Your "after death" wishes...?

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LindaL

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I know this subject is a bit creepy, but it is a necessary topic to at least think about and hopefully you all have "your plans" on paper, so those making decisions after your death will know what your wishes are.

I have a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order in place. I do not want to be put in a casket or buried. I want to be "donated" (as much as possible) and the rest of me cremated and blown to the winds. I do not want a funeral...but instead a "celebration of life" party.

So, what are your wishes....?
 
wow never thought about it. I wouldnt want people tobe upset for sure. I hope i leave behind some goodness that will be remembered in everyone I was close to.
 
My only wish is for my survivors to do what comforts them. I'll be gone, don't need a party, funeral or whatever and don't care about fancy stuff to put my physical self in. Remember me with fondness and other than that its up to them. I hope they won't spend any amount of money on a funeral, money is needed by the living not those who are done with this world, but if that will truly help them feel comforter and ease their grief then its their choice.
 
Linda-i am only 22, but I have already told my family that if something were to happen, I want to give myself to science or be cremated (no burial) and I want a party, not a funeral.

Great minds must think alike?
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Same for me LindaL. I wish for the same thing. My horses are to be either sent back to the former owner and if they wish not to take them then my sister is in charge of finding them homes.
 
I'd prefer to be composted so that I could continue to nurture my garden, but I imagine the authorities would object -- and what if some later homeowner put a driveway or built some monstrosity of a house over me? Then I'd be stuck haunting them.

So...I want to be cremated and scattered...perhaps I'll have Keith give out baggies with my ashes to be scattered in different places...our hillside...the beach...the Columbia River Gorge...Mt. Tabor Park in Portland where we used to walk our horses...our family's woods where I climbed huge fir trees...and a few in the horses' corrals...

Funerals may be for the living, but they need to be about the person who died. My sister's celebration of life was filled with music, food, children, dogs and color -- nobody was allowed to wear black. The only part that wasn't true to her was that one brother insisted on bringing in a minister, even though Margot was an atheist. It still bothers me that I caved in -- I just hope she was laughing at the absurdity.

I've made it very clear to Keith that if he allows one of those ghastly, ubiquitous funeral programs, I will haunt him forever. As a graphic designer, that would be a horror for me. I guess I should design my own ahead of time.
 
As someone who deals with upholding DNR's on a rather regular basis, I would encourage anyone who does NOT WANT TO BE RESUSCITATED to have proper documentation or inform their family of their wishes (or have a person designated to uphold your wishes). Also, it's nice to see families who can relax when their loved one has written out what they want done so no one has to make decisions. As part of my job, we were required to write our own will, name our funeral home of choice and designate a person to inform our families of our deaths.

Personally, I'm a donor (take whatever you need....or want
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). I know that these days one persons' organs can really help almost 100 people (tissue, eyes, kidneys, heart, lungs, liver, etc....). After that, I want to be spread in the pasture so I can be with my horses.
 
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My wishes are pretty much the same as yours,Linda L.Donate anything usable since I won't need it.My appetite should go to some anorexic female.Cremate what's left and spread my ashes(along with my cremated Corgis and some of my Minis that I plan to have done)on my farm along with the rest of the manure.Have a big party with lots of Country Western music in my barn and have my friends bring their horses and dogs.My 2 Mini boarders are owned by folks who have a funeral home so they will take care of things.I'm not a party girl, but it will be a shame to miss this 1.Maybe I should have it before I check out, but I might be embarrassed to hear what people have to say.
 
I also think it is wise, to make plans extremely clear, as to what happens to our animals should we die. A friend with many Gypsy Horses, has made her wishes very clear, as to who will take her horses, should she and her hubby pass away. The horses will go to several different breeders and the dogs to others named. If you have exotic large birds, who most usually outlive their owners, it is a must, that you name who will take them after your death.

I have sadly seen, time and time again, animals dumped by family members when the owner didn't make special arrangements for them.

Lizzie
 
I also think it is wise, to make plans extremely clear, as to what happens to our animals should we die. A friend with many Gypsy Horses, has made her wishes very clear, as to who will take her horses, should she and her hubby pass away. The horses will go to several different breeders and the dogs to others named. If you have exotic large birds, who most usually outlive their owners, it is a must, that you name who will take them after your death.

I have sadly seen, time and time again, animals dumped by family members when the owner didn't make special arrangements for them.

Lizzie
My will has my daughter as "executor" of my horses, since she is the only other horse person in my family...BUT...when I re-do my will Deb will become that person as all of our horses are in BOTH of our names. Speaking of which...if you have more than one person listed as owner on your horses' papers...use "OR" instead of "AND", so that if one of the owner dies, the other can easily sign off any horses at sales without any trouble.
 
Yeah, it is a creepy subject, but anyone that does not think that the situation on earth is temp is not dealing in reality. Actually, I used to dwell on it back when I was single. I got a will made up and made my brother the executor. I no longer own any of the property that was on that will but at the time I wanted NOBODY to have to worry about what to do with my little bit of personal property. I used to drive my mom nuts telling her what to dress me in and what music to have played.
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I no longer own that garment since having put on pounds and my "music" is constantly changing. To be honest I was such "damaged goods" from things that had happened in life that even though I was not suicidal I used to go to bed every night and tell God that if he wanted to take somebody I would "volunteer." I guess my mom really worried. She asked me "why on earth do you keep telling me what song to have played at your funeral?" So I asked her "Well, what song do you want played at yours?" She said "it doesn't matter, well...it does but I guess I never really thought about it." I told her "well, you should at least give me one." She said she liked the old song IT IS WELL. Long story short my mom passed away in 2009 and that is one of the songs I picked out for her. Also the Allen Jackson song "Sissy's Song" was new and I ran it by my sister and nieces and they agreed it had to be in "Nanna's" funeral. Nanna certainly had her financials in order. She took care of all my grandparents and elderly relatives bank accounts and personal needs while they were in nursing homes. She truly had the gift of caring for others, whether it be neighbors, children, grandchildren, greatgrandchildren, aging parents, aging aunts and uncles, and church family. Her death left my dad broken hearted. They were married almost 60 years. But their personal records were totally in order. She worked in finance and accounting for the government for 33 years and she knew how to manage records. Still, something as simple as picking out music for her own funeral bothered her until I presented it to her in the way I did. My sister picked out the perfect outfit for mom in her perfect shade of pink. My nephew's wife and I worked up a beautiful large collage of pictures of my mom all the way back to her infancy, childhood, four states fair queen (she was pretty both outside and inside), adulthood, and so forth. I went to the funeral home to make arrangements (my brother was taking care of my dad's mental state, and continues to today) to find out that the casket was a shade of blue and style fitting for the manliest of men.
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My parents had purchased them years ago. No doubt she let dad pick them out a "set" for a great price and being the passive person she was did not speak up and tell him that it was unsuitable for her and no doubt planned on outliving him anyway. The funeral home director (friend) offered to swap at same price for a gorgeous mauve and plum one but I knew that I had to get my sister to suggest the swap to my dad lest I get my head bit off. That played out fine. Five years before my mom passed I had one of my "all nighter" dreams. I actually dreamed the funeral of a lady that worked with her for years, was a dear friend of hers, and had a lot of my mom's characteristics (pretty, petite, demure, bright, passive, and positive). The dream had so much detail of the funeral, the music, the sadness, I knew it represented my mom. My mom passed away at home with me, my sister, my brother, and dad holding her as she breathed her last breath. The strange thing is that once she got the diagnosis she never discussed it with us. I guess that was just her. I only hope to get my wishes in order so as not to burden anybody else with my wishes when my time comes. I am an organ donor, I have a cemetary plot which was given to me by the cemetary board. There was nothing I wanted availabe and I inquired about a plot near my great grandparents and great-great grandparents. I was told there was none but there was room in the right of way. Since it was not for sale it was given to me. I often think about getting together a total package of my accounts, benefits, policies, passwords, etc compiled for my husband. Also wishes, photos, etc. but being the procrastinator I am it just has not happened. He tells me to cremate him and spread his ashes over the Rockies or somewhere else in nature. He adamantly tells me that if I put him in the ground in NE Texas he will haunt me all the days of my life!
 
I should add that I've always been designated as an organ donor on my driver's license, but as a type I diabetic I highly doubt I'll have much to offer as far as "pre-owned" body parts. But most definitely, use what you can, then cremate the rest.
 
Another thing...

As far as your family and survivors are concerned, the kindest thing is to spell out clearly what you would prefer. Don't leave them wondering what you would want when they are in shock and mourning. Even if you don't care, don't put them in that situation.

Most of our traditions in society have come about as a means of providing answers in difficult situations. Rather than making decisions, it's easier for most people to simply say that this is the way it's always been done.
 
Another thing...

As far as your family and survivors are concerned, the kindest thing is to spell out clearly what you would prefer. Don't leave them wondering what you would want when they are in shock and mourning. Even if you don't care, don't put them in that situation.

Most of our traditions in society have come about as a means of providing answers in difficult situations. Rather than making decisions, it's easier for most people to simply say that this is the way it's always been done.
Well I am one who just doesn't care but we have discussed the issue, and it comes up every time someone we know passes on, and aren't afraid of the subject at all. My family knows that I prefer they not spend any more than they absolutely must on my send off but they also know that I wouldn't judge them regardless. I have said, donate, cremate and don't feel attached to my physical self. No big send off will change my being gone and I would just as soon see them use the money on themselves or if they feel they must spend then donate it to a children's charity in my honor. That way at least there is a benefit to the spending of it.
 
Ha Ha! Hubby thinks this is morbid but I talk about it all the time. If people don't know what you want done when you die they feel obligated (and pushed by funeral homes) to give the dead the "Very best".

I've informed all my family that I want to be cremated. I want to be put in a cedar box that hubby makes (he's a carpenter). I keep bugging him to make it now just incase. Then I want him to keep me somewhere (safety deposit box if he wants) until hubby passes. He wants to be buried so they can put me in his coffin with him. If he dies first then I want to be buried over him (have to find a cemetery that will allow it). I would like a memorial service with an upbeat tune people remembering the fun we had. I'd like it after I was cremated because I DO NOT want to be embalmed and put on display. No flowers, nothing expensive. BBQ and good memories.

If something happens to both hubby and I my parents are to raise my son. I had a great childhood and I know they will do right by him.
 
My husband and rest of my family know that I want to be cremated and don't care to be laid out for a viewing and/or funeral...however, funerals are for the living and if they were to decide to do a viewing/funeral it is up to them. Sometimes the living need that for closure.
 
I was in a position that I did almost die. This is something I have talked about with my family. I really do not want to live on machines. But, I had a talk with my niece and she (at the time) could not cope with my death. So, I told them to do what they had to until she could handle letting me go. As for my horses and dogs, I have put them in both my and her names. That way she can take care of finding homes. Well, I got better.

As far as a funeral goes. A very wise man told my mother and me that funerals are not for the dead. They are for the living to say good by. Before my father passed he had said he did not want a funeral. He said everyone sits around saying nice things about someone that they were just cussing the week before. Well, as the news of my fathers death spread through the family and his clients, we had a procession that stretched almost a mile. Even our Mennonite family went against their church leader by coming to pay respect to a man that they loved. So my feelings about a funeral is allow your loved ones the ability to do what they feel most comfortable with.
 
I'll have to read through this thread sometime soon, but for right now, I think it will depress me. I've got things outlined and assets _ insurance in place to cover it all, but not a favorite thing to contemplate. It really takes more than a probably normal toll on me when I lose a client and with the age bracket I work in, it happens. It's not easy... especially in the cases where it's something everyone knows is coming. I am so lucky that H loves these horses and dogs as much as I do. He may act like the horses are mine, but I've heard him talking to others when he doesn't think I hear... he's every bit as proud of them -- and surprising to me, knows their lineage almost as well as I do
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... for me personally, cremation. I don't know if it's legal, but I would want my ashes with Winston's and should he go before me, Watson's, too.Funeral / Memorial, whatever is wanted by my survivors It is unimportant to me personally.
 
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