I hope this topic might help someone else out there going through a similar situation. Elder abuse is all too common , and rarley talked about . If you have a family member taking care of an elderly person , or a parent in the care of a facility , maybe you want to read this post .
My husbands mother suffered a stroke a year ago , once she was able to leave the hospital , a " sister" offered to care for her . This sister had been a recluse from the family for many years , sneaking in to the family home , and taking food , locking herself in her room , and verbally attacking her mother. Hubbys mom wanted despratly to be living at home , but needed care, this funny sister offered to care for her , we thought it was her way of comming back to the family and being productive ....helping ... so she moved in . thats when the nightmare began...
soon after she moved into the mothers house her car broke down , and she was borrowing our car. We suggested that she buy a little used car and if she needed money she could borrow it from the mother ... she did a lot of research but never got around to buying a car, eventually we had to take my car back , as we needed it for our work. This upset her and she decided at this point with the other sister to take the mothers phone away from her so my husband could not contact her. Once the phone was taken we could no longer evaluate her mental condition , so we arranged for a nurse to come by the house 3 times a week and check her out , see how she is doing , help bathe her etc. She reported elder abuse to the nurse , and she reported this to the family doctor . He in turn requested government assistance with financing , and overseeing her care , the mother signed a form against any help . Nothing more could be done. We were aware that the mother was afraid of the her daughter, she told us on several occasions that she was afraid of her when she got angry, and we know one time the sister straped her to a chair to keep her in place ; (
over the last 9 months was have been seeking help from the government via our lawyer... every time something is done that involves a third party to overlook her care or finances , the paperwork is denied by the mother. We have tried many times to visit my husbands mother but she is never at home , the sister is moving her from one house to another , maybe to the other sisters house, we dont know . When we call , they hang up on us , when we use another phone and they hear our voice they set the phone down until we hang up and leave it off the hook .
The doctor would never tell us how she is doing , and when we tried to get her to come live with us , she would say yes, then later at her home with the sisters she would change her mind . We know that the sisters have been to an estate lawyer , and probably have had the will changed ...oh well
My husbands mother died yesterday . here is the funny thing ... my husband called the police immediatly to investigate , because we were never notified that her health was failing , the doctor also arrived and checked her for assult , and found nothing , then classified this case as death of natural causes . 1 hour later , after he went back to his office and called the pathologist at the hospital , he called the police and requested an autopsy .
I guess my point is this ... if you have an elderly , or sick family member , please find a doctor that is willing to communicate with the entire family , about the care , and the health status of the pacient. There were a million red flags pointing towards elder abuse , we told doctors , lawyers , and tried everything possible to see that she had a nuetural party evaluating her mental , and emotional health as well as physical health ... the system failed us , and now we sit here waiting for a call that possibly the sisters will be arrested . If someone you love is in the care of someone you dont trust watch carefully , and MAKE your voice herd, scream if you have to !!! The funeral is monday , and naturally the sisters told us we have to pay for it , cater it , and do the work for it , over 200 people , ( we have a hotel and restaurant ) ... I am not sure how I can compose myself if one of the sisters dares to come near me . Everyone seems to be intimidated by these 2 women , but i sure as he// am NOT . I thought of having a small squirt bottle , and if they come near me I can just say "back off " and squirt them with water , it is very effective for keeping people away without having to say anything or harming them .
My husbands mother suffered a stroke a year ago , once she was able to leave the hospital , a " sister" offered to care for her . This sister had been a recluse from the family for many years , sneaking in to the family home , and taking food , locking herself in her room , and verbally attacking her mother. Hubbys mom wanted despratly to be living at home , but needed care, this funny sister offered to care for her , we thought it was her way of comming back to the family and being productive ....helping ... so she moved in . thats when the nightmare began...
soon after she moved into the mothers house her car broke down , and she was borrowing our car. We suggested that she buy a little used car and if she needed money she could borrow it from the mother ... she did a lot of research but never got around to buying a car, eventually we had to take my car back , as we needed it for our work. This upset her and she decided at this point with the other sister to take the mothers phone away from her so my husband could not contact her. Once the phone was taken we could no longer evaluate her mental condition , so we arranged for a nurse to come by the house 3 times a week and check her out , see how she is doing , help bathe her etc. She reported elder abuse to the nurse , and she reported this to the family doctor . He in turn requested government assistance with financing , and overseeing her care , the mother signed a form against any help . Nothing more could be done. We were aware that the mother was afraid of the her daughter, she told us on several occasions that she was afraid of her when she got angry, and we know one time the sister straped her to a chair to keep her in place ; (
over the last 9 months was have been seeking help from the government via our lawyer... every time something is done that involves a third party to overlook her care or finances , the paperwork is denied by the mother. We have tried many times to visit my husbands mother but she is never at home , the sister is moving her from one house to another , maybe to the other sisters house, we dont know . When we call , they hang up on us , when we use another phone and they hear our voice they set the phone down until we hang up and leave it off the hook .
The doctor would never tell us how she is doing , and when we tried to get her to come live with us , she would say yes, then later at her home with the sisters she would change her mind . We know that the sisters have been to an estate lawyer , and probably have had the will changed ...oh well
My husbands mother died yesterday . here is the funny thing ... my husband called the police immediatly to investigate , because we were never notified that her health was failing , the doctor also arrived and checked her for assult , and found nothing , then classified this case as death of natural causes . 1 hour later , after he went back to his office and called the pathologist at the hospital , he called the police and requested an autopsy .
I guess my point is this ... if you have an elderly , or sick family member , please find a doctor that is willing to communicate with the entire family , about the care , and the health status of the pacient. There were a million red flags pointing towards elder abuse , we told doctors , lawyers , and tried everything possible to see that she had a nuetural party evaluating her mental , and emotional health as well as physical health ... the system failed us , and now we sit here waiting for a call that possibly the sisters will be arrested . If someone you love is in the care of someone you dont trust watch carefully , and MAKE your voice herd, scream if you have to !!! The funeral is monday , and naturally the sisters told us we have to pay for it , cater it , and do the work for it , over 200 people , ( we have a hotel and restaurant ) ... I am not sure how I can compose myself if one of the sisters dares to come near me . Everyone seems to be intimidated by these 2 women , but i sure as he// am NOT . I thought of having a small squirt bottle , and if they come near me I can just say "back off " and squirt them with water , it is very effective for keeping people away without having to say anything or harming them .
