lvponies
Well-Known Member
The Middle Wife By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get
over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in
pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like
that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This
is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on
the pillow and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder
with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh,
oh! Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh! Now the kid's doing this
hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the
middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man". "They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this". Then
Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom
had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it
just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'"
They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all
said was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside
there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just
in case another Erica comes along.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get
over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in
pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like
that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This
is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on
the pillow and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder
with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh,
oh! Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh! Now the kid's doing this
hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the
middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man". "They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this". Then
Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom
had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it
just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'"
They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all
said was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside
there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just
in case another Erica comes along.
