I have my first real boyfriend.

[Ashley]

Never say never. Things happen, mistakes are made.

That said, the fact that you cant even say "the word" tells me you are not anywhere near close enough to be dateing.

 

[Secret22]

Ashley I didnt say 'the word' because I thought I might get in trouble by Mary Lou if I said the word sex on a public forum.

Anyways we had a great time. We had lunch and then his dad gave us a lift to the beach and we went surfing. GREAT FUN!!

 

[runamuk]

I was just going to add to the last post. My girls are just reaching the age where I trust them to go out, that would be 35 and 37. At thirteen they were only allowed school activities that were co-ed. Guess I am really old fashioned. But if your mom approves have fun.

:aktion033: :aktion033: :aktion033:

hee hee

I am with you Goose my oldest boy is 14 and he is NOT allowed to date....serious boyfriend/girlfriend stuff etc......he has a girl at his school who is 14 and knocked up....so we have had some pretty in depth conversation on this subject.......he is currently less concerned about dating and more ticked off at my stance on football and weightlifting...which isn't allowed until at least 16.......sorry boys grow later and I don't want him wrecking his body by 20

:

Ya my parents tried to keep me from having a boyfriend and going to partys and still dont like it so I end up sneaking out the window of my bedroom and shimmieing down our pole (thanx to our new porch) I am very responsible and I dont see why they wouldnt let me go.It just caused me to sneak out...I know its bad but im not aloud to do ANY THING so I have to go behind there backs.Im just letting you parents know this so maybe you wont have to go throught what my parents are going through...especialy since I'm ther oldest and they have no clue wats going on.They havnt cought me yet!!Please dont flame my parents though its more me doing it then them....congrats on ur bf and hope ur double date goes well!!!

: ooo and just to let you know I dont do anything I shouldnt be doing...

I don't consider sneaking out responsible.....and for the record NO ONE not even parents make someone do something...so there is no way your parents are MAKING you sneak out...you are choosing to make this poor decision on your own. And for your parents sake and yours I hope nothing bad happens to you.

And you are doing something you shouldn't by sneaking out.....once you decide thats ok it is very easy to decide the next bad decision is ok and so on it goes.......

This lack of respect for parents is very sad as kids seem to consider it normal....and kids are now doing these things as young as 8-9 :no: :no: :no:

 

[Secret22]

Yahoo, tomorrow we are going to get together again and hopefully go for another surf. Yipee! Then come home in time for lunch. :bgrin

 

[Feather1414]

Yahoo, tomorrow we are going to get together again and hopefully go for another surf. Yipee! Then come home in time for lunch. :bgrin

I am glad you had fun. Trust me, doing something like surfing, and hanging out at the beach is WAY more fun then staying in a house on a couch. Who wants to constantly "snuggle" anyways?

 

[Dr. Pam]

I am so glad you had a good time. I love to watch surfing....never tried it and I cause a "whale sighting" at this point :new_shocked:

 

[Secret22]

Yea surfing is cool. Especially when you have a boy there to perve at lol na just jokes. Yesterday was freaky because my leg rope got tangled around my neck and was strangling me after I fell off a big wave the tumbled me. It was sooooo scary I couldnt breath and I some how managed to turn around and slide it off. We went today and it was cool. I love having a boy around to have fun with!!

 

[SammyL]

I am 16 years old, and my parents are not allowing me to date yet!

But it is so big deal, I can wait.

I do have more guy friends, then girl friends. Guys are so much fun to be around. And to tell the truth I do have a crush on one of my friends, but he will never know, I don't want it to ruin our relationship as friends. I like us just the way we are for now...friends! :bgrin

Good luck with your boyfriend though Secret22

 

[Secret22]

Its just cool havig a guy around. It makes me feel more secure aswell and its loads of fun.

 

[Ashley]

You should never need another person to make you feel secure.

 

[OhHorsePee]

Boy, sounds like you did a lot in a short amount of time. I can't believe at your age talking about "perving" at a boy! I can't believe your parents are approving of this. Of course, if they would ever see this post they might change their minds. And as for security, Ashley is right. I believe if your parents would set you more limits you could have more sense of security. Not flaming you just VERY concerned of your wordage and possibilities of what can happen. And since you feel "secure" when you are with a boy, chances are it will. Security comes from within.

Good luck Secret22!

Fran

 

[Secret22]

Well actually I feel more secure because when im surfing I have him around me and I am scared of sharks so it makes me feel more secure. Is that a crime??????

 

[mis fit farms]

ooooh so glad you had fun!!!!!

: i would love to surf but im in kentucky so no surfin' for me. hay i dont hurt to look just dont touch!!! if all less fails scream thats my motto!!!!! guy are fun but can be stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

: no sharks for me !

 

[tigeresss]

Thought I might as well noodle on in here. Firstly...

runamuk-You are SO smart for setting limits for your son regarding weight lifting. I have two friends (one in particular) that starting weight lifting a lot, and going to the gym a lot and this started in grade seven. It stunted his growth, his body is all misproportioned and ever since he started going to the gym his body has been so messed up. So high five for doing that...I know that not very many parents even think about that but it's a serious problem.

Now onto the boy thing...I don't want to sound like I'm preaching or anything just take it as it is.

I'm 18(well in 9days) years old and I had my first "real" boyfriend when I was 13 and 14 years old. I don't think it's wrong for a 13year old to have a boyfriend and just kiss but if he tries anything more with you stop right there because you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Even if you think you won't...you may not for say four years but sooner or later you will.

I think it's really creepy and strange that I've been reading that parents have banned their children sixteen and over from dating or hanging out with guys...I know it's different for every area but here the age of consent is 14years old. I think if you have to ban your children from things like that then really maybe you don't have much trust in your son or daughter that they won't do anything funky. Then again I think when I have kids I'll probably end up being the same...mainly because I know tons of parents who tell me how wonderful their kids are and how they would never do drugs or have sex etc. Yet I know that the night before I walked in on them having sex and getting high. So I can understand why a parent would be suspicious of their child.

I don't know where I'm going with this...

Secret22-Just wanted to say I'm glad you had a fab time. You don't need to keep the mentality that sex is bad unless you're married but remember a 13 year old shouldn't be having sex and really...you'll love yourself a lot more if you save it until you're atleast over 16. Then again if you (or any young person) is going to be having sex at 13/14/15 or even at any age make sure you know as much as you can about it. Make sure you use protection (i.e. a condom), make sure that you are doing it for YOURSELF not anyone else and not any other reason. I'm deffinetly not saying that having sex is your intention because you've clearly said it's not so I hope you'll take it as helpful tips rather than something negative. So have fun with your new boyfriend wahoo!

 

[CAM]

I think it's really creepy and strange that I've been reading that parents have banned their children sixteen and over from dating or hanging out with guys...I know it's different for every area but here the age of consent is 14years old. I think if you have to ban your children from things like that then really maybe you don't have much trust in your son or daughter that they won't do anything funky. Then again I think when I have kids I'll probably end up being the same...mainly because I know tons of parents who tell me how wonderful their kids are and how they would never do drugs or have sex etc. Yet I know that the night before I walked in on them having sex and getting high. So I can understand why a parent would be suspicious of their child.

I don't know where I'm going with this...

Secret22-Just wanted to say I'm glad you had a fab time. You don't need to keep the mentality that sex is bad unless you're married but remember a 13 year old shouldn't be having sex and really...you'll love yourself a lot more if you save it until you're atleast over 16. Then again if you (or any young person) is going to be having sex at 13/14/15 or even at any age make sure you know as much as you can about it. Make sure you use protection (i.e. a condom), make sure that you are doing it for YOURSELF not anyone else and not any other reason. I'm deffinetly not saying that having sex is your intention because you've clearly said it's not so I hope you'll take it as helpful tips rather than something negative. So have fun with your new boyfriend wahoo!

Oh dear goodness! Now I get a good picture of why young children are doing the things they are doing these days. Children see things so differently than parents. Tigeresss, please don't tell a young child it is ok to have sex as long as they wait until they are say, 16 years old. She needs to wait until she is married. Period!! As a coming "adult" you should be a good role model for this child or say nothing at all. This is not something to take likely and it shouldn't be treated as such. Young children are very malleable and can be led to believe sex is ok as long as you use protection. I would say most children do not even know how to use protection correctly and the only 100% guarantee for not getting pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease is ABSTINENCE! Age does not mean maturity. Maturity comes with life experiences. I hope in the future you will choose your words carefully and not condone this type of behavior with children of any age.

Edited to add: Parents that choose to not allow their children to participate in risky behavior are taking their parenting roll very seriously. If more parents were as involved in their children's lives as those who monitor the activities of their children on a regular basis then we would probably have less pregnancies, drug dependencies and subsequent deaths. A parent's trust must be earned by a child proving they are worthy of being trusted.

 

[ForMyACDs]

Sorry guys.......I have to pipe in here. How about another point of view.

I was one of those girls with a boyfriend at a young age. My parents wouldn't let me do anything with friends, but if I had a boyfriend I was allowed. I was 14 and went over to the boyfriend's house to play board games with the family and friends. I didn't like the guy much, but by having a boyfriend I could do things with friends. The visit was supposed to be supervised and my parents even called to verify that adults would be there. Guess what? I don't know how it got worked around the system, but there were NO parents there when I arrived and guess what else? At the age of 14 I was raped. If his parents had not pulled in the drive it would have been by not one but TWO guys as his friend was waiting in the wings.

BE CAREFUL!!!! NO ONE should go thru this.

 

[tigeresss]

CAM-I deffinetly respect your beliefs but I can't agree with you. I do not believe that sex should just be for marriage. What about people that don't get married? I'm very much against that for quite a few reasons that are beyond the point. I wasn't saying it was good, or ok to have sex at a young age what I was saying was that should that be something she decides to do then she should be aware of both the consequences and how to protect herself. By only telling her that abstinence is the way to go she is not getting the facts and should she decide to have sex she would haev no clue about protection. This is a difference that Canadian schools often compare with American, as from what we've learned many american schools teach only the abstinence program. According to recent stats this has led to an INCREASE in youth pregnancies as youth are NOT getting the facts.

Sex is an adult behavior, so to decide whether or not it's something you can do at this time (this goes for adults too) you need to think to yourself...am I willing to go through an abortion OR have a baby if I get pregnant, am I adult enough to handle this, do I understand FULLY the consequences, am I in a long term relationship that I can easily talk about sex to my partner with, are we mature enough to use effective methods of birth control, (i.e. the B/C pill AND/or condoms *remember never use a female condom and a male condom at the same time*)...Do i know enough about sex and birth control methods as well as STI/STD preventions and do you know all about the STDs? Am I comfortable enough with my body to do this? Regardless of your age if you said no to any of those things you are NOT ready for sex.

Make sure you and your partner are totally clear abotu how far you are willing to go. Remember if you kiss back you are saying "yes this is ok". Remember NO is a very good word and make sure he (or she) knows that NO means NO!

Yes I know a rediculous amount about sex and sex related things, that's because I have a whole bookshelf filled with sex books. I have those books because I was (still not sure if I'm going to do it or not) planning on being a sexual health educator, or a sexual therapist. Scary thing is I've talked to many adults and youth alike that know very little about sex and are very naive about the subject. Something that really shouldn't be happening.

Oh...wanted to add..

If a youth has come to the conclusion that "yes im ready for sex" then think to yourself...Why? Why do I want to have sex? Apart from the fact that it might maek me feel good why would I want to have it? Think about that and recognize your reaction. Will it be spread around school? What would your parents say if they found out? Do you respect their thoughts on the subject? A sex educator up here says a good line frequently... “KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, THINK AHEAD, PLAN AHEAD, NEVER LET SEX JUST HAPPEN AND ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFER SEX.â€

 

[stormo41]

i'm with tigeresss on this one. I myslef do not plan on getting married, i'm almost 18 years old and i'm pretty much set in my ways. I do have a boyfriend, and we know marriage is not in our future that does not mean we will not spend the rest of our lives together (if things work out that way noting my age ). do if i never plan on getting married does that mean i should also plan on never having sex? I would think not! i know lots of people (friends, and relatives) that don't like my view on marriage and sex, mostly because they are religious (as you may of guessed I am not religious, i am an atheist). the thing i find most common with these friends and relatives is they think that i'm going to sleep around with every guy i meet. I usaly tell them that i know about safe sex and all that stuff, but also that i believe there is a big differnce between having sex and making love, and i never plan on having sex. now that my speach is done

BACK ON TOPIC!

I'm very happy that you and boyfriend are having a good time together Secret22!

 

[CAM]

CAM-I deffinetly respect your beliefs but I can't agree with you. I do not believe that sex should just be for marriage. What about people that don't get married? I'm very much against that for quite a few reasons that are beyond the point. I wasn't saying it was good, or ok to have sex at a young age what I was saying was that should that be something she decides to do then she should be aware of both the consequences and how to protect herself. By only telling her that abstinence is the way to go she is not getting the facts and should she decide to have sex she would haev no clue about protection. This is a difference that Canadian schools often compare with American, as from what we've learned many american schools teach only the abstinence program. According to recent stats this has led to an INCREASE in youth pregnancies as youth are NOT getting the facts.

Sex is an adult behavior, so to decide whether or not it's something you can do at this time (this goes for adults too) you need to think to yourself...am I willing to go through an abortion OR have a baby if I get pregnant, am I adult enough to handle this, do I understand FULLY the consequences, am I in a long term relationship that I can easily talk about sex to my partner with, are we mature enough to use effective methods of birth control, (i.e. the B/C pill AND/or condoms *remember never use a female condom and a male condom at the same time*)...Do i know enough about sex and birth control methods as well as STI/STD preventions and do you know all about the STDs? Am I comfortable enough with my body to do this? Regardless of your age if you said no to any of those things you are NOT ready for sex.

Make sure you and your partner are totally clear abotu how far you are willing to go. Remember if you kiss back you are saying "yes this is ok". Remember NO is a very good word and make sure he (or she) knows that NO means NO!

Yes I know a rediculous amount about sex and sex related things, that's because I have a whole bookshelf filled with sex books. I have those books because I was (still not sure if I'm going to do it or not) planning on being a sexual health educator, or a sexual therapist. Scary thing is I've talked to many adults and youth alike that know very little about sex and are very naive about the subject. Something that really shouldn't be happening.

Those that don't get married should not be having sex. Now that is a biblical belief that I have that some are sure to disagree with but it is my firm belief.

If only the statement were true about the American schools. Unfortunately, the big debate here in the U.S. is that parents are upset that abstinence is NOT taught in the schools. It seems to be taking a direction quite the opposite in fact, condoms are being handed out in the schools and children are getting pregnant because all the facts are not presented. A condom given to a child does not guarantee no pregnancy. In fact, it can produce quite the opposite effect when the child feels the condom will prevent a pregnancy and in the "heat of the moment" it isn't used properly or is not used at all. Many children may opt not to have sex if they didn't feel the false sense of security.

You said yourself that sex is an adult behavior. It should not be considered an option for a child. The decision to have sex should be made between a man and a woman within a marriage and it does not show maturity to consider the decision to have a sexual relationship with someone simply as whether you are willing to have an abortion or keep the baby. Those are situations I would wish no child to be presented with as the level of maturity is not there to make an informed decision. How many 13, 14, 15, or 16+ year olds are capable of raising a child on their own or understand the true consequences and lasting guilt associated with having an abortion? My guess is that most children have no idea what either of those options really, truly mean nor have the ability to consider the lifetime of adjustments and feelings that must be made or endured if these situations truly presented themselves.

A young girl does not have the maturity to have a responsible discussion with a boy, or vice versa, about how far they are "willing to go". Things can, and do, get carried away in the "heat of the moment" and no child, in my opinion, is mature enough to make that decision.

No one is considered a sex expert or sex savy by merely reading books alone. It quite frankly astounds me that a girl your age has her hands on books of that nature as it sounds like you have been "researching" for some time. Many kids have been put in troubling situations by parents or life experiences that shouldn't be. It is unfortunate, but I for one, although not naive, will continue to be an advocate for my children and will make sure they have all the knowledge they need to help them tackle many of life's challenges in the years ahead. I will hope and pray that they make good decisions based on what they are taught. If not, I pray that they will get caught.

:

Secret~it sounds like you have had some good advice here and hopefully your parents will continue to have reason to trust you and set appropriate limits amidst the difficult things your family is going through. Keep your head screwed on straight and as my father-in-law always said, "It's time to straighten up and fly right". Let's hope you continue to do so.

 

[SammyL]

I just wanted to add..I believe that you should wait to have sex until you are married and not before! That is of course if you have a choice. That is the best way in my mind.

I am 16 years old, and I have lots of guys as friends, but I will not allow myself to be pressured into anything. I know your probably thinking, 'just wait and you'll change your mind' but I don't think I will. My morals and values are strong, unbreakable. My parents have taught me to be careful, and I see enough mistakes happen in highschool. I don't want to be part of the statistics. One of my older sister's friends, who is 19, he may be 20 now, I haven't seen him in a long time, he is in the army, is still a virgin. If he can do it, get through highscool, and life, without falling prey to temptations, so can I! I really look up to him.

Sorry, I just wanted to add what I was thinking.