# I am in shock,



## MeadowRidge Farm (Apr 29, 2008)

This is going to be so hard for me to type this, I just feel so numb and cant quit crying. My brother who I was very close to has lived with my hubby and myself since he got out of high school. Sunday afternoon, he was sitting in the recliner, and said his stomach hurted him, I said to him go and lay down for awhile and never thought anymore about it. he stayed sitting in the recliner, and that evening we watched a movie, about 9:30-10:00pm, he said he was going to bed. The following morning my hubby heard a humming sound and got up.that was about 6:30am, it was my brothers alarm clock, my hubby went in and told him to get up, shook him..he was gone, hubby got me up and said something is wrong with Lance (he was afraid to say he was dead) I went running into his room..and he was gone. He just turned 54 yrs old, was single, and the only life he knew was with us. The coroner said she was 99% sure it was a massive heart attack, he never suffered, his hair wasnt out of place and he looked so peaceful sleeping, but I am having the hardest time with this. I cant quit crying and everything just reminds me of him. The whole house is just so empty without him here, even tho I have my hubby, who is my rock of strength thru this. The funeral isnt till Fri and Sat..I dont know how I am going to get thru all of this. Any words of encouragement from those that have lost someone close to them? I know everyone has told me its the prefect way to go ..but its just so hard.

Corinne


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## eagles ring farm (Apr 29, 2008)

Having unfortunately lost too many people close to me

you will take comfort in the near future that at least he

didn't suffer and that he had no chance to worry about

those he left behind.

Having lost a husband in this same manner 16 years ago

although his massive heart attack was at the dr's office

and I remember the nurse telling me sorry he passed so

quick he had no last words to say.

I love the thought he didn't have any time to worry

about me and our son being without him. I didn't need

last words, there were plenty of words for 21 years to

last.

It will get easier and hopfully soon you'll find a peaceful smile

when you think of him.

So sorry for your unexpected sad loss of someone you are

so close with

Hope you are at peace with your loss soon.


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## RJRMINIS (Apr 29, 2008)

I am soooo very sorry for your loss Corinne.....My Prayers are with you and your family in this difficult time.


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## SilverDollar (Apr 29, 2008)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Regardless of how our loved ones leave this world it's never easy on those of us left behind. May you find comfort in your memories and the strength to face each day. Just take one day at a time.


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## nootka (Apr 29, 2008)

I haven't quite experienced what you have, but hope you can find some peace in this shock and grief you are experiencing. I am so sorry....I wish something I could say could ease your pain.

Liz


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## Chico (Apr 29, 2008)

Corinne,

I'm so sorry for your loss and the heartache your experiencing. My husbands brother passed awhile back and it helped us deal with our sadness to bring him with us in our thoughts. When my husband went for a ride or we did something fun as a family we thought of him and included him. I've heard that our loved ones are with us as long as we think of them. Some days we all could feel his presence. It helped deal with our sadness. We also named our special P.J. boy after him. =-) He would have loved being named after a little a**. =-) He loved animals desperately. Cherish your brother in your thoughts and find some daily way of making him a presence in your life. I can't spend time with P.J. and not think of John and smile.

Hugs,

chico


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## laughingllama75 (Apr 30, 2008)

Corinne,

I am truly sorry for your loss.....I know how empty you feel. I lost my 31 year old cousin (who was raised as my brother) in january....same thing happened. His wife got up in the night, and he was gone, looked like he was sleeping. Massive heart attack......and as sad as we all are, I do find it comforting he had no pain. If you need to talk, I am here. hang in there, hugs to you..........


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## FlatCreekFarm (Apr 30, 2008)

Oh, Corinne



So sorry to hear about your brother. We lost my husband's sister a few weeks ago, quite suddenly, and it's still so hard to imagine that she is gone.

Please know that lots of ((((hugs)))) and love are coming your way



You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Charley (Apr 30, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Bassett (Apr 30, 2008)

Oh Corinne how sad.



I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.


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## Jill (Apr 30, 2008)

Corinne --

I am so sad and sorry to read your post! Deepest condolences to you and your family.

Jill


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## lvponies (Apr 30, 2008)

Corinne......I am so very sorry!!! Please know that your forum family will be here for you anytime you need us.



{{{HUGS}}}


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## AppyLover2 (Apr 30, 2008)

Corrine I'm sorry for your loss. Although it's hard to lose someone so unexpectedly (my brother died the same way) it's so much easier on all concerned than to watch them suffer and know there's nothing you can do to help. Please think of the love you shared and you'll keep him near you that way. The next days and weeks will be difficult but you'll get through them one step at a time.


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## backwoodsnanny (Apr 30, 2008)

Corrine I am so sorry to read your sad news. I lost my sister almost the same way with a stroke very suddenly and the only way to continue is to just continue. I know that sounds much simpler than it really is but its true one foot in front of the other one minute at a time. Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time and in the days to come.


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## CrescentMinis (Apr 30, 2008)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## minie812 (Apr 30, 2008)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. There are no words right now I know of to comfort you with such a sudden loss. All I can do is pray for you and hope that things will get better for you with time. You truely were "your brothers keeper". AMEN


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## Sonya (Apr 30, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## FoRebel (Apr 30, 2008)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother...



HUGS to you and your family.


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## Laura (Apr 30, 2008)

I'm so sorry Corrine


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## Crabby-Chicken (Apr 30, 2008)

Oh I am so very sorry.it sounds like you both were so close and won't regret not having spent time together. That isn't always the case. It is so hard to be the one left behind. I am sorry.


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## bfogg (Apr 30, 2008)

I am very sorry for your loss. Wish I had magic words to ease your pain.

Hugs

Bonnie


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## Marty (Apr 30, 2008)

I'm sorry Corrinne. Such a shock. There will be that empty hole, that empty place, that just hurts so bad.

You can't see it now but for your brother to leave you in this way is such a help to you. No ambulances, no hospitals, no emergency rooms or surgerys. Once you stop reeling, you will understand that in that way, you were blessed. I know it doesn't help right now, but it will come to you later on. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. Go slow. Just one day at a time. You know you can call me anytime my friend.


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## Sterling (Apr 30, 2008)

Oh I am so very sorry!!!! Keeping you and your family in my prayers.


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## Equuisize (Apr 30, 2008)

I believe his final gift to you, as your loving brother, was to leave

with no fanfare.... He left the world without lingering illness, quickly

and without pain.. In reality you can't wish more for him, even

while you desparately wish him still with you. He will live forever

in the memories of your heart. Wishing you peace in the coming days.


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## Sue S (Apr 30, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother, my heart and prayers go out to your family.


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## Miniv (Apr 30, 2008)

Marty said:


> There will be that empty hole, that empty place, that just hurts so bad.



Marty described the feeling very well.......... but she knows it intimately. Yes, I know it well too.......I've lost my brother and like you, we were very close. Like others have said, I wish there were magic words and answers. Mother Nature often gives you an emotional numbness......Don't fight it. It's your protection right now. Let your husband and others be your support while you need it most.......Crying is good........Talking about him is good. And you know what? Talking TO him is good. He WILL hear you. There are no "rules" for grief.

Bless you.


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## Field-of-Dreams (Apr 30, 2008)

Marty said:


> I'm sorry Corrinne. Such a shock. There will be that empty hole, that empty place, that just hurts so bad.
> 
> You can't see it now but for your brother to leave you in this way is such a help to you. No ambulances, no hospitals, no emergency rooms or surgerys. Once you stop reeling, you will understand that in that way, you were blessed. I know it doesn't help right now, but it will come to you later on. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. Go slow. Just one day at a time. You know you can call me anytime my friend.


My condolences on your loss....

Marty is right-on the money. I lost my father to a heart attack. He felt unwell all weekend and then Monday we couldn't wake him up. The paramedics couldn't revive him. But knowing Daddy, he wouldn't have wanted to be hooked up to machines. So in a way, it was a blessing.

It's been 14 years.... I still miss him very, very much.

Lucy


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## Charlene (Apr 30, 2008)

i'm so sorry for your loss. baby steps, one day at a time is all you can do. grief is such a personal thing and you will find ways to cope.

for me, when gary died, i looked at it this way...if one of us had to leave, i am glad i was the one left behind because i would not want him to have to feel this profound sadness. when i think i can't put one foot in front of the other one more time, i think oh yes i can, i will do it FOR HIM.

in time, you will be able to remember the good things. it's a slow process so have patience with yourself and most of all, be kind to yourself. look for signs from your brother. i promise you, he will let you know he is doing just fine.

you will be in my prayers.


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## Magic (Apr 30, 2008)

I'm so very sorry for your loss.






When my Mom died last summer, it was a huge shock and absolutely devastating. Some days I do ok and some days, well, not so good.



Right now all the reminders for the upcoming Mother's Day are reallly difficult for me. All you can do is grieve in your own way, and take it one day at a time. {{{hugs}}}


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## Valerie (Apr 30, 2008)

Corinne,

I am so sorry for your loss, please know my thoughts are with you and your husband at this most

difficult time.

Valerie


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Apr 30, 2008)

Thank you all for your very kind words. I am really trying hard to get thru this. I keep telling myself that I have to do this one last thing for my only brother. The house just seems so empty without him, he was such a joker and prankster, and couldnt sit still for a minute, he ALWAYS was helping me. Monday is the very first time I had to go out and feed my own horses ..he always had all the morning feeding and watering done. I am trying to take baby steps thru this, and talk to him like he is here with me. Thank you so much my forum family for everything (((hugs))) Corinne


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## Reijel's Mom (Apr 30, 2008)

Sounds like he was a really good brother. That is a special relationship! I'm so very sorry for your loss.


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## REO (Apr 30, 2008)

{{{{{Corinne}}}}} I'm so very sorry!


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## CyndiM (Apr 30, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. ((((HUGS)))) I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.


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## carlenehorse (Apr 30, 2008)

Corrine I am so sorry for your lost. I lost my brother about 8 years ago and I know what you are feeling.

I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Carlene


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## Mona (Apr 30, 2008)

Oh Corinne, I am soooo very sorry for your loss. (((((HUGS)))))


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## hobbyhorse23 (May 1, 2008)

There are no words to express my heartache for you. *hugs*

Leia


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## RobinRTrueJoy (May 1, 2008)

Corrine,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am deeply sorry.

I have never lost a sibling or husband.

My Dad lived with us and he passed away on New Years, and I know what you mean about the house being empty.

Corrine, try to find peace in the fact that your brother went to bed and fell asleep and then went to Heaven.

For myself, I think that would be the best thing really. I hope that I go that way, and would wish it for someone I love.No worries about what will happen to others when I am gone. My father in law passed away in his sleep , he went to take a nap. He was a good good person, and had a "good death"

I wish we could all go that way instead of being in the hospital etc.

But... I know its just not fair, is it?, he was too young, there was no warning. It will hurt for a long while. My wish for you is that someday you will smile at his memory, instead of cry.

Take care of yourself, be good to yourself. You were good to him.

Hugs,

Robin


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## jacks'thunder (May 1, 2008)

Oh Corinne... please know you and your family are in my prayers... I'm truely sorry for your loss.

Leya


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## Witts Mini Horse Ranch (May 1, 2008)

I can truly feel you pain........I lost my sister the same way. She was only 41 years old, she was my best friend in the whole wide world. This was 6 years ago, and I still miss her everyday. We had a special bond all of our lives, went thru everything together. Always told each other we loved each other b4 hanging up the phone. I would give anything to have her back, I thought I would never be able to get thru life with out her........but as someone else said....it's one day at a time. I remember looking around and seeing people go through life as every thing was normal and thinking my life would never be normal again. I didn't care if the bills where paid......the house was a pit........the pain was so painful I just couldn't think of nothing else. Give yourself time to grieve...and then look around you and find something that brings you peace. For me it's is sitting with my horses listening to them munch on hay. I wish I had some wise words that would ease your pain. Reading your post reminded me of how much I miss my sis, I have stopped crying but my heart still hurts.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family


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## Shari (May 1, 2008)

I am so sorry he passed away. Is very hard when family dies.

But it was good he had loving family around him.

We lost my husband's father a few years ago of cancer and it was a horrible long painful death the boys had to deal with watching him die.,, and his mother only a couple of months ago but she just said she was tired, went to bed and never woke up. Peaceful death is much easier than the other.

<HUGS>


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## Basketmiss (May 1, 2008)

So sorry to hear of your loss.

It sounds like you all were very close so it hurts more..

Cry anytime you feel like it, its good to get it out..

Here some ((HUGS))) for you all.

Missy


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## MyLilShowGirl (May 1, 2008)

I feel your pain...I lost my dad on my 13th birthday(4 years ago) and it was really rough on me.

Some people may say "you will get over it"...I sure heard that a lot... but you won't...you will just learn to live with it. Just know he is in a better place now...

I will be praying and thinking of you to find strength and a sense of peace during this hard time.


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## ~Dan (May 1, 2008)

im sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for you




my prayers are with you (((hugs))) hope your feelin better


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## Reble (May 1, 2008)

So sorry Corrine, too too young...

This year, I have had three of our neighbours in the last month all from 53 - 58 have passed away or sick with not too long to live...

Thinking of you in your time of need


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## midnight star stables (May 2, 2008)

I am SO sorry. That is very scarey


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## Tami (May 2, 2008)

Oh Corrine I am so, so sorry.


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## Bunnylady (May 3, 2008)

Ce, just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Sanny (May 4, 2008)

I'm so very sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I lost my sister far too young and totally unexpectedly and it was very hard.....she had a stroke and did live for a couple of days on a respirator but had so much brain damage and swelling that she didn't make it and I didn't get there in time to see her before she died which I will always regret. We were in the midst of a bad snowstorm, she was four hours away and we needed to arrange for someone to watch our house and care for our animals and all along I thought she was going to be ok and didn't realize the life or death urgency. I'm so sorry about your brother but you are lucky he went peacefully. I'd have rather have had my sister not suffer like she did.

I also lost an aunt and uncle a few weeks ago and my uncle was diagnosed a year ago with cancer and suffered terribly and toward the end he was just a shell of his former self. It was very hard and very sad to see him go through that and him knowing eventually he was going to die, no matter what, was hard for him to deal with and he spent so much time worrying about his family and wanting to tie up loose ends and wrap his life up. That was so hard on his family.

My aunt - was always lively and energetic and a week after my uncle's funeral, she went to bed and never woke up. They think it was a massive heart attack for her, dying very peacefully and quickly and with no suffering and in many ways it was so much easier for her family, especially her children.

Don't know if sharing any of that is any help at all, but I do know what you are going through.

Nothing makes it any better either and there isn't much anyone can say that will help. I'm the sort that prefers to deal with it quietly and by myself so for me, being alone or spending time with the horses help a lot, spending time alone with them or just talking to them about it all. Time passes and the pain isn't as intense but it will always be there and it will still hurt and no matter what you are changed forever. Try to keep all the good memories close and keep yourself busy this week.

I know with my sister, by the time we had her funeral myself and my three brothers had already gone through a lot of grief and sadness privately and at the funeral we got to the point were we were bringing up a lot of old funny memories of our sister and I am sure people thought we were totally inapropriate because we were whispering and snickering and giggling together and not acting our ages at all. It was the closest I've ever felt to my brothers and even to my sister and it really helped us get through her funeral.

In the middle of the funeral my oldest brother whispered to the rest of us "just think, eventually there will be just one of us left sitting here" and I looked down the pew at them and said "well, since I'm the youngest, odds are it will be me" and we all looked at each other and almost lost it. It doesn't sound very funny now but for some reason it was hilarious to us at that time. I guess humor helped us get through the funeral and those first few weeks after, but that probably wouldn't work for everybody.

In a way, her death helped get us involved in miniature horses, because that year I was recovering from surgery to fuse two vertebra in my neck with donor bone and titanium hardware and had been told I shouldn't ride horses anymore and my sister died February 4th and at the end of February we went to a mini horse and pony sale and I was still really down and I think part of us buying a mini at that sale had to do with my husband feeling sorry for me dealing with my sisters death andbecause I couldn't ride anymore and I was talking about getting out of having horses entirely and then we heard about mini horses and all that they could do and my husband bought us that first one at that sale and the rest is history.


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## The Simple Life Farm (May 6, 2008)

I am truely sorry to hear of your loss. Sorry... no great words of wisdom. When I lost my mother, only "time" could be my friend.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (May 9, 2008)

Thank you again, to everyone who continues to email me. I am getting thru this one day at a time, and it is getting better. It is just a big void I will have the rest of my life. But, now that I have come to grips a little bit with everything, I am relieved he went fast and in his sleep. He would not of wanted to be in a nursing home, or any other problem which could of happened. I always believed in prayer, but the power of prayer was so strong, I know that is what got me thru this past week. All I have in some wonderful memories, that will never fade away. Thank you forum family for the emails and cards. You'll never know how much I appreciated all of it. Corinne


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