I can't even begin to title this

[dixie_belle]

Sorry ladies, I haven't responded. Not like I don't have the time, obviously. I've got lots and lots of time.

Here's where we stand. Hubby now has to have some sort of eye surgery in Louisville, KY. We go to see a specialist eye surgeon next month. I suspect they'll do one at a time so he can still see to get around. So we have that to look forward to. After that, they want to do cataract surgery at some point. Geez, it's just never ending.

He wants his Parkinson's doctor to up his medication as he is having trouble moving around. (Takes him quite a while to get up off the sofa or out of the car.) And his endurance is extremely limited. His "big" project is painting the 4 x 4 posts for the carport. He paints one post and is exhausted. I could easily finish it in one day but he's gotta have something to do. Most days he doesn't get dressed, just sits on the sofa in his PJ's and does suduko puzzles. And we go days without him actually speaking to me. I say something to him..........no response. I ask him a question: What do you want for dinner? his response: I don't know. How do you feel? I don't know. So I give up. I'm here for him if he wants to talk to me but I'm not going to initiate conversation. It's like talking to the wall.

Have I made any doctor appointments for me? No. I've seen nothing in my circumstances that would make me want to have any sort of treatments for anything.

But, I have been quilting up a storm. I do my little sewing thing, grocery shop, take care of the house, plan for putting in new shrubs around the house, all those things that make me happy. I sit and watch my little wild birds come to my feeders. I'm trying to see joy in my circumstances.

I recently bought a butt load (ok, that's not a real amount....so let's just say it was four giant plastic bags of fabric) and a nice used sewing machine (because you can never have enough sewing machines) for a really good price. I've mailed like 20 packages of fabric all over the place to ladies on my quilting webcite just for the postage. No sense me keeping all that fabric if I'm not going to use it all. And I've invited my cousin, her daughter, and 5-6 friends to come here and spend a day having lunch and making flannel pillowcases. I thought they might enjoy that. I've got stacks and stacks of flannel and they might have fun picking out their fabric and sewing it into a pillowcase. So I'm looking forward to that. I'm hoping they might earn a girl scout badge for sewing? We'll bar-b-q burgers for everyone with chips and baked beans and maybe I'll make my famous banana pudding. Hubby will probably sit on the sofa and not say a word, but that's just the way it is.

So that's what is going on here. Nothing changes. But I am desperately trying to get my feet back under me, find things that make me happy.

 

[Bess Kelly]

You are doing GREAT with making plans to do anything that can bring you comfort and happiness. Your hubby has an illness, others understand. In his "place" mentally & physically, just try to accept "it is what it is". Talk to him with comments that need no reply....."it's lovely out today, I'll be on the porch". Try to compartmentalize some of the things that can seem bothersome to you (such as no replies to questions) because the DH may actually not be able to process things mentally. If you see he is fed, not in pain, etc., then it is a "status quo" situation that just can't be changed, only accepted. My mom's altzhimer taught me that she just could not "process" the simplest of things in her mind anymore -- like not being able to put letters together to write a word. I know, I know, it is soooo hard to watch. On line, I researched her disease and finally realized I was NOT at fault and could not change it. Toward the end of her stay, it was obvious someone else was in her body.....not my mom. I had to deal with that & accept it.

I applaud your making your home & resources a place to have others come to you for their pleasure and your participation & comfort. That is what you will find you will need to do in various stages of this illness. I have found that trying to think of these things as stages in our life -- i.e. you have children, have a time as toddler, progress to school, progress to leaving home, etc -- you can be more objective of the situation. If you can have a mindset that allows you to know this will play out in degrees, you may be able to find some calm. You will grieve, have depression, get yourself medical assistance. Not a shame thing to do. It is OK.

Life does go on. You will be a part of it. Look at all the ways you dealt with the farm sales, move, losses you hated -- you are here with us. The same type of mental lists and timelines will get you through this. I just KNOW it !!

Have an awesome time with the pillow making -- you DESERVE it !!! Make more plans while they are there. We are all here for you, remember to share with us. WE CARE. We listen without any blame, only understanding & wanting to help.

 

[lucky seven]

One step at a time and lean on us, we are here to help. The majority of us have pain in our lives so concider us to be your "sisters".

 

[amysue]

Glad to hear you are making the best of things. Sometimes that is all that we can do. Maybe socializing with your cousin and the girls will improve your spirits, it is always nice to have something to look forward too. Maybe mention hubby's behavior to the doctor, he may very well be struggling with depression, and coupled with his physical ailments that could be the reason for his mood/state. I know it is so hard to not take it personally, but keep trying to think positive so you can stay in positive space.