Just some thoughts

[tagalong]

2. I think if people have a personal beef with someone, it does not need to be spoken of here at all. If someone screwed you out of a horse, or sold you a sick one, ripped you off, cheated in a show ring, whatever they did, take care of it privately. Do not hint of who ripped you off, just take your private matters elsewhere.

Very good point, Marty... threads that seek to rehash personal things like that do not help anyone.

Last but not least I do think this forum is very tame compared to one candle forum I was on once years ago.

Bolding mine. Yep. Tame, indeed. But wow, Marty - who would have thought that a candle-making forum could get so heated?

Okay - you're right - that was lame.

But please tell us the tale of your candle-making invention at some point!

horseplay - as Carol pointed out, some truly are not meant for such places - where opinions fly fast and furious and may not jibe with their own. If that upsets someone too much - then such a forum is not for them. You can derive a lot of good from forums like this - learn things, share experiences, make friends, find support when you need it, help others, laugh, cry... or you can fret about every little comment that may not even have had anything to do with you... be upset that others chose to disagree... etc.

It really is just as Marty said - it is just a message board about horses (or candles or music or dogs or heffalumps... ) - not real life and not worthy of feuds and fights and grudges.

In the end, it is what you make it.

 

[Jill]

horseplay - as Carol pointed out, some truly are not meant for such places - where opinions fly fast and furious and may not jibe with their own. If that upsets someone too much - then such a forum is not for them. You can derive a lot of good from forums like this - learn things, share experiences, make friends, find support when you need it, help others, laugh, cry... or you can fret about every little comment that may not even have had anything to do with you... be upset that others chose to disagree... etc.

Exactly

 

[Charley]

I think the forum is for everyone who loves and wants to learn about miniature horses. If people get busy or their lives change, they will come by less often. It is nice to see posts once in a great while where someone comes back, even for just one post, to just say "Hi! I've been gone but thinking about y'all".

Sometimes, it seems like a few posters use this forum like a game (for their enjoyment or to feel important?) to run others off instead of trying to figure out a nicer way to make a point....and make a friend...to really help someone to learn. To say it is not for everyone because they do not deal well with conflict is silly. Not everyone comes her expecting conflict or belittlement. The one who expresses disagreement is taken in stride. It is the poster who continually attacks the same person and belittles the differing opinion over and over, that is the one who needs to think about what they are doing and why they are doing it. jmo

 

[barnbum]

Sometimes, it seems like a few posters use this forum like a game (for their enjoyment or to feel important?) to run others off instead of trying to figure out a nicer way to make a point....and make a friend...to really help someone to learn. To say it is not for everyone because they do not deal well with conflict is silly. Not everyone comes her expecting conflict or belittlement. The one who expresses disagreement is taken in stride. It is the poster who continually attacks the same person and belittles the differing opinion over and over, that is the one who needs to think about what they are doing and why they are doing it. jmo

Now, THAT was excellent!!!

Charley--you should be a psychologist.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

There is another side to this - and to the OP, I'm not referring to you - I think you started an honest post about missing some old forum members. But there may well be some members that have been driven off by folks that complain or feel picked on all the time, or constantly complain that people aren't nice enough to them. I know there have been times when that has really turned me off, but I just remind myself that it is my choice whether I look at those people's posts or not and it's my choice how I let them effect me.

And LB is just WAY too good to leave. I have asked for support and gotten it, I have asked for advice and gotten it. And I've had a lot of fun along the way!

 

[horseplay]

My comment was NOT in any way directed at Carol if that is what you are implying

. Jill ang tagalong, I am so glad you agree with Carol also but I don't think you "get" what I was saying or are trying to make it something else so it doesn't apply to you, as humans that is normal though. Sometimes people defend their constant snarky behavior by saying people need to not be so sensitive and so on. How about those who can't control themselves not to constantly pick apart everything others say "get out of the kitchen"

. I am not new to forums and yes there are many that are much worse but if you were to look around you would see there are many that are nice, every forum has people who love trouble and putting others down which is different from having different opinions. LB is a wonderful place to learn with MANY wonderful people but sometimes people that just don't take a break from doing what they seem to do best justs gets a little tiresome. BTW I totally expect this post to be broken down into little quotes but I won't be seeing it, one word, blocked

 

[bingo]

I am fairly new but have noticed when these topics come up that the people that post things like "people take things wrong" or "some are thin skinned" or "maybe forums aren't meant for you" are usually the ones that caused the problems being complained about in the first place. Please don't tell me I am the only one that has noticed this

.

I think you are correct and it has been noticed by many with the exception of those that might need to notice it the most.

 

[Alex]

I am fairly new but have noticed when these topics come up that the people that post things like "people take things wrong" or "some are thin skinned" or "maybe forums aren't meant for you" are usually the ones that caused the problems being complained about in the first place. Please don't tell me I am the only one that has noticed this

.

I think you are correct and it has been noticed by many with the exception of those that might need to notice it the most.

Exactally. Very right you two.

 

[Jill]

Unfortunately, as is often the case, here we have a thread that started out to be about one (positive) thing and it gets twisted in a new, different, less positive direction and by some people who are trying to make it seem like others are the negative nellies. You know, it's almost funny when you stand back and look at some of these things from a distance.

If "you" are saying I've been belittling, snarky, mean... No, I haven't been ever on this forum. Now, I may have opinions with which others don't agree -- just as others have opinions with which I may not agree -- but that is not the same as being "mean" or "rude" to someone. I'd challange anyone to find a post on LB where I was mean to anyone.

My comment was NOT in any way directed at Carol if that is what you are implying

. Jill ang tagalong, I am so glad you agree with Carol also but I don't think you "get" what I was saying or are trying to make it something else so it doesn't apply to you, as humans that is normal though. Sometimes people defend their constant snarky behavior by saying people need to not be so sensitive and so on. How about those who can't control themselves not to constantly pick apart everything others say "get out of the kitchen"

. I am not new to forums and yes there are many that are much worse but if you were to look around you would see there are many that are nice, every forum has people who love trouble and putting others down which is different from having different opinions. LB is a wonderful place to learn with MANY wonderful people but sometimes people that just don't take a break from doing what they seem to do best justs gets a little tiresome. BTW I totally expect this post to be broken down into little quotes but I won't be seeing it, one word, blocked

 

[horseplay]

LOL

Nevermind

 

[MeadowRidge Farm]

I have been with this forum for 6 years, and read it for about 2 years before that. I have been the moderator for donkey talk since it started, and am now a mod for the youth forum as well. I have seen alot of people come and go. I do keep in contact with alot of the "older" members. From what I have been told it seems like the "new" members" come on here and just dont want to be told anything from the older experienced members, and when the old members try to tell them something they dont want to hear..problems start..so needless to say the older members just quit posting...which is really a shame..they have been there and have faced miniature horse problems and we can and WOULD learn from there experience. Another problem with forums is WHAT you type and the tone you would actually be using if talking can mean something totally differant, and even tho no harm is meandt, it can sometimes be taken that way by what is typed. Another complaint I hear alot is that unless you have a top quality show horse no one really cares, well to that I say..all of us love our minis regardless if they are family pets or a show animal. Some of the newbies on here have saved there pennies to purchase there first horse, come on here asking questions and get run right into the ground because this isnt right or that isnt right with the horse. WHO CARES!!! Its there horse and they love it and that is all that should matter. Not everyone can afford a top quality horse or wanys to be involved with showing. That is what makes the mini world what it is..diversity! It is a shame we have lost so many good and knowledegable members.

"Sometimes, it seems like a few posters use this forum like a game (for their enjoyment or to feel important?) to run others off instead of trying to figure out a nicer way to make a point....and make a friend...to really help someone to learn. To say it is not for everyone because they do not deal well with conflict is silly. Not everyone comes her expecting conflict or belittlement. The one who expresses disagreement is taken in stride. It is the poster who continually attacks the same person and belittles the differing opinion over and over, that is the one who needs to think about what they are doing and why they are doing it. jmo"

Very well said Charlie!

 

[minih]

I have not read all of this thread, I popped in on the end to see what all the chatter was about only to see this

If "you" are saying I've been belittling, snarky, mean... No, I haven't been ever on this forum. Now, I may have opinions with which others don't agree -- just as others have opinions with which I may not agree -- but that is not the same as being "mean" or "rude" to someone. I'd challange anyone to find a post on LB where I was mean to anyone.

I want to comment on this, I have never seen Jill be rude, yes she may disagree, but a lot of times in disagreements on here between several posters in a thread I have learned something I had not thought about. I have been with lilbeginnings since 98 or 99 right after we got our first two minis in early 98. If everyone agreed on everything what would be the point in getting together to discuss issues. I am an avid reader, not an avid poster on everything. Why? <<shrug>> I don't know, different reasons at different times.

 

[OhHorsePee]

Sometimes, it seems like a few posters use this forum like a game (for their enjoyment or to feel important?) to run others off instead of trying to figure out a nicer way to make a point....and make a friend...to really help someone to learn. To say it is not for everyone because they do not deal well with conflict is silly. Not everyone comes her expecting conflict or belittlement. The one who expresses disagreement is taken in stride. It is the poster who continually attacks the same person and belittles the differing opinion over and over, that is the one who needs to think about what they are doing and why they are doing it. jmo

I totally agree. You presented your post with thought and well form. I think that a few also think it is ok to make a statement and if they place smiley faces of sort on it then it makes things ok. Maybe they feel this gives an illusion of they are being nice. Maybe they just don't know how to be nice!??! I don't know!

But I do miss and wonder about Geese and a few of the others. You could almost feel their smiles in their posts.

 

[tagalong]

My comment was NOT in any way directed at Carol if that is what you are implying . Jill ang tagalong, I am so glad you agree with Carol also but I don't think you "get" what I was saying or are trying to make it something else so it doesn't apply to you, as humans that is normal though.

I was implying nothing of the sort... merely addressing the post. And yes - I "get" it - how would I not? It applies to all of us. Myself. You. Even the rolling eyes and nudge-nudge-wink-winks that have been going on here. I have said in the past that I can get snarky st times and shouldn't - and should just push away from the keyboard. But I far from the only one who should do that.

Apologies to the original poster... who had some very good points and concerns. I thought that sharing some message board experiences and offering some suggestions on how to deal with it was appropriate - and no - it was not "a game" or "a way to feel important" as was suggested. Nor was I "trying to run others off". I was just trying to help with the whole message board thing.

BTW I totally expect this post to be broken down into little quotes but I won't be seeing it, one word, blocked

It is polite to quote sections of a post if you are responding to it. That is proper netiquette - and not an offense or a "game".

Another problem with forums is WHAT you type and the tone you would actually be using if talking can mean something totally differant, and even tho no harm is meandt, it can sometimes be taken that way by what is typed.

Thank you - as I said earlier, you cannot read TONE. Maybe if MeadowRidge Farms says it, it will have more meaning and be less suspect.

What is my tone now? Resigned. And a bit sad that some seek to assign motives where there are none. Whatever.

Another complaint I hear alot is that unless you have a top quality show horse no one really cares, well to that I say..all of us love our minis regardless if they are family pets or a show animal. Some of the newbies on here have saved there pennies to purchase there first horse, come on here asking questions and get run right into the ground because this isnt right or that isnt right with the horse. WHO CARES!!! Its there horse and they love it and that is all that should matter. Not everyone can afford a top quality horse or wanys to be involved with showing. That is what makes the mini world what it is..diversity!

Very well said. We have everything here from top level show horses... to pets... to our little dwarf Cowboy who has the run of the place. That also describes the make-up of the forum. Some of us show, some don't. And we have a wide range of ways to enjoy our minis....

 

[bingo]

II want to comment on this, I have never seen Jill be rude, yes she may disagree,

I agree with your comment about Jill. A lot of the problem is those that choose to follow some posters around and lie in wait so they can quickly say something rude or mean. Imply something and then play the wait and see who takes the bait game. It is something most of us can spot pretty easily even if you have not been a long time LB poster.

Smiley face or not or calling others out on what you tend to do or not does not hide the fact that a few simply visit to try to hurt or sabotage. Then of course others simply visit to try to market something all the while making sure they get in their digs whenever then can.

This does go back to the OP since from what I hear this has magnified a bit more in recent times and might have pushed some of the old timers away.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

II want to comment on this, I have never seen Jill be rude, yes she may disagree,

I agree with your comment about Jill. A lot of the problem is those that choose to follow some posters around and lie in wait so they can quickly say something rude or mean. Imply something and then play the wait and see who takes the bait game. It is something most of us can spot pretty easily even if you have not been a long time LB poster.

I told myself just to stay out of this post, but then I saw this reply. Is this seriously happening here? Often??? I can't say I've noticed it, and I'm on here WAY more than I should be!

I noticed that there are certain people that frequently post on controversial topics and there are certain people that do NOT agree with them who usually reply back, but that's the closest thing I can think of to what you are saying.

 

[susanne]

As others have said, you cannot convey "tone" on a forum. I personally have always needed a tongue-in-cheek smiley...I seem to offend some people by my very existence. And if my tongue isn't in my cheek, then my foot is so deep in my mouth that I have athlete's tongue!

Early on in my "forum life," I met a member who frequently had others up in arms with their outspokenness. I had never been offended, but many were. In person, this person was SO soft-spoken and very true to the MEANING of their words, but not at all like they came across in print.

If you are put off by someone's words, picture them stating their case with a wry smile -- or, if it helps, picture them naked! (Eww, ick!!! Do that with me at your own risk...)

For myself, I don't take offense at snarkiness or "rudeness" (which seldom is). I AM, however, offended when someone of knowledge is literally chased out of town because they refuse to walk on eggshells or "make nice." One person in particular may have come across harsh, but was always ready to help others. Well, that person's knowledge and experience is, for the most part, lost to us because some people couldn't handle a blunt but honest answer. Give me the truth any day.

Something else to remember...nobody is perfect, whether a current member or one of those much-vaunted members of the past...although some (such as He Who Must Not Be Named and Who Surely Still Lurks) are less perfect than others!

 

[wade3504]

Unfortunately, as is often the case, here we have a thread that started out to be about one (positive) thing and it gets twisted in a new, different, less positive direction and by some people who are trying to make it seem like others are the negative nellies. You know, it's almost funny when you stand back and look at some of these things from a distance.
If "you" are saying I've been belittling, snarky, mean... No, I haven't been ever on this forum. Now, I may have opinions with which others don't agree -- just as others have opinions with which I may not agree -- but that is not the same as being "mean" or "rude" to someone. I'd challange anyone to find a post on LB where I was mean to anyone.

My comment was NOT in any way directed at Carol if that is what you are implying

. Jill ang tagalong, I am so glad you agree with Carol also but I don't think you "get" what I was saying or are trying to make it something else so it doesn't apply to you, as humans that is normal though. Sometimes people defend their constant snarky behavior by saying people need to not be so sensitive and so on. How about those who can't control themselves not to constantly pick apart everything others say "get out of the kitchen"

. I am not new to forums and yes there are many that are much worse but if you were to look around you would see there are many that are nice, every forum has people who love trouble and putting others down which is different from having different opinions. LB is a wonderful place to learn with MANY wonderful people but sometimes people that just don't take a break from doing what they seem to do best justs gets a little tiresome. BTW I totally expect this post to be broken down into little quotes but I won't be seeing it, one word, blocked

I like a challenge as my friends know well. I can't take you up on your offer though, as "someone" didn't like my opinion on one of my topics posted and the whole thing was removed.

 

[Jill]

Thank you, ladies. I am confident that people who are around this place long enough usually discover that I'm actually a nice person with reasonable advice and input. Like I said, show me where I've been mean or rude? And if you cannot find it, maybe take a step back and see why else a handful of others would say something negative about me...

 

[OhHorsePee]

Fran, have you gotten your water situation fixed? I hope so I bet that's really hard on you especially with sensitive skin!!!

Here is a snide remark you made to me Jill. You knew we had purchased our new house and the real estate agent didn't disclose that our water was unfit for human consumption. You knew our animals had gotten sick and so had Ron. This was on the lipstick thread where I put I had sensitive skin so I had to buy Estee Lauder lipstick. So, in the fashion you have been towards me you wrote the above about our water. The thread asked about our favorite lipstick. Color and brand. I answered and you hit a remark of the above. So in your fashion you make a remark that you know would hurt someone but since others don't know what is going on you say you are being nice or concerned.