The Goose is here Many Thanks
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minih
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I too had no idea you were going thru this just knew I missed reading your posts. Glad your back. Please do not stay away so long again, and everyone here has their problems, do not shy away because of yours. Like Marty said, get up and do! Depression is a bad drop you do not want to completely fall into. It is ok to feel bad, but do not let it consume your life. Hang in there. <<hug>>
hhpminis
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Welcome back Geese, we all love ya!
DunPainted
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Sure have missed you, Vic! Cannot imagine the pain you're experiencing, let alone watching your children's hearts break. You're in our collective prayers.
Hard as it is, remember: "A year from now.........." When things get very dark, remember there'll be another day you'll smile....and that's worth getting through the difficult moments.
May this situation turn out to be a blessing in disguise. We'll hope for the best.
Cindy
Hard as it is, remember: "A year from now.........." When things get very dark, remember there'll be another day you'll smile....and that's worth getting through the difficult moments.
May this situation turn out to be a blessing in disguise. We'll hope for the best.
Cindy
Valerie
Well-Known Member
Glad to hear you are back with us Geese....just sorry to hear of the bad circumstances that have been going on, and sorry, I missed the other posts, so I didn't know why you were out, but I am truly glad you are back with us!
I also agree with the earlier post, you had better get busy on Marty's list, because you know she will be checking it twice.
I hope your days get a little brighter each day & please take comfort in knowing that we are all here for you! Cheers to Dimimore & Marty to taking charge though, you guys are the best!!
I also agree with the earlier post, you had better get busy on Marty's list, because you know she will be checking it twice.
I hope your days get a little brighter each day & please take comfort in knowing that we are all here for you! Cheers to Dimimore & Marty to taking charge though, you guys are the best!!
Geese -
I noticed you were gone as I missed all your good jokes, but I had NO idea that this is what you were going through... absolutely no idea. I just read your posts and was able to put this all together...
I was married for 10 years - not much compared to how long you were married, but regardless, a marriage is a marriage. My ex decided he wanted to see what else was out there, and ended our marriage just like that. I was devisated. There were several people on this forum that helped me through the divorce (this was 5 years ago).
All I can say, it one day at a time. And if need be, do it one hour at a time. Take care of yourself, and we're all here for you...
Big hugs to you... I know the pain, and I am so, so sorry. We don't know each other that well, but I'm here for you, too. I've been down this road, and I do understand.
Liz R.
I noticed you were gone as I missed all your good jokes, but I had NO idea that this is what you were going through... absolutely no idea. I just read your posts and was able to put this all together...
I was married for 10 years - not much compared to how long you were married, but regardless, a marriage is a marriage. My ex decided he wanted to see what else was out there, and ended our marriage just like that. I was devisated. There were several people on this forum that helped me through the divorce (this was 5 years ago).
All I can say, it one day at a time. And if need be, do it one hour at a time. Take care of yourself, and we're all here for you...
Big hugs to you... I know the pain, and I am so, so sorry. We don't know each other that well, but I'm here for you, too. I've been down this road, and I do understand.
Liz R.
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minisaremighty
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Vic,
I, too, like REO read your original post on Thanksgiving. I was in such shock over it after all you have posted about your wife that I didn't know what to post to you. I've thought of you and your family every day since. I will keep all of you in my prayers and pray for healing to come soon. What has happened is unfair to all, it's one thing to hurt a spouse, but when you hurt your own children and grandchildren also, that's just tooooo much.
I will be praying that things work out for the best, whatever that may be. Sometimes it's not always what we want at the time, but in the end, we realize that it happened as it should have.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
I, too, like REO read your original post on Thanksgiving. I was in such shock over it after all you have posted about your wife that I didn't know what to post to you. I've thought of you and your family every day since. I will keep all of you in my prayers and pray for healing to come soon. What has happened is unfair to all, it's one thing to hurt a spouse, but when you hurt your own children and grandchildren also, that's just tooooo much.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Bluerocket
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Vic -- I have not been on the board much lately -- just now catching up.
So very very sorry to hear about your abandonment -- and the horrible situation you are in.
I am not good with words -- but you and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs to you and yours
JJay
So very very sorry to hear about your abandonment -- and the horrible situation you are in.
I am not good with words -- but you and your girls are in my thoughts and prayers.
Many hugs to you and yours
JJay
justaboutgeese
Well-Known Member
I just wish that I had the strength that the people who have gone through this before seem to posess. With the help that demi and marty have provided I have got this far but even with all the motivation thrld sure looks like a bleak cold place . Funny that you people on the forum know more than some of my neighbor and family do. This episode has, even with all that I have accomplished in my life ,feeling like such a complete and total failure. Now with the holiday season looming the house has no decorations, no cards have been sent, shopping seems like a trip down death row. My daughter is forceing me out today to spend more time with me but even after that when the light goes off tonight it will be me alone in the house. Anybody there with a magic wand ? If there were just somthing I could do or take that would make it so everything was better when I woke up. Those that have been through this before must be made of stronger stuff than I am.
lyn_j
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[SIZE=14pt]Vic, God is still there.... If life gets you to "it" whatever it is , He can get you through it. I am praying for a comforting peace for you. You did not fail ...in the relationship or her....you held her up for all those years. You were a success at that
You cant help someone that wont be helped by their own choice. Yes it is hard....yes you do feel REALLY bad. that is normal, that is part of the grieving process. Is there any professionals that you can talk to to help you get to a better place? Often times we need outside, unconnected people to not take sides but still get us past the sadness.[/SIZE]
And BEWARE.... MArty will check to see that you have SOMETHING Christmasy up!
Lyn
And BEWARE.... MArty will check to see that you have SOMETHING Christmasy up!
Lyn
rabbitsfizz
Well-Known Member
Marty checking?? I'M CHECKING!!! Even I have Angels in my window. Vic, a suggestion here- if you are thinking of doing the Christmas thing do NOT try to put up "family" decorations. Go to the store and buy just a few, new ones. Do not try pulling out the boxes of stuff you have accumulated over the years, just leave that be , for this year at least.
Who knows what may have happened by next year and, at the very least, you will have some new decorations. Jane
Who knows what may have happened by next year and, at the very least, you will have some new decorations. Jane
SunQuest
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Vic,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am also sorry that I haven't been online much lately and am just now reading about this.
Please don't feel like you are a failure. You haven't failed at all!!! You are a HUGE success. You supported a family and raised loving children to adulthood even with a mother that has issues. The fact that they are standing by you and trying to get you out of the house shows just how much of a success you are! You gave those children of yours a stable home where they had everything they needed. You taught them the value of family and now they are there for you. In this day and age, that is truelly a sign of someone who is very successful. After all, success is measured in more ways than just money and physical things. You were able to keep the family together when the children needed both parents the most. That is a huge accomplishment IMO.
No matter what you think, she left you and it was her decision to leave the way she did. She broke things off. She betrayed your trust and took the family's valuables (emotional as well as physical) when she left. It was really rotten of her to treat you and your children that way. Yes, her children are just as effected as you as not only do they have to deal with their emotions over their parents not being together, but now they have to worry about how you are going to handle this and how you are going to make it through to the next day. If nothing else, you need to be strong for them. There is a lesson here that you can teach your children, even if they are adults. You can teach them how to deal with the worst of all challenges. You can teach them that there is a new day tomorrow, and that no matter how bad things currently are, there is always a day that will be brighter in the future. You need to help yourself so that you can help lessen your children's worry about you and so that they can learn how to deal with this type of emotional loss. I know it isn't easy, but it is a lesson that only you can teach them how to deal with. After all, heaven forbid, there is the possibility that somewhere down the line they will have to deal with something like this. So just put one foot in front of the other, take it one step at a time, one day at a time and if you need to seek professional help, do that. You must take care of yourself so that your children are helped as well.
As far as others being strong, I would bet that each and every one that has been through a breakup of a long term relationship has felt like the world has done them wrong and they can't go on. Each and every one feels like they have to start over and pick themselves up out of the ditch and that the strength to do so isn't there. But rest assured, they are much stronger AFTER it is over and AFTER the have learned to move on. I would bet every thing I own that those that have been left by their spouses feel like they are at the bottom of the same pit. And I would bet that most that have been through this can look back a few years later and realize that things are better now then they were before they seperated and that they are now much stronger because of it.
Yes, 47 years is a long time. But, I know of close friends of mine that have been together 25 to 30 years and have been through this and it hurts no less for them either. Each has expressed much of the same thoughts you have expressed. Each of them have gone on to find new joys in life as well.
As far as being alone... You are not. This forum is here 24 hours a day. There is always someone online even at 2 am. Many think of you and have noticed that you were not on the forum, and many are pillars of strength and experience for you to draw from. And if you are the religious sort, God is always there with you as well. While your house is quiet, you are not alone. You may have heard of the "footprints in the sand". If you haven't, I will post it for you. just let me know.
You have a good level head on your shoulders and with time you will move on and enjoy life again. You will recover from this, and you will find another that will give you a new spark in your life. Just try to keep in mind that when a door closes, a window always opens. You may not be able to see it now, but you will be able to see it in the future.
Many many huge ((((((((((hugs)))))))))).
(ps... I just can't help but to remind you of something as there just may be a bright side to this. The older men and women get, the ratio of men to women changes. There are less men available for the women as women outlive men on the average. So just think of it like this... you have a larger pool of women to choose from, and many are financially set, which means you just may be able to find one that will take care of you like you deserve!
)
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am also sorry that I haven't been online much lately and am just now reading about this.
Please don't feel like you are a failure. You haven't failed at all!!! You are a HUGE success. You supported a family and raised loving children to adulthood even with a mother that has issues. The fact that they are standing by you and trying to get you out of the house shows just how much of a success you are! You gave those children of yours a stable home where they had everything they needed. You taught them the value of family and now they are there for you. In this day and age, that is truelly a sign of someone who is very successful. After all, success is measured in more ways than just money and physical things. You were able to keep the family together when the children needed both parents the most. That is a huge accomplishment IMO.
No matter what you think, she left you and it was her decision to leave the way she did. She broke things off. She betrayed your trust and took the family's valuables (emotional as well as physical) when she left. It was really rotten of her to treat you and your children that way. Yes, her children are just as effected as you as not only do they have to deal with their emotions over their parents not being together, but now they have to worry about how you are going to handle this and how you are going to make it through to the next day. If nothing else, you need to be strong for them. There is a lesson here that you can teach your children, even if they are adults. You can teach them how to deal with the worst of all challenges. You can teach them that there is a new day tomorrow, and that no matter how bad things currently are, there is always a day that will be brighter in the future. You need to help yourself so that you can help lessen your children's worry about you and so that they can learn how to deal with this type of emotional loss. I know it isn't easy, but it is a lesson that only you can teach them how to deal with. After all, heaven forbid, there is the possibility that somewhere down the line they will have to deal with something like this. So just put one foot in front of the other, take it one step at a time, one day at a time and if you need to seek professional help, do that. You must take care of yourself so that your children are helped as well.
As far as others being strong, I would bet that each and every one that has been through a breakup of a long term relationship has felt like the world has done them wrong and they can't go on. Each and every one feels like they have to start over and pick themselves up out of the ditch and that the strength to do so isn't there. But rest assured, they are much stronger AFTER it is over and AFTER the have learned to move on. I would bet every thing I own that those that have been left by their spouses feel like they are at the bottom of the same pit. And I would bet that most that have been through this can look back a few years later and realize that things are better now then they were before they seperated and that they are now much stronger because of it.
Yes, 47 years is a long time. But, I know of close friends of mine that have been together 25 to 30 years and have been through this and it hurts no less for them either. Each has expressed much of the same thoughts you have expressed. Each of them have gone on to find new joys in life as well.
As far as being alone... You are not. This forum is here 24 hours a day. There is always someone online even at 2 am. Many think of you and have noticed that you were not on the forum, and many are pillars of strength and experience for you to draw from. And if you are the religious sort, God is always there with you as well. While your house is quiet, you are not alone. You may have heard of the "footprints in the sand". If you haven't, I will post it for you. just let me know.
You have a good level head on your shoulders and with time you will move on and enjoy life again. You will recover from this, and you will find another that will give you a new spark in your life. Just try to keep in mind that when a door closes, a window always opens. You may not be able to see it now, but you will be able to see it in the future.
Many many huge ((((((((((hugs)))))))))).
(ps... I just can't help but to remind you of something as there just may be a bright side to this. The older men and women get, the ratio of men to women changes. There are less men available for the women as women outlive men on the average. So just think of it like this... you have a larger pool of women to choose from, and many are financially set, which means you just may be able to find one that will take care of you like you deserve!
