I need some advice!!!

[heart k ranch]

Well a few went to college and then some got boyfriends. Those that got boyfriends are always spending time with them so its not fun with me, her, and the boyfriend.....

Well my best friend for over 2-3 years is mad at me. I don't understand if its me being the selfish or it is it her.

3 months ago she got a boyfriend. He and I hated each other. He was a self-centered butthole and never treated me right. We went to the movies one night and I asked if anyone wanted some popcorn. Roger said yes as long as my "czech" hands don't touch them. He was also that night making fun of me because I have a cousin in the air force and he was better because he is a Marine. Well after the LONG relationship they broke up after 2 month.

She went though boyfriends. One is a 37 year old man that I WILL NOT go around. I think it is weird but she said that he is mature! Hello older then her AND my dad!!!

Then another is a 23 year old that is OK. He is a cool dude. but just something isn't right and I don't know what it is.

The oly thing that ticks me off is that I go out of MY way to go and eat with her. Help her and give her support though all these stupid guys that she dates.

Well this weekend (friday night) I went to a barrel race, she got mad because she was having a party and I wasn't there. And that I didn't answer my phone, but I didn't have any missed calls when I got back into the truck! Plus another thing I won't be around under age drinking. I have to much to lose (horses and other stuff)

Saturday I had a miss call from her at 2:50 pm. I called her back around 5 because I have no connection in the barn. She doesn't answer.

So today she comes into work and asked to go to lunch with me. My grandmother had to go to the doctor at two and she wanted to go to lunch at 1:30. I told her no, I couldn't but I didn't tell her my grandmother was going to the doctor. I asked if we could after work. She told me that I was selfish and as soon as I figure that out to call her.

What am I doing wrong! I don't like going out drinking, and I hate being around 15 year olds getting drunk at her house.

Oh and she keeps telling me that I shouldn't own midget horses! She always tells me there worthless but they are the only thing that I really really Love doing! I love my minis and if she tells that one more time I will finally get mad!!

She is 18 and I'm turning 20. Is it our age difference?

 

[txminipinto]

It's not your age difference. There's not much different between 18 and 20. She's the one taking advantage of your friendship. It sounds like she doing all the taking and you're doing all the giving. As you get older, you'll lose a lot of friends but you'll make new ones. The true friends will stick around forever and never call you selfish.

I'm 30 and am no longer close to any of the friends I had when I was your age. And the friends I have now are much better than the friends I had in my early twenties. It's all a part of growing up!

 

[heart k ranch]

thanks Carin

I just feel alone!

Other then family I really don't have "friends" that I go and hang out with. I won't go anywhere that her 'older" boyfriend is.

She is a great friend when she isn't stuck up her boyfriends butt! I just wish she ddin't think she needs a boyfriend to make her happy!

 

[Bunnylady]

Love's bonds are silken chains

Not broken because I care not to break them

I don't know if I read that somewhere or made it up,but that applies to the love between friends as well as romantic love. Friends give each other room to be who they are, treat each other's feelings with respect. People who diss things you care about aren't being respectful of your feelings. Why is she so jealous of your time and interests that she can't share you with your horses? You have had to share her with a series of highly questionable boyfriends (I'm trusting your instincts here) She sounds very immature and insecure. Of course, from my 40+ years, any 18-year-old probably would!

BTW My husband (who has to share ME with horses!!) is Czech.

 

[palominogirl]

it sounds like she is the selfish one. if she gets mad because you went to a barrel race instead of her party. you have your own life it doesnt revolve around her and its not right for her to be talking down about your horses. i know if i have a bad day or something the only place i want to be is in the barn with my horses. they always make me smile. Ive had some problems with friends this year and he told me i had to choose between him or my other friend i told him that i wouldnt choose and lets say me and him arent really friends anymore. and i have a friend who has a boyfriend right now and she spends all her time with him and it drives me crazy. I hope everything starts looking up for you Brittanie

 

[Sonya]

my husband is czech also! As someone else mentioned your friends will defiantely come/go as you age. I don't communicate with any of my friends that I had when I was your age...friends improve with age, just like wine..(and men

)..important thing to remember, try not to sweat the small stuff, kinda like in marriage...if you want it to last (the friendship) then sometimes you have to let things go, but if she is doing/saying something that really bothers you, then it's time to move on for you.

 

[Riverdance]

She is the one being selfish and imature. It sounds like you are growing up and she is not. It also sounds like she is lost and looking for a father figure.

Freinds do not dish you or put down things that you are interested in. They share your interests as you share theirs. She is only interested in herself.

As we get older, we tend to loose friends that we grew up with. I had a very dear frined for 9 years. We went to college together and shared a dorm room (BIG MISTAKE) OH!

Our frinedship ended that year. But, I am 56 now and we have started to e-mail each other. So after all of these years, we are at least in touch with each other again.

So who knows. Perhaps when your friend does some growing up, she willl come back.

 

[Lisa]

I have been through a lot of this kind of stuff over the years since high school. I would be happy to give you some advice and share my stories, if you would like to PM me.

 

[RainSong]

Someone wanna PM me and tell me what "czech" is, and why it's such an insult? All I can think of is the Czech republic... OH!

She's being a snot. Seriously. Any friend who continually disses your interests even when you've made it clear how much you love it- is NOT a good friend. Anyone who won't accept you for who YOU are.

... And don't even get me started on the underage drinking crud.

You shouldn't have to go out with her AND her boyfriend - she should be willing to have time for you now and again, without the boy. Yes, when you first get into a relationship it's often like someone glued boyfriend and girlfriend together (I remember it

lol), but when you've got other friends, you still make time.

Guess I was lucky- my best friend (well, the one I'm NOT married to) and Dave are best friends. We're also good friends with her husband- it's kinda neat. No worries about not liking each other.

It's not worth giving her everything to keep one friendship.

 

[Marty]

Learn to value your alone time.

 

[Cara]

omg i know excatly what your going through,(excpt fo rthe mini part) my friend has had many many bfsand i have hated every single one of them, there rude to me, and when i hang out with her he gets, mad,im always there for her, but when i want to so do somthing with her, she is always busy with him, even when we make plans! urg, so my advice is to sit her down and talk to her, just because ure best friends with her, doesnt mean you have to be with her bf, ! also she has to right what so ever to tell you what and what not to do with your life, underage drinking is a really horrible, thing, i lost a boyfriend to it, and i sware i will never be around it, even if it doesnt includ driving, as a friend she should understand that you dont want to be around it, and you love your horses, and she respect that, and if she doesnt. then i hate to say it but maybe she isnt as good as a friend as you think!!you can PM me if you want, i can tell you what i did, maybe it can help you. good luck! and do not blame yourself! if she wants to go and be a lil b***h then she can right ahead!

ps i know what it feels like to be alone! if you know what i mean!!

 

[anoki]

boy, I would be dumping her!!!! LOL

Sorry, that is maybe why I didn't have many friends in school. I was always weird because I would rather spend more time with my animals than with my 'friends', heck people my age still look at me as odd, unless they understand it too. I only keep in contact with ONE person that I went to school with, I've known her since kindegarten, and she lives on the other side of the country now. My family ARE my friends, and I feel very lucky to have that kind of relationship with them. I do have other friends, but most of them are quite older than me. But we get along because we have the same things in common. And I DO value my alone time!!! I can't stand being busy going here one day, there the next day, and back out another day...

And if someone gets mad at me because I'm not spending enough 'time' with them, sorry, I've got more important things in life than worrying about whether I've spent enough quality time with each individual person....had a bfriend like that, and that was one of the major reasons we split. He was JEALOUS of the time I spent with my horses.....people like that will never understand 'it', and I can't be bothered putting the time and energy into 'trying' to make them understand......but that's jmo

~kathryn

 

[minie812]

Gee, sounds selfish AND immature AND self-centered AND confused AND what is she doing with a man THAT age? OH!

 

[heart k ranch]

Thanks guys! I really thought I was the wrong one.

She said that Sami ( the 37 year old) said to say away from me and that is what she is going to do. I'm a bad friend because I don't want to do anything she wants to do. I will get fat and ugly to match my attidude. OH! .

I'm sorry I was laughing at that. LOL. I told her to grow into her shoes and call once she gets her head out o fher butt. Respect me, my horses (big and small), and then you can talk to me.

 

[Charley]

YOU are one smart cookie!!

 

[Laura]

[SIZE=12pt]Good for you!! I'd have told that bigoted SOB that I wouldn't touch any of his popcorn because stupidity might be contagious! [/SIZE]

BTW, at 21 I had a "boyfriend" in his 40's. Was he with me because I was young, skinny and cute? Yep. Was he with me because I was independant and strong minded? Nope. When I figured that out, I left, lesson learned. I dated some older guys who were great, but having things in common is a key to a good relationship, unhealthy tendencies aren't and it sounds as if your friend doesn't have the sense or self confidence to make good choices...that is not your problem, it's hers.

 

[HGFarm]

Oh dear, this is part of just growing up.

I remember at your age, some of my friends were married, some had moved away, folks had jobs that kept them busy on different days, etc..... The lifestyle of just 'hanging out' together changes and people have to find out who they are and their niche in the world. You will change too, whether you realize it or not.

You and your friends are of the age that SOME of them are going to think about marriage, family, careers and other things.

Some just have to experience, and experiment, with life. It's part of where your wisdom and good sense comes from when you are another generation or two older, LOL (though some never seem to develope any) Every one is different, and has to have their own experiences on their journey through their short time on this planet. You will find that some of your friends that you looked up to or THOUGHT were so smart, may end up addicts, in bad relationships, and generally making poor choices in life without using any 'horse sense'. Some of the folks that you may never have given much credit to may find great jobs and careers, go on to earn a PhD, be great citizens with new ideas in their communities.

Every person is different. You will find out some things as you go along. You cannot choose who is right for your friend by who meets your approval or expectations. She alone has to do that, according to her expectations. Would you want someone else picking out your future spouse based on what works for them? If you feel your friend has poor taste in men, unfortunately you will probably not be able to change that.

Another thing you will notice is that people do change as they go through life-- some. But the 'apple doesnt fall far from the tree' and their basic nature will not change, just perhaps their opinions on some things- what they like in clothes, foods they hate now that they loved as a kid and visa versa, and they may tolerate things at a later age that they dont now, in addition to being less tolerant for other things that they found amusing at age 18. But you cannot MAKE a cold or cruel person into a caring and happy individual, or make a happy energetic person into a whining backbiting one. You cannot change a person's true 'core'.

You cannot control or decide what others do or choose in their life, only what you do. You will lose some friends in life, but will make others.

Friends dont diss each other or act in mean and cruel ways. Maybe you are seeing the 'real her' now that was just not apparent before? Sounds like hormones are raging and maturity is not? Stick with the good things you know and love, dont let anyone belittle you, and be true to yourself. You will know a lot of 'aquaintences' through life but will cherish the few REAL friends.