# I have my first real boyfriend.



## Secret22 (Jan 13, 2006)

My friend Sam from Australia is up for ages and we have developed a serious relationship. He is my first 'REAL' boyfriend so I just had to say something. We have known each other and sort of dated throughout a year but now we have being seeing each other for a few weeks and we just 'click'. I am only 13 so I am taking things really slowely but I just had to say something




:

My Mum has a fair idea whats going on I think and hope. We have a double date tomorrow with my friend and her boyfriend so that should be fun



:

And don't worry I am being sensible and responsible and taking things slowely.

Can't wait for tomorrow :bgrin


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## CAM (Jan 13, 2006)

My goodness...kids sure start early these days. I can't imagine a boyfriend at 13. I hear that is not uncommon anymore. I sure hope your mom does know what is going on. What exactly does she think you are doing tomorrow when you are on a "double date"? And how old is this boy? His parents aren't concerned he is going on a date with a 13 year old girl? I sure wouldn't let my daughter go on a double date at the age of 13. I know kids go out in a group to the mall or maybe the movies or dinner these days but a full fledged date with someone you call your boyfriend...at 13?! I might be old school but in my book, that is way too young, double date or not. My kids are going to love me aren't they? :bgrin

Edited to say: "Taking it slowly"?? What is there to take slowly? A 13yo saying they are "Taking it slowly" As a mother of a soon to be tween...I am mortified to hear this. :new_shocked:


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## Secret22 (Jan 13, 2006)

Its only a date at my house while my Mums at work. We arent like having you know what or anything lol - NEVER for me!!!!!!!

We are being sensible and responsible, my Mum trusts me to do whats right.


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## justaboutgeese (Jan 13, 2006)

I was just going to add to the last post. My girls are just reaching the age where I trust them to go out, that would be 35 and 37. At thirteen they were only allowed school activities that were co-ed. Guess I am really old fashioned. But if your mom approves have fun.


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## Secret22 (Jan 13, 2006)

We are having tons of fun. Yea, by takin things slowely I mean not getting to serious. Yep the world has sure changed, I had my first 'boyfriend' at 10 (wasnt real tho!!). Mum trusts me and has already given me the pep talk lol and I would never at this age - NEVER


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## New_Image (Jan 13, 2006)

CAM I agree but its not uncommon for them to be doing 'more then dateing' by 14/15, I have a 14 year old cousin who had a "sleep over" with her boyfriend - Her parents are twits and all she got was a slight talking to (That would be the day..) But I let her have it, she wasnt happy with me. I let her know that if she was my kid her boyfriend would be by by and she'd be on a leash for a long time plus be grounded from all source of life for a good month - she gave me the biggest glare youve ever seen, told me I was insane, no one waits anymore, all the other kids do it ect...

Secret, have fun, but be good or Im comming to New Z to yell at you to



:


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## Secret22 (Jan 13, 2006)

New_Image said:


> CAM I agree but its not uncommon for them to be doing 'more then dateing' by 14/15, I have a 14 year old cousin who had a "sleep over" with her boyfriend - Her parents are twits and all she got was a slight talking to (That would be the day..) But I let her have it, she wasnt happy with me. I let her know that if she was my kid her boyfriend would be by by and she'd be on a leash for a long time plus be grounded from all source of life for a good month - she gave me the biggest glare youve ever seen, told me I was insane, no one waits anymore, all the other kids do it ect...
> 
> Secret, have fun, but be good or Im comming to New Z to yell at you to
> 
> ...






: Always



:


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## Lisa (Jan 14, 2006)

WOW! :new_shocked: I think I'm old fashioned too...even though I'm not old! I had my first boyfriend at 16, almost 17! I didn't do "you know what" til I was 20... All I have to say is...

BE CAREFUL!!!!

How old is this guy? Has your parents met him?



> Its only a date at my house while my Mums at work.


Did your mom know this??? Wow... yah.... just be careful eh? We don't want you to get hurt and boys that age really do have a lot of hormones, so do girls and sometimes things happen that you aren't prepared for and happen before you realize it!



:

ETA: Sorry! I know you just wanted to share your excitement. It can be very exciting, we just all worry for you and the other younger members. I'm glad you are having fun! Just make sure it is always on your terms!


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## Secret22 (Jan 14, 2006)

Sam is 13, same age as me. he is very polite and kind as well as humourous. Mum and Dad have both met him and like him much. His Dad is a laywer and Sam is much like his Dad - a real gentlemen.

Don't worry Lisa, I won't be doing "you know what" till Im at least 25 for sure - Okay maybe not that old but still I am a long way off. Mum and Dad would cut my fingers off lol if I done it before 16 lol.

I just met Sams older brother because Sam lives right next to us and he is sooooooo shy lol.

Dont worry - I wont do ANYTHING stupid!!!!!!!!


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## shortymisty (Jan 14, 2006)

I'm happy for you in getting the "first" boyfriend but as you know here it comes, my daughter is your age and she's not allowed to "date" until 25. OK kidding, please be careful this is a very impressionable time and you sound very mature at 13 and hopefully will make the right decisions as I hope my daughter will as it seems you are well-informed by your mum as my daughter is by me, but there are those times when you just forget, please always remember that you are in control and have the last word. My daughter-in-law's son just announed at 17 that he's a "daddy" and quite proud of it :new_shocked: . I told my daughter if she every did that at that age, there would be no 18 :bgrin , ok kidding again. Have fun, OH and what movie are you going to see?


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## Lauralee (Jan 14, 2006)

DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW THIS IS HAPPENING?


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## ~LadyBug~ (Jan 14, 2006)

*13??? Dang, and I thought boys still had cooties at that age! :new_shocked: :bgrin *

Im 17 and havent had a serious relationship, and I agree that theres no need to 'label' anything. The guys I hang out with are alot of fun, but immature and trouble makers, so I would never actually seriously date them.

If I meet a guy that is mature and doing something with is life, and knows how to treat a girl, then we will talk about 'dating'



:

Please be careful and tell your mom whats going on.

Ashley


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## KrisP (Jan 14, 2006)

*OH MY CHILD!! You are SOOOOO lucky you're not my child, this would NOT be going on!* Oh my, if this is the way kids are today then yep, yet again it's a good thing I don't have any!! Any thoughts of dating at 13 and I'd keep you so busy you'd be to exausted to even THINK about boys!



:

Krisp


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## tuffsmom (Jan 14, 2006)

Well, congrats on your Boyfriend! LoL, that has to be exciting for you. You sound like any other typical teenager, all giddy & giggly. You'll make good choices...I know you will.



:


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## EAD Minis (Jan 14, 2006)

Ya my parents tried to keep me from having a boyfriend and going to partys and still dont like it so I end up sneaking out the window of my bedroom and shimmieing down our pole (thanx to our new porch) I am very responsible and I dont see why they wouldnt let me go.It just caused me to sneak out...I know its bad but im not aloud to do ANY THING so I have to go behind there backs.Im just letting you parents know this so maybe you wont have to go throught what my parents are going through...especialy since I'm ther oldest and they have no clue wats going on.They havnt cought me yet!!Please dont flame my parents though its more me doing it then them....congrats on ur bf and hope ur double date goes well!!!



: ooo and just to let you know I dont do anything I shouldnt be doing...


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## Secret22 (Jan 14, 2006)

We are meeting up at lunch. Don't worry guys! I would never do anything I shouldn't - NEVER. Its not gonna happen, nope its not lol. I will make good choices and I know I have the last word and nothing nothing nothing is is going to happen



: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Feather1414 (Jan 14, 2006)

Secret22 said:


> We are meeting up at lunch. Don't worry guys! I would never do anything I shouldn't - NEVER. Its not gonna happen, nope its not lol. I will make good choices and I know I have the last word and nothing nothing nothing is is going to happen
> 
> 
> 
> : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Hey Secret, I do fully trust you. I am 16, but younger at heart. I can say that I have only dated one guy, but it wasn't too serious. However, he started to go against my wishes and I would firmly tell him "NO" but he wouldnt listen. My advice to you... if he starts trying ANYTHING funny, lock yourself in the bathroom ((preferably with a phone if you can manage it )) and just stay there. Don't let him in no matter what. A lot can happen when you are alone, and it doesn't always go too well.

Anyways, have fun!


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## minimama (Jan 14, 2006)

Geese, I am with you all the way!!! My 19 year old barely gets let out of the house unsupervised! I would never in a million years allow a thirteen year old to date and definitely not home alone with a boy. OMG!!!

But then I am a bit of aprude I guess and very very old fashioned too. I like it that way though.



One Ritz-C-Kid said:


> Ya my parents tried to keep me from having a boyfriend and going to partys and still dont like it so I end up sneaking out the window of my bedroom and shimmieing down our pole (thanx to our new porch) I am very responsible and I dont see why they wouldnt let me go.It just caused me to sneak out...I know its bad but im not aloud to do ANY THING so I have to go behind there backs.Im just letting you parents know this so maybe you wont have to go throught what my parents are going through...especialy since I'm ther oldest and they have no clue wats going on.They havnt cought me yet!!Please dont flame my parents though its more me doing it then them....congrats on ur bf and hope ur double date goes well!!!
> 
> 
> 
> : ooo and just to let you know I dont do anything I shouldnt be doing...


Saying you are responsible and then saying you sneak out, is really a contradiction in terms Trystan. Very poor choices you are making with your life there. What if something happened to you or to your parents while you were out and they would not even know you were gone. We all make bad decisions some times, but this sounds like it happens too often and that would be a consistent bad choice. Not good for you or anyone else. I hope you will consider that your parents may just knwo some things you don't and have a very good reason for making their rules for their house, which by the way you are living in rent free.


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## Secret22 (Jan 14, 2006)

I am counting down the minutes till he gets here. But darn it is only 10.00am and he is coming at lunchtime. Nothing is going to happen and plus my two best best mates are dating and they are gonna be there with us - completely safe. We are not going to do things stupid for sure!!


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## nootka (Jan 14, 2006)

Just want to say that you might want to make sure there are no "spur of the moment" decisions on anyone's part, to make an irretrievable "mistake."

I myself had "boyfriends" when I was in high school, but we were NEVER alone in each other's company, we always had a group of adults with us as in school, or were in a public place such as a movie theatre or mall.

Never riding alone in a car, and never alone in a home with each other or another couple.

These were hand-holding type boyfriends, more friends than anything else, and I would not change that for the WORLD. I NEVER look back and wish I'd gotten "more serious" while in high school. I don't think anyone is truly emotionally ready for the complexity that is involved with serious romantic relationships.

You need time to practice and explore being good friends with someone, and learning how to be a good friend first of all.

I waited until a few years after I left high school to get more serious with anyone, and I was probably premature at that, given my emotional immaturity due to childhood circumstances. Still, I expect at least 18 for my kids.

Please be careful. Good intentions easily get tossed aside in the heat of the moment.

You will never regret waiting, and if he thinks you don't need to wait, then he is not respecting you, and that is ultimately the deciding factor on whether or not he is "for real".

Best wishes,

Liz M.


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## Ashley (Jan 14, 2006)

Never say never. Things happen, mistakes are made.

That said, the fact that you cant even say "the word" tells me you are not anywhere near close enough to be dateing.


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## Secret22 (Jan 14, 2006)

Ashley I didnt say 'the word' because I thought I might get in trouble by Mary Lou if I said the word sex on a public forum.

Anyways we had a great time. We had lunch and then his dad gave us a lift to the beach and we went surfing. GREAT FUN!!


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## runamuk (Jan 14, 2006)

justaboutgeese said:


> I was just going to add to the last post. My girls are just reaching the age where I trust them to go out, that would be 35 and 37. At thirteen they were only allowed school activities that were co-ed. Guess I am really old fashioned. But if your mom approves have fun.


:aktion033: :aktion033: :aktion033:

hee hee

I am with you Goose my oldest boy is 14 and he is NOT allowed to date....serious boyfriend/girlfriend stuff etc......he has a girl at his school who is 14 and knocked up....so we have had some pretty in depth conversation on this subject.......he is currently less concerned about dating and more ticked off at my stance on football and weightlifting...which isn't allowed until at least 16.......sorry boys grow later and I don't want him wrecking his body by 20




:



One Ritz-C-Kid said:


> Ya my parents tried to keep me from having a boyfriend and going to partys and still dont like it so I end up sneaking out the window of my bedroom and shimmieing down our pole (thanx to our new porch) I am very responsible and I dont see why they wouldnt let me go.It just caused me to sneak out...I know its bad but im not aloud to do ANY THING so I have to go behind there backs.Im just letting you parents know this so maybe you wont have to go throught what my parents are going through...especialy since I'm ther oldest and they have no clue wats going on.They havnt cought me yet!!Please dont flame my parents though its more me doing it then them....congrats on ur bf and hope ur double date goes well!!!
> 
> 
> 
> : ooo and just to let you know I dont do anything I shouldnt be doing...


I don't consider sneaking out responsible.....and for the record NO ONE not even parents make someone do something...so there is no way your parents are MAKING you sneak out...you are choosing to make this poor decision on your own. And for your parents sake and yours I hope nothing bad happens to you.

And you are doing something you shouldn't by sneaking out.....once you decide thats ok it is very easy to decide the next bad decision is ok and so on it goes.......

This lack of respect for parents is very sad as kids seem to consider it normal....and kids are now doing these things as young as 8-9 :no: :no: :no:


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## Secret22 (Jan 14, 2006)

Yahoo, tomorrow we are going to get together again and hopefully go for another surf. Yipee! Then come home in time for lunch. :bgrin


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## Feather1414 (Jan 15, 2006)

Secret22 said:


> Yahoo, tomorrow we are going to get together again and hopefully go for another surf. Yipee! Then come home in time for lunch. :bgrin



I am glad you had fun. Trust me, doing something like surfing, and hanging out at the beach is WAY more fun then staying in a house on a couch. Who wants to constantly "snuggle" anyways?


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## Dr. Pam (Jan 15, 2006)

I am so glad you had a good time. I love to watch surfing....never tried it and I cause a "whale sighting" at this point :new_shocked:


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## Secret22 (Jan 15, 2006)

Yea surfing is cool. Especially when you have a boy there to perve at lol na just jokes. Yesterday was freaky because my leg rope got tangled around my neck and was strangling me after I fell off a big wave the tumbled me. It was sooooo scary I couldnt breath and I some how managed to turn around and slide it off. We went today and it was cool. I love having a boy around to have fun with!!


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## SammyL (Jan 15, 2006)

I am 16 years old, and my parents are not allowing me to date yet!

But it is so big deal, I can wait.

I do have more guy friends, then girl friends. Guys are so much fun to be around. And to tell the truth I do have a crush on one of my friends, but he will never know, I don't want it to ruin our relationship as friends. I like us just the way we are for now...friends! :bgrin

Good luck with your boyfriend though Secret22


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## Secret22 (Jan 15, 2006)

Its just cool havig a guy around. It makes me feel more secure aswell and its loads of fun.


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## Ashley (Jan 16, 2006)

You should never need another person to make you feel secure.


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## OhHorsePee (Jan 16, 2006)

Boy, sounds like you did a lot in a short amount of time. I can't believe at your age talking about "perving" at a boy! I can't believe your parents are approving of this. Of course, if they would ever see this post they might change their minds. And as for security, Ashley is right. I believe if your parents would set you more limits you could have more sense of security. Not flaming you just VERY concerned of your wordage and possibilities of what can happen. And since you feel "secure" when you are with a boy, chances are it will. Security comes from within.

Good luck Secret22!

Fran


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## Secret22 (Jan 16, 2006)

Well actually I feel more secure because when im surfing I have him around me and I am scared of sharks so it makes me feel more secure. Is that a crime??????


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## mis fit farms (Jan 16, 2006)

ooooh so glad you had fun!!!!!



: i would love to surf but im in kentucky so no surfin' for me. hay i dont hurt to look just dont touch!!! if all less fails scream thats my motto!!!!! guy are fun but can be stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



: no sharks for me !


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## tigeresss (Jan 16, 2006)

Thought I might as well noodle on in here. Firstly...

runamuk-You are SO smart for setting limits for your son regarding weight lifting. I have two friends (one in particular) that starting weight lifting a lot, and going to the gym a lot and this started in grade seven. It stunted his growth, his body is all misproportioned and ever since he started going to the gym his body has been so messed up. So high five for doing that...I know that not very many parents even think about that but it's a serious problem.

Now onto the boy thing...I don't want to sound like I'm preaching or anything just take it as it is.

I'm 18(well in 9days) years old and I had my first "real" boyfriend when I was 13 and 14 years old. I don't think it's wrong for a 13year old to have a boyfriend and just kiss but if he tries anything more with you stop right there because you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Even if you think you won't...you may not for say four years but sooner or later you will.

I think it's really creepy and strange that I've been reading that parents have banned their children sixteen and over from dating or hanging out with guys...I know it's different for every area but here the age of consent is 14years old. I think if you have to ban your children from things like that then really maybe you don't have much trust in your son or daughter that they won't do anything funky. Then again I think when I have kids I'll probably end up being the same...mainly because I know tons of parents who tell me how wonderful their kids are and how they would never do drugs or have sex etc. Yet I know that the night before I walked in on them having sex and getting high. So I can understand why a parent would be suspicious of their child.

I don't know where I'm going with this...

Secret22-Just wanted to say I'm glad you had a fab time. You don't need to keep the mentality that sex is bad unless you're married but remember a 13 year old shouldn't be having sex and really...you'll love yourself a lot more if you save it until you're atleast over 16. Then again if you (or any young person) is going to be having sex at 13/14/15 or even at any age make sure you know as much as you can about it. Make sure you use protection (i.e. a condom), make sure that you are doing it for YOURSELF not anyone else and not any other reason. I'm deffinetly not saying that having sex is your intention because you've clearly said it's not so I hope you'll take it as helpful tips rather than something negative. So have fun with your new boyfriend wahoo!


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## CAM (Jan 16, 2006)

tigeresss said:


> I think it's really creepy and strange that I've been reading that parents have banned their children sixteen and over from dating or hanging out with guys...I know it's different for every area but here the age of consent is 14years old. I think if you have to ban your children from things like that then really maybe you don't have much trust in your son or daughter that they won't do anything funky. Then again I think when I have kids I'll probably end up being the same...mainly because I know tons of parents who tell me how wonderful their kids are and how they would never do drugs or have sex etc. Yet I know that the night before I walked in on them having sex and getting high. So I can understand why a parent would be suspicious of their child.
> 
> I don't know where I'm going with this...
> 
> Secret22-Just wanted to say I'm glad you had a fab time. You don't need to keep the mentality that sex is bad unless you're married but remember a 13 year old shouldn't be having sex and really...you'll love yourself a lot more if you save it until you're atleast over 16. Then again if you (or any young person) is going to be having sex at 13/14/15 or even at any age make sure you know as much as you can about it. Make sure you use protection (i.e. a condom), make sure that you are doing it for YOURSELF not anyone else and not any other reason. I'm deffinetly not saying that having sex is your intention because you've clearly said it's not so I hope you'll take it as helpful tips rather than something negative. So have fun with your new boyfriend wahoo!


Oh dear goodness! Now I get a good picture of why young children are doing the things they are doing these days. Children see things so differently than parents. Tigeresss, please don't tell a young child it is ok to have sex as long as they wait until they are say, 16 years old. She needs to wait until she is married. Period!! As a coming "adult" you should be a good role model for this child or say nothing at all. This is not something to take likely and it shouldn't be treated as such. Young children are very malleable and can be led to believe sex is ok as long as you use protection. I would say most children do not even know how to use protection correctly and the only 100% guarantee for not getting pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted disease is ABSTINENCE! Age does not mean maturity. Maturity comes with life experiences. I hope in the future you will choose your words carefully and not condone this type of behavior with children of any age.

Edited to add: Parents that choose to not allow their children to participate in risky behavior are taking their parenting roll very seriously. If more parents were as involved in their children's lives as those who monitor the activities of their children on a regular basis then we would probably have less pregnancies, drug dependencies and subsequent deaths. A parent's trust must be earned by a child proving they are worthy of being trusted.


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## ForMyACDs (Jan 16, 2006)

Sorry guys.......I have to pipe in here. How about another point of view.

I was one of those girls with a boyfriend at a young age. My parents wouldn't let me do anything with friends, but if I had a boyfriend I was allowed. I was 14 and went over to the boyfriend's house to play board games with the family and friends. I didn't like the guy much, but by having a boyfriend I could do things with friends. The visit was supposed to be supervised and my parents even called to verify that adults would be there. Guess what? I don't know how it got worked around the system, but there were NO parents there when I arrived and guess what else? At the age of 14 I was raped. If his parents had not pulled in the drive it would have been by not one but TWO guys as his friend was waiting in the wings.

BE CAREFUL!!!! NO ONE should go thru this.


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## tigeresss (Jan 16, 2006)

CAM-I deffinetly respect your beliefs but I can't agree with you. I do not believe that sex should just be for marriage. What about people that don't get married? I'm very much against that for quite a few reasons that are beyond the point. I wasn't saying it was good, or ok to have sex at a young age what I was saying was that should that be something she decides to do then she should be aware of both the consequences and how to protect herself. By only telling her that abstinence is the way to go she is not getting the facts and should she decide to have sex she would haev no clue about protection. This is a difference that Canadian schools often compare with American, as from what we've learned many american schools teach only the abstinence program. According to recent stats this has led to an INCREASE in youth pregnancies as youth are NOT getting the facts.

Sex is an adult behavior, so to decide whether or not it's something you can do at this time (this goes for adults too) you need to think to yourself...am I willing to go through an abortion OR have a baby if I get pregnant, am I adult enough to handle this, do I understand FULLY the consequences, am I in a long term relationship that I can easily talk about sex to my partner with, are we mature enough to use effective methods of birth control, (i.e. the B/C pill AND/or condoms *remember never use a female condom and a male condom at the same time*)...Do i know enough about sex and birth control methods as well as STI/STD preventions and do you know all about the STDs? Am I comfortable enough with my body to do this? Regardless of your age if you said no to any of those things you are NOT ready for sex.

Make sure you and your partner are totally clear abotu how far you are willing to go. Remember if you kiss back you are saying "yes this is ok". Remember NO is a very good word and make sure he (or she) knows that NO means NO!

Yes I know a rediculous amount about sex and sex related things, that's because I have a whole bookshelf filled with sex books. I have those books because I was (still not sure if I'm going to do it or not) planning on being a sexual health educator, or a sexual therapist. Scary thing is I've talked to many adults and youth alike that know very little about sex and are very naive about the subject. Something that really shouldn't be happening.

Oh...wanted to add..

If a youth has come to the conclusion that "yes im ready for sex" then think to yourself...Why? Why do I want to have sex? Apart from the fact that it might maek me feel good why would I want to have it? Think about that and recognize your reaction. Will it be spread around school? What would your parents say if they found out? Do you respect their thoughts on the subject? A sex educator up here says a good line frequently... â€œKNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, THINK AHEAD, PLAN AHEAD, NEVER LET SEX JUST HAPPEN AND ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFER SEX.â€


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## stormo41 (Jan 16, 2006)

i'm with tigeresss on this one. I myslef do not plan on getting married, i'm almost 18 years old and i'm pretty much set in my ways. I do have a boyfriend, and we know marriage is not in our future that does not mean we will not spend the rest of our lives together (if things work out that way noting my age  ). do if i never plan on getting married does that mean i should also plan on never having sex? I would think not! i know lots of people (friends, and relatives) that don't like my view on marriage and sex, mostly because they are religious (as you may of guessed I am not religious, i am an atheist). the thing i find most common with these friends and relatives is they think that i'm going to sleep around with every guy i meet. I usaly tell them that i know about safe sex and all that stuff, but also that i believe there is a big differnce between having sex and making love, and i never plan on having sex. now that my speach is done

BACK ON TOPIC!

I'm very happy that you and boyfriend are having a good time together Secret22!


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## CAM (Jan 16, 2006)

tigeresss said:


> CAM-I deffinetly respect your beliefs but I can't agree with you. I do not believe that sex should just be for marriage.* What about people that don't get married?* I'm very much against that for quite a few reasons that are beyond the point. I wasn't saying it was good, or ok to have sex at a young age what I was saying was that should that be something she decides to do then she should be aware of both the consequences and how to protect herself. By only telling her that abstinence is the way to go she is not getting the facts and should she decide to have sex she would haev no clue about protection. *This is a difference that Canadian schools often compare with American, as from what we've learned many american schools teach only the abstinence program. * According to recent stats this has led to an INCREASE in youth pregnancies as youth are NOT getting the facts.
> 
> *Sex is an adult behavior, so to decide whether or not it's something you can do at this time (this goes for adults too) you need to think to yourself...am I willing to go through an abortion OR have a baby if I get pregnant, am I adult enough to handle this, do I understand FULLY the consequences,* am I in a long term relationship that I can easily talk about sex to my partner with, are we mature enough to use effective methods of birth control, (i.e. the B/C pill AND/or condoms *remember never use a female condom and a male condom at the same time*)...Do i know enough about sex and birth control methods as well as STI/STD preventions and do you know all about the STDs? Am I comfortable enough with my body to do this? Regardless of your age if you said no to any of those things you are NOT ready for sex.
> 
> ...


Those that don't get married should not be having sex. Now that is a biblical belief that I have that some are sure to disagree with but it is my firm belief.

If only the statement were true about the American schools. Unfortunately, the big debate here in the U.S. is that parents are upset that abstinence is NOT taught in the schools. It seems to be taking a direction quite the opposite in fact, condoms are being handed out in the schools and children are getting pregnant because all the facts are not presented. A condom given to a child does not guarantee no pregnancy. In fact, it can produce quite the opposite effect when the child feels the condom will prevent a pregnancy and in the "heat of the moment" it isn't used properly or is not used at all. Many children may opt not to have sex if they didn't feel the false sense of security.

You said yourself that sex is an adult behavior. It should not be considered an option for a child. The decision to have sex should be made between a man and a woman within a marriage and it does not show maturity to consider the decision to have a sexual relationship with someone simply as whether you are willing to have an abortion or keep the baby. Those are situations I would wish no child to be presented with as the level of maturity is not there to make an informed decision. How many 13, 14, 15, or 16+ year olds are capable of raising a child on their own or understand the true consequences and lasting guilt associated with having an abortion? My guess is that most children have no idea what either of those options really, truly mean nor have the ability to consider the lifetime of adjustments and feelings that must be made or endured if these situations truly presented themselves.

A young girl does not have the maturity to have a responsible discussion with a boy, or vice versa, about how far they are "willing to go". Things can, and do, get carried away in the "heat of the moment" and no child, in my opinion, is mature enough to make that decision.

No one is considered a sex expert or sex savy by merely reading books alone. It quite frankly astounds me that a girl your age has her hands on books of that nature as it sounds like you have been "researching" for some time. Many kids have been put in troubling situations by parents or life experiences that shouldn't be. It is unfortunate, but I for one, although not naive, will continue to be an advocate for my children and will make sure they have all the knowledge they need to help them tackle many of life's challenges in the years ahead. I will hope and pray that they make good decisions based on what they are taught. If not, I pray that they will get caught.



:

Secret~it sounds like you have had some good advice here and hopefully your parents will continue to have reason to trust you and set appropriate limits amidst the difficult things your family is going through. Keep your head screwed on straight and as my father-in-law always said, "It's time to straighten up and fly right". Let's hope you continue to do so.


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## SammyL (Jan 16, 2006)

I just wanted to add..I believe that you should wait to have sex until you are married and not before! That is of course if you have a choice. That is the best way in my mind.

I am 16 years old, and I have lots of guys as friends, but I will not allow myself to be pressured into anything. I know your probably thinking, 'just wait and you'll change your mind' but I don't think I will. My morals and values are strong, unbreakable. My parents have taught me to be careful, and I see enough mistakes happen in highschool. I don't want to be part of the statistics. One of my older sister's friends, who is 19, he may be 20 now, I haven't seen him in a long time, he is in the army, is still a virgin. If he can do it, get through highscool, and life, without falling prey to temptations, so can I! I really look up to him.





Sorry, I just wanted to add what I was thinking.


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## mininik (Jan 16, 2006)

"I believe that you should wait to have sex until you are married and not before!"

Well, that simply wouldn't work for someone like me. Sexual compatibility with your partner is important, IMO, and something I want to know about before tying the knot.




:


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## CAM (Jan 16, 2006)

envypoodles said:


> Well, that simply wouldn't work for someone like me. Sexual compatibility with your partner is important, IMO, and something I want to know about before tying the knot.
> 
> 
> 
> :


"Sex does not a good relationship make."



: It only helps to solidify an otherwise already strong bond.


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## mininik (Jan 16, 2006)

I know sex doesn't _make_ a relationship, but it can break one up...



:


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## tigeresss (Jan 16, 2006)

envypoodles-True very true I completely agree. This is a big reason for divorce surprisingly enough...


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## Secret22 (Jan 17, 2006)

Wow guys, um thanks for all the advice but I am not planning on having sex anytime soon and I wont take any presure. But thanks any way!

I won't be having sex or even thinking about it for quite a while!!


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## ForMyACDs (Jan 17, 2006)

Secret22 said:


> Wow guys, um thanks for all the advice but I am not planning on having sex anytime soon and I wont take any presure. But thanks any way!
> 
> I won't be having sex or even thinking about it for quite a while!!


I guess you may have passed by my point. I too had no plans for having sex or even thinking about it. I didn't cave to pressure. I was attacked because I was in a vulnerable position. A position that my parents helped to put me in. Nope, now a days it takes more than moral fortitiude. BE CAREFUL!!


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## stormo41 (Jan 17, 2006)

... fftopic: this girl just wanted to tell us good news. i know i was off topic when i posted but i said it and i also went back on topic. she says she does not want to have sex for a very long time and thats what your all worried about so just leave it alone. how would you feel if you wanted to share news that was good to you and people preached to you about something you were never going to do in the first place?

lets get back on topic people.


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