# please help...my mother died



## PrestigeMiniHorses (Sep 25, 2009)

I don't know how to put this but yesterday was the hardest day of my life. Or should I say the worst. My beautiful mother of us 3 kids last night committed suicide. I don't know what to say or what to do. NO ONE AT ALL SAW THIS COMING. She had the perfect life. She had everything. She was so smart. She helped me get through all my tough times. And I feel so bad because I couldn't help her. We didn't even know there was a problem...She hide it well. I can't tell you how much I hate alcohol right now. She drank herself unconscious and shot herself. I never even knew they kept a handgun in their home. And even so I would have never thought she would have done this ever. She helped me raise my daughter. She is the whole reason why I moved out here in the first place. She was there with me in the OR when Lexi was born... I feel so alone right now....


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## Davie (Sep 25, 2009)

Kourtney, please drop me a PM as I so hear you pain. I'm here if you need to talk to someone. I have not walked in your shoes but have lost my mother along with so many other forum members.


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## SampleMM (Sep 25, 2009)

I can't even imagine the shock, pain and disbelief you are going through. My heart breaks just reading your post. I am so very sorry about your mother. I'd like to reach through the computer and give you a big hug. Do you have anyone there with you, because right now you need tons of support. I understand this just happened so when the time is right you might want to think about a support group or even counseling. Again, I'm so sorry.


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## Sabrina (Sep 25, 2009)

i am so sorry



, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Magic (Sep 25, 2009)

Oh Kourtney, I am SO sorry! I can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling. When my Mom died it was the worst time of my life too, but losing someone to suicide must be the hardest thing to deal with.



I agree that you are likely going to need a support group to help you through this horrible time. We're here for you too. {{{{hugs}}}}


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## Barbie (Sep 25, 2009)

Kourtney-

I can't even imagine what you are through with all the whys - I am so sorry. I've walked in your shoes as far as losing my mom (I was 16 and she died in a car accident) and it was very tough. I too hope you have some people there for support at this tragic time. Just take it day by day at this point.

(((HUGS)))

Barbie


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## REO (Sep 25, 2009)

Oh honey, I'm SO SORRY! I'm sitting here crying.

I can't imagine the shock, hurt, anger and pain you're feeling right now. I wish I could make it better for you and give you a big hug. One thing I want you to know. That even though she was your mom, (and we feel our family should tell us everything) she was a person, a person with private feelings (like we all have) and any reason she had, it was from something inside herself that only she knew and she didn't do it to hurt you. She must have had private demons that no one could help her with. I know it hurts BAD that she didn't give you or anyone a chance to help her. That is so sad. I hurt for you and your family. I'm here if you need me.


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## Watcheye (Sep 25, 2009)

I am so, SO sorry to hear this. I pray that you are surrounded by your loved ones and supported. I can not imagine going through what you are going through. Again, my thoughts are with you.


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## Hosscrazy (Sep 25, 2009)

"I'm sorry" doesn't even begin to cover it... do you have friends and family nearby that you can be with? I lost my mom at a very young age and I know how horrible it is to lose a parent... please take care of yourself, and I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers...

Liz R.


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## bfogg (Sep 25, 2009)

I am so sorry. I do hope you have some people around you that can help you thru this.

Prayers coming for you and yours.

Love

Bonnie


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## minih (Sep 25, 2009)

I can not even imagine your pain,



I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, it is sad she had so much pain it overpowered her will to live. She loved you so much to try and keep the pain from touching you. They don't realize it does eventually anyway. <<<hugs>>> I hope you find some peace.


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## bcody (Sep 25, 2009)

I am so sorry. I hope you are not alone. I wish I had some magic words to ease your pain, but there are none. You are in my prayers.


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## miniwhinny (Sep 25, 2009)

Oh my goodness, I just don't know what to say. I just can't imagine what you are going through right just now. There's nothing I can do or say to ease your pain but please know that my heart is breaking for your loss and you are in my thoughts (((((((HUGS))))))))


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## Vertical Limit (Sep 25, 2009)

Losing your mother like has got to be so shocking and painful. Sorry does not even begin to cover it. I am so sorry!

Carol


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## wildoak (Sep 25, 2009)

I am so sorry, I can only imagine what you must be feeling now - grief, shock, anger... I hope you have other family & friends with you, please take care of yourself and know we are all with you in spirit.

Jan


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## Minimor (Sep 25, 2009)

I am so very sorry--and those words just don't seem adequate!


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## Flyin G Farm (Sep 25, 2009)

I'm so sorry Kourtney





Tracy


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## minie812 (Sep 25, 2009)

Wow, I am so very sorry. I can only offer up prayers that you have some more family to help each other through this tough time.


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## Miniv (Sep 25, 2009)

The word "sorry" isn't enough.......Wish the English language had more words to express sorrow....grief.....heartache.

Please.....whatever you do.....please don't EVER feel guilty........You have enough grief, anger, sorrow, and emptiness that you are and will be going through. Adding guilt is not fair to do to yourself. Your mother was an adult and made that very sad choice.

Hope you don't mind my suggesting grief counseling?

Blessings to you and your family.

Maryann


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## Maxi'sMinis (Sep 25, 2009)

My heart goes out to you and your family. There is really nothing I can say that would ease your pain and grief. I will pray for you and your family to help you through this terrible sorrow and to help you find understanding and peace in why you Mother would have done this. Sending deep prayers for you. Most of all please don't blame yourself.

God please touch this family with your peace and guidance. Help them cope with this terrible loss and help them to deal with the pain and grief the loss of their Mother has left. God bless.


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## Shari (Sep 25, 2009)

Oh.. no.... I am so very sorry this happen to you and your family. It would be a good thing for you and your family to go to counciling. I know it is very hard right now but what happened is no ones fault, as heart breaking as it is.

Hugs


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## Whitestar (Sep 25, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear about your mother....my father shot himself without any warning 22 years ago when I was 26 years old. It took years before I was able to let go of the pain of what that time was like, the huge hole he left in all of our hearts, the guilt of wondering what I missed, how could I have been so close to him, spend so much time with him every day & not see some clue...and the anger of him doing this to our family. My father was always the strong one for all of our family & showed no clue to why he did what he did. We tore the house apart looking for a note & never found anything. They even did an investigation to make sure another person was not involved-it was so unexpected.. My father was a very successful businessman & it was on the front page of the paper. I got so tired of people asking me why he did what he did because they all knew him as such a strong, successful person. It just drove the knife in deeper each time they asked. There was plenty of times that I lost my temper & told them that was the most insensitive question they can possibly ask. We didnt know then & we dont know 22 yrs later.

I can tell you that it is important that you have someone to talk to at this time, & dont be afraid to express your emotions, sadness, anger..whatever you feel. . In time the feelings you feel right now can be replaced with the good memories of the times you spent together. That is what I remember about my father, the many many GOOD times & not that terrible terrible time & I still miss him like crazy every day. I wont let this one thing he did in his life define the man who he really was.

I am sorry for your loss.

Debbie


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## LindaL (Sep 25, 2009)

OMG Kourtney! I am so very sorry! I can't even imagine the pain you must feel right now! I hope in the days to come you will have family and friends there for you...and we (your forum family) are also here for you when you need to vent......((((HUGS))))


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## Just Us N Texas (Sep 25, 2009)

I have no other words but I am so sorry. I hope you have lots of people around you to give you the support and hugs we all wish we could give to you.

Carolyn


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## garyo (Sep 25, 2009)

Gary and I are so very sorry that this has happened in your family. It is never easy to lose a parent and we cannot possibly imagine how much more difficult it must be under these circumstances. I know that we and the many other people in your forum family will be thinking of and praying for you and your family.


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## rockin r (Sep 25, 2009)

I don't even know what to say, or where to begin..I can't even imagine..I am sooo very sorry that you are going thru this... I agree, support group will help you work thru this. Hugs to you and yours.....Theresa


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## AppyLover2 (Sep 25, 2009)

Having experienced a suicide in our family I only have one bit of advice - and I KNOW it's almost impossible to take - but please, please don't try to figure out why she did it. You will never know for sure and you will only punish yourself more by trying to solve the puzzle. It's enough that you have to deal with the sudden loss and the way it happened. You aren't to blame! She was a grown woman and made a painful decision. A decision that most of us would like to believe we'd never make, but we really don't know unless we have lived with their particular demons.

I urge you to seek grief counseling as soon as possible and I'm *very* sorry for what you're going through.


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## crponies (Sep 25, 2009)

I'm praying for you, Kourtney. I am so sorry you are going through this.


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## twister (Sep 26, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, it is so hard to lose a parent but I can't imagine what you are going through in such a tragic circumstance. Know that your forum family is there for you and we will be thinking of you.

<HUGS> Yvonne


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## Mona (Sep 26, 2009)

Oh my gosh Kourtney, I can only imagine your pain and sorrow. I am soooo very sorry for your loss. Nothing can replace a Mother's love. (((((HUGS)))))


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## FoRebel (Sep 26, 2009)

OMG Kourt! I'm just seeing this now... My hugs, love and support are with you and Lex. You call me if you would like to talk, otherwise I will call you on Monday... I am so sorry sweetie!!!



HUGE HUGE HUGS hun!


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## Sonya (Sep 26, 2009)

Oh Kourtney, I am sending prayers and good thoughts for you and your family. I lost a sister alittle over 3 years ago who also commited suicide, she too had been drinking and shot herself. I also lost a cousin, same way. No one in our family really "knew" why. A death of a parent is hard enough without the added stress of not knowing why. You are going to go through an emotion rollarcoaster....sadness, anger, denial, sadness, anger again..it is going to be hard to truley grieve for a long time. I am so sorry, HUGS.


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## Robin1 (Sep 26, 2009)

I am so sorry. Prayers and thoughts coming you and your family's way. I have had suicide in my family, even when you "know" the answer, there is no answer.

Robin


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## anita (Sep 26, 2009)

My heart goes out to you Kourtney! So sorry for your loss and the pain you must be going through.

You are in my thoughts and prayers

Anita


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## Jill (Sep 26, 2009)

Kourtney, I am so sad and sorry to read this news. My heart goes out to you!


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## Sue_C. (Sep 26, 2009)

Wish there was a magic word that could take away your pain...so sorry for your great loss.


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## Sterling (Sep 26, 2009)

iI am so very sorry!!


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## hobbyhorse23 (Sep 26, 2009)

I am so very sorry, Kourtney.



Words desert me but please know we grieve with you for the loss of your mother and all the emotional devastation you've been subjected to as a result of the circumstances. Your forum family holds you in our prayers.

Leia


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## Nuzzle (Sep 26, 2009)

Words cannot begin to describe how sorry I am to hear that you lost your mother under such tragic circumstances. I pray for you and your family to find the strength to get through this.


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## Littleum (Sep 27, 2009)

We are so incredibly sorry for your loss. Our hearts go out to you and your family.


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## minisch (Sep 27, 2009)

I too am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Some members that have had this experience with suicides have given you some good advice. We are ALL here for you if you need us.


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## Valerie (Sep 27, 2009)

Oh my Kourtney.....I am just now reading this.......and it's breaking my heart.

I am so very sorry, and please read and re-read these posts, some of them have very good advice and day by day the shock will lessen and be replaced by something else, I know I lost my Mom suddenly and unexpectedly, and honestly whether a person takes their own life or if they leave us in another way, it all causes stress, anger, grief, so many emotions, and each person deals with them in a different manner and they may come to each person in a different order even. Grief counseling would be a very good thing to look into, or another support group, just remember you are not alone in all of this.

Please do not try to figure out "why", I know that question will be looming, but please remember you have your family and you all need to support each other, in whatever way that is. Again, each person needs different levels of comforting.......

Hugs sweetie, I sure wish I could take away the pain.

Valerie


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## eagles ring farm (Sep 28, 2009)

I'm so sorry

Prayers for you and your family to have strength

and understanding to get through this.

I don't think that your Mom

realized the pain she would leave for you.

again so very sorry


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## Connie P (Sep 28, 2009)

Kourtney,

I am so very sorry to hear about this shocking news. I cannot imagine your pain. I just went through this with a really close friend of mine. Her son committed suicide on Sept 6th and he was only 21 years old. We will never understand why people make such choices, but there is obvious deep pain within them. Hugs to you. I wish there were majic words that I could say to make you feel better but there isn't. My sincerest condolences to you and your family and may your beautiful mother rest in peace. XXOO


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## Candleliteranch (Sep 28, 2009)

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Though it was my brother and not my mother, I can relate to the feelings of losing a much loved one to suicide. We, like you never saw it comeing. Alcohol was also involved in his death. There is so much pain, disbelief, and self blame to work through. You always ask yourself why you didn't see it coming. There are so many if onlys.... May God be with you and give you strength. [[[hugs]]]


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## HGFarm (Sep 28, 2009)

I am so sorry.... I can't even think of anything else to say. I dont even think there are words to describe how sorry, but I agree in what someone else said about not wondering why, forever, that it happened. I guess it just can't be helped as to wonder though. I guess we think we know people, but maybe dont know the demons or issues they may deal with in their own life every day that they just might not talk about.

My heart breaks for you.... a million hugs. I just can't imagine..........


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## RockRiverTiff (Sep 28, 2009)

I just wanted to add my sincere condolences. I wish there were better, more meaningful words. You may feel lost right now, but you most certainly aren't alone. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.


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## JustAGamble11 (Sep 29, 2009)

Oh my Kourtney!

Im so sorry about the loss of your dear mom.

Good luck and be strong!

Hugs and lots of love and prayers are sent your way!

Love and best wishes

Kate


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## Marty (Sep 29, 2009)

I've seen this thread here for days not knowing the right way to tell you what is in my heart but I'll try. What a tragic way to loose your precious mom; my heart is just aching for you. Moms mean everything to us all. Please don't let the way she left you haunt you as it will destroy you. Please don't dwell there no matter how much you want to dig and rack your brain to try to understand it. Sometimes mom's harbor deep secrets inside for years that they are never able to share with anyone and this may be what has happened here. I think you can get through this if you celebrate her life, the good things you remember and know about her and all she has done for and with you, and cherish the loving mom you knew she was. I am so sorry for you from the bottom of my heart.


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## HGFarm (Sep 29, 2009)

How are you doing today? Wish we could send real hugs..............


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## bluetaterbaby (Oct 1, 2009)

Kourtney,

I'm so sad about your loss. May God bring you comfort during this terrible time as He brings wonderful memories of your mom to mind. You have lots of wonderful people on this forum who genuinely care and are here for you. Lots of wonderful advice and words of wisdom offered. You are among friends.

God bless,

Joan


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 3, 2009)

Kourtney, my heart breaks for you. I lost a son to a motorcycle accident so I know what it's like to loose someone you love. My mom I've always been able to call and talk to and she'd listen even though we've had our differences she's always loved my husband. A year ago she got cancer of the jaw and she started getting dementa and now she's in a nursing home. She's NOT the same mom anymore. I MISS the mom I had, she can't hear me cause of her hearing, she's not there sometimes mentally or she'll repeat the same stuff over and over again. So there's many way's to loose a mom, a loved one. Again great advice you've been given here and I wish you the best. Remember it's ok to cry. Hugs, TJ


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## TheCaseFamily00 (Oct 3, 2009)

I'm so sorry



. I lost my aunt to suicide and we also didn't realize what she was going through.It is such a hard and painful thing and i'm so sorry. Just know you aren't alone and that we are here for you[ big hugs].


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## Miniature217 (Oct 3, 2009)

I am so sorry.. I had lost a friend and a uncle did the same. My paryers are going out to you and your family. I give you a ((Hug)) to you.


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## Boss Mare (Oct 3, 2009)

OMG..

*hugs* and lots of thoughts.. Please realize you're not alone.. We all love you and wish you the best..


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