What ever happened to manners?

[Marty]

I won't even begin to tell you what went on at my place over the weekend, it would take an hour, but I'm plain fed up with some people's lack of manners and I'm about to blow. Pardon the venting.

What happened to the time when people said "please" and "thank you?"

My kids learned that one before they could hardly walk!

"Excuse me" is a good one to know.

You don't need a course in social graces to know that one.

Whatever happened to being considerate and showing some common courtesy?

And how about a little respect?

I'm so sick and tired of the ignorance.

The ignorance is just plain disgusting. I can't stand it anymore.

I'm really sick and tired and that "my mammy didn't teach me nuthin like that."

And please speak English. I don't understand that junk that is spewing out of your mouths.

What are you saying?

Oh great, you are chewing tobacco and running around looking for a place to spit and that's why I am having a problem with this. Why did you spit in my mother's demitasse cup????????

How about knocking on someone's door before you just come barging in?

You already have gotten bit by the dog. Do it again and you'll be bit by ME!

Knock on my door!!!

And why don't you ever acknowledge me with some sort of greeting as you brush past me, like "hello" would be a good one instead of treating me like I am not here.

How about not dripping oil all over my floor and furniture and stinking up the place when you come over? My dog's skin infection doesn't stink as badly as you people?

And how about not laying all over my furniture so that no one else has a place to even sit down?

Thank GOD for slipcovers. Now I have to wash them all and probably disinfect them too.

Sit up. I don't come over your house and lay down on the couch.

And how about removing your stinky hat at my dinner table? And get it off the table!!!!!!!

You weren't invited for dinner, but you all keep showing up right at that moment when dinner is ready.

It's late, why do I have to tell you when it's time to go home? Can't you figure it out that when people are getting their showers and in their night clothes that means it's time for you to leave? GO HOME!

You are in my house, can you please stop ignoring me?

I am not invisible.

"I'm trying to watch a TV show that is over in 5 minutes. I don't want to miss the end so would you please stop wrestling all over my living room floor and just shut up?"

I did not speak my peace. Because I have manners. (to a degree)

and you don't need to be fancy to come around here. Are you kidding me? Nothing fancy here by no means, but gee whiz........

Jerry and the boys could see how steamed I was. It's been piling up for a long time.

When they left, I told Jerry and the boys that I have had it and they agreed.

I swear I am going to start locking the doors around here.

I have to find a way to take control of the situation. I am not sure how. I have to find a way.

And oh, by they way, you are welcome to come for a visit.

:

 

[shane]

SOOOOOORRY MARTY DID I CALL TO YOUR HOUSE TOO, HAHAHAHA :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[jdomep]

You are not the only one. I was raised with manners and my husband and I expect NO less from our boys! They are wild rammy little guys but they are polite and I always find it funny when people tell me how polite and well behaved they are. They will say how their child's other friends don't act like that etc. Makes me proud

They know if a child comes over here to play that does not respect us or our rules he will not be coming over again - and they boys will not be going over to their house either. I remember MJ had a little boy over once who jumped on my couch - went into MY bedroom - tried to get MJ to break my rules- and helped himself to my food (I expect my guys to always ask for snacks). Well Tyler isn't allowed here again. I can only hope that I can teach our boys how to pick appropriate friends now so perhaps it will continue later (wishful thinking I am sure but I try LOL)

You are more tolerable than I will be. You are such a great mom and I think these kids want to be around you

Your like a big magnet

: I hope you have a good day.

 

[justanothercowgirl]

Geez Marty, I hope that isn't Vic(Justaboutgeese) you are talking about?? :new_shocked: :new_shocked: Ok, you know I am totally kidding!! Vic please forgive me I couldn't resist. Seriously Marty you have got to put your foot down, you make the rules for what happens in your home, no questions asked!!

:

 

[Marty]

I would kick their silly a_$$es out the door and never let then in again.. untill they grow up to respect..

 


These are not young kids. They are young married people and two others that are 20.

 

 


They would not hurt a flea and give you the shirt off thier backs and their last dime if they had one. And it's not about accents or southern slang, heaven knows you should hear me sometimes! I have some whoppers of my own.

 


What am I supposed to do, teach them how to act in someone's house?

 


Give them a crash course in Martha Stewart?

 


That would be the pot calling the kettle black I'm afraid. Like I said, "ain't nothing fancy around here"

 


They would not understand why I would be upset over this and I don't want to hurt their feelings but I don't know how to explain things to them.

 


They are nice people, good people that just do not have a clue what is decent behavior.


They were never taught and practically raised themselves.


They honestly do not know any better.

 


How do I handle that?

 


For example: When one was having a birthday and I was told that his mother never made him a cake and he never had a birthday cake in his life. I asked his new wife if she was going to get/bake him a cake and she said "no, I don't have no cake" so I made him one and we got him a couple of little modest gifts. He did not act happy or glad as I thought he would, and I did not get a thank you or anything. I alteast thought he would be surprised or happy about it. And it's not about "getting thanks" either. But there was nothing like "I am surprised" or "this is nice" or anything. Just ate the cake and left on his merry way.

 


At Christmas I asked when they were getting their tree.


They didn't care about getting a tree, they had never had one more than a couple of times so it didn't matter to them. When I suggested we go get a tree, they didn't understand why???

 


By the way, these are not any kind of po fok. It's not that.

 

[Sunny]

They would not understand why I would be upset over this and I don't want to hurt their feelings but I don't know how to explain things to them.

Well, Marty, since no one else ever bothered to teach these young people any manners, and the lack thereof clearly upsets you, then I guess it's up to you to teach them! Or.... don't let them in your house! That big ol' loving heart of yours is so kind to them, but at your own expense. You DON'T have to feed them just because they're there at suppertime. You CAN tell them to get off your furniture and be quiet while you're watching your show. It's YOUR house, YOUR rules, and if they don't like it, they can go elsewhere. I know in a million years you would never shut anyone out, so you'll just have to tell them like you told us. Print up a set of house rules if you have to.

Our Alexis has some friends who are really lacking in basic manners, too. We always expect them to say please and thank you, etc. when they're here, and I can see that sometimes they're annoyed with us. Like I care. However, we don't have to tell them nearly as often as we used to, and yes we don't like having to be the ones to teach other people's kids their manners, but I won't have any insolent slobs in my house!! People often comment on how well behaved and well mannered Alexis is, and that makes us very happy. I don't think it's too much to ask for kids to have manners. Mind you, as is the case with your visitors, many of the parents that ought to be teaching their kids don't have a clue themselves!!!! :no:

Having said all that, I still rather like Mary Lou's suggestion:

I would kick their silly a_$$es out the door and never let then in again.. untill they grow up to respect..

:aktion033: :aktion033: :aktion033:

 

[Miniv]

Sorry Marty, but you are being TOO NICE.

You gave us all some wonderful responses to some cave-man type behavior......

NOW SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND.

It's either that, or expect it to continue forever..... People like that need cold water dropped on them or they just don't "GIT IT".

We've been in a similar situation too...... Eventually the person just went over the top and broke that camel's back -- as the saying goes -- and it was not a pretty sight.

MA

 

[SunQuest]

Humm... This is tough. I

would definately lock the doors. The first few times they will get the hint and not just walk in as they would know the doors are locked and they have to knock. As for the hat at the table, well, if they are going to eat there with you, have one of your boys wear a hat to the table. Then yell at your son to remove his hat as that is ill-mannered at the table! Of course your son would know that it is all an act and that you really aren't yelling at him! The feet on the couch thing? Do the same! Have one of your sons do this and then yell at your son for not having better manners. Same with the ignoring you and lack of thank you's and what not. I guess what I am saying is to teach them through example. Of course you wouldn't do all of this stuff in one visit as they would then know that you are mimicking them. Little at a time. Hopefully they will pick up on it when you yell at one of your sons and figure out that respect is needed. Make sure to use the lines "What is the world coming to? and You are lucky you didn't grow up with my parents as they would have kicked my rear end from here to eternity for doing these things as it makes you look very uneducated!" LOL.

It just may work as horses can learn by watching others!

:

:

 

[Marty]

OK I'm going to start tonite by locking the doors so they will have to knock. And then I'll talk to them about knocking on the door. That's a start. Geesh.

 

[Sterling]

Print out your top original post there and hand it to them when they come over. Make them sit on the porch to read the whole thing, have them sign it and abide by the rules or ....."THERE'S THE DOOR".

 

[KrisP]

Ya know Marty I've been wondering where my patience has gone, obviously you got it, cause if it were me that they were doing this to I'd boot their ARSES out the door! You're NOT their mama, they all have/had their own mama's and it was THEIR job to teach them, not yours !!

As I've said before, I DON'T have kids, anyone want to ask why? :bgrin :bgrin :bgrin

KRisp

 

[Robin1]

Dear Marty, You are too nice. I know not everyone likes Dr.PHil but this is a good one. I am going to quote Dr.Phil here, " poeple treat you the way you let them."

Robin

 

[Marty]

I'm sorry for the venting.

I think it began because I have washed my slip covers twice now since Sunday night and I am just trying to get the oil stink out of them. Made a special trip to town for GAIN which helps. Had to run them through the washer twice. They are very hard to get on and off so I developed an attitude today.

Trust me, Miss Manners we are not, non of us, but there's a limit huh? even for us, and my floors already need cleaning every day anyhow but oil all over your clothes and you just park it on the couch???

And then laying bodily on my couch, I'm not talking about just putting your feet up. I'm talking the full monty on the couch so that no one else can sit on it too. I know it's old but all we have at the moment and it really smells oily now. I'm still working on it and finally making headway. I love Fabreeze but it doesn't have much staying power but it's helping a lot.

I'm probably just going through not feeling very appreciated today. I must have just gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today. Sorry!

Thanks for the ideas and understanding.

The doors are locked and I will speak to them about some of these things one at a time and try to make them understand a little bit. I can't be mean though to them though, but I really don't like getting caught in my nighty.......just ask Geese.

:

 

[Miniv]

Marty,

Please....just SPEAK UP. I'm sure they are very sweet young people, but even some very nice folks need a 2x4 swung at their heads.....Believe me, I speak from YEARS of experience.

I remember a nice phone conversation we've had in the past......need another one????

:

:

MA

 

[Horse Hugs]

Marty,

Why don't you type up a list of "rules of the house" and give one to anyone who needs it. Have them read it and then ask them if they have any questions. Some people need everything spelled out for them.

Weekends should be a time for you and your family to relax together so maybe you should put on your list of rules that you do not allow company on Sunday and then you could at least have one day of peace.

Sandy

 

[Happy Valley]

Some people just don't know any better. Really, they don't, and you aren't going to change a lifetime of behaviors, Marty. You have a wonderful huge heart, and you just need to get on their terms and say this is the way things are here, even though they should be adults and mature about they way they act.

Good luck and hope you sleep well.

Stacye

 

[rabbitsfizz]

Krispy, Marty obviously has my patience as well, I must have wandered off (too impatient) when it was being handed out, and Marty took it till I came back!!

Marty you have to stand up for yourself, this is NOT fair, not to you, not to your family.

Maybe, since they visit so often, give them one rule per visit that they have to obey and work up to all of them at once.

BUT I would stop the dirty clothes in the house and the lying on the couch, dead in it's tracks.

These are not your kids, yet they have become dependant on you.

You obviously provide something they want, so make them work for it.

And if they eat at your place on a regular basis they should be contributing to the budget!!

 

[KrisP]

You know we're here for you to vent Marty, but honestly you're NOThelping them or yourself by letting this behaviour continue. All you're doing is allowing them to think this IS proper behaviour and giving yourself an ulcer.

Now, if it were me I'd have a talk with them and start it with "Now, ya'all know that I love ya to death, BUT this is NOT how we do things around here", seriously, you might be suprised how quickly they respond and how quickly that pain in your gut disappears :bgrin :new_shocked: .

And if that doesn't work then OUT THE DOOR THEY GO!!!!!!!!

krisp

 

[Marty]

They didn't show up last night for dinner but I'm ready for them.

I'm armed and ready.

I told Jerry that I plan on stopping them right at the door and push them right back out the doorway and tell them we are going to have a little practice in knocking. Then a greeting such as "hello" followed by stinky smelly hat removal and wipe your feet practice. This should go over like a lead balloon. I'll let you know how it goes. If it goes well, we'll move on to other things like "please flush the toilet" !!!!!!!!!!!!

One small step for mankind, one huge leap for me! :aktion033:

 

[Triggy&Blue&Daisy Too]

Frustrating as it is either you accept someone for how they are or you don't--plain as that. If you want a relationship with them then you have to take them as they are because no one ever changes anyone especially if they feel they don't need any changing as these folks seem. If they are not your kind of folks don't get so involved with them but complaining about it behind their backs is fruitless.