# Teenagers!!!!



## MBhorses (Dec 4, 2006)

HELLO,

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW OF ALL YOU PARENTS WHO HAVE TEENAGERS WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO REACH THEM. MY SON WHO IS 17 YRS OLD THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. MY SON THINKS HE IS HIS OWN BOSS AND WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. WE TAKE HIM TO CHURCH. WE ARE TRYING TO GET HIM TO LISTEN TO US, BUT YOU KNOW US PARENTS DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I TRY TO GET HIM TO TALK TO US, BUT HE ALWAYS SAYS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND CHILDREN IN TODAY WORLD. I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE HE GETS A GOOD EDUCATION AND A GREAT JOB LATER IN LIFE. HE ALWAYS SAYS WHEN HE TURNS 18 YRS OLD HE IS MOVING OUT TO DO WHAT HE WANTS AND WHEN HE WANTS. :no: I TOLD HIM HE COULD LIVE HERE WITH US ALONG AS HE IS GOING TO SCHOOL. ALL YOU PARENTS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE AND ARE DURING WITH TEENAGERS WHAT IS WORKING BEST FOR YOU ALL.MY SON IS A GREAT CHILD AND DOES FAIRLY WELL IN SCHOOL.

HELP!

THANKS MELISSA


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## Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis (Dec 4, 2006)

Well I have a 17 yr old.. she is a good student and all around good kid although like any teen stubborn, wanting to grow up yet still a child enough to make you rip your hair out like any good teen




:

I have to at this point IMO at her age give her the freedom to make her own choices some of them dont end up right and it is hard for me to not say I told you so. She has to likeI did and many of us make her own mistakes learn from her own experiences. I have to trust that she is the good kid I see and in reality a few months from now she will be in college and living on her own so I need to prepare her for that as well.

I am lucky in that we talk alot so I know what is going on in her life and in return for her giving me that trust I trust her and allow her to go out, stay out late on the nights she feels it is important that kinda thing.


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## MBhorses (Dec 4, 2006)

Hello,

I am trying to let my son make his son choices good and bad, so he can learn. Teenagers think they know everything and us parents don't know nothing.Teenagers today are different from teenagers years ago. My daughter who just turn 12 yrs old has learn alot more in school then I ever learn about things, if you know what I mean.

thanks for helping,

melissa :saludando:


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## strass (Dec 4, 2006)

Oh what a blessing teenagers are. Remember that patience is like a muscle and you have to exercise it to make it stronger.

I had custody of my teenage sister back when she was in High School (and wanting to drop out). She was a challenge to say the least. Thatâ€™s how she ended up coming to live with me. Now, I have a son in Jr. High who is starting to test me as well.

One thing that parents fail to realize is that we do NOT understand kids nowadays. Sure, we were there once and we went thru about the same things as they do. However, weâ€™ve long since moved on to deal with â€œAdultâ€ issues and forgotten the feeling of being on the verge of becoming an adult. Teens always seem irrational to us because they make a big deal out of every last little thing. They want to be grown up and most think they already are. I believe that they do have the mental capacity, but simply lack practical experience. They also have a lot of hormonal changes that make their emotions difficult to deal with or even make sense of.

A more important point is to realize that your teen does NOT understand you. How could he? Heâ€™s only had a handful or years to figure things out whereas you have tried and failed and learned from more experiences than he could possibly comprehend. We want the best for them, but they canâ€™t understand why us always â€œholding them downâ€ is the right thing.

Remember: YOU ARE NOT COOL. Trust me. I was very cool in my youth and still am to my friends. To teenagers: Only adults who act like teenagers are cool. Cool is breaking the rulesâ€¦you are the one who makes them. Thatâ€™s OK. We all want our kids to â€œlikeâ€ us. When they are 15 years older, they will. For now, itâ€™s more important to be consistent and persistent.

Spending time with your teen can be a pain, but itâ€™s also important. They usually donâ€™t want to so you have to be a little forceful. Stop thinking of him as your precious little boy and start talking to him like the man you want him to become. Itâ€™s OK to explain to him why you want certain things. Itâ€™s also OK to just say, â€œbecause I said soâ€ if he is being stubborn. Try to expain it later on when he feels more like listening. Oh, even if his friends might think so, to him, you are still NOT COOL. Hence, itâ€™s nice if you can find things to do without his friends. That way he has to talk to you.

Give him some small freedoms at first. Explain to him that freedom is power and with power come responsibility. If he handles his power properly, it will grow. If not, it goes away. I always explain it to them this way: â€œIâ€™ll be the first to pat your back when you do good things. Iâ€™ll also be the first to be up in your bidâ€™ness when you do something wrong. At home, as in life, good things are rewardedâ€¦but not as vigorously as bad things are punished.â€ He may be too big to spank now, but there are other â€œrodsâ€ that we canâ€™t spare.

Does he have a J-O-B? Does he pay for any of his own bills? I made it a point to have my sister sit down and help me with the budget. The concept of how far money doesnâ€™t go was incomprehensible to her. She honestly believed that I should give her all the freedom in the world, not tell her what to do, and still support her financially. Hom-E don't play 'dat. You want to get...you learn to give.

Oh, one more thing. Someday...he'll have a pain in the rear kid tell him how parents don't understand kids. Remember that and you can smile when you picture him having to raise one just like him.


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## FoRebel (Dec 4, 2006)

Here's my 2Â¢ on this subject.

I was a pain the the *** kid when I was a teen :new_shocked: . I thought that my mom was being WAY too tough... Which she was (I wasn't allowed to do anything... no dl, no riding w/friends, no staying at friends' houses... etc.).I basically couldn't do anythine without her... EVER! I HATED my mom. I still don't like her 100% now but that's because she tries to take over parenting my toddler when she should be relaxing and being a grandparent



: . I completely "get" where your son is coming from though. It doesn't matter if you're the _cool_ parent or not. Teens just don't want to be around their parents. It isn't that they don't love you anymore it's just that they're trying to find their own wings.

Have some rules that your son needs to follow. If he has a job and a cell phone, make him pay for the extra it's costing you to have him on your plan. Make him pay his own car insurance.... I'm not saying make him pay for all of his stuff but give him some bills to pay... Just enough to make him realize what it means to be responsible. At the same time give him some freedom too. If he doesn't follow the rules, take some of his freedom. I still remember how hard it was to be a teen.... At the same time I know what it's like to be a parent and worry. (I had my son at 19 and he's 3 now.)

Remember, times change... parents weren't cool when you were a teen and they still aren't now that your son is a teen



: . Talk to him... listen to him... try to understand where he is in his life.... Try not to yell at him even when he yells at you.... And try to use "I feel" statements with him and have him do the same thing with you.

Try it.... let us know how it goes!



:


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## Leeana (Dec 4, 2006)

Hmm well i can give you a teenagers point of view, i am 18 years old.

Okay, i'll tell you right off the bat i am one of those pain in the *ss kids. The hard truth is by the time you have lived in the house and put up with someone elses rules for 17 or 18 ..heck maybe even 19 yrs ...you tend to want to make your own especially when the things you like have been limited due to those rules. When you reach the years (normally 14-20ys old im guessing) ..you kind of just say ''im old enough to know whats best for me, im not dieing from what im doing ..i'm big enough to do what i want when i want how i want" ..or atleast i said that lol. I think that its soo true that parents today dont know how different there children are living and being brought up (not just by parents ..by teachers ..friends ..everyobe) then they were. Your not the only one teaching your kid how to act anymore by the time there at that age.

The worse thing you could do is fight and yell and scream at him. That just makes things so much worse and will make him want to move out sooner. Talking calm and sitting down isnt always the best option either through his eyes im guessing. Maybe watch a movie together and have a talk, it may not be eye to eye but atleast your talking ..you know what i mean?

I think im old (plus legally old enough :lol to make my own decisions as long as it doesnt hurt me. I'm home at night before i gets dark and im not doing any illegal ..just out with my friends. I got to the point one yr that i didnt want to even come home bc 'the talk' was waiting, its so frustrating for us to hear the same thing over and over and over. Now im getting to the age where i listen to most of what they say out of respect. I personally think he's just talking, i think he is prob just blowing off steam saying he will move out when he turns 18. You have to be strict ..but fair at the same time. I bet by the time he is 18 he wont want to move out, i almost garentee it. Know how many times i said when i was 18 im moving out and when im 16 and get my license i will never be home ....HA never happened lol.

BTW: Strass ...maybe you should write a book, i enjoyed your post :lol:


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## RJRMINIS (Dec 4, 2006)

strass said:


> Oh what a blessing teenagers are. Remember that patience is like a muscle and you have to exercise it to make it stronger.
> 
> I had custody of my teenage sister back when she was in High School (and wanting to drop out). She was a challenge to say the least. Thatâ€™s how she ended up coming to live with me. Now, I have a son in Jr. High who is starting to test me as well.
> 
> ...



:aktion033: Strass I enjoyed reading your post!!!!!!!!!!! Very good advice!


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## MBhorses (Dec 4, 2006)

I would like to thank you all for your advice. My son is a blessing.



: I just don't want my son to make some of the same mistakes I made as a teenager.As a parent you always want better for your children.

take care,

melissa


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## MBhorses (Dec 4, 2006)

THANKS FOR TELLING US ABOUT YOUR TEENAGERS. THANK YOU TEENAGERS FOR TALKING WITH US AS WELL. I PRAY MY SON MAKES GOOD CHOICES. I PRAY HE FINISHS HIGH SCHOOL.HE IS INTO CARS AND LOUD MUSIC RIGHT NOW.

TAKE CARE,

MELISSA


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## Miniv (Dec 4, 2006)

When I was a pre-teen and teenager my mom would sit me down at the kitchen table with a glass of soda, hot chocolate and we would talk. The rule between us was that whatever was put on the table STAYED on the table.........She gave her advice, but she didn't judge and didn't punish with whatever was shared at the table.

I tried to do the same for our teenaged foster daughters.......and hope to be able to do it for our now 9 year old.......

Looking back, having that table of "non-judgement" with my mom to share with meant a lot. And she didn't know it, but she ended up doing it with several of my friends too, because they couldn't talk to their OWN moms without getting yelled at.

MA


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## Cara (Dec 4, 2006)

this may help!im not sure! im 15 going on 16 ! and i went through that! i never wanted to talk to my rents! till i talked to my school youth worker! it helped alot! maybe he will talk to someone like that? i have a 17 year old sister that was on her way to bording school and it helped her !! maybe it will help him! you know to feel like he has someone to turn to that won't tell anyone but you!!


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## TangoMango (Dec 4, 2006)

One word.........CELIBACY......Oh wait, too late for that...LOL....

If you ever do find out the answer. pleaeessse let me know. My 14 y/o daughter can sure drive me NUTS!



:


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## shane (Dec 5, 2006)

STRASS where have you been? i love your posts........

good luck on raising your teen

my daughters only seven, and i dread the teen years,.....

i do think though if your overly strict they will just be more determined to pull away from you...i think strass has got great advise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Ashley (Dec 5, 2006)

The simple fact is he is going to make mistakes and he has to to learn.

I also agree with givenig him some bills.

As soon as I got my first job(16) I started paying for my own car issurance, regardless if I had a car I was on my moms policy and paid my part. When I graduated, if I chose to stay home I paid rent(age 17-19). By the time I was 19 I was fully on my own with a good self supporting job.

HOwever..................I did have to talk to my mom today. We are not a talkative family. HOwever I did have to let her know that I find out today if I still have a job after the holidays or if I am permantly laid off. Because if that happens its going to be a very rough ride for me here.


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## Marty (Dec 5, 2006)

Melissa, I should get the award for frazzled mothers.

Teenagers just do not come with instructions.

And neither do parents.

So it's a matter of just doing the best you can.

In my case, I don't think I would have done a whole lot different with my boys because I know that in Michael's case, he always did the right thing in the end when push came to shove. I tore my hair out with those boys for years, but you know what? They never hurt anybody, they never turned into criminals, they never used drugs or drank alcohol. And to this day, everywhere I go, people will stop me just to tell me of how Michael had helped them with this and that and what a good kid he was. Last week a lady told me that he was the only one to stop and help her push her car to the side of the road when it was stuck out of gas. Then he went to the dollar store and bought her a gas can, and took her for gas and brought her back to her car. And that made him late to get to school, for which he got in trouble for. I hear this kind of thing all the time.

And I know all about "that mouth" and the wanting to be bossy, and independant and know so darn much more than we do.

I learned early on to pick and choose my battles wisely. I do not pick at every little thing. At 17, they are still kids, but not little ones anymore.

Melissa I wouldn't force my kids to go to Church. I feel that is a personal choice for them. One liked to go, the other one does not so he is not forced to do that.

As far as the moving out, Michael never wanted to leave, but Daniel does, because he is just so alone now here. So this is what I did with Daniel: A little experiment.

We called an ad in the paper about a place for him to rent. We sat down at the table with pencil and paper and did the math.

Rent was $300. Then he needed first, & last month & security, Ok, now we have $900 just to get in. And that was a dumpy broke down single wide trailer in a really bad part of town. Probably crawling with rats and bugs.

Then power hook up initial was $65. And phone was $55.

Then there is a matter of food, gas for the car, and insurance.

And where's the job? And how much does that pay?

Ok so now we can do it if we split the rent with roomates. Ok fine. Who do you know that is really not going to run the phone bill up to thousands on long distance or something and really not stick you holding the bag when they get fired from their job and can't pay their part of the rent?

And how are you going to manage all that and still go to college?

Well Melissa, of course I don't want to let my only child leave home when he turns 18. But what I am saying to you is don't argue back and forth about it now. Let him talk. Talk is cheap. Cross one bridge at a time, when the time comes.

I find the less I fight it, the less he brings it up. And the more freedom I give, the less he brings it up. You can't keep them on a leash under your nose all the time or they will feel like they are being treated like babies and want to get away from you. They want to go out and be with friends .

Dan has got freedom to go out with his friends on weekends as long as his grades are good. He now has a cell phone so we know where he is and who he is with all the time. If his grades drop again, he goes no where until they are brought back up. It's give and take.


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## MBhorses (Dec 5, 2006)

MARTY,

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT YOUR BOYS TO ME. I AM TRYING TO GIVE AND TAKE, BUT SOMETIMES IT IS HARD. I AM A LITTLE LESS HARD ON HIM THEN MY HUSBAND IS. MY SON THINKS HE IS ON A LEASE ALREADY, BUT EVER TIME WE GIVE HIM MORE FREEDOM HE DOES SOMETHING HE ISN'T SUPPOSE TO. WE TELL HIM TO BE IN AT A TIME AND HE MIGHT BE 5 MIN LATE. MY SON SAYS IT IS ONLY 5 MIN. ALSO HE SAID ONE TIME HE WAS SOMEWHERE IS WASN'T. I TOLD MY SON HE NEEDS TO TELL WHERE HE IS YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO US OR HIM.MY AUNT LOST HER SON A FEW YEARS AGO, HE WAS SOMEWHERE HE WASN'T SUPPOSE TO ME CAN GOT SHOT BY A CROSS FIRE. THE SHOTER WAS TRYING TO SHOT SOMEONE ELSE AND MY COUSIN GOT SHOT AND DIED.MY COUSIN WAS ONLY RIDING BY A CLUB WHEN THE TWO GUYS WHERE SHOTTING EACH OTHER, MY COUSIN GOT SHOT WHILE HE WAS IN HIS CAR. :no: MY AUNT ASK HIM ALOT NOT TO RIDE BY THE CLUBS, BUT HE TOLD HIS MOM I WILL BE OKAY HE ALWAYS SAID. MY SON HASN'T BEEN TO CLUBS, BUT I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU ALL WHY I WORRY ABOUT HIM. NO DAYS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT GOING TO HAPPEN OUT THERE IN THE BIG WORLD.I KNOW ALL PARENTS WORRY ABOUT THIER CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT AGE THEY ARE.WE HAVE CUSTODY OF MY NEICE WHO IS 9 YRS OLD,BECAUSE HER MOTHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT(HER MOTHER WAS OUT LATE WITH HER FRIENDS AND RUN OUT OF GAS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD)SHE WAS HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER MY NEICE WAS ONLY 2 YS AT THE TIME.MY NEICE FATHER IS NOT ABLE TO CARE FOR HER, SO WE HAVE HAD CUSTODY OF HER FOR 2 YRS NOW.

TAKE CARE,

MELISSA


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## Reble (Dec 5, 2006)

Great advice here..

Well my children are all grown, up at least they think they are.

What we used to do is write up a contract at the terrible teenage life.

Consequence for breaking the rules...

We sat down, Dad, Me and the child and made up the rules and consequences and everyone signed it. Posted it in their room.

Instead of yelling and out of control motions, we would say go read the rules. Even with a very good excuse for being late just kept repeating read the rules read the rules read the rules.

I guess you get the picture.... No one can argue if you don't.

Hubby & I found this worked for us.

Just a view example:::

No telephone calls coming in after 10:00 p.m. they could phone out till morning but none coming in.

If a friend called after the time, I answered and said sorry cannot talk tonight. Went in and phone taken away for that night.

Late coming home even 5 minutes, next night no going out.

Yelling or swearing in anger, in their rooms for 5 minutes time out, yes even in their teens.

It did work for us, and a lot nicer home environment...

Surprise your teenager can make good consequences for their mistakes



:


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## misfitminis (Dec 5, 2006)

I was a sneaky teenager. I am about to have our first child. I am very afraid that my child will do the same stupid things I did. What helped me was realizing how fortunate I was by helping those that were less fortunate and by having animals to take care of daily. I learned to help others and how to take care of animals from my parents and grandparents. I could go on all day about the stupid things I did as a teenager. I suggest charity work and daily responsibilies that include animals.


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## MBhorses (Dec 5, 2006)

Karla,

Great speach :aktion033: :aktion033: I will have to remember it all.

thanks melissa



:


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## ^T-bird89^ (Dec 5, 2006)

Well, I'm not a parent, but I am a 17 year old myself. I went through these stages myself- a little earlier though. I would lose my temper easily, i hated chores, and i told my mom the same thing about leaving at 18 and she has the same philosophy as you. However, I got over it and I'm just fine now. I don't know how to explain it or how i can help, but I think what works best is to be open and try to let him make choices for himself, give him some breathing room and let him do the things he wants every now and then (just don't let him take advantage as u are still the parent). Like I said, it is just a phase and it should soon pass. How long it takes depends on the kid- I'm sure it takes longer for boys than girls because my step-brother that is the same age as I am still has that attitude, and i am over the whole thing. Goo Luck!


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## Marty (Dec 5, 2006)

I know what you mean about not being where they are not supposed to be and I understand completely about giving them an inch and they take a yard. That's when I reel them back in........when they take advantage like that because that is just flat plain out disrespect. And then I'd get that mouth again. Then that's when they don't go out for a good long time after that and think twice about lieing about where they went and how they behave. They want their privlidges back, they have to earn it back. They just don't seem to "get it" about things that could happen when they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Let's not forget that Michael was only a stone's throw from our house in daylight and not even on the road at when he was run over.

But the 5 minutes late, oh gee whiz.......lighten up.

We had the 5 minute late thing too and Jerry would stand there and watch that clock and lower the boom on them being 5 minutes late. But there was fog, and then rain, and you know what I told him? That I would rather them be an hour late than to end up speeding and get in a wreck for the sake of being 5 stupid minutes late. Like I said, you have to pick and choose your battles. I know all of us parents just want our kids to grow up to be good responsible adults and to protect our kids and God knows that I did too. Hang in there and don't ever give up on your kid.

Now here's an exercise that you could just do for yourself.

Write your son's biography.

When I wrote Michael's, I was nearly amazed at how good a kid he really was under all that sillyness and goofing off and all his troubles and trials and tribulations. Seemed like every negative thing that I could think of, was outnumbered a million times over by his good points. I just didn't always see it until I wrote his story that is on his website. I just Thank God that a day never went by without telling him that he was my world and how I loved him. Even if that meant chasing him out the door hollering "Hey, by the way I love you kid"..........

If you write down everything there is to know about your son, I'll bet you will be very proud of your young man, a lot more than you think. You will get through these ruff times.


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## Feather1414 (Dec 6, 2006)

I myself am a teen.

I KNOW I can be stubborn, and rude, and really quite obnoxious and I also know that I am a good person.

What drives me insane is the fact that I am 17, and I honeslty have more restrictions now, than I did when I was 13. I am ALWAYS grounded.

Last night for instance. I have to take a night time class and last night it went 7-9. My mom told me to call when I needed a ride home. I got out of class at 8:30 because of weather((its Night Astronomy, couldn't see stars)) and my best friend Sarah who is also in that class and I went over to her house. It was 12 degrees outside and I was wearing my show choir dress because I came directly from a performance.

I went to Sarahs because I was cold, and I didn't feel like standing outside for another 20 minutes waiting for my parents to come and get me.

I got to Sarahs and at 9 I called for a ride from her house, lost track of time. My mom told me my dad had left half an hour ago to come and get me, and I had to go back to the school.

So I put on my snowgear again and get ready to walk back to the school when my dad knocked on her door.

First thing he did was tell me I was grounded because he had been waiting for so long.

Excuse me... what ever happened to "Call when you need a ride"

Not MY fault my dad decided to come and get me when he felt like it. He didn't even call me to tell me. I had NO knowledge of this, and if I had known, I wouldn't have gone to Sarahs house.

However now I am grounded from seeing my friends, when the last time I saw them outside of school was Halloween. That was the last time I hung out with anyone besides show choir, or for the musical.

Am I so horrible to be mad?

It's very frustrating when I know I won't see my friends very much next year and especially when I need them most, I can't hang out with them. There are times I have to come home and just sit around an empty house... like last week my mom was mad because the doctor was mad at me. So I lost my privelige to hang out with my friends.

My friends are NOT bad kids. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have sex, nor do any of my friends.

Marty has heard a few of the stories with my friends and I - think about the mormons and the beat stick. Gosh, we beat the crap out of each other. We don't go and drink or drive around or anything.


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## nootka (Dec 6, 2006)

My feelings are that you have to give them room to "make mistakes" while they are still "in the nest" and close enough to catch them when they fall. They resent the fact that you saw them fall, but they also appreciate that you gave them the chance to get back up and try again.

They just MIGHT be listening to some of what you say, and certainly don't force them to go to any church.

Honestly some of the worst people in the world that I know, are church-goers, and the opposite is true of some of the BEST that I know (as in they don't attend church, but are super good, loyal, and loving people). Noone should be judged by their religious preferences, nor by the method in which they choose to worship (or not) any god. It will only harbor resentment of another kind.

Encourage social activities, but at this point, you cannot force them.

Sit down and tell him that you are worried, and not trying to alienate him, and the reason you come off harsh, or strict, is because of that fear (at least this is how I feel about my own 17-year old son). He's practically old enough to be out on his own, and let him know you want to know from him what you could do to help him get off the ground, to help him be a success, but that you want things in return, and that's the tough part. He'll take it or leave it, and he knows you love him no matter which choices he makes.

For me, the hardest part has been shifting from the mother of a young child who needs me all the time, to being a mother of a young man who really only likes my company (yes, we hang out a lot, and I may not be all that "cool" but I know we have a lot of fun, and he CHOOSES to be with us, and brings his girlfriend along, too, sometimes his other friends, and they all genuinely enjoy our company, it helps us get a feel for what they're "into.")

Anyway, at this age, there's so little you can force on them, as it all tends to backfire, so offer your support with the guidelines of responsibility. Many good posts from great parents on here already.

Liz M.


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## PaintedPromiseRanch (Dec 6, 2006)

karla where were you a few years ago??? or i guess more appropriate would be where was I... your advice is SO GREAT, i wish i had heard it back then. my girls are 15, 17 (both at home) and 24 (married and gone), at this point the 15 and 17 have "been there done that" with the attitude, many times i found myself wishing i had stopped after the first one, i would be DONE by now... i got so tired of parenting, always nagging about chores etc. marty's idea of writing a biography was a great one too, my husband's boys left our home to live with their mom after being with us for over 4 years, and watching him deal with their "defection" was a real eye-opener for me. my girls do and did things i don't want for them but luckily for me no drugs etc. involved. having horses has been a real life-saver, always gives them something to do and something to plan for and think about... my mom took the 15, 17 and me to see Flicka a few weeks ago, at the end of the movie my youngest turned to me and said "mom i am so glad we are growin gup with horses" - yes it costs a lot of money to have them, and we do without a lot of other things people have and do these days, but i feel it is a really good choice! i am only sorry that the boys came into it too late to REALLY get involved, and ended up leaving. one good thing about that though is they have learned to appreciate their dad now that he is not around every day...

well good luck to all of you with teens, and all of you coming into your years with teens. one rule of thumb i was told long ago is, think about the issue, and whether 100 years from now anyone will care... like their wardrobe and simple stuff, if you can give in on the little things you can hang tough on the big important ones. grades and school, now, it may not be "100 years" but it could have a major impact on their future, so worth fighting for... as an example.


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## Maxi'sMinis (Jul 15, 2010)

I just was searching LB and found this 2006 post and thought it might just help a couple others dealing with teens these days.

I found quite a bit of useful info here and maybe some updated helpful experiences could be added? I have a 19 year old that is attached to a phone and doesn't understand she will need to put it down to hold down a job, lol. Don't know how this will help with the youths that frequent LB, but LB isn't the only place having to deal with erratic behavior and what comes out of teen mouths these days. I sure wouldn't talk to my Mom the way the kids do these days, including mine, oh and her spoiled rotten boy friend ugh!


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## Katiean (Jul 15, 2010)

When I was a teen I didn't want to disappoint my parents. I guess I was a rare child. I think to get a kids attention now a days is with a 24" 2x4. No just kidding. One of the most important things is that they still need to remember who is paying the bills. Also, consistency. If you say something that carries a consequence, stick with the consequence.Don't just threaten do it! IMO things older teens need to learn is how to manage their money and chores and rules. Gee, doesen't that sound like when they get out of school and get a job. when you have a job you manage your money, do your job (or chores) and follow the rules or you are fired. This is something kids need to know. Listening to your parents is like listening to you boss at work. You might not like what they say. You maybe don't even like them. But, they are incharge.


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## sfmini (Jul 16, 2010)

I read for quite a while before I realized how old this post was.

I would love to see updates from the parents of these now former teens to see how their stories of teenhood ended. That in itself might help those parents dealing with those challenging teens to see there is a light at the end of the rainbow.


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## JaniceZ (Jul 16, 2010)

When I was 15-16, I thought I could handle anything that came my way.

I was never a 'true reble', but my parents and I would fight like cats and dogs.

Looking back at it now i reallize it wasnt the issues that caused the fights, but the way I approached them. I wish now that I had been 'nicer' to my parents. but its a phase. I guess we all go through it.



> One of the most important things is that they still need to remember who is paying the bills.


And one way to remind remind them (i say this like im old, im 19 lol, but mature for my age), Is make them pay certain bills. I have had a full time summer job since I was in grade 5. Starting in Highschool, if i wanted something my parents didnt think i needed, i had to pay for it. I bought my own cloths, paid for my horses board, vet, farier, grain, and bedding, and when i decided i needed a cell phone, i paid for that to. as you can imagine i soon found out i needed to get another job to pay for everything i wanted. At one point i was cleaning at my highschool, had a paper route, and did chores at the farm i board at inorder to pay for my things. It made me realize the true value of money, at the same time as making sure i can budget (something i am extreemly thankful for now that I am paying for tuition and rent as well as everything else).

My mom calls it that strong dutch work ethic




.

My parents were very helpful too. They would cover my chores, my paper route etc. and would help me out if there was anything I needed. (another reason i wish i had been nicer)

My current complaints about my parents: they will NOT cut the apron strings. I am currently in my first summer back after one year of university, and I have grown up ALOT in that one year away. My parents however, treat me exactly the same as they did before I left. I have heard that your first summer back is always the worst. So I hope anyways LOL


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## Miniv (Jul 16, 2010)

sfmini said:


> I read for quite a while before I realized how old this post was.
> 
> I would love to see updates from the parents of these now former teens to see how their stories of teenhood ended. That in itself might help those parents dealing with those challenging teens to see there is a light at the end of the rainbow.



LOL! You read my mind....... I looked at my previous post. The child was age NINE. She is now 13.






I THOUGHT I was so ready... Nope. She wants to sit down and share on Monday, but by Wednesday I am SO "not with it" and wouldn't EVER understand..... then next week mom and dad will be the best.....HA!


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