What to do?

[Marsha Cassada]

I've been on this forum a long time and feel as though I have many horse friends here. I want to vent a little, or maybe generate some helpful ideas.
When I lost Dapper Dan last April, it seemed to just break my heart.
I had acquired Billy as a companion for him; he was given to me and I didn't "shop" for him. I seem to have lost all heart to play with Billy. He is lonesome and could use a companion, but I don't want to get another horse. I'm seriously thinking of rehoming Billy and having no horse, at least for awhile.
But Billy is so sweet, and after 18 months has come to trust and respond to me. I feel really bad about thinking of giving him to someone, like I am betraying his trust. If IF IF I rehome him, I would be very picky about where he went and would have the understanding that he would come back to me if it didn't work out.
I think it is part of a grief cycle. Anyway, has anyone gone through something similar?

 

[1roadtoad]

I haven't been on this forum for too long. I actually joined 2 years ago because I decided to adopt 2 more minis after losing the best horse I've had in the 40 yrs. of owning horses. Lady was my first mini and we were a perfect match for one another. She was actually given to me by my farrier to be used as a companion to my last riding horse. Who knew, she would become the horse of my heart. When she died 3 years ago, at 27, it broke my heart. I still say good morning to her every single day, as I pass by her grave. When she passed, I decided to downsize, it would have been the perfect time as I just about to turn 68 and I thought I might want to relax a little. I have 2 mini donkeys that I've had since they were very little so, I decided I would keep them, because I love them, but I decided, no more horses. I lasted 8 months.
My barn yard became super quiet. No horse running around to hang out with me. No whinnying. My donkeys just stood around. They had no reason to move. No horse telling them what to do. Barn chores became super easy. I hardly had anything to do. I just couldn't get use to it. So, I decided to get more horses. Admittedly, it's not the same as when Lady was here, but I didn't expect it would be. Some days I think I'm crazy to have taken on 2, 8 year old horses, but, I'm actually glad that I chose to do it. I have no idea what the future will bring or how long I can do this, but I'm doing it with a smile.
I recognize that everyone's different and that because I'm glad that I chose to get more horses doesn't mean it would be right for you, or anyone else, it may not be. I wonder, would it be possible for you to board Billy some where in case you change your mind? It would give you the opportunity and more time to see what it would be like to be without him or any horse. I think it might give you information you don't have now. Anyway, just a thought. I am sorry that you are still grieving so and hope that you will come to a decision that helps you heal.

 

[LostandFound]

Everyone deals with loss differently. If you feel like it might be best, then you shouldn't feel like you are betraying Billy. You will take the time and find him a good home, and he may have a chance to be a heart horse for someone else. But if it were me, I would push myself to spend more time with Billy first. Even if your heart isn't in it at first, it might change after a bit. And if it doesn't, then you know you did all you could and won't have any regrets when you re-home him.

 

[Marsha Cassada]

Everyone deals with loss differently. If you feel like it might be best, then you shouldn't feel like you are betraying Billy. You will take the time and find him a good home, and he may have a chance to be a heart horse for someone else. But if it were me, I would push myself to spend more time with Billy first. Even if your heart isn't in it at first, it might change after a bit. And if it doesn't, then you know you did all you could and won't have any regrets when you re-home him.

I do spend quite a lot of time with Billy. We walk several times a week and I drive him when the weather permits and I have time. We have grooming sessions and I go out to just talk to him frequently; it is almost as though we have conversations as he is quite a talker himself. We have some ground exercises. He is even coming to tolerate my rambunctious little terrier!
I have seen them together: Pepper stands perfectly still and Billy runs his nose all over her--almost like another dog would. Then I saw Billy licking her leg and I intervened as I was afraid he would nip Pepper.
Billy knows his name and comes when I call him. He really responds to me and trusts me.

 

[HersheyMint]

I've been on this forum a long time and feel as though I have many horse friends here. I want to vent a little, or maybe generate some helpful ideas.
When I lost Dapper Dan last April, it seemed to just break my heart.
I had acquired Billy as a companion for him; he was given to me and I didn't "shop" for him. I seem to have lost all heart to play with Billy. He is lonesome and could use a companion, but I don't want to get another horse. I'm seriously thinking of rehoming Billy and having no horse, at least for awhile.
But Billy is so sweet, and after 18 months has come to trust and respond to me. I feel really bad about thinking of giving him to someone, like I am betraying his trust. If IF IF I rehome him, I would be very picky about where he went and would have the understanding that he would come back to me if it didn't work out.
I think it is part of a grief cycle. Anyway, has anyone gone through something similar?

Oh Marsha, I feel your sorrow.
It is almost a year since I lost Hershey. I still miss him so very much. I was looking at pics and videos of him last night. I get a lump in my throat and on the verge of tears each time. Mint was so lonely and broken like I was. She was so bonded with him. My heart was aching for her as well. My first thought was I need to find her a home with another mini. My friend said she would take her but told me but not soon. She said Mint and I needed each other. I hung out with her serveral times during the day. In between not sure to keep her or find her a new home, Mint and I grieved together and bonded. I didn't want her to stress again, losing me too and that may of been a stretch thinking that. So, I decided to keep her and find her a friend. I look back now and I don't know how I would of moved on without her. She is my emotional support.
I do think it is part of the grief cycle. Wanting to do the best, is this the best for both of us? Doubting myself. Everyone handles things different with no set lenght of time. I'm glad you reached out to us on here. I hope it will help and you find peace.

 

[Kelly]

I haven’t lost a horse yet, but for me, I don’t have a terribly hard time losing older elderly animals. Of course I am really sad when they go, don’t get me wrong, but I feel the oldies have seen everything and have lived a wonderful life, the best life. And I know in my heart I did right by them.

What gets me the most is when I lose a real young one. To me that is so devasting. They have their whole lives ahead of them and then they are gone, for me personally that is so heart breaking.

Time is precious. No one lives forever, so you have to pick up the pieces and move on, no sense in dwelling in the past, remember the good times, but always look to the future and where you want your life to go

Everyone handles death differently. I wish you and Billy the very best

 

[thathorsecrazychick]

Wishing you the best.

 

[MaryFlora]

I read your post this morning, Marsha, and have been thinking about this most of the day. Grief is never the same for anyone, or even for ourselves. The one thing we can do as we fight our way through, is to treat ourselves kindly. Do what brings you comfort.

You are an experienced horse person and know what a family needs to provide Billy so he can thrive and be content, such as a companion. The time and work you have put into him is a huge bonus for Billy and another family. He knows stuff!

If you post an ad on selling Billy, perhaps the interest and feedback you receive will help in deciding what is right for you both.

Hugs

 

[Dragon Hill]

I have never taken a break from horses and I don't ever intend to, because I'm afraid I wouldn't have the gumption to get back into it. I've been trying to get back into riding again and it took me six months to buy a new saddle...

 

[Marsha Cassada]

Thanks so much for all the good experience and suggestions.
My husband noticed that Billy stands around the chicken house. I think it is because Billy feels chickens are better companions than nothing. If he stays, I need to seriously consider a companion animal for him. I think he has figured out that the mirror is a fake!

 

[Marsha Cassada]

You are an experienced horse person and know what a family needs to provide Billy so he can thrive and be content, such as a companion. The time and work you have put into him is a huge bonus for Billy and another family. He knows stuff!

If you post an ad on selling Billy, perhaps the interest and feedback you receive will help in deciding what is right for you both.

Hugs

Don't we all feel that nobody can take as good care of our horses as we do?

 

[Standards Equine]

I understand what your heart is saying! My heart needs a break from horses too. It is ok to not have horses, bit or little, for a while and see how your heart feels. Might I suggest just boarding Billy for a couple of months with someone else before you decide to make a permanent rehoming situation? Just try it on for size and see how it feels to not have him at home?

 

[chandab]

I haven’t lost a horse yet, but for me, I don’t have a terribly hard time losing older elderly animals. Of course I am really sad when they go, don’t get me wrong, but I feel the oldies have seen everything and have lived a wonderful life, the best life. And I know in my heart I did right by them.

What gets me the most is when I lose a real young one. To me that is so devasting. They have their whole lives ahead of them and then they are gone, for me personally that is so heart breaking.

Time is precious. No one lives forever, so you have to pick up the pieces and move on, no sense in dwelling in the past, remember the good times, but always look to the future and where you want your life to go

This is so profound. I never really thought about it before, but I think I'm in the same boat as you. While I grieve for them all, it really knocks me down when I lose a young one and they take longer to get through.

 

[Marsha Cassada]

This is so profound. I never really thought about it before, but I think I'm in the same boat as you. While I grieve for them all, it really knocks me down when I lose a young one and they take longer to get through.

I think it depends how one loses an older horse. There is a lot more history with an older horse than with a young horse.

 

[chandab]

I think it depends how one loses an older horse. There is a lot more history with an older horse than with a young horse.

Very true. I grieved deeply for my old man when I lost him at 27, but I had had him for 24 years; he was my first horse, and none have compared to him. But, there have been a couple others that were older, and I was not as affected as I am when young ones go.