Update on hubby & me

[Elsa]

Just wanted to say I commend you for holding up so well and being such a great role model for your girls in this sticky situation. I hope things work out for you and he doesn't cause you any legal troubles.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

I think, as others have said, it's in your best interest to keep things REAL nice right now, as angry and resentful as you MUST be feeling inside. Sounds like he's feeling guilty, as he should be.

If it turns ugly it's just easier for him to get angry with you and focus on that, and then use that anger to justify not giving you every last thing that you and the girls are entitled to.

 

[lvponies]

You know......I was extremely angry and filled with rage on Saturday & Sunday when I found out about the affair. Now....I'm just sad. I'm sad that my daughters have to go through this, I'm sad that Allen felt he needed something new & different to be happy instead of trying to find happiness here with us, I'm sad that my life is changing. Hind sight is 20/20 and I know there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past. Just wish....things had been different, that I hadn't taken him for granted, that I had appreciated him more and let him know how grateful I was to him for what he did for us, that I had recognized that he was unhappy and did something about it before it was too late. I do realize as I wish these things, that probably nothing I could have done would have made a difference. All I can hope now is that I learn from what we're going through and maybe try to do things differently if there is ever a next time for me. I'm just sad.....

 

[Boss Mare]

I have been following this since the start, but haven't posted..

One thing to say..

You go girl!!

 

[Sonya]

things had been different, that I hadn't taken him for granted, that I had appreciated him more and let him know how grateful I was to him for what he did for us, that I had recognized that he was unhappy and did something about it before it was too late

Please DO NOT blame his insecurities and selfishness on yourself! One person can not make another person happy if they are not happy with themselves. He has issues...not you!

 

[h2t99]

What Sonya said is so true!! You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anything else!!! Do not blame yourself for his unhappiness, this new person will not make him happy either. You should consider going to counseling and even your girls to. Keep your head up!

 

[Mom2Cami]

I've had you on my mind so much...I'm very sorry, but you are a very strong person and will (in time) be just fine and Allen will realize how he has sooooo made the wrong decisions.

 

[Bunnylady]

Being angry helps you focus on what you need to do right now, but it doesn't make the pain go away forever, does it? I'm sad, too.

I'm glad to hear that everybody is "making nice," there's nothing to be gained by ripping each other up. Do what you need to do to look after yourself and your girls, don't waste too much time on "could have, would have, should have." Allen is, after all, still the guy you fell in love with all those years ago, the only reason you're seeing him with new eyes is, now you know just how stupid he can be. I hope and pray you don't also find out just how nasty he can be. You're a real class act, girl. ((((Hugs))))

 

[lvponies]

As Bonnie said, "And they will, as my mother said, cut out their own mothers heart and walk over her dead body to get to the piece of trash they are ...well you know."

I talked to Allen today and he told me that the woman he's messing around with is the girlfriend of a friend of his who I have met. Never met her he said, but I've met the man. I told him that there is a special place in Heck for the 2 of them!!!! I can more believe that he would cheat on me then cheat with a friend's girlfriend!! OMG!!!! He is such scum!!! Still saying "it just happened"!!! What a total JERK he his!!! Never, ever thought he would get involved with a friend's girlfriend!!! What the heck happened to Allen?? Allen said it would all come out this week. Guess the woman told her boyfriend that she's moving out, but didn't say it's because of another man. Allen said he didn't want to tell me who it is because he didn't want me making any calls. Said he was protecting his girlfriend so the guy doesn't beat her up. Isn't that just so sweet??? Awwwww!!!! LOVE!!!! This is all just too, too weird. This is not the Allen I knew and loved for all those years. I don't know this person at all. It's like what's happening is happening to someone else.....on TV or in a book or something. I just can't process it or understand what has happened to him to make him do this. He would never have betrayed a friend like that. Never!!!

I asked if he was going to marry her and he laughed and said no. Asked if they were going to live together and he said no. I'm just not understanding this whole thing. Not understanding what has happened to him. Has he been capable of this all along and I never saw it in him? He has always been very loyal to his friends. He still sees friends he had in high school on a regular basis. If a friend has asked for his help, he's always been there for him. This isn't the man I knew & loved all those years. I don't know this man at all. I don't know what happened to the good man I cared for. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE HE HAS DONE THIS!!!! What happened to him??? Is he just a walking hormone now and is willing to do anything to be with this woman??? I am totally disgusted with him. Has he gone insane??? I just don't get it at all!!

 

[barnbum]

I predict it'll only be a matter of time before he shakes his head, snaps back to reality, regrets everything, and wants his old wonderful life back.

Be prepared.

You're doing great!!

 

[lvponies]

Before I knew he was cheating with a friend's girlfriend, I mailed him a letter at his sister's where he's staying. Part of the letter said the following:

You will get yours one day and you’ll know exactly how I feel now. Every dog has his day. I may not be there to see you get yours, but I have all the faith in the world that you will!!! Karma, Allen!!! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You will get yours one day!!!! You feeling the pain you’ve inflicted upon us will fill me with more happiness then you’ll ever find with your cheating lying girlfriend!!! I can’t wait for the day to get here!!!! I can’t wait for you to experience what I’ve had to go through!! Because you will, I guarantee it!!! Maybe when that happens to you, you will finally truly understand what you’ve done to us. At that time, I expect you to come to me and give me the honest apology I deserve and that the girls deserve from you. An apology born out of total understanding of what you did to us.

 

[Brandi*]

I am happy to see you releasing your anger. There is no way of healing without getting angry first. You go girl! What you said in your letter is totally true!!!! He is scum and anyone who knows what he has done will no longer respect him. I don't know if this has been asked before but, are you sure this is the first time? I would think not since he has been lying about EVERYTHING

Keep hanging in there!!!! All of us are really proud of you

 

[zoey829]

I am so sorry for everything going on. It is so hard. I really hope one day your girls can repair that realtionship. Even though he has hurt you ( and them) they deserve thier father in thier life. What he is doing is wrong and they will see that but I am sure he still loves them. Even if he is acting like an idiot. I am so proud how strong you are are. I admire your strength and keep plugging away. My favorite quote, "ANd this too shall pass"

 

[Charley]

Kim, I am so sorry. This is so hard on you. Please take care of yourself and get mad and cry and let it out. I hope it will get easier soon and hurt less in time.

 

[Cathy_H]

I am sorry to hear that the trust you had in your spouse is gone! I have not been where you just came from but I would imagine you have crossed the hardest part of it all! You are right, a relationship does not just happen!!! Best of luck to you & your family.

 

[CritterCountry]

I think I posted on one of your other threads saying this is exactly what my dad did to my mom, and it has something to do with the man wanting to suddenly relive their youth and feel younger.

I remember thinking then, that Allan had another woman due to the evidence he was leaving but I didn't want to discourage you. The exact same scenario happened to my parents. My dad lied and said there was no other woman and it turns out he'd had the other woman for years and I had been babysitting for her all along.

My mom looked for and found the evidence and went so far as to tail him wherever he went. She caught him several times. I told her that snooping and tailing him was not a good idea, as he could charge her for stalking. She did all this after they split, but you of all people know, what goes on in your head whether the guy is still with you or not. You want to KNOW. And I understand that.

My dad did the same thing as Allan, stayed home and they played War of the Roses for a while, so he could get free food, bills paid, free lodging and have his laundry done. When my mom kicked him out finally he did the same thing, said he had nowhere to go. My mom told him to go to a motel like he had done all the other times just to cheat on her.

Your story really hits home. It happens every day to women all over the world. It just sucks that men think that we, as woman, as so stupid and gullible. Most of the time it is too easy to see through their lies.

I wish you the best of luck and kudos to you for kicking him to the curb!

 

[Laura]

As Bonnie said, "And they will, as my mother said, cut out their own mothers heart and walk over her dead body to get to the piece of trash they are ...well you know."

I talked to Allen today and he told me that the woman he's messing around with is the girlfriend of a friend of his who I have met. Never met her he said, but I've met the man. I told him that there is a special place in Heck for the 2 of them!!!! I can more believe that he would cheat on me then cheat with a friend's girlfriend!! OMG!!!! He is such scum!!! Still saying "it just happened"!!! What a total JERK he his!!! Never, ever thought he would get involved with a friend's girlfriend!!! What the heck happened to Allen?? Allen said it would all come out this week. Guess the woman told her boyfriend that she's moving out, but didn't say it's because of another man. Allen said he didn't want to tell me who it is because he didn't want me making any calls. Said he was protecting his girlfriend so the guy doesn't beat her up. Isn't that just so sweet??? Awwwww!!!! LOVE!!!! This is all just too, too weird. This is not the Allen I knew and loved for all those years. I don't know this person at all. It's like what's happening is happening to someone else.....on TV or in a book or something. I just can't process it or understand what has happened to him to make him do this. He would never have betrayed a friend like that. Never!!!

I asked if he was going to marry her and he laughed and said no. Asked if they were going to live together and he said no. I'm just not understanding this whole thing. Not understanding what has happened to him. Has he been capable of this all along and I never saw it in him? He has always been very loyal to his friends. He still sees friends he had in high school on a regular basis. If a friend has asked for his help, he's always been there for him. This isn't the man I knew & loved all those years. I don't know this man at all. I don't know what happened to the good man I cared for. I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE HE HAS DONE THIS!!!! What happened to him??? Is he just a walking hormone now and is willing to do anything to be with this woman??? I am totally disgusted with him. Has he gone insane??? I just don't get it at all!!

Maybe the guy will skip the girlfriend and just knock the heck out of Allen? We can hope

 

[shane]

WOW-------- STAY STRONG !!!! kIM

and good luck to you whatever comes your way