# Relationships



## Mini Horse Lover (May 11, 2010)

Hey everyone!

Who isn't sick of relationship woes? I swear it's this weather here. Been raining and never stopping to have the sun shine! Well as most of you know I attended the University of Minnesota Crookston for Equine Science. I dropped out, didn't like the staff or program. Well I met a guy there that I thought was amazing. I left the other boyfriend of 2 years to take a chance with him.

Well parents told me to live with him. Now I'm living on food stamps and a dead end cashier job to keep my life together somewhat. I know my parents are teaching me a valuable lesson and it's working! I've grown up in a hurry! Well living with him has proved difficult. We fight and doesn't want me buying my miniature horses and others. It's really frustrating. I'm trying to buy a miniature stallion now and he's saying we need it for something else. Well I have everything I need. I have had my eye on this stallion for a long time.

Well we don't stop fighting. He got in trouble last year for drugs that wasn't entirely his fault. Well I have been a drug addict in the past. I'm over it and an adult now. Well he still thinks he can't live without it. He says, "Oh I won't smoke all the time. Just once in awhile." Doubt it as he was high all the time when we first met. And now he's on 90 days home monitoring and 5 years probation. But I won't leave him because I have the perfect place for my miniatures. Heated barn with all the amenities to board and train at. It's what I've been dreaming of to have my horses in. I can't leave this place. It may be in North Dakota but this barn is for the horses. It's almost like staying together for the kids. Even though we don't have any.

He was so sweet when we first met. Text and called, facebook, and everything! Drove hours to see me all the time because he was outta school before I was. And my parents love him to death. Now he tells me to shut up and stop talking because he's thinking. Or hits me if I play hit him first. Says that girls should be hit if they hit you first. And sorry to talk about sex but it's like a chore for him. I'm on antibiotics for an ear infection and it decreases birth control. And we bought other protection and I have to ASK him to have sex! Is that even possible for men? Otherwise he sits there and plays video games or computer. It's like I'm not good enough. It's like he doesn't even enjoy it. That's why I haven't been on the forum in a long time. Tough times.

So I ask my best friends on here,

What do I do? I'm scared for the horses. And I just got over a 2 year relationship. And this new guy and I have been together for only 3 months. I don't want to already break up with him because that's exactly what the ex is looking forward to as we are NOT on good terms in any way, shape, or form.

Please guys. I'm stressed all the time and have gained 40 pounds in 2 months. It's not healthy. It's hurting me.

Thanks for the help.

Kasey


----------



## MyBarakah (May 12, 2010)

Hi Kasey,

I haven't been posting for quite a while.. but after reading your post... GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are you doing living with a person like that.. You already know the answer... he's NO good.

Why do you think you have to have a man in your life... You can do JUST FINE on your own!! You DO NOT need a boyfriend or guy in your life to survive!!

You need to get on your own, live your own life and get your life on track before ever adding another person into your life.. You are YOUNG and have the WHOLE world infront of you!!! Why let a messed up male side track you from reaching your goals in life!!

What are your goals?? What is the direction you are wanting to go with your life???????????????

I would be moving back home... get your life in order... and stay away from the men until you have things back on track...

I wish you the best of luck!


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 12, 2010)

I do have a lot of issues. I'm just not all there. I have depression, anxiety, and other issues. Been on pills for years. One minute it's good with us and the next it's not. I don't get it! I know that horses are horses but I do love them and want whats best. They love it here.

I want to raise miniature horses like everyone on here and be the best I can be.

Kasey


----------



## Katiean (May 12, 2010)

My ex was a drug addict. When he got in trouble he would put his stuff in my purse so he wouldn't get caught with it. I did not do drugs so he figured he would not get in more trouble if it was found on me. All they would have to do is test and they would have known. Anyway, he NEVER hit me for any reason. You do not want to be with someone that hits. After I left I ended up in Las Vegas. I was engaged to this guy that I thought was the best thing ever. I found out the only way this man could have, well, relations is if he was watching a porn flick. One night he did some really bad things to me and I was so glad we never got married. If he is this way now, things will only get worse. Find some place for your horses and get out. To go and buy another horse at this point would be a mistake. You will again find the stud of your dreams. But only if you are alive to do it.


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 12, 2010)

He wants to get married and all this. And I just don't get it. I guess I am scared of the ex because he's going to be like I told you so. He always calls me rude names and other hurtful things. Ugh I'm just so stressed out. He's one of those that you can't convince and thinks that you don't have to do something right away. I will admit that I'm a spoiled brat and love my way. So I do demand him of things but he's a pig! I'm always cleaning up after him!


----------



## krissy3 (May 12, 2010)

Mini Horse Lover said:


> He wants to get married and all this. And I just don't get it. I guess I am scared of the ex because he's going to be like I told you so. He always calls me rude names and other hurtful things. Ugh I'm just so stressed out. He's one of those that you can't convince and thinks that you don't have to do something right away. I will admit that I'm a spoiled brat and love my way. So I do demand him of things but he's a pig! I'm always cleaning up after him!



I understand that the horses are holding your life together , and the barn , and your great care for them is probably the only thing that IS working for you , and that you have some sort of control over. It is not easy to walk away, especially if you have animals. You can move kids with you anywhere , but animals not. if your not ready to let go of the animals yet , then i would save your money, and start networking. Find a serious person that is older that maybe needs your help on her farm, in exchange you can have your horses there. I think you will need your horses as a support, and to give you strength and peace. People will tell you that you can come live with them , but from my expierence it is just kind words for that moment , and they dont really want you to take them up on it. So stay where you are, bite your toungue, and try to keep the place as peaceful as possible, read a few books that put you in a better frame of mind, meditation, or relationship books , whatever you feel like. Meet people , ask people if they are serious about helping you and your horses. Once you have things lined up for you and your horses , you wont have a second doubt about leaving. I think a lot of people dont realize how hard it is to leave, when you are alone and have horses, and dont have mom and dads visa to help out.

good luck to you, and keep us posted on your decisions,

Kristen

BTW... almost all men need to be cared for in some way or another that you will hate. Peeing on the toilet seat, leaving undies on the floor, dishes left on coffee tables, that part usually doesnt change, a lot of men are not good communicaters, either. take the next month to come up with a list of the things that you like about this man , and your relationship, and the things you dont, then from the things you dont like , write down why, how it makes you feel , and how it could be different, and how it would change you if it were different. Then talk to this man about your feelings, but be careful NOT to accuse him of making you miserible ( i do that all the time , and its not fair) tell him why you are hurting, and maybe he will want to make some comprimises. No relationship is easy, if people tell you they have a perfect relationship they are not being 100% honest,it may just be "perfect "at the moment. Being single is not easy either, there are always money issues as a single person, however they can do whatever they want , provided they have the money to do it. So take it slow , and do a lot of thinking. The grass isnt always greener. If you dont like that he hits you , dont him him, if he continuest to hit you , well then you need to address that very seriously with him, but you do have to take accountability for some of your relationship problems too.


----------



## stormy (May 12, 2010)

For me the answer would be very simple. If he hits you, if he ever has hit you get out. If he is verbally abusing you get out! No horse, barn, house or any thing is worth allowing your self worth to be destroyed.


----------



## loveminis (May 12, 2010)

Being scared is normal but GET OUT NOW ! Sounds like you made a big mistake and he is going to take you down.


----------



## LindaL (May 12, 2010)

Besides the obvious, which is this guy is BAD NEWS in every shape and form and you do NOT need to be with someone who belittles you, hits you (and justifies it!) and is on drugs...One of the 1st things you said was that you were on food stamps and at a low paying job...and you want to buy another horse??????????????????????????????????????????

"I don't get it"


----------



## Sonya (May 12, 2010)

Ok...many things stick out to me here and you are not going to like my response....like Linda said...if you are on food stamps and struggling financially, the horses need to go...plain and simple. And if you are both hitting each other...you need to leave, not later, but *now*! You need to go back home to your parents and get your life together. You can get horses later, better horses when you are more secure financially and emotionaly. Why do you care so much what the ex-boyfriend thinks? He has nothing to do with your life anymore. If you don't make some serious changes very quickly, your life is going to be ruined very early, this relationship is extremely unhealthy. No one likes to run home to the parents after being out on their own, but if your parents knew what was going on, they would probably drive up there and drag you home. Please get out of there and go home before you get yourself seriously hurt or killed...no one should be hitting anyone.


----------



## Matt73 (May 12, 2010)

Don't think about it. Don't worry what your ex thinks. Get OUT! NOW!

This will only get much worse. Also, by asking for sex, you are just putting more power in his hands. He does not value you; there is no discussion to be had. Men that treat women (and other men) like this have a very serious negative self image; they are insecure and severely flawed. This manifests into verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse. I was in an abusive relationship with a guy in my early twenties and he only got one chance (the first smack and I was outta there); he was also a charming guy (turned out he was not only doing copious amounts of cocaine behind my back, but was a dealer, too



....ahhhh, the innocence of youth).


----------



## Mellis815 (May 12, 2010)

Wow..what a messed up situation.

First and foremost you need to worry about yourself, not anything else but getting yourself out of there. Period. If he scares you or attempts to hit you, call the cops on him if you have to, trust me if he has hit you once, he will hit you again, and if you keep making excuses that "oh I hit him first" yadda yadda...then you are being mind controlled by him and need to get OUT! Especially BEFORE you end up pregneant!!!! You don't need kids in this!

Second, get rid of your horses, all of them!!!! Don't use the excuse of "well, he has a barn" who gives a Crap if he has a barn!!! If you are on food stamps and working a dead end job, why do you even have them. Can you really care for them like you need to be doing?? Sell them, take that money and put it as a down payment on an Appt. Perhaps you can do an agreement with someone that when you get back on your feet, they will let you buy them back. Until then, you need to let them go. If the lady that is selling you the staillion had any inclination that you would not be able to properly care for your horses, she probably won't sell him to you anyway, at least I wouldn't.

The main point, this isn't about horses, him, a place to live a job....it's about YOUR SAFETY!!!

I agree not all relationships are perfect, trust me, me and my husband get into spats as well, however, he has never, ever, ever, ever, ever hit me or attempted to hit me. If he EVER tried to hit me...I would rent a wood chipper and he would disappear...period.

GET OUT AND QUIT MAKING EXCUSES!!!! (we're all here supporting you!)


----------



## Hosscrazy (May 12, 2010)

What if your best friend suddenly came to you and told you this was happening to her...what would your advice be to her? I'm sure you would tell her to get out now, and you would probably even help her pack and move, right?

You need to treat yourself as you would treat your best friend.

Liz R.


----------



## hunterridgefarm (May 12, 2010)

I have to agree with everyone on here. I am sure if you did not want to go back and live with your parents there is some type of a shelter you could go to that he could not find you.

You must have some money if you have horses and are able to take care of them. If you do then why are you getting food stamps???????????? I do understand that u have to eat as well. But your saftey has to come first. No there is no easy way out but when he hits you I would call 911. Then you have your way out.

You also said that you have only been dating and living with him 3 months. what was so good that made you leave your ex for him why didnt you take the time to get to know him. I would not do that.

Why should YOu have to ASK FOR SEX.... I have never asked my husband that he the same goes for him..

I think that there is more to this story then you are telling. IMO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE WHAT I HAVE SAID BUT I CANT HELP THAT. YOU NEED TO LET GO OF THE HORSES TILL YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN 2 FEET. IF YOU NEED HELP FROM THE STATE THAT YOU LIVE IN THEN YOU DONT NEED THEM. I JUST DONT GET IT....

IF I WAS OUT ASKING FOR THE STATE FOR HELP ON MY FOOD THEN I WOULD NOT HAVE THE HORSES. YOU NEED TO SELL THEN AND GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE.


----------



## Tab (May 12, 2010)

I hope for the best for you! My heart goes out to all people and their struggles! I would have two challenges for you. Leave the relationship and then get to know yourself extremely well. To the point where you enjoy your own company and like being alone. Then don't get into another relationship until you are at the point where you absolutely know yourself.

At that point you make standards for yourself. Meaning, don't rush into sex. Guys want what they cannot have! They will pursue and win you over as long as you aren't giving them what they don't deserve until marriage. Only if it's meant to be and they treat you what you are truly worth! They will follow you to the ends of the earth if they are really into you.

This is very outspoken of me, and this is advice a Grandmother would give you, but I am extremely old fashioned. God loves you. You are amazing and you are worth MUCH more.

Luke 12:6-7

6Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Don't expect anything less.


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 12, 2010)

Thank you guys for the support!

I am on food stamps and work the dead end job. But we also live in his parent's house and everything is free. So I do have money to buy the horse. He's not all the expensive at all. And parents have offered for me to come back home. But I don't want to seem like a failure to them. And yes I guess I should stop thinking about what the ex thinks. That's why he's an ex.

I just sometimes feel so helpless. I do want to get a hold of someone to help get back on my feet and realize who I am again. I used to be strong, determined, and had dreams. Now when we fight I can't yell at him because he tells me not to and that it doesn't work on him. I want to just write down everything and then tell him how it makes me feel. He's never had a relationship before so I guess I do give him leeway but still. There are some things that should be common sense!

And is it bad that I had a dream about my ex that we were together again and dumped the guy I'm with now? I told the guy I'm with and he's mad now. But at least I'm being honest!

The guy I'm with now is named David

The ex is named Josh

Kasey


----------



## hunterridgefarm (May 12, 2010)

Kasey

I dont think that your parents would think that you a failure. Do they have a clue to what is going on with you?

i wish you the best of luck.

you need to get out of there. also dont make excuses for him


----------



## FoRebel (May 12, 2010)

Kasey, I've been there, done that, bought that t-shirt with my ex. darn near same situation minus the horses and living with his parents. I was stupid enough to marry him and ended up pregnant. My ex told me to end the pregnancy and when I refused, he put his foot through our bathroom door! My son was born at 26 weeks due to an infection I had. When my son(Robbie) was born my ex and I were still married but separated... He told me when Robbie was born that I should just "let him die!" He never cared at all. My ex threatened me numerous times, was very verbally and emotionally abusive! I put up with him as long as I did because I was pregnant. The last straw for me was when he threatened Robbie!

My point here is, the guy you're with right now - David - is abusive! GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE NOW! Do it before he threatens to kill you, your horses or you get pregnant and he threatens your child. No horse - I know how much you love your horses - barn, or anything else is worth staying with him. Move home. Your parents aren't going to see you as a failure, they're going to see that you're adult enough to know you made a mistake and need their help to straighten things out. If you are staying with David because your ex is going to tell you "told you so", DON'T! Who he heck cares what your ex thinks?!! Your life is more valuable than what anyone thinks of you!!!

All I have to say is SELL THE HORSES, GET OUT OF THERE NOW AND MOVE HOME! Get your life straightened out... you DO NOT need a man!


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 12, 2010)

I don't want to end up pregnant. Like just this morning we went to mail a package we sold on ebay and he says "Oh I didn't bring any money." When he said he had! I told him "Don't look at me! You said you were sending it." And he got all bent out of shape cause it costs 2.24 to send the package and he had to use his debit card. It was so stupid. Then he says I never do anything.

I really do miss my parents.


----------



## loveminis (May 12, 2010)

_C'mon girl !! _ Stand up, be strong again, and get the heck out.


----------



## REO (May 12, 2010)

Your forum family cares about you!






All those that are telling you to get out of that mess, please listen. I mean, calm your mind, and slowly re-read everything they said. Think about each line. Re-read what you've said and allow yourself to feel what it all makes you feel inside.

Now some words from me. Said with love so I hope you stop and think about each thing I say.

You say your parents love him? How can they when they don't know what's he's really like and how nastily he's treating you? How do you think they'll feel if they knew?

Your parents won't think you're a failure for coming home! But they would be hurt if they knew you were using that as a flimsy excuse for staying with him and being treated like that! THEY love you! He doesn't, or he would NOT treat you that way!

Think back on all the hurts he has caused you and how they made you feel. Is that the way you want to live your life? The life you want for yourself? He's not all of a sudden going to change and it all be sweet and happy.

Why do you think you don't deserve to be happy? Why else would you think that that abusive life is all you deserve?

YOU can be in charge of your happiness, your life. If you stay there he is going to keep hammering you down until there's nothing left. There is "jail" where you are told what to do, have no choices, are battered down and abused. Or there is FREEDOM! Where life and happiness are waiting!

NOTHING is worth his destroying your self esteem. You have your whole life ahead of you! How can you grow and become the person you want to be when he's tearing you down to his miserable existance?

I see 3 "reasons"

#1. Your parents. Read what I said above!

#2. What your ex thinks. Really, is staying in a bad place worth "proving" something to him? No!

#3. Free board for your horses. No, not worth it!

I wish you a happy life!


----------



## Shortpig (May 12, 2010)

I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Abusive people don't get better they get worse. However, here I am going to say very clearly. STOP hitting him. I don't care if it is even a slap. No one has a right to hit another person. That includes women. Some people are actually prewired to hit back no questions asked. You need to move out of that place and if that requires you to sell your horses that's what you have to do. Either that or find a way you can board them and work that off by cleaning stalls and whatever they need you to do. Been there done that myself. The money I earned at the time went to support my daughter so to keep the horses I loved I worked for a barn owner and had great friends who gave me their hay fields. I found a way to get thru it. By the way it taught me I didn't need a man to survive and have been alone now for about 10yrs and love it.

If your parents have offered to move you back in go for it. They want you safe and that is very important to a parent, believe me been there also.

Women are very strong people and can make it on their own without men. It is a blessing if you can find a partner to share your life with but friends can be even better for the support people need.

I wish you the very best in your decision but in the end you are the only one who can make choices for you.


----------



## HGFarm (May 12, 2010)

I only have two words!!!1 GET OUT!!

And dont waste any time doing it! Go home!! You have learned a lesson and in this life you dont have to prove anything to anyone at all.... YOU need to be in a safe and happy environment and this one is dragging you through the mud!!

Why do you think you need to be treated this way? Why do you tolerate it? Do you think you do not deserve better? Well, you do!! Pack up your stuff and just leave. You dont owe him or anyone else an explaination other than "I'm not happy and I'm done"


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 12, 2010)

Thank you so much guys!

I love you all and feel so supported! You're all right. Free board and money is NOT worth it. He just doesn't show affection and other loving gestures which is what I'm used to with the old boyfriend. And I know I will find my stud again. I really miss my old life with my parents.

My mom just called me today and it made me miss her so much. She wants me to take the dog and he means so much to me. I showed that dog and got him all kinds of titles. And boyfriend won't let me have him! It's so frustrating and I've never really had a family. My parents are wonderful but have the old style of raising and reprimanding. Which is okay but we've never really said I love you or been close. So it does scare me. Plus I don't have a car here to pack up my stuff and go home. It's only his car here because my car is in Minnesota.

Ugh not fun!

Kasey


----------



## FoRebel (May 13, 2010)

Kasey - CALL YOUR MOM and tell her what's going on! I bet you anything that her and your dad will come and help you move home! I'm going to be point blank here, STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR NOT GETTING OUT OF THERE AND PROTECTING YOURSELF! Call your mom asap!


----------



## krissy3 (May 13, 2010)

I have to ask you ... how willing are your parents to help you ? Willing enough to come pick you up , once you have placed your horses in a safe place. If you leave it is possible that your boyfriend will take his frustration out on YOUR horses because you are not there. The horses had nothing to do with this mess so it wouldnt be fair to make them stick around for the aftermath, you know what I mean? I think you need to stay there till the animals are place in safe homes, then if you really want to go , pack up and walk out, take the dog with you if you want.



But please dont leave those horses behind in his care. I supported you staying because I had a RANT on my husband a while back and the forum got out of hand and told me he would start abusing me .. It was out of line , and my husband is NOT that kind of a person. We have our trubles , sure , like everyone else married to a strong man... we are both stubborn and want things our way, and I dont like to change.

So if the things that you stated are really true , like the drugs, you will never be able to get past that without him getting help, its not your problem. However the hitting ..I read that you are hitting him in play fights and he hits you back... Hitting is unacceptable , from a man or a woman to another person or animal, so both of you need to address that issue.

I see that there is still a lot of growing for both of you to do , either together or alone. I am going through some major growing pains STILL at 41 years old. I married a Swiss man from the Alps... this is not a fun project, woman are submissive here, the culture is different then San Francisco where I am from. On the otherhand he pays for things..like everything except my horse stuff, but all horse medicle bills and my phone , and everything else, car insurance, everything , its the culture..... so, I had to really think about growing up in this relationship. I am not allowed to get the house dirty, the swiss are compulsive cleaners , that means no shavings or hay or dirt allowed in the house, let me tell you that is a major pain in the A** for me... and I run his hotel , its a lot of work, but the trade off is good , when I think about the good old days of freedom , and bills , and never enough money. All I am saying in a round about way , is , relationships are hard, and you will always have to grow and change and accept things you dont like. You have to decide if the drugs ( and I think thats an important issue) is worth dealing with. I would say NO, but thats your decision to make. I support you in what ever you decide to do.... from across the pond. Its easy to say " girl walk out " when the shoes are not yours... Life is rough, I am sorry you are walking this path. But there are other directions for you when you are ready. But please put those precious ponys in safer hands first, that is YOUR responsibility. Just give them to someone for a TEMP loan until you can pick them up and re pay for the costs of housing them.

good luck and god bless

K


----------



## CharlesFamily (May 13, 2010)

I only have one thing to add to this - this is NOT how a man treats a woman he loves. He is telling you in every way possible that he does not value you as a person. I don't know you, but anyone who puts the care of her horses above herself has got to be an amazing person. You deserve better and you are entitled to better.

There are changes and hard times in everyone's life. In my early 20's I had built up a very nice herd of minis that I was breeding, training and showing. I was very successful and loved everything about it. But my husband and I could do that because being newly married and out of college and just starting our careers, we were living with my parents. We knew we wanted a place of our own, but couldn't afford a house with acreage right away, so I had to make some tough choices. I found wonderful show homes for my horses, sold them and my husband and I bought our first house and started our family.

Now, 15 years later, our children are older and we are established in our jobs and we were able to buy the place we wanted with a barn and acreage and I am again able to have my horses with me.

What I am trying to say is that life is about tough choices and timing. You have to trust that this just isn't the right time for you to be trying to start the horse herd of your dreams. Find a good home for your horses, move back home and get your life in order. Put YOU first. Think long-term and not short-term. It may seem like it will be forever for you to reach your dreams, but trust me, the time will pass in the blink of an eye.

I just know that I would be heartbroken if either of my daughters were ever in this siutation and I pray they never have to make the tough choices you have to make now. But as a mother, I want you to know I would drive to the ends of the earth to save my daughter from the life you are describing. Call your mom. Make the arrangements you need and go home and start over. It's not too late!

Good luck and we'll be praying for you!

Barbara


----------



## Marty (May 13, 2010)

If you were my child, I'd come get you in a heart beat.

Tell your mother the truth, and that you need her help to come home.

She will be very happy to do it.

There's no place like home.

Just do it.


----------



## disneyhorse (May 13, 2010)

A relationship with ANYONE (be it a friend or a significant other) should ENHANCE your life. It should make your life BETTER. If it's not, get out.

You need to get out by any means possible.

Good luck to you,

Andrea


----------



## txminipinto (May 13, 2010)

I agree with everyone else 100%. You said you want to raise miniatures and be the best that you can be just like everyone else. Honey, you can't be the best if you are in abusive relationship, depending on someone else for shelter (and for your horses), on food stamps, and not taking care of yourself first! You sound very very young so I am urging you to call YOUR MOMMA and get out of there. You are on a path right now that will ruin your life and you will never achieve your dream.

Those of us who have achieved our dreams did the following things first:

1) stayed true to ourselves

2) got an education in something

3) got a job that would eventually support our dream

4) got our own place (not rent, own)

5) got our own transportation

6) and then when we were financially stable, did we take on the dream of horses.

NO WHERE did I mention needing someone else to help that dream come true. You don't need him. All he's going to do is hurt you or get you pregnant. And once that happens, if you stay on this course, your life will go into a tail spin. GET OUT NOW.

You only get one life. Make it the best it can be and get the most out of it every single day.


----------



## Sue_C. (May 13, 2010)

I AM WOMAN...HEAR ME ROAR...!


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 13, 2010)

Thanks for all the help guys!

I know it's bad to put my horses before myself. And I found a place for them down the road in a much nicer barn and it's a secure facility. The guy is only charging me $100 a month for all my minis. And I do miss my mother and want to go home to her. They are not big horse people my family that is. They don't like animals. Hence why they are giving me the dog.

David just left for work. Didn't even say goodbye or anything. The only thing I need him for anymore is the car. Last night I sat him down and just told him straight what's been going on. He looked freaked out that I stood up to him! I told him he needs to get off his high horse and be a man and not a boy. He was shocked.

I want to own my own place. I guess I'm just scared of failure and relationship woes.

Kasey


----------



## loveminis (May 13, 2010)

Well... aren't you scared to stay with him ? If you get your own place or move home maybe you should stay single for awhile and concentrate on your horses and yourself - and your relationship with your parents.


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 13, 2010)

I am not necessarily scared but just frustrated and fed up. I'm sick of men and their games.

Kasey


----------



## krissy3 (May 13, 2010)

If you got the horses out of there ..then whats keeping you..pack up and walk out, get a cab, call a friend, ask your boss or manager for help if you dont have a friend to help you. I suggest you do this while he isnt there (pack your things)

I am real glad your horses are safe...now lets get you safe



there is a great book called " In the Meantime" ... its writen for people going through exactly what your going through, it may be a comfort to you while you are clearing men out of your life for a while. You just need a good long break from men for a while.


----------



## Katiean (May 13, 2010)

I discovered real fast that if you are comparing your current with an ex, there are big problems with the current boy friend. Since your horses are out then you get out. I left when no one was home. It makes it so much easier. That way you do not fight about "oh, that is my jacket (even though it doesn't fit him and he bought it for you)". No confrontation that way. My brother came and got me out of a really bad relationship that as soon as the guy left the house my brother pulled up with and we threw it all in a trailer and left fast.


----------



## StarRidgeAcres (May 13, 2010)

disneyhorse said:


> A relationship with ANYONE (be it a friend or a significant other) should ENHANCE your life. It should make your life BETTER. If it's not, get out.
> 
> You need to get out by any means possible.
> 
> ...



I second Andrea's thoughts. Period.


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 13, 2010)

Thanks guys! Well I don't have a car but my mother said she's willing to come get me on June 7th because they are moving to Brainerd and says they will have room to bring all my stuff and me home. She said for now she's going to pay for me to stay at a friends house here in town.

Yey!


----------



## Sue_C. (May 13, 2010)

Mothers almost always come through!!!

I hope you are out of there already.


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 14, 2010)

I am! I told him I need time alone and didn't tell him where I was going. I just left when he was at work today! Ah it feels great!


----------



## krissy3 (May 14, 2010)

Congradulations!!! take a nice hot bath, a hot cup of Vervine or Camomile tea, and sleep well tonight! I admire your strength, its not easy to ask parents to help you sometimes ( depending on parents) Good for you , I think you have an exciting and wonderful path ahead of you.


----------



## REO (May 14, 2010)

AWESOME! AWESOME!!!

I'm doing the happy dance!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Steer it where YOU want it to go!


----------



## Sue_C. (May 14, 2010)

Another thing...if and when he calls you begging for forgiveness, promising to change, blah-blah-blah...THINK ABOUT IT!!! Then hang-up, close the door, and walk away...


----------



## sfmini (May 14, 2010)

Ditto what Sue C said.

Also, don't go running into another relationship for a good, long time. You need to heal from this experience and have your head on straight.

Now is the time to think about your goals and how to achieve them. Like college. Think about getting a degree, then you can get a better paying job and have the life you want without depending on someone else. That will allow you to enter a new relationship for the right reasons, not because that person has something you need, like housing, food, money, horse barn.....

Explore why you dove out of a 2 year relationship headlong into this one.

Are you about to say you can't afford college? That is bull. Talk to your parents, maybe they can at least provide your housing and food, work a job and go to college part time. Look into scholarships, student loans, etc.

I am very glad you got out, now stay out!!


----------



## Barbie (May 14, 2010)

Glad you got out. Now stay strong and stay out. Go with your mom when she comes in June and get on with the rest of your life.

Barbie


----------



## miniwhinny (May 14, 2010)

Also as some have suggested take time to find yourself. It's not a bad idea to hook up with a good therapist (I did a lot of psych in college) You mentioned your family was never very "lovey" and you've been attracted to men who are not healthy for you. You are very strong...you've proved that today...too many women in bad relationships use excuses like "i can't leave because of the kids etc" as an excuse because THEY are too weak to leave or they don't have enough self esteem to believe they can make it alone. Obviously you're stronger than that




.

I wish you all the best life has to offer - you deserve it


----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 14, 2010)

Thank you so much guys! I plan on taking it one step at a time now. There is a guest house at this barn my horses are at and that's where I'm at right now. It's super nice and the people understand. I realized a lot here. I was weak and made excuses. Parents said we can still keep the horses because she knows that they keep me holding on. I've seen many therapists but I stopped for awhile and now I plan to again.


----------



## AshleyNicole (May 14, 2010)

I am so glad you left…. I can understand why your worried about the horses though. I have had times in my life when the only time I really felt happy was when I was with my dogs or horses. It would be almost impossible to give them up so I am so glad that you are getting to keep them. For now while you wait for your mom stay away from him if you can…I hope he doesn’t show up at your work but hopefully you have the support where you are at to get through that if it comes up. You defiantly have it here



It will only get better from now on


----------



## Sue_C. (May 14, 2010)




----------



## Mini Horse Lover (May 14, 2010)

I just love the horses to death! I can't live with out him. I finally got my dream horses and herd established. It's what I have always wanted. And even though my parents are not horsey people they still are not mad. They understand. And my managers at work do know of the situation and are going to be looking out for him. They are understaffed as it is. They don't want to lose a good employee!


----------

