The Countdown Continues!!!

[justanothercowgirl]

as of 8:49a.m. EST Christmas 2005 is coming in just 12 days, 15 hours, 11 Minutes and 3 Seconds....

Up on the housetop, reindeer pause

Out jumps good ol' Santa Claus

Down through the chimney with lots of toys

All for the little ones, Christmas joys

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

First comes the stocking of little Nell

Oh, dear Santa, fill it well

Give her a dolly that laughs and cries

One that will open and shut her eyes

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

Next comes the stocking of little Will

Oh, just see what a glorious fill

Here is a hammer and lots of tacks

Also a ball and a whip that cracks

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn't go?

Up on the housetop, click, click, click

Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick

Santa is coming Santa is coming!!!

 

[Robin1]

Robin

 

[runamuk]

On the first day of christmas

my true love gave to me

A BEER

 

[Farmhand]

(Sung to the tune "Deck The Halls")

Deck the malls this Christmas season,

fa la la la la, la la la la

Blow your cash for no good reason,

fa la la la la, la la la la

Push your charge card to it's limit

fa la la, la la la, la la la

Your check book now has nothing in it.

fa la la la la, la la la la.

---

(Sung to the tune "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.

Down the road I go, sliding all the way.

I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.

My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.

I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.

The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.

Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.

I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.

Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.

I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.

I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.

The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.

Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.

People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!

I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,

Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!

Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.

I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.

The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.

Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusttttttttty Chevroooooooleeeeeet!

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Know what??

I am going to take up alcohol

and learn to swear........

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT

 

[shane]

i love this thread, you all go to sooo much trouble lol

 

[Farmhand]

Know what??I am going to take up alcohol    

  

and learn to swear........

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT   

 

519920[/snapback]

​

OH BOY

Can I join in?

I bet we can have one heck of a time having sleigh races!!!!

 

[sedeh]

I think it's your fault that my decorations are all up, the tree is up, presents are wrapped and under the tree and I'm like "time for Christmas" and it's still 12 days away! Luckily I do still have stocking stuffers left to get!

 

[justanothercowgirl]

Fizzy I do not believe for one minute that you don't know how to swear!!!

and....

I think we need to buy Farmhand a new car!!!

 

[wcr]

I think drinking and swearing is a very worthwhile pastime to take up in your old age. I shall also wear red hats, dance to my own drummer and embarrass my friends. What say Sandy?

 

[Farmhand]

A Microsoft Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.

The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,

As Papa did last minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care

In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,

And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.

The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,

To [email protected] -

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State

Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.

All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle

To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,

St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,

With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,

And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way

From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens

In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.

The elves have stock options and desks with a view,

Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)

No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums

Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS

With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,

From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,

And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

"Now, ADOBE! Now, CLARIS! Now, INTUIT! too,

Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,

It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -

Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,

And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,

And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.

To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,

As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,

The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.

As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,

My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates

Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.

And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,

Have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night.

 

[Farmhand]

Know what??I am going to take up alcohol   

 

and learn to swear........

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT   

 

519920[/snapback]

​

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...

1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.

2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.

3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.

4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.

5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.

6. You strike a match and light your nose.

7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.

8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"

9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.

10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.

11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.

12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.

13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.

14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.

15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.

16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.

17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.

18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.

19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.

20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

 

[runamuk]

Hey farmhand you grab the sleigh I will mix the margaritas and we will pick up everyone on the way to Rabbits house

 

[rabbitsfizz]

4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.

Especially if you are still in them