Husband says he is the only bread wnner in family

[Molly's Run Minis]

OMG WOW, I'm speechless.

How, on earth could you "love" a man who is abusive (yes, ABUSIVE) to you but more importantly to your children...do you not think that this toxic environment will change their lives forever! What kind of a man takes his anger out on his wife and children...I'll tell you what kind...an ABUSIVE ONE. You're there because you want to be - if you're self esteem is low enough that you allow yourself to be treated like that - more power to you. It's YOUR choice to allow someone to treat you like that. But your children are innocent bystanders who look to you to make the correct choices for them - which obviously you're not

And stress over money is NO excuse for this behavior...a good man is a good man - there's a difference between stress and abuse.

totally agree!

he sounds very controlling and abusive. he sounds kinda like my dad, whom i cut out of my life a couple years ago and havent regretted it since!

if i were you i'd leave him. it sounds like he has issues he needs to work on before he can commit to a family.

 

[Tremor]

Are we related? Your husband sounds A LOT like my dad.....especially with the childhood that he won't mention.

 

[wade3504]

Ok, first off we talked yesterday and he apologized and he understands that what he said was srong.

With his counseling he is getting better but he still has these up and down moments, good and then bad, good and then bad. I believe he might be bipolar. He has a counseling appointment this Friday so we will discuss it with the doctor. When I say he takes his anger out on us, he says things to me in anger that he shouldn't and he gets short with the kids. He says nothing nasty to the kids and there is no physical abuse. In the past he kept all his emotions to himself and now he needs to learn how to deal with them now that he is opening up.

For those who told me to leave. I will not do that as he is working through his problems and even if I did leave the kids are his, not that I have considered leaving. He does make me mad sometimes though and none of you who are in a relationship can say that you have never fought or been upset with your significant other for something they have said or done.

 

[Katiean]

My EX and I did say EX, always said he paid for everything. OK so this was 20 years ago but, I cleaned the house and if he saw little doggy foot prints in the pile of the carpet he would not believe I vacuumed. I also got $500 a month. I was allowed to buy the household groceries with MY money and was allowed to pay MY car payment. Never mind that I was only allowed enough gas in the car to go to the grocery store. My EX also said I didn't work. Well, now he knows that no one else gets up before he did to make coffee and a hot breakfast while he took a shower. also no one else would warm his clothes in the dryer so he had warm cloths after said shower. Then no one else would go out and clear the snow off of his truck and warm it up so he wasn't cold on his way to work. Then there was the vacuuming, the wood floors, the laundry just all did it' self and dinner was magically on the table when he got home from work.

This man too said HE was the only bread winner in the house. So, now since I left he doesn't even have a house (and no, I didn't take it). He has to live in his fathers basement. A real winner don't you think?

 

[susanne]

I, too, was horrified by your description of his behavior, and would not allow it in my life, BUT...

...the fact that he recognizes that he has a problem and is getting help is HUGE. His personality type makes it very difficult to admit to, let alone seek help for, emotional issues.

Granted, it's difficult to truly understand your situation from a few paragraphs, but I would venture that you are doing the right things by understanding his issues and insisting he work on them, while at the same time refusing to be a doormat.

I would continue to be supportibe so long as he makes an honest effort to improve -- AND continue to call him on his BS!

 

[HGFarm]

This is abusive and it doesnt have to be physical to be abuse. Also, he doesnt have to be mean TO the kids- they see and hear how he treats YOU, and believe me, that is enough!!

Perhaps a complete psych eval would be in order to see what is the problem (bi polar or some other disorder, as meds can help some) and if medication is needed, get on it.

There is NEVER any reason, that a person should be treated like this in a demeaning and belittling manner- apology not accepted. I knew someone years ago in a physically abusive relationship on top of the verbal, and he apologized all the time too- and then did it again- over and over- til she finally left years later. She also 'stayed because of the kids' and both kids are now adults and have horrible self esteem and have been through many bad relationships. He was never physical with the kids either- but they got an eyeful growing up. It is still terribly stressful on children, regardless of their age- and the examples they see are what they pattern themselves to when they are grown.

After being in a verbally abusive marriage with an alcoholic antisocial person who didnt work half the time, and hearing for years how worthless I was, I finally left, and have been enjoying life ever since. Life it too short. And when I hear things like this, all the red lights start flashing....... I could write a book but I am going to jump out of this post as it brings up things I would rather not think about or dwell on ever again.

Me? I would be socking my funds away in my OWN account... until I had enough to leave with my kids.......... He can't get half unless divorce is filed for and then it depends on what is left by that time!