The entire family went to the Chattanooga Mall Christmas Shopping. We only go there once a year if that. We didn't go last year at all.
Everyone said they wouldn't go if I drove only because I go 40 in the fast lane so I was reduced to the passenger seat quickly upon boarding my trusty old Ford F150 with the bad tranny.
I must admit we may have looked a little like the Clampetts with all 4 of my rubbermaid containers in the back of the truck for packages and a cooler in case we bought food. Someone left my Walmart mop back there too from a week ago and darn it, there it was and there was my 50 lb salt block too. Jerry drove my truck complete with wreath on the grill that he thought he took off before we left, but I snuck it back on. Headed up the interstate and over the mountains with him behind the wheel, me in the passenger seat, and the boys who have since outgrown the back seat and had to sit upside down and stick their legs out the back window in 40 degree weather.
Jerry played his favorite Dolly Parton Christmas cassette and it kept going over and over and over repeating all 6 songs over and over and over and over for the 1 hour jaunt. Everytime it came to "Hard Candy Christmas" he'd be ordering everyone to shut up and he'd bellow out the words, mostly wrong. He always sings along wrong but don't say I told you.
Didn't know what you are supposed to wear to the Mall actually. It's been a while since I've dressed for success, like 30 years, so I don't really know what's in style in the big city. Wondered if you could wear your Walmart shopping clothes to go to the mall. Don't think so, because when I looked around at other ladies about my age, they have dress pants on and pumps., make up on their faces and eyes and store bought hair dos.....ewwww. They sort of all looked alike too in a way. And there I was with what I consider my good dress up clothes: my new sweat suit, the kind that doesn't have stretch around the bottoms of the ankels and a brand new flannel shirt under the top and socks to match! Hoop earrings, always hoop earrings. My reebok's from 1989 too! Hey, they are still in good shape. I just sprayed some 409 on them to clean them up and they were good to go.
We parked at Sears. That was good because nobody goes to Sears anymore I guess. Lots of parking places at Sears. I liked it though because they have carts now there! Shopping carts at Sears! Who knew?? That was good. But I didn't know you can't take them out into the Mall and I got stopped by the Shopping Cart police trying.
I found out that there are no vinyl records anymore in the music stores. There's no sheet music there for my piano either. I wanted a new Christmas Carol book. All mine are so old they are yellow and fell out of the book years ago. I think I'm the only one that has any records too. I have a lot. There's no 8 track tapes and no cassettes other than the ones in my truck too. There's no Video tapes either. I wanted "Christmas with the Kranks" but it's only on DVD. I don't have one of those so I guess I can't see that movie. What's going on anyhow? This is crap.
Shopped in Sears mostly and JCPenney. Nobody said "May I help You? Didn't even want to go walk the mall. Didn't see Santa either. He was out to lunch the sign said. Felt like I didn't really belong in the mall. We left and went to Walmart. That felt much better. Lots of sweat suit people in there.
Michael drove us back home. He's not used to driving in the city with all those lanes. I was a wreck. Jerry and Dan snored in the back seat in the fetal positions while I drove him nuts: "Use all your mirrors, use your signals, slow down, speed up, watch that guy, etc."
I was glad to get back home. Traded in the reebok's for muckers, got my dogs and headed out to tend the horses. Turned on the Christmas music in the barn, fed, and began to groom. That felt real good. I don't like the mall much.
Everyone said they wouldn't go if I drove only because I go 40 in the fast lane so I was reduced to the passenger seat quickly upon boarding my trusty old Ford F150 with the bad tranny.
I must admit we may have looked a little like the Clampetts with all 4 of my rubbermaid containers in the back of the truck for packages and a cooler in case we bought food. Someone left my Walmart mop back there too from a week ago and darn it, there it was and there was my 50 lb salt block too. Jerry drove my truck complete with wreath on the grill that he thought he took off before we left, but I snuck it back on. Headed up the interstate and over the mountains with him behind the wheel, me in the passenger seat, and the boys who have since outgrown the back seat and had to sit upside down and stick their legs out the back window in 40 degree weather.
Jerry played his favorite Dolly Parton Christmas cassette and it kept going over and over and over repeating all 6 songs over and over and over and over for the 1 hour jaunt. Everytime it came to "Hard Candy Christmas" he'd be ordering everyone to shut up and he'd bellow out the words, mostly wrong. He always sings along wrong but don't say I told you.
Didn't know what you are supposed to wear to the Mall actually. It's been a while since I've dressed for success, like 30 years, so I don't really know what's in style in the big city. Wondered if you could wear your Walmart shopping clothes to go to the mall. Don't think so, because when I looked around at other ladies about my age, they have dress pants on and pumps., make up on their faces and eyes and store bought hair dos.....ewwww. They sort of all looked alike too in a way. And there I was with what I consider my good dress up clothes: my new sweat suit, the kind that doesn't have stretch around the bottoms of the ankels and a brand new flannel shirt under the top and socks to match! Hoop earrings, always hoop earrings. My reebok's from 1989 too! Hey, they are still in good shape. I just sprayed some 409 on them to clean them up and they were good to go.
We parked at Sears. That was good because nobody goes to Sears anymore I guess. Lots of parking places at Sears. I liked it though because they have carts now there! Shopping carts at Sears! Who knew?? That was good. But I didn't know you can't take them out into the Mall and I got stopped by the Shopping Cart police trying.
I found out that there are no vinyl records anymore in the music stores. There's no sheet music there for my piano either. I wanted a new Christmas Carol book. All mine are so old they are yellow and fell out of the book years ago. I think I'm the only one that has any records too. I have a lot. There's no 8 track tapes and no cassettes other than the ones in my truck too. There's no Video tapes either. I wanted "Christmas with the Kranks" but it's only on DVD. I don't have one of those so I guess I can't see that movie. What's going on anyhow? This is crap.
Shopped in Sears mostly and JCPenney. Nobody said "May I help You? Didn't even want to go walk the mall. Didn't see Santa either. He was out to lunch the sign said. Felt like I didn't really belong in the mall. We left and went to Walmart. That felt much better. Lots of sweat suit people in there.
Michael drove us back home. He's not used to driving in the city with all those lanes. I was a wreck. Jerry and Dan snored in the back seat in the fetal positions while I drove him nuts: "Use all your mirrors, use your signals, slow down, speed up, watch that guy, etc."
I was glad to get back home. Traded in the reebok's for muckers, got my dogs and headed out to tend the horses. Turned on the Christmas music in the barn, fed, and began to groom. That felt real good. I don't like the mall much.
