# Neverending Saga: Would you like to use the bathroom?



## Marty (Jul 31, 2009)

After suffering 15 years in this house of horrors, yours truly, Lily Munster Mistress of this quirky manor on the mountain is getting the bathroom remodeled! I am so excited I can’t stand it.

This house was built sometime after dinosaurs ruled the earth, or before, not quite sure which it was. The term “fixer upper” doesn’t even begin to touch it. It’s more like let’s just use explosives first, and then fix whatever is left. Heaven knows over the years we have tried to remodel one room at a time, but something always seemed to come up to keep us from staying on task like having to work and pay bills.

Because the economic problem is hitting our tile and hardwood business like a ton of bricks, we’ve had a few contractor cancellations. Although that’s not good for the bills, that is great for getting the time and materials to remodel the bathroom from H E double hockey sticks. Seems nearly everything we need to attack this bathroom eyesore is sitting in our store and it’s already paid for. We have plywood, drywall, backer board and endless boxes of tile coming out our ears.

Everything in that bathroom is beyond cootie-ness. This is the kind of room that no matter how hard and often I scrub with every disinfectant known to man it never looks nice and clean and it just gives you the creeps to be in there. It’s the kind of bathroom that when someone comes to visit, you hope they are wearing Depends and will have no reason to enter the twilight zone at the end of the hall. We would have been much safer all these years using an out house and a hose. Even Amy, our illustrious German Shepherd contributed to the downfall and final demise of this potty room by digging and tearing the barff vinyl flooring in many directions. Yes, parts of the vinyl flooring have been held together with duck tape now for two years which I attempted to cover up with miscellaneous throw rugs.

I’ve been concerned for years that the majorly cracked, droopy ceiling is going to come crashing down on one of us during a very inopportune time. Imagine sitting in a bathroom and when glancing up at the ceiling, it’s making a special movement of its very own. Now that’s scary, but not as scary as feeling the floor shifting under your feet as you brush your teeth. And why does that floor feel so squishy? I shudder to think of what we are going to find under there. Makes a person feel like he’s in a fun house at the amusement park. All that lacks is the mirror that distorts your body, which in fact was on the back of the bathroom door which we had already disposed of years ago when I said “No way is that body mine,” and let’s leave it at that.

The back wall of the bathroom is the back of Dan’s bedroom closet and ever since he was a little kid, he complained about strange voices coming from there during the night. I’m not nearly as worried about finding termites and assorted cooties in the walls as I am dead Indians. The shower unit has been the biggest eye sore and thorn in my side more than anything else in this house. This one piece fiberglass puke blue combination tub and shower has embedded iron and other mysterious stains that have been there since the Confederate Army duked it out in Chattanooga and fled to these mountains. Although I’m tempted to put an outboard engine on it and see if it will float on the lake, it will be such joy to bring it to the dump and turn it loose and see if it can travel on its own accord. I’m sure someone will probably appreciate its unique, fine character and bring it home to use for a whimsical flower bed or maybe a casket for a bad relative.

Everything in that room is being torn down which means the ceiling, the subfloors, and the 50’s paneling that I have painted over a hundred times by now. Even Richie Cunningham and the Fonze would appreciate seeing this stuff go up in flames I’m sure. The giant linen closet which we tore down yesterday will be turned into a separate shower which will be tiled. As Hus ripped the walls apart, I stood back locked and loaded with ammunition including a hammer, bug spray, BB gun, and plunger in anticipation of what creatures I feared would be crawling out of the wall.

Then, be still my heart, we are getting a new bathtub! My dream of a luscious garden tub surrounded with scented candles that spouts therapy jets at your who-who is not coming into play but I’m not complaining. Instead, our new bathtub is going to be a standard no frills plain white cootie free tub but I’m thrilled as I can be. It will have tile around it too. The walls and ceiling will all have new drywall and the entire floor will be tiled. Our biggest expense will probably be a new cabinet sink which will be modest but functional. Hus will build a custom linen cabinet in there somewhere and the nasty leaky window that collects mold and grunge around the seams will also be replaced with one that has frosted glass. Lucky for us we get a contractor’s discount at all the home centers for that stuff and we already have plenty of drywall and tile coming out our ears.

I can’t wait to dive into our overstock of tile boxes this weekend and make a selection. I’ll be like a kid in a candy shop. I’m not going for modern or fancy or elegant, just functional. I’ve always loved the tile that has that stony, rocky look with matching borders which would seem fitting anywhere in this mountain home so I hope we have some of that. If not, I’ll grab the next best thing and be happy for it.

The down side of the project is that this can take a long time from start to finish as although business is slow, it’s not completely dead and we do have work to get done. Normally when Hus rebuilds a bathroom of this size on the job it takes a good week, but when it comes to our own projects, things get a little crazy and can end up taking months. Meanwhile, all the linens, towels, and miscellaneous bathroom supplies are presently living all over our couch and kitchen table and I haven’t a clue where to stash these things for now. I can’t figure out how we ended up with 16 sets of bedding when there are only three beds in this house and half the pillow cases are missing.

I can’t wait until this project is finished no matter how long it will take. Then, the next time you come for a visit, you won’t need to bother wearing Depends. Instead, I’ll be greeting you at the door with “Welcome to my home, do you have to take a leak?”

Have a great day.

Love, Lily


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## Reble (Jul 31, 2009)

I just know it will be worth the wait...


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## walkermini (Jul 31, 2009)

This has really given me a laugh! No, not that you have had to endure the bathroom horror of yours, but the way you describe it, and also the fact that I have been dealing with many of the same things, at my last house, and the one we are in now. I was nodding in sympathy and laughing at the same time while reading your description... My last house had the scary squishy floor, and the scariest part was that there was a good size crawl space under there that I was always afraid I would be visiting by going throught the floor, an not going to the actual door to it outside... Our present house had wall to wall CARPET in the bathroom when we moved in...OMG it was so disgusting when we pulled that up. And like yours, I can never get it clean, no matter how hard I try. And there is a vent that goes from the outside of the house and where it is inside is under the tub...I have heard some scary things under there



Oh and the wall that has the tub haS A WINDOW...now Im not opposed to windows in a bathroom, but dont like them there if they are in the tub/shower...Not hat anyone can see in, but the windowsill is hideous and grows weird things...Thank God we are building a new house, Im afraid this one would collapse if we tried to remodel anything! But anyway, thanks for the laugh and hope your bathroom turns out great!


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## hobbyhorse23 (Jul 31, 2009)

Marty said:


> This house was built sometime after dinosaurs ruled the earth, or before, not quite sure which it was. The term “fixer upper” doesn’t even begin to touch it. It’s more like let’s just use explosives first, and then fix whatever is left. ...
> 
> I’ve been concerned for years that the majorly cracked, droopy ceiling is going to come crashing down on one of us during a very inopportune time. *Imagine sitting in a bathroom and when glancing up at the ceiling, it’s making a special movement of its very own.*
> 
> ...


Oh. My. God.

I'm laughing so hard I can't get air. Marty, don't do that to me!!



I SO miss your little sagas when you're not here.

Leia


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## Al B (Jul 31, 2009)

The real question, Marty, is are you finally going to attach it to the house.


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## Barbie (Jul 31, 2009)

Gee Marty - I knew there was a reason why Tam and I never made it to see you when I was TN. Now that I won't have to wear depends we'll have to come your way.

Congrats on your new bathroom!!! Keep the pictures coming.

Barbie


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## crponies (Jul 31, 2009)

Whooohoooo! I am so happy for you, Marty! I look forward to updates and further pictures as the work is completed.


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## susanne (Jul 31, 2009)

> Imagine sitting in a bathroom and when glancing up at the ceiling, it’s making a special movement of its very own.


CSOTM moment (Coffee Spraying on the Monitor)

I love old houses, but this has gotten us into some dreadful housing situations...like the gross, albeit historical, linoleum in our last house. It was beautifully coved at the walls, and therefore I could not get rid of it, despite the permanent grunge!

I was a bit worried you were going to include a clawfoot tub amongst the "horrors," as I love those, but the moment you mentioned shower enclosure and other evidence of a 50s remuddle, I was cheering loudly!

Sure wish I could come make use of the facilities! (And visit, too...)


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## LittleRibbie (Jul 31, 2009)

I am speechless!! I love your stories!!

AL B....that was priceless!!


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## Marty (Jul 31, 2009)

UPDATE: Here's my tile selection. This is an almost smooth surface (great for wannbe moonwalkers that want to slip easily and bust their arse) full body ceramic tile. The colorations are various sand tones, beiges, taupe, and tans, with no white or black veins. I was going for color first and this is what we had the abundance in. I was hopeing for a rough texture for the floor but we didn't have it. This tile also offered a co-ordinating bull-nose trim that we need for the tub and shower surround. Now I need to think paint color because the king says no more wall paper!

This also happens to match my kitchen perfectly so I am getting really hopeful now!

The other choice would have been a white based tile. No white please! All the white based tiles were white or grey tones and the matching listellos were pretty much greek or italian sytle which is not what I had in mind that wouldn't fit in here at all with this mountain home.

Now back to sorting out linens!

Peace,

Lily!

(In the picture it appears the 12 X 12 tile is very light and the trim dark I have no idea why but anyhow here it is


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## anoki (Jul 31, 2009)

Oh Marty!! You know I love your sagas!!!!!!





I like that tile!!! Much better than the blue tub/shower.....yowsers....not sure I could have lived with that colour!!!!! LOL





~kathryn


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## Barbie (Jul 31, 2009)

I really like that tile Marty. That's my colors!!!

Barbie


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## Marty (Aug 10, 2009)

It looks like we haven't done much but we have! This is a little bit complicated stuff. Hus has only had a couple of hours every night to work on it after work and this weekend we got a lot accomplished.

The new corner linen cabinet it built. He just has to make the doors for it. I finally was able to get all the linens, out of the living room and put them on the shelves today. Its hard to make things fit right because its in a corner and its so much smaller than the original but that's ok. I'm not about to complain at all. I"m thrilled!

The old linen cabinet is now our new shower space. That's going to be one good size shower!The ceiling is torn down, and the electric work with the light with the vent/fan thingy is installed. I didn't know you are supposed to have a separate light with a fan thingy inside the shower!





But he says yes because that is the way he builds them in the big expensive homes he works in so I'm like, ok, if the rich fok do it then who am I to question it, go for it!





Wow, are we moving on up or what???





Then he has the whole cut out in the shower floor to connect the plumbing.

The concrete board is coming in next so he can do the tile and I get to do the grout. I love doing grout.





Soon as that is done, I finally get to haul that horrid blue shower tub to the dump which will be this week with any luck. Just think, we'll finally have one room in the whole house now that will be all new and cootie-less!











I keep reminding him that we have enough tile for the kitchen floor but I better not push it!





I can't wait to invite you all over to use my bathroom when its done!






Thanks for looking

Love Lily


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## Connie P (Aug 10, 2009)

Wow Marty! Looking good!


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## qtrrae (Aug 10, 2009)

Oh Marty,

I LOVE it - not the fact that you have an ancient bathroom but your way of telling about it - now there is another book for you to write - "The Bathroom Saga" I will certainly be among the first to buy it - I so love all of your books - they are the kind that a person can read over and over again!

Keep the Neverending Saga going - I so love your posts!!

Just think how much you are going to appreciate that brand new bathroom with that lovely tile!!!


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## maplegum (Aug 10, 2009)

Giggle giggle. I can really relate to your story. Our bathroom looks like it belongs in a 70's porn movie. Seriously!


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## wildoak (Aug 10, 2009)

Your tile pick looks like what we put in ours when we built a couple of years ago - great color, goes with everything



. Our walls are sort of a taupe color with almost white trim. I tried to do turquoise towels, etc, but the house disagreed and I ended up with mostly reds.





Keep it coming.....can't wait for your next progress report!

Jan


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## twister (Aug 10, 2009)

Marty I spit when I read what you wrote about your bathroom, too funny. Glad you are getting a new bathroom, can't wait to see the finished room, love the corner linen cabinet and your choice of tile.








Yvonne


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## Marty (Sep 20, 2009)

Things couldn't be going any slower. And to my delight and horror at the same time, I'm having company in a few short days from Connecticut. My best friend in the entire world of some 53 odd years or so is coming to the mountain to see me with her husband, who is also a childhood playmate of mine. Its been about 18 years since I have seen them and boy am I excited and also a wreck at the same time trying to hurry this project along. They called the first week of September and I was so possitive the bathroom would be finished by now I said come on down. Boy was I over zealous thinking we'd be done by now. Needless so say I have been nearly impossible to live with since I found out!

This humble little bathroom remodel has taken more twists and turns that you could even imagine. For pete's sakes, how much more complicated can it be just to fix up a nice little place to do your thing? All I have to say is that people, when you think you are buying a fixer upper, you better take heed of previous construction, or lack thereof, and it turning into a money pit.

I was so glad to see the troops arrive last week to help thank goodness because this job was getting no where fast and I'm in a hurry now to get 'er dun so all hands are on deck. Step son and Dan showed up to hang drywall so I now have walls and a ceiling. No more worry about it crashing down upon my head while I'm indisposed. My new ceiling is intact and there were no signs of bats in the belfry cause I checked. With that came the new lighting for over the vanity which by the way is residing in Dan's bedroom. There were electric wires all over the place for days and luckily, no one got fried. The old light fixture hanging in the middle of the room from the Land Before Time bit the dust and we now have real light sconces like a house that was built in this century. We went to three lighting stores and found the best biggest selection and best bang for the buck in Lowes. We also found $20.00 bucks laying on the sidewalk! Looked all around and nobody was there so finders keepers right?





We had a big set back because some of the plumbing had to be replaced that we didn't bargin for. Finally we were able to address that and came to another set back; we needed to replace the busted stupid leaky window and seems no body makes them in that size anymore if they are alive and living in this century. We looked everywhere. Its a special order. So we left that problem by the way side for now and will have to go back to adress that later I guess. Hope we don't have to bust out the wall to make a bigger size window.

We have been without a sink in the bathroon now since this project began back in July, and while I was starring at the vanity, I decided it was too short! That's right, of all the stupid, idiotic things, our new unfinished vanity is not the normal height so Hus measured it and agreed it was short so he had to add to it to bring it up another 4 inches to make it normal. Another set back.

The cabinet doors have been installed on the new linen cabinet and have to be stained when we do the vanity. I did get my new tub installed too. I was thinking how cool it would be to have candles all around it like in the movies, maybe have music to listen too, but then I thought, that's not really my style. Instead, I want to paint a racing stripe on it........





I would like a phone installed in the bathroom. That would make it so much easier to call a fork lift to rise me out of said racing tub when I get stuck.

On a possitive note, the floor tile is down. YIPPEE! But they took away my toilet all day yestarday to do it! Someone should have warned me because had I known, I never would have taken my blood pressure pills. It still has to be grouted but it came out looking good and now my bathroom looks humongous. Just imagine, no more cheapo ripped up vinal held together with duck tape. I have a lot to get used to. There are absolutely no cooties in my bathroom at all anywhere so you can come over and use it anytime you want.

Now I'm not exactly sure how this happened, I think it had something to do with my big fat complaining mouth, but we are also getting the kitchen tiled now since we still have an abundance of that tile to use up. That's right! Today, Dan shows up and proceeds to tear up the old stinking stupid rotten vinal flooring I have in the kitchen, that leads into the backroom from where I have my little office space. Now that was pure disgusting and had a smell that would knock you into next year. This vinal also held up horrid. We used to sell it at our floor store by the way and it actually is top of the line vinal, but it tore up all over the place just like the bathroom vinal. So Dan tore it up, then tore up the luan junk below it, then got it down to the sub floor and walla.........no floor cooties there at all either. We are doing very well in the no-cootie department. Good thing we bought those oozies when we did back when the talaban was running a sale due to our economy.





Dan has the fridge and stove temporarily in the mud room and the durarock for the tile is already nailed down while Hus is tending to the bathroom paint and wall tile now. I picked out a taupe color for the walls. Thinking of getting really riskay here and going for purple accents.





I honestly think it will be a miracle if this is all completed before my Peeps arrive from Connecticut but we are moving fast and furious. Stay tuned.





Here's my tub that I think needs a racing stripe on it





and my linen cabinet now has doors






My drywall crew.......they work for food. I trained them like that...hehe










And the kitchen floor


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## Barbie (Sep 20, 2009)

Looking great Marty. Good thing your "peeps" are coming down as that lit a fire under everyone!!! Just think, it will all be done - although I'm sure you have something else on the list.

Barbie


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## LittleRibbie (Sep 20, 2009)

Marty, I know how happy you are to see your childhood friend....you guys are going to have so much fun catching up on life. I cant believe you are doing the kitchen too...that awesome....maybe a bit inconvient for a few days but you will be fine.

AND YOU FOUND 20 bucks !!! Good for you


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## crponies (Sep 21, 2009)

Looking great, Marty! I am sure it will be so worth it when it is done, which I hope is before your special company arrives.


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## wildoak (Sep 24, 2009)

Looking good!!

Jan


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## Gini (Sep 24, 2009)

Marty, love your stories and bringing us along with you. Everything looks wonderful and I just know you are going to have a great time with your friends. Did you make the pumpkin bread we were talking about or the brownies. Knowing you it will be both!LOL

Gonna miss you at Worlds this year! Next year watch out everyone!! All the board including our one and only Marty Mart will be there too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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