# Got husbands results



## Taylor Jo (Sep 30, 2009)

Well good news first. He's got emphysema of the lungs. Bad news. He's got Stage 4 cancer of the lungs, left kidney, and liver. They gave him 6 mths to live if they do nothing. If they do something he could live 3 mths to 5 years. He goes for a port a cath tomorrow and starts chemo for 6 mths starting Oct 14th. While at the Drs' the other day he was complaing of shortness of breath so they went and drained him so more of fluid on the lungs and took off almost 2 L of fluid. They don't know where the fluid is coming from and have to figure that out. They may glue the lining of his lungs and the lung together to prevent the fluid build up or put a tube in is chest and have him drain it when he gets SOB. But right now they just want to get him started on the chemo.

His family has started to arrive and are visiting. He's enjoying that and doing very well. It's helped a lot having that fluid drained so he can breath to talk and move around a bit. So we'll see what takes place. I'll keep you all informed. TJ


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## bfogg (Sep 30, 2009)

I am sorry to hear about his diagnosis. Prayers said and good luck.






Hugs

Bonnie


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## Horse Feathers (Sep 30, 2009)

I am so sorry about your husband.

BIG HUG


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## Sterling (Sep 30, 2009)

I'm so glad he's keeping up the good spirits and his family is gathering around. I'm so sorry to hear that it was not better news. Take care....prayers and good thoughts.


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## Barbie (Sep 30, 2009)

Was hoping for better news. I'm glad family i gathering around. Prayers, good thoughts and hugs to you both.

Barbie


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## GOTTACK (Sep 30, 2009)

So sorry, you both are in my prayers and thoughts.

Lisa


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## HGFarm (Sep 30, 2009)

I am SO SORRY to hear this diagnosis. I feel for you. The fluid is from the cancer... my Other Half lost almost EIGHTY POUNDS of fluid by the time he got done with his chemo treatments!! It was the worst thing I ever saw, and filled his entire body from his toes to his armpits. Good thing he's a BIG guy. It looked like a cartoon-I've never seen anything like it. After his 2nd chemo, it started to let up as the chemo was affecting the cancer cells to stop producing the fluid.

I am just at a loss of words.... I dont know that there is anything that could be more devistating. It's going to be rough.. keep your chins up. Sending truck loads of hugs your way!!!!


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## minie812 (Sep 30, 2009)

My prayers are with you and hubby


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## Magic (Sep 30, 2009)

I wish that the results could have been better, I'm so sorry.



I hope that the treatments give him as much quality time as possible. {{{{hugs}}}}


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## REO (Sep 30, 2009)

I'm so sorry. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to you both. {{{{hugs}}}}


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## Mona (Sep 30, 2009)

Oh no, I am so sorry that you have received such terrible news. Will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad he is enjoying his time with his family.


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## bluetaterbaby (Oct 1, 2009)

I'm so sorry about this. I'm glad the doctors know what the problem is. My prayers are there for y'all. May God bring healing to his body while supplying all needs. We're here for you.

God bless,

Joan


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## Charlene (Oct 1, 2009)

i'm so sorry you didn't get better news. i know way more about kidney cancer than i ever wanted to but i can tell you, there are several new chemo drugs out there that are showing great promise is halting the progression of this disease. best of luck to you both, you will be in my thoughts and prayers!


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## miniwhinny (Oct 1, 2009)

Oh TJ I'm so sorry. I'm at a loss for words so I'll just send HUGE ((((((((HUGS)))))))) I'm so glad that his family is there and that he's having fun visiting with them

(((HUGS))) TJ


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## Sonya (Oct 1, 2009)

I am sorry, sending prayers and good thoughts. Hugs.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 1, 2009)

Thanks guy's for the support I appreciate it. People have told me to go too face book, etc., but this here is my family, I belong here. I didn't know that about the fluid.

Today we went to the Surgery Center and got a Port a Cath in the sub clavin for his chemo so they don't have to use his veins. We got there at 9 am and didn't get home till after 5 pm. We were exhausted, my husbands son and daughter and law fixed us a taco dinner and his son had done some projects for my husband. Love you all, TJ


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## Magic (Oct 2, 2009)

I'm so glad to hear that your husband's family is supportive. That will help so much. Hang in there girl, and don't forget to take care of yourself too!


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## bcody (Oct 2, 2009)

TJ, I am sorry you did not get better news. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I am glad that his family is here, for him and for you. You know we are here for you.


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## Connie P (Oct 2, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear this diagnosis. I will keep your husband and your entire family in my prayers.


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## Miniature217 (Oct 2, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear that my prayers are comming to you and your hubby.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 3, 2009)

*Oct 3, 09. Yesterday went and got my husbands final report that was from his oncology Dr. which was his Pathology report. It say's "FOR THE PATIENT THE PROGNOSIS IS "VERY" POOR" hOWEVER, the drug named ........... is known to treat this type of tumor well. His chances of survival are DIM. *

Social: His wife rises short horse for a living. (LOL)

Family: Very support

Patient: Wanting to go ahead with treatment even though outlook is Dim. Pt aware of this.

This is what I read yesterday with the whole family here, I DID NOT have a good day yesterday cause I was unware of all that, as was my husband.


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## rockin r (Oct 3, 2009)

I am sooo very sorry to read this







Someone (??????) tells me all the time to stay postitive, and live each day to the fullest. love each other as you have never loved before. It may or may not change the outcome, but daily life will be easier. Cherrish every moment.. My heart goes out to you and your family...Hugs to you my friend.....Theresa


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## crponies (Oct 3, 2009)

Praying for you and your husband. This would definitely be some very tough news to get.


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## Jill (Oct 3, 2009)

TJ, I am so sorry







I don't know what to say, but this would be my worst nightmare for my husband to be in that situation. Stay strong, and pursue that treatment. I am just so sorry!


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## Charlene (Oct 3, 2009)

TJ, can you remember the name of the drug?

i've been down this road, i know what you're going through right now and i'm so sorry.


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## Littleum (Oct 3, 2009)

TJ, we're so very sorry and are thinking of you both.


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## loveminis (Oct 3, 2009)

I dont know what to say..... I'm sending some prayers





You are a strong lady


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 3, 2009)

He has a "renal (L. Kidney) mass, mutiple lung and liver masses and emphsyema along with lymphadenopathy." Stage IV poorly differentiated cancer.

The drug their going to use is Temsirolimus. Median overall survival times in the interferon group (if they use interferon) the temsirolimus group and the combination-threapy group were 7.3, 10.9 and 8.4 months

Conclusions: As compared with the interferon alfa, temsirolimus improved overall survival among patients with metastatic renal-cell carcinoma and a poor prognosis.

No matter how you slice it, it doesn't sound good. Thank you all so much for your heart felt prayers, thoughts and loving kindness. I feel it upon these pages as I read them. I feel the love and the hurt you also feel for me and my husband. I SOOOO appreciate it. These past few day's have been horrific for me. I can't sleep for fear he'll die in his sleep so I keep waking up checking on him. I just so scared to death. Getting this report yesterday has hit me like a ton of bricks and then having his family here has put me on an emotional rollercoaster. On on my daughter in laws was soooo wonderful and she left today and I'm just beside myself I miss her soooo much. Everytime I think about her being gone I cry. She was so helpful and a wonderful emotional support. It's almost painful not having them here. His other son and his wife and family are here now and their wonderful and it's nice to have them here, but their not Kenny and Lynne. I know we'll be ok and they said they'd come back, but when my husband goes will I still have these wonderful people or will they all go away, it really scares me. My step daughter who lives here, I cause just feel the ooze of dislike from her. Yesterday was NOT a comfortable day being around her. While all the women were in the kitchen getting dinner ready and she was bossying everyone around I went out to the barn to feed horses.

I spent an hour out there enjoying my world and didn't have to spend it with her. I was in 7th heaven, then Kenny came out and helped me and we talked. Then it was time to go back in and go back to reality. I hugged him on the way back in and told him how much I appreciated all what him and Lynne did for us while they were here. They REALLY enjoyed the mini's and Velvet the biggy. They helped me feed, water, clean stalls, it was nice to have the extra help.

Love to you all, TJ


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## twister (Oct 3, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear this TJ, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband.

<hugs> Yvonne


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## wildoak (Oct 3, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband has such a poor prognosis. It's wonderful that his family is rallying around him and is there for you as well. Be strong, you have our prayers too.

Jan


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## Charlene (Oct 3, 2009)

Temsirolimus is one of the new drugs being used against kidney cancer. gary started out with interferon, graduated to Sorafenib but Temsirolimus had not yet been approved by the time he reached the end.

TJ, do NOT look at the statistics for median survival rate. they will only discourage you and you MUST think positively. your attitude will go a very long way in keeping your husband's outlook bright. gary was given 6 to 9 months when he was diagnosed at stage IV renal cell carcinoma. he lived another 21 months. a LOT can happen in that span of time. there is research being done and new drugs being discovered every day. please try to be positive and you get busy and FIGHT for your man!

i urge you to go to the kidney cancer association website. there are tons of helpful people there and the website is VERY up-to-date on current treatments and options.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 4, 2009)

Oh thank you Charlene I have been so overwhelemed with the news that I have just been devastated. I WILL fight for him, I just have to know what to fight for. I'm so happy to hear this is a new drug. His Dr hasn't told us BUNK...... It's VERY discouraging when they don't say anything..... Thanks again all, TJ


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## Jill (Oct 4, 2009)

TJ --

Is there a "Cancer Center" around you within any reasonable distance? As opposed to just a stand alone doctor or stand alone oncologist?

I ask because when I saw the oncologist, he was part of a big, multi location cancer center which was a very, very nice facility. While waiting to talk to the doctor, I read through the materials they gave me and they really have a big amount of services, more so than I think a single doctor could provide. They also participate in drug trials. If I were going to need treatment, I felt like it was really good to go the big time cancer center route, vs. a single doctor.

I am praying very hard for you and your husband.

Jill


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## Charlene (Oct 4, 2009)

TJ, i do know how overwhelming this diagnosis is. here is the website i was talking about...

http://www.kidneycancerassociation.org/

i haven't been there for a very long time but when i did go during gary's illness, the people there were wonderful and very knowledgeable. something you should do is keep a note pad with you at all times. when questions or ideas occur to you, write them down and take it with you to your next doctor appointment. the first couple of appointments we had with gary's oncologist, i took a little tape recorder. so much of the talk is technical, hard to understand, but since i had it on tape, i could do my research much easier.

something else, and i agree with jill on this...get a second opinion if you don't feel comfortable with this doctor. your oncologist should be willing to take as much time as you need to answer your questions and discuss your options. a doctor that brushes you off, just because the diagnosis is grim, does not have your husband's best interests at heart. gary's oncologist was WONDERFUL! he spent a lot of time with us at each appointment and never left the room until he had answered all of our questions satisfactorily. it was very important to me to have a doctor we could trust and who would take time to encourage us. i can't say enough about him...i still keep in contact with him. occasionally, if i'm in the city, i will drop by his office just to say hi.

did the doctor explain side effects to you and how to lessen them? did he give you any printed materials to look at? it's so important for you to know what to expect. when you have an idea of what is coming, it's so much easier to deal with. and i cannot stress enough...do NOT go by what you read on the internet. i made that mistake. i came home after that first appointment and did a search of kidney cancer. everything i saw made me frantic until i found the KCA website!


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## Basketmiss (Oct 5, 2009)

Oh so sorry TJ to hear this. Here is a HUGE (((HUG))) for you both during this time. I say just love him and spend every minute with him. Hopefully the new drugs Charlene was talking about will help him stay with you longer.


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## SaddleTrail (Oct 5, 2009)

I dont have the vocabulary to tell you how sorry I am for the pain your going through and will continue through in time.

Just remember there are people who will help and we are all here.

Blessings and prayers for all of you.


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## SampleMM (Oct 5, 2009)

TJ, I am also praying for you and your husband. I know you are pretty much alone and I feel for you. I realize you don't personally know me but we have a bond through Lil Beginnings and I want you to know that if you ever want an ear to listen........I would gladly be that person. I sincerely want you to call anytime day or night. My contact information is on my website. Hugs to you.

Debbie


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 6, 2009)

Thank you Debbie so very much when things get so tough I may take you up on that. However, I do have a mini friend that is SOOOOO good to me and she listens to me when I cry. To bad she lives 3 hrs away as I'd be at her door step right now. Things just seem to be going bad to worse. Everyday it's something else and I see him slipping from me.

His BP won't get under control so the primary Dr has ordered a new one finally. He's coughing gunk up from the lung cancer and I asked the pulmonary Dr for something to thin it out so he can get it up better. Today we went to the hosptial for a Doppler test for blood clots cause his feet/legs have swollen up really bad, the Oncologist ordered that and he's already on lasix.

I used to be a nurse but I never dealt with cancer pt's before but I have dealt with lungs before so that's a good thing. He's also got a fever and sore throat, so I got him some antibiotics today.

I asked him if he wanted a wheelchair or one of those chairs that have a seat on them cause he's very week and struggles with shortness of breath. They took his room air and said he's fine at the dr's. Sure he is they ONLY walk him 5 ft. Walk him 25 ft and see how he is you DUMMIES...... tickes me off.

Jill tomorrow we go to a chemo class where we get educated about the chemo. They were going to have us start the 14th but due to the leg swelling we may do it sooner he said. I asked my husband to get a 2nd opionion and he shrugged me off and doesn't want to get one. I'm going to ask his oncologist when we see him next time. I want to know about surgery IF they can do it. No ones mentioned it. ONLY CHEMO. My daughter in law whose a nurse read on the web site your telling me about that if it hasn't metas. that surgery is the first option but my husbands has so thurs the chemo.

They did try to put him on a drug trail but his type of tumor didn't qualify. The Dr said ALL our questions would be answered in this education class and afterwards if we had any questions to call him and he'd speak to us. Also he said that if any family members wanted to talk with them he'd be more then happy to sit down and talk with them or talk on the phone with them either way he was happy to, so that was nice. He's just VERY hard to understand and you have to listen very carefully and I get frustrated cause I want ALL my questions answered NOW. Plus, I want things done NOW. He's a good Dr and I LOVE his nurse she's SUPER. I feel confident in the Dr. it just drives me nuts cause I have to slow down and listen and I want answers fast.

Please from the bottom of my heart I thank you all. Jill I'll go to that web site and look at it. I NEED IT. The Dr's office IS a Oncology clinic there's like 10 Dr's there and a womens clinic for onclogy too, but I don't see any written material laying around anywhere. I'm going to call our local hospital 15 min away and ask them if they have a cancer support group. I just haven't got to it yet being so busy with appt.s it seems like everyday.

I'll let you know how the education class goes. I invited his daughter and she said IF she didn't have to go she'd just as soon stay home with the "children" which are 12, 17 and 15. So I said fine, stay home. I thought it would be good time to spend some time with her dad and get to know more about what he's going through but I was obviously wrong. Everyone has their way of handling things. Her mom died of cancer and I told her she must feel REALLY upset that now her dad has it and she very coldly said NO, it doesn't bother me. I was like "ok."

That's their battle NOT mine. Then in her next breath she say's let me know what day is good we want to come over and visit dad before he starts chemo. I was like "OK"

Strange people.........

Last night I was so exhausted I slept from 9 pm till 8 am this morning it was heavenly. I've been so terrified of going to sleep for fear of waking up and finding him passed away so I haven't been sleeping. I slept out of exhaustion. My Dr. prescribed me some ativan and told me to take 1 mg well last night I didn't take any and I still slept. IT was wonderful.......... TJ


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## HGFarm (Oct 6, 2009)

Oh this brings me to tears........ Folks here are right- do NOT give up, no matter what. Doctors have been known to be wrong, make mistakes and I dont know a single person that has an expiration date written on them anywhere!

The fluid is from the tumors and cancer- we went through this earlier this year- from toes to armpits... I was scared also that it was going to kill him before enough chemo was received. His heart and lungs were being crushed by the fluid.......

I called every cancer place I could think of.... we have a new cancer center here. They refused to help me or even send me literature (!!!) and told me to call the Cancer Society! The Cancer Society sent me a TON of booklets and info and I had it in about two days.

I will pass on to you what Fred did for us before she had to leave us here... She made drastic diet changes and said NO sugar or white flour and little or no 'processed' foods. Yes, shopping is fun because they put sugar in practically EVERYTHING. We use stevia or if we must, splenda. We switched to only fresh veggies and fruit, got fruit juice with no sugar in it (we prefer it) and really had to check the label on everything. We have gone back to the 'old way' of eating- home cooked fresh stuff with no preservatives, etc.... as much as we possibly can. I really feel that the huge diet changes we made helped him a lot. Fred (Linda) thought it had helped her a lot too and helped extend her stay here as well.

Hang in there, and I am so sorry. I hope they get onto things quickly!!!! HUGS TO YOU!!!


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## Maxi'sMinis (Oct 6, 2009)

Saying a prayer to help you to stay strong and lift you both up. Lord bless these good people with a miracle. I will be lighting a candle.


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## drk (Oct 9, 2009)

Thoughts and Prayers to you and your Husband. I also agree with everyone on seeing other Dr.s for additional opinions. Please try to be positive and stay tough as it will help him to be the same.

Keeping a positive attitude is a powerful tool against this terrible disease. And keeping a Positive mind set will help boost the immune system.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 9, 2009)

Thanks guys, yea I've been trying to tell my husband to go and get another Dr's advice and he doesn't want to hear it. ERRRR!!!!!!! My daughter in law did talk to her oncologist and he basically said the same thing though. It's gone to more then one organ and if that then they don't look at surgery as far advanced as his. His nurse practioner told me their NOT looking to get rid of the cancer, just to make him MORE comfortable. "Sigh"

They finally got him on Oxygen. They have him on a unit in the home where he can go anywhere in the house and then he has a portable unit he can take with him and it goes on wheels. He seems to be doing MUCH better on the O2.

I got him started on a website too, it's called; Carepages.com I don't know if anyone has heard of it. It's for patients and their famlies. You can have your own webpage and blog on it and have people you invite to read it and they can leave remarks, you can and they can post pictures. You can leave a profile. I'm so relieved to have this now I don't have to send out all kinds of e mails everyone can just go and check on him here, I just have to come here and there. I really like it. Plus, if you want to look others up you can or read others blogs you can.

I decided to go too the horse show in Lebanon, Mo so thought I'd leave for a few hrs and he's got my cell phone if he needs me. I think I'm leaving the horses at home as I just don't have the energy, but I can enjoy friends and the horses. I was really looking forward to taking my filly Polly and Dakota but it just takes a lot of energy and I'm just afraid I'll loose it, so you can only do what you can do.

I'm trying to remain postive. I'm doing better, but you know you go back and forth. I bought him some fruit, frozen strawberries/mixed berries, juices no sugar to make smoothies, for him. He also wanted puddings and Jello cups so I got him the no sugar ones. Thanks for the input on the veggies and sugar. I do try to give him fresh veggies but mainly it's frozen cause he eats sooooo little that everything ends up going to waste. I fix a bag of those veg's that you put in the microw. cook the whole bag and I pull them out in 4 min and I eat most of it and give him a small amount. I do have some trouble though he HATES broccli and califlower!!!!!! So I have to be creative. I take the carrots out of the mixed veg's stuff like that. I buy peas, I buy different stuff.

Well he can't find his antibiotic. Gotta run, TJ


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 9, 2009)

Thanks guys, yea I've been trying to tell my husband to go and get another Dr's advice and he doesn't want to hear it. ERRRR!!!!!!! My daughter in law did talk to her oncologist and he basically said the same thing though. It's gone to more then one organ and if that then they don't look at surgery as far advanced as his. His nurse practioner told me their NOT looking to get rid of the cancer, just to make him MORE comfortable. "Sigh"

They finally got him on Oxygen. They have him on a unit in the home where he can go anywhere in the house and then he has a portable unit he can take with him and it goes on wheels. He seems to be doing MUCH better on the O2.

I got him started on a website too, it's called; Carepages.com I don't know if anyone has heard of it. It's for patients and their famlies. You can have your own webpage and blog on it and have people you invite to read it and they can leave remarks, you can and they can post pictures. You can leave a profile. I'm so relieved to have this now I don't have to send out all kinds of e mails everyone can just go and check on him here, I just have to come here and there. I really like it. Plus, if you want to look others up you can or read others blogs you can.

I decided to go too the horse show in Lebanon, Mo so thought I'd leave for a few hrs and he's got my cell phone if he needs me. I think I'm leaving the horses at home as I just don't have the energy, but I can enjoy friends and the horses. I was really looking forward to taking my filly Polly and Dakota but it just takes a lot of energy and I'm just afraid I'll loose it, so you can only do what you can do.

I'm trying to remain postive. I'm doing better, but you know you go back and forth. I bought him some fruit, frozen strawberries/mixed berries, juices no sugar to make smoothies, for him. He also wanted puddings and Jello cups so I got him the no sugar ones. Thanks for the input on the veggies and sugar. I do try to give him fresh veggies but mainly it's frozen cause he eats sooooo little that everything ends up going to waste. I fix a bag of those veg's that you put in the microw. cook the whole bag and I pull them out in 4 min and I eat most of it and give him a small amount. I do have some trouble though he HATES broccli and califlower!!!!!! So I have to be creative. I take the carrots out of the mixed veg's stuff like that. I buy peas, I buy different stuff.

Well he can't find his antibiotic. Gotta run, TJ


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## CyndiM (Oct 10, 2009)

Sending prayers and ((((HUGS)))) your way.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 12, 2009)

I have home health coming out tomorrow cause he's got a sore coming on his coccyx (a decube) and he's got bone right there ready to poke through. He's lost so much weight that he's just skin and bone on his tail bone.......... I bought him some bag balm (the nurse at his Dr's office said to put lanolin on it) but this is so frustrating, "Honey let me put some of that cream on," "no I'll do it." It doesn't get put on. "Gary, you NEED to let me put some of that cream on that tail bone," NO I'll do it here in a minute" Of course he doesn't do it. I COULD SCREAM. It should go on at least 4 times a day. Plus, "Gary you need to get up and move some." " Yea I will" He goes to the bathroom and comes back and sits in his chair. I said; "Why don't you walk around with me" "Maybe later" Later comes and he never does. SOOOO frustrating.

He sleeps sitting straight up with 2 pillows right on that tail bone, then he sits in his chair. I have a tail bone cushion pad I gave him to use that works really good but today he took it out, so he's just sitting on the cushion in the chair.

I'm hoping home health with get a pad on it and STRESS to him the importance of moving and shifiting his weight to his side and just not sitting on his back side.

The dogs all lay near him in the living room now as they want to be close to him. Especially my lab he's 3 and he knows something is going on. My Shar Pei she knows but she's more interested in going out and barking at the horses. My mini doxie he wants to sit with Dad in his chair.

Speaking of which, I have a confession to make.......

I went out today and got my Gunther, my miniature doxie another miniature doxie. He's kind of a Tweeny and the little girl I got which is a black and tan is 4 mths old and she's 5 lbs. she's to get 8-9 lbs that's what her parents are. She's just as cute as a button. My step daughter has a little mini Doxie and Gunther LOVES that little girl, I take him over there and he plays for hours with her and doesn't want to leave. If they come over here he jumps in their car and won't get out he goes and sits with that little girl.

I decided Gunther and I could use a cuddle dog one on each side of the chair, he'd have his buddy and I'd have my little girls. Winky my sharpei is about as cutesie, well she's not, she's sweet but she's NOT a prissy little girl, she's a 45 lb DOG that happens to be a girl. I love her dearly but she's like a cat VERY aloof, I may let you pet me IF I decide I'm in the mood, or MAYBE I won't. If I want to hold her in my lap, HA that last about 5 seconds.

Well, we pick up the little girl on Thursday, so we shall see. I take Gunther at night to the barn to close up so they both can go with me that's our routine. Just have to think of a name for a REALLY prissy LITTLE GIRL....... My husbands usually pretty good. BUT I don't know about for a PRISSY little girl. TJ


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## HGFarm (Oct 12, 2009)

Aw, congrats on your newest addition.

Guys can be SO frustrating, can't they? Perhaps you might have a talk with one of the nurses, the doctor or something and have THEM stress to him the importance of moving around and other things that he needs to do!!

Does he like things like rice, potatoes, etc...?? I made things like a big stew, or stuff like that with veggies etc.... IN it... Tacos with corn tortillas and meat, with fresh veggies on those... maybe things like that where you can mix the veggies in with other things, LOL

Ha, I now eat the sugar free jello, etc... myself, and get the fruit cocktail with no sugar added. It's just as good as the other if you ask me! My sister has also been sneaking in sugar free stuff on her hubby- he is just a sugar addict (and is not fat, but his BP is high and he is having other health issues due partially to his diet). If he doesnt see the box, he has NO idea that it is sugar free.

By the way, did you know that jello is one of the highest sources of protein?!! For breakfast I would make eggs, hashbrowns and bacon or ham or something... with some fresh cantalope or something on the side. Very filling and nourishing and after a while, we didnt miss the bread and all the carbs so much.

Keep at it- you will find ways to get around the Man Stubborness and how to deal with their set in stone ways.... though I admit I did blow up once about half way through it, but he did listen better after that!

Try to do anything you can to keep weight on him! That rapid weight loss doesnt sound too good and he is going to get worse about halfway through the chemo treatments. (Has he started that yet? I have forgotten)

Bless you and try to keep your chin up. It won't be easy at all. Hugs to you all.


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## Magic (Oct 12, 2009)

HGFarm said:


> Guys can be SO frustrating, can't they? Perhaps you might have a talk with one of the nurses, the doctor or something and have THEM stress to him the importance of moving around and other things that he needs to do!!






I agree, sometimes we just don't listen to those closest to us when advice is given, but will when someone else gives it, especially if it's someone in that field of expertise.

I hope that you have a good time at the horse show. I really feel for you, this is terribly difficult on all of you. Keeping you and your hubby in my prayers. {{{hugs}}}}


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## Gini (Oct 12, 2009)

Congratulations on your new little one... My parents raised Doxie's while I was growing up. They are really wonderful dogs and great companions. On another subject of the bed sores. This may sound weird but it truely does work. When I was a RNA in San Diego I got to go around with a Home Health RN. When she first told me about this I thought she was nuts! She would take athlete's foot powder and pack in the sore and if it had started ozing she would have the patient after putting the powder on go under a heat lamp. You have to make sure the patient doesn't stay under very long. Just enough time maybe 10-20 minutes about 5 x's a day. It's work but I guarantee it works. Please ask. There is also a moving thin mattess with chambers for air and has a compressor attached. This automatically moves the patient and relieves different pressure area's automatically. Some of this you may already know but wanted to suggest some things to you.

I have not been in the field since 1993 and would want you to check with his Dr prior to using any of these suggestions as each patient varies and I'm not in the medical field any more.

Know prayers are coming daily for you all.


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## bfogg (Oct 12, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I went thru this and it's going to be a tough tough road.

You can get the Ensure drinks for him to drink like Ensure and the others like it. Larry was able to drink those for awhile. They really don't want to eat so those pack quite a vitamin punch and aren't so hard to get down. He would also eat Breyers ice cream for awhile. It is important for him to get his weight off of his coccyx,sounds like he is starting a bed sore. They can go from redness to a sore an inch around in just a few hours.

The aides will have some cream specifically for the bed sores. See that they use it. He is probably dehydrated and that is when his skin starts breaking down.They have specific swabs you can wet and give to him to suck on. Also popsicles they can sometime eat.

But it is important that the weight gets off these areas. I Hope some of these things may help in some way.

Hugs to you.

Bonnie


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## Just Us N Texas (Oct 12, 2009)

Taylor Jo,

When my late husband was in the last stages of his cancer, I was getting frustrated with getting him to eat, sleep in the bed, and all the other things that go on. I spoke to the home health nurse and she told me to leave him be. She said that forcing food was worse for him than him going without. He also told me later that he was afraid to go to bed, afraid he wouldn't wake up, and sitting in the chair, he wouldn't sleep as soundly and slip away. Speak to your doctor, nurse, or hospice people, and just try to do what they advise. As they told me, don't get frustrated by trying to do the right things, just enjoy while you can, his company, and let him enjoy yours. I don't mean to be discouraging in any way, I just want to help you try and understand that none of us are perfect, and we can't accomplish the impossible, even though we try. You have a long and difficult road ahead of you, and I feel for you.


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## Bess Kelly (Oct 12, 2009)

Hello.....I'm sorry for what you have and will be experiencing from hubby's cancer. I'm a survivor of just such a situation. Talk with the home health nurses, talk with him....things will become complicated. Ensure was about all Dick could consume after a few months of chemo. During the chemo, his tast buds changed dramatically! Things previously loved became totally inedible for him. Smells -- yep that, also. In fact, I couldn't cook as it made him turn sick. That was fine, he had Ensure, but YOU won't even be able to heat something up for yourself, one day. Yes, they lose weight, can't sleep, don't want to talk/see anyone. It's called depression (I can sure understand why!). If his dr doesn't have him on meds for these things, ask for them. Next, you mention it is in his liver. Therefore you will find that his meds won't always work well -- the liver is the filter and dispersing mechanisim in the the body -- my hubby's had gone from colon to liver. This is a hard, long path to travel, may God bless you both. As things progress, pain meds will be critical. We found some patches that worked better than other things (Duragesic) but, it's been 10 yrs and they may have some new things now. My only regret is that I did not have a shot of morphine available for the last days. It could have been put into the pic line and brought the entire family relief. Again, talk with your doctor. You know, Dick and I spent a lot of time just talking about the many, many, many wonderful times we had together over the years. It helped us both and memories are just something no one can take away. Try to spend time with hubby and you will never regret it.

I believe you asked about the step-kids -- issues, would they remember you in yrs to come -- I can answer that too. NO. Mine are cordial any time we meet but, we do not socialize otherwise. they did the first 6-9 months in limited ways. Yep, 20 yrs and it is now done like a neighbor who moved across country. Sorry, but true. Especially with the things you have already mentioned about family, visits, arguments, etc. Protect yourself by being prepared for these things. I'm available to talk at any time if you want to email me.....like you have so much time!

My thoughts are with you at this stressful and heartbreaking time.


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## Charlene (Oct 13, 2009)

Just Us N Texas said:


> Taylor Jo,When my late husband was in the last stages of his cancer, I was getting frustrated with getting him to eat, sleep in the bed, and all the other things that go on. I spoke to the home health nurse and she told me to leave him be. She said that forcing food was worse for him than him going without. He also told me later that he was afraid to go to bed, afraid he wouldn't wake up, and sitting in the chair, he wouldn't sleep as soundly and slip away. Speak to your doctor, nurse, or hospice people, and just try to do what they advise. As they told me, don't get frustrated by trying to do the right things, just enjoy while you can, his company, and let him enjoy yours. I don't mean to be discouraging in any way, I just want to help you try and understand that none of us are perfect, and we can't accomplish the impossible, even though we try. You have a long and difficult road ahead of you, and I feel for you.


i absolutely agree with this. TJ, as hard as it is, you need to take a step back and put yourself in his place for a few minutes. we cannot possibly understand the emotions that go along with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. i tried many times to think what it was like for my own gary to be going through it and sometimes i thought i understood but most times, i knew i didn't. simply put, your husband is suffering both physically and emotionally. i know how frustrating all of this is but you have to remember, nothing in his life is normal now and it never will be. that has to be such a heavy burden for him. he is, i'm sure, trying to come to terms with his mortality and thinking about all of the things he will be leaving behind.

bess has some very good points also. my gary was on an antidepressant right from the start and i think it did help him cope in some small way. that's something you should definitely talk to your husband's oncologist about, as soon as possible.

bess, my husband was home with hospice care for 2 weeks before he died. i did have the morphine. i had enough morphine to kill 10 horses. as much as i hated seeing my husband non-communicative and comatose for many days, there were times when i was glad he could not express his feelings. i lived in fear that he would ask me to do what you imply. i do not know if i could have denied him that release.

TJ, you are in my thoughts and prayers as is your husband. there is not a single thing easy about what you are going through and what lies ahead in the weeks to come. spend every minute you can with him, even if you just hold his hand while he sleeps. let the housework go, let somebody else take care of chores when you can, if you can. he is your top priority now. don't make the mistake of avoiding interaction with him, even though it will be so painful. be with him, talk to him, just love him. you won't regret it. God bless.


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## Jill (Oct 13, 2009)

TJ --

I am keeping you two in my thoughts and prayers.

Hopefully, you can get him to move around more. That really helps. It hurts at first but then you do feel better.

Also, is he on painkillers? I was on Oxycodone, and for me, it really threw me for a loop. I don't know how to balance the need for pain relief with how that med made me feel, but I mean... it was like an effort just to keep breathing for me on that med when I was sick. I couldn't hold a thought in my head, couldn't follow a simple sitcom on tv, just it takes all the will out of me. If he's on that, or something similar, maybe there is an alternative med? It made me NOT me.

Jill


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## sfmini (Oct 13, 2009)

TJ, I am so sorry for what you two are facing. What a nighmare for you.

What is the link to his caring page and I will add him to my links of others I am following. I hadn't heard of caring pages, but I am following a few people on Caring Bridge, same concept I am sure.

Hang in there, it sounds like you are facing this with strength and love.


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## HGFarm (Oct 13, 2009)

Ensure is full of sugar and preservatives..... but I did find out that about 43% of the cancer patients on chemo actually starve to death. He has got to keep eating. Ensure is not all that it's cracked up to be, and I know many that have ended up dumping it down the sink. Sugar water is not very nutritional and their advertising hypes are just that - hype.

Here are some interesting articles in these 'healthy energy drinks'!!!

http://www.dietspotlight.com/ensure-review/

http://www.naturalnews.com/002698.html

http://www.thedietchannel.com/scoopon.htm


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 14, 2009)

Thanks all. Yesterday we had a Home Health nurse came. She said this should NOT be a home health call but a hospice call. After all was done and we got done with her I followed her out I asked her to be straight with me about how much time she thought my husband had left. She said; "a matter of weeks." She said I'll send my report to the Dr.and he will see your husband before chemo tomorrow. We went to the Dr this morning and they took his labs and the Dr came in and said his liver enzymes were NOT good but others were ok. He took a look at my husband and said I see you've went down hill since the last time I've seen you. We're going to admit you in the hosptial and GIVE you chemo. I said well what about TPN to feed him cause he's not eating. The Dr said we'll he's not at that point yet, he'll eat for us!!!!! I SAID NO he WON'T. And the Dr said; well if he won't then we'll have to consider the TPN. We'll just have to see how he does.

I said; well why are you doing the chemo? He said cause were going to make him MORE comfortable. I said did you see his swollen feet and abdomen and he looked at him and said well the chemo will help that. So they were suppose to start the chemo tonight. We'll see how it goes.

I'm so exhausted I can't even think straight, I'm going to sign off here and go to bed. I was up at 1 am with my husband and then again at 3 am and then at 4 and then I got up at 445 to get ready to take him to the Dr's. The trip is 65 miles one way.

I appreciate you all who wrote, the nurse did ask him if he was depressed and he said no, the Dr even asked him and he said no. Good night all, TJ


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## Crabby-Chicken (Oct 14, 2009)

I am so sorry he is getting so ill so fast. You are doing what you need to do. Please take care of yourself. Hope you both are resting well tonight.


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## Bess Kelly (Oct 14, 2009)

I'm hoping the hospital stay will help your husband. We did chemo for about 8 months, then it was determined that it was not helping, several different combos. At this point, it was just "wait". We were at home, hospice was used for the last 10 days. My previous statement about the morphine was simply to be able to relieve the discomfort of the last hours of life, nothing more. The hospice nurse actually asked if I had been given any as she would suggest a small dose when I had called her to advise the end was imminent -- and it was only another hour or so before he passed. She actually arrived after the fact.

These are such hard situations to endure but, we must realize that often there is little choice. Believe me when I say, I feel your helplessness and pain. Please take care of yourself, also. I pray for you and your family to receive the strength to endure.


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## Barbie (Oct 15, 2009)

Sorry to hear he's doing worse so quickly. Hopefully he'll get some relief in the hospital. Prayers for you both. Please take care of yourself as you're going to have to be strong.

((((HUGS))))

Barbie


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## SampleMM (Oct 15, 2009)

Hi TJ, I am sorry that your husband is now in the hospital. It must make it even harder for you since everything seems far away. Remember, call me anytime for support.


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## Aristocratic Minis (Oct 15, 2009)

So sorry your husband is so ill. I hope you can cope with the situation and not make yourself sick.

Try to be strong and loving for him. Nothing else is important right now.

Your family is in our prayers.


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## RobinRTrueJoy (Oct 15, 2009)

Sending up prayers for you both!

Robin


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## HGFarm (Oct 15, 2009)

Oh dear, so sorry to hear all this... I hope the chemo does make him more comfortable, but do agree there are times it does not work much. I hope it does for him and does make him more comfortable.

I agree- if someone else can help with chores, or whatever it is you need to do.... he is the priority right now, to spend time with, etc.... and remember that even if they appear comatose, or sleeping, etc... they know you are there!!! And it does make a difference! They can still hear you.

This just breaks my heart that you are going through this- I am so sorry and saddened. Wish I were close by to help- I would do your chores for you.

Please remember through all this, take care of you too. It wont be easy. Hugs to you and everyone. I wish there was something I could do.


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## Mercysmom (Oct 16, 2009)

Prayers for you both.

Denise


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## loveminis (Oct 16, 2009)

I'm very sorry. At this point I hope he does not suffer.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 16, 2009)

Thanks again all for your support. I saw him again today and they found more fluid on his lungs and took out another 4-500 cc's of it. However, when I talked to him tonight he sounded awful, he was almost crying he was saying, "oh honey this is just so awful, I just wish I could breath." I started crying and said, I know honey. I told him to save his breath and that I would see him tomorrow. He was practically gasping for air. Poor thing. Well it's 830 and I'm exhausted and if you were near I think I'd take you up on the chore help, I no more get there and then I have to stay abit and turn around and come back and start chores all over again. My husbands "daughter" is NOT inclined to help me. She'll help her dad, but NEVER me again. That's ok, I get my emotional support elsewhere and I know God is watching out over me. They said today my husband would be in the hosptial over the weekend and they'd try to get another chemo treatment in before he went home on Monday as we have to come so far. Gee I spend 2.5-3 hrs on the road exhausting.

Good nite all, Love TJ


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## crponies (Oct 17, 2009)

I'm praying for you and your husband, Taylor Jo. I'm glad to know you are looking to God for the strength you need to get through this. I too wish I was close enough to help you out with chores.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 17, 2009)

This is yesterday Friday 10/16 sitting up in his chair just before they came to take more fluid off of his lungs.






This is Mattie, OR Maddy haven't decided which yet.











Love to all, TJ


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## luv2ridesaddleseat (Oct 17, 2009)

I feel so bad for you.



Beautiful pictures of Hubby and pup. I hope your hubby feels better Monday and can come home and enjoy himself.


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## Basketmiss (Oct 17, 2009)

So sorry things arent going better TJ. Praying hard for you both.

Dont let yourself become exhausted, as it wont help him any if you are sick You are his strength so take care of you too. I know its hard to do so.

I hope things turn for the better real soon.

(((HUGS))) Missy


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## mininik (Oct 17, 2009)

So sorry about your troubles. That's a cute puppy, but please be extra careful to not leave those pill bottles within her reach...


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 18, 2009)

NOPE I removed the Pill bottles just after I took those pic's. Little booger would certainly get into them. My husband is again not doing well, they have him on ativan to relax him cause he's having trouble breathing, he's not eating, but will drink an ensure, he's gasping for air and they have him on breathing treatments and steroids. He does do a little better for awhile after the treatment but then goes right back to the gasping a little while afterwards. I took Maddy to the vets and everyone was SOOOO nice they offered to come take care of my animals for me, here they are 8-10 hr shift people just like the rest of you and offerered me a client help. That blessed me so much. TODAY on the way down here to see my husband I called my step daughter and I asked her on their way to church if they could run in (we live JUST off the freeway) and go to my house and go up on my pianao and get the doggy bones off of it and give it to Gunther and Maddy? You'd think I asked her to feed for a week. She didn't say anything at all. PERIOD. I repeated it again and she still didn't say anything. SO I said well IF it's to much trouble and your running late then DON'T do it. She said fine. I DON't need this in my life right now. I KNEW when I called I shouldn't have. I JUST should have turned around and drove the half hour back and gone and gave it to them, OR HOPED they didn't RUIN anything. I just should have put her in the kennel but I was going to be gone for so long. Battery is about to go out, TJ


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## Barbie (Oct 18, 2009)

TJ-

Prayers for both your husband and yourself. I'm so sorry he is suffering so. You're sure going through a tough time. Try and get some rest and take care of yourself so you can be there for your hubby.

((((HUGS))))

Barbie


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 19, 2009)

Yesterday like I said they upped his O2 to 4 L and about my step daughter, I came home and NOPE the dog bones were STILL sitting on the piano. I was so peeved I took 2 years worth of anger and fired off an e mail to her. Her husband wrote back and said I sounded "edgy" I wrote back and said I was NOT "edgy" my husband was dying. All I'd asked for was a "little" help and it was obvious they didn't do it. Plus, I said some MORE angry things about her, I told her she wasn't my friend any more and who wants to be friends with someone so dang bossy and always has to be so right and you can't tell them anything. If she didn't hate me before she does now.

I was tired of tiptoing around her and always being nice when she was mean to me. The last straw was when she was peeved cause I got my puppy. She can tell you but by gosh don't you dare tell HER. SO I told her. I don't dare tell my husband it would break his heart, this has been a 2 year battle and I've been crying to him for 2 years of why doesn't she like me. NOW I don't care. Well I do care for my husbands sake and I'm sitting here in Mo and don't REALLY have a friend. I have my bible study but I just see the women on Wed. I have my mini friend but she lives 3 hrs away in Arkansas. I feel so very alone.

My husbands step daughter did not and has not called one time to ask me how I was doing and keeping up, WHY? Cause she could care less. I called her to tell her about an update about her dad a few days ago and she was kind then she said she felt sorry for me if I lost him cause she knew how much I loved him and him me and that was nice.

She has her good moments. We have had our good times and I love her kids I love them a lot and will miss them terribly. They did peridocally help, but then she took care of my horse and it got into a fence and went through it and I told her NOT to let it out of the barn, well she did any way. I had the odasity to TELL her I was upset, HOW DARE ME, speak to her in that way........... She told me I was attacking her family and went on and on. I reached out to her several times to try and make up and finally after like 2 or 3 days SHE finally decided she'd said enough MEAN things and was CRUEL enough so she made up on HER TERMS. But she let it be known she'd NEVER HELP ME AGAIN, ONLY HER DAD..........

So here I sit alone, no family, no friends, just my dogs, and horses. Why, oh why did God do this to me, I know it's just life. But this was my 3rd marriage and it was a good marriage, I LOVED my husband and he LOVED me, this was going to be our 10th anniversery come JUNE. I wanted 10, 20 more with him. I Loved him and now it may all go away. My heart is just broken.

Thanks for listening, I appreciate it. TJ


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## loveminis (Oct 19, 2009)

This is so much for you to handle..... I am so sorry.

As far as your husband's family = WRITE THEM OFF ! I think they have made their feelings clear. Spare yourself the heartache. Just because they are related to your husband does not mean they are good people.

If your husband was to pass away can you move somewhere close to your family members ? You will need to make some friends or join a support group.

Take care, you are a strong lady


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## Littleum (Oct 19, 2009)

Taylor Jo said:


> . I have my bible study but I just see the women on Wed.


I feel so for you.

Why don't you try giving some of the ladies from bible study a ring and ask for their help, if only to come over and read with you and maybe eat a meal with you? If you have a church, have you thought maybe reaching out to the rest of the congregation for help?


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 19, 2009)

I agree about them NOT being my family and I never thought about going to the congreagation. I just may do that. I just can't do this alone. I called my daughter and BEGGED her to come and I've ALWAYS went to her when she needed me other then one time I didn't go until a couiple months later, but she told me as I probably stated before that she NOW say's her ex doesn't think he can help her and of course her job. Of course I know her job would let her go cause they JUST helped my sister and SHE DOES have the PTO time. I don't know what the problem is, but I can't spin my wheels worrying about it. He's doing so much better today, he's breathing better, the steroids have kicked in and he looks better he's not as swollen, he said food taste better so he's eating it. Swelling has gone down some, he walked today. I asked if I could bring Maddy up but they said no, even if I had her in the pet taxi.

Thanks all, hugs, TJ


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## Jill (Oct 19, 2009)

TJ, I am so sorry for what is happening. Just thinking of being in your position, I swear to God, it feels like it takes my breath away at just the thought. I am so sorry!


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 20, 2009)

Thanks all. After my meltdown yesterday I'm doing much better today. I went to see my Dr and she said this is normal and it will probably get worse before it gets better but this is part of the grieving process. I told her I "KNEW" that but I KNOW the outcome cause of my sons death and that's what I so fight against about maybe loosing my husband.

She told me NOT to focus on the loosing part so much but think of the now part otherwise I'm going to miss out on the present with him. SO I will take that advice. Also I think part of the problem is I've had soooo much time alone w/o him and no one to talk to, ya know a live person in the other room, just the phone and computer. B

One of his daughters out in Ca asked if I wanted her to come and stay and help. I wholeheartedly accepted. She's a great cook, LOVES to work and will help me a lot. I told her between the two of us we can cook him some good meals now that his taste buds are coming back.

The Dr is going to do another chemo tomorrow he thinks and then MAYBE go home Wed or Thurs. they are taking away the feeding IV, TPN cause he's eating and we may have to do breathing treatments every 4 hours at home. That's ok, I'm up taking Gunther and Maddy potty at 2 or 4 anyway. I've had them sleeping with me and he was NOT happy about that at ALL. He's like; "well when I get home that's going to change." What he doesn't understand is I'm not putting a 5 lb dog down with a 100 lb dog, she's my baby, Gunny's 17 lbs. It's funny, they FIGHT for who's going to lay the closest to mom. I climb in the bed and you should see the scrabble to see who's going to get the closest. She growls and snarls and Gunny's SHOVES. I just laugh, it's quite comical. I haven't had a dog in bed with me since my tea cup poodle and that was 30 years ago. I'm having a ball with her and Gunther.

I went to the Dr an hour away today and took them with me and I had their beds with me and they slept in them which was good and then we went over to Pet Co so we could look around. I wanted a pink rain coat for Maddy and a blue one for Gunther but they didn't have their sizes. I'm not to much into the clothes thing but I do like winter sweaters when it's COLD out side or our house is cold especially in our basement in the winter, we watch TV down there sometimes and it gets quite brisk Gunther likes his sweater on and so does Winky being a Shar Pei she doesn't have much hair. I know some people dress them up a lot but one I can't afford it and two, dogs like to be dogs I think. It's whatever floats your boat as they always say.

Thanks for caring so much. I'll share something with you 3 years ago I was VERY ill. I've shared on this before, as I had a eating disorder. My husband stayed home and took care of our animals all by himself for 6 months. I also had a personality disorder. I had mulitple personalitys. Believe it or not I don't care that's not the issue, but all my life I've been very ill, I've had several suicide attempts, massive depression, and on top of that I'm Bi Polar. My husband LOVED ME. I had 3 bad marriages NO ONE LOVED ME, for me, they loved who ever that person could perform and be. I was who ever I could be. Half the time I didn't even know who I was. I raised 2 children like that. My son who died never got to know the real me.

I am a new person now. When my son died I felt no pain, the personalitys took all the pain, I didn't. NOW I feel that pain and I feel the pain of what's going on with my husband. I'm terrified. He, beside my son and somewhat selfishly my dad in some small way have been the only men to ever truly love me, me for me. My husband loves me unconditonally, I love him more because of it. I couldn't be sitting here whole and writing this if it wasn't for his wonderful love. Sure he has his faults just like everyone else, but I am blessed and to let go of that is such a tragedy for me. I don't want to let go of a man who has nurtured and loved me and kept me safe and walked me through heck. He met my personalitys one by one he met them, he saw the raw old me, then he saw the new butterfly me come and emerge into a stronger better me into one person.

If I can walk through that firey heck and live through it for 55 years anyone can make it. I'm afraid to walk alone, I've had him hold my hand for 10 years, he's lifted me up when I've been down, I've cried, begged, pleaded, screamed, yelled, wailed and moaned, and done everything in between with this man, he has kept me by showing his love, he has NEVER Once faultered. He has given me EVERYTHING I EVER ASKED FOR AND THEN SOME.

I have made him angry, I have made him sad, but most of all I think I've made him happy. I'm also the love of his life. He's my BFF, how can you let go of that my friend? How can you let go of that?

Thanks for listening, I love you all, TJ


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## Just Us N Texas (Oct 20, 2009)

T.J., when my late husband died, I made it through. We were married for 34 years, he was my friend, lover, mother,father, everything to me. Before he died, I told him it was okay for him to go. That because of him, I was strong enough to make it. He had given me so much for so many years, that I could take the strength he had given me all those years, and go on. I know it relieved his mind some about going. It was hard but I made it. You will too. Make yourself strong enough to get through this with him, and make it easier on him to go. Think of all the love and compassion he has given you all these years. That will never leave you, you never have to give it up. He, and all his strength and love will always be a part of you. It won't be easy, but keep that knowledge of that love in your heart, and eventually, things will get better. Remember, no one can take that from you.


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## Maxi'sMinis (Oct 20, 2009)

Sending prayers to give you strength. It breaks my heart to hear of you and your husbands suffering. I lost my Dad this way 20 sum yrs ago. Reading this post has brought back those feelings that have been tucked away. I will keep your husband in my prayers that his hospital treatment helps him to get stronger and heal so he can hurry home to be with his loving family. As all of the folks here have said cherish every moment with him. Again sending prayers that God holds you both in his ever loving hands.


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## sfmini (Oct 20, 2009)

TJ, your doctor gave you excellent advice as have the others. I am so glad your step daughter is coming to help, sounds like one you get along with so that will be great support for you.

Don't start grieving until it is time to do so, now is the time to share treasured time with your husband, time enough to grieve later. It will be hard, but give him the gift of at least thinking you will be ok so he can go in peace instead of stressed over you. It sounds like you love him enough to do that for him.

Also you are such a lucky woman to have met the love of your life, many people never have that, I am one of them. Treasure the time you have left.

Ask the doc about any hospice services you might be able to receive so he can be at home for as long as possible.

I am so sorry you are going through this, you have lots of friends out here in cyberspace.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 20, 2009)

I swore I wasn't going to cry today but I sit here and read these last 3 post and I weep with such warmth that you guy's took the time to speak from your hearts just like the other 70 some post you have "all" touched my heart deeply. I wish I could find the words to say to each one of you how greatly each one of your words have touched me in each way, a line, a word, a whole sentence a paragraph, sometimes just like knowing it's from someone like Jill it touches me deeply or others that write. How can I keep expressing the depth of my love for all of you that you care so much for me and my husband. My heart is overwhelmed. I have bared my soul to you, there is nothing left, I come to you opened armed I am striped of all, all I have left is my faith in mankind that it will take care of me and help me get through this rocky road. God has led me to you and you have opened your hearts and gave me a safe haven and for that I thank you.

I'm terrified to tell him it's ok to let go, but yesterday I told him I'd be ok what ever happened, I'd be alright, of course I couldn't help but not cry. He said he knew I'd be ok. I know what it's like though NEVER to hear a voice again and to be honest I don't know how to live without that. I've lived 10 years without my sons and that is the hardest thing, never hearing I love you mom. Now at some point I have to live without him saying, I love you and me saying I love you more and him saying in return, "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU'LL EVER KNOW......" I gasp at the thought of losing that.

I'm sorry I said I was going to be strong today...... No tears, ok, I'm going to get my healthy choice dinner and some veggy's and water. I'm going to watch Dancing with the Stars tonight and turn in early so I can go see him and hopefully bring him home and I want tears of happiness on my face, NOT sadness.

Thank you all so much, God Bless and love to you all, TJ


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## Magic (Oct 20, 2009)

TJ, what you are going through is one of my worst fears.




I think about you so much, and pray that you will make it through this ok, and that your husband can have some good quality time, the more the better.

My Stepdad has told me that he SO misses the sound of my Mom's voice, he wishes that he had even a scrap of a recording of her, but he doesn't. But YOU still have time! Ask your hubby if you can record the two of you talking (and you'd better have a list of things that you can talk about or you'll both end up tongue tied at the thought of trying to think of something to say!) It doesn't matter what you talk about, maybe reminisce about the past? A videotape would be wonderful, both picture and sound.

When my Mom died, she had been very sick and was hospitalized for weeks on end, but she was getting better and we thought she would be coming home, when she suddenly went into a coma and was brain dead.



One thing that kept me going after was the fact that I was there with her almost every day, all day (if I wasn't there, someone else was) and I treated her with the love and respect that she inspired in me. I treasure the little moments of that time with her, from massaging her feet to helping her get to the bathroom with that IV cart, and am so glad that I told her every day that I loved her.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your son, I didn't realize that. Obviously you are far too well aquainted with loss.





I do wish that we could help you more. Just know that there are many many of us out here hurting for you and with you and praying for both you and your husband, and hoping for the best. {{Hugs}}


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## HGFarm (Oct 20, 2009)

Oh TJ, I dont even know where to start.... this has all made me SO sad.

You NEVER get over not being able to hear their voices, talk to them on the phone, share a joke. This is normal and unfortunately something we all go through at some point in time with a parent, child, sibling or something.

Hang in there, and you WILL be ok and yes God is with you. You are stronger than you think!!

And I agree, wash these other people from your life. In the big picture, they don't matter and you don't need the stress. It is better to fill your life with those that love you and appreciate you. You can decide who you choose as 'family' and who is not, and I hate to say it, but sometimes family comes in other forms- not what a piece of papers says is legal family.

Enjoy your puppy! What a cutie. That's my favorite color of the breed.

It sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful relationship.... and I see in the pic that he is not giving up yet. I detect a sparkle in his eye yet! I hope the chemo helps quickly with the reduction of fluid that is filling him up. I know exactly what you are going through- went through it all earlier this year.

And the time on the road... I drove back and forth (about 1 1/2 hrs each way) at all hours, to make sure the animals got fed and cared for, twice a day, for 2 months. I dont know how I did what I did, but I guess God helped me get through it all, and he will help you too.

I dont blame you for being angry about the people not helping... that is pretty mean and uncaring. Some are just that way though. Do not waste the energy to fight their negative ways, and focus on you and your hubby, and those that love you.

Hugs, and I do hope that your husband is able to come home soon!!


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## PromiseAcres (Oct 21, 2009)

Warm thoughts being sent your way.


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## Taylor Jo (Oct 21, 2009)

I'm so tired I can hardly hold my head up. I've been going since 6 this morning. I had the garage door man here early fixing my doors cause they would go up but wouldn't come back down unless you held the button in the garage, so I got it all fixed for $69.00, ya hoo.... Then before I went to see my husband I had to go and get feed at two different feed stores and shavings at another one. WHEW, I was already tired just from doing all that, plus feeding 4 dogs, and cleaning 5 stalls and feeding 5 horses. YOU know what it's like you all do it. It's an every day occurrence. The feeding and cleaning that is. Oh PLUS, my 6 mth old puppy isn't house broken I found out and I had to take her our 3 times before I left.

My lab at the moment is LOUNGING on the couch with his head on the arm and I don't have the heart to tell him to get his BIG BUTT off, so I'm leaving him there. I'm to tired and so is he I think.

Well the "GOOD NEWS" Went to see my hubby and the Dr and social worker said their putting him in a nursing home 10 miles from my house that, that was the closest one and they will continue chemo once a week and I can take him the hour and 15 min down there for it. But they were worried that if I brought him home he'd go back down hill and end back up in the hospital. So my husband agreed to that and so did I. Plus, they gave him 6 mths to 2 years to live. We shall see, but at least he's eating better and will get breathing treatments and get medicine to make him eat. He wouldn't have got that level of care here. I'm so happy. I just praise God and everyone for their prayers and good thoughts. I'm still in shock about it.

I do agree though about video taping us, I think that is a great idea. We have a V camera. I can do that while he's in the nursing home. I can get him to talk about his Marine days he likes to talk about that. I'm used to hearing about it and I'd miss hearing about it anyway.

They say you can't pick your families but you don't have to keep them either, at least not the other side one,,,,, LOL!!!!!!! I'll just keep 99% of them, that 1% I can do w/o.

Thanks, guy's. I haven't cried no sad tears all day I'm so proud of myself. I've got to get some sleep, 6 comes early. Love to all, TJ


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## MountainMeadows (Oct 21, 2009)

TJ

You are so brave and my heart just breaks to read your posts about all the ups and downs you are going thru and those to come. I think that the video taping is a wonderful idea - here is another one that may prove to be of solace to you. our know they say that people enter your life for a reason, and perhaps meeting this gal last weekend and hearing what she does comes at a time that you need also. She told me of groups of very specially trained people who call on nursing homes, veteran's administrations, grange halls, etc and these people are gifted writers. They sit and listen, and then they write the life stories of those who are telling them - they are wonderful - they dig deep, ask questions, bring out little details that many would never have known anything at all about - most of the time their service is free - it is their gift to mankind -- how wonderful that there are such people in the world who are so talented and giving. I am sure that your husband has many stories to tell, probably more than even he knows. My blessings to you and your husband - I am so hoping that your journey is painfree and full of love.

((( Hugs )))

Stacy


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## dreaminmini (Oct 21, 2009)

MountainMeadows said:


> TJ
> You are so brave and my heart just breaks to read your posts about all the ups and downs you are going thru and those to come. I think that the video taping is a wonderful idea - here is another one that may prove to be of solace to you. our know they say that people enter your life for a reason, and perhaps meeting this gal last weekend and hearing what she does comes at a time that you need also. She told me of groups of very specially trained people who call on nursing homes, veteran's administrations, grange halls, etc and these people are gifted writers. They sit and listen, and then they write the life stories of those who are telling them - they are wonderful - they dig deep, ask questions, bring out little details that many would never have known anything at all about - most of the time their service is free - it is their gift to mankind -- how wonderful that there are such people in the world who are so talented and giving. I am sure that your husband has many stories to tell, probably more than even he knows. My blessings to you and your husband - I am so hoping that your journey is painfree and full of love.
> 
> ((( Hugs )))
> ...


Wow! What a beautiful idea. I wish they had been around when my grandfather and grandmother were still alive. What a wonderful way to have those special memories preserved and to pass down to future generations.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I couldn't possibly imagine. But everyone is right, enjoy all your todays with your husband, ignore the people who are so negative. I wish there was more to say to help, i am not very good with words, spoken or written,. You guys are in my prayers.


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## sfmini (Oct 21, 2009)

Stacy, that is a great idea! Hope there is someone who can come do that.

TJ, great news on the six months to two years! A nursing home is a good idea, and so good to be closer to you. You should be able to take the dogs to visit him, I was allowed to have Frasier with me all day a few times and it was my sanity. He was great, just settled in my bed between my legs and was so careful of the knee that had been replaced.

Heck, you might even be able to take a mini in to see him.


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## HGFarm (Oct 23, 2009)

Oh this is good news that he will be so much closer, and able to still get the care he so needs right now! With their training too, they will be able to keep an eye on things closer and get on top of it if there's a problem much quicker. It is scary to have them come home, and every little thing freaks you out. Maybe after a few chemo treatments he can come home?

At least this will be much closer for you? I hope it is a good place- have you been there yet? I would check it out if not! It's hard to get them out, once they are in, if you need to! I would also check to see if there have ever been any complaints or anything on the place............

We took Mom to a hospice facility that was supposed to be the 'valley's finest'- I had her out of there in two days- she would have been dead in another two if she had been left there!!! It was AWFUL!


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