Ok parents, internet advice for teens needed

[sfmini]

I have a friend with a 13 year old who has basically had free run on the internet. I advised her she needs to rein that in, and install software to keep tabs on the kid and what she is doing. Also, make her a facebook friend, and twitter and whatever else she is on.

So, what software advice do you have for me to pass on to her?

 

[Marty]

This is one of my pet peeves as I work with two organizations that help find missing children and so many times the internet has been involved.

Mother is playing with fire and needs to be convinced that allowing free reign with the internet is a perfect way for her daughter to get kidnapped and worse. I for one used to think certain bad ugly things only happen to other people, but we all know my story......

Here are some of the top important things she needs to know:

Fix the computer to have a password that only mother knows so she can only be online when mother is there.

I'd have the computer in plain view, not in a bedroom where she could shut the door.

I'd be sure any and all chatrooms are out.

Never allow pictures of her child to be posted anywhere or her real name and address or school.

http://www.kidshield.com/

Here's some good software

http://www.internetsafety.com/safe-eyes-pa...CFRJexwodDjEFEA

 

[sfmini]

Oh, I already read her the riot act and she is on board.

Now, I am trying to find out about software that can be loaded on the computer and phone, and iTouch.

I sent her a link to a great Reader's Digest article, and it does list some software, but I wanted to take this to real parents who have been there done that.

Thanks Marty!

 

[ErikaS.]

I went to Best Buy and picked up ChildSafe for the computer and internet. Boy, did that tick off my step- daughter, but it sure worked. As for the phone and iTouch, I don't know. Definitely make her a friend on any webpage she has. My step- daughter forgot I was a friend on her MySpace and was surprised when I told her to tone it down. Yes, I paid attention.

 

[Littleum]

Hah, the software doesn't work. Unless the kid is dumb. Software will NOT replace parenting! It will just convince the kid to be more sneaky.

There's all kinds of less obtrusive "Big Brother" software (as I call it) which will log keystrokes, internet sites visited ect. I do not believe there are any apps that will allow for the policing of cell phones- I think that actually falls under federal wire tapping laws. If she's really worried about her daughter using her cell phone for evil, remove text & internet service from it.

The simple, least-drama answer is just to remove any private internet access. Access for the family through a shared computer in a public room of the house (living room) Computer in her room is fine, but no network connection. Wander by time to time. Perhaps install "Big Brother" software and periodically review the logs. Treat the internet like your parents treated the television when you were growing up- fearful it would warp your morality and rot your brain, so viewing was closely monitored.

Join Facebook and all that, but on most sites you can add people to lists and limit what they can see. If you're not friends with her friends, you can't see their posts and her responses. You can't see things she puts on their walls. So parental policing is very limited. Or they can just create another account entirely under a different name and you'd never know.

 

[Miniv]

Communication with your child is probably the absolute best thing.......

Brianna has her own computer, but it is right here in our office.......She isn't on it unless one of us is present.

She knows about predators online..... We talk about it regularly. I try to keep things open about games she visits too. (There are specific game sites that she's not allowed to visit anymore. We've noticed some questionable players there.)

She has a Facebook account.......Larry had one prior. The moment she got one, I did too.

This is a scary time, IMO.

 

[Fanch]

Thought I might add a teens perspective, if thats ok

The biggest thing is to have your friend talk to the kid and make sure they knows whats good and bad on the computer, where they shouldn't go, and what they shouldn't say. My mom is a good example of this; I have my own computer (bought it myself), in my bedroom, with internet, but I know well enough what to watch for and where I shouldn't be going.

So, #1 tip from a teen: talk about it, if the parent just puts up a buch of blockers, it will only make us rebel and try to find a way around them.

 

[sfmini]

Thanks to all, so far it matches what I have told her. Problem is the kid is starting to sneak around a bit and lying so time to really crack down. Another big worry is that it can hurt her in the future since companies are searching out stuff from the internet when checking out prospective employees.

I also told her if I were her and the kid locked me out of the computer, she would no longer have one. Same goes for cell phone and iTouch. Too bad to be the bad guy, but much worse to be paying a funeral home.

This is part of the Reader's Digest article, as you can see there is cell phone software available:

Wanted: Peace of Mind

Your kids are savvy enough to delete the recent history of their Internet use from their computers. Here are other options for the wary parent:

* Yoursphere.com is a social networking site that restricts membership to kids and teens ("creepers," adults trawling for teens, are sussed out and barred) and monitors bullying.

* LMK, for "Let Me Know," is a Girl Scouts site where girls can talk to one another about Internet safety.

* Websafety.com sells software that can be downloaded to your kid's cell phone and computer to alert you if she's sending inappropriate texts or photos.

* Safe Eyes, from internetsafety.com, lets you track your child's instant messaging, monitor social networking sites, and impose limits on his online minutes.

* Cell Phone Spy Elite, a device from brickhousesecurity.com, retrieves deleted text messages from cell phones.

Parental Guidance Is Key

Walking that fine line between parent and prison guard is tough. Here's what other parents do when it comes to their teens and social networking sites.

* "My teenage boys have to 'friend' me on Facebook, and if I see something that crosses my line, we talk, and they remove it."

* "We limit her contact list to a few trusted friends."

* "Since friends do crazy things, they are not allowed to use his computer."

* "She has iChat and Google Talk, but she will have neither if she chats with someone she does not know."

* "Two rules: The computer stays in the family room, and we don't buy laptops. They're too easy to sneak into another room."

* "I snoop. She doesn't want me on her Facebook page, but if the computer's on, I will check it out."

* "I unwittingly reinforced the idea that raunchy paper trails are bad when my teenager discovered my high school yearbook. Reading notes from my friends, she was mortified to learn that I had tried drugs."

*

"We conduct surprise inspections of her photo cache and iChat histories. We haven't installed spyware—yet—but if we find anything out of line, we will, and she knows it."

 

[Littleum]

the kid locked me out of the computer, she would no longer have one.

Ah, so that's what she did.

I did that once when I was a teen because I was mad at my father. This was back in the days when the "internet" was just a string of BBS's held together by snail-slow modems. My dad took the modem. And knowing I was clever (I'm his daughter, afterall!) he took the modem to work with him! He left at 5AM and got home at 8PM, so... I was foiled! He guarded that thing jealously for 3 days and I never had a chance to spirit it away.

I unlocked the computer and he gave back the modem. That was the end of the discussion. I never did anything like that again. It really conveyed to me my father was NOT going to muck around, negotiate or budge.

Don't take the computer, just take the modem. The network card is also an option, but a very determined teen will just be able to get another one easily enough. Cables are easy to replace. Modems? Considerable challenge, especially if the incoming signal is synced to the serial # of your specific modem!

One of the previous posters also made a good point: TELL her what she's NOT supposed to be looking at or doing. Set out rules. Don't assume she knows. It's horribly unfair to tell people on the flipside "You weren't supposed to do that! Isn't that common sense?" Don't assume anything. Tell her exactly what the expectations are.

I also recommend Mom gets to know urbandictionary.com and verses herself in the basics of l33t (pronounced "leet") and chatspeak, so she's somewhat up to date on internet slang. If she saw her daughter refer to "pr0n" would she know what her kid was talking about? (pr0n is l33t for "porn") My mom initially thought "Rockzorz" meant crack cocaine but it just means "that rocks!"

Maybe your friend should look at this as a chance to bond with her daughter! My mom works in child protection and we always laugh about how she needs translations for "rockzorz" or "pwned" or "fanboi" or "what is a 'failboat'?"

 

[MiniMaid]

Having "horrible" parents, Obiously I do to xD

But I need to add a 12 year old point of veiw to this.

I would like kill my mom if she looked at the messages i've sent on Youtube, Facebook, Myspace,Twitter,whatever, even if nothing inipropriate is in them and im just talking about ice cream and unicorns. It isnt anyones business except mine. If your kid has a myspace/facebook/whatev just ask them to put it on private or whatever.

I mean, the parent DOES have a right to be conserned, but if the child is over the age of 13 it is illegal to be hacking their acounts.

And on the Itouch- I phone- you dont need a pw to check the vids, photos, or outbox.

(But maybe this is biased becuase im a frikken rebel xD)

 

[_minihorses4ever_]

Here is some perspective from my 15 year old self..

I have free run on my computer. I Facebook (Which is set to private--only my friends can see) and I have two forums I frequent. I do not, however, go to any websites besides horses, shopping, music, school related, or online games to pass the time. Neither do my friends.. So, really, parents shouldn't expect their child to be doing something they shouldn't. Just lay down the laws, and maybe ask to check their Myspace or Facebook every once in a while (Face it,, most teens these days have one or the other..). Honestly I am well aware of staying safe on the computer, and I will not do anything to risk my safety.

So, #1 tip from a teen: talk about it, if the parent just puts up a buch of blockers, it will only make us rebel and try to find a way around them.

Exactly.. And I know many kids do find ways around them. I can understand how parental blocks are because of the ones we have at school.. Anytime there is an ad more than "G" rated, the website is blocked. Makes it a heck of a lot harder to do school work as well as a LOT more frusturating and time consuming.

 

[MiniMaid]

So, #1 tip from a teen: talk about it, if the parent just puts up a buch of blockers, it will only make us rebel and try to find a way around them.

Any teen who is smart eough to design a myspace page is smart eough to uninstall programs and hack.

 

[LindaL]

As the parent of 20 and 22 yr olds, we had computers in the house from the time they were about 8-9 yrs old. I NEVER put any kind of child safe blocks on it, NEVER snooped into what they were doing online...but ALWAYS talked to them about appropriate behavior and people they should be weary of. I openly talked to them about who they talked to online, what sites they were visiting, etc. When they were younger, the computer was in a public area where I could easily come up and see what they were doing if I chose to. As teenagers, they had computers in their rooms. As young adults (and obviously old enough to do as they please) I am friends with them on their Myspace and Facebook pages.

I do not believe you MUST put blocks on your computers...unless your child gives you reason to do so. It's just like snooping in their rooms...I never believed in doing that either.

I know I am in the minority here...and I know I may have gotten lucky by not doing those things with my kids and that something "bad" could have happened to them using the internet, but I am all about respect and kids should get the same respect that we as parents do....JMHO Communication with your kids works so much better than telling them NO all the time...If they are like I was as a teenager, they would just rebel all the time (trust me...as a teen I told my mom "go ahead and ground me, I'll just do it again!")...I never had to ground my kids....ever!

 

[~Lisa~]

Linda I am with you. I never put any blocks on the computer, never snoop in their rooms and have a VERY open relationship with my girls. My oldest(who is going to be 20) well lets just say there is little that she does that she does not talk to me about from partys, boys, sex and school.

My youngest shares with me as well and has a face book she knows about internet safety

We have always discussed everything from the time they were babies from personal safety, to internet safety

Trust is a huge thing and until they give me reason not to I have to respect them- I knwo when I was a kid nothing made me feel more unsafe with my parents and discussing things then the lectures and snooping- it did not make me want to share but made me know I had to be more secretive and sneaky

 

[Littleum]

Trust is a huge thing and until they give me reason not to I have to respect them- I knwo when I was a kid nothing made me feel more unsafe with my parents and discussing things then the lectures and snooping- it did not make me want to share but made me know I had to be more secretive and sneaky

Exactly.

Someone near and dear to me had a mother who snooped. There was nothing he was doing that was obvious, but she felt she had to go through his stuff "just to be sure" And she would REALLY go through his stuff- flip through book pages, dig through his backpack, flip mattresses, the whole ten yards.

She denied she did it until he caught her. She promised to stop, and he caught her again. And so on. He never gave her any reason to believe he was into things he shouldn't have been- 4.0, never out past curfew, had friends they liked and approved of, ect. But she just "had to be sure"

It left a major blight on their relationship. When she comes to visit him, he puts away his private things and locks them up because he can't trust her not to "check things out" He just does not trust his mother. His mother doesn't see why what she did was upsetting to him. It's an impasse that will never be resolved. She's of the "If there's nothing to hide, why do you care?" mentality. Sad, isn't it?

She doesn't do it out of malice, just maternal instinct, but has ZERO sense of boundries.

 

[Jesper]

there is a lot of good advice in all of these posts.

1. don't install programs and rely on them, they can be easilly uninstalled.

2. public room computer is a great idea since it is easilly monitored

3. webcams is a no no, nice gimmick but not needed

4. most people have a router which shares out the internet, use it, it has keyword filters, slap on all the most common things and it will block ANYTHING with those words in it.

5. chatlogs, save them, read them and if the kiddo won't accept that, cut the chats

6. talk talk talk about what they can and can't do online and with whom

7. take action if they break those rules set out

8. facebook and other sites, be VERY careful using those, facebook especially is BAD at tricking money out of people and monitoring anything you do and your "privacy" is nill there

9. once on the net - ALWAYS on the net, the net don't forget even though you delete your stuff (Google Cache and many others)

10. set up rules for which sites they can go to, and if they want a new page then have them ask you so you can approve of it first (check the history logging if needed)