Im really having a hard time at home. I dont know which way to turn on this. I dont know if this is a vent or a cry for help. Its probably both. Im sorry this is long.
A few years ago my mom lost her house. I was living there at the time and thought everything was under control.
My fiance and I went out and got a house. Then my mom and brother and all of their animals moved in. This included my brothers dog. This dog has been nothing but a problem. He has attacked cats in the house several times and killed two of them plus broken into my guinea pig cages and killed two of them. He is possessive of my mom, territorial and very food aggressive. He and my dog will fight. This is not the place to be keeping this dog. Because of him I have to keep my small animals locked in a room and if I let my cat out, we have to make sure he is locked up.
After a while, my brother decided to move his girlfriend in. They just kind of did it. This girl has a real case of the "me me's". She is very dramatic and immature. ( I need to take a moment to stress just how dramatic. She is about 18 or so years old. If she sees me she literally runs the other way or will sit and cry. Theres more but I figure those two examples are enough). She doesnt get along with my mom or me. Then they said they would pay rent. I think we got them to pay rent for about 2 months near the end of their time at our house. They finally got an apartment and moved out. This apartment didnt allow dogs and much to my mothers delight, his dog stayed here. She LOVES that dog and wants him with her all of the time.
My brother has had a few health problems and some job trouble which is well under control now but everyone worries for him. They feel bad for him and it never crosses their minds to have him help out with her. They make excuses there because he is "dealing with a lot" and his girlfriend makes him do all of the cooking and cleaning. She works a little part time job while he works full time. He couldnt possibly help with our mom.
My mom has had a horrendous time keeping a job and a worse time managing her money. When she first moved in, it was agreed that she (and my brother for that matter) would be paying rent. It was like pulling teeth to get her to do it in the beginning and then she just stopped. If she does have any income she generally goes out and buys more groceries. Special items that she wants. She SOMETIMES goes and buys grain for the full sized horses but shes not consistently reliable on that and more often than not it is us buying all the feed for all of them. I suppose I will do this as I want her to have her horses too. Basically she spends her money on her terms. She has to be in control of it. Rent seems out of the question for her capabilities. Her car is falling apart but she could never seem to get the money together to fix it. When we moved out my husband and I put about $500 in her account and tried to get her straight so she could fix her credit and get back on her feet. I paid to fix the breaks on the back part of her car and I paid a vet bill that was being threatened to be sent to collections for her.
Instead she insists she MUST use my car as it is very important that she get her errands done or get to work. She tells me she has no gas and stresses how important it is that I "step up and help". My car is rather old and we are keeping it for going out to get hay or for me in emergencies if I am home alone and need to get somewhere. I will often break down and let her use it. I worry though that there are not many runs left in my car and Id like to make it last. It bothers me as she has had situations where she could fix her own car and didnt make it a priority. Nothing is changing.
Family and friends often feel bad for my mothers sob stories. She doesnt keep a check book and CONSTANTLY overdraws her account. Then she calls the bank and they will almost always reinburse fees to her. We are talking hundreds of dollars. And people send her money. My grand parents often bring her goodies like different foods on top of what we have that she likes.
My grandparents are in their late 80's and disgusted with how I "treat my poor mother". She reports to them whenever I am "mean to her" and they come after me about it. They will chain call me like crazy and yell into the phone about what a terrible person I am. They want to know how I can do this to my mother and them as they are so old. They tell me they "Want Answers" and threaten to come right to my house to get them. They are old and I dont know how to handle them.
I repeatedly told my brother the dog needed to go with him and he then renewed his lease in the apartment he was in that doesnt allow the dog. Then this dog recently bit me and I told my mom that was it, he had 3 weeks to get out. She insisted that if he went, she was going. I told her that was on her. She called my grand parents and they went after me.
I am bitter and resentful with the way I am cornered into this and bullied over this. It makes me often sullen and I spend a lot of time in one room in my house. My mom has pretty much given that dog her room and she likes the bed in the room my brother was using that we are trying to turn into a study but she whines that she wants THAT bed more and it wont fit into her original room. She sits in our living room watching movies all of the time and does clean around the house and bring in fire wood. These are things we would do more of if we had more of the house to ourselves. Its a bad situation. I am ornery and I hate who I am. I worry often for my family and dont know if they will be able to get it together. I dont know if my mom will ever be able to take care of herself and I am sick with the way things are. I need to get out of this but I need a plan.
I need to stress to you that I love these people dearly. I really do. I have many happy memories in the past with them. Things have just fallen apart over the years and I would really like a healthy relationship with them.
Ok well I have rambled on and on and it has been SO hard to write this out. I cant believe I got this much. I am sure it is jumbled, I may have forgotten some thing and I probably need to clarify stuff but at least I got it here. Maybe you guys can help give me strength and clarity of thought to make a plan. Sorry for the drama. I HATE drama so much and Im so sorry to whine (this is embarrassing) about it but I dont know what else to do. I feel so beaten down and if it wasnt for my absolutely amazing husband and my wonderful minis, Id be in so much more trouble. Thank you for your time guys.
A few years ago my mom lost her house. I was living there at the time and thought everything was under control.
My fiance and I went out and got a house. Then my mom and brother and all of their animals moved in. This included my brothers dog. This dog has been nothing but a problem. He has attacked cats in the house several times and killed two of them plus broken into my guinea pig cages and killed two of them. He is possessive of my mom, territorial and very food aggressive. He and my dog will fight. This is not the place to be keeping this dog. Because of him I have to keep my small animals locked in a room and if I let my cat out, we have to make sure he is locked up.
After a while, my brother decided to move his girlfriend in. They just kind of did it. This girl has a real case of the "me me's". She is very dramatic and immature. ( I need to take a moment to stress just how dramatic. She is about 18 or so years old. If she sees me she literally runs the other way or will sit and cry. Theres more but I figure those two examples are enough). She doesnt get along with my mom or me. Then they said they would pay rent. I think we got them to pay rent for about 2 months near the end of their time at our house. They finally got an apartment and moved out. This apartment didnt allow dogs and much to my mothers delight, his dog stayed here. She LOVES that dog and wants him with her all of the time.
My brother has had a few health problems and some job trouble which is well under control now but everyone worries for him. They feel bad for him and it never crosses their minds to have him help out with her. They make excuses there because he is "dealing with a lot" and his girlfriend makes him do all of the cooking and cleaning. She works a little part time job while he works full time. He couldnt possibly help with our mom.
My mom has had a horrendous time keeping a job and a worse time managing her money. When she first moved in, it was agreed that she (and my brother for that matter) would be paying rent. It was like pulling teeth to get her to do it in the beginning and then she just stopped. If she does have any income she generally goes out and buys more groceries. Special items that she wants. She SOMETIMES goes and buys grain for the full sized horses but shes not consistently reliable on that and more often than not it is us buying all the feed for all of them. I suppose I will do this as I want her to have her horses too. Basically she spends her money on her terms. She has to be in control of it. Rent seems out of the question for her capabilities. Her car is falling apart but she could never seem to get the money together to fix it. When we moved out my husband and I put about $500 in her account and tried to get her straight so she could fix her credit and get back on her feet. I paid to fix the breaks on the back part of her car and I paid a vet bill that was being threatened to be sent to collections for her.
Instead she insists she MUST use my car as it is very important that she get her errands done or get to work. She tells me she has no gas and stresses how important it is that I "step up and help". My car is rather old and we are keeping it for going out to get hay or for me in emergencies if I am home alone and need to get somewhere. I will often break down and let her use it. I worry though that there are not many runs left in my car and Id like to make it last. It bothers me as she has had situations where she could fix her own car and didnt make it a priority. Nothing is changing.
Family and friends often feel bad for my mothers sob stories. She doesnt keep a check book and CONSTANTLY overdraws her account. Then she calls the bank and they will almost always reinburse fees to her. We are talking hundreds of dollars. And people send her money. My grand parents often bring her goodies like different foods on top of what we have that she likes.
My grandparents are in their late 80's and disgusted with how I "treat my poor mother". She reports to them whenever I am "mean to her" and they come after me about it. They will chain call me like crazy and yell into the phone about what a terrible person I am. They want to know how I can do this to my mother and them as they are so old. They tell me they "Want Answers" and threaten to come right to my house to get them. They are old and I dont know how to handle them.
I repeatedly told my brother the dog needed to go with him and he then renewed his lease in the apartment he was in that doesnt allow the dog. Then this dog recently bit me and I told my mom that was it, he had 3 weeks to get out. She insisted that if he went, she was going. I told her that was on her. She called my grand parents and they went after me.
I am bitter and resentful with the way I am cornered into this and bullied over this. It makes me often sullen and I spend a lot of time in one room in my house. My mom has pretty much given that dog her room and she likes the bed in the room my brother was using that we are trying to turn into a study but she whines that she wants THAT bed more and it wont fit into her original room. She sits in our living room watching movies all of the time and does clean around the house and bring in fire wood. These are things we would do more of if we had more of the house to ourselves. Its a bad situation. I am ornery and I hate who I am. I worry often for my family and dont know if they will be able to get it together. I dont know if my mom will ever be able to take care of herself and I am sick with the way things are. I need to get out of this but I need a plan.
I need to stress to you that I love these people dearly. I really do. I have many happy memories in the past with them. Things have just fallen apart over the years and I would really like a healthy relationship with them.
Ok well I have rambled on and on and it has been SO hard to write this out. I cant believe I got this much. I am sure it is jumbled, I may have forgotten some thing and I probably need to clarify stuff but at least I got it here. Maybe you guys can help give me strength and clarity of thought to make a plan. Sorry for the drama. I HATE drama so much and Im so sorry to whine (this is embarrassing) about it but I dont know what else to do. I feel so beaten down and if it wasnt for my absolutely amazing husband and my wonderful minis, Id be in so much more trouble. Thank you for your time guys.
