Surrogate Parenting

[Lisa]

I read an article on Surrogate Parenting. I'm curious about everyone's opinion of this. Here is the article:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/129594/page/1

I think it's great! If pregnancy isn't horrible for me (if I have kids) I would consider doing this. Can you imagine how great it would feel to give a gift like this to an infertile couple or person?

 

[RedWagon]

I think surrogacy is great! I had to have a hysterectomy at age 24. I was lucky enough to have had 2 children already. When my husband & I got married, we were very interested in using a gestational surrogate. We did all the research and talked to some surrogates. But the reality was, we just couldn't afford it. The Newsweek article mentioned payments of $20,000 to $25,000, but we couldn't find many surrogates for less than $30,000 (experienced surrogates in CA up to $60,000) as a base price. Then there are all the extras in most contracts, too--maternity clothes, life insurance, housekeeper, child care & lost wages if put on bed rest, extra fee for multiples or C-section, plus regular medical expenses and of course the fertility doctor fees! It all adds up very fast and unfortunately, we just couldn't afford it.

I think it is a great alternative for those otherwise unable to have a biological child and think most surrogates are fantastic!

 

[Ashley]

My question is how could you give it up after carrying it that long? Dont think I could do it.

 

[Sonya]

Being someone who can not carry a child I would never want another woman to do it for me, JMO....I would adopt a child first....to be honest, I would seriously doubt someone who would take money to carry someone elses child. I hope I'm wrong, but to me, it just seems to be a $$$$ thing....

less than $30,000 (experienced surrogates in CA

what does it take to be considered an "experienced surrogate"???? I'm very curious!! If surrogates are saying they want to do it to "help"...puting a pricetag on it that high isn't helping...

I guess I'm just not one to believe in this...there are so many children who don't have parents who deserve to have parents more than a surrogate mother deserves to take advantage of someone elses unfortunate situation and pocket $30,000. I'm not saying it hasn't worked in the past and for those who it's worked for...amen!

But, really...how many people do you know that this has been a GOOD situation for them? I've never heard a good story about surrogancy...not a one...not a public one or a private one!

 

[Marty]

I find this article very disturbing. They are talking about supply and demand and financial transactions like it was nothing more than any other business deal.

Just sick!

 

[RainSong]

I actually offered to my best friend that if time came and she wanted a child but couldn't have one... I'd carry one for her. They'd have to at least help with medical fees, though- yikes.

I'd considered something like surrogacy honestly; but I wouldn't be allowed by the groups that do it. It'd be hard to give up a child to someone I didn't know, so I don't know if I even could.

 

[Lisa]

I actually offered to my best friend that if time came and she wanted a child but couldn't have one... I'd carry one for her. They'd have to at least help with medical fees, though- yikes.

I have offered my best friend the same thing. She *IS* unable to have children. She has suffered cysts since she was a child and had a mandatory hysterectomy. If it comes down to her wanting children and they choose not to adopt and she would like me to act as a surrogate, I will do it for her.

 

[RedWagon]

Sonya, I completely understand you! It does seem like a money thing alot of times. What we were looking into was gestational surrogacy so the child would be biologically mine & my husband's. We also looked into adoption, here & overseas, and the costs there were almost as much as a surrogate. An experienced surrogate is simply someone who has been a surrogate before. There are actually tons of agencies out there, especially in California because of the laws there regarding surrogacy. While we were doing our research, we talked to tons of people that surrogacy worked great for. But, you're right, there are horror stories as well.

Ashley asked: My question is how could you give it up after carrying it that long? Dont think I could do it.

That is why psychological testing is required by all agencies. And also why experienced ones command a higher price. One surrogate we talked with said she considers herself a sort of babysitter--taking care of the baby until the parents can.

 

[RainSong]

I actually offered to my best friend that if time came and she wanted a child but couldn't have one... I'd carry one for her. They'd have to at least help with medical fees, though- yikes.

I have offered my best friend the same thing. She *IS* unable to have children. She has suffered cysts since she was a child and had a mandatory hysterectomy. If it comes down to her wanting children and they choose not to adopt and she would like me to act as a surrogate, I will do it for her.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's made that sort of offer. My friend doesn't know what, exactly is wrong- she's been to a lot of Dr's and never had it figured out. Still, if the time came.. I'd be there

 

[susanne]

I think the babysitter analogy is quite good.

I would have all of the questions voiced by others here, but if someone is psychologically suited for doing this, what a blessing!

I also agree that there are too many children needing parents, but it is out of reach for many due to high cost and restrictions, even with international adoptions these days. Even China, whose government previously looked the other way when unwanted baby girls were killed or deserted, will no longer allow single or gay parents, overweight people, or older couples to adopt.

How sad that such a wonderful thing has become so difficult.

 

[Miniv]

I have very mixed feelings about this.........and I'm speaking as an infertile woman who wanted children all of her life.

When I was finally given that "medical sentence" that I will never be able to conceive, and it was something I dearly wanted, something I wanted to share with my husband, I went into Grief Mode.

When that happens, couples will start looking at every and all alternative opportunities out there. We did. We went through the Invitro program (3 times), and we looked into surrogacy.

Surrogacy is an option, but only for special cases, in my opinion. It's obviously expensive, but so are all of the other options. It also takes a very special woman to be a surrogate. Plus, there is the risk of Scams out there.

Adoption is also available.......but that is also a risk, very expensive, and very difficult for many reasons. The risk includes having the bio-mom change her mind once the baby is born. (This happened to us 2 times.) The requirements for being adoptive parents are very high -- you are looked at and examined through a microscope from all angles......by total strangers, physically, emotionally, and mentally. For Overseas adoptions you have to fit into whatever requirements each country has laid down -- Married so many years, not weigh more than so many pounds for your height, be within a certain age bracket, have a certain level of education.....etc..... And then, if you are not going through a private or Open Adoption, the waiting period can last YEARS.

For us, God showed us that with all of our trying, all of the tests and surgeries, the invitro attempts, we were SUPPOSED TO ADOPT. The child we have is the one that was meant to be for us........

However, for another couple, the child that is meant for them could be through some other avenue. I am not going to judge. But I will caution, because none of the alternatives are easy.

Just speaking from my experience.........

 

[AppyLover2]

Just MHO but I think offering to surrogate for a friend or family member is a whole lot different than doing it for a total stranger. Perhaps they're doing it for good reasons (not the $$$) but if it weren't for someone I was very close to I could have never done it.