I have empty nest syndrome

[Marty]

I told the love child he can't move out until he's 40 but he didn't listen. He's only 20 and had 20 more years to go living here with us.

For some reason, the idea of coming home every night after work for dinner with mom and pop and sitting with us on the front porch and watching Lifetime TV with us doesn't thrill him anymore.

His people got a house in the valley outside of town, a really nice big spacious house with a hot tub!

He has been hanging there every night for months anyhow so he just decided to stay and moved in. Its much safer for him to stay there because it will keep him from running up and down these dangeous roads every night, especially in the winter. I have panic attacks when he's late, and he's always late, so this should solve that problem. He'll be close to work, only 5 minutes and save a bunch of money on gas. He is going to have to learn how to budget and pay for groceries and utilities etc and share rent, do his own laundry, cook dinner, wash dishes, etc. which we think will be a very good learning experience.

Problem is, I can't stand it. I want him home.

 

[crponies]

Ah, I am so sorry, Marty. I know your life has revolved around your boys for so long I can imagine this is a difficult adjustment for you. You will make it though. (((hugs)))

 

[kaykay]

My son Kenny just turned 20 and moved out too. Hes been out for about 3 weeks and last night came and asked if he could come back LOL. Seems living with friends isnt all he thought it was going to be. Poor kid has a job that he has to be at work at 630 am Mon thru Fri. His friend has parties every night and Kenny cant get any sleep. He also apologized for all the nights he kept his dad and I up when we had to work. Its been a big life lesson for him. Hes going to stay here until he can find a place with just him and no friends

So you never know Marty he may be back

 

[MeadowRidge Farm]

Awwww Marty, he'll probably come back home dragging his tail behind him.

You know he is going to miss you and Jerry so dang much, and OMG...what is going to happen when the new house runs out of FOOD???? Oh yeah, you'll be seeing alot of him! My son did the same thing...only differance was he moved into our other house with 2 of his friends, right next door...still couldnt stand it and moved back home within 2 months! ...and I wont even mention he ran over to eat supper with us everynight! Second time he moved out, was in with his girlfriend, that lasted for about 1 year, there were engaged, and 2 weeks before the wedding...he came over one night and asked what was for supper (hmmm, that was odd! she never left him come home without HER) OK..he ate, then goes into the spare bedroom, and laid down on the bed (hmmm..two "odds" in a night!) THEN, comes out and asked me to take my pile of quilting material off the bed, cause he was going to "spend the night (Ohhh, lord forbid..3 "odds" at this point I am about to have the BIG ONE!) this went on for a few days, with his girlfriend calling every few minutes, he wouldnt talk to her. Finally he comes in to eat supper and informs us he broke everything off with her. (now that was a reason to CELEBRATE!..and we could of cared less about all the $$ we already had paid into this wedding) yup...he moved back home at the ripe old age of 22...moved into our "other house", about 1 month later, and lived happily ever after until he got married 4 yrs later.

still lives there with his family now..and farms with us. He learned ALOT throughout this all. Including responsibilities. Now, you have time to come and stay with us, for a long extended trip, Jerry and Bob can go fishing, Amy and your other furchild can stay home with Angel, KaJ, Paris and Phoenix. and we can go christmas shopping! Speaking of that...I got the coolest animated 3' woodland bear for by the fireplace this year..see, I am thinking christamas already..what about you?? Do I need to start looking for angles yet?

 

[Just Us N Texas]

When Tina, our youngest, first went to college, I felt the empty nest thing. Then as time progressed, I couldn't wait for her to be home for the week-end, visits, breaks, etc. Then as more time progressed, I couldn't wait for her to come home but I was also waiting for her to leave! Then, when I really was enjoying it, she moved back home again. Change, change, change! You just have to learn to ride with the "punches". If he does stay, in time you and Jerry will get back to the early stages of your marriage when you were all alone, and honeymooners. Believe it or not, you will come to enjoy it!

 

[Sunny]

Marty, does the house Dan will be living at need a....... HOUSE MOTHER?????

 

[~Lisa~]

You know.. I understand but I have to say, while I still have Raven home (well not now) It is kinda nice when they leave the nest. I have a very different relationship with my oldest who is now a Jr in college. we have always been close but it is well I dont know a much more adult relationship now- dont get me wrong she still calls mommy as soon as something doesnt go right lol but I enjoy her being an adult...

 

[bcody]

Marty, I can only imgine how you feel. Mine are 6 and 8 and I can not imagine what it would be like with no kids in the house. OK, sometimes I can LOL!

Just think what a wonderful job you have done so far on raising him that he can be independant at 20. He nows where home and mom is. and he will never forget.

 

[nootka]

Idea: You can come spell me here at my house full of boys. I have three at home: 20, 7 (soon to be 9) and 5. Oh and don't forget the 48 year old! *LOL*

They drive me nuts and pee all over the walls and toilet seat...I could use some quiet!

My thoughts are with you...hope the adjustment goes ok. Congrats and condolences!

Liz

 

[Bess Kelly]

Look at it this way -- you raised him "right", he will be fine. So, enjoy the extra time and reconnect with hubby.

Remember this (from one with expereince) they always seem to RETURN. Occassionally, not alone.

 

[Frankie]

Marty,

I just know you will do great things with your extra time, and somewhat seemingly more clean house!

My oldest son is 32,,when he left I still had my daughter and baby Christopher,,when my daughter left,,I still had baby Christopher,,and now baby Christopher is 16! In a few years they are going to have to add a TON of space to this forum, cause I'm going to need it!!!

At least he is close enough to come home. My oldest son went to Washington state,,my daughter New York. Baby Christopher wants to be a computer geek for Nasa in Florida.

I could take that all personally,,but won't

 

[wcr]

Poor Marty. You are such an earth mother. Despite what you say, you love the messy house and kids running in all the time. I know you will be doubly sad after losing Michael but you will adjust. You have raised him right and he will be fine out in the big, bad world.

Besides, he is 20 and you are cramping his style!!!!

 

[Marty]

The plot thickens: I should have guess it, there's a woman involved!

 

[Crabby-Chicken]

I am sorry you are sad Marty. Mine haven't left yet and I still am terrified of being without them. My daughter is 21 and my son is 18.

Wish you were closer and could set you up to be a partner with some of these little kids in our elementary schools. Lots are already is foster care and look like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. They just need someone to tell them they are important and matter to someone.

Would the Hus consider doing some younger child foster care? You would be the best and the place you live at would be like heave for a horse crazy girl. Just a thought. I know that has its own hazards.

 

[barnbum]

We went from both kids home to no kids home in one weekend. Justin lived home for the first two years of college, then transferred. Rachel graduated from HS a year early and left for college--happened the same weekend. What were the chances of that?

But--Mark and I find now that we love the quiet time. We love the privacy.

We bought kayaks and have paddled on five lakes around us. We go out to lunch afterwards and it's just awesome. Justin is still around for summers and lots of weekends (his college is in the middle of NOWHERE, but he hangs out in town with friends and a girlfriend every late afternoon and evening. They all hang out at the pier, then go hang out at Tim Horton's once the pier is closed. Rachel is living off campus at college, so stayed there for the summer to take classes and work. She's only an hour away..so when I miss her too much, I call and ask when's a good day to come. Then we go to lunch.

Give it time, Marty... use the time to get closer to hus...

Foals are weaned in 4-5 months--we take 20 years to build solid foundations. It's time. It's time.

 

[Marty]

We actually took in 4 little kids last year but things worked out for their family and they went back home.

I already tried the foster thing and got rejected twice. They said my husband was too old and they would prefer a slightlyyounger couple. Guess they don't need us.

I don't think Dan will be gone too long. He just got a rude awakening when he did the math with me and realized come Friday's paycheck, its already spent on his new bills and food and rent etc. and he will have barely enough $ left for gas for the week to get to work. He says he is determined to give this a good try anyhow and she is really lovely. I'll give this thirty days. Cross your fingers for me.

 

[backwoodsnanny]

Marty

Having gone through this empty nest thing oh 16 years ago I feel your pain but Without the kids building new nests the grandbabies dont come and I wouldnt trade the grandkids for anything,, well most of the time anyway. lol