Lily Munster, Mistress of this fine and interesting old farm house is finally going to be sent to the dungeon and silenced. After years of complaining that we need upgrades in this house, Mr. Retirement has stepped forward. I’m not a complete nag but I have on more than one occasion muttered my displeasure about some of the lesser joys of living in a very old house. Over the years, we have done a bit of remodeling here and there but projects were either left incomplete or lacking enthusiasm to say the least. You know what they say when you are married to a plumber that their faucets always leak at home. Basically it’s been the same thing around here: I married a General Contractor who builds beautiful and amazing things for customers, but never gets the job done at home; thus I have nooks and crannies that are flat out scary places and a dread to clean. But this time it’s different because Mr. Retirement now has the time and he’s a work-a-holic. Game on!
Little background: This house was not built by builders by any stretch of the imagination. It was built by a couple of old guys that used whatever they had. Back then, there were no inspections or permits issued for construction and gainful employment meant a still in the woods that would produce corn liquor. All that equaled a crooked house with a multitude of adjustments to make. Since Mr. Retirement has been fixing other people’s building disasters for over 50 years and loves challenges, this is just another walk in the park for him.
This fall I thought Mr. Retirement was talking about a little sprucing up here and there once again while I would do the traditional fall cleaning extravaganza. I was thinking about getting our screens replaced that “somebody’s” dog tore up years ago; fix the front door that doesn’t shut right since WWII and a million other minor things which have always been pushed aside. And how about some paint! I love to paint! What I didn’t realize was that Mr. Retirement was thinking about a full remodel in every room of the house. He wants to sell the house eventually and move to our valley property so I guess he thought this was a good time to get fixing Or just silence Lily Munster once and for all.
In mid July, I saw Mr. Retirement bringing his beloved collection of levels from the garage to the house. Levels always mean something serious. It should have been a clue that something else even more serious was up, when another day I glanced over from the barnyard and noticed him walking in the back door with a crowbar. About an hour later I entered the house to find the entire old tile ceiling was dropped on the living room floor. I am so not kidding. Bam! Ceiling down. The front porch was turned into the designated saw mill and in came the dry wall and up it went.
Next, while in town picking up paint, I returned to find Mr. Retirement had torn off all the molding around the ceiling and doors and windows and had thrown it out the back door in a heap. Where are my door frames? He ripped them off too and hauled out piles of boards. He said the doorways were not straight. He’s got that level going on and shoving shims in the walls left and right and sawing old wood out of them. If Mr. Retirement aka Demolition Man sees a wall that wasn’t built to his liking, he takes the crowbar and sledge hammer and dang it’s smashed to smithereens. This is demolition at its finest. I had another shocker when he addressed the windows; the ones that require spraying with WD 40 and some banging to get them to open and close; oh, and some of them leak. I haven’t ever been able to see out of three of them because they are so old they have this fog stuff going on inside of the glass that you cannot clear up. That’s 11 dang windows being replaced and of course to do that, all the vinyl siding on the house has to get torn off. Then the new windows didn’t fit correctly, because the former builders again had screwed up, so Mr. Retirement found it necessary to cut into our interior walls in my living room of all things and make them fit straight and proper. That of course meant the vinyl siding won’t fit back either so now new vinyl siding had to be purchased. Feel my joy.
After that came the shocker when I had to watch in horror as Mr. Retirement tore off my country plaid and dated kitchen wall paper. That was torture. I thought it was “quaint.” It gets worse. Mr. Retirement decided to “check” the insulation inside the walls, just so he could “see”. See what? So he took the crowbar and ripped a section of the walls apart just so he could have a look. Who does that? Seriously. Mr. Retirement does. Then he proceeds to mess around with the electricity. Don’t know what he’s doing but the wires were hanging all over the place and he mumbled something about he didn’t want a fire. Oh my.
This turned out to be one of those situations that to accomplish one thing, you have to do ten stupid things first in order to do the thing you want to fix. And here’s the killer: Mr. Retirement keeps jumping from one project to another because of the weather changes. When its raining, he can’t work on windows so he has to leave it and then work inside. When the sun comes out, he leaves the inside work to go work back outside on the dang windows and vinyl siding. So much has been done already but there is still much more left to do and it seems there is no end in sight. What I have here now is a mess inside and out. My house is a war zone. We have furniture scattered and piled up all over the place that you have to maneuver around. Even the dogs are having trouble finding a path to get out the door. It was a plain nasty move the way I had to hurl myself over a recliner that was stuck in the hallway every time I had to use the bathroom. And speaking of the bathroom, in the midst of all this, “someone” through “something” down the toilet that didn’t fit which caused an entire day of potty repair and unclogging pipes, so the only toilet privileges were located in the stall of your choice in the barn. What little is left of the windows and doors have been left wide open all day long because with all the odor of new paint and stain, breathing is not an option with them closed. The good news is that Mr. Retirement loves to fuss and is a perfectionist and boy, he has really made a pretty transformation out of the old homestead so far and its being done right. So far the living room is nearly finished with three new windows and trim and the kitchen now is sporting paint and wainscoting which should shut Lily up for a while. Even my hallway (minus the recliner) is looking bright and cheery instead of the old dark “good for mugging dark alley” it used to look like. Its light and bright with no sign of cooties or things that go bump in the night.
As of right now, I don’t have a front porch anymore either. It began with replacing one plank that had a buckle and of course another can of worms was opened so, now its “porch down’ and at this point, I do really want to scream: ”Stop fixing everything!” When will it end? Are you getting the idea by now that someone around here does not like the retirement life? Someday, the Munster home will be officially out of business and I’ll never want to leave. I’m finally getting the home I always wanted and Mr. Retirement is going to have to haul me out of here kicking and screaming. That’s ok. I’m sure it won’t sell for quite some time so meanwhile, I’ll enjoy it.
So here’s the really bad news: Because of this mess, I’m going to be very late putting out my fall decorations this year which has me really worried. I do have some of them up but I can’t finish until Mr. Retirement stops amazing me so bring on the Gastroguard because I am a professional worrier. Goodness, for me to be tardy decorating for a season is a mortal sin, so for a while I was a big pain to Mr. Retirement. You have to remember that Mr. Retirement doesn’t really speak more than two words a year and instead uses “the stare”. The “stare” means “Knock it off”. A big stare would mean: “STOP IT,” So when I asked: “How much longer will it be until I can break out the fall decorations? I would get “the stare” in response. I’d continue: “You know, I usually have them up by now……” And that stare would get really big! More: “When will the windows be installed; I have to get the drapes laundered and ironed ya know”? About that time the stare turned into a finger pointing towards the door, which meant for me to go away. I did. Promptly.
Since he threw me out and I have also been permanently banned from the use of power tools (we’re not going there) I began my fall clean up working outside. Things really get run down looking fast around here if you don’t keep after them so painted all 7 of my picket gates which were looking shabby and got my barn doors painted too. Amazing what a fresh coat of paint can do. Amy helped. Ever seen a German shepherd with white spots? She’s a part Dalmatian now. I also have two new pinto fillies that I swore were solid! Next I’ll be painting the barn, inside and out to get it all looking pretty for winter. That should keep me busy for a while and out from Mr. Retirement’s hair. I have to pull weeds that grew in the fence line and wash down the white vinyl fencing with some Clorox water because it grew pretty green mold all over it that is plastered to it like tar. Thinking I’ll need a chisel. I’ve already been scrubbing on that vinyl fence for over a week and I’m still not finished. It might actually be moss, not mold but whatever it is, it’s green and gross. I took all the fans down that were hanging in the barn to put away until next summer and did cob-web and dust removal so the barn is ready to paint. I was so dirty and itchy after that. Last but not least, I have to clean out the planters and trim the bushes in the front of said Munster House. Cheater that I am, I tried sneaking the power hedge clippers out of the garage and I got caught. There was this really big banging on the window and when I looked up, there was Mr. Retirement shaking his head “NO” and pointing south again, which meant for me to return them back to the garage. Guess he likes me better with all my fingers attached. I figure that with Mr. Retirement working on the inside and me working on the outside, we’ll get ‘er done somewhere in the middle before too long and then I’ll be ready for all our fall decorations. YAY! I can’t wait.
Happy Fall!
Luv, Lily
Little background: This house was not built by builders by any stretch of the imagination. It was built by a couple of old guys that used whatever they had. Back then, there were no inspections or permits issued for construction and gainful employment meant a still in the woods that would produce corn liquor. All that equaled a crooked house with a multitude of adjustments to make. Since Mr. Retirement has been fixing other people’s building disasters for over 50 years and loves challenges, this is just another walk in the park for him.
This fall I thought Mr. Retirement was talking about a little sprucing up here and there once again while I would do the traditional fall cleaning extravaganza. I was thinking about getting our screens replaced that “somebody’s” dog tore up years ago; fix the front door that doesn’t shut right since WWII and a million other minor things which have always been pushed aside. And how about some paint! I love to paint! What I didn’t realize was that Mr. Retirement was thinking about a full remodel in every room of the house. He wants to sell the house eventually and move to our valley property so I guess he thought this was a good time to get fixing Or just silence Lily Munster once and for all.
In mid July, I saw Mr. Retirement bringing his beloved collection of levels from the garage to the house. Levels always mean something serious. It should have been a clue that something else even more serious was up, when another day I glanced over from the barnyard and noticed him walking in the back door with a crowbar. About an hour later I entered the house to find the entire old tile ceiling was dropped on the living room floor. I am so not kidding. Bam! Ceiling down. The front porch was turned into the designated saw mill and in came the dry wall and up it went.
Next, while in town picking up paint, I returned to find Mr. Retirement had torn off all the molding around the ceiling and doors and windows and had thrown it out the back door in a heap. Where are my door frames? He ripped them off too and hauled out piles of boards. He said the doorways were not straight. He’s got that level going on and shoving shims in the walls left and right and sawing old wood out of them. If Mr. Retirement aka Demolition Man sees a wall that wasn’t built to his liking, he takes the crowbar and sledge hammer and dang it’s smashed to smithereens. This is demolition at its finest. I had another shocker when he addressed the windows; the ones that require spraying with WD 40 and some banging to get them to open and close; oh, and some of them leak. I haven’t ever been able to see out of three of them because they are so old they have this fog stuff going on inside of the glass that you cannot clear up. That’s 11 dang windows being replaced and of course to do that, all the vinyl siding on the house has to get torn off. Then the new windows didn’t fit correctly, because the former builders again had screwed up, so Mr. Retirement found it necessary to cut into our interior walls in my living room of all things and make them fit straight and proper. That of course meant the vinyl siding won’t fit back either so now new vinyl siding had to be purchased. Feel my joy.
After that came the shocker when I had to watch in horror as Mr. Retirement tore off my country plaid and dated kitchen wall paper. That was torture. I thought it was “quaint.” It gets worse. Mr. Retirement decided to “check” the insulation inside the walls, just so he could “see”. See what? So he took the crowbar and ripped a section of the walls apart just so he could have a look. Who does that? Seriously. Mr. Retirement does. Then he proceeds to mess around with the electricity. Don’t know what he’s doing but the wires were hanging all over the place and he mumbled something about he didn’t want a fire. Oh my.
This turned out to be one of those situations that to accomplish one thing, you have to do ten stupid things first in order to do the thing you want to fix. And here’s the killer: Mr. Retirement keeps jumping from one project to another because of the weather changes. When its raining, he can’t work on windows so he has to leave it and then work inside. When the sun comes out, he leaves the inside work to go work back outside on the dang windows and vinyl siding. So much has been done already but there is still much more left to do and it seems there is no end in sight. What I have here now is a mess inside and out. My house is a war zone. We have furniture scattered and piled up all over the place that you have to maneuver around. Even the dogs are having trouble finding a path to get out the door. It was a plain nasty move the way I had to hurl myself over a recliner that was stuck in the hallway every time I had to use the bathroom. And speaking of the bathroom, in the midst of all this, “someone” through “something” down the toilet that didn’t fit which caused an entire day of potty repair and unclogging pipes, so the only toilet privileges were located in the stall of your choice in the barn. What little is left of the windows and doors have been left wide open all day long because with all the odor of new paint and stain, breathing is not an option with them closed. The good news is that Mr. Retirement loves to fuss and is a perfectionist and boy, he has really made a pretty transformation out of the old homestead so far and its being done right. So far the living room is nearly finished with three new windows and trim and the kitchen now is sporting paint and wainscoting which should shut Lily up for a while. Even my hallway (minus the recliner) is looking bright and cheery instead of the old dark “good for mugging dark alley” it used to look like. Its light and bright with no sign of cooties or things that go bump in the night.
As of right now, I don’t have a front porch anymore either. It began with replacing one plank that had a buckle and of course another can of worms was opened so, now its “porch down’ and at this point, I do really want to scream: ”Stop fixing everything!” When will it end? Are you getting the idea by now that someone around here does not like the retirement life? Someday, the Munster home will be officially out of business and I’ll never want to leave. I’m finally getting the home I always wanted and Mr. Retirement is going to have to haul me out of here kicking and screaming. That’s ok. I’m sure it won’t sell for quite some time so meanwhile, I’ll enjoy it.
So here’s the really bad news: Because of this mess, I’m going to be very late putting out my fall decorations this year which has me really worried. I do have some of them up but I can’t finish until Mr. Retirement stops amazing me so bring on the Gastroguard because I am a professional worrier. Goodness, for me to be tardy decorating for a season is a mortal sin, so for a while I was a big pain to Mr. Retirement. You have to remember that Mr. Retirement doesn’t really speak more than two words a year and instead uses “the stare”. The “stare” means “Knock it off”. A big stare would mean: “STOP IT,” So when I asked: “How much longer will it be until I can break out the fall decorations? I would get “the stare” in response. I’d continue: “You know, I usually have them up by now……” And that stare would get really big! More: “When will the windows be installed; I have to get the drapes laundered and ironed ya know”? About that time the stare turned into a finger pointing towards the door, which meant for me to go away. I did. Promptly.
Since he threw me out and I have also been permanently banned from the use of power tools (we’re not going there) I began my fall clean up working outside. Things really get run down looking fast around here if you don’t keep after them so painted all 7 of my picket gates which were looking shabby and got my barn doors painted too. Amazing what a fresh coat of paint can do. Amy helped. Ever seen a German shepherd with white spots? She’s a part Dalmatian now. I also have two new pinto fillies that I swore were solid! Next I’ll be painting the barn, inside and out to get it all looking pretty for winter. That should keep me busy for a while and out from Mr. Retirement’s hair. I have to pull weeds that grew in the fence line and wash down the white vinyl fencing with some Clorox water because it grew pretty green mold all over it that is plastered to it like tar. Thinking I’ll need a chisel. I’ve already been scrubbing on that vinyl fence for over a week and I’m still not finished. It might actually be moss, not mold but whatever it is, it’s green and gross. I took all the fans down that were hanging in the barn to put away until next summer and did cob-web and dust removal so the barn is ready to paint. I was so dirty and itchy after that. Last but not least, I have to clean out the planters and trim the bushes in the front of said Munster House. Cheater that I am, I tried sneaking the power hedge clippers out of the garage and I got caught. There was this really big banging on the window and when I looked up, there was Mr. Retirement shaking his head “NO” and pointing south again, which meant for me to return them back to the garage. Guess he likes me better with all my fingers attached. I figure that with Mr. Retirement working on the inside and me working on the outside, we’ll get ‘er done somewhere in the middle before too long and then I’ll be ready for all our fall decorations. YAY! I can’t wait.
Happy Fall!
Luv, Lily
