Friend Help?

[Feather1414]

I just don't know how to handle this one!

Ok, a little background information on the whole thing.

Levi - the guy this is all about. He is my best guy friend. He is ONLY a friend; I have no intention of making him anything else - EVER. Just my friend. Yes, I know I stress this heavily.

Remy - Levi's girlfriend. One of my best friends as well. She and Levi have been dating for 10 months or so now, and she is what is causing all this. Note: I can't really talk to her about this.

Me - confused as I don't want to lose either of them as friends or have them mad at me or ANYTHING.

Remy and Levi have been dating for the past 10 months now. I got to know Levi back in March, and over the summer we literally became best friends. Just one of those things that I can trust him with anything – we really clicked.

Lately Remy has gotten the idea that I want to steal Levi from her – when I DON’T. I mean it sincerely when I say he is only my friend. I think it was Monday, but we were in class, right after lunch and she started making all these really odd hand gestures to me, and I didn’t know exactly what they meant. When I did get around to asking her, she told me that it meant “Me + Levi = her heartbroken.†The problem – there is no “Levi and Iâ€, not in the sense she is thinking. This has been brought up several times. Each time she asks me if I would ever steal him from her, I say No Remy. He is ONLY my friend. I know that they are together – and I never had any intention of “stealing†him in the first place. I really can’t stress enough how much he is just my friend. A very good friend, but a friend none the less.

The only solution I have come up would be to pretty much break off my friendship with Levi. I have already been kind of doing that since this whole thing started. Normally, we would talk for HOURS over Instant Messaging. The majority of our conversations are pretty random and stupid. I would also like to point out that no, I am not taking any time away from their relationship. It’s the whole thing where I am online, and he IM’s me. Then we talk. At school, I do talk to him, but I make sure that they aren’t together or whatever. Levi loves Remy just as much as she loves him, so it’s not a point of her thinking Levi is falling for me. Yes, I do love Levi, but differently from Remy. I love him as a friend.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am starting to really hurt Levi’s feelings by not being as talkative to him as I used to; but I don’t want Remy to CONSTANTLY think I am trying to take him. It’s just such a sticky situation. I have kept my mouth shut to both of them about this whole thing. I don’t want to tell Levi because then he will talk to her, and I don’t want it to turn into the whole “You went behind my back, and this is just some scheme to break us up and ARRRGGGHHH†its just so confusing.

Any Ideas?

 

[Tobey]

That's a hard one even for us adults! Many women (and men) get jealous of their significant other's friendships. One thing that I have found, maybe instead of trying to talk to him when she isn't around--try doing or talking to them together. Sounds like she feels she's being excluded or left out. I have guys that are friends too and I try to make an extra effort to include their wifes or girlfriends. Has worked out pretty well for me.

 

[Jill]

Well, I don't really know what you should do because I don't think this is your fault. However, I do not think a teenage boy is going to spend hours text messaging with a girl he isn't interested in romantically. And, I don't think Remy does, either. No matter what Levi might say, I think his interest in you is romantic, and that's what's hurting Remy.

Is there a guy you are interested in? Maybe if so, you could make that clear to Levi and it might turn him off?

 

[Happy Valley]

I think that you should try to spend as much time as possible, and I know you are busy, with your friend Remy. Mostly with her and gradually build up more time to talk to Levi. When you sense that Remy is getting nervous about it, back off a little with him. You shouldn't have to "pick a friend" so you may have to play a little game to get her to understand that you have no interest in him.

If, however, you do, or then you need to REALLY soul search and decide where your priorities are.

When you are young there are SO many possibilities, but I would not be 16 again if you paid me!

Stacye

(edited because I spelled Remy's name wrong)

 

[SammyL]

[SIZE=14pt]Jamie,[/SIZE]

I'm sorry you are going through this! Its hard. I understand although it is different circumstances for me. I'll keep thinking about you though! If you need to talk, feel free to PM me anytime!

 

[Feather1414]

Well, I don't really know what you should do because I don't think this is your fault.  However, I do not think a teenage boy is going to spend hours text messaging with a girl he isn't interested in romantically.  And, I don't think Remy does, either.  No matter what Levi might say, I think his interest in you is romantic, and that's what's hurting Remy. 
Is there a guy you are interested in?  Maybe if so, you could make that clear to Levi and it might turn him off? 

517347[/snapback]

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Jill, is I was saying this in person, I promise it would NOT sound rude in any way. Its not "attitudish" the way I say it out loud, but it may on the computer, just a warning.

Trust me, there is NO way Levi s interested romantically. He literally is my best friend, he is just a guy. We spend hours on the internet Instant Messaging each other. Mainly because I am online, and so is he, so we will strike up a conversation.

I have a lot of guy friends, who I do spend hours talking to, but neither of us are interested romantically in each other.

I just don't know what to do about this anymore.

 

[Happy Valley]

Do the three of you ever go out and do stuff together? Or as a group with other friends?

Could it be that Remy is feeling crowded by Levi and feeling uncomfortable and wondering if she should break up with him and perhaps projecting her discomfort and lack of security onto you and your relationship with him? Maybe she thinks that if she breaks it off with him she will alienate you.

Just a thought.

Stacye

 

[Feather1414]

Do the three of you ever go out and do stuff together?  Or as a group with other friends?
Could it be that Remy is feeling crowded by Levi and feeling uncomfortable and wondering if she should break up with him and perhaps projecting her discomfort and  lack of security onto you and your relationship with him?  Maybe she thinks that if she breaks it off with him she will alienate you.

Just a thought.

Stacye

518347[/snapback]

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I would consider that, except any time I talk to her, she tells me how much she loves him and what not. I know that people say that people my age "can't" know what love is, but you should see these two.

I think its more or less the problem that Remy is afraid that something is going to happen, and she will no longer have Levi around. The first the that comes to her mind I guess is me taking him. Not really sure why.

Yea, we all do a lot as a group of friends.

 

[Sonya]

I agree with Jill - I think more than likely he is interested in being more than just your friend. I can see why Remy is upset, but it's certainly not your fault.

I know you think there is no way that he wants to be more than friends, but I'd bet if you acted interested in him, he would react!

 

[Marty]

First off, I've always had guys call me that are just my friends, that's all period. Their girlfriends and I were always friends too no big deal.

You people are just being way too instense.

If I were YOU, I would stand in the middle of them both and say "HEY! I am friends with the both of you, good friends, and I plan on remaining good friends with the both of you so darn it CHILL"!

 

[minimomNC]

Sit her down and explain just one more time, you and Levi are only friends. That in your heart thats all you and he will ever be. And tell her this is the way its going to be, you want to remain friends with both of them but she has to get a grip on her jealousy. I am sure she doesn't want Levi to find out how she has been treating you so ask her if she wants to sit down with the three of you and discuss the whole thing with some maturity. If she doesn't then tell her that you aren't going to change your friendship with Levi any more than you would change your friendship with her.

There is no reason you can't be the same friends with both, she justs needs to grow up a little bit and become more sure of herself.

Good luck and I hope it works out for all three of you. Its hard losing a best friend for no good reason.