How to stop being the victim

[Frankie]

Our house was broke in to last Monday, I came home from my moms and found it. I've got to admit I haven't slept much since. We are like most of you, in the sticks and not many close neighbors.

I feel like I am being a weiner and am mad at myself for being that way.

I have been through a lot in my life and if I have learned anything it is getting over this and stop being the victim really is a choice. I know that but am still struggling with it.

I got called into work tonight, got home a little while ago. My son is spending the night at a friends. When I pulled in the drive, I sat there, not sure how long. Told myself I was being stupid and to get out of the truck. I come into the house, see nothing unusual, but I still check the entire house, takes an hour. The whole time telling myself to stop, but I couldn't. Getting madder at myself. I am letting them make me even more the victim. But is 6 days enough to stop it?

I have even gone so far as to call family when I get home so I am talking to them when I go in. Maybe that is why I am doing this now, it was to late to call anyone. I came in alone,,,like that was the first time I have ever done that.

The door was locked. I'm wasting an hour every time I come home. I wish I had a smaller house too.

I use to love my house, not so much any more, I dread being here unless out side.

More time? Or do I just need to yell at myself more for listening to every tiny noise that a week ago I didn't even hear?

Geeze, I need to do something to fix me. But what?

Sorry if I am whining.

Thanks for being here.

 

[wc minis]

I think since this happened it is very normal the way you are feeling. I know that I would feel the same way. I think it may just take some time for you, or maybe you will always have this in your mind everytime you come home. Here, we live in a rural area, and we have older neighbors that keep watch. If we have came home in a different car, one that they havent seen, or anything unusual, they are here. It is kind of funny, but yet I am thankful they are so observant or nosey. lol! Give yourself some time

 

[Marty]

I think you are behaving very normal. You ARE a victim and its ok to act like one. You have been violated. Just thinking that some dang stranger had been in my things would make me very uneasy.

Leave some lights on in the house or put them on a timer. Maybe you can set a couple of ****ie traps here and there just to give yourself some comfort. A string line, or something. Maybe you can arrange for a neighbor or friend to meet you in your driveway when you come home for a while until you get your confidence back.

Did they every find out who did this? And if so, are they in jail? Maybe if you touch base with the cops who are working the case and talk things over with them it will help.

 

[Miniv]

What you describe is perfectly normal.........You have been violated.

On a positive note, it is VERY VERY unlikely the person(s) who broke in before will be back again.

In the meantime......on a personal "spiritual" note, I suggest that you "smudge" your home and immediate property. It will help wipe out the negative CRAP you are feeling from YOUR personal space right now.

You have EVERY right to feel the way you are feeling.......BTW. I would too. The idiots who were there left behind a lot of "residue" which is why I am mentioning the "smudging". ( PM me if you don't know what that means.)

 

[SilverDollar]

Carolyn, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your actions are perfectly normal. I had my apartment broken into over 20 years ago and 30+ years ago I had a man in the back of my family's station wagon (long story and very frightening but I escaped without personal injury). In both situations the criminal was caught and we went to court. On one hand, the prosecution and conviction of those who did the crimes was good but on the other hand, facing them was quite terrifying.

When your personal space and "safety zone" has been violated you have every right to whatever you are feeling. Developing new "rituals" that make you feel safer is okay. I did the exact same things that you are doing; I would check every closet, under every bed, check exterior doors, windows, you name it. My curtains and blinds were always closed and I became somewhat of a hermit after dark. I did what Marty suggested with "****y traps", too. I would set "markers" so I would know if anything was opened or moved and it got me to clear out under my beds!

I would also call my family or friends while entering my home if alone; it helped me, and my friends understood. I don't know how long it actually took me to stop looking everywhere but eventually you will regain a sense of safety.

Nowadays I am careful but not too paranoid. Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. You will get over this in your own time. Try not to beat yourself up over it.

Rebecca

 

[Frankie]

Thanks for your understanding and suggestions.

No they haven't caught them yet.

The good part is no one has yet to be home,,,they have hit several houses on our road. The bad part is they have hit some of them twice,,,maybe I am waiting for the second time. And if they want in, they get in. Each break in had damage to get inside the house. The guy just down the road has replaced a lot. Got him twice,,,appears to be more than one person as there are a few places tore up to gain entry. His wife has for sure had enough.

The sheriff is out here more,,see more cars, checking pawn shops, but no leads yet.

Today will be better.

Thanks again

 

[Jill]

Some of the thing that make me feel safe:

• Our ADT Security System
• Deadbolts on all the doors
• A Big, Loud Collie
• Guns and My License to Carry

 

[kaykay]

Do you have a house dog?? I know there are a lot of studies that show robbers will usually skip a house with a dog barking inside as they just dont want the hassle. I think now there is even a motion detector that will play a dog barking

But I am in a firm believer in dogs. Ours are so friendly but if someone they dont know comes to the door they look and sound vicious

 

[Leeana]

I know what you mean Carolyn, someone (and i know who) come on our property last week during midnight and keyed my dads truck. When i walk out of the house at 11:30 at night i cannot keep the thoughts out of my head that someone was here...at night..on my property...destroying our property. It is very scary so i know how you are feeling

 

[Bess Kelly]

You are normal!!

Look into some type of security system. Some have fees and monitoring, others not. But, even one without monitoring could be helpful in that you could have a "command" center to let you know that none of the perimeter locations have been entered. That alone would help you feel more secure as you entered, less mandatory to check through every inch. If you have a 2 story house, put something on the lower couple steps that would "track" if any thing went up.....that could help "secure" 1/2 the house for you

Some systems will send notice to your cell if there has been entrance, so even if your son went in, etc. Assuring yourself that you are in more control will help you feel safe again. Have a plan for your own safety and control -- almost like "what if I had a fire, flood, etc." ....... a plan. You have been through a LOT this past year, not just this break-in. Think it through. If you have any of the wireless cams for the foalings, consider using them in areas that you can keep watch on sections of your home if foalings are done.

Calling someone is great, like you are doing. But I can tell you are independent and this "feels" to you that you have lost that. You haven't -- this is just good sense with the current circumstances!

We had several of these daytime breakins in the general area where I live -- one right across the street!! They caught them after a month or so, 4 guys breaking in at homes where no one was home (always) and daytime only in these cases. Guess the economy is pushing many to crime -- just what we need more of!!!!!

 

[miniwhinny]

You ARE the victim here sweetie...don't be hard on yourself. Something horrible happened to you. There aren't many things worse than having your home - a place of safety and peace - violated.

2 years ago our home was burgled $27,000 of stuff stolen or damaged. It took me months and months to start feeling better ( and I'm NOT a wimp) I wanted to get an AK 47 and a load of nasty dogs....seriously.

Its 2 years later and I'm back to my old self. You will get over it but don't add to the horror of what's happened by beating yourself up...you'd be a very strange person not to feel this way. Contact your local victims advocates at the court. Ours were awesome and I know they offer free counciling if you want someone to talk to who understands.

((((((BIG HUGS)))))))

 

[AppyLover2]

Carolyn, it's been a few days now (very few, I know) and I hope you're beginning to feel a bit more relaxed and comfortable in your home. I know from past experience that time helps heal this kind of pain.

 

[Sonya]

What you are feeling is perfectly normal, it's only been a few days, give yourself time. When I was in college (living at home with my parents..this was about 20yrs ago) our house was broken into. You feel so violated.

We got a security system within a week.

 

[miniwhinny74]

Carolyn,

I'm so sorry for your unfortunate turn of luck. It seems like you are really being tested right now. You feelings are perfectly normal, so don't be hard on yourself.

The ideas everyone came up with are good--particularly the security system idea. I would get motion sensor lights all over the property, too, because you never know when something might call you from the safety of the house (especially when you have horses!) Also, a big dog to walk down to the barn with you if you don't already have one.

You might also consider taking some self defense classes--what better way to shed the "victim" skin and feel empowered? And do some on-line research about securing your property to get more (professional) ideas. When you FEEL like you've left no stone unturned, you'll probably get your confidence back sooner.

Having someone on the phone with you as you come home is a great idea! (I've watched too many episodes of "Forensic Files"--and trust me, that's not exactly the best show to watch when you're home alone! LOL)

But one day you WILL get your confidence back, it will just take time. Until then, I wish you the best.