table and discuss this whole situation calmy and rationally.

Go do a search and get all the information you can on dwarfism and their special needs.Ask everyone here with information to email theirs to you. Print it all off and lay it on the table at a family meeting. Get some pictures too.

You arm yourself with knowledge.

It cannot be disputed.

Let your knowledge shine.
 
If it were me, I would just say it straight out...no beating around the bush. Just explain that when you agreed, it was on the assumption that she was a good example of the breed, and now after seeing that she has disqualifying faults, that you are no longer willing to breed to her, because you are breeding only to better the breed.
 
Up front & honest. Tell her it is your responsibility as a breeder to not be a part of bringing a foal into this world that might get the off bite & may not be able to eat properly. Find an article that lists the negatives of an off bite & mail it to her.
 
I'm sorry, but the ideas already suggested, while very logical and understandable to another breeder or serious horseperson, will only sound snobbish and offensive to someone who doesn't even recognize that her horse may have serious defects.

First, take a look at her yourself, so that you know what you are dealing with, and so that you show respect for your SIL's feelings. If the mare does indeed appear to have dwarf characteristics, I would focus on the harm that breeding could do to her beloved mare, that the previous owner was taking a grave risk in doing so, and that you would feel horrible if anything bad were to happen and therefore could not be part of endangering her mare.

Make it clear that your objection (and kind but firm refusal) is based on love and concern for her, her family, and her horse.
 
Don't evn correct her. Just say "hey there is this awesome site with a forum on minis. If there is any questions you have there is tons of info on the topic. If you can't find info there are GREAT people from all over that WILL help you find the answers" with a pitch like that, and her new found darling, she is bound to check out this site!

She may surprise you and start asking your opinion on her little girl as she starts to second guess her choice on breeding.

Promise
 
Honestly, you cannot control her reaction just tell her the truth! Tell her you don't think it is a good idea to breed that mare and why. If she gets mad about it she will get right over it
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Personally, I would keep it real simple and don't try to convince her to agree with you just tell her you don't wnat to breed your stallion to her ebcause of all the problems that can arise.

These situations are never fun and some people will never get it but you will feel a lot of relief if you are upfront and honest
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Good Luck!!
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I think I'm with susanne, for what I'd try.

I would look at the horse myself and I would explain why certain things they are seeing are "problematic" and not just an issue of aesthetics.

Explain to her that while her little horse may be healthy now, there may be internal issues which would cause problems later, and just because she hadn't passed on these traits, if that is indeed true, doesn't mean she couldn't, and much more severely even than she herself.

I know there are a lot of people on here who have dealt with pretty severe dwarfs and know firsthand the heartbreak as well as the emotional and physical trauma of such an event. I have a deep respect for that and you have to explain your feelings to your sister in law in that way, that it is in no way a judgment of "her" but an emotional dedication to everyone's well being that is involved.

I wish you lots of luck with this. Perhaps if she wants other opinions, she could get some addresses of people that determine these things impartially and see what they thought if she were to either have them over to see the mare or send lots of good photos.

Liz M.
 
On all of the mares that I get inquiries on I make sure "before we go any further" on the subject of breeding, that the mare has "correct and straight legs, and teeth, and is registered". Several past inquireres have readily admitted to me up front that the one they intended to breed, had a problem in one area or the other. This "small preliminary step" saves much time, and the uncomfortable position of saying no. I would visit her place personally, at this point, and see for yourself how bad her bite is..then you may "find the courage" to say no, in a tactful way.
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Untill you see the horse in the flesh, you really don't know what she has. So you might just want to go over and see.
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Its not good to assume on these things.
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But I will be looking for an update to see what you found out...
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Praying for the best outcome.
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Joyce
 
I haven't read all the responses but invite her here and to the links on dwarfism. Also you gotta see her yourself first.
 
I could be way off base, but I think if you handle it right, you can educate her and not make her angry (at you, maybe the seller though!) and she will understand you've got her and the horse's best interest at heart.

Show her pictures of dwarves and let her know that the mare has the potential to make something heartbreaking. Offer to help her find a breeding quality mare.

You have her and the animals' best interest in mind, and if I were in her shoes, I would be sad and upset, but not angry at you when you show me examples and I see that you are right.
 
oops, when I edited the post I doubled it.
 
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..........without reading the all other posts I would tell her no problem, BUT before I do ANY outside breeding whether mare registered or not, I must see that the mare is correct in certain areas, ( including bite )and to which stallion she would be most suited. Explain that whether the foal will be registered or not any faults with the foal will reflect back on your boy as the sire. I wish you all the best in this situation as I know how "family" can be.

edited to add. Just remember if you find fault that is not acceptable for breeding point it out to her in a way that you would want someone to show you. If she has a problem with you not breeding her then, then just remember it is HER problem, not yours. Don't let the family decide what YOUR reputation as a breeder should be.
 

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