JUSTABOUTGEESE Time to come back now
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Sun Runner Stables
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I can't believe this. I read your post thinking it was all some awful joke, then when I hit the part about the depression... My mom's Manic, and gets very very very ill. Has done so since I was about 10, and that's when I started to take care of her.
She'll fly into rages, throw things, scream, and hear voices which make her run for cover under our dinning room table. She can't sleep, and when she tries to eat, would litterally fall head first into her dinner. She loses tremondous amounts of weight and would carry things around the house, (cell phone, notebook, pack of pens, a sandwhich roll, and a flash light,) and refuseto put them down, they were "for emergencies." Sadly all the friends she did have, couldn't handle her, as she would show up at their homes and do the same things. They now care from a distance and send cards, and check with me before they come over, to make sure she was having a good day.
She's made up horrible stories about both my father and I (beating was just One of things, the rest just get crazier
), and told this to her parents.(Who sadly believe her and not her family, love is very blind)
This past year we had to Baker act her for the second time in my life, and dealing with her parents trying to rip her out of where her doctors put her for her own safty was just aweful. The whole family is split completly down the middle, and as a young person, to have both your mother and your only living set of G-parents dispise you stinks. With medication, my mother and I now get along fine, but her parents still will Not talk to us, and start up awful lawsuits against my father and myself contiounsly.
I wrote all this not to vent, but to share my own experience. My mother never knew what she had said or had done in these episodes, from being curled up in the fetal position on my bedroom floor teling me she wanted to die, or walking around, at night, with sunglasses and full raingear on, so the dust wouldn't get on her. Oh yeah, we've had some wild rides.
I completly understand what you are going through Vic, and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, Nothing leaves you as cold and alone and as helpless, as loved ones who go out of thier minds. I realise I am only a quarter your age, but I have done this now for 11 of my 21 years, and have had lots of experience trying to balance myself out, as well as my father & mother. LoL all of our close family frineds call me the parent when it comes to those times, as I am about the only one who can function with her like that. Anyways, here's my e-mail, feel free to e-mail if you want to vent, or anything. [email protected]
And start digging up medical records for her, if there is proof of her doing this via doctor bills and such, you may have a better chance convincing your distant relations, and getting her some support and her meds, and hopefully get her back to normal, and home. (We had to go to court, and get her deemed Incompetent, and I am now her guardian, and so can be sure to get her her drugs or anything else, before she spirials out of control.
((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Whitney -------------------We will also be breaking our wishbone for you.
She'll fly into rages, throw things, scream, and hear voices which make her run for cover under our dinning room table. She can't sleep, and when she tries to eat, would litterally fall head first into her dinner. She loses tremondous amounts of weight and would carry things around the house, (cell phone, notebook, pack of pens, a sandwhich roll, and a flash light,) and refuseto put them down, they were "for emergencies." Sadly all the friends she did have, couldn't handle her, as she would show up at their homes and do the same things. They now care from a distance and send cards, and check with me before they come over, to make sure she was having a good day.
She's made up horrible stories about both my father and I (beating was just One of things, the rest just get crazier
This past year we had to Baker act her for the second time in my life, and dealing with her parents trying to rip her out of where her doctors put her for her own safty was just aweful. The whole family is split completly down the middle, and as a young person, to have both your mother and your only living set of G-parents dispise you stinks. With medication, my mother and I now get along fine, but her parents still will Not talk to us, and start up awful lawsuits against my father and myself contiounsly.
I wrote all this not to vent, but to share my own experience. My mother never knew what she had said or had done in these episodes, from being curled up in the fetal position on my bedroom floor teling me she wanted to die, or walking around, at night, with sunglasses and full raingear on, so the dust wouldn't get on her. Oh yeah, we've had some wild rides.
I completly understand what you are going through Vic, and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, Nothing leaves you as cold and alone and as helpless, as loved ones who go out of thier minds. I realise I am only a quarter your age, but I have done this now for 11 of my 21 years, and have had lots of experience trying to balance myself out, as well as my father & mother. LoL all of our close family frineds call me the parent when it comes to those times, as I am about the only one who can function with her like that. Anyways, here's my e-mail, feel free to e-mail if you want to vent, or anything. [email protected]
And start digging up medical records for her, if there is proof of her doing this via doctor bills and such, you may have a better chance convincing your distant relations, and getting her some support and her meds, and hopefully get her back to normal, and home. (We had to go to court, and get her deemed Incompetent, and I am now her guardian, and so can be sure to get her her drugs or anything else, before she spirials out of control.
((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Whitney -------------------We will also be breaking our wishbone for you.
susanne
dB
Vic,
I am so sorry for what you're going through, and I wish so hard for peace of mind happiness and security to return to your life.
You may wish to mourn on your own at first, but please reach out to family, friends and neighbors who wish to comfort you and wrap you in their love.
In addition to the love and respect for your wife that has been so obvious in your posts, I've also seen your caring nature in your replies here to young people and others needing help. You are a good and generous man, and as such you will never be alone.
I feel great pity for your wife, as she is obviously not acting rationally, but any sympathy for her stops where your devastation begins.
I wish we were all closer to you geographically, but at least we can all lend our support through this forum. Please visit us often -- as you can see, you have a wide network of friends who care deeply about you. There are few things like a common love of horses to bring an occasional smile, which then becomes habit-forming.
Please take care...we all love you.
susanne
I am so sorry for what you're going through, and I wish so hard for peace of mind happiness and security to return to your life.
You may wish to mourn on your own at first, but please reach out to family, friends and neighbors who wish to comfort you and wrap you in their love.
In addition to the love and respect for your wife that has been so obvious in your posts, I've also seen your caring nature in your replies here to young people and others needing help. You are a good and generous man, and as such you will never be alone.
I feel great pity for your wife, as she is obviously not acting rationally, but any sympathy for her stops where your devastation begins.
I wish we were all closer to you geographically, but at least we can all lend our support through this forum. Please visit us often -- as you can see, you have a wide network of friends who care deeply about you. There are few things like a common love of horses to bring an occasional smile, which then becomes habit-forming.
Please take care...we all love you.
susanne
Ahhh l am so very sorry for your problems l sure wouldn't wish this on anyone. ls it possible she is just having a crisis of her own nothing to do with you...my mom in her late 70's left my dad in his 80's at that time saying she had to do this as she couldn't breathe anymore and felt she was chocking with her life. No matter what my dad did for her it didn't work so she left for about 3 months when she came back on her own she was very sorry and said not to speak of it in the future but it was her time and her way of coming to terms with her ageing. Not saying this applies to your wife but women any age can have bouts of unknown behavior they act on. My parents are together again and some things they don't do anymore and new ones have been added as she felt she needed change in her life and it was the same constant that did her in. lf your wife has a history and needs to be on her meds it won't take long till the rest of the family finds out she is not right with herself and might try to get her moving in the direction to get the help she needs. Sometimes the person someone feels closest to is the one who is pushed the farthest away. l hope you can feel for her in your heart if this is the case as she has no control. l know thats no comfort for the pain this is causing you and l wish the very very best for you no matter the out come.
ChrystalPaths
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Dear Vic, I am so glad you finally came home to our family support. The responses here have brought me to tears and I thank all of you guys for helping Vic. He is one very special person and sure doesn't deserve this heartache. He just needs the caring and support that we specialize in. Oh and my wishbone is, of course, yours. Always caring and here for you Deb
C & C Farms
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Vic....I'm so sorry to hear about this! Keeping you in my prayers..
Take care....
Take care....
AppyLover2
Well-Known Member
Vic, there is no wishbone at my house today; but my heart is breaking for you.
I very well know the fear of growing old alone. And it has come to pass. But, trite as it may sound, after a while the pain really does lessen and life isn't so terrible every day. There comes a time when you can actually look back and shrug it off and accept the fact that there was nothing you could do to change things. The losses of loved ones in our life are the most difficult challenges we are faced with. And I agree with you.....this kind of loss is harder to accept than death.
My wish for you is that you maintain the strength to see this through to whatever the outcome may be. ((((((hugs)))))
I very well know the fear of growing old alone. And it has come to pass. But, trite as it may sound, after a while the pain really does lessen and life isn't so terrible every day. There comes a time when you can actually look back and shrug it off and accept the fact that there was nothing you could do to change things. The losses of loved ones in our life are the most difficult challenges we are faced with. And I agree with you.....this kind of loss is harder to accept than death.
My wish for you is that you maintain the strength to see this through to whatever the outcome may be. ((((((hugs)))))
Sue_C.
Well-Known Member
Oh Vic!! My heart breaks for you...wish I could help, wish there was some magic phrase that would "make the world go away".
Reminds me of what a friend said one time, after one of her treatments.
"Some people say the Lord never gives you more than He thinks you can handle"..."Sometimes...sometimes...I wish he didn't trust me so much".
Hugs, and warm thought reaching out from Nova Scotia...God Bless.
Reminds me of what a friend said one time, after one of her treatments.
"Some people say the Lord never gives you more than He thinks you can handle"..."Sometimes...sometimes...I wish he didn't trust me so much".
Hugs, and warm thought reaching out from Nova Scotia...God Bless.
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Hello Vic,
Oh my God, I wish I had some magic to help you ease your pain.I can only say I am sorry.
Did she seem strange in any way before you left? As you now look back on things? Could she have had a nervous breakdown of some kind? Do you think you can recoup any of the financial things? I know that does not seem important now to you, but if she is not herself someone could take advantage of her??
Wow I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.........
Heres a hug and you are in my prayers, I am so so sorry.
Take care of yourself you will need your strength.
Bonnie
Oh my God, I wish I had some magic to help you ease your pain.I can only say I am sorry.
Did she seem strange in any way before you left? As you now look back on things? Could she have had a nervous breakdown of some kind? Do you think you can recoup any of the financial things? I know that does not seem important now to you, but if she is not herself someone could take advantage of her??
Wow I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.........
Heres a hug and you are in my prayers, I am so so sorry.
Take care of yourself you will need your strength.
Bonnie
rabbitsfizz
Well-Known Member
Oh Vic...what can I possibly say?? I shall not even try as words would all fall short. {{{Hugs}}} for you , though, and all my prayers. I shall think of you often. Jane.
Shari
Well-Known Member
Vic I am so sorry...
My Hubby's mother is on those kinds of Meds.. so I know what my mother in law was like when she decided to stop taking them. It was heart wrenching to the extreme,, we knew she didn't really mean all the things she said or did. In fact she hated her own son for years because we tried to help her get back on track. They are only now starting to talk again,,, but it helps she is on the Meds again and on a even keel.
I would let the other family members knows.. and see if they have a family doc her Doc can send copies of her records too. That way they have a heads up.. and maybe they can help.
My heart goes out to you! You will also not be alone,, we are all here if you need us.
My Hubby's mother is on those kinds of Meds.. so I know what my mother in law was like when she decided to stop taking them. It was heart wrenching to the extreme,, we knew she didn't really mean all the things she said or did. In fact she hated her own son for years because we tried to help her get back on track. They are only now starting to talk again,,, but it helps she is on the Meds again and on a even keel.
I would let the other family members knows.. and see if they have a family doc her Doc can send copies of her records too. That way they have a heads up.. and maybe they can help.
My heart goes out to you! You will also not be alone,, we are all here if you need us.
I'm glad you're here now Vic. I knew you'd come if I prodded you. I did it for a reason. You just think you're alone when you are not.
I know we are all cyber friends. But do realize and don't forget that we are still all real people here for you, that are behind this box. We have feelings and emotions and are heart beating people like you and we will not leave you hanging.
Don't leave.
Stay.
We are going to get you through this holiday season too if we have to stand on our heads upside down.
You are not alone anymore. You are with friends that care very much for you.
I hope things with the horses are still ok and they are secure.
And don't forget about that trip we discussed either.
I know we are all cyber friends. But do realize and don't forget that we are still all real people here for you, that are behind this box. We have feelings and emotions and are heart beating people like you and we will not leave you hanging.
Don't leave.
Stay.
We are going to get you through this holiday season too if we have to stand on our heads upside down.
You are not alone anymore. You are with friends that care very much for you.
I hope things with the horses are still ok and they are secure.
And don't forget about that trip we discussed either.
M
mountain_waif
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lilhorseladie
Well-Known Member
Wow Vic, My heart breaks at your story. I can not imagine the pain an betrayal you must feel after so many years together. I am guessing that the woman who left you is not the woman you loved and married. I can tell you these emotional problems women face make them unrecognizable to even themselves. I will say an extra prayer on your behalf. Please do not blame this on yourself, she obviously did this on the sly and unbeknownst to all. Hang in there and make sure to have a support group. Love and Prayers,
ShawneeCreek
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So sorry you have had this happen to you, and especially this time of the year. I will never understand how someone can up and leave after many years of marriage without at least telling their spouse why they are leaving. I hope she will speak to you soon and maybe you will find out why she left. I know your hurting right now and are probably very depressed. Please know your not alone and we feel your pain too.
Take care of yourself and come back here when you can.
Take care of yourself and come back here when you can.
Buckskin gal
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Vic, Sending hugs your way just to let you know I understand your pain and loss. Life can get so turned upside down that we think it will never be right again but time does heal and chances are your wife will come back to reality and you will be together again. Remember what you told me when I said I was having a bad day in a pm? HUgs and more hugs, Mary
sedeh
Well-Known Member
Vic I'm so sorry to hear your story. I've always read your posts and thought how lucky your wife was. I hate that this happened to you and all we can do is offer out thoughts and prayers. At least your daughters know the scoop and are supporting you. Marty said some wonderful and very true things...we'll help get you through the holidays!
Vic,
I have a friend that was married for 36 years and was so in love wiht his wife it was just amazing. He went hunting up in Alaska and when he got home the house had been cleaned out and she was gone. no where to be found. A note on counter said she had had enough and wanted a divorce.
This was the saddest thing we had ever heard and tried and tried to help him win her back. It is now two years later and his life is drasticaly different. He went through a lot including a big move back to where he grew up. but, now she wants him back and he has realized that hsi life is so much better without all the mess anc chaos she had created in it. He is so much ahppier and enjoys his life so much. It ended up being a good thing she left. Now she is the only one miserable.
I know this won't mean much right now as it hurts so much, but I am hopeful that your situation will end up for the best eventually. While the hurt is still so fresh and things are such a mess, we are all here for you. I am sure that you can talk to any one of us or all of us and we will listen and lend a shoulder and an ear.
We may not be able to coem and knock on your door and give you a hug, but you have so many people all over teh world here that are thinking of you and praying for you and pulling for you. Most people never have something like that.
You are cared for here my friend!
Stacy
I have a friend that was married for 36 years and was so in love wiht his wife it was just amazing. He went hunting up in Alaska and when he got home the house had been cleaned out and she was gone. no where to be found. A note on counter said she had had enough and wanted a divorce.
This was the saddest thing we had ever heard and tried and tried to help him win her back. It is now two years later and his life is drasticaly different. He went through a lot including a big move back to where he grew up. but, now she wants him back and he has realized that hsi life is so much better without all the mess anc chaos she had created in it. He is so much ahppier and enjoys his life so much. It ended up being a good thing she left. Now she is the only one miserable.
I know this won't mean much right now as it hurts so much, but I am hopeful that your situation will end up for the best eventually. While the hurt is still so fresh and things are such a mess, we are all here for you. I am sure that you can talk to any one of us or all of us and we will listen and lend a shoulder and an ear.
We may not be able to coem and knock on your door and give you a hug, but you have so many people all over teh world here that are thinking of you and praying for you and pulling for you. Most people never have something like that.
You are cared for here my friend!
Stacy
willowoodstables
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Oh No Vic!!!
I am so sorry for your pain. I am still dealing with issues of grief over the loss of my best friend and mentor, my Mother this summer. It does get easier as time passes, but not as fast as you like!
I felt like a "neighbour" to you with all our chat about Wakefield Bakery, the Gatineu Hills, Shawville etc! Hugs and snuggles all the way from the Ottawa Valley.
Kim
I am so sorry for your pain. I am still dealing with issues of grief over the loss of my best friend and mentor, my Mother this summer. It does get easier as time passes, but not as fast as you like!
I felt like a "neighbour" to you with all our chat about Wakefield Bakery, the Gatineu Hills, Shawville etc! Hugs and snuggles all the way from the Ottawa Valley.
Kim
