Information on 3 yr. old - Help

[horsefeather]

Their is a member in our family (not blood) who has a 3 yr. old little girl I will call lucy. I will try to condense this as much as possible. Lucy's mother is very imature and doesn't seem to know what to do with Lucy. Up until now, she has given her anything food wise (cookies, candy, etc.) as she wanted. Didn't make her eat at given times. Lucy's grandmother (mothers mom) is pretty much a crackhead and thinks Lucy should be able to do anything she wants. Now she is staying with her other grandmother and grandfather. Lucy & her mother have liven here and there not very long in any place. (I don't think the mother is on dope.) Lucy seems to have the mentality of a 1 yr. old. We are in the process of potty training her. She can't talk plain. The mother seems to spend most of her time texting and not paying any attention to Lucy.

Ok, here is where we need help. First, I want to get her tested (don't know if mother will allow). We are trying to get her to say words instead of pointing to what she wants. She has a very, very short attention span. There is a pre-school for 1 to 3 yr. olds, however, they do need to be potty trained. Would she be better there to interact with other kids? Not to stay, of course, but during the day. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Pam

 

[Lizzie]

Are the mother and child actually living with you now Pam? If so, then try to find a parenting class for the mother first. Insist she attend. Your local Social Services should be able to find one. I presume the woman has an income from somewhere?

The child should be put on a very regimented schedule. Time for breakfast, playtime, lunch, learning from picture books with an adult, bedtime etc.etc. The mother must be made aware of the problems this child will face in the future.

I hate to hear this but am so glad you are helping. The road won't be easy, but kudos to you, Pam. There are sadly, millions of children being brought up in much the same atmosphere these days, but they don't have a Pam to step in. Let us hear how it goes.

Lizzie

 

[Miniv]

With the little bit of child psychology education (I minored in it and took some masters courses) that I had ..... I would recommend you have her checked out by an Early Childhood Education specialist. And yes, her diet and lack of attention sure hasn't helped.

She needs one on one with an adult with some basic intelligence around her daily......Another thing that will help is READING to her every day. And, every single toy, video, or TV program she is exposed to should have an educational element to it.

My instinct about the pre-school is to hold off until a specialist feels she's ready. Many pre-schools may not be prepared to take on the special needs that Lucy requires at this point.

Kuddos for catching the situation. Lucy is young and with the right guidance can easily "catch up" with her age group.

Maryann

 

[Miniv]

I totally agree with Lizzie.......The child needs a regument with (healthy) meals, naps, and sleep time. That alone may help with her attention span.

 

[wade3504]

I think it would be good for her to go to preschool to learn how to interact and speak. I had a child in one of my preschool classes that didn't speak and would just scream and point or whine. We worked with him on using his words to ask for what he wanted and he started to learn to speak quickly. Some preschools will take a 3 year old that is not potty trained (the one I currently work at does) but not most. She needs more interaction and if the mother isn't going to do it then she needs to get it somewhere. You'd be surprised with how much they act like a baby if treated like one.

Was the mother doing any that she shouldn't have been when she was pregnant with her?

 

[Marty]

Not sure this is a cause for alarm but its good you are being attentive to what is going on. Schedules are good for mama but don't always work out. There have been lots of times when I put dinner on the table and no one was hungry.I could sit them down but can't force anyone to eat if they don't want to. Times for nap and no one was sleepy. And yes, I did give cookies and lots of them. My youngest son didn't speak hardly a word until he was 3. He sure did point though! And I was a very attentive mother. So I'd say tread softly, observe, and keep an eye on the mama. Parenting classes could not hurt.

 

[horsefeather]

Thank you ladies for your input. Actually, my daughter (lives next door) has taken Lucy for awhile, I am just trying to help her with the child. Everyone has good ideas and I will look into some of them. We are going to try and get her to take parenting classes. Think that would be great for her. Don't think the mother was on anything while she was pregnant.

Lucy hasn't 'pooped' her panties for over a week....until her mom came last night to spend the night. She has pooped panties 3 times since. I really think there are some serious problems between Lucy and her mom. Again, appreciate any and all advise. Will let youall know how it goes.

Thanks,

Pam

 

[liltnt]

maybe the pooping of the panties is to get moms attention... sometimes they will do things to get even negative attention...

 

[Norah]

This is really a difficult situation. No doubt the child will suffer mentally and physically for her entire life : ( I think the more you do for this child the more you will get attached , and the more upset you will be when you see the dead beat mother -grandmother not taking care of her . its just my gut feeling . I know I would get attached , and because you are already conserned it shows me that you care , a lot ... I would be researching the possibility of getting the law involved . Unfortunatly CPS has proven to be unsuccessful at helping these kids : ( If you dont want CPS to get involved I would be careful about talking to anyone that has to contact them by law , like teachers , and therapist, police officers etc...I am sorry to hear this ... keep us updated sorry I cant be more help

 

[triiger5]

im not sure if you have the same sort of preschools over there as we do in new zealand. i attend a playcentre which is run by the parents but we get funding from the ministry of education. we have some kids that dont know how to interact with others but because its run by the parents they soon learn to as they have there parent there for reasuarnce but can go off and do what they want and play with who they want but if they get scared or unsure of things there parent isnt far away to help and some of the parents have been preschool teachers before having kidsso see if you have any paycentres that allow the parents to be part of there time there or are run by parents