AppyLover2
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Charlene now that chaos is over I hope you're finally getting some rest. How are the fur-kids doing? Been thinking of you.
my husband is nearing the end of his long fight
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Charlene
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OMG kathy, if that isn't a sign, i don't know what is!!! wow!
thanks for asking AL2, actually i AM getting some much needed rest. i've had so many people in and out every day, i think they are afraid to leave me alone. i NEED some alone time so yesterday and today, i put a little sign on the door, "napping", turned my phone to silent, closed all the blinds on the windows that have blinds and stayed away from the windows that don't and i did some laundry and cleaned out a kitchen cupboard this morning. i am going back to work either monday or tuesday so i have some things that need to be done.
i went out today for the first time since gary's memorial services. i needed horse feed and dog food and some wine coolers. it felt good to get out and about and even though being away from home failed to take my mind off of gary for even a nanosecond, i did ok. i stopped by the florist and ordered some fresh cut flowers to be delivered to our hospice nurses and then did my running.
i just came back from the cemetery where i had a little chat with gary. i told him again how much i love him and how much i miss him and how i'll be ok in time. i did all of that without crying. i even sort of told him a little joke...
whenever we would leave home together and the dogs stayed here, gary would give them each a cookie and say "you stay here, we'll be RIGHT BACK!" it didn't matter if we were gone for 5 minutes or 5 hours. when gary got too weak to go out, *I* would give the dogs cookies and say "you stay here, i'll be RIGHT BACK!" and when i said that, gary would say OK! so when i turned to walk back to my truck to come home from the cemetery, i told gary...you stay here, i'll be RIGHT BACK! THAT is his kind of humor.
the dogs have finally figured out the pre-formed plastic, carpeted steps i got for them to be able to get up on our bed and it only took 3 pieces of cheese.
Charlene, I am not on the forum to much but just happened to see this topic so I started to read. What an emotional ride I've taken reading this and I want to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. You have been through alot and I know how hard it is letting go to a loved one. I wanted to say that even though I do not personally know you that from what I've read you are an amazing, strong, caring person and Gary was so blessed to have had you in his life. May the love and strenght of Family and Friends help you through this very sad time in your live. My Thoughts and Prayers are with you.
I would like to also say that I am truly touched by the wonderful caring people that are on this forum. I can only imagine the boost in strength they must have and still are giving you through this with all their kind, caring, loving words.
(((((( Hugs ))))))) to You and your Family
Diane
I would like to also say that I am truly touched by the wonderful caring people that are on this forum. I can only imagine the boost in strength they must have and still are giving you through this with all their kind, caring, loving words.
(((((( Hugs ))))))) to You and your Family
Diane
Charlene,
I'm so glad that you managed to get out and get some things done. I'll never know where you get your strength from. That's also great that you managed to get some rest, it will help you.
You are an inspiration, an amazing lady.
My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry Gary is gone. (but not forgotten
).
xox Leonie xox
I'm so glad that you managed to get out and get some things done. I'll never know where you get your strength from. That's also great that you managed to get some rest, it will help you.
You are an inspiration, an amazing lady.
My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry Gary is gone. (but not forgotten
xox Leonie xox
Charlene
Well-Known Member
yes diane, it has most definitely been a roller coaster ride of emotions. when we were up, we were WAY up and when we were down, i didn't think i could ever climb out of the hole but climb we did and with the help of my forum family here and gary's family, i know i will be ok.
leonie, you are so right...gary will never be forgotten by me or anybody else as long as there is breath in my body.
dr. mink, gary's oncologist called a little while ago. i had called on monday and left a message that gary had passed away. dr. mink was so sweet on the phone, he said gary was such a trooper and such a fighter and he hoped he was able to give us some quality time. i told him that because of him, we had another almost-two years together on this earth. i told him how gary waited for me to fall asleep next to him before he answered the call from God and he was very touched. all over dr. mink's office are signs of his faith, little sayings on the receptionist's desk that leaves no doubt in anyone's mind that God is in control and i always found that comforting. he is a sweet, caring man and i am racking my brain trying to think of something i can take to his office as a gift for what he gave to us. any ideas anybody??
leonie, you are so right...gary will never be forgotten by me or anybody else as long as there is breath in my body.
dr. mink, gary's oncologist called a little while ago. i had called on monday and left a message that gary had passed away. dr. mink was so sweet on the phone, he said gary was such a trooper and such a fighter and he hoped he was able to give us some quality time. i told him that because of him, we had another almost-two years together on this earth. i told him how gary waited for me to fall asleep next to him before he answered the call from God and he was very touched. all over dr. mink's office are signs of his faith, little sayings on the receptionist's desk that leaves no doubt in anyone's mind that God is in control and i always found that comforting. he is a sweet, caring man and i am racking my brain trying to think of something i can take to his office as a gift for what he gave to us. any ideas anybody??
Reble
Well-Known Member
Oh Charlene, I laughed hearing "be right back", so nice to know you are smiling.
Now, about the rug and steps where did you get it? I have been thinking about getting my dachshund girl one, she is just up and down too many times a day on the coach for me, especially with my right arm still not as good as it should be after the rotor cuff operation?
Where and how much? Thanks
Now, about the rug and steps where did you get it? I have been thinking about getting my dachshund girl one, she is just up and down too many times a day on the coach for me, especially with my right arm still not as good as it should be after the rotor cuff operation?
Where and how much? Thanks
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Charlene
Well-Known Member
here ya go, toots. i got this at a farm supply/home improvement store called Buchheit's. i don't know if it's a chain store or a one-of-a-kind but i LOVE this store. they even have MINI HORSE stuff!
don't bother with the ones you see at walmart, they are pretty useless. much too lightweight and the steps aren't wide enough for ANY dog to use comfortably.
yep, i'm smiling today because i feel gary all around me. it's snowing and as soon as there's enough snow on the ground, i'm heading out to make a snow angel. that's something gary and i always did. there will be two angels in the snow but mine will be the only one visible.
don't bother with the ones you see at walmart, they are pretty useless. much too lightweight and the steps aren't wide enough for ANY dog to use comfortably.
yep, i'm smiling today because i feel gary all around me. it's snowing and as soon as there's enough snow on the ground, i'm heading out to make a snow angel. that's something gary and i always did. there will be two angels in the snow but mine will be the only one visible.
anoki
Well-Known Member
Charlene, it is nice to hear you are smiling....even for just a little bit!!
Those stairs look great....wish I could find some like that up here, without breaking the bank!! I have the crappy Wal-Mart ones.....and Moxie won't even try them.
((((hugs))))
~kathryn
Those stairs look great....wish I could find some like that up here, without breaking the bank!! I have the crappy Wal-Mart ones.....and Moxie won't even try them.
((((hugs))))
~kathryn
Reble
Well-Known Member
Oh thanks for the info, glad you guys told me not too buy Walmart, that was the first place I would have looked.
I will be keeping an eye out for one like yours, thanks Charlene.
I will be keeping an eye out for one like yours, thanks Charlene.
lvponies
Well-Known Member
I was window shopping on OverStock.com today and saw these pet stairs. Not sure if they are what anyone is looking for or not??
Charlene......You sound great!! So glad you're getting some rest and getting things done you want to do. Betcha those 2 snow angels reach out and hold hands when you're not looking!!
Charlene......You sound great!! So glad you're getting some rest and getting things done you want to do. Betcha those 2 snow angels reach out and hold hands when you're not looking!!
Barbie
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[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]
So glad you're smiling a little today - just take it one day at a time. It will slowly get a little easier - especially with all the wonderful memories you have and the great love you and Gary are still sharing.
Have fun making your snow angel - and yes, you're right, there will be two.
I think about you daily - hope you get some good rest again tonight.
Barbie
So glad you're smiling a little today - just take it one day at a time. It will slowly get a little easier - especially with all the wonderful memories you have and the great love you and Gary are still sharing.
Have fun making your snow angel - and yes, you're right, there will be two.
I think about you daily - hope you get some good rest again tonight.
Barbie
MInx
Well-Known Member
Good evening Charlene...hope this is a good evening for you..love you little dog..
I want again applaud your strength of character through all this. I loved your story about the cemetery..
I find we are just starting this same journey in our family best friend and cousin..
I am still in shock..
they live in Maine and were just ready to head out to Florida for their place the for the Winter..
Ruthie had had a couple problems this past summer but was doing well..had some kind of shunt put in her heart? area.
Well she was getting a check up from that, and thought she might have a little pneumonia so xrayed.
Found a nodule and was sent to oncologist..seems it is cancer, in her kidney, lung and spread several places. they give her one year to 18 months.
Selfishly I am devastated! We usually went down for three months and joined them and are very close.
She loves Maine, doesn't like hot weather, so have opted to stay home.
She lives very near the "Nubble" light house. Watched them build it as a kid..(Cape Neddick Light)
My fervent hope is to be healthy enough to go see her..we went before to Maine but it's a long, long drive
Sorry i got off on myself again, I tend to do that..we live VERY isolated here.
SO, I wish you a good nights sleep, warm doggy breath on your pillow and some sun on the snow in the morning.
Maxine
I want again applaud your strength of character through all this. I loved your story about the cemetery..
I find we are just starting this same journey in our family best friend and cousin..
I am still in shock..
they live in Maine and were just ready to head out to Florida for their place the for the Winter..
Ruthie had had a couple problems this past summer but was doing well..had some kind of shunt put in her heart? area.
Well she was getting a check up from that, and thought she might have a little pneumonia so xrayed.
Found a nodule and was sent to oncologist..seems it is cancer, in her kidney, lung and spread several places. they give her one year to 18 months.
Selfishly I am devastated! We usually went down for three months and joined them and are very close.
She loves Maine, doesn't like hot weather, so have opted to stay home.
She lives very near the "Nubble" light house. Watched them build it as a kid..(Cape Neddick Light)
My fervent hope is to be healthy enough to go see her..we went before to Maine but it's a long, long drive
Sorry i got off on myself again, I tend to do that..we live VERY isolated here.
SO, I wish you a good nights sleep, warm doggy breath on your pillow
and some sun on the snow in the morning.Maxine
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Charlene
Well-Known Member
oh what a GREAT vision that is!!!I was window shopping on OverStock.com today and saw these pet stairs. Not sure if they are what anyone is looking for or not??
Charlene......You sound great!! So glad you're getting some rest and getting things done you want to do. Betcha those 2 snow angels reach out and hold hands when you're not looking!!
reble, sorry i forgot you asked about the cost of these steps. it's a pre-formed mold and the brown places are little pieces of carpet. it's all one piece and very lightweight, easy to move around. they were $40.
maggie didn't come to bed with me and simon last night. not sure what time she decided to grace us with her presence but when i woke this morning, she was curled up on her daddy's pillow, sound asleep, bless her little corgi heart.
maxine, i am SO sorry to hear this news, i know how devastated you must be. i will say this to you...never EVER give up hope! where there is life, there is hope. just because the doctors say one year or two years or 6 months, THEY DON'T KNOW. we all know who is really in charge, the doctors are just guessing. there are new treatments for cancer coming out almost daily. were it not for the new drugs, i would have lost gary long before i did. ask questions, demand answers. find out EXACTLY what kind of cancer it is and read, read, read everything you can get your hands on. don't be afraid to make suggestions to the doctors. and above all, pray like you've never prayed. God will listen and God will answer. you all will be in my prayers.
charlene
nootka
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With all that's been happening here, I did not realize he was gone, though I did "know" it as I somewhat avoided this thread. It hurts to see what you're going through, have gone through and will go through.
I hate how unfair life is, that you both could not be together every single day of your lives (I know you think of these things, too, I am sorry if it opens the wounds anew)...
You have a beautiful love, it will never be a "was" or a "had" or a "been" it's a present tense thing, and always will be.
Thank you for sharing with us. As much as it hurts, it makes us feel better to be "here" for you.
Rest in Peace, Gary, and good luck with all those projects. We could sure use you here on the North Coast of Oregon with all of this damage....I can imagine you'd be one of those right out there with your neighbors helping to repair things because all your work's done.
Liz
Charlene
Well-Known Member
i don't really look at it as unfair. it seems to help me if i look at it as being God's plan. i can't question that. it doesn't make it hurt any less, that's for sure but if i go through life asking why and being bitter, i'll just end up a crotchety old woman. i would rather use my energy keeping the farm alive and planning next year's flower gardens. gary so loved his flowers and i'd like for him to have a nice view next summer.
i agree 100%, my love for gary will never end. he was my other half, i can never be complete now that he is not here physically.
gary IS in oregon, i just bet he's "supervising" a crew somewhere!
looks like the snow has let up so i need to get out there and make my snow angel before i go to bed. brrr!
i agree 100%, my love for gary will never end. he was my other half, i can never be complete now that he is not here physically.
gary IS in oregon, i just bet he's "supervising" a crew somewhere!
looks like the snow has let up so i need to get out there and make my snow angel before i go to bed. brrr!
Kathy2m
Well-Known Member
Charlene,
Checking in on you this morning. I know the hardest time for my Mom was after the services and everyone had gone.
I wish I could find steps like that for my Gracie, since we got the new bed and wood floor she cant jump without slipping and she has tried. Since Adam has moved home she has taken to sleeping with him, his bed is lower, but with his new job he gets up at 5 (hubbys up and gone by then too)and she comes looking for another body to sleep with and wakes me up with that corgi talk. I bought a cheap set that doesnt even reach half way up the bed. She wouldnt even use them. They do like to be on those pillows dont they!
Hope you have a good day, Kathy
Checking in on you this morning. I know the hardest time for my Mom was after the services and everyone had gone.
I wish I could find steps like that for my Gracie, since we got the new bed and wood floor she cant jump without slipping and she has tried. Since Adam has moved home she has taken to sleeping with him, his bed is lower, but with his new job he gets up at 5 (hubbys up and gone by then too)and she comes looking for another body to sleep with and wakes me up with that corgi talk. I bought a cheap set that doesnt even reach half way up the bed. She wouldnt even use them. They do like to be on those pillows dont they!
Hope you have a good day, Kathy
Vicky Texas
Well-Known Member
Charlene
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I just read your post, and I am so sorry.
I know he meant a lot to you and your family. I know the months ahead will be hard
with Gary.
Wow, you are incredible.
i don't really look at it as unfair. it seems to help me if i look at it as being God's plan. i can't question that. it doesn't make it hurt any less, that's for sure but if i go through life asking why and being bitter, i'll just end up a crotchety old woman. i would rather use my energy keeping the farm alive and planning next year's flower gardens. gary so loved his flowers and i'd like for him to have a nice view next summer.
i agree 100%, my love for gary will never end. he was my other half, i can never be complete now that he is not here physically.
gary IS in oregon, i just bet he's "supervising" a crew somewhere!
looks like the snow has let up so i need to get out there and make my snow angel before i go to bed. brrr!
But maybe this will help you keep going in the months ahead. Your right, your farm, your
horses, your garden's will need you.
May God keep his loving arm's around you.
Vicky
Charlene
Well-Known Member
thank you, vicky. i don't recall if i mentioned this but i recently burned every bit of paperwork and flushed every pill that even remotely reminded me of gary's disease. i thought i destroyed everything but i came across more stuff today while cleaning out a closet. it's gone, burned.Charlene
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I just read your post, and I am so sorry.
I know he meant a lot to you and your family. I know the months ahead will be hard
with Gary.
Wow, you are incredible.
i don't really look at it as unfair. it seems to help me if i look at it as being God's plan. i can't question that. it doesn't make it hurt any less, that's for sure but if i go through life asking why and being bitter, i'll just end up a crotchety old woman. i would rather use my energy keeping the farm alive and planning next year's flower gardens. gary so loved his flowers and i'd like for him to have a nice view next summer.
i agree 100%, my love for gary will never end. he was my other half, i can never be complete now that he is not here physically.
gary IS in oregon, i just bet he's "supervising" a crew somewhere!
looks like the snow has let up so i need to get out there and make my snow angel before i go to bed. brrr!
But maybe this will help you keep going in the months ahead. Your right, your farm, your
horses, your garden's will need you.
May God keep his loving arm's around you.
Vicky
but i came across some other stuff. gary used to leave me little notes and little cards all the time. i have every single one of them, even the little scraps of paper or little post-it notes he wrote on. i started to read them but it was just too painful. tucked among them was an e-mail he sent to me at work on our 9th anniversary. gary typed with one finger, it must have taken him all day. it said "happy 9th anniversary babe! let's try for 100!" OH GOD!!!
Magic
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Charlene, {{{hugs}}} to you.
After my Mom died, seeing her handwriting made me cry, seeing pictures of her made me cry, seeing my flowers bloom that she had helped me plant made me cry, pretty much everything did, sigh.... My Mom was only 65 and I thought she'd be around for decades longer.
I hate to say it, but it may get worse before it gets better (the grieving process). I think that shock kind of protects us at first.
I can't imagine losing my life partner as you have, and I feel so very sad for your loss. More {{{{hugs}}}}
After my Mom died, seeing her handwriting made me cry, seeing pictures of her made me cry, seeing my flowers bloom that she had helped me plant made me cry, pretty much everything did, sigh.... My Mom was only 65 and I thought she'd be around for decades longer.
I hate to say it, but it may get worse before it gets better (the grieving process). I think that shock kind of protects us at first.
I can't imagine losing my life partner as you have, and I feel so very sad for your loss. More {{{{hugs}}}}
