Had to watch my baby led away in handcuffs last night!!

[AppyLover2]

Kim I just remembered something that helped me when things got bad. I had read or heard somewhere (can't really remember which) that everyone has to "accept responsibility for our own actions". To me that was the key to the whole tuff love type thing. As long as parents cover for their kids, ignore the things that are happening, or keep bailing them out of trouble those kids (or adults for that matter) never have to accept responsibility. It's only when they're forced to deal with their own actions that it starts to fall into place. I learned to tell her (and myself, which is maybe even more important) that I wasn't responsible for the things she had done and I wasn't the one who had to suffer the consequences. Bless you for being strong enough to do what was probably one of the hardest things we, as parents, are ever faced with.

 

[Mini Brook Farm]

I'm soooo sorry you and your family are going through this. Many moons ago I was a Correctional Officer and I agree that your decision not to bail her out was the correct one. (IMO bailing her out would reward her for making bad choices) She has to hit bottom and want to change. You are in my thoughts and prayers. (( hugs ))

Carol

 

[lvponies]

Update on Mary:

Mary spent 2 weeks in juvenile detention charged with domestic battery and possession. Think it was a real eye opener for her!! We were able to visit a couple of times on weekends. It was a jail!! We were checked with a metal detector and had to sit in a chair while a drug sniffing dog checked us out before we could visit with her. We were given 1/2 hour of visiting time while a guard sat in the room with us. Mary was strip searched after each visit. She was angry at us at first, then she changed to telling us what we wanted to hear (to get her out), then she seemed genuinely remorseful and wanted to change her life (ok...it still could have been telling us what we wanted to hear!!).

We had a hearing where the prosecutor asked us what we wanted. Did we want her to come home or not?? We'll see if this was a good decision or not as time goes by, but we said she could come home. We just didn't want her having to go to trial and possibly getting stuck in the "system" for a lengthy time. She's on probation now. She has a probation officer who will do random drug tests. I guess he will just show up at our home whenever he wants, but so far hasn't been here yet. She is forbidden to see or talk to the boyfriend, she has to abide by all the rules of our house, maintain a C average in school, abide by all the school's rules (no detentions) and she has to attend counseling. If she tests positive for drugs or breaks any of the rules of probation, back she goes. Her case manager said that if her probation is revoked, she could be locked away in a much tougher, older juvenile facility then she was in until she's 18 or even til she's 21. It's on the other side of the state and we would not be able to visit often. Think it scared her, hope it scared her. We've told her that this is the one and only time that we will ever stand up for her in court. If she violates her probation, she's on her own and will have to take whatever they give her with no interference from us. She goes back to court on 9/4 (her 17th birthday!) to see how she's doing.

She's been home for 2 weeks. So far, everything has been fine. The boyfriend has moved out of the area and Mary has heard that he has another girlfriend. We've kept Mary on a tight leash and are questioning every phone call and every place she goes. Her first counseling session is on Monday night. Hope she connects with the counselor and he is able to help her find permanent sobriety.

I hope and pray we made the right decision and that Mary and that she is able to stay away from drugs.

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers for my family and for Mary!!

Kim

 

[LindaL]

I really hope that Mary takes seriously everything that's going on and will turn her life around. It sounds like she is making a sincere effort and that's great! I think by showing her that you "want" to give her a chance helps and that by also laying the law down, you are showing that she can't bully you or she pays the consequences. Wishing you continued luck that Mary does well and stays sober!

 

[zoey829]

Thank you for updating us. I have been thinking about you. I really hope it works out. I am glad he has a new girlfriend. The longer they stay away the better. Our prayers go out and keep us posted.

 

[bfogg]

Hello Kim,

Working in a school and seeing this stuff everyday, I want to tell you I wish every parent would do what you did! It was absolutely the right decision for you to make!

God bless you for going the responsible route!!!!!! :aktion033: :aktion033:

:

Bonnie

 

[StarRidgeAcres]

Kim,

I don't have children but if I did I'd hope I'd have the courage and strength to do what you did. It was the right decision and hopefully your daughter will someday realize that and thank you for it.

:

 

[eagles ring farm]

Jail for some kids is the best medicine

my son did 9 mos in state prison (3 yr sentence)

for things that would have been considered

boys will be boys things some years ago

I tried to warn him how things are today

but he made the mistake of a terrorist threat ("you won't wake up tomarrow")

is all he said avoiding a worse threat

to someone right in front of a cop and that was it.

3 years state prison serving 9 mos and released

on parole.

Well his parole is over now and he is the most responsible nice

young man. He is a hard worker and has had the same job with advancement

since he got out. I have to give alot of credit to his girlfriend who has stuck by him through everything

So jail is the school of hard knocks for some to learn a good lesson

it is the best thing that ever happened to him.

Lori

hang in there it may have done a world of good only time will tell

in our situation its been a couple years so I trust it now

Wishing you luck and congrats for being so strong

: for you and your family kids are so hard today

 

[backwoodsnanny]

Kim Thank you for the update on Mary I have thought of you often and was hoping you were doing better. I hope the jail stay scared the bejesus out of her but dont beat yourself up if the good behavior doesnt last but as was said when and if the rules are broken you have to follow through with what you have said you would do. PM or email me anytime. Continued prayers for all of you.

Nita

 

[runamuk]

Happy to hear the update, and hoping it was soon enough and tough enough. I am always here if the house of cards comes tumbling down. I understand how hard this is but you must remain tough. Sure would be easier if kids came with an owners manual and programming instructions

:

 

[PaintedPromiseRanch]

Hang in there Kim, we are all still with you

: