A little whining, little venting

[Frankie]

I don't do real well with personal, for me, but my insides may be coming out!!

Need two seconds of whining.

Divorce was final the end of Feb after a year long battle.

I did not want said divorce. It has ending up being "best", I guess.

Today was our anniversary.

I talked to him (stupid).

Anniversary not mentioned.

Got to hear the voice of his date for tonight. (Not me)

Now I am MAD,,,because it made me mad.

Short of it.

I feel better, or will shortly.

Sorry

Thanks

 

[Reijel's Mom]

THAT would be a real downer

!

 

[AppyLover2]

Hang in there Carolyn. It DOES get better. Just keep reminding yourself that he's someone you used to love.

 

[Frankie]

I am sure for each person it is different,,but for me, what I am having so dang much trouble with,,,I can't seem to get past the failure part.

Probably my personality. How can you work at something so hard and still fail so miserably???

Thanks guys

 

[Scoopiedoo]

Carolyn,

A marriage is a partnership, without TWO people working at it, its pretty tough to make it work. I know the feeling, been there done that--my ex had a six month old before we were actually divorced...and it does suck. The only thing I can tell you is that you KNOW you worked hard to make it work, the failure is not on you, the failure is his! Hopefully you can find some peace in knowing that you tried.

HUGS

Jodi

 

[minih]

<<hugs>> It is bound to be hard, all of the firsts you have coming. Jump this bridge and move forward. Maybe the next one won't hurt quite so bad.

 

[TheCaseFamily00]

You seem like a wonderful person,I think he's the one who failed. I hope your day gets better

.

 

[miniwhinny74]

You seem like a wonderful person,I think he's the one who failed. I hope your day gets better

.

I agree! Plus, keep in mind that you've had a lot of tough breaks lately. That doesn't make it any easier.

You have the right to grieve this loss, but please don't dwell on it. Someone once told me, "When one door closes, another one opens" concerning the loss of a job. A couple of months later, that door opened and I got a job at a miniature horse farm in Florida--the first time I'd had the chance to work with minis. Unfortunately, the farm was in the process of closing down, so I was only there a few months--but it was an incredible experience that I wouldn't have changed anything for anything in the world. And I got bitten by the mini bug hard.

I don't know why you are being tested right now, but there are wonderful things waiting for you, and hopefully just around the corner! So pamper yourself, go out on the town with your gal pals...whatever it takes to kick back and do something special for yourself! You deserve it!

 

[REO]

I felt the same way when mine ended. I didn't want it to end either.

Why did I fail?

What was wrong with ME?

How come *I* couldn't make it work?

*I* tried so hard!

Why????

I felt like a failure, like a piece of crap.

Then I looked back at not what I *thought* was, but the way it really was. And I saw that it wasn't ME, it was him. And it was a PARTNERSHIP that he wasn't a part of! You can't have a partnership with one person alone! Just like Jodi said.

I didn't fail, "it" did.

Nothing was wrong with me, but not the right one to be married to.

I couldn't make it work all by myself.

Yes I DID try hard so I cut myself some slack!

Why? Because it some times happens and we move on to something, someone better.

I know because me and Karrel have been partners and best friends for 22 years now. If I was still stuck with that butthead, I wouldn't have the happiness I have now!

Hang in there!! {{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[Marty]

Carolyn, you are grieving and going through transition right now and its ok. Its normal.

How about doing something different for you?

When I got divorced from that dastardly Bigfoot the first thing, well one of the first things I did was change my house around for me. I nested all over again. I wanted to make it different. I changed the furniture around, got rid of some of it and got a couple new pices. I painted the walls and instead of having all that country blue stuff that was "in" at the time I changed it into Floridian style using peach tones and beachy type florals, etc. It was like I was putting my new stamp on MY home. I even changed the dinner plates and art work on the wall. I changed my hair, went back to my dancing, diving, and my piano,etc. Doing some personal things like that really helped me I think get a sense of reality that he was really gone thank heavens and I had a brand new beginning.

 

[krissy3]

Uh..YEA , that would be hurtfull...OUCH! I am sorry.

If I were there I would scoop you up and have a girls nigt. Do you have a good friend, a good listener that you can be with tonight? If not have a glass of wine or two and spend the evenings with your horses, that always makes me feel better. Your horses love you. You will feel hurt , mad , sad , etc, its all part of the process, and if you dont allow yourself to feel those feelings now they will creep up later,so hold on , here comes the roller coaster. Everyone that has been through a divorce goes through this ...it gets better, once this part is finished , you will soon forget how hurtfull this part is. I think you have a lot of friends on this forum that care about you ,,and will listen... reach out for help if you need it.

 

[AppyLover2]

I loved him! Oh how I loved that man!! It was a couple years after the divorce that I realized that THAT was exactly the reason I had been blaming myself. When you love someone they can do no wrong - so it obviously had to be my fault. I don't know what it is about we women that makes us think we have to accept responsibility for everything in life that happens.....oh, certainly not the good things, someone else gets the credit for those.....just the bad. And we're considered the "weaker sex"....HAH!!

 

[wcr]

I can heartily sympathize with you as my relationship ended this week. I am grieving, sad, angry, disgusted and a whole range of other emotions. There hasn't been but a few moments that I haven't been thinking about him and how our relationship went bad. The biggest thing getting me through is that I am a survivor and a strong woman. I can rant, rave or cry while I process my emotions but I will never say a word to him about what I am thinking. The relationship is over and it would only demean myself to hash it out with him. Over is over so do what you need to help you move on.

I have been in many relationships throughout my life and when they were over, I am still standing. I have been hurt and devastated by the losses but I am still alive. I have survived other relationships and I will survive this one too. I know it just takes time and I will allow myself the time to get it together and move on. I have to say it is easier than in the past. I have the knowledge that I will survive and I have made a good life for myself, by myself and will continue to do so. My value is in myself and I don't have to settle for something less than what I deserve.

 

[Tatonkas Dream]

Others have said it so well. But hang in there let yourself grieve the loss as that is what it is.

If you’ve been thru a divorce we all know and feel your pain. Grieve in whatever ways you need to, reflect and hopefully realize you have learned lessons and its not a failure and its in no way all your fault. Life lessons – you’ll eventually heal and grow as a person and be that much better for going thru all of this.

I have had to learn this the hard way, I was in love with a man that was wrong for me on many levels and I didn’t want the divorce either – not by a long shot – I had a life long friend tell me at the start of it that he is giving you the best gift he ever has because I know you and you would never quit or walk away or stop trying to make ‘it’ work and make ‘it’ better. I did not get it then but I SO do now. I am so much happier being my TRUE self then trying to make someone happy that wasn’t even happy with himself. Changing myself only made me unhappy, withdrawn, depressed and in denial about all of it. I still wanted to fix ‘it’ but like others have said you alone can not fix a relationship that is a partnership – both sides have to work on it for it to work and its not 50/50 its 100/100 sometimes one is more than the other and vs versa.

Anyhow – hang in there and if you need an ‘ear’ the LB family is here for you.

Aside from that go to your horses – hug them and cry into their manes and they WILL help you feel better. Horses have always comforted, centered and centered me in a way nothing else ever can – use that power to help yourself thru this tough time

Many cyber hugs and a shoulder to cry on

Christina