# Prayers please



## hobbyhorse23 (Dec 20, 2008)

Spyder hasn't eaten since Wednesday morning for reasons unknown. He still wants the hay he can't chew, dry senior feed he can't swallow without choking, grass there isn't any of under the snow and treats on and off, but he won't touch the beet pulp/hay pellets/senior feed soup that keeps him alive. He seemed to be doing fine despite virtually no water intake (he gets all his liquid through his food) and the vet who saw him this morning said everything seemed normal but he took a turn for the worse this afternoon and I actually called her out again put him down. The vet was deeply reluctant to do it since he seemed perfectly comfortable to her (I think his organs are shutting down) and I let her convinced me to tube him with electrolytes and mineral oil to buy him a couple more days to turn around and for us to get the bloodwork results. I work for the next three days and had been planning to sleep at the hospital due to the snow so this is killing me. Please pray that he either starts eating or for me to have the strength to do what I have to do. I feel like I failed him tonight. I should have let him pass while he was still pain-free and full of dignity even if it felt terrible to put down a "healthy" horse. After three days of being off all his oral meds his itching and GI problems are rapidly becoming severe.

Leia (whose eyes are so bloodshot from crying she can barely see)

P.S.- I beg you, please do me one favor and don't tell me "he's had a long life." I know he has but my grief is over my loss, not his. He's perfectly calm about the idea of making his transition.


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## Sterling (Dec 20, 2008)

Ohhh...my heart is breaking for you....I am so sorry. Lots of prayers for you and your beautiful old boy for peace and calm.


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## FoRebel (Dec 20, 2008)

Lots of thoughts and prayers are with you!


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## REO (Dec 20, 2008)

Oh Leia






Even though we know that the greatest show of love we can give them is letting them go, it does NOT make it any easier. I DO know how hard it is and I send you prayers for strength and {{{Hugs}}}

I think you are right in your gut instincts.





But please don't second guess yourself. You know that what happens and when it happens is the right thing at the right time.

My heart and thoughts are with you. I'm here if you need me. I'm so sorry!


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## Jill (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia, keeping you and Spyderman in my thoughts and prayers!


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## susanne (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia,

I know you have the strength to make the right decision, but nonetheless, I hope Spyder eases your mind and makes very clear what he wants and needs.

We're snowbound, so I'll be here if you need to talk.

susanne


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## Charlene (Dec 20, 2008)

oh leia, i'm so sorry. i've been in your shoes and it is gut-wrenching. go with your head and do what you think is right. your heart will heal in time.


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## JourneysEnd (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia,

I totally understand what you're feeling. So sorry you're having to go through this.

You haven't "failed" him, you're trying to do the right thing.

Hang in there, we'll pray for both of you.





Vickie


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## Sonya (Dec 20, 2008)

I'm so sorry about Spyder...sending prayers! Hang in there.


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## Shortpig (Dec 20, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear this Leia. After we have spent so many years with our chosen friends and companions the hardest part is saying goodbye. You will do what is right for Spyder when the time is right. All your friends will be here to give you comfort. Time together doesn't really matter as love is endless and not set in time. Spyder will let you know when the time is right and even a vet won't be able to convince you otherwise. I will be thinking of you and your pain and even though I know no one can take it away we are here for you when you need us the most.


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## Maxi'sMinis (Dec 20, 2008)

Prayers your big ole boy starts eating for you. Sending strength to you to help you deal with this. You sound so level headed and a real trooper for your boy. Still hoping everything turns out to be ok. You and Spyder will be in my thoughts.


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## hobbyhorse23 (Dec 20, 2008)

Shortpig said:


> Spyder will let you know when the time is right and even a vet won't be able to convince you otherwise.


He did, and I did let a vet convince me otherwise.



Now he's had to make it through an 11 degree night and will probably go in the below zero (unheard of around here!) windchill and the nasty storm due later today. I should have let him go when it was sunny and beautiful and everything was calm. It was WRONG of me to wait until he "tells me" by being in pain when he told me just fine beforehand. I'm not beating myself up, but it was wrong. I hope he forgives me.

Leia


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## Irish Hills Farm (Dec 20, 2008)

I'm so sorry you have to go through this and I'm sure your boy will not hold it against you for deciding to listen to the vet. He knows you love him.


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## Crabby-Chicken (Dec 20, 2008)

I am so sorry.

I know Kody and Spyder are your kids. You did what the vet wanted you to do. Hold off a little while. That is all you can do. Again, I am sorry.


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## Margo_C-T (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia,

I've not been to the Forum since Thurs. night; am SO sorry to read what you and your dear old man are going through.

I agree with your feelings, and COMPLETELY empathize, but I've also learned that it does NO good to look back; we all do things and make decisions we later wish we'd done differently.

Who are you to listen to except your vet, in matters of your horses' health? You did what any of us would almost surely have done--and it is no crime to want to have hope!

I am holding you and Spyder in my heart and prayers; what is meant to happen will...as others have said, he knows you love him.

My heart is with you,

Margo


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## nootka (Dec 20, 2008)

You know I will send every ounce of positive energy for you...you are doing all that you can.

Liz


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## Equuisize (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia,

I am thinking of you and Spyder.......

Do what you feel is right, when it is right.

Spyder holds you in his heart as

deeply as you hold him in yours.....

I was there, as you know, a few years ago

with my old Archer's, and I know all to well

where your heart and mind is right now.

Take care, Spyder loves you and so do we.


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 20, 2008)

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know very well how you are feeling



.


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## hobbyhorse23 (Dec 20, 2008)

Margo_C-T said:


> Who are you to listen to except your vet, in matters of your horses' health?


Myself. I KNEW what the right thing to do was, and I let fear of someone else's judgment stop me from doing it.



Margo_C-T said:


> it is no crime to want to have hope!


I wish I did. It's not that I'm giving up, it's that I really feel this isn't an illness or something we can "make better." He's just shutting down. He's calm about it, I'm calm about it (grieving, but calm,) it's only everyone else that feels the need to fight it. I guess I don't want this to turn into a battle. He's got the rare ability to pass with calm grace in his own time and completely free of pain or fear, feeling no terror or exhaustion or urge to cling to his body, and I don't want to take that away from him because I'M not ready to let go. And frankly while it's a shock to lose him, he and I have been at peace with this idea for awhile. We had our time in the sun and a glorious long run together, we've simply been enjoying this lingering retirement as a gift.

Of course what do I know? The vet just called and said his bloodwork is completely clean with no sign of dehydration or anything wrong at all.



For all I know I'm going to get home from work and find he's changed his mind and is making a pig of himself!

*sigh*

Thanks for all the nice words guys, I really am not ignoring them to be negative. They mean a lot to me.

Leia


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## susanne (Dec 20, 2008)

Hey Leia...just checking in again...

You and Spyder have been in my thoughts constantly since I first read your post. Now, reading your follow-up, I have to say that Spyder would never feel there is anything that needs to be forgiven. For most of your time together he has been your protector, so I imagine the only thing bothering him is your guilt and worry.

Keith asked me to send his thoughts as well.

Take care,

susanne and keith


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## Minimor (Dec 20, 2008)

I'm sorry to read about this--and I can totally sympathize with how you are feeling.

Since all the bloodwork is clean, perhaps he will turn around? Is his temperature normal too? Any chance he has "just" some virus that has put him off his feed? We've had a virus go through here (couple years ago) where the horses went off feed for 3 days or so--they'd sometimes nibble hay but absolutely refuse all grain--they'd be somewhat depressed but otherwise there was no sign of illness. Then all of a sudden they'd start eating again...

The gelding I lost last spring to acute liver failure, however, stopped eating--he acted like he wanted to eat but couldn't--and he dropped a huge amount of weight in just a couple days. He was wasting away before our eyes. Our vet didn't quibble over putting him down when I asked her to--he was so obviously failing.

I hope for your sake that if Spyder doesn't turn around and start eating again, that you do still have time to help him pass on before he does actually suffer.


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## Equuisize (Dec 20, 2008)

[quote For all I know I'm going to get home from work and find he's changed his mind and is making a pig of himself!

I hope that's exactly what you find tonight, Leia.

Be safe on the drive home........snow is already here nar the coast and coming

your direction.


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## Taylor Jo (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia, just read your post about Spyderman. I'll pray for you and him. )))))HUGS(((((( TJ


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## LindaL (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia....I understand just how hard this is on you...and I am sending you my thoughts and prayers.

Let me tell you a little story tho...about "waiting"...A little over a year ago, my MinPin was basically paralyzed from his Degenerative Disk Disease. I took him to the vet and they basically said (without saying it) that his prognosis was poor, but said they would give him time to see if the steroids helped (they suggested surgery, which I refused). In my heart, I felt like I should have made the decision to let him go...he was a senior dog with a non-curable disease. The next day, he was "trying" to get up when he saw me....and the day after that, he was up and moving around...a little wobbly, but moving! Today...he acts like he never had an episode...and I am soooo glad I have more time with him!

(BTW, I asked Bonnie to tell Gunner to give me a "sign" when HE is ready to go...and I will KNOW then that it is time).

So....dont give up...yet


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## SilverDollar (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia, I'm so sorry to hear about Spyderman. I have three senior horses here myself (full-size, not minis) and my mantra is "one day at a time". I thought the other night was it for my 29 year old, but Rhett is doing okay (he has some sort of neuropathy in his hind end). I know the day is coming and pray for the wisdom to know exactly when; I can totally relate to your current situation. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you both and keeping you in my prayers.

Rebecca


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## CyndiM (Dec 20, 2008)

((((HUGS)))) I will keep you and Spyderman in my thoughts and prayers.


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## StarRidgeAcres (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia,

I'm so sorry. You are both in my prayers.


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## Barbie (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia-

Hoping for a good update when you get home. Like someone said, maybe he has a virus of some sort. I know when I came home from the Sunshine Classic my weanling filly went off her food. Slight fever, would not touch her grain. She would eat some hay. It took her a good week before she would eat her normal diet - had to take the beet pulp out of it totally for a few days to get her to eat grain.

The very best of luck for you with Spyderman - what a tough time for both of you. I've never had to make a final decision regarding one of my horses, thank God, but have done it many, many times with my Persians during the time I bred and showed them, nevermind the subsequent years when they have just been my pets. It's never easy.

Barbie


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## CZP1 (Dec 20, 2008)

I can relate to what you are going through. I had an appaloosa mare (big horse) a few years ago. She suffered 5 days with a head injury and though we wanted to put her down when she had the accident (flipped over while being lunged at trainers, by the trainer) it was a terrible, the vet (not my regular vet, one on call) convinced me to give her time. It was sad to see her suffer as she wasn't eating and couldn't see, so we took her to our regular vet and he helped us through the emotional process. She was only 9. I miss her very much.

Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack the thread, but my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Chris

edited, fixed wording


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## Shari (Dec 20, 2008)

I am soooo sorry Leia. <<HUGS>> my advise... is call in a different Vet! You remember what my family went through not that long ago.

You will both be in my thoughts and Prayers!!


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## loveminis (Dec 20, 2008)

I really feel for you. Go with your gut feeling and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I have used Bonnie before to help me with our dogs when it was time, and she is amazing.


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## tnovak (Dec 20, 2008)

Prayers for you and Spyderman......I lost a horse back in the ancient years (1989), I know the heartbreak.


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## BannerBrat (Dec 20, 2008)

[SIZE=12pt]Leia,[/SIZE]

So sorry to hear about Spyder. You will both be in my thoughts.


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## Ferrah (Dec 20, 2008)

I am so sorry...y ou are both in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Ferin (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia, I am terribly sorry for what you are going through! You and Spyderman will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Leeana (Dec 20, 2008)

Oh Leia, i am so so sorry and i wish the best to you, i am so sorry


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## BigDogs & LittleHorses (Dec 20, 2008)

Hi Leia,

I'm SO very sorry to hear about Spyderman's troubles right now. He is such a magnificent and beautiful guy, very stunning and noble even in his old age.

And your bond and dedication to him is remarkable. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through right now. But I know you will do what is best for him, because that's what you have been doing every day that you have been with him.

I hope somehow things turn around and he rallys back to health.

HUGS, big time.





Daryl


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## mydaddysjag (Dec 20, 2008)

Wishing you and your special boy the best for you both.


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## ErikaS. (Dec 20, 2008)

Leia, my heart breaks for you. It's just not fair that we humans so often outlive our fur-buddies and that we have to watch them grow old so quickly. I'm just hoping he'll turn around and start eating like nothing happened. Critters love to do that: scare the bejesus out of you and then act like, "what were you so worked up about?" I'm crossing my fingers.


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## MinisOutWest (Dec 20, 2008)

my tears, my thoughts and my heart is there for you and Spyderman. Hang in there, its a tough time right now, but it will work out for the best in the end for both of you, no matter what happens.


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## basshorse (Dec 21, 2008)

Prayers and thoughts for you and your beloved Spyderman. Hugs, Becky


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## eagles ring farm (Dec 21, 2008)

prayers for Spyderman and you , you'll be in my thoughts


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## Kathy2m (Dec 21, 2008)

Keeping you in my prayers, Kathy


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## Marylou (Dec 21, 2008)




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## AppyLover2 (Dec 21, 2008)

I'm really late reading about your big boy but wanted to add my best wishes for you both. Hind sight can be a painful thing to have to live with if we let it. Hope to hear a good update on his condition today.


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## DrivinTime (Dec 21, 2008)

Sending prayers, good thoughts, and hugs...


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## shelly (Dec 21, 2008)

You and Spyderman are in my thoughts and prayers{{{HUGS}}}

Shelly


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## Valerie (Dec 21, 2008)

Hey Leia,

Sorry, I just got to read your post today, so sorry to hear about Spyderman........... and I know the weather we are having up here is just making it more

stressful for you right now. Please know my thoughts are with you at this time.


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## whitney (Dec 22, 2008)

Leia

Make a mush of complete pellets and warm water. Take a wormer tube the big kind and cut the tip off and take a hot nail and burn the hole bigger (not too big) . You can suck up the mush and feed him that way. I did this with my 36 year old mare 2-3 times per day, I fed her as much as she usually ate. She finally started eating the mush on her own.


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## nootka (Dec 22, 2008)

Update us when you can....?

I left a msg on your cell, but understand that you are busy and stressed.

My thoughts are with you both continuously.

Liz


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## Shortpig (Dec 22, 2008)

Hope all is well we are all hoping it ends well for you and anxiously awaiting an update.


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## hobbyhorse23 (Dec 22, 2008)

Amy let me know you all were worrying so here I am. I haven't updated because I still don't know which way this is going and didn't want to say one thing only to have to turn around and take it back.



I haven't been home since a brief trip Saturday night (you wouldn't BELIEVE the weather up here!) but my parents are sending me text messages and telling me Spyder is eating. He's still not enthusiastic about it or eating very much, but apparently he's eating. When I saw him on Saturday that aura of peace and acceptance was gone and all he could do was glare at me so for all I know he wanted to die and I thwarted him and now he's mad at me. I have no clue what's going on.

I'll update you again after I've been home. Assuming I don't get stuck in a ditch somewhere, that should be late tonight. He's still alive for now, the question is does he want to be?

Leia

P.S.- I did get your voicemail Liz and it meant a lot to me, as did the text messages from other friends. (You know who you are.) To be honest I didn't have time to call you until that evening and then I forgot! Mea culpa


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## BannerBrat (Dec 22, 2008)

[SIZE=12pt]I hope he continues to eat & get better.



Take care of yourself.[/SIZE]


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 22, 2008)

Any chance it was a new bag of senior or beet pulp? My old riding mare was very unhappy with her senior at one point, it had way more molasses on it than it usually did. She likes things to be "just so".

Also, I apologize, I know nothing about your big boy. . . does he choke on water or something? I was just wondering why he only gets water through food. Please don't get angry, it's obvious that you take very good care of your horses from your posts, I was just honestly curious.

I've had to help 3 oldies pass on and each time it was a little different, and it was a rough, rough choice, so I really do know where you are coming from.


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## nootka (Dec 22, 2008)

I am glad he's doing better, and hope this was only one of those little glitches all horses seem to get now and then, but our oldsters seem especially prone to (worrying us terribly).

Keep us posted when you can, and I will assume the best.

Liz


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## dreaminmini (Dec 23, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems with Spyderman. I'm sending prayers and best wishes to you both. I know it is very hard to be in this position and we never want to see them pass. Tho I agree with the other person who posted that maybe it just isn't his time as you agreed to wait and now he is eating. Maybe he just had a little virus or something else was bothering him. You will really know when it's time and you won't be dissuaded.


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## wildoak (Dec 23, 2008)

Leia, having just been through this with my 30 yr old girl a month ago, I very much sympathize with you. I hope he turns around and gives you years more companionship but I also know, as you do, the reality of our relationship with older horses/pets. Don't beat yourself up over your decision, what's meant to be will be.

Jan


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## crponies (Dec 24, 2008)

How is your boy today?


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## hobbyhorse23 (Dec 24, 2008)

Sorry guys, I've been trying to post an update for two days and the computer keeps eating it! :arg! Spyder is doing better and taking four small meals a day but still not consuming as much in 24 hours as he normally does in one meal. I don't know if it's the addition of some of Kody's tasty grain to tempt his appetite, my mom's tender loving care while I was gone, or he simply "got better" but he started eating Saturday. He still wasn't himself when I got home Monday night but Tuesday morning he finally nickered at me and really wanted his food. We still have to hold it for him and stay with him in order to get him to clean it up but he's eating and his gut seems to have fired up again okay after all that time empty. We'll see how he does and if he makes a full recovery or continues to require coaxing after the freeze breaks (someday).



Reijel's Mom said:


> Also, I apologize, I know nothing about your big boy. . . does he choke on water or something? I was just wondering why he only gets water through food. Please don't get angry, it's obvious that you take very good care of your horses from your posts, I was just honestly curious.


No no, no offense taken! It's an obvious question.



He has no teeth left so he can't eat hay anymore and lives on a mix of senior feed, beet pulp and hay pellets. Shortly after moving to that diet he choked twice in a week and both times the vet was surprised to see that it was the senior feed itself he was choking on, not a wad of hay. We were instructed to mix a LOT of water into his mush so it would slide down his throat easily and ever since we started doing that he's stopped taking drinks from his tub almost entirely. We figure he gets so much moisture from the food he simply doesn't feel thirsty!





Mom got him to eat by using MUCH less water than I do in the feed and I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't compound things by choking. Meanwhile, he's gone back to taking nice long regular drinks out of the water trough so that's sort of reassuring to see. At least I know he's thirsty!

Leia


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## Taylor Jo (Dec 24, 2008)

Leia, I'm glad you hear your boy is doing better. That's a good Christmas present. I pray for him to contiue to heal and get better. TJ


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## targetsmom (Dec 24, 2008)

Oh, Leia, I haven't been paying attention, so I just now saw this. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with Spyderman, but glad to hear he is doing better. I will pray for you both, and hope you have a stress-free Christmas.

Mary


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## Brandi* (Dec 27, 2008)

Just thinking of your boy and wondering how he is doing. I sure hope he is still improving


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## Rebecca (Dec 27, 2008)

Been following this post but haven't posted anything, Leia, glad to hear he's doing a little bit better. Hope he continues to feel better. (((Hugs)))


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