# my husband is nearing the end of his long fight



## Charlene (Nov 14, 2007)

gary has been in the hospital since the wee hours of friday morning. he is in the end stages of renal cell cancer. he has fought a valiant battle but we have lost. we are hoping to bring him home friday or saturday and we are set up for hospice to help us care for him until he passes, most likely a matter of only days.

it seems odd to post such a personal thing in a public place but i have been coming here long enough to consider you people my friends. please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for his peaceful journey to God and for me to have the strength to get through this. he has been my soul mate, the love of my life for 11 wonderful years.

charlene


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## alongman (Nov 14, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you.....


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## heart k ranch (Nov 14, 2007)

Gosh! I'm so sorry I was rooting for Gary!

I'm so sad that this is happening.

Cyper ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care of yourself too!


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## laughingllama75 (Nov 14, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this rough time. Please hang in there, let us know if there is anything we can do.


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## Sunny (Nov 14, 2007)

My heart and prayers go out to Gary and you....


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## REO (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene I have no words to tell you the sorrow I feel that he is losing his fight. May he pass on easy and gently. And may you find comfort knowing that he will always be with you. And some day you'll come together in joy again.

I wish I could give you a big hug.


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## hhpminis (Nov 14, 2007)

Wow, nothing to say except I am so sorry.

I will hold you close in thought and prayers that you have strength to get through this.

Bif hugs to you and your family.


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## Vertical Limit (Nov 14, 2007)

OMG I am so very sorry. I can only imagine your pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Carol


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## Valerie (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry to hear this........ I wish I had some words of comfort, but nothing ever seems quite right to say in these times.....






Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Barbie (Nov 14, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this so difficult time. My wish is for him to pass easily and may God give you the strength you will need.

Barbie


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## Hosscrazy (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene - all I can say is that my heart goes out to you and your family...

Liz R.


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## nootka (Nov 14, 2007)

My thoughts are with you that you all find peace in your grieving and joyous comfort in your final times together...

Love to you.

Liz


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## Shari (Nov 14, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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## lvponies (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so very sorry!! My thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you.


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## Sonya (Nov 14, 2007)

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. ((hugs))


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## Just Us N Texas (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so sorry for you and Gary, my heart goes out to you. You will be going through the hardest thing you have ever been through, but you will find these last few days will be as a gift from God. You will be able to talk to each other and say your good byes. It will be hard, but with the help of God, and your friends, you will make it through. If you have any questions, or just need to talk, please P.M. me. I have been down the same path you are going.

Carolyn


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## Mona (Nov 14, 2007)

Oh Charlene, I am so very sorry. Your post brought both tears and goosebumps when I read it. I feel so bad for you. I wish there was something I could do to help ease your pain. Sending prayers and comforting thoughts, and of course, (((((HUGS))))) too.


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## Jill (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene --

I am so sad to read this! There are not enough words. My heart breaks for you.

Jill


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## Izzyantheminis (Nov 14, 2007)

Oh that's so sad.



I'm sorry to hear that . You and your loved ones will be in my prayers for sure.


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## drivin*me*buggy (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene,

Gary is a lucky man to have such a treasure as you in his life. And you are blessed to have shared your life with him.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both during this time.

Angie


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## anita (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I am so very sorry! My heart goes out for Gary and you.

Bless you

A


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## Bassett (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but pray he will find peace at the end. I'm so glad you will have some time together before he goes. God bless you. (((((hugs &




))))) Bonnie


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## luckymeacres (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene,

I'm so sad to hear this and I don't know what to say, but we will be praying for you and Gary to get through this as best as you can.

Sending hugs....


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## Davie (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I'm so very sorry to hear that Gary's fight is coming to an end. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take this time to talk about the good times and those things that mean a lot to you both and your family. I pray that GOD lets Gary pass in peace and comfort and that he also extend his healing halo of grace around your entire family over the next days and hours.

Remember the good times, spend time with lots of hugs. Peace to you all. Gary will always be as close to you as a whisper on a gentle breeze.


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## Charlene (Nov 14, 2007)

i can't begin to tell you how it warms my heart to read these messages. thank you all so much!

gary and i have had a most special relationship for 11 years. they have been the happiest years of my life and the memories i have of our time together are a treasure no one can take from me.

over the past couple of days, i have told him that it's okay for him to go. i know he has been weary for the past few months and i could see in his eyes that he was beginning to tire. he told me recently that even when he is gone, he will be watching over me and that gives me comfort.

thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart. i'm on my way back to his side and won't be able to check here until late tonight or early in the morning.

love to you all, you are such wonderful, caring people!

charlene


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## minie812 (Nov 14, 2007)

May Gary's spirit be lifted up on Angels wings to find true peace with our almighty father...AMEN


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## _minihorses4ever_ (Nov 14, 2007)

I am at loss of words. Please know my prayers are with you, your husband, and your family during this time of need. He may not always be with you in person, but take comfort in the fact he will always be with you in spirit.


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## ClickMini (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, wishing you both strength and peace, and a prayer for you in this dark hour. Gary will live on in this world through you and those who remember him.

I am so sorry. (((((HUGS)))))


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## iluvwalkers (Nov 14, 2007)

*I can't begin to imagine your pain, my thoughts are with you and your family. Peace be with you, Nikki*


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## RJRMINIS (Nov 14, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]I am so sorry, I know this must be a very difficult time. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]Our prayers are with you.



{{{HUGS}}}[/SIZE]


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## h2t99 (Nov 14, 2007)

Our prayers are with you and Gary, may he have a peaceful journey.


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## Betty B (Nov 14, 2007)

How wonderful that you have these 11 years full of memories to cherish. I hope he gets to come home with you for a while. Thoughts and prayers are with you both for a speedy and gentle closure to his life.


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## Denise (Nov 14, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Gary.

May you find peace and strength in the days ahead.


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## River1018 (Nov 14, 2007)

sending you prayers


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## Reble (Nov 14, 2007)

Cyper ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))












For Gary, You and your family.

If you need to talk please do not hesitate to email me...


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## Basketmiss (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry for this happening to you. His angel will come get him and he will be pain free.. I know you will be lonely but he will be with you from above...


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## StellaLenoir (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so sorry.



I wish you and your husband a peacefull time. My dad passed in 2000, 7 days before Christmas. He had a weird form of rhematoid arthritis(sp) he was diagnosed 5 years yearlier and went down hill fast. He went from being a vascular surgon to wheel chair bound with o2 and morphine at will. He lived on nitro tablets. He had hospice and they helped alot. They provied support for my primary school brothers, and for my mom. They trully seem to care. i am so sorry you are going through this.

You and Gary will be in my prayers and I ll tell my dad to meet him at the gate. Again, I am so sorry.


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## Matt73 (Nov 14, 2007)

So sorry. I can't imagine. I'm sure they'll keep him comfortable and hope it will be an comfortable passing for him.

Big cyber hug from Matt.


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## Sterling (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so sad to read this. My wishes for you and Gary are that you have some peaceful time together and that he is comfortable. My prayers going out to the both of you. God Bless.


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## LindaL (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene,

I am so sorry to hear Gary is near the end of his courageous fight. Hospice will take good care of him and he won't be in any pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I wish you both peace.


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## CyndiM (Nov 14, 2007)

I'm so sorry. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord watch over you.

(((((HUGS)))))


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## kaykay (Nov 14, 2007)

I am thinking of you and your entire family.

Kay


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## woodnldy (Nov 14, 2007)

Bless You and your whole family. My prayers for a gentle passing and strength to you to carry on. Our family has been thru it and I will be praying for you all.


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## MountainMeadows (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene,

My prayers are with you during this difficult time. I cannot imagine where your strength comes from to keep us all posted.

We are here for you,

((((( )))))))

Stacy


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## bfogg (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so sorry .Hugs and prayers for both of you.It is times like these that you wish you had a magic words to help take your pain away.

I ams so sorry.

Bonnie


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 14, 2007)

Oh Charlene -

I was so afraid something was wrong since I hadn't seen you post in awhile. I am so very, very sorry. Truly you have been in my thoughts daily. . .

Prayers for you and your family.

Renee in Iowa


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## Gini (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene:

Sending prayers for a gentle passing for Gary and for strength to help you during this time.


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## tinacvt (Nov 14, 2007)

Sending prayers to Gary for a peaceful passing to God and to you for strength


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## minisaremighty (Nov 14, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. Eleven years is not nearly enough time with your beloved husband.

Hugs to both of you through these next few days.....


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## pamk (Nov 14, 2007)

I am very sorry about your husband..I said a prayer for you and your family...I hope he goes peacefully to be with God...Pam Kent


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## Connie P (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene,

My heart and prayers are with you and your family during this most difficult time. May the Good Lord watch over all of you and comfort you. (((HUGS)))

Connie Parr


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## RockRiverTiff (Nov 14, 2007)

I just wanted to say I lost my grandfather in the same way. He was then and will always be an integral part of who I am. While his last days were some of the most difficult of my life, they are also the days I cherish most, because throughout _his_ fight, I saw how much he loved life, and how much he loved us. Those last days were his final gift to us. I can't express how sorry I am that you and your husband are enduring this, but it brings tears of joy to my eyes to hear you speak of your special relationship. It's such a rare and beautiful thing. Both of you will be in my heart, my thoughts, and my prayers.


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## Crabby-Chicken (Nov 14, 2007)

Oh God Charlene,,,

I am so sorry. Our thoughts are with you. I don't know what to say.


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## anoki (Nov 14, 2007)

oh Charlene......I just don't know what to say......





You and your husband have been in my thoughts over the past week......I am soo very sorry to hear that this is happening.





I hope you are able to bring him home.....we were able to do this with my grandfather (who was born and raised on this same farm), and it was the hardest 2 weeks, but I cherish the time that he was here.....

You will continue to be in my thoughts through this difficult time......

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## twister (Nov 14, 2007)

Oh Charlene, My heart and prayers go out to you and your family in this most difficult time, may God Bless you both. <hugs>

Yvonne


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## willow29 (Nov 14, 2007)

I read the forum almost every day, but rarely post. I'm so very sorry for your pain. I lost my husband last December, and know how hard it is to lose the love of your life. Bless you and your husband. Sending prayers for you on the wind.


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## Margo_C-T (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, my heart and prayers are with you in this most difficult of times...I, too, have walked this path, when I lost my husband of over 30 years 10 years ago last month. I hope you can take some comfort in being sure,as I am, that we will be together again with our beloved ones in a better place someday, free of pain and the burdens of this life.

May God be with you and hold you close.

Margo


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## MBhorses (Nov 14, 2007)

Our hearts go out to you and your family. We will be praying for you husband and your family.


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 14, 2007)

My prayers and light are with you.


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## hobbyhorse23 (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, my tears and prayers are with you. I'm so sorry.

Leia


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## maplegum (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene,

I don't even know what to say, but feel I need to say something.

I know, from messages you have sent me, how completley in love you are with your Gary. A treasure. He lifted you out of a very dark place. He 'changed your life'.

You have all the love and support from your friends here. You are a very brave lady.

My heart is hurting for you.


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## Marty (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I'm so very terribly sorry. If at all possible, try to take a little bit of comfort if you can in the fact that you two have the time to talk and say good bye which is one thing I can't seem to get past. I know hospice is good and very helpful. Love good and cry hard and don't even try to be brave cause that is just not real. When people ask you what they can do to help tell them and let them in. Don't shut anyone out. If you need to talk by all means don't hesiate to call me. I'm easily found.


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## MInx (Nov 14, 2007)

*



I'm so sorry you both had to climb this mountain! Sometimes it helps if you pretend instead you are climbing a rainbow



*

My arms are around you and your pain is my pain, your tears are my tears.

Maxine


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## Marylou (Nov 14, 2007)

Comforting hugs, good thoughts and prayers to you and your family.


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## CAM (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so sorry and you will be in my thoughts in the coming days and weeks ahead. I have already said a prayer for your family. {{{HUGS}}}


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## Miniv (Nov 14, 2007)

There's never the right words to say........."I'm sorry" doesn't cut it.........

Prayers and White Light being sent your way, Charlene. May you have the time with Gary AT HOME to share and talk and express your love for each other. As Kathy said above, 11 years is not near enough time when you've found your soul-mate. My heart is aching for you.

God bless,

MA


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## backwoodsnanny (Nov 14, 2007)

I have been following your story and had prayed for a better outcome but often whatever is planned for us is not what we would have planned in every love affair one must go first to make a place for the other so Gary will go but he will not be gone. HE will remain in your heart as he has for the last 11 years. Prayers for smooth passage and strength to do whatever is right for you to do. He really isnt leaving you hes just going first and someday you will also go and meet again.

Nita


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## Vicky Texas (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene and Gary

I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you both in my prayers.

I know this must be so hard you. I am glad you came to your

forum family for support and prayers.

God Bless

Vicky


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## RobinRTrueJoy (Nov 14, 2007)

Charlene, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you all. I can only tell you that I will keep you and Gary close to my heart and in prayer. I will pray for a peaceful passing for Gary and for strength and peace for you.

Robin


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## eagles ring farm (Nov 14, 2007)

I am so sorry (((HUGS)))

I to have lost my husband in 1992 (we were together 22 years)

I did not have the chance to say goodbye.

It is so hard when it is also your best friend but take comfort in

the years you did have and all the memories no one can take away

and yes IMO you know they are still with you at certain times

It does get easier and the memories will bring many smiles and warmth in the future.

Praying for a peaceful time for you both


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## minih (Nov 14, 2007)

My heart goes out to you and your husband. I will be thinking of you both in your days ahead.


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## Connie Ballard (Nov 15, 2007)

May God's peace be with you all.


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## crponies (Nov 15, 2007)

I'm praying for you. May the God of all comfort wrap you in His arms during this trying days.


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## Brandi* (Nov 15, 2007)

I am so sorry Charlene



No words can express how I feel. It's wierd because I have never met you or Gary yet I feel your pain as though I had. You two will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Equuisize (Nov 15, 2007)

I hope as the days pass you can come and read these words of love and support

from the caring people on this Forum and know that we share your pain.

You are doing a wonderful thing to bring him home and let him pass where

he has lived and loved you......It's a blessing and a final dignity.

We went thru this, this past spring, with a dear friend we cared for.

Hospice is a God send, they are truly angels.

If I can help in any way please let me know.........

You and Gary are in my heart and prayers.


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## Leeana (Nov 15, 2007)

My prayers and heart goes out to you both in the days ahead ..

My heart aches for you,

Leeana


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Nov 15, 2007)

Oh Charlene all my thoughts and prayers are with you guys...I am so sorry to hear this



May God give you strength..


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 15, 2007)

I'm so sorry that your time together in this life is ending much too soon. My heart is crying for you both. The only thing that makes something this tragic bearable is the knowledge that in Gods time you'll be together again. I hope you can find peace in knowing that the angels are waiting to take Gary home.


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## Kathy2m (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene, So sorry. Its hard to find the right words, my thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you both, God Bless, Kathy


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry both of you are going thru this. I cant even begin to imagine how you must feel. I would be completely lost without Bob. We have been married 37 years. Praying for Gary and you, and also to give you the extra strength in your days ahead, and please remember God does everything for a reason and you will be together again. (((hugs))) I wish you would be closer to me so I could help you out with whatever you may need. Corinne


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## wildoak (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene,

I'm so sorry...

Jan


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## tnovak (Nov 15, 2007)

I'm so very sorry-prayers and hugs for you and your family. May Gary's journey be peaceful and painfree, surrounded by his loved ones.


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## Sue S (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry to hear about Gary, I hope he goes peacefully and God will be waiting with open arms, My prayers are being sent your way.


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## dreammountainminis (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene ,

It is so very hard to find words of comfort at this time but please know god is walking beside you in your time of need. May Gary pass into the light in comfort and love . And may god give you the strength to carry on knowing Gary will always be in your heart and watching over you...


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## Candleliteranch (Nov 15, 2007)

I have no words of wisdom to offer, but please know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers.......


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## Watcheye (Nov 15, 2007)

I am so sorry. I hope you have lots of great support surrounding you.


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## Bluerocket (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene and Gary - my heart, warmest loving thoughts, hopes and prayers are with you both. May the passing be an easy one if at all possible. -- May your love for each other survive your "separation" -- may you find joy with each other in eternity.

JJay


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## Charlene (Nov 15, 2007)

i am overwhelmed by the love and support here! i do not have time to read the postings tonight but hopefully, when things settle tomorrow, i will be able to do so. we are planning to bring gary home tomorrow. i have accepted this and i am dealing with it as best i can. i have my moments but when i do, i remember the caring people here and i am able to go on.

from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your kind words, love, support and your personal stories. it means more to me than i can put into words to know you all care.

i will be back to read and update you all the FIRST chance i get!!!

love & hugs!

charlene


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## Minimor (Nov 15, 2007)

I'm so sorry Charlene. May God grant you strength for the coming days, and may He give Gary a peaceful passing. My thoughts & prayers are with you for sure. {{hugs}}

Holly


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## Cathy_H (Nov 15, 2007)

Oh my, that is so sad to hear! I don't know what to say. Bless you & his loved ones & may he go in peace!


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## appymini (Nov 15, 2007)

Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I was so hopeing.I hope you both have some nice quiet and peacefull time together on his last days.Liz


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## StarRidgeAcres (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene and Gary: May God grant you both the strength and peace you need.


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## Shelley (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry.

I've been through basically the same experience with a spouse eleven years ago. It's something you don't totally understand unless you've been there.

_Please_ feel free to pm me if you feel like you want to talk, or vent, or whatever.

HUGS

Shelley


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## Danielle_E. (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene and Gary, I am truly at a loss for words



. I have been thinking of you and Gary since I first read this thread yesterday but just didn't know what to say.. I wish there was a way I could take away the pain ..... I am so glad that God chose to bring you and Gary together 11 years ago and that you found such happiness for that time. I hope in the days to come you can lean on family and friends for comfort during these so difficult times.

God, please, when it's time for Gary to "go home" to you, send your angels to give Charlene and her family strength in knowing that even though Gary may not be among them physically that his spirit will suround them until you call each and everyone of those remaining to come home to you and Gary once again.

Hugs to all of you and dear Gary, may you feel the love of your entire family, of those here on this forum and that your journey be peaceful knowing that your Charlene will be surrounded by your light and your spirit presence for eternity.


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## qtrrae (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene,

I am so sorry. Lots of prayers coming your way for you and Gary.

Just remember "Those Who Live In The Lord, Never See Each Other For The Last Time"

Those words have always brought me so much comfort, may they help you in even some small way.

May God give you strength and comfort.


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## LaraP (Nov 15, 2007)

Its hard to know what to say.. I can just pray that God will give you that inner peace that will help you thru all this. And may God take Gary into his loving arms where he will have pain no more.

Bless you all

Lara and David Pier


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## ShawneeCreek (Nov 15, 2007)

Charlene: This has got to be one of the hardest times of your life. You were chosen to be with Gary for better and worse and this is the worse. As he gently goes you will both have peace.

God Bless you both.

Jacquie


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## Laura (Nov 15, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene, [/SIZE]

My love and prayers are with you both...


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## Brandi* (Nov 16, 2007)

Charlene,

Just checking in before bed time to let you know I am thinking of you two


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## Littleum (Nov 16, 2007)

Many prayers.


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## Robin1 (Nov 16, 2007)

Charlene,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Gary. I hope he passes in peace knowing how much he is loved and you knowing how much he loves you.

Robin


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 16, 2007)

Charlene I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and Gary this morning. I hope you both had a restful night.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 16, 2007)

Just checking in, and and letting you know, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Corinne


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## zoey829 (Nov 16, 2007)

I am so sorry. It is so painful for this to happen. I can hardly read the post w/out crying. I am so sorry.


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## Georgine (Nov 16, 2007)

Sending our prayers and thoughts to you and yours.

Loved ones are always near, and waiting for us...just around the corner.


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## Charlene (Nov 17, 2007)

i have finally had a chance to read each post here. for those of you who have been through this nightmare, i am so sorry for your loss. for those of you who have never had to experience this, my prayer is that you never do. it is, indeed, the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

as for where my strength comes from...gary has a huge family and each and every one of them has, at one time or another over the past 21 months, picked me up when i have fallen. they have all been here for me over the past few days and will continue to be the most important people in my life. they are a loving, hugging family and have told me repeatedly that they cannot imagine a better caretaker than i and they are thankful gary found me. it is sheer torture to have to watch gary's mother bring her son home to die. she and gary have always had a very special relationship, he was born to her when she was only 16 and gary has kidded her all his life that they "grew up together". nana and i have laughed, cried, hugged and had some deep spiritual discussions over the past few days. how she remains so stoic is simply beyond me.

we arrived home (we are staying just up the lane at nana's) yesterday. gary is settled in a room just off the living room. i am sleeping on a mattress on the floor next to his hospital bed where i can hear him if he stirs. he had a really good night last night, he slept well and is tolerating the pain medication. i am so thankful we can keep him comfortable. my worst fear in bringing him home was that we could not control his pain but the hospice people have been absolutely a Godsend to us. they check in often and are only a phone call away.

we are moving gary's big recliner to nana's today. we will place it in the living room where he will be able to sit and watch the activity. there is always something going on, somebody visiting, and i want to keep things as normal as i can. gary has always loved that chair and it will be so good to see him in it! much of the time, he mumbles and is hard to understand but every once in a while, he will mention the name of one of his brothers and he will laugh. i know he is remembering fun times and that does my heart good. the hospice nurse explained how, when he seems to be staring off into space and "out of it", what he is doing is helping God prepare him for heaven. we will never know what he is "seeing" but i am confident that he is at peace because the look on his face tells me so. we are a very spiritual family and gary is especially close to God in ways i never really knew until after we had been together for a while.

thank you all again for your compassion and offers of help. i have read all of my private messages and hope to find time later to respond to them all. i heard from lisa and robert, too, is failing. i think of them every day and i pray for robert's peace and lisa's acceptance. i am amazed at the strength of not only lisa but of myself. it seems to come out of nowhere.

love to you all! it's SO good to be home and this morning i hugged my horses a lot tighter and a lot longer than usual. my minis are getting unbelievably fuzzy!! they are SO cute!

charlene


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## StellaLenoir (Nov 17, 2007)

Hugs to you and yours((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 17, 2007)

Charlene I'm so glad to hear that you were able to bring Gary home. Hospitals are a good place to be when you don't have a choice but certainly not the last place I'd want to be. I know, in some ways, it's probably more difficult for the rest of you, but so much better for him to be in familiar surroundings with people who love him.

It's truely amazing the strength that God gives us when we really need it. I've never been there personally, but I saw my sister's strength when she lost 2 sons within 2 months. The strength to endure the unendurable is another of Gods many blessings.


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## anoki (Nov 17, 2007)

Sooo glad to hear you have Gary home....in a familiar setting....

(((((hugs)))))

good to 'see' you in here too.....





~kathryn


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## MInx (Nov 17, 2007)

*I got up today thinking of you..Bless Gary in his dignity and Peace be with him and you also..I know the holidays will be very very hard for you and please know our prayers and best wishes won't stop when this is over..Marty can tell you I bet that peoples love and caring are so very important after it's all over and quiet..*

I see you have a wonderful large family to help and I'm so glad of that. We have such a small family and we all get so lonly as we all live far away from one another so Bless your numbers all.

Soft hugs,

Maxine


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## Marnie (Nov 17, 2007)

I'm so sorry Charlene, this is just terrible news. Bless you and your loved ones in this time of need. Hugs.


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## Brandi* (Nov 17, 2007)

Happy you guys are home and comfortable. Sending Lots of hugs your way


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## CZP1 (Nov 17, 2007)

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Glad to read that he is home.

We lost our mother in-law three years ago the a few days before Thanksgiving to a rare form of liver cancer. They were making plans for her to come home and have hospise come in. We live 12 hours away where she was and we were able to see her and spend some time at the hospital with her. She passed the next day at the hospital.


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## Equuisize (Nov 17, 2007)

Charlene, I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I do not know where the strength and stoicism comes from that

sees us thru such times. It must lay dormant inside us, till

it is needed.

Gary will pass peacefully, in a a comforting place, with those that

love him the most.....

Use hospice, call them with any concern...they are your ally

in this time.

Take good care


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## Charlene (Nov 17, 2007)

thank you again, everyone! i have so often thought about marty over the past few days and i have told myself that i hope i can be as strong as she is. marty, you truly are an inspiration to me.

we moved gary's recliner and he is happily sitting in the living room with several family members. he really did seem to brighten up when he saw his old familiar chair and oh boy, it does my heart good to see him enjoying it! he is the center of attention! he has not had any pain meds since 6 a.m. and says he feels fine. thank you Jesus!!!

i am home for the duration. i have taken a leave from work, with my boss's blessing. my wish is that when gary passes into God's arms, he will do so while lying in mine. i want to be able to hold him and comfort him and let him know that i will be ok because i know he and God will be watching over me.

such a sad time but gary is making sure we all know he is ready when the time comes. our faith is strong. maybe we have a few more days, possibly even a couple of weeks and we will cherish every moment.





it helps so much to be able to put my thoughts into words here. you all are just another one of my many many blessings!

charlene


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## hhpminis (Nov 17, 2007)

Gharlene

You are an amazing woman. Your strength and outlook is so upbuilding. I hope you know that is is OK to come here and not be strong if you feel the need to be weak at any time. Let us help you if you need it. I will continue with you in my thoughts and prayers. I am so glad you are finding things to be happy about and are enjoying every minute with you husband.


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## Reble (Nov 17, 2007)

You are not alone Charlene, Thinking of you in your time of need


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## dreammountainminis (Nov 17, 2007)

Charlene,

This forum has been a blessing and will continue to be for whoever and when ever it is needed...There is alot of honest ,caring and loving people here ..Sometimes I dont know what I would do with out the forum family that I have here ....

I hope and pray for you and gary and your family , I am in your same boat except it is my dad and he has parkinsons .We have past a milestone his 80th b-day back in aug...But it is still just as hard to watch an older love one slip away by a diease that can not be cured ,I have many times thought I am being run over by a mack truck , because you can not do anything to stop it ...But I too cherish every minute ,hour ,day and month that we have left together...And I live by this qoute God does everything for a reason...We may not understand why , But the good lord does....You are in my thoughts and prayers and if you need to talk to someone I am only a PM away.....Take care and god bless...And I agree completely that marty is and has been an inspiration...


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## runamuk (Nov 17, 2007)

Words are not enough..............may you and yours be wrapped in love and light.


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## maplegum (Nov 17, 2007)

Charlene,

I've think of you often and the sad situation you are facing.

You are an angel



.

xox Leonie xox


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 17, 2007)

Praying for strength for you and Gary, in the days ahead. Corinne


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## bluetaterbaby (Nov 17, 2007)

Prayers are there for healing, comfort, and strength as well as lots of ((((((HUGS))))))! We all care so much and it just breaks our hearts to know that some of our forum family is suffering. Please know that you're with us in our hearts.

God bless,

Joan


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## Barbie (Nov 17, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

So glad you have Gary at home - what a blessing. It is wonderful to know you have his large loving family to help you through this and for sure you have your Forum family. My prayers are certainly are with you, Gary and all of your family and friends.

God bless you both as you go through this hard time - Gary will always be with you!!

Barbie


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## Chico (Nov 18, 2007)

Hugs and kind and caring thoughts. I'm sorry.

chico


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## Miniature217 (Nov 18, 2007)

Sending my hugs and prayers

Leslie


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## Danielle_E. (Nov 18, 2007)

Still thinking of you and Gary this morning. Hugs to both of you from the Emond family.


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## Charlene (Nov 18, 2007)

thank you again, to all!  gary rested well last night and i crashed like there's no tomorrow. cognitively, he is failing quickly and i know that is because the cancer has invaded his brain. many times, he will recognize a face but often, he does not.

we got his favorite recliner moved from our house to his mom's yesterday and he spent the whole day relaxing in it. i can't begin to tell you how wonderful it was to see him in that chair!!! we have to move him from his bed to his chair via wheelchair because his legs are too weak to hold him up but we are doing whatever we can to keep things as normal as possible for him.

i so appreciate coming here and seeing all of the prayers and good wishes. i don't know what i would do without my forum family!

love & hugs to you all and have a wonderful Sunday!

charlene


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 18, 2007)

And a wonderful Sunday to you and yours Charlene!!


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## StellaLenoir (Nov 18, 2007)

Great morning to you too, and my your day be blessed.


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## kaykay (Nov 18, 2007)

Im so glad hes home with you and relaxing in his favorite chair!

I lost 2 family members to exactly what your husband has and cared for both of them in their last days. I was with both of them when they left this world and it is a feeling I cant even describe or come close to putting into words.

If there is anything you want to ask please email me or call me anytime.

Have a wonderful Sunday!

Kay


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 18, 2007)

Charlene, you have a wonderful Sunday too, and spend every precious moment with Gary, I also lost my Dad like this. it is so hard to see them go down so fast, then in June, we lost a very close friend of ours, a big time percheron breeder, to cancer which he had been battling for a few years, but had been bed-ridden for the past 1 1/2 years, and in July I lost another dear friend also to cancer, she was a member of our forum and only 49 years old, she had been battling it for 8 years, but finally lost her couragous battle in July. I only wish they could find a cure for this. (((hugs))) Corinne


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## MountainMeadows (Nov 18, 2007)

Our love is with you and your family Charlene - we are all here for you, to help you thru this difficult time. My prayers for a peaceful passing for Gary and prayers for peace for you,

((((((XOXOXO))))))

Stacy


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## hhpminis (Nov 18, 2007)

I check everyday for an update from you and am glad to hear that you had a good night with rest.

I hope your day goes well, still thinking of you and holding you close.


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## Brandi* (Nov 18, 2007)

Thinking of you guys


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## Reble (Nov 18, 2007)

Oh Charlene, Thanks for the update, remember to look after yourself right now


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## SilverDollar (Nov 18, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make this difficult journey together. So glad Gary is home with you and your family.


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## Sterling (Nov 18, 2007)

I've had you and Gary in my thoughts and prayers. Like so many others that have posted, I too am glad Gary is home with you and in his favorite chair. A blessed Sunday to you .


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## twister (Nov 18, 2007)

Charlene, So glad you have Gary at home and in his favourite chair, I hope you have a very peaceful Sunday in his company. Prayers are winging their way to you .

God Bless

Yvonne


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## Jill (Nov 18, 2007)

I'm happy you and Gary are surrounded by family. You've been in my thoughts so much.


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 18, 2007)

Continuing thoughts and prayers for you and hubby, Charlene!


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## SuziB (Nov 18, 2007)

I am so sorry that you are losing your beloved husband, and I am so glad that God is an important part of your lives. I am glad, too, that you have your husband's family around you, helping you both and helping each other.

SuziB


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## HobbsFarm (Nov 18, 2007)

[SIZE=14pt]Charlene,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]You are an amazing woman. This has to be hurting more than I can imagine, but you are staying strong for Gary. You two are so lucky to have each other.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]God will carry him home and He will carry you through this. Please keep us posted and thank you for sharing the most intimate details of your personal life with us.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]((((((((HUGS))))))))[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Shannon




[/SIZE]


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## jrae (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene,

Our family conitinues to pray for you and Gary...I'm glad you are getting some rest and I'm glad he is home with your family now.


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## Davie (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene, I continue to keep you and Gary in my thoughts and prayer each and every day. So glad to hear that Gary is home and able to have time in his special chair and be surrounded by friend and family. Know that GOD is with you every moment of every day. That he is giving you both, strength, love, grace, and peace. Strength to you, to see that you are able to help Gary. Peace to Gary to make his journey from this earthly world to that of GODS KINGDOM an easy one.

This I know is not easy. I too have been there with my mother who had been ill. She left this earth with peace. I pray this for Gary as well.


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## MInx (Nov 19, 2007)

*Just want you to know we thought of you today!*

Maxine and carl


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## TN Belle (Nov 19, 2007)

OH MY GOODNESS!! I just read the news, I am so sorry. I have no idea what you are going through directly, but my warmest and most sincere thoughts are with you. I have to relate to what my husband might have to go through with me and it just breaks my heart. Rely on your friends and family, it's my salvation right now, and rest in God's arms. I pray that God's love surpasses all of your emotions and covers you with peace and warmth. You will get to see him again, it's not goodbye, it a see ya later, and he will be healthy, whole, and painless.


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## Charlene (Nov 19, 2007)

TN Belle said:


> OH MY GOODNESS!! I just read the news, I am so sorry. I have no idea what you are going through directly, but my warmest and most sincere thoughts are with you. I have to relate to what my husband might have to go through with me and it just breaks my heart. Rely on your friends and family, it's my salvation right now, and rest in God's arms. I pray that God's love surpasses all of your emotions and covers you with peace and warmth. You will get to see him again, it's not goodbye, it a see ya later, and he will be healthy, whole, and painless.


oh you sweet girl, to take the time to post here! i have added you to my prayers and i think about you every day. your strength will spill over to your husband and you will see that he will be your best support. you hang in there, some day this will all be just a memory for you.

again, thank you all for your kindness and most especially for your thoughts and prayers. gary is failing quickly, he sleeps most of the time now but he is in no pain and that is what is most important to me. we are at peace, i know when he leaves this world, he will be in God's care and i cannot ask for more than that. and you are so right...i WILL see him again some day and we will dance on the clouds.


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## Equuisize (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene,

I am glad to hear Gary is comfortable and without pain.

You were _so right_ to bring him home.

Take care of yourself, too. Even though your brain know the

inevitability of this.......it will still shock you emotionally.

We're all here to help you.......

You are both in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Magic (Nov 19, 2007)

Oh my, this is so heartbreaking to hear.





Adding my prayers and good thoughts to your family, Charlene, and hoping that Gary's passing is peaceful.

{{{hugs}}}}


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## tnovak (Nov 19, 2007)

I'm at a loss for words, but wanted you to know that my family is praying for your family. Your strength thru this terrible tragedy is awesome-I wish I was closer to help you thru it-sending a cyber hug to you.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene, I have no words to say other then just give you. a big hug and tell you to take care. Corinne


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## anoki (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene, I'm at a loss for words too.....but I am glad to hear Gary is not in pain...

words just don't work for me..... (((((hugs))))) You have and continue to be in my thoughts constantly

~kathryn


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## Filipowicz Farm (Nov 19, 2007)

Prayers and hugs sent your way.


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## tigeresss (Nov 19, 2007)

I really am at a loss for words but you and yours family have my blessings. I will be thinking of Gary and you. You are a very strong woman. Big hugs, and how the warmth in this thread shows just how wonderful the people of this forum are.


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## NoddalottaFarm (Nov 19, 2007)

Hey Charlene!

I'm new here, so I really don't "know" anyone, but my thoughts and prayers are with you! My husband lost his mother to cancer too. It was a looooong battle and it was horrible. We understand what you are going through. He sends his thoughts and prayers to you too. We live near Jerseyville, which isn't right next door to you, but it isn't that far away either. If you need anything, send me a private email.

God Bless!!


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## Charlene (Nov 19, 2007)

NoddalottaFarm said:


> Hey Charlene!
> 
> I'm new here, so I really don't "know" anyone, but my thoughts and prayers are with you! My husband lost his mother to cancer too. It was a looooong battle and it was horrible. We understand what you are going through. He sends his thoughts and prayers to you too. We live near Jerseyville, which isn't right next door to you, but it isn't that far away either. If you need anything, send me a private email.
> 
> God Bless!!


well hey, howdy neighbor!! you aren't more than an hour or so away. when things quiet down, maybe we can meet, i would love that!

gary woke up this morning for his meds but fell asleep just after nana and i bathed him. he has been unresponsive all day, we have been unable to wake him. the hospice nurse was here this afternoon and said she cannot tell us how long it will be but that it seems the end could be close. she suggested that i cut his dose of methadone in half tonight to see if, perhaps, he will rally tomorrow or wednesday and wake up. his vital signs were all normal. we did put him on oxygen today because his breathing seemed labored. aside from that, he seems quite comfortable and is showing no signs of pain. he is so sound asleep, he cannot even squeeze my hand when i ask.

i am truly at peace with God's wish. i do not want to see gary linger for days and days like this. this is not the man i fell madly in love with. there is simply a body in that bed, a body that is worn out. i discussed with his family today his funeral wishes. it will be simple, nothing elaborate. gary wants a quiet, simple graveside service. i will contact an acquaintance of mine who is a bagpiper. there is nothing more beautiful to me than hearing "amazing grace" on the pipes. i guess i'm doing this more for me than anything else but i know gary would not object to indulging me this one last time. i am hoping to slip away tomorrow to look at caskets and talk to the funeral director. these are things i want to be able to have all done before i actually need them.

thank you again, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers. i know i don't have to ask that you continue to pray for a peaceful journey for my sweet man. i am confident it will be just that. i have so often been thinking about lisa and robert. i do so hope they are surrounded by as much love and compassion as i have been at home.

there is one thing i will ask of you all, just for me. on thanksgiving day, when you gather, please thank God for the continued health and well being of your loved ones. give your spouses, significant others, partners, an extra big hug just for me and tell them that you love them. those words can never been said too many times.


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## hhpminis (Nov 19, 2007)

Gosh Charlene, you continue to amaze me.





I turned to my husband and told him I love him. There will definitely be a special thanks for knowing people like you.


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## nootka (Nov 19, 2007)

Thank you, Charlene, for taking the time and effort from your own very important agenda, to come and remind us how fortunate we are, though you do this just by being you...and telling your story.

The love you have for your husband is what shines through your messages.

My thoughts and wishes for all that you wish for to come true...

You are so brave,

Liz M.


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## Reble (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene that is a good ideal to get things in order, bless you for being so strong...





You are an amazing woman





I am heading to bed now, and will be saying a special prayer for you tonight


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## maplegum (Nov 19, 2007)

Hi Charlene,

You are an amazing woman. We went through something similar a few years back when my step-father had a brain tumor. We nursed him for 8 weeks, at home, before he passed away. It is very tough on everyone.

I'm so glad that he is with you, in familiar surroundings. The hospital is no place to be. I bet, that even though he isn't responsive, he can hear and feel your presence.

It's amazing where you can draw the strength from. I mentioned in my other post, that you and your husband have been on my mind so much. Your story is the reason I am learning to relax and appreciate the man I have in my life, not to mention my children and the rest of my loved ones.

You are an inspiration.





I am thinking of you both often and I am sending all of my love your way.

xox Leonie xox


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## wwminis (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene,

Our thought's and prayers are with you and Gary!

Bill


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## MiniforFaith (Nov 19, 2007)

Charlene, you and your husband have been in my thoughts and prayers.. You are a amazing woman, to think of everyone else when you are hurting so very much!!! Just wish there was something one of us could do to help. We didn't get to bring my mom home, and her's was a little different, but she ended up in a coma for 5 days. It was very hard watching her go threw that... Just try to remember him up and about.. When I start thinking about seeing her for the last time, my mind, then reminds me that that is not how it wants to remember her by. So I usually have a flash back of her yelling at me or laughing.. We are all here for you, just an eye(E-mail) or ear away.. May God give you the strength for the up coming times


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## Mona (Nov 19, 2007)

Oh Charlene, you are a strong, strong woman. The love you clearly share with your husband is beyond words. I wish him peace and love, as he crosses over, and send you thoughts and prayers to help get you through that difficult time. (((((HUGS))))) HAPPY THANKSGIVING.


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## Jill (Nov 20, 2007)

Charlene, you are in inspiration. You, Gary and your family are not ever far from my thoughts.


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## Kathy2m (Nov 20, 2007)

Charlene,

My thoughts and prayers continue for you and Gary. You are a stong and amazing woman to keep us updated through all this.

My mom had a piper play Amazing Grace at my Dads funeral for the same reason as you. When my mom passed we had a piper pipe most of her service so they both could hear. God Bless you.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Kathy


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## minie812 (Nov 20, 2007)

Footprints in the Sand...Charlene your faith and your family & friends will help guide you and Gary through this difficult time. It is so obvious how much your friends care just by reading this board. May your family have a peaceful holiday!


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## Charlene (Nov 20, 2007)

this will be quick...gary woke up this morning!!! i cut his pain meds in half last night, he slept all night and this morning seems to be a little refreshed. i removed the oxygen, his breathing is nice and even and he is no longer struggling. i will keep it handy, in case he needs it again but for now, he's doing fine w/o it.

he asked for some coffee so i gave him a few tiny sips from the end of a straw. i asked him if he thinks he might feel good enough to sit in his chair today and he said yes. i am so hoping we can have him up and in his chair before the hospice nurse arrives.

i still plan to go talk to the funeral director today. i know it's inevitable, i will need his services sooner than later and i don't see the sense in waiting.

we never know how long these good periods will last. sometimes gary will rally for several hours, other times only for a few minutes before he slips back into a deep sleep. for however long they last, nana and i and usually 2 or 3 of gary's brothers revel in them.

when we were putting gary in his chair on sunday, george and rod were on each side of him and i was guiding his hips back to the chair. i said "one more step sweetie" and he didn't move. i repeated "one more step, just one more step and then you can sit." i thought he was falling and i gasped. george started laughing and told me gary was dancing with me. that stinker was standing there and moving his feet as if he was dancing and he was grinning and winking at george. he's STILL trying to make me laugh!

in all of this, i can see a little humor here and there. yesterday and last night, it was almost as if we were at his wake. once in a while, one of us would slip up and refer to him in the past tense. we had to keep reminding each other than he is still here and it looks like today, HE will be the one to keep us on our toes.

more later and thank you for your kind words. never in a bazillion years did i ever think *I* could inspire other people. if i have, that's nice but i hope i never EVER have to talk any of you through this experience. i can honestly say, although i questioned my faith more than once in the very beginning, i have grown so much closer to God. if nothing else good comes out of this, at least i have that.

love & hugs to you all. xoxoxo nina


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 20, 2007)

Charlene, You definitely are a true inspiration for so many of us. (((HUGS))) and prayers for you and Gary. You tell Gary to keep those dancing shoes on and just keep thinking one more dance, it is so wonderful that you have family to surround you and Gary in your time of need. Corinne


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## Connie Ballard (Nov 20, 2007)

Oh Charlene...the steps that God is leading you through as you begin to say good-bye are so familiar. When my 59yr old sister was slipping away...we enjoyed the moments like you with 'one more step sweetie' type moments....amazing isnt it...to share a smile or little laugh. It seemed like building a bridge...teaching us and affirming that things are going to be ok...different...but ok. Peace be with you all.

Connie


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## Equuisize (Nov 20, 2007)

I've still got a smile on my face from your telling of Gary's

dacning with you.... What a couple you must be!

But I'm also kind of laughing as we all call you Charlene

but are you really --- xoxoxo, *Nina*???

I hope Gary has a fabulous day today......

I will keep you in my thoughts while you take care of your

other chore....


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## StarRidgeAcres (Nov 20, 2007)

Charlene,

You are the most amazing person!





I've been through this with both of my parents. With my father I was too young (12) to realize the finality of the situation so I didn't make very good use of the remaining time I had with him. With my mother, I was a married adult and had better skills to cope with it. We brought her home to our house and with the help of some amazing hospice folks, we were able to let her go in peace in a familiar place with her family around. For those who have never been through it, this will sound odd, but you may understand...it's both the worst and the best time of your life. There is a certain peace that comes with knowing your loved one is pain-free and surrounded by loved ones. It's truly a blessing to have the time to say goodbye. Not everyone gets that opportunity, so it's to be treasured. My mom's worst fear was to be placed in a nursing home. We were able to bring her to our home and that was the greatest gift I could have given her. I was surprisingly calm when she passed. We were all there when she slide quietly away.

May God bless you, Gary and the rest of your loved ones.


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## Brandi* (Nov 20, 2007)

Oh I am SO happy to hear that Gary woke up this morning. Even if it's not for long, at least you will get to enjoy him a little longer. Hopefully you can get him into his chair today



Stay strong and know that we are all thinking and praying for you guys


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 20, 2007)

Charlene your request that we remember to be thankful and tell our loved ones how much we love them brought tears to my eyes. We are always WAY too busy taking the future for granted until part of that future we counted on is gone. Thank you for reminding us. God Bless You and yours!


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## runamuk (Nov 20, 2007)

You are an inspiritation

And your reminder of WHAT Thanksgiving is really about brought tears to my eyes.

While most of us are going along worrying about tomorrow, there are those who may not see tomorrow......

continued love and light surrounding you and your family


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## anoki (Nov 20, 2007)

Equuisize said:


> I've still got a smile on my face from your telling of Gary's
> 
> dacning with you.... What a couple you must be!
> 
> ...


I ditto the exact thing that Equuisize said!!!! From smiling about Gary dancing with you.....and Nina??? After us calling you Charlene all this time








I too hope the rest of Gary's day has been just as good as it started!

And it sounds like Gary hasn't forgotten about you through all this either....yes what an amazing couple you must be











~kathryn


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## maplegum (Nov 20, 2007)

Nina!



(Is that some kind of abbreviation for Charlene?)

Just checking up on the both of you. That's great that Gary has woken up, even if it is for a brief period of time.

I'm thinking of you both.

xox Leonie xox


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## Charlene (Nov 20, 2007)

LOL, "nina" is what gary has always called me. it's been my nickname since i was a little girl but he is the only person outside of my family who uses it. i answer to either.



my mind must have been wandering when i signed it!

gary DID get in his chair today! he is resting comfortably under nana's watchful eye while i came up to our house to feed the dogs, prepare some beet pulp for the horses and take a quick shower. gary even ate a little pudding today and drank a lot of water. i think perhaps cutting the dosage of his meds (on the advice of his hospice nurse) has maybe helped. he is having no pain at all and that is my biggest concern so we're good to go!

i would love for you all to see this awesome man...this picture was taken during a time when we did not have a care in the world. can you tell?


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## hhpminis (Nov 20, 2007)

Thank you for posting the picture of Gary.

Glad the day has gone well for you.


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## Reble (Nov 20, 2007)

Thanks for sharing


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## Equuisize (Nov 20, 2007)

What a wonderful choice of a photo to share.

I'm sure he would rather everyone remember him

at that point of his life.

I will keep that smiling face in my mind when I

say my prayers for the two of you.

Hooray for a good day!

Keep taking good care of you!


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## maplegum (Nov 20, 2007)

Perfect picture for all of us to capture the kind of man he is.

xox Leonie xox


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## MInx (Nov 20, 2007)

So hi to you Gary! I see you were "just a swingin'" LOL I still love that picture of you and the QH by the barn..great picture too.

Glad it went nicely today and you can't beat pudding! Yumm..was it chocolate? MM

Please keep enjoying what you can and relish every moment guy!

Carl (Maxine's husband)


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## anoki (Nov 20, 2007)

Yes, there is a very carefree air to that picture!! Thank you for sharing it!!!

Glad to hear things went well today, and that he isn't in pain!!

lots of hugs and puppy kisses from the gang here (I am even sporting a hickey on my chin from a few extra snuggles with the little ones... OH!




)

~kathryn


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## tnovak (Nov 21, 2007)

Thanks for sharing the pic.....makes him closer to me now that I can see his face! Prayers to you all.


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## Jill (Nov 21, 2007)

I love seeing that picture of Gary!!!!!!


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## Kathy2m (Nov 21, 2007)

Great picture! I hope today is a good day for you all.....

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}} Kathy


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 21, 2007)

After seeing what a care free guy he is I'm sure Gary was dancing with you the other day. Thanks for letting us have a peek at him. Prayers for another good day for you all.


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 21, 2007)

Charlene said:


> this will be quick...gary woke up this morning!!! i cut his pain meds in half last night, he slept all night and this morning seems to be a little refreshed. i removed the oxygen, his breathing is nice and even and he is no longer struggling. i will keep it handy, in case he needs it again but for now, he's doing fine w/o it.
> 
> he asked for some coffee so i gave him a few tiny sips from the end of a straw. i asked him if he thinks he might feel good enough to sit in his chair today and he said yes. i am so hoping we can have him up and in his chair before the hospice nurse arrives.
> 
> ...


Wow, lots of tears from here also. This so reminded me of my dad. This truely is a season of Thanksgiving for you and yours. Hug him tight and my prayers and light continue.


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## Barbie (Nov 22, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

I'm thinking about you and Gary this morning and hoping you will have a peaceful day together. Lots of prayers coming your way.

Barbie


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## minie812 (Nov 22, 2007)

Have a blessed Thanksgiving today!


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## Kathy2m (Nov 22, 2007)

I hope you all can have a wonderful day. Thoughts and prayers continue for you and Gary,

Happy Thanksgiving, Kathy


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## StellaLenoir (Nov 22, 2007)

Just saw the picture of Gary, what a fun bright spirit he has! I wish you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving filled with good food, family and happy memories.


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## Dona (Nov 22, 2007)

Charlene.....I want you to know that you & Gary are in my heart & prayers. Live every day to the fullest & savor every moment together.


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 23, 2007)

Charlene just wanted you and Gary to know I thought of you several times yesterday. I told everyone at my dinner table about your circumstances and about your request and I told them that I loved them. It got me a hug from my daughter and a "well it's nice to know cause you sure don't act it" comment from my sister.



(I'd do a LOL here, but it really isn't funny.) Anyway hope your Thanksgiving was good and that today is even better.


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## MInx (Nov 23, 2007)

Happy Day after Thanksgiving! And NO I'm not shopping, I'd never survive those crowds today..

Hope today you see a small bit of sun, a glimmer of light in Gary's eye, hold a caring hand..and know I'm thinking of you.

Maxine


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## Brandi* (Nov 23, 2007)

Hey Charlene!

I was just thinking of you guys. Sending prayers your way


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## Charlene (Nov 23, 2007)

bjpurpura said:


> Hey Charlene!
> 
> I was just thinking of you guys. Sending prayers your way


thank you, brandi! i'm not having such a great day today. i have been going through some old VCR tapes. i have a friend who is going to make a CD and include films of gary doing things around the farm. this will be played during the visitation we are planning.

several years ago, long before gary got sick, i put the camcorder on the table next to the couch and i secretly video taped him playing the piano for me. we have so many songs that are "our songs" and he played each of them. before he got sick, this man could sing like an angel and he absolutely loved his piano. watching those videos today, i just became profoundly sad. i know i will always have the tapes and i will always have the wonderful memories but i will never again get to hear him sing and play for me.

yesterday was pretty intense for gary and today he was having some back pain so i had to give him a dose of morphine. he has been sleeping for the past several hours but is resting comfortably. i had a long talk with his mom and his brothers today and we all agreed, it is time we ask God for mercy and to please take him home soon. we do not want to see him linger this way.

as always, your prayers are so welcome and we all appreciate them more than words can say.

charlene


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## anoki (Nov 23, 2007)

awww Charlene.....wish there was something I could do to help, but I know there is nothing aside from the fact of having Gary back healthy that would make it feel better.

You truly are a wonderful person!! Cherish all those years...and I'm sure you wouldn't have rather missed 'the dance' than go through the pain you are going through now...

I hope all of us here thinking about and praying for you and Gary make the hard times a little easier....

(((((HUGS)))))

~kathryn


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## alongman (Nov 23, 2007)

I so admire your strenght Charlene! It takes such a strong spirit to put your own desire to hold a person close to let them go. May your final hours, days or weeks be filled with tears of joy at remembering the person you so love and calm in both your hearts.


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## MInx (Nov 23, 2007)

*Dear, dear Charlene I am so sorry. It's really starting to hit home now eh? What a treat it will be for all to hear and see him play those songs! Good on you for sharing..I know they're very private but if at any time you feel up to it, I'm sure we'd love to see some of it..maybe sometime in the future



*

As always Bless you and keep you strong and safe in the arms of your loved ones around you.

Maxine


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 23, 2007)

Thinking of you and yours, sweet girl! You continue to be very much in my thoughts.


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## hhpminis (Nov 23, 2007)

Oh Charlene,

I know the days ahead will be difficult. I cant even imagine how difficult.

Try to keep those 11 wonderful years in the front. I hope that you are granted your prayer and that Gary is soon healthy again, and once again "singing" to you in your dreams. He will never be far from your heart.

My heart goes out to you and as always, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs dear Charlene.


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## Charlene (Nov 23, 2007)

you guys are the best! and you are so right...these memories will live on forever and when i see gary in the next world, he will be waiting with open arms. there will never ever be another one like him! i find strength in thoughts of him being free from all of this. something else i have thought about...gary never knew my dad. they will meet in heaven. i hope he doesn't tell dad some of the stories he knows about me! many of them are gary's fault!!






when i'm feeling weak or blue or have thoughts that are just too much to handle, i come here and read. i wish you could know just how much it helps me!

charlene



xoxo


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## LindaL (Nov 23, 2007)

Charlene....

You are a very strong woman and will be facing such a difficult time (even more so than now) in the days/ weeks ahead. I know how hard it must be to watch those videos of Gary, but they will always be there to cherish and hold dear to your heart forever. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please PM/email me!


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## Reble (Nov 23, 2007)

Oh Iam so glad you are on here reading sometimes, I look forward to reading about Gary and You,

How did you and Gary meet? If you do not mind sharing...


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## Brandi* (Nov 23, 2007)

Charlene,

If I am ever faced with a situation like this, I know I will think of you. I will remember your strength, your faith in Jesus, and your love for your dear husband. Even though this is a hard time for you, just know that God is using you to touch others lives in more ways then you could ever know. Thank you for letting us be your support through this hard time.


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## iluvwalkers (Nov 23, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]*Charlene, when I read your posts about the life and love you two have shared and see the pictures it makes me think how lucky you are to have all of the beautiful times and at the same time my heart breaks for you. Have been wanting to post again but didn't know what to say...here is a link to a song that I think of when I read your posts...Nikki *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jb9N5qhe6A [/SIZE]


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## Brandi* (Nov 23, 2007)

ahhh I love that song


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## Reble (Nov 23, 2007)

Yes great song


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## hhpminis (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene, I am going to bed now but just wanted you to know that I am checking in to see that you are OK.

Prayers coming real soon!


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## maplegum (Nov 24, 2007)

We are all here for you Charlene. You are a treasure.

I'm struggling to find the words right now.

Love Leonie xoxox


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene, each time I check in to see how things are going I find myself thinking how very envious I am of the special bond between you and Gary. So many of us are never blessed with the kind of love and devotion the two of you share. Please know that our prayers for you both continue today and tomorrow and for as long as you need them.


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 24, 2007)

Just checking in to let you know you both are still in my heart. I admire your strength and you deep abiding love.


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## Georgine (Nov 24, 2007)

I wanted to let you know I am joining everyone in their thoughts and prayers.

I can't find words that will help you but only to let you know your strength and character is "shining thru" for all of us to "take a lesson".

As others have said, I don't know how I would handle what you are doing but you certainly are showing us a beautiful example of grace and dignity.

I pray "thy will be done".


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## Charlene (Nov 24, 2007)

good morning all! i don't have much time right now, just came online to check mail and LB and my aquarium forum. i would LOVE to tell you how gary and i met so i have copy/pasted what i posted in my other forum, the only other place i go where everybody knows our situation so, here goes...

gary and 2 of his brothers had their own vinyl siding business. when i was married, we hired them to put siding on our house. that would have been, ohhh, 30+ years ago. in the early 80's, gary moved his business to south carolina. he would occasionally come back to visit nana.

i used to run into his brother, rod, often. he lived in the same town as i did. i would always ask him how gary was doing. he would tell me he was fine and say it was strange that i would ask because when gary called home, he often asked rod how *I* was doing and did he ever see me.

when my husband and i split up, i moved to the city 20 miles away. i went to an auction every friday night and bought stuff to furnish my new apartment. at one of these auctions, i spotted this guy who looked very familiar. i made it a point to bump into him before the night was over. you gotta know the meffords, they are all huggers. i got a big bear hug and an invitation for a cup of coffee.

turns out, gary was just home visiting nana and was leaving to go back to south carolina in a few days. that one cup of coffee turned into two cups of coffee and then three and we fell head over heels in love. after about 3 weeks, he told me he couldn't stand the thought of leaving and he decided to stay. i think it was about 2 days later when he moved his tool belt into my apartment and we have been joined at the hip ever since.

eleven wonderful years, we have not exchanged so much as a single cross word, not a day goes by that we don't say "i love you". even now, when he is barely conscious, i tell him and he says it back. most times, it's just a weak whisper but i hear it and that's all that matters.

until recently, i would look around our farm and i would get so sad when i saw all of the projects we worked on together...the big flower garden, the patio with the fire ring we so enjoyed, the bird feeding stations we worked so hard on together, the hot tub on the deck that i can't see myself ever using again, my collection of breyer horses that sits on the shelves that gary made for me because HE kept bringing those darn things home and we just plain ran out of room to display them, the cabinet that he built out of old barn siding that houses many of our collectibles, the hitching post gary built for tuffy the very first summer we lived there. i could list a million things and every single one of them is unique and precious to me. and, every single one of them is inscribed in some way with the date it was made and the words "gary loves nina" (my nickname). but now, i look at all of that and i am SO glad i have it because every square inch is a blessed memory for me.

that's the story of how we met and where we are now. must run, i have simply been sitting next to gary's bed and holding his hand while he sleeps. he is comfortable and that is all that matters to us now.

thank you all again for your kind thoughts. if i haven't said it before, i will say it now...much of my strength comes from gary's mother. i simply could not get through this without her.

i do hope, some day, to be able to share some of those videos with you!!

love and hugs to you all! charlene


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## Kathy2m (Nov 24, 2007)

Thanks for sharing your story, thoughts and prayers for the family, Kathy


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## CritterCountry (Nov 24, 2007)

I had not seen this post before now and my heart breaks thinking of what you must be going through. I certainly lack the strength you have and the thought of being in the same position makes my eyes well up. I too have a great relationship with my hubby and we are like you and Gary, in that we are always with each other and always say I love you every day.

Prayers for both of you. Please take the time you need for yourself and Gary. We will all understand if you need a reprieve from the forum at this difficult time. Gary is a lucky man to have you and you to have him, and I will keep checking in to see how you both are doing. (((hugs)))


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## Equuisize (Nov 24, 2007)

My heart just aches for you, Gary and your family.

It is so hard to know that the earthly body of the man

you love has failed him....As you relive your wonderful life

together, he is also reliving it in his mind and heart.

You are making this easier for him by staying at his

side.....and letting him know when he's ready to go that

it is OK, that you and the family will be fine and no one

will ever forget him.

Neither will anyone on this Forum forget you and the

great love you've shared.

Take good care of you!


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## HobbsFarm (Nov 24, 2007)

[SIZE=14pt]I love the picture of Gary swinging and the story of how you two met. Sounds like that relationship was a long time in the making...and well worth the wait.



[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]You are so strong and such an inspiration to me and so many others here! [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Many Hugs, Shannon



[/SIZE]


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## anoki (Nov 24, 2007)

Thank you for sharing that story!!





You, Gary, his family all continue to be in my thoughts....not a moment goes by that I don't wonder how things are going for all of you....take care

((((HUGS))))

~kathryn


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene -

I know I'm not alone in my thoughts when reading your posts, and a couple of other people's posts on this forum when they are going through very hard times.

Thought I've never met any of you, I would give so much to fix it for you all, if only that would work!

The tale of how you and Gary met is BEAUTIFUL! Some things are just meant to be, and you 2 obviously were. I'm so glad that you and Gary's mother have each other right now, and that Gary has all of you.

You all will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!!

Renee


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## Charlene (Nov 24, 2007)

Equuisize said:


> My heart just aches for you, Gary and your family.
> 
> It is so hard to know that the earthly body of the man
> 
> ...


this is just exactly what the hospice nurse has told us. when we think gary is "out of it", for lack of a better phrase, we are told that he is reliving his life and seeing things only he can see. sometimes, he looks past me like he doesn't recognize me and that bothered me until it was explained that he is most likely seeing something in his mind that took place before i was with him. so many times, i will see him stare off in the distance and watch as his lips curl into a smile. i like to think he is remembering something happy, something perhaps he and i did that made him smile.

this is also a time when he is readying himself for this journey that he will soon make. he is talking to God, he is preparing to meet Him, i think he is happy with the notion that when he does slip his earthly bonds, he will be going to a place where he will be whole again and that gives me such peace.

it IS hard to watch him decline but at the same time, his decline means he is closer to his journey and to being well and happy again. how could i, as someone who loves him more than life itself, deny him that happiness?

and yes, shannon, gary was worth every minute of the wait! if i heard it once, i heard it a million times...he would tell someone that it took him "50 years to find the right one".

much love and many hugs to you all for helping me through this. charlene xoxo


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## Frankie (Nov 24, 2007)

Just wanted to thank you as well for the story, and to let you know even though I have not been on much, I have been thinking of you both a lot.

Prayers and good thoughts your way.


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## runaway ranch (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene said:


> good morning all! i don't have much time right now, just came online to check mail and LB and my aquarium forum. i would LOVE to tell you how gary and i met so i have copy/pasted what i posted in my other forum, the only other place i go where everybody knows our situation so, here goes...
> 
> gary and 2 of his brothers had their own vinyl siding business. when i was married, we hired them to put siding on our house. that would have been, ohhh, 30+ years ago. in the early 80's, gary moved his business to south carolina. he would occasionally come back to visit nana.
> 
> ...


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene, What a wonderful life you and Gary have, a lot of people just dream of being that happy together, but never really have the chance to experience it for one reason or another. You are truly blessed in the love you have for each other, and a wonderful inspiration to all of us. (((hugs))) Corinne.


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## alongman (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene -

I can only hope to look back on a relationship and be able to have half of what you and Gary have. It really puts into perspective how short life is. Life life to the fullest! Live today so you have memories for tomorrow.

Continued prayers, Adam and family


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## zoey829 (Nov 24, 2007)

My prayers are with you. Hospice is great, they really know the human mind and the after life. They said the same thing about my mom. She would look pass us and laugh or even cry. They said she sees things we dont. I can relate to your pain. As I watched my mom pass. I remeber it like it was yesterday. It was so pieceful and almost joyous. To know they are going home. Oh please keep us posted. I wish I could take your pain oh my prayers go to you.


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## FlatCreekFarm (Nov 24, 2007)

Charlene, continued thoughts and prayers for you and Gary. What a _beautiful_ life… what a _beautiful _ love story



A true example of a love that was _meant_ to be, and thanks for sharing with us. Will continue to send prayers up for you both, and Gary’s mom too. Please know you have _so_ many who care about you.


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## Reble (Nov 25, 2007)

Charlene, thank you so much for sharing, your precious story.


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## Charlene (Nov 25, 2007)

have to make this quick, just came up to the house to check mail and give the horses a snack.

we have been unable to wake gary today, he is in a very deep sleep. there are more frequent and longer periods of apnea but he is in no pain and is comfortable. by all appearances, he will soon be in the arms of the Lord and we have all come to realize over the past couple of days that this is where he SHOULD be.

i will update when i can. as always, i thank you for your continued prayers for his peaceful journey and for being here for me. as i am, gary would be SO proud of you all!!

charlene xoxo


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## bluetaterbaby (Nov 25, 2007)

I continue to lift you and Gary up in prayer. I love your story and certainly admire your strength. God is showing us all something through this. You know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. I can't imagine what you're going through; just know that you have lots of forum family here that truly care and are here for you.

God bless,

Joan


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## anoki (Nov 25, 2007)

oh charlene, I will be thinking about you often today....I know as prepared as you feel, this will be very, very hard when the time does actually come.....please take time to take care of yourself too....

lots and lots of hugs

~kathryn


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## sedeh (Nov 25, 2007)

I'm so sorry you're going through this.



My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 25, 2007)

Charlene, Just want to let you know I am thinking of you and (((hugs))) Corinne


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## woodnldy (Nov 25, 2007)

My prayers are with you both. Thy will be done.


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## MInx (Nov 25, 2007)

*Ya know Charlene, this is like reading a chronicle and a good one at that! Sharing this is so good for us forum members as a whole and me personally.*

I think we all know someone going through something similar oer personally is going through it..and sharing your story here as you go through it day by day is so generous! And I'm sure is helping many right now!

I can only hope the writing of these posts helps you get through your day and or night and know that once again, today,

I am thinking of you two with warm thoughts and prayers.

Maxine


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## Reble (Nov 25, 2007)

Just emailed you Charlene


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## Leeana (Nov 25, 2007)

Sending more love from leeana














Thinking about you several times a day still and checking in for updates.

((((((((HUGS))))))))


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## Charlene (Nov 25, 2007)

reble, just answered! 

maxine, putting my thoughts into words helps me more than you can ever know. it seems to be therapy for me to come here and report in. i so wish i could have given better news a long time ago but it just was not to be.

if my story helps anyone else, even just a little, i am glad i shared.

leeana and everyone else, thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts. i will most certainly update you when i can!

love & hugs to all

xoxoxo

charlene


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 25, 2007)

I so admire you as this time nears, my prayers and light stay with you both.


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## Reble (Nov 25, 2007)

For Charlene, Wanted to do something for you


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## maplegum (Nov 25, 2007)

Thinking of you.





Wish I could make it all better for you and Gary.

xox Leonie xox


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## Barbie (Nov 25, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

I think about you and Gary many times a day - my thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this difficult time.

Barbie

PS: Reble - that is beautiful!!


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## Charlene (Nov 25, 2007)

reble, i am in awe at how you captured gary's spirit! he has always been such a fun lovin' guy and "swinging" into heaven on angel wings is SO appropriate! great job, i will print this out and show it to his mom. i also intend to frame it for display at his memorial. thank you so much!

gary slept most of the day today and woke just a short time ago. he was restless, picking at his gown and trying to throw his covers off. i put the bed rail down and laid next to him. this is how we ended every evening. i would lay with my arm across his chest and he would stroke my arm till i fell asleep. although his hands and arms are weak and not working so well now, he still tried and it felt heavenly! he was soon back to a peaceful sleep so i came up to the house to check in and take a quick shower and pet the dogs.

thank you again for your prayers and good wishes. you all are helping me get through this, more than you could ever know.

charlene


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## maplegum (Nov 25, 2007)

* gulp*





I'm choking with emotion.


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## Magic (Nov 25, 2007)

Charlene, my heart aches for what you and your family are going through. It brings back memories of my Mom in the hospital, in July, and we had to have her disconnected from life support when she became brain dead of a bleed in her brain. It was the hardest thing to do, but the only right one.... I'm crying now because I know that you and all of your extended family will be feeling that grief.

I do know in my heart though, that my Mom is in the afterlife and watching us from where she is, and when your beloved Gary is gone, he too will not be truly gone-- he will be always be with you, in spirit, and in your memories. I'll be keeping you and Gary in my prayers.


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## Candice (Nov 25, 2007)

Charlene,

You and Gary have been in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad that you had some peaceful time togehter tonight. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Reble, that was just beautiful!!!


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## Marty (Nov 25, 2007)

Thinking of you.

I'm wondering where you get your strength.

You are amazing.


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## Kathy2m (Nov 26, 2007)

You are a incredible person, keeping us all updated on something so personal and painful, I'm keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers, {{{{{Hugs}}}}}, Kathy


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 26, 2007)

Charlene, Just letting you know I am thinking of Gary and you. I cannot believe the incredible strength you have, you are such a inspiration to us. Mary, that is BEAUTIFUL, I am sure it is something Charlene will treasure. (((Hugs))) Corinne


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## bfogg (Nov 26, 2007)

Good morning Charlene,

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and sending you and Gary prayers and hugs.

I think of you and and it reminds me of how lucky I am and also what a wonderful thing Marylou did when she started this Forum.

Hugs

Bonnie


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## Miniv (Nov 26, 2007)

I don't know how you're doing it, Charlene..........Bless you for your courage, strength, and your love.

Hugs,

MA


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## Equuisize (Nov 26, 2007)

My hope is you all spent a restful and peaceful night.

Charlene, you are setting such an incredible model

for all and any of us that may go thru this, in the future,

with a loved one.

I think it's cathartic for those of us that have been in your

shoes, not that you want to live it again, but the strength you

gain can help others., who help others, who help other....

I am sending you cushioning hugs and many prayers.


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## HaazeMinis (Nov 26, 2007)

*I so admire you Charlene. (((HUGS))) *

Corrine & a few others have expressed very similar feelings I have been having about what you going through and have summed it up quite well.

It is so difficult sometimes to put ones feelings out on paper, much less on a public forum. I do feel that you will help someone in the future just by sharing your story with everyone here and I also believe this will be and has been, so far a source of comfort and therapy for you as well.

Thank You for sharing your story with us Charlene!

I will be thinking of you, Gary & his dear Mother during this difficult time.

Mary that picture was beautiful!

*Jeri*



MeadowRidge Farm said:


> Charlene, Just letting you know I am thinking of Gary and you. I cannot believe the incredible strength you have, you are such a inspiration to us. Mary, that is BEAUTIFUL, I am sure it is something Charlene will treasure. (((Hugs))) Corinne


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## MInx (Nov 26, 2007)

*Good afternoon Charlene, just wanted you to know I'm here and thinking of you. Hoping you are still feeling your love for each other and ours on this forum..We now feel like we're part of the family.*

Bless you,

Maxine


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 26, 2007)

How wonderful of Gary to rub your arm - what a good, good man. I was just checking in on you. I hope the morning has gone well.


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## Charlene (Nov 26, 2007)

thanks mary, our morning has gone well. gary had a nice bath and nana and i changed all of his bed sheets for a fresh start to the day. of course, all of the jostling around tired him out so he was back to sleep in no time.

the hospice nurse was here this morning. gary's blood pressure was lower today but that is all normal in the scheme of things. his heart is still going strong although he sleeps most of the time now. there are more and more periods of apnea, something else i have been told is normal for end stages of life.

oh yes maxine, i feel the love of this wonderful man even when i am not in the room with him. surprisingly, he has been able to voice his love to me although it is just a weak whisper. doesn't matter, i still hear it even if it's just his lips moving.



i will feel his love long after he has departed this world, i think i will feel it forever.

i also very much feel the love coming from l'il beginnings...you have all most definitely become family to me! thank you again for your kind thoughts and prayers.

charlene


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## CritterCountry (Nov 26, 2007)

Just checking in, I choke up everytime I read a new entry from you Charlene. I so admire how stoic you are being. Tell Gary we are all thinking of him.


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## maplegum (Nov 26, 2007)

You are amazing.


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## mad for mini's (Nov 26, 2007)

Hi Charlene , you don't know me and I haven't replied to your post until now , I'm not good with words , especially with something like this but I just had to let you know that I am thinking of you and Gary and I am amazed at how strong you are , you give strength and courage to all who have been keeping up with your postings . You are a truly amazing person. I keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers every day.

I would insert an icon here but there isn't one that really fits what I am feeling for you and Gary.


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 26, 2007)

It has been almost 4 yrs since I lost my daddy just this way. I also treasured those finger tugs and tiny smiles and I will always treasure his last "I love you too". Just want you to know prayers and light continue for Gary and you.


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## AngieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I have read this thread from the beginning...have so admired your strength and your love for this man. I should hope if it is ever my turn to deal with this that I can be as strong as you. My husband and I have been married 43 years...since I was 18.

My thoughts are with you every day...my prayers are there also. I start my mornings looking at your postings and end my night with them...

If there are real hero's in this world.... even ones that are strangers you would have to be mine. Thank you for sharing you happiness and your sadness with this forum, you are quite a lady!


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## anoki (Nov 26, 2007)

I was thinking about you a lot again today Charlene....for some reason with me, it's when I'm spending time with the pups.......

Take care Charlene....you are a very special person!






Please send Gary's Mom hugs from us here too...

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## JumpinJackFarm (Nov 26, 2007)

Thinking about you Charlene ...

You are going through something so spiritual now and you will cherish these moments in the days to come.

Again, I have to tell you ...Gary is so lucky to have you





sending you a warm Hug ~ Teri


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## Charlene (Nov 26, 2007)

well now, you guys are just about to make me cry! such sweet words from everyone!

i have to tell you, i'm coping better than i ever thought i could in these circumstances. you know, i think for most people, it's almost a certain that at some time or another, we wonder what we would do without our mates should something unforeseen happen. i know over my 11 years with gary, i have had thoughts even before he became ill, thoughts of 'whatever would i DO without this man??' now that i am faced with exactly this prospect, i have come to realize that i CAN go on living although my life will never be the same...

for years, when gary came home from working a construction job, the back door would fly open and i would be greeted with "LUUUCY!! I'M HOME!!!", ala desi arnez in the "i love lucy" comedies. some of you, i know, are old enough to remember those.  there was never a dull moment around this farm. gary always had projects going, always building something, he almost always had his tool belt strapped on. he would tell me "i'm beautifying the company area." everywhere i look around here, both inside and out, i have reminders of him. most, if not all of them, have a story behind them and i have such fond memories of things we did together.

when we first moved out here 10 years ago, on my way out the door one day, i told him i'd like to have him build a hitching post for me when he had time. when i arrived home 8 hours later, there it was, set in concrete and on the top post was inscribed the words "gary loves nina" with the date.

in 11 years, i have never wanted for anything. if i thought i needed another dog, gary would say "honey, you do whatever you want!" if i thought i should add another mini horse, even though that was done not too many months ago when i had enough on my plate, gary said "honey, you just do whatever you want." i cannot think of a single time that he even said to me "are you SURE you wanna do THAT?"

we were always happy just to be together. i couldn't wait to get home from work, just to be with him. i would put off a shopping trip for as long as i could just because i didn't want to leave home and be gone from him for a single minute. it's been this way from the beginning. we both often wished we had met long before we did because had we met sooner, we would have had so many more years together. we've crammed a LOT of living into 11 years, every minute of every day has been happy, although the past 21 months since his diagnosis have been bittersweet. still, i would not trade a single minute of any of it for all the tea in china.

finally...much of my strength comes from watching how gary's dear, sweet mother has dealt with recent events and really, how she has dealt with his illness from the very beginning. although she is stoic, she is not afraid to cry and she is not so consumed with her own grief that she cannot comfort me when i need it. she is an amazing woman, that cannot be said enough. she told me not long ago that although she lost her own husband and she has lost 2 grandsons and had other sad times in her life, going through this with gary has been the hardest thing she has ever done. heck, she and i have lived together under the same roof almost 24/7 for the past 10 days and we have become almost like sisters. i can't imagine coping with all of this without her.

so, that's it, not really in a nutshell OH! but i wanted to give credit where credit is due! i guess when it comes right down to it, gary has made it oh so easy to love him!!!

xoxo, i'm tired and i'm heading to bed. love to you all! charlene


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## MountainMeadows (Nov 26, 2007)

Dearest Charlene

You are such an inspiration to us all - your love for Gary and his for you is so overwhelmingly warm and comforting.

Each morning the first thing I do is check the Forum for an update - it is with considerable trepidation, knowing that one day the news is going to be so sad, but the moments that you are so selflessly sharing with all of us about the tender touches & whispered "I love you's" are so very precious - it starts my day with tears, and again each evening the last thing I do again is check on progress, and again, end my day with tears - they are bittersweet tears to be sure, so full of love, but also with sadness for what is soon to come.

Again, your bravery amazes me and I take great strength in it - my prayers are with you, Gary and your entire family for continued strength and peace.

May God bless and keep you,

Stacy


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## Reble (Nov 26, 2007)

Get a good night sleep, if that is possible dear, and thanks for sharing.


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## maplegum (Nov 26, 2007)

What a beautiful love story. Thank you for allowing us inside your heart, and your head.

xox Leonie xox


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## Matt73 (Nov 26, 2007)

Wow. We do find strength when we need it (I can attest to that). I hope I can muster it up when it's time.

I can feel your calm and strength Charlene. Honestly. I am happy for Gary...


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## SilverDollar (Nov 26, 2007)

Charlene, your posts leave me speechless and in tears. I really don't know what to say except that I continue to keep you, Gary and his mother in my thoughts and prayers. You are an amazing example for us all.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us.

Warmest regards,

Rebecca


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## hhpminis (Nov 27, 2007)

I am checking in to see how you are doing and to let you know that I think of you so many many times a day. My wish for you is that you have seen his smile, and that he has seen yours. Your love is so obvious by the way you speak of him and I am sure he feels that with every look, every touch, every word.

I just read the post about Robert, I just cant believe the strength of both of you and Lisa and my heart breaks for you both as well.

Here's to you girls.


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene I don't think I posted yesterday but I (like others have said) check in on you and Gary both morning and night (and a few times in between). Both your love for Gary, and his for you, shine through your posts with a warm light that draws us all to your side. Though we can't be there in person I hope that you draw strength from knowing that so many of us are praying for you all. Please give Gary's mom a special hug from. You're never far from my mind.


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## Charlene (Nov 27, 2007)

it so warms my heart to know so many people are keeping gary and me in their thoughts and prayers. i come here first thing, before i even do chores (much to tuffy's dismay) to read the posts from the night before and early morning. thank you all SO much for your kind words!

gary had a restful night, snored like a freight train and that is such a comforting sound to me. he is still having and will continue to have periods of apnea. every once in a while, he will say something just as clear as a bell. yesterday he "woke" at one point, told me over and over again he loved me and then said "i have to get OUTTA here!" the hospice nurse said that could have been his way of saying he is getting ready. today is day 11 of the projected 10 days to 2 weeks we were given when we left the hospital. we are keeping him comfortable and his pain is under control. i guess we are simply waiting for his heart to say "uncle". nana and i laughed a bit yesterday and agreed, he is being as stubborn about death as he has been about everything in life.

we found more pictures of gary yesterday, lots taken last year at Christmas. i had not realized until seeing those pictures how much things declined over the months. the pictures from last year show an almost-robust man enjoying Christmas dinner.

so many fond memories flood back to me when i see pictures of him with his tool belt strapped on! i wonder what the first thing he'll build will be when he gets to heaven. whatever it is, it will be LEVEL!


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## Reble (Nov 27, 2007)

Oh Charlene, tears flowing down my face, just touched my heart so much, the tool belt and what he would make first...

Our new Son- in- law is a construction worker and is the best Son I could have ask for...

I know all about the tool belt, it is very important ...





Hope you have a good day, and talk soon..


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## Connie Ballard (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene...I had to chuckle when you said..."Wonder what the first thing he'll build in Heaven...whatever it is...will be level"........well....when he gets there...tell him to look up my Dad....he built things too...but when we sold his house...it was funny...cause we'd say..."Oh look how he did the electrical wiring here/there...way too creative with adding plugs, etc...and good grief...who ever gave that man a can of silver paint...he painted everything with it! LOL Dad loved to tinker and putz with stuff...could used a little more 'level' in his plans so to speak. Isnt it funny how clear we can see them peacefully going about their love in Heaven...where they dont hurt anymore...seems to clear when I think of it.


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## Basketmiss (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene,

I like the others check in everyday to see about you and Gary.. You are a very strong person and lucky to have had the 11 years with Gary to cherish and remember....

Some people are never happy in life so miss out on so much, even a short time of wonderful is worth more than a whole life of nothing special...

Keep staying strong- cry bushels full- dont hold it in that is unhealthy...

They are in for alot of new things to be built in heaven soon... Gary will be painfree and going to town building anything that needs done!

Will be checking everyday with your struggle, give Gary lots of ((((HUGS))) and kisses...


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## Charlene (Nov 27, 2007)

Connie Ballard said:


> Charlene...I had to chuckle when you said..."Wonder what the first thing he'll build in Heaven...whatever it is...will be level"........well....when he gets there...tell him to look up my Dad....he built things too...but when we sold his house...it was funny...cause we'd say..."Oh look how he did the electrical wiring here/there...way too creative with adding plugs, etc...and good grief...who ever gave that man a can of silver paint...he painted everything with it! LOL Dad loved to tinker and putz with stuff...could used a little more 'level' in his plans so to speak. Isnt it funny how clear we can see them peacefully going about their love in Heaven...where they dont hurt anymore...seems to clear when I think of it.


too funny! i'm sure gary will round up a whole crew of workers! my dad will be among them but gary will have to watch him closely. nothing my dad did was ever done "right", it was always done the way he thought it should be but hey, he was a SALESMAN and the furthest thing from a builder there could be! i have many memories of visiting my mom after dad died and having her armed with a whole list of things she needed gary to "fix". OH!

i tell gary every day about how much you all have meant to me since i shared our story. even though he cannot respond, i know he hears me and i will continue to tell him of all the prayers being said.

i am taking a couple of hours to putter around the house and will check in before i head back to gary's side.


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## Kathy2m (Nov 27, 2007)

Well Charlene, there will be another builder to visit too, my Dad, it had to be level and square, and when doing trim the cuts had better be right he sure didnt like using caulk or wood filler. I remember one of the hardest days was when we sold our first house, there was so much work my Dad had done in there, one was the fireplace mantel, I cryed so hard at the closing that day, knowing that my new house would not have my Dads little touches. Take comfort in knowing you have that from Gary, Thinking of you all, Kathy


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## Brandi* (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene,

I am just checking in. Thank you so much for your updates! You two have been the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the mornings. Hang in there


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## Sandy S. (Nov 27, 2007)

PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU TO KEEP HANDLING IT LIKE YOU ARE, I DON'T THINK I COULD. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND GARY.


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 27, 2007)

Honey, you need to write a book. This is one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever heard. I ache for you both that you aren't getting the time together that we all wish you could, but I'm so very awed by this love you have shared.

Renee in Iowa (with 2 new corgi foster girls that I'll share pictures of with you someday - you & Gary were some of the first people I thought of when I brought them home - 2 little lollipop girls on their way to a much better life).


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## dreammountainminis (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene,

We are praying for gary and you everyday..I have followed this story from the begining along with many others ,You show the love and understanding and devotion that every relationship should have...May peace be with you all at this time .

I can just picture him and his toolbelt in heaven , the things he will do....Take care of your self and remember we are all here for you ..


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## anoki (Nov 27, 2007)

Yep, I'm another....I check first thing in the morning...as soon as I get back from doing chores, and periodically throughout the day!

I know one of these posts are eventually going to be 'the' post....but I am soo glad for your sake that you did share and continue to share the process....

I am also glad that you and Gary's Mother have been able to lean on each other for support. You are BOTH very strong and very special people!





I hope Gary doesn't run into many people that are the type 'cut it off twice and it was still too short' OH!



Might slow him down a little bit with what he is building! LOL

Take care and more ((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Charlene (Nov 27, 2007)

Reijel's Mom said:


> Honey, you need to write a book. This is one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever heard. I ache for you both that you aren't getting the time together that we all wish you could, but I'm so very awed by this love you have shared.
> 
> Renee in Iowa (with 2 new corgi foster girls that I'll share pictures of with you someday - you & Gary were some of the first people I thought of when I brought them home - 2 little lollipop girls on their way to a much better life).


LOL renee! sometimes i feel like i AM writing a book. i wish you could know how much it helps me to come here and put things down in black and white. when i am feeling i can't possibly put one foot in front of the other, i come here and read this thread. it gives me the boost i need to get my butt in gear!

sandy, don't sell yourself short. i truly believe that every person has it within themselves to rally 'round a loved one in their time of need. for 11 years, gary has been at my side through thick and thin. i cannot imagine being anywhere else other than at HIS side during this fight.

i'm not sure i ever mentioned this, probably not, but 7 years ago i had to have both hips replaced. during month after endless month of my recovery from two surgeries, gary did it all. besides his construction business, he kept the housework up, he kept the dogs fat and sassy and he did my horse chores without so much as a single complaint about having to slog through feet and feet of snow and bitter winter temps. he did it all with a smile and he always made sure the blinds were open so i could watch him from our bed through the window. he would wave to me occasionally and grin from ear to ear. i know it was miserable for him but he did it with a smile every single day until i could once again take over. the least i can do for him is to be at his side now.

aww kathy, i know the feeling. for a long time, especially over recent weeks, i have looked at things gary and i did together and i felt a sadness that there will be no more projects for us. but now, i can look out at everything he did and i marvel at his skill. i have reminders of him all over and there is comfort there.

thank you, once again, for being here for me!

charlene





EDIT EDIT EDIT!!! renee, pleeeeease post pics of the new lollipop girls first chance you get!!!!


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## Denise (Nov 27, 2007)

I don't even know you and Gary but I come here every day to look for your posts, I read them and cry. The love you have for each other is amazing! Your strength is amazing! You are one very special person. I think of you and Gary often and pray for you both and your families.


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 27, 2007)

Well Charlene tell Gary he'll have to add Bill to his heavenly crew; but tell him in advance nobody but Bill can do anything right. Bill was my stepdad who raised me from age 2 and who was much more of a father to me than my Dad was. When he died we talked about what he would build up there and how he would argue with God himself about how it should be done. (((((hugs to you all))))))


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## maplegum (Nov 27, 2007)

You are an inspiration, you beautiful lady.


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## Charlene (Nov 27, 2007)

ok, appylover2, i'll tell gary what you said but don't think for a minute that bill won't have his hands full! gary always used to say "stand back and lemme show ya how it's done!" when he became too ill to do it himself, he would sit on the deck in the glider and supervise me from a distance. i think it drove him crazy to see me using his favorite drill. when i would finish a project that, by all rights, we should have been doing together, he would say to me "you DID it! great job!" i always told him of course, i learned from the best!





things seem to be winding down. gary has been in what seems to be almost a comatose state most of today. he lays with his eyes open but unseeing. at least, to us they are unseeing. i believe he is making his peace and letting God prepare him for his upcoming journey. yesterday, he whispered to his brother "i saw joey". joey is his brother's son who died 9 years ago at the tender age of 19 of a brain aneurysm. gary has so many loved ones who have preceded him in death and i am sure they are all waiting with open arms. in a strange sort of way, it gives me comfort to know that. i have been reading a lot about end-of-life experiences and each one of the stories i have read have been so beautiful. they have greatly helped me understand what is in store not only for gary but for me. i really think i can let him go knowing he will be happy. in time, i will be happy even though i will miss his physical presence. he will always be with me. i have also prepared my heart for this journey, gary will take it with him.


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## Brandi* (Nov 27, 2007)

"_i have also prepared my heart for this journey, gary will take it with him. _"

Charlene this was such a beautiful thing to think about for me. Thank you for putting it into words


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## Barbie (Nov 27, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene - your strength amazes me daily. My prayers continue to be with you and Gary - not to mention his mom as well.[/SIZE]

Barbie


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## MInx (Nov 27, 2007)

*Well, my turn again..can't stay away



Wishing you peace and warmth for the evening.*

Maxine


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene, Just letting you know that I am thinking and praying for Gary and you. You just seem to amaze me with your incrediable strength through this all. I sure hope if this ever happens to me, I can be half as strong and courageous as you are. (((hugs))) and you have yourself a good night. Corinne


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## hhpminis (Nov 27, 2007)

Gosh Charlene, I wish I could meet you face to face, you are such an incredible person. You amaze me, Gary is a very lucky man, and it sounds like you are a very lucky woman too.

Hugs to you tonight and always


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 27, 2007)

Any chance we get to see pictures of the 2 of you kids together?


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 27, 2007)

Still with you, my heart is so full reading your love.


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## MountainMeadows (Nov 27, 2007)

Charlene, Gary, Mom & family,

You are surrounded by love - our hearts are breaking along with yours, may peace be with you,

Stacy


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## Connie P (Nov 27, 2007)

My continued thoughts and prayers are with you and Gary tonight. What a wonderful wonderful woman you are.


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## maplegum (Nov 27, 2007)

* gulp *

Big lump in my throat.


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## _minihorses4ever_ (Nov 27, 2007)

Just doing my daily check-in too. You are truly an amazing woman.. Your strength continues to amaze me.

My prayers are with you and Gary tonight.


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## twister (Nov 27, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you too, your love is wonderful to see





Yvonne


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## Robin1 (Nov 28, 2007)

Prayers for you, Gary and family. May he pass in peace knowing how much you all love each other.

Robin


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## Kathy2m (Nov 28, 2007)

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}


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## sfmini (Nov 28, 2007)

I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you daily, check in at work and sit and cry for you at my desk. So far, I haven't been caught. Good thing since it would be so hard to explain the tears.

You are so lucky to have had such a great love. It doesn't seem fair it wasn't longer, but I am jealous of your wonderful relationship, something I have never had and probably never will.

Best wishes to you, and hope that Gary is able to remain comfortable.

I think this forum is the best support group you could hope for, and right at home no less.


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 28, 2007)

Good morning Charlene. As I've been catching up on the latest posts I found myself thinking how very blessed you're life has been. Not only have you been blessed by your love for Gary and his for you, but you've also been blessed by your faith. Without faith your pending loss would be nearly unbearable. I also want to add my appreciation for your willingness to share your life and love with us. May God Bless and hold Gary, you and his family in His loving arms.


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## Charlene (Nov 28, 2007)

i always feel like you all are watching over me and that's such a wonderful feeling!

i don't have a lot of recent pics of the two of us together mainly because i was always the one taking the pictures but here is one taken 3 years ago at Christmas. this is my son, me and gary. not a lot has changed, i just have many more gray hairs! OH!







the lollipop kids love their daddy! gary never had to ask twice to have a corgi plop in his lap! here he is with simon...






and of course, maggie always got lots of cuddles...






once gary was too ill to go outside, he used to ask me when i was gonna bring the minis in the house to see him. i never quite figured that one out so although he did have a chance to get to know rebel, he never really spent much time with red. this picture was taken just 2 weeks before gary fell. it's hard to believe he was doing so well at that time...






thanks for letting me share!

gary had a fairly restful night last night. i honestly do not know what is keeping him alive. at this point, he has not had any food for at least 2 weeks and only occasionally sips water through an eye dropper. thankfully, he is in no pain. i tell him constantly that when he feels it is time to go with God, i am prepared to have that happen. he smiles weakly as if to say he knows.





you ALL are keeping me going! xoxo charlene


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 28, 2007)

Charlene, You sure have some fond memories in your pictures with Gary.You can just feel the love you have for one another. Your pictures will become your most important treasures in life. Thank you so much for sharing them with us. I am glad to hear that Gary had a fairly restful night, but what about you? Are you taking care of yourself through all of this? I wish I was closer to you, maybe there would be something I could do to help you out. (((hugs))) Corinne


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## Charlene (Nov 28, 2007)

MeadowRidge Farm said:


> Charlene, You sure have some fond memories in your pictures with Gary.You can just feel the love you have for one another. Your pictures will become your most important treasures in life. Thank you so much for sharing them with us. I am glad to hear that Gary had a fairly restful night, but what about you? Are you taking care of yourself through all of this? I wish I was closer to you, maybe there would be something I could do to help you out. (((hugs))) Corinne


i agree, the pictures i have of gary are numerous and every single one of them is a treasure!

i'm doing ok. nana makes me eat. nothing really tastes good to me and every time i put food in my mouth, i think of gary unable to eat and i feel almost guilty. i guess i'm getting enough to keep me going but eating is anything but pleasurable. as long as gary is sleeping, i am resting. more or less, i sleep with one eye open so i can watch him breathe. i wake at the slightest sound and when i do, i stand over him and just watch him.

oh corinne, you ARE doing something for me...you are checking on me, praying for us, wishing gary Godspeed and that is what is most important to me!

must get back to nana's house and gary's side. i will check in later, when i can. love & hugs to you ALL! charlene


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## Jill (Nov 28, 2007)

I'm following this thread and am thinking of you, Gary and family so many times a day!


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## hhpminis (Nov 28, 2007)

Good Morning Charlene, I see that you are still on.

Just wanted to give you a morning hug, I hope you can share with Nana and Gary as this is for them as well.


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 28, 2007)

Just doing my morning check in. BEAUTIFUL pictures of a beautiful family Charlene, thanks for sharing.


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## Reble (Nov 28, 2007)

Oh Charlene, thanks for sharing, thinking of you. The only thing I can do for you right now, is

make a collage of all those beautiful memories you have posted... :Cheek Kiss

If others would like to try, I am sure Charlene will love to see what we can create.


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## Valerie (Nov 28, 2007)

Charlene,

thank you for sharing your lovely pictures, they say a picture is worth a thousand words and I see so many stories and love in every picture!





Bless you all and please know I am thinking about you all and sending you a cyber hug this morning.


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## backwoodsnanny (Nov 28, 2007)

I dont get on that often but hugs and prayers for you and Gary and his mom. It will mean so much to both of you to have shared this time together. As much as she supports you you are doing the same for her and I am amazed at the courage and grace that you face this most difficult task with. I hope my faith is as strong when I am faced with this challenge. We have been married for 40 years next June and know the day is coming I think all the time that I will be ready no matter who goes first but Im not always that strong in my conviction. I think this love story should be pinned so that we can go to it or maybe put in the forum best for reference when some of the rest of us go through this. Hugs and safe passage.


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## Reble (Nov 28, 2007)

I wish I could do more ...


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## Charlene (Nov 28, 2007)

OMG mary, i LOVE that!!! wonderful, just wonderful!!!

i don't have a lot of time, must get back to nana's, wanted to check in quickly. hopefully, i will have time later. thank you all again for the kind words and rest assured, nana will see every word of this thread and every picture collage!!! i have told gary over and over again how much love and prayers are winging his way. i don't know how much of what i tell him he understands but nonetheless, i am relaying it ALL to him!

love & hugs!!! xoxoxo charlene


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## Reble (Nov 28, 2007)

OMG mary, i LOVE that!!! wonderful, just wonderful!!!

Oh Charlene, you make me feel so good when I think I have made a difference.

Maybe others can do a collage



Would be something nice to look forward too here.


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## Brandi* (Nov 28, 2007)

Good morning Charlene!

I just love the pictures!!!! Thanks for sharing them



Give Nana a big hug for us. She sounds like a wonderful lady!!! Just like you


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## bfogg (Nov 28, 2007)

Hello Charlene,

I think of you often when I think I am having a bad day and boy does it change my mind.

How strong you are and what a great love you two have for each other.

Hugs to you both,

Bonnie


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## maplegum (Nov 28, 2007)

Hi Charlene,

Your story reminds all of us just how precious life is.

Thanks for sharing those wonderful photos with us. You are all amazing people.

My love to you all

xox Leonie xox


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 28, 2007)

Just checkin in again today to let you know I still send light and care over the distance. I was so sad when this began but now I feel a sad smile when you share your memories and treasures. This time of year is hard to lose a loved one but he knows how much you love him and when his ducks are all in a row, they'll come for him. Imagine all the preparation going on over there...makes me smile.


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## SunQuest (Nov 28, 2007)

Hello Charlene,

I haven't been on the forum in several weeks, so I did not see this until just now. Please know that I am thinking of you and Gary and sending prayers your way, and of course thinking and praying for the rest of your family and Gary's family as well as the strength and courage that you all need right now must be tremendous. Many ((((Hugs))))


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## anoki (Nov 28, 2007)

Hi Charlene






I was away all day...and you know what was driving me nuts?? I couldn't check in here to see your updates!!!!!! I have been thinking about you, Gary and his mother all day.....

Those pictures are just awesome!!!



Thank you for sharing them with us.

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Ferin (Nov 28, 2007)

Charlene you are truly an amazing woman! Just from your posts here I can tell the special bond that you and Gary share. You, Gary, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

The pictures of Gary are great! He looks like such a sweet man and a joy to be around.

Thank you Reble for the collage idea!


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## Reble (Nov 28, 2007)

Charlene, we should get a picture of his mother to add?





Oh Charlene will love it, what a great job you do at cutting out. Just cannot get the hang of that...


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## SilverDollar (Nov 28, 2007)

Thanks for sharing, Charlene. I want you to know that your story has truly made a difference in my everyday life. You have reminded me how precious life is and that every day is a gift. Each morning when I wake up, I remember to give thanks for all that I have in my life and when I go down to the barn to feed, I am grinning ear to ear, so happy to see my horses.



Before I go to sleep, I do the same.

I think of you, Gary and his Mom often throughout the day. My prayers and best wishes continue to be with you all.


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## Charlene (Nov 28, 2007)

ohhh ferin! it's BEAUTIFUL!!! i can't wait to print these out and show them to gary's mom and the rest of his family! and oh my yes, gary is as sweet as they come! what a total joy he has been to me!!!

i just came up here to e-mail some pictures to a friend who is doing a DVD for gary's services. i can't stay...i believe we are getting very near the end. we are no longer able to wake gary but i know he is comfortable and in no pain. i'm not sure when i will be able to come back but i will just as soon as i can. i just have a "feeling" that it won't be long. i think all day today gary has been in and out of a transitional stage.

i will, of course, update you all as soon as i can. thank you again, the collages are just wonderful and i can see the love that has gone into each and every one of them! xoxoxo love & hugs to you ALL!! charlene





oh and yes, i will definitely post a picture of nana just as soon as i can!


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## hhpminis (Nov 28, 2007)

Hugs Charlene, I know it will be hard but all of us are right there beside you.


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## Reijel's Mom (Nov 28, 2007)

Thinking of you and wanting to check in as always, Charlene. . .


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## MInx (Nov 28, 2007)

*



Be here when ever you can dear, we'll be right here waiting for you.



*

Maxine


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 28, 2007)

Yes, we are right here for all of you.


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## maplegum (Nov 28, 2007)

Ditto. My heart aches for you.

xox Leonie xox


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## Ferin (Nov 28, 2007)

Reading your last post gave me the inspiration to create this collage.






We're thinking of you, Gary, and your family and you all will continue to be in our prayers.


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## Marylou (Nov 28, 2007)

((((hugs))))


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## anoki (Nov 28, 2007)

Ferin, that is really really nice!!!!!





Charlene, yes, we are here whenever you get a chance to pop in.....we're all thinking of you and hurting with you.....

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Kathy2m (Nov 29, 2007)

Morning check in, thinking of you, bless you all,

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}, Kathy


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene please remember.....if you ever need a shoulder to lean on.....there are plenty of them here. I pray your day is a good one!

Great job Ferin.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene, (((hugs)))nothing to say, but please know we are thinking and praying for you, Gary and family. If you ever need me I'm here. Through out all your posts all we can feel is the extreme love you and Gary shared. That itself is a very special gift to treasure. Please take care of yourself thru this difficult time. Corinne


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## Charlene (Nov 29, 2007)

ferin, thank you! i don't know what else to say, i am so touched by everybody's caring. i intend to print out each and every one of these collages and share them with gary's family.

i called the hospice nurse to come this morning. i sat up all night and just watched gary breathe. he is totally unresponsive now and rarely opens his eyes more than a tiny bit. he is feverish. however, the signs of imminent death are not yet present, there is no mottling, his heart is still strong, his blood pressure is good and he is breathing comfortably. i do not believe he is in any pain, i think his brain has finally shut down the pain thing so i have not had to give him any meds this morning. he is not swallowing. if he appears to struggle, i will put some drops of morphine in his cheek.

i truly expected him to complete this journey last night or early this morning. we have told him repeatedly that it is okay for him to go. the nurse told him again this morning that i and nana and the rest of the family will be okay and that when he feels he must go, he can do so without worry.

watching gary linger has been pure torture. i only hope and pray it will be soon. i have asked God for mercy, as we all have over the past couple of days.

i do not think i will be around home much, only to do chores when necessary. so, i will check in when i can so i can let you all know where we are. my heart is just breaking, this is the man i had hoped to grow old with and sit in rocking chairs on the porch. i have not yet brought gary's recliner back home. the thought of walking in here and seeing it empty is just more than i can stand. i'm not sure i will ever be able to bring it home.

thank you all for thinking of us, i can't even imagine what i would do with my forum family right now, i will update you when i can. xoxoxo charlene


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## River1018 (Nov 29, 2007)

*(((HUGS)))*


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## Sunny (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene, I join all the others in holding you and Gary up in prayer. God be with you, and grant you the mercy you need.


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## hhpminis (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene, I dont even know what to say anymore but I want you to know that I am here and checking in on all of you.

I pray that this all continues in peace.


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## JumpinJackFarm (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene, we have all learned so much from your strength and love. I feel your broken heart. Just know you'll be ok and so will Gary. Your love will never die.... Gary's love will be with you forever. Hugs ~ Teri


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## luckymeacres (Nov 29, 2007)

We are keeping you in our prayers










May God be with you, Gary and his whole family.


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## runaway ranch (Nov 29, 2007)

I just want to publicly thank Charlene for her support. Despite all she is going through she has been here to support me with Robert's illness. She is a gracious, warm woman.


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## Reble (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene, I wish I could put my arms around you and tell you everything is going to be OK.

Thinking of you in your time of need.





I wanted to share this:

God sees your getting tired

And a cure was not to be,

So he will put his arms around you

And whisper, "Come to Me."

With tearful eyes we're watching

and will see you pass away.

And though we loved you dearly,

We will not make you stay.

A golden heart will stop beating,

hard-working hands will rest,

And although our hearts will be broken

We know, God knows what's best.

by Reble (Mary)


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## anoki (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene,

My wish for you is that the torture of seeing your greatest love in this condition be over. I don't know how you have kept it together this long.....I hope you are releasing some of your own pain and not keeping it all inside.

You truly are an amazing woman

We're all here for you when and if you need us

((((hugs)))) for you, your family, and Gary's family

~kathryn


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## maplegum (Nov 29, 2007)

My heart continues to ache for you and everyone surrounding Gary.

xox Leonie xox


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## bluetaterbaby (Nov 29, 2007)

I'm here praying for all of you. I thank God for supplying you all with all that you need.

Mary, I just loved the poem. It was so kind to send it. It brings comfort to all who read it.

God bless,

Joan


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## Charlene (Nov 29, 2007)

thank you, lisa and thank you EVERYONE! lisa, we are kindred spirits, of sorts. not exactly the way i would have wanted us to "meet" but if i can help you through this as you are helping me, so be it.

mary, mary, mary (my mother's name



), that has to be one of the loveliest things i have ever seen in print and it so fits my gary. i have been searching for the right words to honor him at his memorial and with your permission, i would love to use your poem. it truly says it all!

kathryn, i do have my moments. usually when i am with the horses, doing evening chores...that is my time to cry. i am alone except for the animals and i feel like i can really let it all out. so yes, i am most certainly releasing some of my pain.

thank you again for all of your prayers! i'm off to do chores and cry. gary is the same this afternoon, we have found that if we prop him up on his side, his breathing is much easier and he seems more comfortable.

see you all later! xoxoxo charlene


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## Reble (Nov 29, 2007)

mary, mary, mary (my mother's name



), that has to be one of the loveliest things i have ever seen in print and it so fits my gary. i have been searching for the right words to honor him at his memorial and with your permission, i would love to use your poem. it truly says it all!

Oh Charlene, you do not need to ask permission.


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## Charlene (Nov 29, 2007)

thank you so much! i intend to speak at gary's services. i have been wondering just what i would say, there is so much about him i treasure but your poem puts it into just the right words.


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## minimomNC (Nov 29, 2007)

Dearest Charlene,

I have felt what you are feeling, I have done the sitting and waiting and watching the person that holds so much of your heart just breathe. I know the hardest thing to do was to tell him it was ok to go, we never want to do that but its what they need to hear the most. My heart just breaks for you because I have been there. Just know your in my heart and in my prayers and if you need to just talk, I'm here, if you need to cry, I will cry with you and if you need to laugh I can always come up with something stupid to say. Just please remember to take care of you too.

Karen


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## Charlene (Nov 29, 2007)

oh karen, i'm so sorry for your loss. bless you for sharing. gary is comfortable and that is what is most important to me. i'm just stopping in for a moment, had to bring the dogs back home and shut them in for the night. poor little maggie, she has been grieving and is so depressed. she knows gary is in nana's house but i have not brought her or simon in since gary has been unresponsive. i don't know if it would be the right thing to do. i believe she, especially, knows the end is near. they are so intuitive and it's so sad to see her this way. hopefully, she will bounce back.

i stayed up with gary last night and will most likely do the same tonight. i am exhausted but i so want to be with him and hold him when the time comes. i have always said, from my arms to God's arms is how i must have it.

i will report in when i can. thanks again to everyone! charlene


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## CyndiM (Nov 29, 2007)

Continued prayers and ((((HUGS))))


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## minimomNC (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene, I know all of our dogs loved Audie so much, but it seemed that when he was in a coma, they were afraid of him, he didn't respond to them and they didn't understand. I still have Audie's silky terrier, Dynamite, now going on 11, and he hasn't been the same since. He is friendly enough but he is very needy now. I know he misses his daddy alot and I just can't seem to make it up to him. Our other silky, Katie, is not as bad but she won't let anyone touch her but me and Samantha most of the time. My Crickett died exactly two weeks after Audie, very unexpected and very quickly. When Audie was in a nursing home, I took Crickett to visit with him, she wouldn't stay on his bed at all, she was great with the other patients but just seemed afraid of him. Dogs know when things are not right, but mine just couldn't seem to understand. Some days Dynamite is just sad.


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## Chpmnk1 (Nov 29, 2007)

Many continued prayers and thoughts for you Charlene and Gary. May he go peacefully with you by his side holding him. Exactly how I would want to go with my beloved there, My heart breaks for you.


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## qtrrae (Nov 29, 2007)

Charlene,

Lots of hugs and prayers for you and your family as you go through this difficult time.

Last week when my Father died we were all there with him - our pastor gave us a lot of comfort when he said, "Your last breath here on earth is your first breath in heaven."

As we laid Dad to rest next to Mom - there was the most gorgeous sunset, I know it was Dad's happiness being reunited with Mom and our son, Kerry.


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## Robin1 (Nov 30, 2007)

Dear Charlene,

Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. Please tell Gary that you REALLY want to be with him when he crosses. Many people do not want their loved ones around them and will wait to cross when they are alone.

Robin


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## Kathy2m (Nov 30, 2007)

Thinking of you all this morning, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, Kathy


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 30, 2007)

Thinking of you all and praying that you have a good day. (((hugs)))


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## sfmini (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene, Robin has an excellent point, I have heard of so many people who hang on and hang on and the second they are finally alone, they go.

Dogs do seem to know what is going on, even if the family member isn't home. While my mother was in the hospital her final month, Max, my Corgi and her heart dog always laid down next to her chair and slept in her spot in the bed. The day we came home after she died, Max came over to my Dad and laid down next to his chair and never returned to my Mom's. He also snuggled up to my Dad in bed at night, never again in my Mom's spot.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene, (((Hugs))) to you this morning. I can only imagine how hard this must be on you. If you need a shoulder, I'm here. Prayers continued. Corinne


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## Charlene (Nov 30, 2007)

things have changed a little from last night. we are seeing mottling, gary is in a coma-like state all the time now, he is feverish, his breathing is shallow. i am told this could go on for another day or two.

the only reason i am here is to give him a chance to leave this world on his own terms. i have told him this morning that i would like to be with him when he passes but i am not sure he wants me there. he's always been a proud man, maybe he wants to go when he is alone, to save me the agony of watching him die. it's so hard to know these things but i want to give him that chance.

he appears to be in no pain. we have found that if he lays propped up on his left side, he is much more comfortable so that is what we did last night. he has not moved an inch. we have been diligent about moving him, shifting his position every couple of hours to prevent pressure sores but at this point, we are no longer worried about that. nana and i and the hospice nurses agreed that since he is comfortable, we will leave him as he is.

i am trying very hard to come to terms with all of this. just when i think i am ready to let him go, i realize all over again how much i love him and how very much i will miss him. i have to keep reminding myself that he will soon be well, he will be at peace and that is what i want the most. i keep telling him i will be okay. i hope he believes me but he always could see right through me. how well i remember when we had to have our old husky put to sleep. i kept telling him i'm okay and he kept saying "no, you aren't." he knows me too well.

he will soon be with his two nephews, his dad, his grandparents, and he will soon meet my own father for the first time. i wish i could be there with him but i can't. some day.


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## SilverDollar (Nov 30, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you, Charlene. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I lost my dad to leukemia when I was 21 and that was the worst time in my whole life. It's so difficult watching a loved one make this journey. You'll have strength when you need it, whether it comes from within or from those who love you and surround you. Hugs and prayers to you all.

Rebecca

(I loved Mary's poem...beautiful.)


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## lvponies (Nov 30, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you for strength, with Gary for an easy passing and with his family and loved ones. May your memories of your time together bring you comfort after he's gone. Your forum family is here for you whenever you may need us.



{{{HUGS}}}


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## bfogg (Nov 30, 2007)

I cried reading this,

I wish i could fix him and you,I feel so helpless.

Hugs

Bonnie


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## anoki (Nov 30, 2007)

I cried reading that too!!! Bonnie already wrote my exact feelings.....I feel so helpless and wish there was something that I could do to make things better.....

huge huge (((((HUGS)))))

my heart just breaks for you....





~kathryn


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## Kathy2m (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene, I'll be thinking of you all this weekend, I've got the ADT to go to in Tampa in a few hours I'm going to take my laptop to try and keep updated on you and Gary if I have wifi in the motel. God Bless you and your family, Kathy


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## Barbie (Nov 30, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]I also cried reading this. I remember when my dad passed almost 7 years ago - he waited until my stepmom started for home to leave us and go to be with my mom, his parents and his brother. From what we were told, 10 minutes after Vicki left, he was gone. I'm thinking about you and Gary a lot - it's so sad, but soon he will be healthy again. Just remember, some day you will be together again.[/SIZE]

Barbie


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## Valerie (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene, so much of what you have described is how my mom went last year.......she had a stroke and then died 12 hours later, but gosh her heart was sooooooo strong, she held on until all of us kids could drive home (a couple of us had quite the drives) and then she passed on 12 hours later.

I also know that when Gary does move on to the other side, you can be sure he will give you signs from the other side. I know that my Dad and several of us kids have gotten signs from Mom from the other side.

There is nothing I can say to lessen the pain you are feeling, I know that I miss my mom daily and it's been over a year now, but it is nice to know that she died peacefully and with loving family around her.

I am truly hoping the same for your Gary. It sounds like he is not in any pain, I know that was our main concern as well.

Please know I am thinking of you daily and praying that Gary goes in peace and with all the love we can send with him.


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## Reble (Nov 30, 2007)

Oh Charlene, I thought of you a lot last night...


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## heart k ranch (Nov 30, 2007)

((((hugs))))))

I'm praying for you! I keep checking in to see how you are doing!


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## hhpminis (Nov 30, 2007)

Checking in to see how you are doing. Your last post really made the waterworks go.

Still in this time you are being so unselfish and caring for Garys feelings. You are an inspiration.

One thing that I am concerned about is that we have all told you what a strong person you are and so forth. Please dont think that you cannot come on here and show your weak side. It is OK, it is natural and we will be here to support you.

Hugs my dear Charlene


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## LaraP (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene and Family,

Everyday I wake up and the first thing I think of is you and Gary.. I don't think you know how much you and your Family have impacted so many lives.

We lost our 19 yr old son well it will be three years ago on Jan 16th. but the Lord reached down and just snatched him from us. He was killed pretty much instantly. I guess we never realized how truly fortunate we were. I used to wish that Joshua could have stayed with us longer, I remember telling David I would take him paralized in a hospital bed in the middle of my living room, its got to be better than one day he is just a fine healthy young man to being GONE.. You have shown David and I both, the way that the Lord took Joshua, spared us so much less hurt then what you are going thru now.

With all the crazyness in this world today the horrors that we see on TV, at times I just dont want to hear anymore. What more can the media tell us that would truly shock us anymore? I think we have seen and heard it all. Then there is YOU.. You are the bravest woman I think I have ever known. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all.

I will tell you I was routing so much for Gary.. I wanted so much for Gary to pull out of this and be just fine.

Gary is very fortunate to have found you! HE is one lucky man.

Sometimes at night when David is sleeping beside me, I look at him, watch him sleep, and think of you. I feel so lucky that David is healthy, and I am fortunate enough to still have him. Bless your heart Charlene. You have given ME courage.. for that I will always be grateful.

Thank you again.

Lara and David Pier


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## Charlene (Nov 30, 2007)

i am on my way back to nana's. i have washed and dried gary's favorite afghan and i will be sending it with him when the time comes.

hhp, i have a feeling that when all is said and done, my weak side will be exposed for all the world to see. right now, i have to be strong for gary, for nana, for the rest of gary's family. i am holding it together but when i fall apart, i know i can depend on all of you to pick up the pieces.

i can't thank you enough for your kind words, thoughts, prayers. i will update as time allows. love & hugs to you all! charlene







LaraP said:


> Charlene and Family,
> 
> Everyday I wake up and the first thing I think of is you and Gary.. I don't think you know how much you and your Family have impacted so many lives.
> 
> ...


lara, i think we were posting at the same time...i can't leave without telling you how sorry i am for the loss of your precious son. i cannot help but wonder and marvel at the way gary's dear mother is coping. i cannot imagine the pain of the loss of a child.

as i have said before, if my story does nothing other than make others realize the joy of having their spouse at their side, i have accomplished more than i could ask for. please, for gary and for me, love your spouse with a passion like no other. that, alone, will make gary's fight worthwhile!


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 30, 2007)

Oh Charlene my heart is absolutely breaking for you.

If tears brought miracles there's no doubt your Gary would be out of that bed, strapping on his tool belt, and asking you which project you want to work on next. Unfortunately, no matter how much we wish we could make him better, all we can really do is tell you how very much we care....about you, your pain and the fear I'm sure you face every minute of every day. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))


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## Brandi* (Nov 30, 2007)

Many thoughts of you and Gary today.

Sending love your way


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## Magic (Nov 30, 2007)

My heart is just breaking for you, watching your beloved husband lose this long fight for life. He definitely put up a good fight too, didn't he? He WILL be rewarded on the other side, and he will be watching over you then. Sending continued prayers for all of you.


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## LaraP (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene,

My love for David grows more and more, and when I think about what you and Gary and family are going thru I so appreciate him more. I thank God for him everyday. So know, Gary's fight and your courage has diffenently brought David and I that much closer. Tell Gary Thank you. I know Joshua watches over us, and he knows what we are doing. I sometimes wonder if when God comes and takes Gary by the hand, Joshua will be there to greet Gary as well..

Again, Charlene, I will never forget you or Gary and you just don't know how your love for each other has spread thru this forum. You need to tell your story to others as well.

We were lost when Joshua was taken from us. And still feel the emptyness of not hearing his voice, but it would have been too much to bear to watch him go slowly. So God was thinking of us when he took Joshua so quickly. I wonder how the parents of the kids we see on TV that are at the sides of there dying children at Saint Judes and other hospitals cope.

God Bless you and Gary, and I pray that when the time comes, you will be filled with inner peace and Gary will be taken softly on the wings of the angels.

Lara


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## dreammountainminis (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene,

Our hearts are breaking for you and as I have said before I am everyday loosing my dad a little bit do to parkinsons but I cherish every hour minute and second and day that we have left together ,I just pray when it comes to him passing on I will be as brave as you have been . I absolutely admire you ....I also put my imagination to work and made this for you ,,I hope you ,nana and family all like it.... With continued prayers for you , gary and family. Take care and god bless...


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## ChrystalPaths (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene, my heart just hurts reading your wonderful words of love for your Gary..would that a miracle could happen but we know his miracle awaits him on the other side. You say strong side..there is no weak or strong when it comes to love...it is just pure, unending and perfect. You both are so blessed to have lived that. My heart, prayers and light continue for you and for your beloved.


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## runamuk (Nov 30, 2007)

Dimimore said:


> Charlene, my heart just hurts reading your wonderful words of love for your Gary..would that a miracle could happen but we know his miracle awaits him on the other side. You say strong side..there is no weak or strong when it comes to love...it is just pure, unending and perfect. You both are so blessed to have lived that. My heart, prayers and light continue for you and for your beloved.


Debs says so eloquently what I want to say.................you are an inspiration...........it is all about the LOVE.......we are still keeping you in love an light at my house


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## Charlene (Nov 30, 2007)

GARY BRENT MEFFORD

born 9/25/46

died 11/30/07

gary passed peacefully at 7:50 p.m. i have agonized over whether or not he wanted me with him so i gave him several opportunities today to be "alone". this evening, i went to his side, pulled up my chair, laid my head on his pillow and went sound asleep. nana came in to check on us and found that he had passed. he waited till i was with him for sure but he waited until i was asleep so i would not have to see. he always did think of me first.

i will be back soon, just wanted you all to know there is another angel in heaven tonight and i bet he's already looking for a project to do.

thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. i could not have done this without you.

love to each and every single one of you! xoxoxo charlene


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## runaway ranch (Nov 30, 2007)

Wishing you both peace and eternal love.....I know I will be facing this myself soon, as Robert is failing. Your courage and love have been an inspiration.

Lisa


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## AppyLover2 (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene I'm so terribly, terribly sorry that Gary's long fight is over. I'm sure he must have been completely exhausted from it and it's now time for him to rest. Saying good-bye is the hardest thing we're ever asked to do, but when the battle has been so long and so hard knowing that the pain is over makes it bearable. My prayer is that God will continue to be with you, nana and the rest of the family as you face the days ahead. Gary is already at His side.

Edited to add

*When tomorrow starts without me,*

and I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise

and find your eyes

are filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry

the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things

we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,

as much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me,

I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,

please try to understand,

That an angel came

and called my name,

and took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,

in Heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind

all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,

a tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I'd always thought,

I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,

so much yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible

that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,

the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared,

and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,

just even for a while,

I'd say good-by and kiss you,

and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,

that this could never be,

For emptiness and memories,

would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,

I might miss come tomorrow

I thought of you, And when I did,

my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked

through Heaven's gates,

I felt so much at home.

Then God looked down

and smiled at me,

from His great golden throne.

He said "This is Eternity,

and all I've promised you,

Today your life on earth is past

but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,

today will always last,

And since each day's

always the same,

there's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,

so trusting and so true.

Though there were times

you did some things,

you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven,

and now at last you're free.

So won't you come

and take My hand,

and share My life with Me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,

don't think we're far apart.

For every time you think of me,

I'm right there, in your heart.

~Author Unknown~


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## hhpminis (Nov 30, 2007)

Somehow I knew when I saw you had posted that this is what you were going to say.

Dear Charlene, I am so sorry, yet I am glad you no longer have to watch your dear Gary linger on. Please know that you remain in my thoughts and prayers. You and Nana both.

Hugs and love to you


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## Brandi* (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene,

I am sorry for your loss but happy Garys fight is over and he is now in Heaven.

Lots of Love

Your forum friend

Brandi


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## StarRidgeAcres (Nov 30, 2007)

Charlene and Gary,

I pray you both are at peace.



Charlene, peace for you so you can go on and enjoy your life. Peace for Gary now that he is free of his physical body and pain.

Your love served as an inspiration for many and your ability to share your journey with us has made a difference.

Please take care,


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## anoki (Nov 30, 2007)

I am sooo sooo sorry Charlene.....but I am glad he is no longer suffering as I am sure you are too....

Thank you for sharing the journey with us....it has helped many of us...

((((hugs))))

and my deepest sympathies

~kathryn


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## AngieA (Nov 30, 2007)

Bless his heart...and God Bless you for being at his side with strength and grace thru it all...He will smile down on you and you will know it...Rest in peace Gary....


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## White Socks Miniature (Dec 1, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. May all the memories light a path during this time.

Take care

Masako


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## MountainMeadows (Dec 1, 2007)

Dearest Charlene,

I am so very sorry, peace be with you now - your love for Gary and his for you has been such an inspiration to so many of us. My prayers go out to you and Nana at this most difficult time.

You are surrounded by love, please let it comfort you, and know that we are here for you today and always,

Hugs (((( xoxoxo ))))))

Stacy


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## FoRebel (Dec 1, 2007)

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time... Maybe Gary and Marty's Michael can keep each other company up in Heaven! (((HUGS)))


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## shadowsmystictopaz (Dec 1, 2007)

I am so sorry when i read this i felt sickened because i had been thinking about him and you and I wanted thigs to go good tonight. I am sure that he is happy and is in heaven with our belooved father. in this time of need just tell us if you need anything we are here for you. I am sorry for your loss and i wanted to tell you that god loves you.


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## SilverDollar (Dec 1, 2007)

My sympathies are with you and your family, Charlene. May Gary rest in peace and may the love you shared comfort you in the days ahead. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## MiniforFaith (Dec 1, 2007)

I am so very sorry, and very sad to hear you lost your Gary. He wanted you there to the very end.. You are so blessed to have had a love like yours. He will always be with you. Wish I could do something to help ease the pain, but the only thing that will help it ease a little is at last he is at peace..



You have and will be in my thoughts and prayer.. I pray that you keep your strength for the up coming events.. Even if you don't think you are, you are a strong woman.. You just might need to dig a little deeper..May God bless Gary, and you!!


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## Robin1 (Dec 1, 2007)

Dear Charlene,

Words can not say how sorry I am that you lost Gary. I hope knowing that he is no longer suffering gives you some comfort at this time. His love for you will always be there.

Thinking of you and Nana.

Robin

I am adding my favorite poem, I carried it with me for years.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

I am the song that will never end.

I am the love of family and friend.

I am the child who has come to rest

In the arms of the Father who knows him best.

When you see the sunset fair,

I am the scented evening air.

I am the joy of a task well done.

I am the glow of the setting sun.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die!


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## Jill (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene --

Reading your posts has effected me deeply. I am so sorry Gary is gone, but happy he is now at peace. You and Gary have touched so many hearts and souls.

Jill


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## Barbie (Dec 1, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

I'm so sorry your Gary is gone, but he is certainly at peace now. There is one more angel in Heaven. You have been so fortunate to have this wonderful love in your life. He may not be there with you physically, but he will be in your heart and memories forever. Take care.

Barbie


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## carlenehorse (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene you and your family are in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

Carlene


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## qtrrae (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I am so very sorry -

Gary is now at peace and you are so right - there is another angel in heaven.

Just remember - "Those Who Live In The Lord Never See each Other For The Last Time"

Those words were my greatest comfort when we lost our son, may they help you in even some small way.

Hugs and Prayers for you and Nana.


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## lvponies (Dec 1, 2007)

I am so very sorry!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and his family.


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## Cimarron (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, Bless you. I so admire you strength and faith and your love for you husband. Your story has truly touched all of us. You and family are in my prayers and Gary is in the arms of Jesus. Love, Sheila

Also remember you have been strong for so long but it is okay to let your grief over take you and let it go. You deserve that if you need to. Then your strength will return. Hugs.


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## ChrystalPaths (Dec 1, 2007)

I had a feeling it would happen quickly after your last update. I am happy he is done with is fight and now has a new life, I told my dad, Casey, he was coming...he liked to putter also. My mom did the very same thing, lay her head on his pillow and at 3:36 am 12/16/03 he quietly left us.

I am broken hearted for your pain and huge sense of loss. We're here if gives any comfort. Ask for any little thing and it shall be yours. Warm loving hugs, Debs


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## Charlene (Dec 1, 2007)

there are just no words that are adequate..."thank you" seems not enough but that's all i have right now. thank you all from the bottom of my heart, for your love and prayers.

i slept with gary's pillow last night. i woke off and on all night and each time, i smelled the sweetness that was him. i think i am numb at this point, glad he is with God but so sad that he is, physically, no longer with me. i have to be content that he is in a much better place and i know he is watching over me as he promised me he would do. i'm sure i will have signs of this very soon, when gary gets settled in heaven and can find time to visit me.







so much to do today. we are in the midst of what is shaping up to be a pretty nasty ice storm but i must go select flowers and meet with the funeral director this afternoon.

i will put a link up later to the funeral home and i would love it if you all would like to leave a message there. i want gary's family to know how much love and support i have had from my forum family!

love & hugs to you all! charlene


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## River1018 (Dec 1, 2007)

I am so very sorry *((((HUGS)))) *


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## Suzie (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I believe our loved ones never leave us, they just take a different form to be with us always. As someone who has lost my husband also, I can tell you that even years later he seems to be with me every day. God will heal your heart and give you comfort. My prayers and hugs are with you.


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## _minihorses4ever_ (Dec 1, 2007)

I hope you realize how deeply saddened I was to read this.. But I know he is now free from pain, and is getting to know all the other angels up there..

Bless you!! I hope you remain strong through the grieving process, knowing Gary is still right there with you.


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## bcody (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I am so sorry. I wish I knew more to say. You and Gary had such an amazing relationship, and you are so brave. Your love for each other will always be there and always be strong.

God bless you.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, I am so very sorry for your loss. God received a very special angel. You have so many very precious and special memories of Gary, and I am so sure once Gary is all settled in Gods home, he will keep you on your toes with all the special signs that he loves you and is still with you in his own way. You will never know what a insperation you have been to so many of us for opening up your life with Gray for all of us, it truly takes someone very special with so much love in there heart to do that. I only hope if I am ever face with this, I will be half as strong as you have been. Gary is the same age as my Bob, who I have been married to for 37 years. (((hugs))) Corinne


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## Magic (Dec 1, 2007)

I'm so very sorry, Charlene.


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## Georgine (Dec 1, 2007)

It's hard to find the words to convey my thoughts.

I have felt the "numbness" and had the strange dreams when I eventually slept.

You are an inspiration, and having the link so we can send condolences will be a wonderful support for Gary's family.

Somehow, knowing that so many people care makes mourning our less a little easier.


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## Basketmiss (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I am crying here after hearing Gary has passed.. I am glad he is pain free but I know how hard it is for you left here without him... Bless your heart and I hope you can get thru the next few hard days ok...

Let us know if you need anything..

Your forum friends care for you so much..

Missy


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## Sunny (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, you truly have been an inspiration to us all and have set an example we all wish we can follow. May God ease your pain and give you comfort now, knowing that your dear Gary is in His loving arms. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family, and special prayers to Nana.


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## Reble (Dec 1, 2007)

Oh my dear Charlene, I just read this now, so so sorry, I know this will not be easy even thou you knew it was meant to be, you will still go through all the grieving process, sad, angry and you will never be able to answer the question why him lord, why him, but remember to look after yourself, try to eat, and keep your friends and family close. I am giving you a big big (((((hug))))) and will be thinking of you until you do not need me any more.

Now it is Gary's time to watch over you and his spirit help you through this...








Peace be with you at this time


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## FFFoxyGal (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,.....You probably dont know me,......I dont remember you either,....but,.....I do love you,....

I am sooooo very sorry,.........I scrolled through all of your posts and You and Gary shared something VERY special,......Hang on to the memories and know that Gary isnt suffering any longer,...He is looking down on you from heaven,.....every time the wind blows,..It will be Gary softly kissing your cheek,....

The gang on here will ALWAYS be here for you,..I only know this to well.

Love you and big hugs,.....your friend Terri


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## Marylou (Dec 1, 2007)

So very sorry! God bless you and the family. ((((hugs))))


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## dreammountainminis (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I am so so sorry for your loss of gary , i think my last post may have came at a bad time also and I am sorry ...I have followed your story from the begining and had prayed so hard like others that there would be a miracle. But please let it bring you peace now knowing he is in the arms of the lord and is not hurting anymore. My heart just breaks for you if you need to talk pm me .I have strong shoulders ....And always remember your love is unconditional as gary's is ..May god also wrap his arms around you in your time of need.....Take care


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## JumpinJackFarm (Dec 1, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]May knowing you're in the hearts and thoughts of others, help you and your family through this time of sadness. I am so sorry Charlene. Hugs ~ Teri
[/SIZE]


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## Miniv (Dec 1, 2007)

Blessings be with you and the family, Charlene.........


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## backwoodsnanny (Dec 1, 2007)

Dear Charlene

Though most of us are strangers here your story and that of Garys courageous battle have touched us all in ways we may not always tell you. It has made such a difference for so many of us as I have said before when it is my time to face this I would only hope I can do it with the grace and wisdom that you have shown through your posts. Gary's work is done now and he is finally getting the rewards he has earned in heaven. Your work is just beginning but this experience has given you the tools to be able to move on with Gary's memories in your heart and his watchful eye making sure you are doing it right.

My prayers are for you now to find the strength to travel this physical world until you meet again and what a wonderful reunion it will be when your work is also done. I too was one of those hoping for a miracle but it was not to be and for that I am sooo sorry.

You have made such a difference to all of us who have followed your story and Gary's story has also helped so many who are just starting on this journey. Peace be with you and for Gary may everything be level in heaven.

Nita


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## LaraP (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I think we all knew it was just a matter of time and when God was ready to take Gary home. I don't know if I am relived now that Gary is with God, or sad for the great loss!!

Now you and Nana are going to be busy arranging the endless (seems like) task of flowers, pictures and ALL that goes with burying a love one. I know my mind was so occupied with making sure I had done everything I needed to do for Joshua. Then, after it was all over, I could feel the sadness creep in. The shock became realility.

I just want you to know, that we all here for you, this is when I think you will need your forum family the most. I sure did.

I even felt some anger set in, everyone returned to "business as usual" and I felt abandoned. I know you have alot of folks here for you. But if you ever need to talk please don't hesitate.

We will be thinking of you and your family.

Lara and David


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## Equuisize (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene and family,

It is so very difficult to part with those we love under any circumstances.

For Gary, he is now free of his pain and can rest easy.

You and the family now need to start your journey without him.

You'll find ways to get through periods of time always hoping the coming times will be easier.

Somehow, we do manage to fill the void left by the one we loved so much.

Time does ease... but always there are those times when that isn't enough.

There seems to be so little that others can say or do at times like this.

Knowing that we care, hopefully, will make it somewhat easier.


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## MInx (Dec 1, 2007)

*




There's nothing more I can say, I have no wisdom, just my love and heartfelt condolences for you. I know this time in the next few days will be busy followed by the reality..I"m so so sorry for you both.*

Just remember we are all still here and not going anywhere.

Maxine


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## CritterCountry (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, I am saddened to hear of this but glad to know he is free from pain. Thank you for including us in your journey, I can't say I know what it is like to be there going through it, but feel as though we have travelled this road with you these last weeks.

((hugs))


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## Sterling (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, I am so terribly sorry for your loss and deeply saddened to hear of Gary's passing. I have read your posts often and kept Gary, you and your family in my prayers. My heart breaks for you, I wish there was something that I could say to ease your pain at this time. God bless you and your family.


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## Charlene (Dec 1, 2007)

i am just at a loss for words, i can't find the words to express my deepest gratitude to all of you. this has been and will continue to be a journey i never wanted to take but, take it i must and i only wish you could all know how much your thoughts and prayers have meant to me. i find such comfort just coming here and reading.

there is lots of sadness, yes, but absolutely no regrets as to how gary and i lived our 11 years together.





if things weren't level in heaven before gary got there, there are now!!!






i will post the link to the funeral home and if anyone would like to leave a message, i will make sure all of gary's family sees every single one...

http://www.airsman-hires.com/coonrod/

i am finally alone with my thoughts and my grief for a little while. my son just left to go back to the city, he will return later this evening with his lovely girlfriend. nana is with family up at her house, i am home in the quiet, just me and the dogs for now. i feel like i need this time alone, i have been so overwhelmed the past few weeks.

i must say, gary's family was so very understanding last night, leaving me alone with him so i could say my goodbye in private. if i were to pick a perfect scenario for him to slip his earthly bonds, last night was it. i am so comforted to know he "left" me on his terms but i am also sure he wanted me to be there with him when God called him home. it was all perfect.

i am so tired today, i think i'll see if i can nap for a bit before i am called to the funeral home. thanks again to my forum family and i consider you all just that...FAMILY!!! charlene


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## River1018 (Dec 1, 2007)

*((((HUGS))))* to you and to your entire family


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## Valerie (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

Bless your heart, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and Nana right now.

Heaven has gotten another special Angel and I am so happy that Gary is at peace.


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## Chpmnk1 (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

my deepest, deepest sympathies for you. Words just can't suffice. Please know we all think of you and are here when you need us. may Gary be in peace

Lisa B


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## The Simple Life Farm (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I am heart broken with the news that Gary lost his battle. I agree, he left this world in the perfect way, with you by his side.

When my mother was in the hospital for the last time, the nurses said she would pass when she knew the time was right. She was *never* alone for 5 days, and the first time she was, she passed.

I pray that you find the strenghth to carry on, but please allow yourself time to grieve. Your forum family will be here for you, always. At a time like this, there is not much that people can actually do for you except to give you a shoulder to lean on. Please allow us to do that for you now, and in the coming months, probably when you will need it the most.

You have touched so many us in your journey, thank you for allowing us the privledge of being part of your family, and in your heart.

God Bless you in the path that now awaits you.

Kelly

PS. Gary will know when he meets my Italian family, they will be the ones shoving food at him all the time!!! So, he will be heavier in weight when you see him again.


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## RJRMINIS (Dec 1, 2007)

*Oh Charlene,*

*I am so very sorry!



You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. *

*{{{HUGS}}}*


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## Charlene (Dec 1, 2007)

i hope you all know just how much this all means to me. it's so hard to put it into words! i can't help but cry when i read responses to this thread but they are tears of relief and tears of thanks, if that makes any sense.

services will be on tuesday. from 9 a.m. to 10:30 a.m., we will have visitation. immediately following visitation, we will proceed to the cemetery for graveside services.

picture in your mind our 20 acres out in the middle of nowhere. there is a winding, little traveled, country road that passes right by our place. just past our farm is a little tiny country church. the church is the only building in the little tiny village of bloomfield. bloomfield is so small, it has no zip code. turn right at the church and you go up a steep hill. at the top of the hill, to the right, is the little cemetery where gary will be laid to rest. this cemetery is so tiny, it survives on the donations of the families who have loved ones buried there. we just recently got a new sign at the entrance to replace the old rickety wooden one that never got painted. the new one is even lit at night and is lovely.

we will pass by our farm on our way to the cemetery. there are other, probably easier ways to get there but i want gary to be able to pass by his beloved farm one more time. he so loved this place and his love is apparent. everywhere i look, there are things he built, things he improved upon. so many times, i came home from work to a delighted "hey babe, can you see what i did today??" i would look around and most times, i could spot it right away. he always told me "i'm beautifying the company area!"

i have chosen gary's favorite pair of flannel lounge pants for him along with a matching shirt and his house slippers. that's what he lived in for the past almost-two years. i have a little stuffed pinto pony i will send with him. a couple of years ago, a friend sent me an adorable stuffed corgi. i will send the little guy with gary. he SO loved the lollipop kids and i think he would like something "corgi" to snuggle with as he always did with maggie and simon.

gary had been saving a gold dollar coin. i'm not sure why but it's been in a little tray on his dresser for years. i will put that in his pocket along with a few photographs of us together. last but not least (if you knew gary, you would see the understatement there!), i will include a hershey bar tucked beneath his hands. that man so loved his chocolate! along with the hershey bar, he will hold a single red rose, a testament to my deep love for him.

God, i miss him so much.


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## hhpminis (Dec 1, 2007)

It sounds lovely Charlene. I will be there in spirit with you. You have thought of everything.


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## Barbie (Dec 1, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

You have me crying lots of tears for you and Gary. What a beautiful way you have with words - it is very apparent the great love you and Gary shared. The coming days will be difficult to say the least, but you will get through them. Wish I lived closer as I'd certainly be there to give you a big hug. His final resting place sounds really nice and I'm sure that last trip past your farm will mean a lot.

Stay strong and God Bless!!!!

Barbie


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## maplegum (Dec 1, 2007)

Oh Charlene, I am struggling to find the words to express my sorrow for all of you.

We are all her for you and we all care for you deeply.





xox Leonie xox


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## anoki (Dec 1, 2007)

Yep....tears are flowing here too...just spilled my coffee in my lap because my eyes were all misty OH!

That sounds just wonderful Charlene!!!

You will continue to be in my thoughts, and I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.....take care

~kathryn


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## ChrystalPaths (Dec 1, 2007)

Oh my, your tribute to him, your preparations for him are all so perfect...so personal...so full of love and life. When you meet again...oh what a wonderful time you will have dancing in heaven together.


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## Brandi* (Dec 1, 2007)

The whole event will be beautiful and full of so much love.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Dec 1, 2007)

Oh gosh Charlene, now I am in tears again, everything you say and do for Gary reflects all the love you two shared. I am so sure he is looking down and smiling upon you as his shining star on earth ...as he is your shining star when you look up to the heavens. (((hugs))) The cemetery you describe sounds so much like where both my parents are, just a tiny little county cemetery, but with beauty surrounding it everywhere. Corinne


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## HobbsFarm (Dec 1, 2007)

[SIZE=14pt]Charlene,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Again, I want to say that you are a woman of strength. I thought the sentiments of what you sent with Gary were perfect and very thoughtful.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Huge hugs and prayers are coming your way...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Shannon




[/SIZE]


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## twister (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene, So sorry to hear of your loss. The love you and Gary shared was very special, it was an inspiration to all of us. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. May God Bless you and all the family.

<<<HUGS>>> Yvonne


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## MInx (Dec 1, 2007)

*FOR CHARLENE AND GARY*

GARY'S DASH

*I read of a woman who stood to speak*

at the funeral of her husband,

she referred to the dates on the tombstone

from the beginning ...to the end

She noted that first came his date of birth

and spoke of that sate with tears

but she said what mattered most of all

was the dash between the years.

For that dash represents all the time

that he spent alive on this earth

And now only those who loved him

know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,

the car, the house...the cash,

what matters is how we lived and loved

and how we spent our dash!

I didnt write this , someone else did but I read it at my mama's funeral..

Maxine[/b]


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## Reble (Dec 1, 2007)

Just could not stop thinking of you Charlene





I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today,

to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way.

God's love is always with you, God's promises are true.

And when you give God all your cares, you know God will see you through.


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## Connie P (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene,

I am so very sorry for your loss of Gary. He is at peace now and free of physical pain. You are a woman of great strength and I admire your courage throughout this journey. Big Hugs to you and your family.


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## drivin*me*buggy (Dec 1, 2007)

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and the family during this time. God bless you- he has you know- it sounds like you and Gary shared a special love.

Angie


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## bluetaterbaby (Dec 1, 2007)

Charlene and family,

My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but we all know that now he's in the very presence of God without all the pain and suffering. You are such an inspiration to all of us and we love you. We're all here for you when you need to talk. We appreciate you sharing so much of your lives and love for each other with us. I think we've all learned something. Please let us know if we can help you in any way.

God bless,

Joan


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## Marty (Dec 1, 2007)

Dear Charlene,

What you and Gary shared is the most beautiful love story.

I'm so sorry it had to end.

I have no words of wisdom to share with you except that I hope you can find peace as Gary has found his.

Much Love

Marty


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## Crabby-Chicken (Dec 1, 2007)

Oh Charlene,,,

I am glad he is not longer uncomfortable. He is probably just as worried about you as you are him. Love cannot stop, just because our bodies can't keep up with it. You did all the right things. I am sorry for your loss.


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## Marnie (Dec 1, 2007)

I'm so sorry Charlene, it sounds like you and your husband had a very special bond. I'm so sorry it had to end like this, bless you and your family in this time of sorrow.


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 2, 2007)

It sounds like it will be an absolutely beautiful ceremony for a beautiful man, Charlene.


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## runamuk (Dec 2, 2007)

This is a favorite of mine, was my great grandmothers favorite and I still have the copy I recieved as a very young girl at her memorial.

*"Crossing the Bar" *

Sunset and evening star

And one clear call for me!

And may there be no moaning of the bar,

When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,

Too full for sound and foam,

When that which drew from out the boundless deep

Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,

And after that the dark!

And may there be no sadness of farewell,

When I embark;

For though from out our bourne of Time and Place

The flood may bear me far,

I hope to see my Pilot face to face

When I have crossed the bar.


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## Charlene (Dec 2, 2007)

runamuk, that's beautiful! there are so many verses i have had sent to me, each of them is special. they all bring me comfort and make me cry, at the same time.

i spent my first night at home in just over 3 weeks last night. i avoided going to bed until after midnight. i kept walking by that big empty bed wondering what it would feel like not to have gary lying next to me. sleep did not come easy but eventually, i couldn't keep my eyes open. i woke at 4:30 a.m. with so much on my mind but my first thoughts were of gary and how much i miss him.

we have lots to do today, gary sis-in-law and i will get together and create a big picture board for his services. the DVD was delivered to me last night. cheri and i will view it today. i can't wait to see it, i am prepared with 3 boxes of kleenex on our coffee table. i know this will be painful but also uplifting.

while making final arrangements yesterday, the funeral director asked if i wanted to see gary before the coffin is closed. cheri, gary's sis-in-law has told me that his brothers do not want to view him. i can understand that. gary had lost so much weight and looked so sick and gaunt but i cannot remember when he looked any other way. i said yes, i want to be able to kiss him one more time and tell him how much i love him. i asked nana last night and she did not hesitate. she, too, wants to say her final goodbye to him. we will go at 8:30 tuesday morning and have our private time with him prior to services.

something very strange and powerful happened yesterday. our 2 corgis did not wander up to nana's house. not one single time yesterday or last night did they come up the lane to lay on her deck just outside the kitchen door. they have, every single night for 2 weeks, kept a vigil there. they just seem to know that gary is no longer here with us, physically. maggie, especially, is depressed. she was gary's dog, through and through. i have been so worried about her and how she will react to all of this. i do so hope she will bounce back. i would be so happy to see her play again.

coffee...i need coffee! xoxoxo charlene


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## AppyLover2 (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene I'm sure that empty bed was a difficult thing to face but I'm glad to hear you're getting some "alone" time right now. Having people near when you're going through a tragedy is priceless but I find that my alone time is when I actually come to grips with reality. It's also the time when you no longer have to be strong for others and can do whatever it takes to get you through it. I'm sure Maggie knows what's happened and just needs her time to grieve too. Please take care of you now. There are more hard days ahead. My prayers continue for you and those who love him.


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## Jill (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene --

Your posts always bring tears but also so much admiration for your strength and your insight. Your dogs, I am sure they know. Dogs have the ability to "know" things without hearing the words.

Jill


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## Kathy2m (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene,

I'm so sorry, you and the family are in my thoughts. The cemetery sounds beautiful.

When I read about the hersey bar I cried.

We put a Butterfinger bar in with my Dad, he always had one hidden from my mom so he could eat the whole thing and a picture my 5 year old (at that time) had drawn for his Pop-Pop.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Kathy


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## bluetaterbaby (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene,

It's so good to hear from you. All our hearts and prayers are with you. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. You and Gary are definitely joined at the heart. Thank God, you will be together again. Gary is no longer prisoner in a painful body. He's up there rejoicing and most likely telling folks in Heaven about his wonderful wife. You are an incredible lady and all of us have been touched by you.

It's amazing how animals just know what's going on. They, too, grieve over loss. Ms Bonnie Fogg is fantastic with animal communication if you need help. We are all so blessed by this dear lady.

Always remember that you have a forum family that loves you!





God bless,

Joan


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## ChrystalPaths (Dec 2, 2007)

You're never alone, he lingers near yet just to be sure you'll be ok. He'll go along and get busy in heaven soon and even then he'll leave that wee bit of his heart inside of yours so you'll never feel all alone until you walk into each others arms again.


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## Danielle_E. (Dec 2, 2007)

Our deepest sympathies from the Emond Family.


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 2, 2007)

I've been thinking of your fur-kids, too, Charlene, and worrying for them. You all have each other. Just take it one hour at a time.

Thinking of you.


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## hhpminis (Dec 2, 2007)

I was hoping that you would have gotten a decent nights sleep. It will come in time. The next week is going to be a long one for you and I hope you will take a bit of time for yourself and eat, rest, and find just a bit of time to let down and relax.

Just a suggestion but maybe you could take something to encourage a restful sleep? Sometimes taking a little benadryl at night will help. Perhaps put a call into your doctor, they usually will help in cases like this with some sort of sleep aid. Or take your dogs to bed with you. I am sure they could use a cuddle too.

I am so sad that 2 of our forum family are going through this. Your family and Lisa's family remain in my thoughts and prayers.


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## anoki (Dec 2, 2007)

Thank you for keeping us posted now after the fact.....we all want to know how things are going with you, your family, Gary's family, and of course the fur kids!!!!

I have kept them in my thoughts through all of this too....I know they react to these situations the same as people....but soo many times they are forgotten about in our grief. They too will come around...but it is sad to see them depressed and not know how to help them....

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## maplegum (Dec 2, 2007)

My thoughts continue to be with you. I can only imagine how hard that would have been spending your 1st night in the bed alone.






Hang on to those memories, they will warm your heart.





Give those animals a big hug, they are a good shoulder to cry on.

xox Leonie xox


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## Connie Ballard (Dec 2, 2007)

Your journey has so touched us all. The treasures you will keep in your heart are priceless. God Bless you and the blessings you had with that special man.

Peace be with you and all your family and friends.

Connie


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## MBhorses (Dec 2, 2007)

praying for you and your family. Our hearts goes out to you and your family. It sounds like you were a match made from Heaven. Your husband is looking over you now and always.

take care,


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## Lil' Horse Lover (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene,

I just got caught up on reading your posts, I'm SO sorry to hear what you and the family is going through! I'm praying for you and your family! Its good to know that Gary is now in Heaven, he's in a much better place. And remember that God has a perfect plan and that you may not be able to see the good that has come from all of this but God knows, all you have to do is trust Him. And I know its a lot easier said than done, don't ever forget that we are all here for you and most importantly God is. I pray that God will bring you peace and that you will find joy in remembering all of the good times that you and Gary have shared together.









GOD BLESS!!!!

"Don't worry about the past...because our Redeemer has already taken care of it. Don't worry about today...because today will soon be over. And, don't worry about tomorrow... because the Lord is already there."


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## LindaL (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene, I am so sorry for your loss...I hope you will find peace in knowing he is no longer in pain, but his love for you remains forever. ((((HUGs))))


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## Charlene (Dec 2, 2007)

i have been gathering up a few small things to send with gary. one of his nephew's daughters, just 12 years old, wrote the most beautiful tribute to gary when he was in the hospital and i think it's only fitting that he should take this treasure with him. little sami has not been to see us since gary's death. she just can't bring herself to visit. i feel so bad for this child...remember when i told you gary "saw joey"? (joey is gary's deceased nephew and the father of this little girl). sami was only 3 when joey died, she is such a sensitive little girl and gary's death has hit her very hard.

i'm getting ready to snuggle with a couple of corgis on the couch. i'm sooo tired and i know there will be lots of people out to see us tomorrow. we still have a few things to get ready for tuesday's services so tomorrow will be a busy day.

to all who have left messages in gary's memory book, i thank you so much! the funeral director is e-mailing them to me, i am printing them as they come in and will put them in a binder to be displayed with gary's pictures. i am also printing the lovely collages you have so graciously made for me and i will include them also.

so much love going around here!





i can't help but wonder how lisa and robert are doing tonight. i think of them so many times during the day.


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## Mona (Dec 2, 2007)

Oh no, Charlene, I am so very sorry. I am just now getting "caught up" on your thread, and I am so sorry. Gary sounds like a very wonderful, thoughtful man, and you two were both very fortunate to have shared the past 11 years of your lives together. Sending thoughts and prayers of comfort. You are a very strong woman. (((((HUGS)))))


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## Marty (Dec 2, 2007)

Just wanted to let you know I'm out here and thinking of you all the time.

I know this is so hard. I'm sorry sorry sorry.


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## iluvwalkers (Dec 2, 2007)

*[SIZE=12pt]thinking of you often, Nikki[/SIZE]*


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## Reble (Dec 2, 2007)

Charlene, I am heading to bed, & asking God to be with you tonight and



you get some rest. Remember those Corgis are feeling what you are feeling. They know you are hurting.


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## dreammountainminis (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene ,

Thinking of you and praying that you can get some rest tonight I know it is an exhausting process ..I hope you ,nana and all family are doing okay ...We are still here when you need to talk and give those fur babies all Xtra love from us ............Hugs ...


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## Charlene (Dec 3, 2007)

thanks all! marty, knowing how hard the holiday season has to be for you, i am so touched that you are thinking of us. i think about you and michael often. did michael like to do stuff with his hands? did he like to build? i know he's been in heaven for a while but if he likes that sort of thing, he now has the BEST teacher he could possibly have. gary loved kids. he loved nothing better than to take a young person and show them how to build something. i wonder what sort of project he has michael doing.





i put fresh flannel sheets on our bed yesterday. i sprayed gary's pillow with a little of his stetson cologne and when i went to bed last night, it felt almost as if he was there for real.

so much to do today to get ready for gary's services tomorrow. i'll probably be scarce but will check in when i can. i need to get our "Christmas story" leg lamp out today. for several years, we haven't put up a tree. we bought one of those silly leg lamps and that's what we put in our living room instead of the usual Christmas tree. we SO loved watching and laughing hysterically at that silly movie!

thank you again for your kind thoughts and prayers. charlene xoxoxo


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## Connie P (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene - you and your family continue to be in our prayers. Big Hugs to you. I'm sure you will have the most beautiful service for Gary and he will be looking down so proud. The physical Gary may be gone, but the spiritual Gary will live on in your heart forever.

Please know that we are all out here still holding you close during this most difficult time.

Bless you.


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## Sunny (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene, you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Even during the night, I wake up thinking of you.

We're all here for you during this very sad and busy time, but I have no doubt we'll all still be here for you when other people's lives get back to normal. You've touched us, your Forum family, in a way no one else has, and we'll continue to offer our support for as long as you'll need it.


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## Davie (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene, Praise GOD for Gary's passing, know that he is at peace now and watching over you. Peace and comfort to you dear Forum Friend as you go through the next days, weeks, and time without your soul mate. You have given us all inspiration and insight into the love you and Gary shared. Prayers and peace coming your way.

Friday evening I was feeling uneasy and thinking of the days events and of you and Gary. I stepped out the door and stood on the porch looking into the heavens over the pasture and just gave a big sigh and talked with GOD for a few moments asking him to continue to watch over you. As I looked up a shooting star went across the early evening sky so bright with a beautiful tail streaming behind and such peace came over me. I do believe that bright shooting star was your beloved Gary on his way to his heavenly home.

Here is a little poem for you

To Those I Love And Those Who Loved Me

When I am gone, release me let me go...

I have so many things to see and do.

You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears;

Be happy that we had these precious years.

I gave to you my love, you can only guess

How much you have gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each have shown,

But now its time I traveled alone.

So grieve a while for me if grieve you must,

Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It's only for a while that we must part,

So bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away, for life goes on'

So if you need me, call me and I will come.

Though you can't see me or touch me, we'll be near

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear,

All of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and say "Welcome Home".

~Unknow~


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## Charlene (Dec 3, 2007)

oh davie, what a BEAUTIFUL poem!!!

your shooting star just HAD to be my gary winging his way to heaven! the visual i get from your description...there are no words to describe it. it brings me such comfort, thank you for sharing that with me!

i am heading to the city for last minute things. i have run out of marshmallows and my horses are not a bit happy about that! thank you all again for your words of comfort, i wish you could know how truly blessed i feel having my forum family at my side. i will be thinking of you all tomorrow as i know you will be thinking of me.

xoxo charlene


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## ClickMini (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene, my heart is breaking for you. Sending hugs and love from Finch Meadow Farm.


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## tnovak (Dec 3, 2007)

I'm sooo very sorry-saying prayers for you and your family, and sending big hugs.


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## The Simple Life Farm (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene,

I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you face your journey. Please allow yourself to grieve, you don't always have to be strong. I know facing your deep inner feelings is scary, but allow yourself to do it. May God bless you and Gary's family. They and Gary are blessed to have you.

Love on the furry kids, they can bring you comfort.

Kelly


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## Reble (Dec 3, 2007)

Sorry, I can not be there tomorrow for you, but thinking of you (((((((HUGS)))))))


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## Charlene (Dec 3, 2007)

i'm just popping in to say thank you again for all of your prayers, thoughts and good wishes. i'm as ready as i'll ever be for tomorrow. a few short years ago, i could never have imagined that i would be saying a final goodbye to the man who, for 11 years, has meant more to me than life itself. i can't help but think about lisa and what she is feeling right now as robert seems to be failing. there will be no miracles for my gary but i will continue to pray for one for robert.

to all of you who have left messages in gary's memory book, from the bottom of my heart, i thank you. each and every one has been wonderfully sweet. the funeral director has been e-mailing them all to me, i have printed each one out and will pass them all around tomorrow for gary's family to read. between my LB family and my family at the aquarium forum, there have been well over 50 messages.

my biggest regret is that you could not have known gary personally. never have i met a more caring, compassionate, lovable person. i was so blessed to be loved by him. i will treasure my memories till the day i join him in heaven.

xoxo charlene


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## Frankie (Dec 3, 2007)

You have been so in my thoughts and prayers. Know we are all there for you.

Thank you again for sharing your story.


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## AppyLover2 (Dec 3, 2007)

Charlene please try to get some rest tonight....tomorrow will be a long and difficult day. My thoughts will be with you all. ((((((HUGS))))))


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## Leeana (Dec 3, 2007)

Its taken me this long to find the right words, and they still have not come to me.

I am so sorry for your loss and my thoughts will continue to be with you.

I am sure Gary will be missed





{{{LOVE}}}


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 4, 2007)

Thinking of you and your day tomorrow before I head off to bed for the night. You will be in my prayers.

God Bless.


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## CyndiM (Dec 4, 2007)

Charlene I am so sorry for your loss.

God needed a special Angel and he knew Gary was that one.


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## alongman (Dec 4, 2007)

Charlene said:


> my biggest regret is that you could not have known gary personally. never have i met a more caring, compassionate, lovable person.


Charlene -

We didn't need to see him physically to know what kind of person Gary was. From many, many miles away I could tell that he was a genuine person who loved life, loved his family, loved you and was happy with just those things in life - the rest was frosting on his cake.

I've never met you personally, but thank you for taking me along on this journey with you - it's amazing how precious life is when you realize how quickly it can change. You have inspired many people and are probably one of the strongest woman I have ever had the privelege of hearing.

My thoughts and prayers with you as you continue this "different" chapter in your life. Please know that ANY of us are no more than a midnight posting away (yes, some of us do post at 253 in the morning....lol).

Adam


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## Barbie (Dec 4, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

Just wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you today as Gary takes his final trip past your farm. I know it is going to be a difficult day for you, Nana and the rest of the family and friends. Take care - it will be hard, but try to remember the good times. It sure seems like you and Gary had a lot of those.

Barbie


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## anoki (Dec 4, 2007)

Thinking about you already this morning Charlene....

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Charlene (Dec 4, 2007)

Barbie said:


> [SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]
> 
> Just wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you today as Gary takes his final trip past your farm. I know it is going to be a difficult day for you, Nana and the rest of the family and friends. Take care - it will be hard, but try to remember the good times. It sure seems like you and Gary had a lot of those.
> 
> Barbie


oh barbie, we had 11 years of good times! i'm not even sure "good" describes my life with gary. it was more like GREAT. we never so much as looked cross eyed at each other and in all that time, there was not a single argument or a hurt feeling. i know i have to be content with only my memories now and i wonder if i will ever be able to come to grips with this loss.

i drove up to the cemetery last night and shined my headlights at gary's final resting spot. his brothers chose a place on the hillside and he will be nestled among the pine trees and not far from the pasture where cows peacefully graze. there are a couple of bluebird nest boxes not far from gary's spot. they need some work and i will busy myself next spring getting them ready for nesting season. gary will love having his beloved bluebirds near!


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## AppyLover2 (Dec 4, 2007)

I know exactly the kind of cemetery you're talking about. When I was in grade school I used to walk past one exactly like it (except for the bluebird boxes). It was also on a country hillside with cattle grazing near by and a lovely view. I remember walking through it often, paying my respects and enjoying the peace and tranquility. I always thought that when my time came that's where I wanted my final resting place to be.

My thoughts are with you this morning and will be throughout the day.


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## Kathy2m (Dec 4, 2007)

Thinking about you today, God Bless, {{{{{HUGS}}}}} Kathy


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## appymini (Dec 4, 2007)

So sorry to hear he has passed on.But he is in peace now. I will be thinking of you today.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Dec 4, 2007)

Charlene, I woke up this morning thinking about you, Nana, and Garys family. I know this is going to be a very hard day for all of you, but please remember Gary is watching down on you and will help all of you through it. (((HUGS))) my friend, and take care. Corinne


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## Sunny (Dec 4, 2007)

Charlene, you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, today especially. I'm sure you'll feel all of us holding you up in prayer and offering whatever strength and support we can.

Like Davie, I do believe that shooting star was Gary on his way Home. My mother passed away six years ago on Nov. 3, and two days later her body was cremated. Later that evening, there was a display of the Northern Lights here in southern Ontario unlike anything that had been seen in many years this far south. My brother phoned me to tell me to go outside and look, and we shared several minutes in total awe of God's wonderful work, and truly believing that our Mom (ever the drama queen



) was okay in her new Home.

Bless your heart, Charlene.


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## heart k ranch (Dec 4, 2007)

Thinking of you!!!!

Kara


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## Marylou (Dec 4, 2007)

((((hugs))))


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## Reble (Dec 4, 2007)

Charlene, thinking of you


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## anoki (Dec 4, 2007)

I've been thinking about you all day Charlene.....

Hope you are able to get some rest tonight

Take care






~kathryn


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## Brandi* (Dec 4, 2007)

Thoughts of you and your family Charlene! I hope today was filled with much love and fond memories


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## Shawntelle (Dec 5, 2007)

My thoughts are with you and you family


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## ChrystalPaths (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi Charlene, I am thinking of you today. Life is too quiet and you're feeling so sad and alone, this is almost the hardest time and I just wanted you to know you're still thought of and prayed for.


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## anoki (Dec 5, 2007)

Hope things are going ok for you today Charlene.....just wanted to say hi

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Charlene (Dec 5, 2007)

hi everybody and thank you so much!! i have SO many things to take care of today and i won't rest until i have thank-you notes written, stamped and ready to mail. we are all meeting at nana's later today to get that done!

i don't have time for a lot of detail right this minute but i can tell you that gary's services were everything i had hoped they would be. it was a beautiful day, the sun shined down on us and gary's last ride past the farm and to his burial sight was perfect.

graveside services were lovely, a fitting end to a wonderful life on earth and a new life in heaven watching over me. i had 2 definite signs yesterday. the first was hearing bluebirds singing on our way out to head to the funeral home for our private viewing before gary's casket was closed.

the second sign came to me last evening when i was cleaning up the kitchen. months ago, i came home from work one day and found sequins on the carpet near gary's chair. i asked where they could have come from and he had no idea. i accused him, playfully, of hiring a belly dancer to entertain him while i was gone. he plead not guilty. i later found out that a couple of his nieces were there to show off their sequined ballet tutus.



............

while wiping off the kitchen counter last evening, i found a blue sequin. i had been arranging flowers in a vase, we had SO many funeral sprays that we used several of them to make up vases for people to take home. i tore those flowers apart frantically looking for more sequins, thinking the florist had used them to decorate. i could not find a single other one. one blue sequin is all i found. it was a sign from gary, he was watching over me.

i still can't believe he is really gone from this earth. i am so profoundly sad, i don't know what to do except cry.

i will come back off and on and check in with you. thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. i'm sure i'll need many, many more!

xoxoxo charlene


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## Hosscrazy (Dec 5, 2007)

Charlene ---

Just letting you know that we're thinking of you over here in So. Cal.

Liz R.


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## Reble (Dec 5, 2007)

Thinking of you today Charlene, keep coming back here for support. We are just an email away.


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## MInx (Dec 5, 2007)

*Oh Charlene I've been thinking of you every day wondering how you are getting through the days..so if you feel someone looking over your shoulder, it's probably me nosing in..I know Gary is looking out for you, but we here don't plan to stop being here for you..*

Stay well, you need to "take care of you" now too.

Bless you , Maxine


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 5, 2007)

I'm so sad for you that he's not here with you. I hope that your faith continues to sustain you and I hope that you continue to feel Gary's presence through these signs that you have been given.

Give all your furkids big hugs and kisses.


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Dec 5, 2007)

Charlene, just letting you know we are all here for you at any time. Just a email click away. I am so glad to hear everything went as planned. The perfect ending to a perfect love story. Now its time to let those tears roll, you have been thru so much, and such a strong insperation to all of us. (((HUGS))) just for being you. Corinne


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## ChrystalPaths (Dec 5, 2007)

I bet you treasure that blue sequin. I believe very strongly in signs. Listen closely, and maybe you'll hear a little something or feel a warmth or even smell a familiar smell that speaks of your beloved Gary.


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## Sonya (Dec 5, 2007)

Charlene...(hugs) to you and your family...I will be thinking of you.


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## dreammountainminis (Dec 5, 2007)

Charlene,

I am glad that gary showed you signs ,,my mom showed me signs at her funeral ...I have always been a strong willed and indepentant person but when i had my private time with my mom I lost it , then I heard my mom plain as day Dont do this to yourself your stronger than this everything is gonna be okay...And I cant explain it but a feeling of such peace come over me and right after I felt this warm peace my moms favorite song came on the background music in the funeral home ..that was strange but ever since then I knew my mom would kick my ever lovin hind end if i didnt go on ....BUt I still cry and it was very hard as I was 29 and my mom was only 69 ...

I am so sorry I didnt get to check in with you yesterday i wanted to make sure you were okay ...I took dad to the er and he got readmitted to the hospital he has another bad uti....You are always in our prayers and we think of you alot.....Take care of yourself and the fur babies...


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## Charlene (Dec 5, 2007)

oh dreammountain, i hope your dad has a speedy recovery!!

thank you all. i thought i was doing so well until late yesterday and today. i have not been able to stop crying, just when i think there are no tears left, another wave washes over me. i am told this is all normal grieving so i am trying very hard to come to grips with it. so many times over the past couple of days, i would hear something funny, see something silly and think to myself "oh, i have to tell gary, he'll get such a kick out of that!" but then i remember, gary is gone and i will never be able to really TALK to him in this world. i know time will help so i just have to be patient.

we have busied ourselves with writing thank you notes today, i can't rest until that is all done. SO many beautiful arrangements of flowers, it was simply breathtaking. gary was SO loved!!


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## hhpminis (Dec 5, 2007)

Nothing wrong with tears my dear.

No one expects you to not cry. Time will make it better, but right now, of course you are sad, of course you miss him. He was a very special man and he will leave big shoes to fill. I hope once the weather gets nicer, you can get out and enjoy all the special things that he has done around your farm and feel a bit like he is there and truly never really left.

Hugs to you


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## CyndiM (Dec 6, 2007)

Keeping you in my prayers, for as long as you need or want them. ((((HUGS))))


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## Sunny (Dec 6, 2007)

It's okay to cry, Charlene. <HUG> Much better than holding it inside. In fact, I'd be more worried about you if you didn't cry!

Bless your heart. There are still soooo many prayers for you.


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## crponies (Dec 6, 2007)

I hadn't read this thread for several days so missed saying anything sooner but wanted you to know I am praying for you. I am sure you will still have plenty of rough days ahead but God will carry you through. (((hugs)))


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## Kathy2m (Dec 6, 2007)

Just checking in on you this morning. I hope you got some rest.

My Dad left me a sign too, we are not smokers and the boys were too young to smoke, we would always tease my Dad that he would leave ashes at every job he did, the cigarette would just hang out of is mouth the ashes would get long and drop on what ever he was working on (mostly the counter or floor sometimes my moms tablecloths!) I found ashes in my bathroom sink the morning of his funeral.

We are here for you, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, Kathy


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## AppyLover2 (Dec 6, 2007)

Charlene now that chaos is over I hope you're finally getting some rest. How are the fur-kids doing? Been thinking of you.


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## Charlene (Dec 6, 2007)

AppyLover2 said:


> Charlene now that chaos is over I hope you're finally getting some rest. How are the fur-kids doing? Been thinking of you.


OMG kathy, if that isn't a sign, i don't know what is!!! wow!

thanks for asking AL2, actually i AM getting some much needed rest. i've had so many people in and out every day, i think they are afraid to leave me alone. i NEED some alone time so yesterday and today, i put a little sign on the door, "napping", turned my phone to silent, closed all the blinds on the windows that have blinds and stayed away from the windows that don't and i did some laundry and cleaned out a kitchen cupboard this morning. i am going back to work either monday or tuesday so i have some things that need to be done.

i went out today for the first time since gary's memorial services. i needed horse feed and dog food and some wine coolers. it felt good to get out and about and even though being away from home failed to take my mind off of gary for even a nanosecond, i did ok. i stopped by the florist and ordered some fresh cut flowers to be delivered to our hospice nurses and then did my running.

i just came back from the cemetery where i had a little chat with gary. i told him again how much i love him and how much i miss him and how i'll be ok in time. i did all of that without crying. i even sort of told him a little joke...

whenever we would leave home together and the dogs stayed here, gary would give them each a cookie and say "you stay here, we'll be RIGHT BACK!" it didn't matter if we were gone for 5 minutes or 5 hours. when gary got too weak to go out, *I* would give the dogs cookies and say "you stay here, i'll be RIGHT BACK!" and when i said that, gary would say OK! so when i turned to walk back to my truck to come home from the cemetery, i told gary...you stay here, i'll be RIGHT BACK! THAT is his kind of humor.






the dogs have finally figured out the pre-formed plastic, carpeted steps i got for them to be able to get up on our bed and it only took 3 pieces of cheese.



they have been sleeping with me since monday night. last night, maggie stayed on the couch when simon and i went to bed. i woke this morning to find her curled up, sound asleep on gary's pillow. she is doing better, she seems to be coming out of her shell. i cannot imagine what must go through their little minds. she was such a daddy's girl and the first few days gary was in the hospital, i would come home to find her laying in the lane just watching. i know she was waiting for US to come back. *sigh*


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## drk (Dec 6, 2007)

Charlene, I am not on the forum to much but just happened to see this topic so I started to read. What an emotional ride I've taken reading this and I want to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. You have been through alot and I know how hard it is letting go to a loved one. I wanted to say that even though I do not personally know you that from what I've read you are an amazing, strong, caring person and Gary was so blessed to have had you in his life. May the love and strenght of Family and Friends help you through this very sad time in your live. My Thoughts and Prayers are with you.

I would like to also say that I am truly touched by the wonderful caring people that are on this forum. I can only imagine the boost in strength they must have and still are giving you through this with all their kind, caring, loving words.

(((((( Hugs ))))))) to You and your Family

Diane


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## maplegum (Dec 6, 2007)

Charlene,

I'm so glad that you managed to get out and get some things done. I'll never know where you get your strength from. That's also great that you managed to get some rest, it will help you.

You are an inspiration, an amazing lady.

My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry Gary is gone. (but not forgotten



).

xox Leonie xox


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## Charlene (Dec 6, 2007)

yes diane, it has most definitely been a roller coaster ride of emotions. when we were up, we were WAY up and when we were down, i didn't think i could ever climb out of the hole but climb we did and with the help of my forum family here and gary's family, i know i will be ok.

leonie, you are so right...gary will never be forgotten by me or anybody else as long as there is breath in my body.





dr. mink, gary's oncologist called a little while ago. i had called on monday and left a message that gary had passed away. dr. mink was so sweet on the phone, he said gary was such a trooper and such a fighter and he hoped he was able to give us some quality time. i told him that because of him, we had another almost-two years together on this earth. i told him how gary waited for me to fall asleep next to him before he answered the call from God and he was very touched. all over dr. mink's office are signs of his faith, little sayings on the receptionist's desk that leaves no doubt in anyone's mind that God is in control and i always found that comforting. he is a sweet, caring man and i am racking my brain trying to think of something i can take to his office as a gift for what he gave to us. any ideas anybody??


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## Reble (Dec 6, 2007)

Oh Charlene, I laughed hearing "be right back", so nice to know you are smiling.

Now, about the rug and steps where did you get it? I have been thinking about getting my dachshund girl one, she is just up and down too many times a day on the coach for me, especially with my right arm still not as good as it should be after the rotor cuff operation?

Where and how much? Thanks


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## Charlene (Dec 6, 2007)

here ya go, toots. i got this at a farm supply/home improvement store called Buchheit's. i don't know if it's a chain store or a one-of-a-kind but i LOVE this store. they even have MINI HORSE stuff!






don't bother with the ones you see at walmart, they are pretty useless. much too lightweight and the steps aren't wide enough for ANY dog to use comfortably.

yep, i'm smiling today because i feel gary all around me. it's snowing and as soon as there's enough snow on the ground, i'm heading out to make a snow angel. that's something gary and i always did. there will be two angels in the snow but mine will be the only one visible.


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## anoki (Dec 6, 2007)

Charlene, it is nice to hear you are smiling....even for just a little bit!!

Those stairs look great....wish I could find some like that up here, without breaking the bank!! I have the crappy Wal-Mart ones.....and Moxie won't even try them.

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Reble (Dec 6, 2007)

Oh thanks for the info, glad you guys told me not too buy Walmart, that was the first place I would have looked.

I will be keeping an eye out for one like yours, thanks Charlene.


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## lvponies (Dec 6, 2007)

I was window shopping on OverStock.com today and saw these pet stairs. Not sure if they are what anyone is looking for or not??

Charlene......You sound great!! So glad you're getting some rest and getting things done you want to do. Betcha those 2 snow angels reach out and hold hands when you're not looking!!


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## Barbie (Dec 6, 2007)

[SIZE=12pt]Charlene-[/SIZE]

So glad you're smiling a little today - just take it one day at a time. It will slowly get a little easier - especially with all the wonderful memories you have and the great love you and Gary are still sharing.

Have fun making your snow angel - and yes, you're right, there will be two.

I think about you daily - hope you get some good rest again tonight.

Barbie


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## Marty (Dec 6, 2007)




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## MInx (Dec 6, 2007)

*Good evening Charlene...hope this is a good evening for you..love you little dog..*

I want again applaud your strength of character through all this. I loved your story about the cemetery..

I find we are just starting this same journey in our family best friend and cousin..

I am still in shock..

they live in Maine and were just ready to head out to Florida for their place the for the Winter..

Ruthie had had a couple problems this past summer but was doing well..had some kind of shunt put in her heart? area.

Well she was getting a check up from that, and thought she might have a little pneumonia so xrayed.

Found a nodule and was sent to oncologist..seems it is cancer, in her kidney, lung and spread several places. they give her one year to 18 months.

Selfishly I am devastated! We usually went down for three months and joined them and are very close.

She loves Maine, doesn't like hot weather, so have opted to stay home.

She lives very near the "Nubble" light house. Watched them build it as a kid..(Cape Neddick Light)

My fervent hope is to be healthy enough to go see her..we went before to Maine but it's a long, long drive

Sorry i got off on myself again, I tend to do that..we live VERY isolated here.

SO, I wish you a good nights sleep, warm doggy breath on your pillow and some sun on the snow in the morning.

Maxine


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## Charlene (Dec 6, 2007)

lvponies said:


> I was window shopping on OverStock.com today and saw these pet stairs. Not sure if they are what anyone is looking for or not??
> 
> Charlene......You sound great!! So glad you're getting some rest and getting things done you want to do. Betcha those 2 snow angels reach out and hold hands when you're not looking!!


oh what a GREAT vision that is!!!

reble, sorry i forgot you asked about the cost of these steps. it's a pre-formed mold and the brown places are little pieces of carpet. it's all one piece and very lightweight, easy to move around. they were $40.





maggie didn't come to bed with me and simon last night. not sure what time she decided to grace us with her presence but when i woke this morning, she was curled up on her daddy's pillow, sound asleep, bless her little corgi heart.



oh and...simon snores like a freight train!!!

maxine, i am SO sorry to hear this news, i know how devastated you must be. i will say this to you...never EVER give up hope! where there is life, there is hope. just because the doctors say one year or two years or 6 months, THEY DON'T KNOW. we all know who is really in charge, the doctors are just guessing. there are new treatments for cancer coming out almost daily. were it not for the new drugs, i would have lost gary long before i did. ask questions, demand answers. find out EXACTLY what kind of cancer it is and read, read, read everything you can get your hands on. don't be afraid to make suggestions to the doctors. and above all, pray like you've never prayed. God will listen and God will answer. you all will be in my prayers.

charlene


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## nootka (Dec 6, 2007)

> GARY BRENT MEFFORDborn 9/25/46
> 
> died 11/30/07
> 
> ...


With all that's been happening here, I did not realize he was gone, though I did "know" it as I somewhat avoided this thread. It hurts to see what you're going through, have gone through and will go through.

I hate how unfair life is, that you both could not be together every single day of your lives (I know you think of these things, too, I am sorry if it opens the wounds anew)...

You have a beautiful love, it will never be a "was" or a "had" or a "been" it's a present tense thing, and always will be.

Thank you for sharing with us. As much as it hurts, it makes us feel better to be "here" for you.

Rest in Peace, Gary, and good luck with all those projects. We could sure use you here on the North Coast of Oregon with all of this damage....I can imagine you'd be one of those right out there with your neighbors helping to repair things because all your work's done.

Liz


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## Charlene (Dec 6, 2007)

i don't really look at it as unfair. it seems to help me if i look at it as being God's plan. i can't question that. it doesn't make it hurt any less, that's for sure but if i go through life asking why and being bitter, i'll just end up a crotchety old woman. i would rather use my energy keeping the farm alive and planning next year's flower gardens. gary so loved his flowers and i'd like for him to have a nice view next summer.





i agree 100%, my love for gary will never end. he was my other half, i can never be complete now that he is not here physically.

gary IS in oregon, i just bet he's "supervising" a crew somewhere! 

looks like the snow has let up so i need to get out there and make my snow angel before i go to bed. brrr!


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## Kathy2m (Dec 7, 2007)

Charlene,

Checking in on you this morning. I know the hardest time for my Mom was after the services and everyone had gone.

I wish I could find steps like that for my Gracie, since we got the new bed and wood floor she cant jump without slipping and she has tried. Since Adam has moved home she has taken to sleeping with him, his bed is lower, but with his new job he gets up at 5 (hubbys up and gone by then too)and she comes looking for another body to sleep with and wakes me up with that corgi talk. I bought a cheap set that doesnt even reach half way up the bed. She wouldnt even use them. They do like to be on those pillows dont they!

Hope you have a good day, Kathy


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## Vicky Texas (Dec 8, 2007)

Charlene said:


> GARY BRENT MEFFORD
> 
> born 9/25/46
> 
> ...


Charlene

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I just read your post, and I am so sorry.

I know he meant a lot to you and your family. I know the months ahead will be hard

with Gary.

Wow, you are incredible.

i don't really look at it as unfair. it seems to help me if i look at it as being God's plan. i can't question that. it doesn't make it hurt any less, that's for sure but if i go through life asking why and being bitter, i'll just end up a crotchety old woman. i would rather use my energy keeping the farm alive and planning next year's flower gardens. gary so loved his flowers and i'd like for him to have a nice view next summer.

i agree 100%, my love for gary will never end. he was my other half, i can never be complete now that he is not here physically.

gary IS in oregon, i just bet he's "supervising" a crew somewhere! 

looks like the snow has let up so i need to get out there and make my snow angel before i go to bed. brrr!

But maybe this will help you keep going in the months ahead. Your right, your farm, your

horses, your garden's will need you.

May God keep his loving arm's around you.

Vicky


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## Charlene (Dec 8, 2007)

Vicky Texas said:


> Charlene said:
> 
> 
> > GARY BRENT MEFFORD
> ...


thank you, vicky. i don't recall if i mentioned this but i recently burned every bit of paperwork and flushed every pill that even remotely reminded me of gary's disease. i thought i destroyed everything but i came across more stuff today while cleaning out a closet. it's gone, burned.

but i came across some other stuff. gary used to leave me little notes and little cards all the time. i have every single one of them, even the little scraps of paper or little post-it notes he wrote on. i started to read them but it was just too painful. tucked among them was an e-mail he sent to me at work on our 9th anniversary. gary typed with one finger, it must have taken him all day. it said "happy 9th anniversary babe! let's try for 100!" OH GOD!!!


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## Magic (Dec 8, 2007)

Charlene, {{{hugs}}} to you.

After my Mom died, seeing her handwriting made me cry, seeing pictures of her made me cry, seeing my flowers bloom that she had helped me plant made me cry, pretty much everything did, sigh.... My Mom was only 65 and I thought she'd be around for decades longer.

I hate to say it, but it may get worse before it gets better (the grieving process). I think that shock kind of protects us at first.

I can't imagine losing my life partner as you have, and I feel so very sad for your loss. More {{{{hugs}}}}


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## EMB (Dec 8, 2007)

*Charlene and family, please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved Gary.*

It has taken me some days to work through this thread and I shed some tears and said more than a few prayers along the way. I know that you found it therapeutic to post throughout all the various stages of Gary's illness but you also need to know a couple of things.

You taught us all about courage in the face of our worst fears. Most of all though, you reminded us of the hope we all can have, seemingly even during the darkest times. Thank you.

I will continue to keep you and your family, including the four legged members, in my prayers. I know God will continue to surround you with His love during this difficult time. I know too that Gary is home now and you know he is not leaving your side for a moment.

Eileen


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## Sunny (Dec 8, 2007)

Hi Charlene. Just wanted you to know that I continue to hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

My mom died six years ago last month and, obviously, the first Christmas was the hardest. It really has gotten a tiny bit easier since then, but I still can't watch the old family videos. My brothers and their families take great comfort in that, but it just tears my heart out. I'm okay with photos, but video.... not so much.

You know best whether you can see and touch things that remind you of Gary, and whether you'll get comfort or pain from them. I just hope that you will find many, many things that comfort you.

(This really doesn't sound like it did in my head. I hope you can figure it out.)


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## anoki (Dec 8, 2007)

Still thinking about you.....

I know I can't do much to help, but just know we are here for you.

Put the notes in a file somewhere.....I know you will cherish them, but right now the pain is too fresh...

((((hugs))))

~kathryn


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## Charlene (Dec 8, 2007)

i figured it out just fine, sunny.






i wish you guys could know how much it means to me to know you are thinking about me and what's even better is that you come here to TELL me. it warms my heart and truly does make things a little easier.

kathryn, i gathered my wits about me, took a deep breath and read every single note and card from gary. i laughed at some of them, smiled at others and 2 or 3 made me cry but it made me feel so much closer to him just holding them in my hands.

while cleaning out a desk drawer today, i even found an old paper grocery sack. on it, in big black letters were the words "happy 3rd anniversary, sweetie". i have no idea what was in that sack, probably a new breyer horse, but i was so happy to have found it. another thing to treasure!


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## AppyLover2 (Dec 8, 2007)

In the weeks since this thread started I've prayed for a miracle, prayed for strength for both you and Gary and prayed for peace for you. As you sort through things you're obviously finding tiny (at the time almost insignificant) things that are touching your heart. Sometimes they may bring a smile, sometimes tears, but I hope they always remind you that you were blessed with the kind of love too many of us never find. (((HUGS)))


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 8, 2007)

I'm so glad you've kept all those wonderful Gary mementos (sp?) and have them now. He was/is truly a remarkable man.


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## bluetaterbaby (Dec 8, 2007)

Charlene:

I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine the intensity of the pain you're experiencing; but, God does. People deal with grief differently and you'll learn what helps you best. When my daddy died, I found that writing him letters whenever I felt like I needed to talk to him helped. I wrote just like I felt and said what I wanted to say. Then, I just folded it up and put it in a special place. I still have the letters, but I haven't ever had a need to read them. This brought some closure to me. But, I think about him being gone and just can't believe it. It's been 7 years now and yet I'm still shocked when I realize that he's really gone. I do know that he's waiting for me.

God has put words in my heart at different times throughout my life. I've learned to just write them down. They've become poems, songs, or stories. I give God the praise for this because I'm not doing it on my own.

Please know that you aren't forgotten. We DO care and YOU matter to all of us.

God bless,

Joan


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## Charlene (Dec 8, 2007)

thank you, joan. that's very sweet. something i did was spray gary's pillow with his stetson. the first couple of nights alone in our bed were agony for me and i wasn't so sure it was a smart thing to do but now i find comfort in that smell. i hug his pillow, even kiss it goodnight. i think maggie likes it, too, because most nights she sleeps curled up right in the middle of it.

yes appy, i was truly blessed to have had gary by my side for 11 years. i wish it could have been a hundred and eleven but God's plan didn't work that way. i know gary will be waiting for me. some of the notes i found today were simple one-liners..."i love you"...but some were more than that and i know gary wrote them from the heart. that is probably what i miss most about him. he was such a gentle man, so loving and the thought of never having him stroke my arm as i fall asleep is sometimes more than i can take. i just have to keep thinking about all the good times and try not to dwell on his last few days.

i keep thinking about lisa and what she is going through.


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## SilverDollar (Dec 8, 2007)

Charlene, my heart aches for you and Lisa. I can't even imagine what you are both going through. The closest experience I have is when my Dad died of leukemia when I was 21; that was 23 years ago and some days it feels like yesterday. He was only 58 and from the time he told us to the day he died it was only seven months. I still miss him every day and find myself wishing I could talk to him face to face. I "talk" to him often and when I really need him he appears in my dreams. That helps me a lot. He used to give the best hugs and I still miss those. I am glad you are able to find comfort in your memories.

Gosh, I haven't made a snow angel in years. That sounds like fun.

For some reason this quote makes me think of the loved ones I have lost and I find great comfort in it...I'm not sure why.

"In one of the stars, I shall be living.

In one of them, I shall be laughing.

And so it will be as if all the stars

were laughing when you look

at the sky at night."

--from The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery


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## Kathy2m (Dec 9, 2007)

H Charlene,

Thinking of you this morning.

Its amazing when I read through this thread how many experiences people share, like the signs and the writing thing. After my moms first stroke the doctors wanted her to try to write things down, she was having a hard time talking and her thoughts were scattered. I had a small tablet in my purse we give it to her and asked her to write her name. The first word she wrote was SHI* then we said no mom write your name. She wrote her name Shirley. When I was at a show a few months ago I needed a piece of paper to write down the jump courses, I took out the tablet and what did I find but Shi* Shirley still in it. It made me smile, she was at my show with me. {{{{HUGS}}}} Kathy


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## ChrystalPaths (Dec 9, 2007)

I think of you and Lisa each morning and pray for a bit of smile in each hard day. I keep you both and Marylou in my prayers still. Memories are great. Come the 15th my daddy will be gone 4 yrs already but he so loved this time of year so I can't help but talk to him still and share my plans. He'd wake up at 4am and shout "Santie Clause has been here!" to 6 small children. I miss him still.


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## dreammountainminis (Dec 9, 2007)

Charlene,

Praying for you still and I am glad that you can find comfort in memories....You have showed us all such courage ...I hope you are doing well ...Also wanted to update you Dad is doing a little better starting to eat and white blood count is coming down some ...

I just know sooner than later I will be dealing with the same and hope I am as strong as you have been ... I am the only child and have already lost mom but never really got a chance to greave because mom had only been gone two months and dad started getting these uti's and is still getting them ...On top of the parkinsons diease ....WE have hoed a very long road and I will keep right on hoeing beside dad until the lord calls him home ..I just so hope I have the strong and determined will that you have ...I so admire you for telling all of us your real life experiance....

I hope it helps more when you get back to work I know that sounds crazy but when I was feeling lost because of loosing mom taking 24 hour care of dad has helped. take care and god bless


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## Brandi* (Dec 9, 2007)

Thoughts of you Charlene


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 10, 2007)

Not sure if you're heading back to work today, Charlene, but you are in my thoughts as I start my workday. I wish you as pleasant of a day as possible.

God Bless!


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## Charlene (Dec 10, 2007)

ohhh where do i begin?? we were part of this wicked ice storm that hit sunday in the wee hours of the morning. we have been without power since sunday at 5:20 a.m. COLD, COLD, COLD!!! i have been staying home, under blankets with the dogs. we JUST got power back about 15 minutes ago so i will stay here long enough to THANK YOU ALL for your good wishes and for your prayers.

i have thought so much about lisa, i hope she's doing ok.





i'm doing ok and gary, i am sure, is SO proud of me for taking care of everything. i think i'll take tomorrow to recoup and head back to work on wednesday.

the absolute worst thing about not having power was sitting in the dark for the past 2 nights, in the extreme quiet...all i could do was sit and think about gary and how much i miss him.

thanks again everybody!! charlene


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## Alex (Dec 10, 2007)

That would be the last thing I would want to happen... no power. Cold. We all think bout you day in and day out. You are a strong human being.


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## Reijel's Mom (Dec 10, 2007)

Oh Charlene - that is awful about the electricity going out





Cold, dark, nothing to do but think too much - I'm so sorry!

The ice storm got us last year and we were without electricity and water for almost a week - I thought I was a "roughin' it" type gal but OH MY that was AWFUL!

I see you are on now so I hope it is cozy warm in your house at least.


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## hhpminis (Dec 10, 2007)

Charlene

I am sorry, i have stayed away for a couple of days. I was being selfish and just could not bear to hear that you were maybe not doing so well.

I have to say, I am very proud of you. I was happy and relieved to read your posts and even find some humor in them. You are a very special lady.

We have had some things to deal with out west here and it was easy to excuse coming here. I am glad I finally did.

Take care my dear


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## AppyLover2 (Dec 11, 2007)

Charlene I've wondered how you were doing with all this ice. Sorry to hear you had a bad couple of days but glad to hear the power is back on. There's no doubt that Gary has been smiling down at the way you've dealt with all of this. Hang in there!


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## Basketmiss (Dec 11, 2007)

Charlene,

Sorry to hear you didnt have power. That is rough! Good thing you had the dogs to make some body heat with... I would imagine that was hard sitting , thinking about Gary with nothing else to do, but you got thru it so thats great! He is watching and proud of you for how you are handling it ll...

We have had ice but knock on wood havent lost power! It is raining in Columbia, MO today so i think its gonna melt this snow and ice- it supposed to be 36 today..

I hope you are thawing out.

Missy


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## Reble (Dec 11, 2007)

Oh so sorry Charlene, glad to hear you are returning to work?

What do you do? and are you happy there? Thinking of you


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## Charlene (Dec 11, 2007)

Reble said:


> Oh so sorry Charlene, glad to hear you are returning to work?
> 
> What do you do? and are you happy there? Thinking of you


we have power and we have running water...so far, so good. hopefully this next storm will miss us.

yes, i was planning to go back to work today until all of this weather hit. i work the for pike county, illinois, public defender. I LOVE MY JOB and i absolutely adore my boss and my co-worker. they have held the fort down while i have been out ever since gary fell and was taken to the hospital. i could not ask for better working conditions. liz told me not to come back until i am ready. that was supposed to be today but pike county got hit every bit as hard as we did. in fact, the courthouse and all offices are closed today so i will have to see what tomorrow brings.

i really need to get back to as normal a routine as i can possibly have. nothing will be "normal" for me for a very, very long time but i must try to adjust asap. gary would want me to go on and, go on i will but he is never gone from my mind or my heart, what's left of it.


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## shadowpaints (Dec 11, 2007)

please know that i have been thinking of you and your wonderful husband lately.. you are so strong ! i wanted to wish you a merry christmas and please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers every day!

love from Idaho,

Becca


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