Any way to "safeguard" my animals during a divorce?

[mydaddysjag]

In the past few weeks I have been separated from my husband, and yesterday decided that I will be pursuing a no-fault divorce. I was unsure if I wanted the divorce, and the separation was for time to think, but my mind is made now. While separated we were still talking daily, and I was truly trying to work things out, as we haven't even been married for a year. I went in his email yesterday to get a phone number, and noticed a special folder. Curiosity struck, and I looked in it. There were quite a few emails from one of his female friends, posed naked, and some pretty explicit messages. The emails are from the day of, and day after we separated. They were all replied to, but his sent folder was freshly emptied, which isn't normal for him. This same girl recently came out of the woodwork, as I have never known of her, but has been text messaging him a lot. He's always sneaky about her messaging him, and I tried to give him his privacy.

Now, my biggest fear is that he will get my cats and my horses. We have separate bank accounts, and both had the same job until recently (he purposely got fired).

I owned all of my animals before we were married, with the exception of Domingo, and one of my cats. Domingo was purchased with the money that I got for selling my old barrel horse that I owned before I got married. I pay for all of the expenses for my animals, and have receipts for everything. I pay board for the horses, vet bills, farrier, I buy their feed, purchase any needed supplies, pay all of their show fees, etc. One of our cats was a birthday gift to me from my mother last year, and the other I rescued and nursed back to health. I have paid for everything for both cats, and have the receipts for everything. The horses are registered in my name, and their insurance policies are in my name as well.

I thought that I could put my horses in someone elses name before my divorce and he couldnt get them, but someone told me that then I will owe him half of my purchase price for each one. I simply cant afford that while im going through a divorce, I'm probably going to have to pick up a second job just to help pay for my divorce, as im just able to make ends meet with a little to spare in case of emergency.

Is there anything I can do to safeguard my animals? He wouldn't really want them, as he does not know anything about caring for them, and couldn't afford to care for them as he has no job, but I think he might try to take them just to spite me.

He might go after my car too, since his has a blown motor, but I owned my car for years before I even knew him, it was purchased from my sister and paid off in full. If it comes to having my car or the horses, I would let the car go. Its a 1992, and im not emotionally attached to it like I am with my horses and pets.

Any advice?

 

[uwharrie]

Your best bet is to seek the advice of a lawyer.

Make sure you save copies of the emails and if the cell phone is in your name you can request copies of the text messages from your carrier. ( yep the phone company keeps those)

Property laws varie state to state. in North Carolina everything is owned 50/50 no matter when purchased or by who unless you have a prenup (or a good lawyer)

 

[Sunny]

The best thing you can do is get a lawyer who you can trust to be knowledgeable and who will work for you. Try not to listen to what "someone told" you about legal matters. I would also suggest not airing the dirty details of your separation/divorce as that might come around to bite you in the butt one day.

Good luck through all of this. It hasn't been long since I went down the same path and it's not fun, but I'm sure you'll come out better for it.

 

[Charlene]

absolutely seek advice from an attorney versed in family/divorce law. as has been said, laws vary from state to state.

in illinois, anything you acquired prior to your marriage (money, animals, furniture, vehicle...ANYTHING) is considered to be NON-marital property and he would not be entitled to ANY of it. however, anything acquired after the marriage (even during the time you are separated) is considered to be marital property. that would include debts. hopefully, he hasn't run up a lot of debt on credit cards, etc., and since this was a brief marriage, it can all be settled quickly.

good luck and i'm really sorry you had to be subjected to the stuff in his e-mail. i'm not so sure i wouldn't print that stuff out and give it to the attorney.

 

[Davie]

I know in Oklahoma, anything you bring into the marriage you take from the marriage. Every state is different though. Contact the Bar Association in you state and ask for referals to several good divorce attorneys call nd ask what a consultation visit would run and discuss. With the marriage being of such short duration you might be able to come to some mutual decisions and just have the documents signed by a judge.

Don't let the emotions come into play and that will help each party keep talking and maybe come to some mutual parting of the ways.

 

[NoddalottaFarm]

I work for an attorney....while it *is* true that anything you owned before marriage is pre-marital property, you REALLY DO need to contact a GOOD attorney in your state because there are so many different factors that can sway the way things turn out. If he's mean and vindictive, he can hold out until you sell things and split the money; he can ask for "X" amount of cash, thereby forcing you to sell the horses/car/house, etc. to come up with that amount. These are extremes, of course. The advice to contact the Bar Association is the best advice you can get right now. *Most* attorneys will give a first consult for free. If you don't like what they have to say, make an appointment with another attorney. You don't have to go with the first attorney you talk to. For the most part, you should be fine with your horses. Just make sure you understand EVERYTHING before you sign the papers. Its always amazing when clients say they "get it" then come back when their case is settled and say they don't understand why "x" happened. When you visit the attorney, interview HIM or HER! Don't be afraid to ask them how many cases they have done like yours, how many unfavorable decisions they have received, how many happy clients they have..... see if they can help you, then make sure you like them.

Good luck to you. I would say don't worry, but I know that is impossible. Divorces are not calm, happy events. Sorry to hear it is happening to you.

 

[Hosscrazy]

When my now ex and I were in the process of divorcing, I had my horses appraised. Since they were considered community property, they were added into the "pool" of our common assets. So while we were dividing our assets, the agreement was that I would keep the horses (worth x amount of money) and in exchange, I gave him assets of equal value. An attorney helped us with the divorce and I also recommend that you get an attorney to help you with your assets (which includes your animals).

Best wishes,

Liz R.

 

[minisch]

Do your homework. Try to do the Mediation route if possible. It was save Thousands on Attorney fees. I hope you saved all those explicit emails as backup. Where you have the horses in your name and you've only been married a year I wouldn't worry about him taking them from you. Go online, be careful who you confide in (as far as friends)... I learned the hard way. You can email me privately if you want.

 

[Frankie]

Just was here, and all horses were purchased while we were married.

Each state is different. MOST states however it is true, what you bring in to the marriage is yours. I hope you have dated material to help.

Also, a gift to you, is yours.

All else should be 50/50 by value. We had a ton of things appraised, then divided the dollar amount in different ways. For example, he got the boat, I got the horses, but it was actually divided by their worth, not by what they were.

Make it known you want your 50 percent of everything, even if you don't want it. That helped me, and I then started letting go of things I didn't care about. Because I was "nice" and did that first, he stuck to his guns, the judge gave a little when it came to me getting things. After all, I had made an effort.

Hope some helps, best of luck.

 

[HGFarm]

I agree, seek a good attorney, and I agree, let him keep stuff of equal value.. the good part is that in today's horrible economy, your horses will be worth less.

I think Carolyn has a good point too, in asking for half of what you have, and then letting things go.

And PRINT THOSE EMAILS and put them somewhere where he has NO access to your belongings!!!! I would also go ahead and contact your cell phone company for copies of those records. I am sure it takes time to get copies of the texts, however better get a start on things, until waiting until you wish you had them in hand already. If it turns out later you don't need them, that's fine.

So sorry to hear what you are going through........ it's never pleasant.

 

[loveminis]

He shouldn't get a cent or anything else after what you found in that folder

BE CAREFUL and dont say anything else about it on here. Get a GOOD attorney first.

 

[Frankie]

Maybe she shouldn't say anything, right now I'd say she's fine, but we should continue to help.

In my state, horses are livestock. What I had in my back pocket was,,,if we did not agree on what to split, ALL would be liquidated. To liquidate livestock, they are sent to an auction. Horse at auctions in my county bring almost nothing. So I put a plan together. I had buyers for all my horses,,,given my money. This way was WAY cheaper than paying him half of their appraised value. But, luckily, 20 minutes before our final hearing, we did reach an agreement and that never took place. But was a great plan just in case.

 

[twister]

you have gotten some great advice on here, I just have to say that I wish you all the best to get through your divorce with your horses and cats still with you.

Yvonne

 

[AppyLover2]

Other than getting an attorney, like many people have suggested, my best advice to you would be to TRY to keep things civil between you. A wizzing contest only makes a difficult situation much worse. I'm sorry you're facing divorce (there's nothing fun about it) and wish you the best of luck keeping those things that are most important to you.

 

[FoRebel]

I agree, get a good attorney. Keep things civil. In most states what was personal property pre-marriage is still the person's personal property in a divorce. Talk to the attorney, start a Marital Termination Agreement... Keep records of anything and everything. Keep records of phone, email records, what's talked about when/if you talk to him.

 

[~Lisa~]

in a no fault divorce I do not see how those emails would even come into play. My only suggestion to you is pretend you didnt see them, dont throw it in his face you were after all seperated at the time and try to keep things as civil as possible.

 

[PrestigeMiniHorses]

I would definitly get a good lawyer and try to do things civil like. It may be hard but try hard... I was a able to do a default judgement when my ex and I got divorced. We literally were done with the whole process in two days. But that was in the state of California. Every state is different. And also in order to do that you both must go in together. Ex and I were civil though so it was easy sadly for me. I made the call to sell my own horses and he let me keep the money no questions asked. He let me because I was moving out of state. Anyhow, message me if you have any questions. I don't want to go into all the details of what happened with my divorce but I can say that I am with you. Also, just try and set aside those emails unless you need them. Heck imo a cheater deserves nothing...