Prayers ..my dad

[Leeana]

Today while my mom and i were on our way to over to Clyde, my mom gave me some very bad and unexpected news.

Well about 5 days ago, my dad went in to get his heart checked. He is diabetic and is always at the hospital for some test. Well the doctor recomended him to a heart specialist. My mom and dad went. Now i knew all about this. Well the doctor told my dad that he at some point had a heart attack and that the bottom part of his heart was black and he guessed it wasnt working. My dad knows this now.

Well i knew all that two because i heard them talking about it. Well today my mom and i were driving and she gave me the news. The docter told her (Not My Dad) that my dad had a massive heart attack sometime in his life. It was a silent heart attack or something like that. He said that my dad could have had it anytime, but since he is always in for stress tests from time to time over the year, and more then likely it happened within the past year or they would have couph onto it being that he hadnt had a stress test in about 11 months. The bottom part of his heart is dead. I think it happened a while back when dad had his semi accident.

My mom told me that the doctors gave her the choice to tell him or not. But the doctor said that dad was very sick and could and i quote 'fall over dead' at any moment. The doctor's only told him he cannot drive. This is why, im guessing, we didnt go to Michigan this weekend. My dad told me a different story as to why we couldnt go, but now that i know he cant drive ..i know that was it.

My dad is 74yrs old. The doctor's said that he could need open heart surgery or a transplant. But, i know a transplant will never happen and the surgery ...i know dad wouldnt make it through. He just isnt healthy enouph for it, he wouldnt make it. They told mom that he didnt have very long (under a year) and that telling him this could only take from his time as it would worry and cause more stress.

I just cant beleie this. I always knew my dad was going to die while i was young, i mean mom's 70 and dads 74 right now ..i always knew. I just cant even think right now. We had so many plans. Im thinking about getting a job. Mom doesnt work, and dad can no longer work. My dad cant drive, his job is a truck driver ..therefore no money. I am going to have to get a job so i can keep my horses. Now i dont even know what to do.

There's just so much i wanted to do with dad this summer, go to shows, go to clinics ..so much stuff. But i can drive ..but i can 100% garentee you i cant follow directions. I wanted him to go to shows. But right now, im dream of getting this show colt and all this stuff ...i just dont know if it can happen now. I cant make dad go out and may thouthands of dollar's and all this stuff, with him like this. He wont be there when i graduate, when i get married, when i have a baby.

I didnt cry infront of my mom, we dont do that stuff. But now every morning i wake up or step through the front door im just going to be worried if dad's still there. :no:. Knowing any minute now dad could die, and practically counting down the days, weeks ..months?

Im sorry ..i cant finish typing, i'll try to later.

 

[Sonya]

I am very sorry Leanna...I'll be praying for your Dad and your family. Doctors are not always right on timelines too. They told my Uncle he would be lucky to live 6 months (cancer) and he is still alive today 8 yrs later. Your Dad sounds like he is a very hard worker and determined man and determination can outlive any disease/illness.

Sending prayers and hugs.

 

[Leeana]

My dad doesnt know he is dieing. He thinks that he just has to start eating healther and exersizing

...i just wish he knew, it would be so much easier then keeping a secrete from him for the next few months and acting like its all fine and dandy.

Life isnt fair sometime ... :no:

 

[kaykay]

im so sorry and im sending prayers. keep talking to your mom about it

 

[Miniv]

Leana,

Sending you {{hugs}} and prayers your way.....Talk it over with your mom and hopefully you both will make the wise decision regarding on what or how to tell your dad about his prognosis. I am surprised that the doctor wasn't totally upfront with him instead of leaving it up to his family.

Enjoy the time you have with your dad....consider it a gift. Not all of us are given that "heads up" and don't get the opportunity to spend quality time before he leaves. Every moment is a treasure.....and remember that LOVE never dies.

Blessings,

MA

PS: Don't forget all the people that have been told that their time was limitted and the doctors were proved wrong! (Just thought I'd throw that in.)

 

[Lauralee]

Leanna there are MANY things that you can do to help your dad live longer.

It is imperative that he not smoke (if he does), control his diabetes and blood pressure religiously, and adhere to the doctor's instructions.

Now, its real easy to tell someone to do those things, but it's really hard to actually do those things!

That is where YOU can help.

Get some cookbooks that specialize in foods that are ADA (American Diabetes Association) approved. Cook him something that is ON HIS DIET, and low salt. He HAS to keep his salt intake low! And he HAS to check his blood sugar religiiously.

You are a smart girl....get on the internet and research some diet plans for diabetics and low salt diets. Also research signs to look out for such as swelling in the legs/feet, shortness of breath, etc....

Offer to learn how to operate his glucometer and check his blood sugar before every meal and at bedtime.

Does he take insulin or pills?

Keep him as active as he can possibly be. Heart muscle CAN strengthen itself over time. DO NOT let him strain or overdo it. But light, regular exercise would greatly help.

If he needs to lose weight, help him in whatever way you can.

The biggest problem with him is going to be controlling his diabetes, salt intake, and his blood pressure.

You can be his ray of sunshine that makes all of these things not so difficult.

Having a heart condition is quite depressing, both mentally and physically. Make sure that he sees a doctor if he is staying sad about this news. A positive outlook will give him the will to get better. You can help make it happen!

 

[Leeana]

Miniv Posted Today, 07:07 PM Leana,

Sending you {{hugs}} and prayers your way.....Talk it over with your mom and hopefully you both will make the wise decision regarding on what or how to tell your dad about his prognosis. I am surprised that the doctor wasn't totally upfront with him instead of leaving it up to his family.

I think he asked my mom if she wanted him to know. I wish she would tell him.

Thank you guys so much ....i can only pray the doctor's are off on this one to!

 

[Jess P]

Oh Leeana I will be thinking oh you and your family.

I wouldn't get a job just to support the horses, I would be supporting my family instead.

 

[nootka]

First of all, I am so sorry, Leeana, for this difficult time in your life and your family's life.

Please know that I wish it were different and I will hold hope for all of you that the worst is not true.

Second of all, I don't know why any doctor would not tell a patient themselves what is wrong with them, as it does not seem in his best interest NOT to know (I would want to know) so he can make changes to help his chances of outliving their prognosis, or at least prolonging the quality of his life, anyway.

And thirdly, your maturity is going to be tested, and so you will likely have some difficult choices to make, but always go with your heart and don't forget to tell your dad you love him, many times, every day. (Your mom, too).

Make sure you remember not to make mountains out of molehills, and focus on what's really important. I don't know if I could have sanely faced what you are, at your age, but I am offering some thoughts from a perspective a few decades down the road.

My best wishes,

Liz M.

 

[user 488]

Second of all, I don't know why any doctor would not tell a patient themselves what is wrong with them, as it does not seem in his best interest NOT to know (I would want to know) so he can make changes to help his chances of outliving their prognosis, or at least prolonging the quality of his life, anyway.

I have to say this puzzles me too. My father lived 45 years with heart disease and died of heart disease. He went thru bypass surgery and a number of angioplasties. His doctors never kept anything from him as it is not to a patients benefit. The Doctors were honest right up until my fathers last hours. There is a thing called patient.....client relationship. If anything I would think it was your father that knew what was going on and had the option of telling his family. Somthing is just not right about this.

I am sorry for the difficulties you are having and I hope for a good outcome.

Carol

 

[Hosscrazy]

I've never heard of a doctor not telling a patient the status of his/her health. Is this common?

Liz R.

 

[Lauralee]

In this day and age with patient's rights and lawsuits such as they are, it is RARE for a doctor to not be completely forthright with the patient.

However, it does still happen....very infrequently, but YES it does happen. It usually happens in cases where the doctors believe that, based on the personality type and history of the patient, that their condition will quickly decline if they know the truth.

I've also had patients make it VERY clear right at the beginning that they DONT want to know the results of their tests! Some DONT want to know the details of what surgery they are about to have! Some DONT want to know the disclosures of the possible complications related to their surgery. Perhaps this is Leann's dad?

 

[Leeana]

I talked to my mom and she said that it was by her request that he didnt know. She said that we will tell him when he is ready, he's just had so much going on.

I wish i had been consulted before my mom made this decision.

 

[Horsefeathers]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. We'll keep you, him, & your family in our prayers. Remember, Doctors know a lot, but not everything... sometimes they're wrong, and we'll pray that they are here, and that your dad has many wonderful years ahead of him... Treasure each moment... make many wonderful memories... be strong for him and your Mom... I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

:

Chris

 

[bluetaterbaby]

Leeana:

I'm so sorry about your father. Many wonderful people have given you their opinions and advice. That's what is so great about this forum. It's filled with caring, compassionate people.

People are all different. Some would want to know; others might not. As for me, I would want to know. You all will reach a point of decision that suits you. My father had a heart attack at age 36. It damaged a part of his lower heart which, of course, died. He almost died as a result. He went through lots of depression, which I'm sure is normal. He could no longer work and support his family. My mother went back to work. In the back of his mind, he probably feared having another attack. Times were tough and we all struggled. But, we made it and were stronger people as a result. We all learned to just take one day at a time and to live each one to the fullest. None of us are promised tomorrow. All we have is now. My father passed away at the age of 63. It's been a little over 5 years now. Oh how I love and miss him.

I pray that God will surround all of you with His love and bring comfort to your hearts as well as healing to your father. May you all have peace of mind with whatever decision you make. Focus on now. Do whatever you can to make a difference. Always let others know what they mean to you so you'll have no regrets. Live each day to the fullest and be the best you can be. We all care and are hear for you.

God bless,

Joan

 

[sunnybear]

Dear Leena, I don't know you and I am brand new to this site,my name is Judy.What I wanted to say to you though, is that Life is short here on earth and we should take each day and cherish it as it could be our last.Spend the time letting your dad know you love him.God will help you take care of the rest.

 

[dreammountainminis]

Leeana,

I can tell you this from experiance i just lost my mom the 30th of dec..she was only 69 and was a diabetic and no signs of a bad heart she passed away in my arms of a massive heart attack ...Cherish every moment you have with your dad , let him know that your sorry for any thing you may have done that you never told him or say sorry for some of the things you said that may have been mean natured ..

I just told my mom three days before she passed, that i was sorry for all the stupid things i did when i was younger...And that i really appreciated what she had done in raising me , I have five children now and i told my mom that i knew that i wasnt easy on her growing up and that i was sorry for all the dumb things i did..I am only 29 . I have five children and I have taken care of my dad fulltime for 5 years and he has parkinsons and the begining stages of alzhiemers..But i still cherish every moment i have with him...Dont stop doing things that you and your dad enjoy or he will know something isnt right ...I plan on taking my dad to shows this year.

It gonna be fun 5 kids ages 12 10 9 4 and 3 plus dad and possibly 4 horses i guess i'm gonna see how multifunctional i can be... Take care and god bless i am sending prayers your way...

 

[Michelle@wescofarms]

I'm so so sorry for your news for both you and your mother.

You've had a lot of good advice here. Please take care of yourself so you can help take care of both your parents. Do focus on the good and enjoying the time you have left with your Dad.

 

[Ashley]

I agree he may have longer then they say. My aunt had cancer and they told her she had a 5% chance of liveing.........here she is about 3 or so years later cancer free.

 

[littlehorse2]

[SIZE=18pt]I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Mine is also 74 , a diabetic, and has had a triple bypasss (when I was your age), and has had a leg amputated. My dad also has conjuestive heart failure. He has to nebulize every 1/2 hour, and is also on oxygen. My father isn't in the best of health, but when he had his triple bypass it was the only thing that saved his life. I think your mom and dad should look into it. Part of my dad's heart is dead also. If you want to talk more just PM me or email me.. I found my father dead on our living room floor when he had his heart attack so if I wasn't home he wouldn't be here. He tells everyone that any chance he gets. I was your age when it happened so I know what you're going through.[/SIZE]

Christy

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