Something I've been stewing about for a while now

[Eagle]

Recently I posted and offered to GIVE my full brother to Pooka to someone here on the forum who'd had a loss. When that wasn't even acknowledged in nearly 2 days, it hurt my feelings and I deleted my offer.

I had read that and thought " wow, I wish that was me"

I would have said yes please and Thank you every day for the rest of my life

I had to sell my best mare this spring, a month before she foaled a stunning small filly (she had always given me colts

) to pay for another mares colic fees. I was offered help from a family member but I politely reclined, I personally wouldn't take money from others unless I really couldn't afford to feed them .

I was also taught to write thank you letters and ask to be excused before leaving the table etc but i think this all went out of fashion.

Saying that if a horse of a friend on here was sick and they didn't have the money to make the horse well and feeling better I wouldn't think twice about helping in a small way as it would make ME feel better knowing that the horse in question is no longer suffering.

Does any of this make sense?

 

[ohmt]

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and can receive without forgetting"

 

[Eagle]

Amen

 

[Marty]

When my son was killed, people from everywhere came together and sent cards and gifts and monetary donations also. There were literally thousands. Being unable to personally thank thousands of people, I did a public thank you on this board, and in other places with the help of my daughter in law because I had been "sick" and unable to properly communicate for quite some time, and we also took out an ad locally to express our appreciation. Because of the overwhelming ways people helped us, I also personally vowed to "pay it forward" as best as I can which I do in many ways to this day.

At CMHR we always are grateful for even the smallest little things that most people would not bother with but everyone that supports CMHR in any way, doesn't have to be via money, even if it's with emotional support is appreciated.

"Thank You" is a simple thing to say and it should be said and come from the heart.

 

[CZP1]

I just think society has forgetten "manners". We were taught to send thank you notes for everything as well as saying thank you. I make my son send thank you notes. None of my nephews or neices ever send thank yous. But I guess if you don't make them they won't. I personally am tired of seeing (not on this board) people asking for donations for their horses surgery or can't feed them etc. Well if you can't afford to take care of them then they shouldn't have them. I know times are tough for everyone.

Recently was sent an email requesting donations for a friend who had athat horse had colicked and passed away. The person sending the email had set up an account for the grieving owner to help them "get over" the old horse and take donations for purchase of a new horse. The owner can't afford a new horse at this time. I was upset by the email and was like really!...about a month later the grieving horse owner sent an apology email explaining that the person who set up the donation link had borrowed the grieving horse owners laptop and went into her email and asked of this all on her own. The horse owner had "no idea" and explained that no ones email was used in a malicious manner. Bigs cahonas I think to ask!

 

[heartkranch]

Points in life go up and then can go down. Just because they can't pay for something one month doesn't mean they can't in two months. Really sad to see people say that. I had a hard time a few months ago with 3 horses colicing non-stop for about a month, spent pretty much all my savings to get them better. Well took everything then when something else happened I was stuck. Sorry that I only had 5k in savings!! I didn't ask or receive money, but I shouldn't own horses because I couldn't afford another 500 dollar vet bill at that time??

I have given to people on here money, and to others on other boards, guess what I've sent?! over 500 dollars. I don't expect a thank you, because I do it to help.

Really upsets me to see that "you shouldn't own horses if you can't afford them", sometimes you can't! I understand the part where they turn around buy more, or go to shows, that is crappy. but sometimes there is a reason.

 

[ohmt]

Amen to that heartk. We as people are much too quick to judge and make assumptions about others.

I had over 300 people at my graduation party. Almost everyone that gave me cards and money were given verbal thank you's and hugs. I was unaware that thank you cards were also necessary and had a lot of people upset with me over it. Why is it that you can thank someone in person but it is not a real thank you until it has a postage stamp attached? Never did understand that one. Anyone that was not at my party but sent cards or left early were all sent thank you cards, of course.

With my graduation money I was able to purchase a computer for school. It was something myself or my family would have never been able to afford otherwise. I was and still am incredibly grateful for that. Those future college students may not seem grateful, but I guarantee once at college that they will be.

As for my manners-i always say please and thank you, I try to be friends with everyone, I try to help when I can, I hold doors open for people and carry old lady's groceries for them, I ask to be excused from the dinner table, etc. My grandparents helped raise me so I am a bit old school. I find it very sad that because I did not send out thank you cards to everyone that people assume I have no manners. Are there some 'bad nuts' out there? Of course, but I try not to dwell on them.

 

[chandab]

Amen to that heartk. We as people are much too quick to judge and make assumptions about others.

I had over 300 people at my graduation party. Almost everyone that gave me cards and money were given verbal thank you's and hugs. I was unaware that thank you cards were also necessary and had a lot of people upset with me over it. Why is it that you can thank someone in person but it is not a real thank you until it has a postage stamp attached? Never did understand that one. Anyone that was not at my party but sent cards or left early were all sent thank you cards, of course.

With my graduation money I was able to purchase a computer for school. It was something myself or my family would have never been able to afford otherwise. I was and still am incredibly grateful for that. Those future college students may not seem grateful, but I guarantee once at college that they will be.

As for my manners-i always say please and thank you, I try to be friends with everyone, I try to help when I can, I hold doors open for people and carry old lady's groceries for them, I ask to be excused from the dinner table, etc. My grandparents helped raise me so I am a bit old school. I find it very sad that because I did not send out thank you cards to everyone that people assume I have no manners. Are there some 'bad nuts' out there? Of course, but I try not to dwell on them.

While I don't know if it fully follows the rules of etiquette; I think its acceptable that a verbal thank you would be enough in a case such as the party you are talking about with written thank yous to those who didn't attend but sent something and those who left early. Personally, I don't think I could handle sending 300 Thank You cards, although at one time that would be the only proper thing to do.

 

[Davie]

I hope I never forget to say "THANK YOU" when receiving something but sometimes in the stress of the situation we "FORGET" and I hope that is not held against someone that is going through a very stressful situation -- lists of people who donated may get lost in all the shuffle before the person can send "THANK YOU", especially if they are displaced.

Been there done that -- took me a month to find where I had put all the cards that were sent with flowers for Mother's funeral. I knew I wanted them in a safe place -- well that safe place was even safe from me. I did finally find them and got the "THANK YOU" card out but was very late.

I have been on a couple of fund raisers for people and when money is sent I try to let the person receiving the funds know who they are from but there have been times that I have no note or I toss the envelop with the return address, so therefore I can't forward the information. On one ocassion I had people send checks made out to me -- got the person a bank check; I was asked not to say who the money came from--even though I knew who it was.

Donating when you can afford it is good not only for the heart but for the soul. If I don't get a "Personal" Thank You I don't let it bug me as I just consider how stressed the situation is and I know that they appreciated what I did anyway. They usually have far greater things on their mind at the moment.

 

[Leeana]

I would never dare let anyone pay my horse related bills - Call it pride....call it ethics....morals...I would never allow anyone to insist on paying a vet fee or ANYTHING for me. Even if the money was insisted to be given, I would NOT allow it to be given. I am 22 years old and everything that I do and happens in result of something I do is my responsibility and I will take care of it, something my dad taught me.

I also would not allow people to pay my way to a national horse show and then not even go. I guess over time people forgot what things like ethics and morals are.

Now, I could see if it was legit and a special needs child or a youth had a pony or a horse and the horse needed something done, I wouldn't hesitate to donate some money - but I will not pay for a grown adult human beings responsibility. I am 22 years old and handle my own responsibilties (financial) - so I would expect a grown adult to be able to do so as well.

I am no saint - but I consider myself to be a good person and in everything I do, I think about making my father proud - but I guess I just have strong feelings about this.

LONG OVERNEEDED TOPIC! Thank you Parm!

 

[mydaddysjag]

I agree, most people these days have no manners. Im among those who could never ask for help, too proud I guess. We're not rich by any means. In the last month our car's motor blew up and the car wasn't under warranty, my husbands hours at work were cut and his pay was about 1/3 of what it normally is, we have a $430 bill from the emergency room that insurance wont cover when he broke his hand in august, and my one of my horses just racked up some very hefty vet bills. Before the horse got sick, we were on the "ramen eating" budget, so no, we certainly couldn't afford the vet bills. Just like I told my husband, we'll figure out how to make it work, we always do". Although we are trying to get out of debt and out from under credit cards, I ended up having to get a care credit card, and finding a new vet that accepted the care credit. On the bright side, I like the new vet MUCH better than the old vet, and my horse dramatically improved within 2 days of seeing the new vet. I did have forum members message me and offer to lend a hand, but I just can't take someone elses money. How terrible would it be if someone offered to help, and then their horse or family member got sick or had an accident and then they were short because of helping me?

 

[AnnaC]

A very interesting topic.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bit of a health scare. G/daughter and her partner hastily made arrangements to take a week off work and raced up here to spend a few days with me and the family. They then persuaded me to go back with them for a few days - they had only moved into their new house four days before my scare, but within moments of us arriving at their new place, things were re-arranged and I had space in the spare room for a comfy bed, a bedside table and light, loads of books and magazines to choose from, new bedclothes and duvet and new curtains at the window. A wonderful few days followed with lots of laughter and discussions about their new home. They then drove the 2 1/2 hours needed to get me home, stopped for an hours rest and after lots of hugs kisses and huge thank yous, they left to drive the 2 1/2 hours home.

As I'm not allowed to drive for four weeks, I have had to wait until today to get someone to run me down to the village shop - my family always travel in the other direction for various reasons - and I finally managed to purchase a card to send. Yes it will be a week late in getting there to say 'Thank you and God bless you for your love and kindness', I know G/daughter will not be expecting it, but I also know how much she will appreciate it.

I was also brought up to mind my 'P's and q's and to write thank you letters at Christmas and Birthdays, and at any other time they might be needed/appreciated. My G/daughter and her partner shared with me lots of hugs and thank yous in person, but I still consider my card - although a little late - to be an essential part of my appreciation for their love, care and concern.

 

[barnbum]

This is a nice post to read.

A few have mentioned someone saying one shouldn't own horses if they can't afford it. I can't find that. My words were

If one's finanial situation changes, then the number of horses should change. Breeding can be costly. If one can't afford an emergency, it's irrepsonsible to breed.

That's saying cut numbers or don't add if the money isn't there.
I follow God's nudging to know where/when to donate. Just need to slow down to listen to what He's trying to tell me.

 

[Riverrose28]

This thread had me doing some thinking, my first post was a bit harsh, and I woke up that night I posted it and couldn't get it out of my mind. I must say that if the people I donated to were in need at the time of the donation, doesn't mean that some were along the way things improved to the point that they could afford to attend the National Show or Worlds, still it hurt me to think they had the money to go and I didn't. It also got me to thinking of the lady that lives next door. she is in the military and lives alone. Yet she sometimes cuts the grass on my commercial property since it borders hers, and I had yet to say thank you. So today I said Thank You and took her some homemade blackberry jam. I feel so much better getting this off of my chest.

 

[CharlesFamily]

I just finished reading all of this thread, and there are so many comments here I agree with -- too many to list. But I must say, I am always upset with people who say "if you can't afford to ______ or _______. then you shouldn't have horses." Frankly, I pray for those people to never experience what some people are going through. Their ignorance of "hard times" just makes me feel sorry for them, and I pray they never experience true "need."

.

Thank you for saying this. We lost our gelding, Jinx, tonight and I am just heartbroken. I am still reeling, and we still do not know what exactly happened. Started with colic symptoms, but with banamine and care did not get better so I called the vet. Long story short, she heard a loud heart murmur - one that had not been there previously. We can't find the cause for it - something happened to drop his blood volume. It presents like red maple toxicity - but there are no red maples around, in or near the pasture he was in yesterday - and after 30 years of having horses on this property I still can't figure out what happened. She gave me the option of referring him to OSU - but I cannot put my family into the financial hardship it would have taken to make him better. We tried everything we could here at home and then made the decision to end his pain. I have been a lifelong horse owner - and have been very blessed that I have never had to make this decision before. I loved that horse and he was cared for very well - never lacked for anything. We are not on "hard times" but I won't do something that in the end, could put us there. I just will not put my family in financial hardship to do something that the vet wasn't even sure would have saved him in the end. If that makes me a terrible person, then I must be. But I have to believe that there are some on this forum that would feel they had to make the same decision, too. And, no, it is NOT the easy decision. I was second-guessing and hating having to do this up until the end.

Barbara

 

[Riverrose28]

Dear Charles Family, sorry I don't know your name, My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry for your lose. I've been in your shoes and you are not alone. In 2008 my vet referred one of my precious mares to an out of state hosp for treatment, I couldn't even afford to walk in the the door, cost would have been over $2000 just to get her in. I had to put her down, broke my heart.

I know your heart is breaking right now, and not even time will take away the grief entirely, but you must think of your family first and the ones you still need to care for. I hope you can find some solice in my words and maybe the words of others, that you are not alone. Bless you in your time of grief.

 

[barnbum]

Thank you for saying this. We lost our gelding, Jinx, tonight and I am just heartbroken. I am still reeling, and we still do not know what exactly happened. Started with colic symptoms, but with banamine and care did not get better so I called the vet. Long story short, she heard a loud heart murmur - one that had not been there previously. We can't find the cause for it - something happened to drop his blood volume. It presents like red maple toxicity - but there are no red maples around, in or near the pasture he was in yesterday - and after 30 years of having horses on this property I still can't figure out what happened. She gave me the option of referring him to OSU - but I cannot put my family into the financial hardship it would have taken to make him better. We tried everything we could here at home and then made the decision to end his pain. I have been a lifelong horse owner - and have been very blessed that I have never had to make this decision before. I loved that horse and he was cared for very well - never lacked for anything. We are not on "hard times" but I won't do something that in the end, could put us there. I just will not put my family in financial hardship to do something that the vet wasn't even sure would have saved him in the end. If that makes me a terrible person, then I must be. But I have to believe that there are some on this forum that would feel they had to make the same decision, too. And, no, it is NOT the easy decision. I was second-guessing and hating having to do this up until the end.

Barbara

Oh gosh--I'm so sorry. HUGS. I feel I would have made the same decision. Horses are not always a family affair and that has to be taken into consideration when making a decision to spend $1000s upon $1000s to save a horse, even if it is possible. This, to me, is not the same issue as adding expenses when the money isn't there.

Here's to your heart healing and for sweet memories to blossom. HUGS (again).

 

[minimomNC]

I would say about now that anyone that ever took help when things were tough, now wish they had just lost everything instead of having people think they are losers or should have faced their own problems by themselves. We now know that if you have tragedy in your life, you must first get rid of all of your horses, that will take care of it all. And you should never accept help from anyone cause if your an adult, you should fix it yourself. I guess this will make sure that everyone keeps their problems to themselves now. I would say you all got your point across very well.

OH, Thank you.

 

[Jill]

Barbara, I am so so sorry to read about Jinx!!! He was a beautiful and special boy. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

 

[REO]

I hear you Karen! Ditto.

Barbara, like I said in my PM, I'm so very sorry you lost Jinx.