barnbum
Well-Known Member
Have you seen this?
Mr. President, it has come to my attention that you're having some
challenges with the economy. If I understand things correctly, we're
in a recession, consumer confidence and spending is down, credit is
tight, investors are spooked, we need renewable energy, and health care
costs are through the roof. Trillions of dollars, not to mention our
future, are at stake. Mr. President, I'm just a regular citizen, but I
think I have a solution.
Give every American a horse.
My proposal may not make sense to you at first, but let me give you a
little background. First of all, horses in the U.S. are a multi-billion dollar
industry, and that's just at my house. I suggest you have your economic
advisors do a little research on the spending around horse ownership.
You'd be surprised, Mr. President.
Start by visiting the tack and clothing retailers like State Line or
Dover. Look at the variety of goods available there. Now take into
account that every horse owner, especially if it's a woman, is buying
not just one or two, but tons of these items. Believe me.
So my thinking is that if you give every American a horse, starting
when they reach the horse-receptive age of 10, you're going to do two
things: boost consumer confidence and boost spending immediately.
Horses make us feel good, and once Americans all own horses (at the
government's expense, of course), they will all logically fall into
the pattern that every horse owner succumbs to: accessorizing. For
starters, we need horse-care implements like buckets and muck rakes,
hoof picks and curry combs. And we need at least basic tack, halter,
leadline, saddle, saddle pad, bridle and bit. But then the fun
begins.
Zebra print leg wraps. Neon bright fly masks. An assortment of sheets
and blankets for all seasons; you've got your cooler, your
lightweight blanket, your medium blanket, your heavy blanket. Then
there is your
stable sheet and your pasture sheet. Also your hoodie, and tail wrap
items.
And that's just the clothing for the horse. Don't get me started on
the clothing for the rider, even if he or she doesn't show. Since
most Americans don't have a basic riding wardrobe, the stores would be
swamped for jeans, boots, breeches, T-shirts, dozens of pairs of cute
boot socks, and the ubiquitous ball cap. Tell the retailers to get
ready. It'll be Christmas all year long.
Now lets talk about support industries. In addition to the usual
veterinarian and farrier expenditures, people also give their horses
chiropractic, massage and acupuncture, not to mention buying more
beauty products for their horses than they do for themselves. All
those professions and industries will benefit. And of course there
will be a big spike in hay and grain demand, so the farmers will be happy
too.
You see, that's the secret to jump-starting consumer spending through
my stimulus package. People will spend money on their horses when
they won't spend money on anything else.
But, your advisors might say, there's a catch. Aren't we paying the
price, in global warming, of the large number of livestock animals we
currently have? They produce all that methane!
Ah, Mr. President, here is the real beauty of this idea. When you
introduce the Methane-Assisted Natural Unrefined Renewable Energy
plan (M.A.N.U.R.E.), you'll be a hero for coming up with an alternative,
renewable, home-grown source of clean energy. Just challenge the
energy gurus to come up with a methane gas collection system that can
harness all the natural resource produced by all those horses to power our
cities. Talk about shovel ready projects: M.A.N.U.R.E. fits the bill!
And you keep stressing how we need new industries for investment;
well, under the M.A.N.U.R.E. plan you can sell Petroleum Offset
Opportunity units to investors. By buying these units, investors can
help us gradually convert from a petroleum-based economy to one based
on horse P.O.O.
Health care costs will go down, too, as everyone cares for their horses.
You can give tax credits based on the amount of time people spend
working, riding and hanging out with their horses, which will
automatically make them healthier. (Don't tell the docs, but most
horse owners already get their own basic healthcare from their vet.)
One more thing: everyone is annoyed by these corporate CEOs and their
big bonuses in a down economy. So give the executives, say, one horse
for every $100,000 of bonus money they've received. Those bonuses
will be plowed back into the economy in no time.
Finally, because you, Mrs. O, and the girls are such role models, you
can encourage us all by getting a pony for Sasha and Malia. It will
teach them responsibility, help the First Lady plow the garden, and
as a bonus: free fertilizer for the Rose Garden.
If you don't believe me that horse ownership stimulates spending, go
ahead, Mr. President. Buy that pony for your girls.. You'll see.
Dave Adams
"Seek First to Understand"
Mr. President, it has come to my attention that you're having some
challenges with the economy. If I understand things correctly, we're
in a recession, consumer confidence and spending is down, credit is
tight, investors are spooked, we need renewable energy, and health care
costs are through the roof. Trillions of dollars, not to mention our
future, are at stake. Mr. President, I'm just a regular citizen, but I
think I have a solution.
Give every American a horse.
My proposal may not make sense to you at first, but let me give you a
little background. First of all, horses in the U.S. are a multi-billion dollar
industry, and that's just at my house. I suggest you have your economic
advisors do a little research on the spending around horse ownership.
You'd be surprised, Mr. President.
Start by visiting the tack and clothing retailers like State Line or
Dover. Look at the variety of goods available there. Now take into
account that every horse owner, especially if it's a woman, is buying
not just one or two, but tons of these items. Believe me.
So my thinking is that if you give every American a horse, starting
when they reach the horse-receptive age of 10, you're going to do two
things: boost consumer confidence and boost spending immediately.
Horses make us feel good, and once Americans all own horses (at the
government's expense, of course), they will all logically fall into
the pattern that every horse owner succumbs to: accessorizing. For
starters, we need horse-care implements like buckets and muck rakes,
hoof picks and curry combs. And we need at least basic tack, halter,
leadline, saddle, saddle pad, bridle and bit. But then the fun
begins.
Zebra print leg wraps. Neon bright fly masks. An assortment of sheets
and blankets for all seasons; you've got your cooler, your
lightweight blanket, your medium blanket, your heavy blanket. Then
there is your
stable sheet and your pasture sheet. Also your hoodie, and tail wrap
items.
And that's just the clothing for the horse. Don't get me started on
the clothing for the rider, even if he or she doesn't show. Since
most Americans don't have a basic riding wardrobe, the stores would be
swamped for jeans, boots, breeches, T-shirts, dozens of pairs of cute
boot socks, and the ubiquitous ball cap. Tell the retailers to get
ready. It'll be Christmas all year long.
Now lets talk about support industries. In addition to the usual
veterinarian and farrier expenditures, people also give their horses
chiropractic, massage and acupuncture, not to mention buying more
beauty products for their horses than they do for themselves. All
those professions and industries will benefit. And of course there
will be a big spike in hay and grain demand, so the farmers will be happy
too.
You see, that's the secret to jump-starting consumer spending through
my stimulus package. People will spend money on their horses when
they won't spend money on anything else.
But, your advisors might say, there's a catch. Aren't we paying the
price, in global warming, of the large number of livestock animals we
currently have? They produce all that methane!
Ah, Mr. President, here is the real beauty of this idea. When you
introduce the Methane-Assisted Natural Unrefined Renewable Energy
plan (M.A.N.U.R.E.), you'll be a hero for coming up with an alternative,
renewable, home-grown source of clean energy. Just challenge the
energy gurus to come up with a methane gas collection system that can
harness all the natural resource produced by all those horses to power our
cities. Talk about shovel ready projects: M.A.N.U.R.E. fits the bill!
And you keep stressing how we need new industries for investment;
well, under the M.A.N.U.R.E. plan you can sell Petroleum Offset
Opportunity units to investors. By buying these units, investors can
help us gradually convert from a petroleum-based economy to one based
on horse P.O.O.
Health care costs will go down, too, as everyone cares for their horses.
You can give tax credits based on the amount of time people spend
working, riding and hanging out with their horses, which will
automatically make them healthier. (Don't tell the docs, but most
horse owners already get their own basic healthcare from their vet.)
One more thing: everyone is annoyed by these corporate CEOs and their
big bonuses in a down economy. So give the executives, say, one horse
for every $100,000 of bonus money they've received. Those bonuses
will be plowed back into the economy in no time.
Finally, because you, Mrs. O, and the girls are such role models, you
can encourage us all by getting a pony for Sasha and Malia. It will
teach them responsibility, help the First Lady plow the garden, and
as a bonus: free fertilizer for the Rose Garden.
If you don't believe me that horse ownership stimulates spending, go
ahead, Mr. President. Buy that pony for your girls.. You'll see.
Dave Adams
"Seek First to Understand"
