# It's official,,,I do NOT like my sons girlfriend



## Frankie (Apr 2, 2010)

My son is 17, has been seeing this girl for about 10 months. I have not said a word or complained to him, have given her more than a chance, but I'm pretty sure I'm done! I just am not a fan of hers.

She doesn't talk and hardly responds to my questions. I usually ask about things she does and school. She'd know the answer to that and maybe talk. She will walk in to the house and not say a word. Last I checked it's still polite to say hello.

Last fall she was at one of his tennis matches, she came up to me and asked how long until they got started, they were warming up. I told her they already started and were in the 4th game. She went to him all upset because I treated her stupid. I was just trying to help her learn the game, she had never seen one before.

Has been bad since. If she's coming over, I get a lecture about not upsetting her. Well, I haven't but I can work on that!




.

He and I had our date night set, but she cried about wanting to see a movie that night. Uhhhhh, NO!

She was coming over one night, I had planned to fix supper, she didn't like what I had planned and asked if we could get pizza. Asked him, not me. I don't have time to make her happy and couldn't even if I wanted to.

You know our sons really need to listen to there moms, after all, we were THAT girl once and we know!!

I know you can't say anything, and yes I'll keep trying, and yes he is my baby and no girl is good enough,,,but this girl is very trying!!!

Marty, what did you do with girls like this, wait'em out?


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## Watcheye (Apr 2, 2010)

Oh shes sneaky. I hate the whiny teens.

*edit (sorry I guess that wasnt very helpful at all....just sounds annoying. Hope things go better for you guys. When I was that age as far as I can remember I was friendly to my boyfriends parents. I wanted them to approve of me).


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## alongman (Apr 2, 2010)

AMEN!!!! Some girls are just whiny...........but, wait, so are some boys.



I put money on you Frankie.......you can take her.


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## White Socks Miniature (Apr 3, 2010)

all I have to say is....where are her parents?!! Good grief, If I ever talked to someone like that/ didnt talk to them, asked for something different because I didnt like it, invited myself over for a movie night ect, ect. I dont think I would want to come home! Yeesh! There were times where I disliked my parents but I knew they were right and at least behaved well in others presence! Even when I was 5 and 6 I knew better than to tell someone I didnt like something and to eat what was on my plate! It amazes me that some young adults dont have a basic concept of manners and social skills!


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## Marty (Apr 3, 2010)

My boys are two completely different kids when it comes to girls. Michael was satisfied with his one true love that he had forever, for years since middle school. I adored her, she was so sweet, but she was way too young and I tried to bust that up constantly. I felt worried for her; that when they would ever break up, she would never be able to handle it; that a girl that young should not be that serious. It backfired on me terribly and I learned the more I fought it, the closer they'd become. Michael hated that I was interferring and it kept him constantly upset so I finally backed off for his sake. How horrible that in the end she lost the love of her life to death, not a break up, and to this day has not been able to have another real boyfriend.

Girls don't last too long with Dan. I didn't mean to raise Casanova but apparently I did. I often ask him who is flavor of the month is. He only fell hard for one last year, little Miss Size Zero, the Princess, the Drama Queen......among other things. She was the only girl he ever brought home to meet me, so I knew then, he was serious. She is a model, and was rude, stuck up, full of herself and I saw right through her that she wasn't serious like he was. She couldn't carry on a conversation for nothing; just one word answers, no matter how welcome I tried to make her feel at home, she was stiff as a board. I was dying to make short work of her, however I said nothing, did nothing and bided my time. I had learned my lesson about interferring from Michael. I knew Little Miss Snot Face would move on eventually. And she did. I wanted to chew her up and spit her out. When it was all said and done he asked me why I didn't tell him what I really felt about her and I asked him if it would have done any good and he said probably not.

My advise to you is not to interfere and to ride it out and weather the storm. Sooner or later, she'll screw up and he'll figure it out. That kind of girl gets enough rope and ends up hanging themselves.


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## Littleum (Apr 3, 2010)

Just going to chime in here, because what you're saying struck a chord with me.

Well, she's 17. Chances are she'll be gone eventually. And chances are, she's exactly what you say she is.

Chances.

I met my husband when I was 18 and he was 19. We've been together 13 years.

I never really got along with his family. It's not that we didn't get along, it's that well, frankly, we communicate differently. Even 13 years later, I feel like we grapple with the fact we seem to express things in exact opposite ways. Square peg, round hole. Just an example, but my family shows affection through teasing. His family is the EXACT opposite. So for the first four years, his parents thought I was awful- they just didn't TELL anyone this. They just grinned and bore it, figuring I was a passing thing. And then the floodgates opened 4 years later on my husband with zero warning. His parents never actually spoke with me about it. Ever.

If you think there's a chance this girl might be a long term fixture, don't let these feelings fester. If it's a real failure to communicate and her heart is in the right place, she'll want to address the issues. Bringing them to surface after years of "good natured tolerance" and "I'm only telling you now because I realize she's not going anywhere" will only create incredible feelings of resentment and betrayal in her, and will probably damage your relationship with her (and quite possibly your son) in a very real and very permanent way. Give her a chance to show her stripes.


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## Sonya (Apr 3, 2010)

Well girls at 17 are often shy and do not know well how to communicate, especially with parents of their boyfriends. You just have to ride it out, chances are the relationship won't last long, but then again it could. One thing I will say...you do not want to raise a momma's boy who needs his apron strings cut. I married one and if I hadn't cut those strings right away, the marriage would not have lasted. Yes, it's great that a son respects/loves his mother (it will ultimately determine the kind of husband he will be when he grows up) but you don't want those strings so tight that it will shut out every other person he comes in contact with. If this girl is not good for him, he will have to learn on his own....if she is what he wants, you will have to accept it....and remember just because she is not good for you doesn't necessarily mean she is not good for him. Your complaints are more of how she treats you and not how she treats him....so keep that in mind. Does she sound whiney? Yes, but she is 17 and girls these days are not like they were 20 years ago.

My words come from someone who was NOT liked by the in-laws at first...ultimately because they felt I was taking away their son...they were angry that he wanted to be with me instead of his family. I remember it was my birthday, our first year of marriage and we made plans to go on a two day canoe trip, well they were angry because on Sundays we usually went to thier house (and no they had nothing planned for me). He was actually going to cancel the trip to please his Mother....cancel his wife's birthday, I had to nip this in the but quickly or we would not have made it. Now, things are totally different and they love me to pieces, when they call they normally talk to me for 15 mins and him for 5....have I changed....no....they did.

I say just let it ride out....as long as she is not treating him badly, it's really not of concern to you. I know that sounds harsh but he has to do these things on his own.


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## CharlesFamily (Apr 3, 2010)

I'd like to say give her the benefit of the doubt and hopefully she'll come around, but that didn't work in my family. When my brother was 18 he began dating this girl who acted EXACTLY like you are describing. I was already married and out of the house, but at family get-togethers she wouldn't talk, hide out in another room, etc. We were told she was just "backward" and "shy" and our family was just too overwhelming for her.

I won't even go into what she put my family through for 6 long years. It's too unbelievable. Unfortunately, in your situation, there is nothing you can do. The more you push and try to point out what she is doing, the more your son will turn to her and push you away. That's what happened to us.

Just tough it out, try and kill her with kindness! Hopefully she'll end up being the one who looks like the fool in the end and hopefully he comes to his senses!

Good luck!


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## Frankie (Apr 3, 2010)

I do appreciate your thoughts, some I hadn't considered, none I felt harsh.

I do have an older son, he will be 33 next month, don't tell anyone though, talking of my 17 year old makes me a little younger!



He never dated one like this. All were out going, and polite, but like was mentioned, that was several years ago and yes, the girls were different.

I have considered a lot with this one. She is caught between parents who are divorced who have stuck her in the middle. Live with me I'll give you all this, type stuck in the middle.

And I am not putting them all in the same group, but she is the "classic" cheerleader type girl, and I think we all had one of those at our school.

I have looked at the positives. She is always dressed nice, is a straight A student, involved with other school functions and clubs and does well.

It's hard to say how she treats him, I'm sure she is different when not around me. This is where I don't like the cell phones. Back in the day, they had to call the house, sometimes me answering, and getting to say, hi, how are you and having a small conversation, but now, she just calls his phone.

I can make more of an effort I guess, and like I said, I haven't complained to him, do not want to push him in any direction, and I will try and consider what you guys have said.

But if the wind blows right again, and she says one more time it smells like horses out side,,,I'll take Adams advice!


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## Sunny (Apr 3, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. My daughter just turned 14 and the dating world is on the near horizon. I hope she never brings home a boy I disapprove of as much as you do this girl your son is seeing!

Not having faced your situation yet myself, I'm probably talking through my hat, but this is what I would do. First, I would talk with your son and, gently but firmly, express your opinion about this girl and the reasons for it. It probably won't change things or make him dump her, but at least the seed would be planted. From what I've read in your various posts about him, he sounds like a very sensible young man who has a lot of respect for his mom. At least he might think about what you said. Second, I would have a talk with that girl. It's your home that she is visiting, and you deserve to be treated respectfully. My guess is that she hasn't had the best upbringing and it's not your job to do it now, but I don't think it's inappropriate for you to tell her that "in this house, we greet each other when we arrive" or "in this house, we eat what's put on the table", or whatever. (With any luck, she might dislike it enough to never come around again! LOL Except that your son might go with her....) Over the years my daughter's friends have come for dinner or whatever and, if they weren't in the habit of saying please and thank you at home, they developed it at my house!

My daughter (14, looks 16) met a 15 (looks 18) year old boy at a karate clinic last Friday night, and then saw him again the next day at the tournament. They spent a lot of time together through the day and exchanged emails and MSN's. I asked her Sensei (teacher) about him and his opinion of the boy was very high, so I felt comfortable enough. In the car on the way home, I laid out some ground rules about dating so she would know my expectations ahead of time. No big surprises there. I know they chatted online a number of times through the week and then, lo and behold, she asked me if he could come to her karate class on Thursday evening. So he did, and I had a chance to meet him and talk with him quite a bit. What an absolute treat this young man is! Very polite, strong handshake, talks easily, hardworking, industrious, etc. Everything a girl's mom could ask for!  I hope this is a sign of thngs to come!


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## Watcheye (Apr 3, 2010)

It smells like horses?? Obviously she does not understand just how cool horses can be. Does she like movies? There are some awesome horses in films. They are very artistic. Tell her I said that lol. horses are ARTISTIC

grumble grumble... Id probably get in trouble with her lol





There have been some great points on this thread. I was looking at girls back in the day were different and more polite. I was that age almost 10 years ago. How far back are we going to be one of the "girls back in the day"?

Its good that you look for the good points. Alas, if I were her though and some of those things came out of my mouth, Id be ashamed/embarrassed.


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## Sonya (Apr 3, 2010)

I do not agree you should talk to them about it...i think it will drive a wedge between you and your son IMO. I'm sure they both can tell how you feel in some respects..they are not engaged or anything and chances are it's just a high school romance that will pass.


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## Katiean (Apr 3, 2010)

Since they are 17 you might run some damage control. I mean my mom got married when she was 17 and not because she was pregnant because she wasn't. Big sister came along 1 1/2 years later. Anyway, Since this girl won't talk much why don't you invite her and her parents for dinner. Something informal. Maybe a BBQ. That way she may want to interact a bit more to keep her parents from saying too much. Just a thought.


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## Littleum (Apr 3, 2010)

Katiean said:


> Since they are 17 you might run some damage control. I mean my mom got married when she was 17 and not because she was pregnant because she wasn't. Big sister came along 1 1/2 years later. Anyway, Since this girl won't talk much why don't you invite her and her parents for dinner. Something informal. Maybe a BBQ. That way she may want to interact a bit more to keep her parents from saying too much. Just a thought.


Agree. And it's a chance to instill some trust in your son. That mom IS looking out for him, but isn't going to meddle.

To her just marching into your house, MAYBE your son has told her "Sure, come on in when you get here. Mom won't mind" Maybe he wants the girl to be at ease and that you're "cool" or something. So the next time it happens, why don't you seek out wherever she went in your house and say (in your most happy-to-see you voice) "Oh, hi, I thought I heard you come in! Next time, could you just ring the bell or let me know you're here? I like to know where folks are- just a mom thing! Bye!"

If she continues to just march right in, then you are fully justified to say to your son, "I have ASKED her to do X, I am not pleased." You have a concrete example of her not complying with a very clear request.

To her and the whole dinner "can we get pizza" thing, again, you don't know what conversations she and your son had. Maybe your son's like "Don't worry, babe, we'll just get pizza if you don't like it", there really could be any number of reasons. So to that end, if you know she's coming over for dinner, use it as a chance to reach out to her. A simple email like "Hey, glad you're coming over Saturday night. We're going to be BBQing.... looks like chicken and some ribs. Do you like BBQ sauce or just grilled?" Give her options to pick from.

If she shows up Saturday night and makes a fuss, well, you can just tell her to sit her little missy rump down. Again, you've given her the rope to hang herself with.

If she really doesn't shape up and continues to disrespect you, I'm fairly sure your son will step in and deal with the problem himself.

Oh, and speaking from sad experience. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, even if you feel like you're being overly blunt and specific.


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## JaniceZ (Apr 7, 2010)

> I do not agree you should talk to them about it...i think it will drive a wedge between you and your son IMO. I'm sure they both can tell how you feel in some respects..they are not engaged or anything and chances are it's just a high school romance that will pass.


I agree. As an 18year old girl, I would not appreciate my parents telling me what 'type' i should date. I know that parents mean well and want to spare me, but I need to learn from my mistakes.

I don't know if your son is rebellious, but telling him you don't approve might just make her seem more appealing to him.


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