Teen Pregnancies

[Taylor Richelle]

Well I'm hoping this isn't going to start a war I just need a place to vent and I know someone is going to listen!

First off, 6 girls who graduated from my school last year, are either pregnant or have had a baby. A girl that lives down the road from me is on her 2nd child. She's my age (17)

Then I go on a girls page on facebook, she's only 16 and she'S pregnant and acts like its no big deal. She's all excited to have her little baby girl, dress her up in pretty clothes and take her places, what I don't think she realises is what having a baby is all about. You're about to be caring for someone elses life 24/7. No more parties, dances, dates ect! Oh and get this, she PLANNED it!

At 16!! She's not even involved with the father anymore. She's posting pictures of her tummy all the time, so I read the comments and about half of the girls commenting are her age and saying things like "oh your going to love having her" "Holding her for the first time is amazing" which shows me they have already had children and they are still in highschool!

Now I really don't think shows like "16 and Pregnant", "Teen Mom" and "Mom at 16" are helping the matters all too well. Sure in a way it shows most girls the real trouble of having a little one at such a young age. But it's also giving girls (like the one I mentioned above) the idea 'well if they can do it, so can I!'

Honesly there really isn't anything that can be done to stop it. It's been going on for years and years I know! It just blows my mind to see so many girls my age pregnant and acting like it's no big deal.... I just worry about the future of the little babies, now I'm not saying all of them are going to have a bad life but sometimes in these situations you never know.

I will say though that my aunt at TWINS at 19 and they are both very bright young women and have everything going for them so not all teen pregnancies turn out bad.

So what do you guys have to say? Do you see it around you? Have any stories? Please don't flame me if I hit a nerve it's just something I had to get off my chest.

 

[Jill]

It's been a long time since I was a teenager, but when I was, getting pregnant would have been my worst nightmare. It was back in the mid 80's for me.

I do like to watch that "Teen Mom" show. Kind of addicted, but I wonder what kind of message those shows send to teenagers. I think if I were 16, I would envy some of the lives depicted on that show -- getting to live on your own, living with your boy friend, etc. That one "Ferrah" girl has a nice little place and even a new puppy... the other girl (can't remember her name) has what seems like such a nice boyfriend who is also her best friend and they have a place of their own now. I just think as a teenager, with a cerfew and chores, I would envy their lives.

If I had a teenage daughter, I would want to make sure she knew all about the prevention options and that I would help her get the pill or whatever of the newer pregnancy prevention options made sense including before she was sexually active........ to be honest and personal, that is what my mom did for me quite before "the fact" and I think it was a good thing. At the time, I was humiliated but she had overheard some friends and I talking and she just didn't want there to be any chance I'd end up pregnant at that age.

 

[wade3504]

When I was a teen it was considered "bad" to be pregnant while in school. At my high school you got put in a totally separate school if you ended up pregnant. Now you see it everywhere and I really don't think that Teen Mom show helps any. I was at a lab the other day for bloodwork. There were two teen girls there together so I figured one was there just to hang out with the other while she waited. Nope. I overheard them talking and they were discussing their pregnancy tests.

I hope we are teaching our daughter well enough that she won't end up that way and wait until she is mature enough to handle it.

 

[CharlesFamily]

Well, as the mother of two daughters, once who turns 13 on Sunday, and a former teenage girl myself, I know it was my worst fear back then and now also. I am very open with my daughter. Honestly, with all of the various forms of effective birth control available, and most you can get for free if you are a teenager, I don't understand how there are still so many unplanned pregnancies, unless, as you are saying, these girls are trying to get pregnant.

If that's the case, then they are just ignorant! And I say that because I can honestly tell you that being a parent is the hardest, most exhausting job there is. And that is if you are blessed with a healthy, typically developing child! Throw in any birth defects, health problems or developmental delays, and it becomes a whole new ballgame that even mature adults have difficulty dealing with!

I do think that those "Teen Mom" shows kind of glorify pregnancy. I don't watch them, in fact, we cancelled cable so now we can't watch them. From what I have heard, they are good at showing the downside of it, but I think some kids just see the cute little baby and tune everything else out.

I try to play to my daughter's anticipation of college. I tell her that regardless of what would happen, her Dad and I would make sure she got a college education. BUT - there is a world of difference between what college would look like. No baby means choosing the school you want to go to, living in a dorm, meeting new people, dating, parties, and basically the best time of your life! With a baby means you are living at home so we can help you take care of the baby, going to class and probably working part-time to help support your child. No parties, no football games, no dating - not nearly as much fun.

So, while we preach abstinence and waiting until marriage, we are also realistic and we also preach, "But if you're going to do it, PLEASE use protection! Come to me and I will help you!" This is what my mom did and it did not encourage me to be promiscuous - just responsible. Did I mention this parent job is hard???

Barbara

 

[Ashley]

Well I dont think the tv shows has anything to do with it. I think when it comes to things like this, crime and trouble children in general we as a society needs to look in the home at the parents to start with. Today parents expect to many others to raise their child, instead of doing it themselves.

I couldnt imagine having a kid at that age. Im 27 now and pregnant with my first and it still scares the crap out of me. Majority of them, if asked, would say they just wanted somebody that loved them unconditionally...............again where is the family?

I also agree with Barbara. Having a 13 year old step son who seems that is all that is on his mind these days(well and the last year or so) we preach the safety. We know waiting until marriage is unlikely but we do preach responsibility, protection and safety. We also preach that just because he is a guy doesnt mean he will have any less responsibility then the girl if he gets somebody preggo. HIs dreams are to play pro football, and we use that. And remind him if he gets somebody preggo those dreams are gone. We are also very clear that if he does get somebody pregnante we will not care for the child rather he will be careing for it even if that means giving up sports and all the other fun kid stuff. It takes two to get preggo.

 

[kaykay]

I read a study years and years ago that said more teen girls get pregnant between 3 to 6 pm. This is because they are usually home alone after school with the house to themselves.

I always joked with my neighbor (whose son is now a teen) that people need to "babysit" their teenagers. Most worry about younger kids and leave teens to do whatever.

I think it has always been a problem and always will be a problem.

 

[RockRiverTiff]

I talk about this all the time with my friends and family. I used to work in an alternative schooling program, and half my students were teen moms. The biggest issue I saw was a lack of accountability and no maternal instinct. I'm not saying teen moms can't be good moms - my own mom got pregnant with my older sister at 18 and worked three jobs at one point to put herself through nursing school, though of course my parents also got married "back then." But most of these girls are not being told that having a baby is going to change their lives, and as a result they don't (change their lives that is). There are a lot of things contributing to this mindset - the girls, the girls' parents, society and yes the media. I don't think girls should be shamed when they get pregnant, but the stigma attached to being a single teen mom with no plan, no partner and no job is totally gone. Since they are immediately eligible for healthcare, Section 8 housing and WIC/Link benefits, and since here the high school also provides free daycare for their children, they really have no concept of what it is like to struggle to support an unplanned child. You can see this on the Teen Mom show where only one of the girls has managed to hold down a job (Ferrah) and where some of the others (namely Amber) were clearly using government aid in the first seasons; now of course all the kids are living off the money they made from the show, and it does give other teens a very skewed view of what being a young parent means. I don't want to see the children suffer, but I do think if we don't force teen mothers to take some responsibility for their life choices they will never make parenting a priority.

 

[ohmt]

I do believe it's a problem and has been for a while. That being said, I never judge a person whose shoes I have not walked in. I do not know their personal situation. Maybe something happened and they are trying to make the best of it. I had a friend in high school who got pregnant and everyone said she did it on purpose to keep her boyfriend. She was quiet, a straight A student, and a very talented singer, and a very kind person. She was devastated when she found out she was pregnant. I talked through pros and cons with her (my mother had me when she was 18-having a child that young causes an array of problems, many of which no one can teach or warn you about unless they went through it themselves) and made sure her family knew and would support her in any situation. My mother is a smart and stubborn woman, but I don't think she ever could have made it without a supportive family. My friend kept her baby and finished high school. She was teased and gawked at and the subject of many rumors that she did not deserve. She never corrected-she held her head high and did what she needed to do, but nobody else saw that. So I never judge unless I know the exact situation and most of the time, even with family, I don't. I know there are teens who try to get pregnant and that's one thing, but most do not try and I have to believe (for the baby's sakes) that they will be good mothers and have a supportive family because that's what the babies need.

 

[Miniv]

Every situation is different with every teenager. But what always amazes me is that the word ADOPTION is never an option.

 

[fourluckyhorseshoes]

Every situation is different with every teenager. But what always amazes me is that the word ADOPTION is never an option.

I totally agree. Do young girls feel like it is not an option? I know there have been some bad foster care stories, but I would much rather my child go to a loving home than killed (abortion) or keep it myself if I was not in a place to raise a child right. There are SO MANY couples out there that are having fertility problems and adoption would be perfect for them.

Also a note to not judge every pregnant teen you see- this girl I went to high school with got pregnant but it was not her fault. Mom had issues and had a guy over that drugged and raped her. It was through no fault of her own but she decided to keep the baby (no abortion). But unless you knew her story you may have thought she wanted to get pregnant or was sleeping around--neither true. I'm sure this isn't true of most teen pregnancies but just a thought.

 

[disneyhorse]

While every situation is different... I do NOT think that people should decide to (or accidentally) have kids until they are financially, emotionally, and physically able. Otherwise it is nothing but SELFISH.

Adoption is NOT a bad way to go.

A child deserves parents who are committed to them and each other. Parents who can provide for them. Parents who are emotionally able to have the wisdom and patience for them.

I wasn't ever sure I'd have kids... not sure it was for me. I now have 5-month-old twins, but I am 32 years old, been married for four years, and have been at my current job for 13 years. I am ready to give 100% to my kids. I know for SURE that I wasn't ready when I was a teenager... even if I had thought I was.

Andrea

 

[Jill]

That is one good thing about that Teen Mom show. One couple that is featured did put their baby up for adoption and it was absolutely best for the baby. They even get to see her every once in awhile and the birth parents do seem like really good people, but they have had such really bad family backgrounds. They seem to be doing all they can to rise above.

 

[Marty]

I'm from the generation when back in the day if a girl got pregnant it was shameful and very hush hush. If anyone noticed the girl getting fat it was a tumor and then suddenly she would be whisked away to go live with a relative in another place and come back tumor free.

I can understand and very much sympathize when a young teen has had "an accident". It happens. I would not think of condemming any decent girl for that who just made a mistake and is handling it properly and doing the best for the child.

But what I can't stand is these very young girls around 14+ who keep on having "accidents" and have 4 kids before they hit 20 years old. A lot of these young girls I see here are very flippant about it and way too casual for me, especially when they don't seem to know who the baby daddy is. They treat pregnancy like its no big deal and jump in and out of bed left and right with any guy at the blink of an eye. I cannot believe the attitude. They just don't care.

And then here comes our government. Here, if you are a young unwed mother, they will give you a brand new townhouse to live in even if you are under age if your parent's sign a bunch of papers for it, and they will even pay for your utilites and now the whole family now has a new place to live rent free. You will also get food stamps and every single thing that baby needs including medical for baby and mama. And guess who is paying for these young kids to keep pumping out these babies? I know some of the girls here are not taking care of these babies at all and yes they do get reported by a lot of people and usually nothing much is done except a little spank on the hand to do better. This is so twisted.

 

[shadowpaints]

there are a lot of teens around here from my 4H kids that are turning up pregnant. a lot of them dont talk to their parents about needing Birth control, because they are scared to tell them they need it. many parents will freak out if their teen asks for birthcontrol. course then you have the girls who want to get pregnant and do, i know of one inparticular she is 14, and she purposly got pregnant she told everyone that she and her boy friend were trying to get pregnant. i went to her mom and told her what was going on and suggested she take her in for a depo shot, her mom said' i dont want to force her to do anything, that she didnt want to loose their friendship. so now this girl is prgnant, the boyfriend all of a sudden doesnt want anything to do with her or the pregnancy/baby

i have 2 little girls, and i hope that if/when they decide to be sexually active, that they talk to me. so i can make sure they have everything they need.

teen pregnancy worries me, these young moms that had everything going for them now end up with a baby. 9/10 will say they are giving the baby up for adoption but they wont. i have seen many of our young teens pregnant, that end up neglecting their baby because they dont have the mindset to care correctly for a baby, so the baby doesnt get the things it needs.i support the young moms that i know, and try to help them learn how to care for a baby, some appreciate it some dont.

i dont approve of teen pregnancies, but its not always the teens fault, i dont know what i would do if one of my girls get pregnant as teenagers, i guess we will deal with it if it ever happens

i am one to say that you cant wait till you can afford a baby, or youll never have one. we have 2 girls, and hope someday to add another. i had my oldest daughter at 20 and still kinda feel i had her to early... BUT i love them and would never trade them for the world!

 

[MeganH]

There are many things that affect and lead to this happening. Some girls that end up pregnant aren't the best mothers.. don't take all the responsibilities they should. Then there are others that are wonderful and work extra hard to be the best they can. I am very proud to have fallen in the wonderful mother list.

I had my son young. There were problems within my family and boys are super pushy these days (a BIG issue I believe). When you live in such a broken home and then some boy comes around promising you everything and that they will always love and take care of you, many will fall for it. Boys have one thing on their mind.. and they can be very manipulative to get what they want. Maybe some of them think that they can give those things to you, but many don't think of the "what ifs".

I worked very hard to raise my son on my own. Fought many battles, including the unforgiving and unfair judgement from people in the public and had no clue what kind of mother I was and how it was to walk in my shoes. Just the sight of me with a child made people SAY horrible things to me IN FRONT of my son. But thankfully I learned to overlook the ignorance and keep working to be a great mother and provide for my child.

It takes a very strong and mature young person to get through it. It is NOT for everyone and I would NOT suggest it to ANY young person. I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do what I have done.

I am now married and to someone who loves my son as their own and we have a beautiful family, now including a 2 year old daughter. Raising one of my children alone, then finding my husband, getting married and having a baby as a family have been two totally different experiences. I am very happy to have lived through both, as I think they make you a better person. (If you go about things the right way)

I am so happy to read some comments that really hit some of the issues on the money. And also glad to see that some know you don't have any idea if you don't walk in the shoes.

One of my goals is to teach my son to be a respectable young man and know how to treat a woman. His father ended up being abusive to me later in the pregnancy.. so I want to work hard to let him know what is not acceptable in a relationship.. as well as work to have him unlike the normal teen boy walking around putting girls in these positions. It is a very hard time in the teen years and many will look at things they are not ready for for comfort, or to feel better about themselves/things in their lives.

 

[Matt73]

I read a study years and years ago that said more teen girls get pregnant between 3 to 6 pm. This is because they are usually home alone after school with the house to themselves.

I always joked with my neighbor (whose son is now a teen) that people need to "babysit" their teenagers. Most worry about younger kids and leave teens to do whatever.

I think it has always been a problem and always will be a problem.

I agree. Same old story. There are a lot more conceptions,though, than live births that happen at that age (A LOT!), too, (morning after pill, abortions). I was support for two friends in highschool that had abortions at 16 (NOT mine

).

On the flip side....One of my sisters had her first at 19 (not in high school, but young enough...) and it was such a blessing in disguise for her. She got rid of the baby's abusive father during pregnancy and went through school to be a nurse. He is now a gorgeous man of 24 and my sis works for the Children's Aid Society of Toronto and just got her BSC in Nursing, too (after being a nurse for 20+ years)

(proud!)

 

[dianemcc]

You do see teens pregnancies on the rise.. But just because you are a teen does not mean you can not be a good mom or dad.. I have two friends that was both teen Moms.. They did not care that they was going to have a baby in 9 months.. But the moment that they held their babies for the first time it click.. They both worked their butts off to provide a good home for their kids.. Never did they ask for help from the state..

It is not only teens that make bad parents but you have some that are in their 20's or 30's that are just as bad.. DONT JUDGE ANYONE TILL YOU HAVE WALKED A DAY IN THEIR SHOES. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT LIFE STYLES THEY LIVE.. They could not have the best home or the best job or the best car but one thing is for sure they could take better care of their child then some others could..

The ones that i was just talking about did not have the best of things.. But one thing is for sure they could take care of their sons. with out the help from the state and their parents. they paid for all.

 

[rimmerpaints]

I was a teen mom and my daughter is now a teen mom. I was open with her. We talkedabout everything but she never told me like i asked her to cometo me before having sex. Like a typical teen she didnt and now we have JT. He is an angel and im very proud of himbut Paige and I both can say being a teen mom isnt a picnic. I think all these shows on TV glorify being a teen mom and I do not agree with it at all. Its not a cake walk like they make it out to be.

Paige was offered adoption.Abortion was out of the question but she considered adoption but felt she couldntdo it. After long talk she desided to keep the baby.SHe has myhusband and I to support her so she can finish school. Alot of girls dont have the family support like Paige does.