# Selling your whole herd



## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

We are selling our whole herd. We work so hard to get where we are. My husband has decide he no longer wants horses. I had to pray long and hard on my decision to sell. My family has to come first over my horses. So I decide the best thing for our family is the sell the whole herd. My husband is no longer happy with me because of the horses. I want what my husband and I used to have for each other. Those who had to make very hard choices had did you all make it through. I love my family very much. I love my horses as well, but my family has to come first.

so please pray for us and our family during this very very hard time. Myself and the girls are the ones who are harding a hard time with this. I finally got my dream appy and pintos I always wanted now this.I know I will miss the horses dearly, because I live,breath and eat horses 24/7.



I feel like i am lossing my best friends by letting go of the horses. My horses have help me throught so much, but I had to put my family first.

others out there had to make hard choice like this pray for us.


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## Jill (Jun 9, 2008)

Melissa --

Is there any room to compromise? And reduce your numbers but still keep some?

If no room to compromise, what is he going to be unhappy about next (is what I would think).

I just can't imagine the situation and am sorry for you and your girls





Jilll


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## OhHorsePee (Jun 9, 2008)

So sorry to hear you are going through this. You are right in the family first decision. I am sure with the economy that there are farms that will go through the same thing as you are now. All you can do is go with your head not your heart.


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

My husband no he don't want any horses anymore



My husband don't like to be tied down because of the horses.My husband used to love the horses like we do, but know he don't any want to look at them.



The things we do for our family.Myself and the girls are very very heart broken. I pray the Good Lord helps us throught this.We have been marriage very long time.

I am so heartbroken it is very hard to type sorry.

All of you who have meet me through the forum knows how much I love horses. This is very very hard choice for me. I don't know how I am going to handle when the last one leaves our place. I will be so lose without the horses. the horses bring so much joy to me and the girls. the horse help me throught my ups and downs. so pray they will go to good homes a must.


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## justagirl (Jun 9, 2008)

I say keep the horses ... get rid of the husband .

And I hate to appear harsh .. but he should have considered this BEFORE buying abd breeding .

Flamesuit on ......


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

My husband is the one who got most of the horses for us,because he wanted them as well.

We just got Keepsake in Dec our dream appy. I love all the minis but letting go of the ones I have work so hard for is going to be hard. I have cried all weekend of this.


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## Basketmiss (Jun 9, 2008)

Melissa,

So sorry to hear this...

IF you get rid of the horses then will everything be great between you and your husband? I mean if so thats great but if not and you have given up your babies, what a shame...

I wish for you all to compromise , so you could keep a couple horses. I wonder if you didnt have as many would that make him feel better if you didnt spend all your time with the horses and more time with your hubby.

Maybe he just needs some attention. Its easy for us to get caught up in something and take your spouse for granted. If you devote more time to him , maybe he could handle a smaller amount of horses??

I am hoping it will work out for you and your family..

Missy


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## Jill (Jun 9, 2008)

Melissa --

Don't not stand up for yourself. What I'd be asking myself is what kind of a husband would want me to give up something that is so important to me??? If he understands what horses mean to you, then how much does he care about your feelings to make this kind of a demand?

Jill


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

For the last few months I have given my husband more time then my horses. My husband does not any want our house anymore. My husband wants to move to a place with no yard.

he told me I need to think of the family needs first.my daughter ashley used to love horses until a few months ago now she want play with them or nothing.


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## Jill (Jun 9, 2008)

Also, you say you are putting your family first and everyone should do that imo, but are you putting your family first, or are you putting your husband's whim first? Don't talk yourself into doing the wrong thing... I'm betting you are not giving up horses for the sake of you and your kids, right?

It's just so hard for me to relate to the situation, and I am very sorry about what's going on.


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## RockRiverTiff (Jun 9, 2008)

My condolences go out to you. Many forum members have faced this choice for various reasons. I don't know the dynamics of your home life, so I have no advice to give there, but I will say that knowing how much you love your horses it seems worth it to look for a compromise. Are there any other breeders in your area? Perhaps you could keep a couple horses via a partnership with someone else. Even if you DO make the difficult decision of selling all of them, put a buy-back clause in the contracts of those you really value. I wish you the best.


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

my husband did not tell me to sell them, but told me he didn't want them anymore so what would you get out of that?

I am giving up the horses to save my marriage.


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## whimsical (Jun 9, 2008)

I have to agree that a compromise has to be met.

My thoughts are that you are trading your happiness for your husband's. How much can he care for you if he is willing to see you go through so much pain? I can understand financial strains and time constraints that he would want to be lessened. But reducing your herd could accomplish that. And with fewer horses you could afford someone to care for your horses if you decide to go away with him for vacation.

I just think there is something more going on here. I would investigate that further.


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

No children want their parents not together. My children would be more heart broken over us then the horses. So I had to do what is best for my marriage and my children.


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## Jill (Jun 9, 2008)

MBhorses said:


> my husband did not tell me to sell them, but told me he didn't want them anymore so what would you get out of that?
> 
> I am giving up the horses to save my marriage.


This will sound hurtful but if he cared about you as much as you care about him, he'd not LET you do this. He really wouldn't.

If he doesn't want to be tied down -- sell some of them and then you can more cheaply hire a critter sitter so you can go away on trips. It will also take you less time to do chores, etc.

If someone was willing to let me give up my main passion in life, to suit their current mood, that wouldn't be a person I would see a long term future with and there are some people who get to the point of where you cannot give up enough of yourself to make them happy. It's a no win situation if this is the case here.


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## Minimor (Jun 9, 2008)

> my husband did not tell me to sell them, but told me he didn't want them anymore so what would you get out of that?
> I am giving up the horses to save my marriage.


Melissa, just be very sure that giving up your horses will actually save your marriage! I'm with the others here, and have to wonder...when your horses and your home and yard are gone....what is left for your husband to not want???

I don't mean to be hurtful, but so many times I have seen different women in this same situation. Husband uses the horses for an excuse for what is wrong with his life, then when the horses are gone the real truth comes out, it wasn't really the horses at all, it was his life in general, and it's actually the wife/family that he doesn't want. The horses were only an excuse, and once they are gone he comes out with something else that is wrong. The wife is left with no hubby and no horses, and then she dearly wishes that she had kept the horses and ditched the hubby!

Just be very, very sure.

edited to add: I meant to add in above--I cannot imagine asking someone I love to give up something that that person loves as much as you love your horses. If your husband wants you to give up all your horses to make him happy, he isn't showing much care for what makes you happy. If the horses are taking too much of your time, that's a fair complaint from him--but that should be able to be fixed by comprimise; by selling half or 3/4 of your herd, you free up more time for family things, and yet you get to keep some horses for your personal enjoyment. Keep a number that you can care for on your own, so that hubby doesn't have to do anything with them.


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## Basketmiss (Jun 9, 2008)

Is there a chance he is going thru a mid life crisis? Men say and do weird things if they are.. I remember you saying your husband bought you some horses. weird for him to now be DONE with them??

I just hope for your sake that you dont sell the horses and then he still isnt satisfied.

It shouldnt be about either one of you giving up Everything.. I hate to hear you giving up the most important thing to you, what if he then decides its ok he wants horses again. I guess I dont like the wishywashy way he is acting..

Good luck I hope he will reconsider..

Missy


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

My husband loss 85 lbs since dec has not been the same.He looks great but thinks he is a 20 or so sometimes. who knows

he has been on a diet. He said he loss all the weight for his health which is great. I think he looks very nice now, but I loved him no matter what he looked like. I am a person who is very caring and try to put others first over myself.

it makes me feel like with the horses i am not putting him and the children first.my daughter no longer wants the horses now either which is not like her you all talk to her on here.so that is only me and my niece caring for the horses.

I pray the Good Lord gives me the direction I need.


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## kaykay (Jun 9, 2008)

Melissa

there is a lot more going on here then just horses



And of course there are 2 sides to every story. It will be very difficult to sell an entire herd. Just put some up for sale and get your numbers down. None of us can possibly know what your marriage is like or what the answer is.

I do know when I talked with you once I told you to go slowly and not rush putting a herd together. I think sometimes we get so excited and get over our heads rather quickly. Breeding is very stressful as there are so many things that can go wrong and I know the stress alone can do a lot of people in. I have had second thoughts myself many times when things go bad.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide

Kay


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## Suzie (Jun 9, 2008)

Melissa, there is a lot more here than getting rid of the horses. My husband and I have been married 24 years and not once in that time have I told him to get rid of something that he enjoyed to "save our marriage". We have not always liked the same things and to be honest until we started in the minis 8 years ago, we never liked the same things. But that did not mean we could not enjoy our individual interests and still be happily married. I love him way too much to demand he give up anything just because it does not please me.

I would strongly suggest family counseling. A drastic weight loss in your husband could be a signal something else is going on. It is not unusual for children to grow out of interests from time to time and adults grow tired of the "same ole thing" too. But I have to agree with the statement "this week the horses, what goes next week?" There is more to this story than just being tied down with animals.

You will probably end up selling your horses anyway to please him and your daughter but I hope you are not letting go of your dreams in hopes of solving this problem. At most, I feel it could only be a temporary fix.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you can come to some compromise.


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## MBhorses (Jun 9, 2008)

Thanks everyone for your taughts and prayers.

Please keep our family in your prayers.


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## K Sera (Jun 9, 2008)

I hated to even comment on this but I had to! Sounds like your husband is looking for a "smokescreen" to cover up what's really going on! DON'T give up what makes YOU happy! Take the necessary measures to be able to do for yourself and know that you will be fine ... it may take some time and some tough times ahead but you can do it .... you and the kids and the horses!





Been down that road before .....


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## mininik (Jun 9, 2008)

Sounds like a midlife crisis to me. I would downsize if it'll make life more enjoyable, but I wouldn't ditch everything I love for someone who is supposed to love me.



Been there, done that and IT DOESN'T WORK.


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## susanne (Jun 9, 2008)

It sounds like you are the only one making an effort to save your marriage...why should it be entirely up to you to make such sacrifices?

You say he is acting like he's 20??? That sounds ominous to me. Just a thought, but did he pick the one thing he thought you would refuse to give up so that he could go sow his wild oats and not be the bad guy?

I absolutely agree with Jill that you DO NOT ask someone you love to give up their passion.

At the very, very least, you could keep a couple of your favorites and board them so that he can have his no-yard lifestyle without entirely cheating you of your dreams.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Take care.


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## minie812 (Jun 9, 2008)

All I can say is I sure wish you the best whatever your decision is but it sounds like hubby may be using the minis as an excuse for other issues whatever they may be, maybe he is overwhelmed with something right now. I would sit down and have a heart to heart and not do anything to drastic right now as things could change later for you.


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## Floridachick (Jun 9, 2008)

Sounds like you need to sell your husband! Seriously, nobody that LOVES you would ask you to sell your land and all your herd. Is he depressed? Sorry


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## Vertical Limit (Jun 9, 2008)

Floridachick said:


> Sounds like you need to sell your husband!


UGH! I agree. I say WAKE UP and smell the horse poop! There is more going on here.

There are better solutions than having to give up everything you love. No man is worth your self identity.


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## disneyhorse (Jun 9, 2008)

Hmmmm I sort of agree with the others... a relationship is a two-way street. I do NOT believe in ultimatums without compromise that BOTH sides are not HAPPY with.

I agree... downsize to (not sure how many horses you have) 2-3 horses and see how it goes. See if it makes a difference.

If both of you want to move, it will be easy to board that number of horses (I live in an apartment and board six). That way he has his smaller house and you still have some horses to love on.

Before you jump into something crazy, see what you can work out.

Andrea


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## susanne (Jun 9, 2008)

Melissa,

The more I think about this, the more it bothers and saddens me.

Whether he will go with you to counseling or not, you need to talk with someone about this. You will not be doing any good at all for your children if you make such a one-sided sacrifice. They will know that you allowed yourself to be miserable for their sake, and conclude that that is what marriage and family are about. I'd rather the children see that loving your family does not mean giving up your dreams.


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## Miniv (Jun 9, 2008)

I agree with everyone that has said ---

Love (and marriage) is about compromise, not total sacrifice.

Something sounds not right with your husband's weight loss, behavior, and sudden change of interest.

Counseling seems to be in order, IMO.


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## FairytailGlennMinis (Jun 9, 2008)

Compromise is one thing....selling down to where he isn't having to do the work is one thing...this however is flat out *emotional blackmail*. What happens after you give up the horses and the house so he can pretend to be footloose and fancy free again? What will be making him unhappy and you the bad guy then? There is a LOT more going on here...


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## Leeana (Jun 9, 2008)

It takes two to make a relationship work



.

I am 100% devoted to my ponies, if my "man" ever say "hey hunny, im sick of these ponies, we are selling them" i would say



and



to him and then give my ponies a



.

But that is just me



.

Okay, seriously now, i am sorry but PLEASE talk to him, let him know there are OTHERs in the family besides him and if he doesnt want what is best for you and what makes you happy well then that is not good !


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Jun 9, 2008)

Just going to agree with what everyone else has already said. We have been married 37 years, and there is no way my hubby would ever even think of asking me to do something he knew would not make me happy nor would I to him. If I were you..I would not give my horses up for him..What is going to be next???.... and THEN will you and the kids be happy???









Something just dont sound good about this. SORRY.


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## Maxi'sMinis (Jun 9, 2008)

I know this is really hard. I can feel your pain and sadness. I have to agree with the majority. There is no person worth giving up your entire life for especially under these conditions. If you are capable of supporting some or all of your horses then I would keep them. If you don't have income that is a different situation. If I would have given up everything for the men in my life I wouldn't have anything left by now. Pretty much it's LOVE ME LUV MY ANIMALS. Stand up for your self girl.

Prayers GOD will give you the strength to get through this tough time and make the right choice for yourself and your daughter.


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## Marty (Jun 9, 2008)

Nothing in the world would allow me to ever put my horses in front of my family, but I also think this is not the total problem although horses can be a readily excuse for other underlying problems.

Most men think with their wallets. I have to wonder if having horses is draining your finances. We all know they surely can and the bills with owning horses just keep on coming. Did you perhaps tell hubby that if he invested in horses for you that you would reap good profits? Is it possible that maybe he thought breeding horses was going to put him on Easy Street?

As far as horses tying you down he of course is absolutely correct. My hus wants to do some traveling with me and he is ready for vacation out of here. With a herd, it's not easy but do-able if well planned out.

I hope you two can sit down and figure out where the problem really is. Best wishes.


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## barefoot (Jun 9, 2008)

I understand Melissa. If my husband was unhappy with us having horses I would get rid of them. If we needed to make a life change and move I would find homes for them. Would break my heart. But I would do it.

Sometimes someone needs to be self-sacrificing. Sometimes we need to take turns being self-sacrificing. Maybe he can take a turn next time. I think your thinking is very loving.

Emma


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## Reijel's Mom (Jun 9, 2008)

Marty said:


> Most men think with their wallets. I have to wonder if having horses is draining your finances. We all know they surely can and the bills with owning horses just keep on coming. Did you perhaps tell hubby that if he invested in horses for you that you would reap good profits? Is it possible that maybe he thought breeding horses was going to put him on Easy Street?



I was about to inquire re: the same thing! Many folks go into this and think they are going to make money, but I think more and more are finding that it just isn't working that way, at least not right now. Feed, vet, and farrier bills seem to cost way more than what most of these minis are selling for. I was at a mini auction this weekend and it was one of the saddest things I've ever seen. NICE registered minis, some with show records, some bred mares, some with babies at side - to be had for literally almost nothing. Some did not even get bids on them



!

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you can keep a couple as pals for you and your niece.

I think it will take a long time to sell a herd, anyway (unless you plan to take them to a sale) - so maybe that will give you and hubby time to think and plan things out.


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## JourneysEnd (Jun 9, 2008)

Went through the same thing 20 yrs ago except it was dogs.

He started exercising and losing weight. Said the dogs (I was a breeder) were keeping us from traveling and doing things.

Then he decided the house was too much responsibility.

Then he decided I was the reason he was unhappy.

Been divorced 19 yrs now.

So sorry you're going through this. Hope your story ends up different.


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## Cathy_H (Jun 9, 2008)

Thing is what are you going to do for your "fix" - what will you be doing to fill all of your time that you now spend on the horses? Do you have other hobbies that you will be doing just for "you"? If you do not then I say you are not going to be happy & it IS going to affect your family & affect your relationship with your husband - perhaps even to the point of resentment.................... If the "wifey ain't happy then the hubby ain't happy" & he may want to get rid of the next thing that is making him unhappy & I feel his finger may be pointing at you.


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## Echo Acres (Jun 10, 2008)

I felt a need to post on this one. My husband and I are trying a fresh start after nearly getting a divorce. It seemed as though everything pointed to the horses fault (he is not a horse lover like myself and kids). I am not like you. I felt that if my husband was so selfish to ask me to give up something that meant so much to me and has been a part of my life longer than he has, that he didn't love me enough to stay around. Yes, maybe cut back and make more time for the family. But how happy would you be moving to town and not having horses. Probably about as happy as me and guess what, I don't think it will work in the long run. If making him happy makes you and your kids miserable... I say good bye husband. Sorry to talk so harsh, but have been in a similiar situation. I have been married for 10 years. He doesn't truely love you if he is asking that...think this over very hard before it is too late!


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## wade3504 (Jun 10, 2008)

My husband has tried to tell me that our two horses are the root of all of our issues and I do say ours as nobody is perfect so I do things he doesn't like and he does things I don't like. He told me that we needed to sell them (still paying for one) and I told him just as soon as he sold his boat and four wheeler I'd get right on it. He hasn't ever mentioned selling them again.

I understand that family comes first but you are part of that family.

I live in an apartment and at one time boarded four minis so there is no reason to get rid of all. We can travel and my husband does nothing with the horses unless he so chooses.

Since you said he didn't give you the ultimatum of him or the horses, just that he didn't want them anymore, have you talked with him about downsizing?

Amanda


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## Tapestry Minis (Jun 10, 2008)

My husband and I have been through these kind of conversations but he has never told me I had to get rid of them all or it was over. He has never and said he would never tell me they had to go because he knows how much of a passion it is for me. I know that through the last two years with all the losses we've had has been though on me which in turn makes it tough on him. He does not like to see me so up happy especially when dealing with something that is supposed to bring me happiness.

Just a thought but maybe with how hard you took the few losses this year he doesn't want to see you tear yourself up constantly about what happened since things like that in this business just happen. Or maybe he is tired of hearing about something that couldn't be helped. As my husband has explained it to me if you just focus on the bad and are not happy about the good why do it?

I think some re-evaluation and as most have said some counseling are in order.


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## tagalong (Jun 10, 2008)

> Most men think with their wallets. I have to wonder if having horses is draining your finances. We all know they surely can and the bills with owning horses just keep on coming. Did you perhaps tell hubby that if he invested in horses for you that you would reap good profits? Is it possible that maybe he thought breeding horses was going to put him on Easy Street?


*Melissa* - I agree with *Marty*.... perhaps you need to look at the big picture. A few pages back, *kaykay * mentioned something about putting a herd together too quickly and rushing into things - which was a thought I have had when reading your posts over these past few months...

*Sit down and talk about it. Calmly. Don't overreact. Look for a compromise. * Kids can go hot and cold on horses - or any other hobby - so I would not be too concerned about your daughter - the spark may light up for her again.

And - I am saying this in a kind way - maybe look at yourself as well. Is everything _thehorsesthehorsesthehorses_ to the exclusion of anything else? There is a chance that you do not even realize how much time you spend on them, how much you talk about them etc.

As others have noted in previous posts - it takes two to make this work - and I hope that everything works out.






***

Edited to agree with these these wise words from *Tapestry Minis*...



> Just a thought but maybe with how hard you took the few losses this year he doesn't want to see you tear yourself up constantly about what happened since things like that in this business just happen. Or maybe he is tired of hearing about something that couldn't be helped. As my husband has explained it to me if you just focus on the bad and are not happy about the good why do it?


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## Jill (Jun 10, 2008)

Hoping things are starting to look better or make more sense this morning, Melissa!


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## MBhorses (Jun 10, 2008)

The horses are still for sale no changes.

thanks for all your prayers.I pray that I am doing right for my family only time will tell.I will be heart broken when the last horse leaves.



He don't want any of the horses. Yes I do talk about horses 27/4.



I babysit during the day, so i will have to get another job as well wow



alot to take in all at once


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## Riverdance (Jun 10, 2008)

Melissa,

This is all VERY SOUND advice. Men always feel their unhappyness must be their wives fault. So they lash out and make their wives change what their wives enjoy most. But it will not end there. You will get rid of your horses and he will come up with other excuses.

Children are not happy living with both sets of parents if there is fighting going on all of the time, or if they have to give up things that they love just to make the father happy. What a thing to be teaching ones daughters, that men are more important than women. I am not saying that working on keeping a marriage together is not important, but who is doing all of the working and sacraficing to keep it together? It should be both ways, or the daughters get the message that they are of less importance than a man.

If he truely loved you, he would not ask you to give up what you enjoy most. You say you truely love him, would you ask him to give up something that he enjoyed? Or would you sacrafice everything so that he could have and enjoy what he wants? Why do so many women do this?

Fortunatly I got strong enough to say I mattered too. I have been on my own for over 11 years now, and I can say I do not miss having a man around!!! As a matter of fact, I will not even date. It is just not worth it to give up myself for a man anymore!!!!


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## RobinRTrueJoy (Jun 10, 2008)

I am so sorry for your troubles.

I have a nice guy for a husband, but he is not horsey. I think it is only lately after 31 years of marriage that he actually GETS how devoted I am to them and how they are my life. We have no children. he animals are MY family.

A few things that come to mind.

Most men tend to think with 2 items, one is their wallet, the other is.... well... we all know.

My husband thinks about the wallet. We have been breeding minis since 1994. We have had some crushing blows with the minis, from losing my best mares, to losing terrific babies, losing reproductive abilities in mares, major colic surgeries, C sections, premie foals that were critically ill. Most were heart wrenching and almost all wrecked our finances. I have a hard time letting critters go to the rainbow bridge without a huge fight. With a few exceptions, my husband gives me a lot of crap about the money. Things are very tightbecause of it.

IF you went into this thinking you would make money, you were so mistaken. And husbands don't like to find that out. Makes them crazy.

I know that you had a vet problems, now I can't remember, either a bad foaling, loss of a mare or foal... which is very disheartening and expensive.

You worked hard and put together your herd quickly which I am sure was pricey.

Guys want everything fast, like making money on the horses. Perhaps he is really concerned over the money and is down about the loss with the horses..

I, have been told I talk horses too much, so I actually force myself to talk to him about other things SOMETIMES.

We have had some rocky times in the past 3 years.

He really does get it that my horses are my life , finally. During these spells, I told him that I didn't care if I have to live in a tent alone, I will find a place for me and my horses and you know, he believes me now. And that I will find a way to afford them, alone if needed.

I don't know if I could afford to stay here alone and I would have to move if we ever broke up unless I got a shark for a lawyer.

I am concerned over this weight loss and attitude and I personally would keep my thoughts to myself about it and be very observant. If you find evidence of a "problem", document it somehow and keep a record of what he does. Check his cell phone to see who he calls and who calls him. Does he stay on the computer alot and very late? Have you checked your computer for what he does on it? If you find something keep quiet , gather eveidence ,print things, protect yourself and don't tell him or he will start clearing the computer and cell phone.

I hope its just the wallet thing.

In the mean time, I would try to decide which horses I could live without and try to sell them. Decrease your expenses a bit and see if that pleases him.

Right now, we are strapped with many vet bills, the premie foals and dogs, but I listed 5 for sale 2 fols and 3 mares (half my herd) and I am trying to pick up extra shifts at the hospital to help. Listing the horses and doing even one extra shift has changed hubby's attitude a lot lately. Of course I haven't been lucky enough to sell any but he sees I am making an effort.

BUT I will NOT sell them all. I would prefer a pup tent ALONE with my horses and dogs. I would have no life without my critters.

Perhaps sell off a couple of the ones that won't kill you and see if it helps.

Best wishes,

Robin


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## Charley (Jun 10, 2008)

It is hard to sell your whole herd. Two years ago I sold ten of our fourteen minis. My daughter now has the four ones that I did not sell. I pay all the bills for them and oversee the vet and farrier, making sure I am there for them. I mow the fields, clip the horses, and move horses around in spring and/or fall. I live in Georgia and they are in Virginia. I also sold three of my four dogs and a herd of 12 goats.

It was a shock to not go out every morning and night. Felt like I part of my life was missing.

I now spend too much time online, have plenty of hobbies, and still miss all my horses, even the ones I still own. Our situation is due to relocation of my husband's job. We don't have the land here for horses. I think I have done what is best for each individual horse. Two of the horses that I still have were from sales that I had second thoughts about...one I kept the horse after the buyer failed to make a final payment. Sent back the amount she had paid and kept the horse. And the other horse, I bought back when the buyer could not make ends meet to keep the horse.

It will take time to adjust. I can remember seeing a couple of my horses leave the farm and it was sooo hard. But I went out in the field and hugged each one I had left and was very thankful for having had so many horses in my life. It was a joy to know the horses that I had. I had planned on having them for the rest of their lives. I did try at first to keep up with them, but came to realize that I had to let them go emotionally as well as physically. I do hear about six out ot the ten through the grapevine. They are all doing well. The other four I'm sure are doing well as I did find them good homes with people that I trust.

It is hard to sell horses, but when you are selling a herd, it is even harder. *I wish you the best*....just look out for them and do your best to find homes for them that you feel will work. Follow your instincts, it you have any doubts about a buyer don't sell to them. Wait for the right homes for each horse. They are out there...and your horses are trusting you to find the right one for them.


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## rockin r (Jun 10, 2008)

Melissa,

Just my 2 cents worth here. Before I would sell out my herd, I would try to lease them out. That way if things change you can always get them back. If not, they may be in a good home and they might want to purchase them..Good Luck! I will keep you in my prayers....Theresa


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## bfogg (Jun 10, 2008)

I smell a fox in the woodpile and it's female, proceed carefully. I think the horses are only the beginning,he will find something else your not doing to make him happy. I bet he has it planned...

I am sorry and I hope I am absolutely wrong.

Hugs

Bonnie


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## Vertical Limit (Jun 10, 2008)

bfogg said:


> I smell a fox in the woodpile and it's female, proceed carefully. I think the horses are only the beginning,he will find something else your not doing to make him happy. I bet he has it planned...
> 
> I am sorry and I hope I am absolutely wrong.
> 
> ...


Amen Bonny! But this is falling on a deaf ear. Melissa has already posted that the horses are going. So we are all beating a dead one here.

All the best to you Melissa.......


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## Just Us N Texas (Jun 10, 2008)

I have to agree with Bonnie. She and I both smell the same fox in the woodpile. An old saying used to go, "if they lose weight, start buying new underwear, paying more attention to how they present themselves to the public, then there is a new hen/rooster in the pen! If you sell all the horses, your property, etc., then he will have more money to spend on "other" interests, and not feel so guilty of leaving you with financial burdens! Sorry if that sounds jaded, but age and experience makes you that way.


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## Sonya (Jun 10, 2008)

You have gotten great advice from everyone. I am sorry you are going through this. You both need to go to counseling. Hugs to you.

And remember, in this type of situation, no one is going to take care of you, so please take care of yourself!


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## wcr (Jun 10, 2008)

I read through this thread and have to agree with the majority. And with the majority I don't want to sound harsh or hurtful in any way but there is a lot of wisdom in some of the old sayings ie the wife is the last to know, can't see the forest for the trees. You have a lot of women on here responding and the gut instinct is that there is something rotten in Denmark.

I can sympathize with wanting to put your family first and maybe you do need to downsize but to give up your passion and love of what you have built for a man who is "acting like he is 20, lost a lot of weight, doesn't want to work and wants to sell your property, doesn't like the horses and wants to sell them all". Sorry but this sounds like a man who has one foot out the door and is being extremely selfish. Compromise is what you do to keep relationships together not make ultimatums and expect the whole family to give up everything for your whims.

Before selling horses and property I would go to a good marriage counselor and find out what the real issues are. As sad as it is to imagine, your marriage may be over no matter what you do and it is better to find out now before you give up everything that you love and makes you happy.

As I said, I am not trying to be hurtful in any way and am sorry if it sounds like it but am just stating how it sounds to my ears.


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## tnovak (Jun 10, 2008)

Is he going to be happy when you are so unhappy??????? Certainly he should compromise-keep one or two??? I can't understand how he would be happy when you are grieving so.


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## capall beag (Jun 10, 2008)

My advice would be RELAX, don't make quick decisions.

List the horses and see how things go.

Maybe the balance in your life/relationship is off!

My hubby hates, well certainly doesn't like my animals and I have lots

I NEVER expect him to help me do anything for them and I respect his feelings about them.

However, sometimes he suggest we get rid of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO! Ah NO!

I had animals before I was married, it has been a lifelong passion for me and NO I will not give up myself for my marriage.

That said, I make sure they do not consume me or my life and I encourage my husband in all his hobbies.

I think it is a little odd your husband bought all these animals and now wants to dispose of them





They are living, breathing animals not whimsical toys








That said maybe you have gone too far with the horses and they have become too much of a priority in your life. Sit back and look at it rationally and see what you think is happening here.

Definately, my job as a mother comes way higher on my priority list than my animals BUT I can do both I just need to work harder and get up earlier!!!

My husband is more important than an animal to me BUT if I gave up all my interests for him, which he wouldn't really expect me to do, I would have no interests left????

Can't imagine I would be very fun to be around then!

Sit back and take a deep breath, maybe you need to lighten the horse load.

When you sell a few maybe everyone will feel better and you can move forward from there.

Listen to your husband and see what his needs are.

Then listen to yourself and figure out your own needs!

There is room for both to be fulfilled in a good marriage.

DEFINATELY don't forfeit a marriage for a horse BUT a good marriage doesn't fall apart over a horse??

So maybe you can both figure out what needs to change.

Good Luck





My advice would be RELAX, don't make quick decisions.

List the horses and see how things go.

Maybe the balance in your life/relationship is off!

My hubby hates, well certainly doesn't like my animals and I have lots

I NEVER expect him to help me do anything for them and I respect his feelings about them.

However, sometimes he suggest we get rid of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO! Ah NO!

I had animals before I was married, it has been a lifelong passion for me and NO I will not give up myself for my marriage.

That said, I make sure they do not consume me or my life and I encourage my husband in all his hobbies.

I think it is a little odd your husband bought all these animals and now wants to dispose of them





They are living, breathing animals not whimsical toys








That said maybe you have gone too far with the horses and they have become too much of a priority in your life. Sit back and look at it rationally and see what you think is happening here.

Definately, my job as a mother comes way higher on my priority list than my animals BUT I can do both I just need to work harder and get up earlier!!!

My husband is more important than an animal to me BUT if I gave up all my interests for him, which he wouldn't really expect me to do, I would have no interests left????

Can't imagine I would be very fun to be around then!

Sit back and take a deep breath, maybe you need to lighten the horse load.

When you sell a few maybe everyone will feel better and you can move forward from there.

Listen to your husband and see what his needs are.

Then listen to yourself and figure out your own needs!

There is room for both to be fulfilled in a good marriage.

DEFINATELY don't forfeit a marriage for a horse BUT a good marriage doesn't fall apart over a horse??

So maybe you can both figure out what needs to change.

Good Luck


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