yes, i did see that part of your post. what i don't understand is this...if you are socking your paycheck away at this point and living off of what he brings home, what are you going without? can he make the house payment? the car payment? put food on the table? make sure your kids have decent clothing? put gas in the car? IF he can do all of these things without your paycheck, what is there left?
i understand your feelings and i understand he has hurt you. i was married for 25 years to a very controlling man. i didn't have a lot of input into what we did with our money. the difference is, he had a 6 figure income. my paychecks were considered "mad money", i did whatever i wanted with them and there wasn't a problem. however, decision making was his and his alone. my input was not asked for most of the time and when i tried to give it, it was ignored. so i do completely understand your hurt feelings, believe me!
i'm glad to see you are both going to counseling but i have to wonder...if all of this is still going on, how much good is counseling doing? maybe it's time to find a different counselor as this one doesn't seem to be making much progress.
i sincerely hope you guys can work this all out. it takes a lot of time. in my case, i simply got tired of it, never sought counseling because the issues were so deep seated, i knew it wouldn't help. we parted after 25 years and while the first couple of years post-divorce were not entirely friendly, we have since reconnected and he and his new wife are absolutely my best friends in the whole world.
when i was divorced and found gary, the difference in the 2 relationships was night and day. i often wondered, over the 12 years gary and i were together until his death, what on earth i did to deserve the perfect man! sadly, 12 years wasn't long enough. a whole lifetime wouldn't have been long enough. in that 12 years, i can honestly say gary and i never had a cross word between us. not one single time did we look at each other cross-eyed and up until the day he died, my heart still skipped a beat every time i heard his voice.
i guess what i am trying to say is this...you love your husband and he loves you. you have children together and you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. whatever issues he has that were there before you met him will have to be worked out. those are things you had no control over and it's sad that he seems to be taking it out on you and the kids.
have you ever considered putting your thoughts down on paper? write him a letter. let him know how much you love him, say it often. let him know he has hurt your feelings but that you intend to stand by him come heck or high water. let him know you will do whatever is in your power to help him get past his demons. sometimes, in the heat of the moment, words are said that cannot be taken back, things are said in anger that are not meant. take some time to really communicate with him. write it down and read it 100 times before you give it to him. obviously, you are willing to work on this and you need to let him know that in no uncertain terms. i have a friend who was in much the same situation as you are in. i suggested this to her. she followed through and to this day, thanks me often. her husband saved her letter and occasionally, he has to go back and read it again. when he does, he is reminded that he is loved and cared for and many days, he comes home from work with a single red rose in hand.
i wish you the best!
