# Something I've been stewing about for a while now



## StarRidgeAcres (Oct 6, 2011)

This has been bothering me for a very long time now. I guess I would like to know if others think I am over-reacting and should just let it go or what.

Over the last few years, when I've been financially able - even when it meant putting myself in some difficulty - I've "donated" money to different personal causes. These have all been to horse-related people. We all hear the stories... my horse needs surgery, my spouse is ill, a natural disaster, etc. Sometimes the individuals ask for the money, sometimes another person asks on their behalf. Sometimes it's a direct ask for money, sometimes it's a benefit auction-type event.

I realize it is totally my decision to donate or not; nobody is holding a gun to my head.

Maybe I was just raised differently, but my mother insisted on saying "thank you." If I received something, I'd better have said a polite thank you or written a note or I'd have gotten heck from her. Even as an adult, I make a conscious effort to thank someone when they do something nice or help me in some way. So I guess I expect the same in return.

I can think of at least FOUR times that I've donated money to something I learned about here on LB and NEVER got an email, a card, a phone call, not even a PM saying even two simple words: Thank you. Am I just over-reacting? I'm totally dumbfounded by this behavior. I would NEVER consider cashing someone's personal check or accepting a paypal transfer if I wasn't, at a minimum, going to thank them for it. I just wouldn't do it. And then, especially if I was accepting money from mutiple people to pay bills I supposedly couldn't and then showed up at Nationals or Worlds that same year showing horses...well, I just can't imagine doing that when I'd never even had the simple manners to say thank you for what I received. My mother would turn over in her grave if I did something like that.

So, what do others think? Have basic manners just totally vanished from our society? I'm really just confused as to the kind of people who do this.

OK, hopefully I'm done venting on this subject!






I wanted to add...there have also been times I've donated to things I learned about on LB where I did receive a thank you and in those cases I'd certainly do the same again. But those people who just take the money and run really make it hard on those sincere folks because it makes me hesitant to be as generous in the future.


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## Lizzie (Oct 6, 2011)

Oh Pamela, you are SO speaking my language. I grew up in England and with very strict parents. I remember after Christmas or birthdays, I had to sit for hours, writing thank you letters. I notice many children these days, seldom say a thank you, let alone even consider writing a note.

In the years when I was showing dogs and horses, I always wrote a letter of thanks to the judge, for placing me. Few seem to do this, so I was told by many judges. They actually wrote and thanked me for thanking them.

I make websites for several people. A few years ago, a fellow wrote to me saying his daughter was having a difficult time making their website. They have horses in another breed. While I normally charge for making sites, I decided to help this young lady. I spent several days, finding lovely backgrounds and writing all the html codes for her. I explaned in detail via email, how she could add all her own pictures. To this day, they still have the website, have sold a ton of expensive horses and yet I have never received one word of thanks. Another horse owner in another breed, sent me a ton of pics of her horses and asked for critiques. That also took much time and again, not one word of thanks.

After a while, I think one gets a little tired of helping people out. Maybe it is my age now, but I do think good manners have long gone by the wayside. Sad really. I could go on and on, about the many things I see changing these days, but won't. I'm sure we all see it.

Lizzie


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## Riverrose28 (Oct 6, 2011)

I hear you and agree, I've personally donated and not been able to afford to go to Worlds or Nationals, but the people recieving donations can afford too. Doesn't seem fair. I think I will think long and hard before donating again. This economy is awful and so many of us are suffering just to feed and care for our guys, but we also feel if someone else is in need to help in any little way possable, then to hear they are placing at the big shows says to me that they really didn't need the money and I'm a sucker. Any how, no hard feelings, I guess it's just the way ball rolls. They are promoting their farm name and horse, to make a sale, and I'm tapped out and can't even compete. what ever!


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## Sue_C. (Oct 6, 2011)

Riverrose28 said:


> I hear you and agree, I've personally donated and not been able to afford to go to Worlds or Nationals, but the people recieving donations can afford too. Doesn't seem fair. I think I will think long and hard before donating again. This economy is awful and so many of us are suffering just to feed and care for our guys, but we also feel if someone else is in need to help in any little way possable, then to hear they are placing at the big shows says to me that they really didn't need the money and I'm a sucker. Any how, no hard feelings, I guess it's just the way ball rolls. They are promoting their farm name and horse, to make a sale, and I'm tapped out and can't even compete. what ever!


It takes guts and true ignorance for someone to do such as this...I wish there was a way for folks to know who they were so the next time they feel the need to ask for handouts, they are met with a little less exuberance. There are a lot of people in REAL need that could be helped over folks this selfish.

As for the original post, yes, it is expected to at least send a thank you...be it through a post of a forum such as this, a letter sent to all, or a card if affordable...but at least have it recognized in some small way. I recently made a few donations myself, and have heard nary a word...and they all have my e-mail address...so simple to send off a wee "Thanks".


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## minimomNC (Oct 6, 2011)

While I hope I said thank you to everyone, when we did the Powell Auction, I thought I had thanked everyone in a couple of posts for donating and buying, I just couldn't remember when. So I went back to check the archives.

I would never not thank people for their overwhelming kindness, it helped a family during a very hard time in their lives and people that always give of themselves when someone asks for help.

If anyone missed it, here are the links to the threads. I just wanted everyone to know, we did try our best to thank everyone during this auction.

Karen Hunter

Auction link

Another post


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## Genie (Oct 6, 2011)

I have often wondered how those folks who I have seen on the forum, who have been given horses when they have had problems, are ever able to properly thank those who have been so generous.

That has been quite a donation and hopefully appreciated.

I help organize a couple of mini shows and many of the competitors make an effort to thank us and give us a compliment. It is really appreciated and the o.p. reminder to us to remember our manners is always timely.


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## kaykay (Oct 6, 2011)

I sincerely hope I did not forget to thank anyone but it is highly possible. I did try to thank everyone here on Annies LB forum post and the people that helped on Facebook.

In my situation I was very sleep deprived from Tease being over due and then the round the clock care Annie took for the week before she went to OSU. Then the trips to OSU and round the clock care again when she came home, the trailer wreck etc. That entire month is literally a blur to me. If I forgot someone I apologize profusely.

I know two people sent me something very special to my house, but didnt sign their cards. I tried and tried to figure out who they were but could never figure it out.

I have never forgotten how people helped Annie and just as importantly the calls and emails lending emotional support.

And just an FYI Annies story was told at a huge writing convention a couple weeks ago in CA by my editor at Yahoo. She was so touched by Annies story that she wanted to share it during her speech.


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## LindaL (Oct 6, 2011)

This same thing goes thru my mind each time that someone needs "help". Not to say they don't, but many times those we (as a group) ASK to help someone because we THINK they need financial help and they don't because they have insurance to cover most if not all the costs to "rebuild".

Then there are those on this forum who quietly go thru TRUE financial struggles (for whatever reason) without asking for help praying every day that they can feed their animals and families desperately trying to sell horses and things to help them thru their hard times. Of course, many times we do not KNOW they need help, so we (as a group) do not ASK on behalf of them.

It's a fine line and like Mary Lou said, it is hard to tell sometimes if someone really does need help or not. Most of the time I can not financially help someone out (and I do feel bad that I can not do it), but ONE time last year I did help...and like Parmela I did NOT ever get sent a Thank You for it.





This topic is doubled edged...and while I know there are people who would be extremely appreciative of any help they recieved; I really feel like "group" donations thru the forum are a bad idea all around. JMO


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## rimmerpaints (Oct 6, 2011)

You should get a thank you no matter what! If i dont get one i wont donate again. Yes i am right with ya on this.


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## barnbum (Oct 6, 2011)

A few years back I sent a hearty donation to a family I knew was struggling. No thank you ever came, but in that case I didn't expect one because of the emotional turmoil the family was under.

I guess I'm turned off by people directly asking for and even being willing to accept financial donations. Life is not always easy, but horses are a luxury and one must have the means to support them and possible costly situations that come up. Long term planning. If one's finanial situation changes, then the number of horses should change. Breeding can be costly. If one can't afford an emergency, it's irrepsonsible to breed. Just my (responsible) opinion.





So... we only donate to people we know way better than a forum relationship. I've focused my efforts on a local horse rescue place. I make them quilted projects and they raffle them off.





My kids still send thank yous, even if via email. They are in their 20s but must feel me leaning over their shoulder until it's done.


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## Minimor (Oct 6, 2011)

Definitely agree with you. Gifts should always be acknowledged.

One thing I don't like seeing is someone pleading for money for some dire need, and then shortly afterward--or even in the same time frame as the request for money--is buying more horses.


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## New mini (Oct 6, 2011)

I also think that there should always be a thank you. I have not been on here long and have not donated any money to anyone here. I see many young children that do not have any manners. I try when I see a child doing something nice, like holding a door for me, to thank them and also a comment to the parents on how nice that is. I have had my Grandchildren here everyday since their parents work and I make sure that they say thank you and mind thier manners. It is suprising how many adults will not say thank you to the Grandchildren and that hurts them since they are doing something nice for someone.GuessI am in the older world too.


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## REO (Oct 6, 2011)

We can't afford to give money to others. I always do something to donate or give to CMHR each year.

I'm always trying to do something to help others





Many times they have no idea I was behind the scenes making something good happen for them. That's ok!

Recently I posted and offered to GIVE my full brother to Pooka to someone here on the forum who'd had a loss. When that wasn't even acknowledged in nearly 2 days, it hurt my feelings and I deleted my offer.

I'm always saying thank you for things and I always mean it from the heart. I always smile and thank anyone who holds a door open for me



I often do it for others and they don't even glance at me!

I know many people who act like saying thank you would make them melt like the wicked witch of the east





I know what you mean Parm. Don't let some stop you from being the wonderful generous lady that you are!


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## Connie P (Oct 6, 2011)

CMHR TRULY thanks each and every person who donates, fosters, adopts, volunteers or helps the rescue out in any way shape or form. We could not operate without all of you wonderful indivduals. I sure hope we never forget to thank anyone because I also am a very firm believer in saying "thank you" Two little words that mean so much!


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## Ashley (Oct 6, 2011)

well I see it a bit different. I normally always thank people for holding doors or anything of that sort, I do sometimes get spacey and forget. However, if I donate to something or somebody I dont expect a thank you. Yes they are nice but I donate because I can and because it makes me feel good. I dont expect ANYTHING in return. As of late with everything here I have not been able to donate to anything other then the places that I can send used clothing. Money is very tight because of stuff happening here, but I would never ask for help. I do have pets, and as long as I have them I dont have a right to ask for any help.


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## StarRidgeAcres (Oct 6, 2011)

I appreciate everyone's response. It's a touchy subject I realize, so if I ruffled any feathers, I do apologize.

I've been thinking a lot about this after reading the different responses as well as a PM I got from someone I truly respect. Although I do think the very best policy is to always say thank you for yourself when you've received something, I can understand how it's possible for circumstances to be such that you can't or don't. And not always does no response mean the recipient wasn't totally grateful.

I appreciate the views expressed and I think I've softened mine some after my PM and after reading Ashley's response below:



Ashley said:


> well I see it a bit different. I normally always thank people for holding doors or anything of that sort, I do sometimes get spacey and forget. However, if I donate to something or somebody I dont expect a thank you. Yes they are nice but I donate because I can and because it makes me feel good. I dont expect ANYTHING in return. As of late with everything here I have not been able to donate to anything other then the places that I can send used clothing. Money is very tight because of stuff happening here, but I would never ask for help. I do have pets, and as long as I have them I dont have a right to ask for any help.


I will always try to say thank you for gifts big or small. But I do now understand how it's possible for that not to happen even though the person is truly grateful. Thanks for all the thoughts!


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## Jill (Oct 7, 2011)

With you all the way Parm, despite the fact that I've gotten flack here before for expressing similar feelings. To take handouts and then buy a new horse, sink money into showing, or breed mares back when you couldn't swing the prior resulting vet bill... I just don't think that's right and I've seen it here time and again. Add a lack of a thank you on top, and I just have to figure that some people not only have no shame, but also weren't raised well.


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## jacks'thunder (Oct 7, 2011)

I'm with you! I agree 100%! We just gave my neice some money for graduation and got no thank you from her. We took her on vacation to Florida and got no thank you from her. I asked my mom if she got a thank you card and she said nope. So no thank you to her grandma and no thank you to her aunt and uncle. In my opinion I would think she sent out a mass text or posted on Facebook a public Thank You, that is something she would do. Now because I don't text or have a FB account, neither I( nor my mom) got a Thank You.

Things are tight for everyone and a simple note really makes a difference when you pass on money to someone (expecially family). My nephew is getting married Tomorrow and I can't go but will be sending a gift card. I am hoping I'm wrong but people in my family don't seem to appricate anything and kind of "expect" things to be given to them. All I have to say is I hope I'm wrong..... we'll see. A thank you note would be nice!





_Edited to add that I have given a homemade blanket to be auctioned to help someone here on the board and I made a great friend out of it. I don't talk to her much any more but I still consider her a friend! _



_I have also worked with CMHR and they were OUTSTANDING and very thankful(no $ involved though!)._

When I see post about $ I just back out and don't go back to it. It totally get my panties in a bunch! I know I should not let it irk me but thats why I don't read them.





I guess my issues are more family related! LOL! My 2 experiences here have been great!


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## LAminiatures (Oct 7, 2011)

Amen! I agree with all of you. It is very sad that some one cant so such a simple thing like say thanks. I am a pay if forward type of person myself. I have helped and donated to many causes including people that fell on hard times. I guess as we get older we will never stop helping others but we do become more wise to the folks the genuinely need help.

Thank you for this thread its bittersweet. One to know how may nice people are out there but the reminder that there aren't.


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## Reble (Oct 7, 2011)

This quote comes to mind when I read this:

“Giving is most blessed and most acceptable when the donor remains completely anonymous”

Would also like to add, I do agree, it only takes a few seconds to say Thank YOU...


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## Eagle (Oct 7, 2011)

REO said:


> Recently I posted and offered to GIVE my full brother to Pooka to someone here on the forum who'd had a loss. When that wasn't even acknowledged in nearly 2 days, it hurt my feelings and I deleted my offer.


I had read that and thought " wow, I wish that was me"




I would have said yes please and Thank you every day for the rest of my life





I had to sell my best mare this spring, a month before she foaled a stunning small filly (she had always given me colts



) to pay for another mares colic fees. I was offered help from a family member but I politely reclined, I personally wouldn't take money from others unless I really couldn't afford to feed them .

I was also taught to write thank you letters and ask to be excused before leaving the table etc but i think this all went out of fashion.

Saying that if a horse of a friend on here was sick and they didn't have the money to make the horse well and feeling better I wouldn't think twice about helping in a small way as it would make ME feel better knowing that the horse in question is no longer suffering.

Does any of this make sense?


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## ohmt (Oct 7, 2011)

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and can receive without forgetting"


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## Eagle (Oct 7, 2011)

Amen


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## Marty (Oct 7, 2011)

When my son was killed, people from everywhere came together and sent cards and gifts and monetary donations also. There were literally thousands. Being unable to personally thank thousands of people, I did a public thank you on this board, and in other places with the help of my daughter in law because I had been "sick" and unable to properly communicate for quite some time, and we also took out an ad locally to express our appreciation. Because of the overwhelming ways people helped us, I also personally vowed to "pay it forward" as best as I can which I do in many ways to this day.

At CMHR we always are grateful for even the smallest little things that most people would not bother with but everyone that supports CMHR in any way, doesn't have to be via money, even if it's with emotional support is appreciated.

"Thank You" is a simple thing to say and it should be said and come from the heart.


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## CZP1 (Oct 7, 2011)

I just think society has forgetten "manners". We were taught to send thank you notes for everything as well as saying thank you. I make my son send thank you notes. None of my nephews or neices ever send thank yous. But I guess if you don't make them they won't. I personally am tired of seeing (not on this board) people asking for donations for their horses surgery or can't feed them etc. Well if you can't afford to take care of them then they shouldn't have them. I know times are tough for everyone.

Recently was sent an email requesting donations for a friend who had athat horse had colicked and passed away. The person sending the email had set up an account for the grieving owner to help them "get over" the old horse and take donations for purchase of a new horse. The owner can't afford a new horse at this time. I was upset by the email and was like really!...about a month later the grieving horse owner sent an apology email explaining that the person who set up the donation link had borrowed the grieving horse owners laptop and went into her email and asked of this all on her own. The horse owner had "no idea" and explained that no ones email was used in a malicious manner. Bigs cahonas I think to ask!


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## heartkranch (Oct 7, 2011)

Points in life go up and then can go down. Just because they can't pay for something one month doesn't mean they can't in two months. Really sad to see people say that. I had a hard time a few months ago with 3 horses colicing non-stop for about a month, spent pretty much all my savings to get them better. Well took everything then when something else happened I was stuck. Sorry that I only had 5k in savings!! I didn't ask or receive money, but I shouldn't own horses because I couldn't afford another 500 dollar vet bill at that time??

I have given to people on here money, and to others on other boards, guess what I've sent?! over 500 dollars. I don't expect a thank you, because I do it to help.

Really upsets me to see that "you shouldn't own horses if you can't afford them", sometimes you can't! I understand the part where they turn around buy more, or go to shows, that is crappy. but sometimes there is a reason.


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## ohmt (Oct 7, 2011)

Amen to that heartk. We as people are much too quick to judge and make assumptions about others.

I had over 300 people at my graduation party. Almost everyone that gave me cards and money were given verbal thank you's and hugs. I was unaware that thank you cards were also necessary and had a lot of people upset with me over it. Why is it that you can thank someone in person but it is not a real thank you until it has a postage stamp attached? Never did understand that one. Anyone that was not at my party but sent cards or left early were all sent thank you cards, of course.

With my graduation money I was able to purchase a computer for school. It was something myself or my family would have never been able to afford otherwise. I was and still am incredibly grateful for that. Those future college students may not seem grateful, but I guarantee once at college that they will be.

As for my manners-i always say please and thank you, I try to be friends with everyone, I try to help when I can, I hold doors open for people and carry old lady's groceries for them, I ask to be excused from the dinner table, etc. My grandparents helped raise me so I am a bit old school. I find it very sad that because I did not send out thank you cards to everyone that people assume I have no manners. Are there some 'bad nuts' out there? Of course, but I try not to dwell on them.


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## chandab (Oct 7, 2011)

ohmt said:


> Amen to that heartk. We as people are much too quick to judge and make assumptions about others.
> 
> I had over 300 people at my graduation party. Almost everyone that gave me cards and money were given verbal thank you's and hugs. I was unaware that thank you cards were also necessary and had a lot of people upset with me over it. Why is it that you can thank someone in person but it is not a real thank you until it has a postage stamp attached? Never did understand that one. Anyone that was not at my party but sent cards or left early were all sent thank you cards, of course.
> 
> ...


While I don't know if it fully follows the rules of etiquette; I think its acceptable that a verbal thank you would be enough in a case such as the party you are talking about with written thank yous to those who didn't attend but sent something and those who left early. Personally, I don't think I could handle sending 300 Thank You cards, although at one time that would be the only proper thing to do.


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## Davie (Oct 7, 2011)

I hope I never forget to say "THANK YOU" when receiving something but sometimes in the stress of the situation we "FORGET" and I hope that is not held against someone that is going through a very stressful situation -- lists of people who donated may get lost in all the shuffle before the person can send "THANK YOU", especially if they are displaced.

Been there done that -- took me a month to find where I had put all the cards that were sent with flowers for Mother's funeral. I knew I wanted them in a safe place -- well that safe place was even safe from me. I did finally find them and got the "THANK YOU" card out but was very late.

I have been on a couple of fund raisers for people and when money is sent I try to let the person receiving the funds know who they are from but there have been times that I have no note or I toss the envelop with the return address, so therefore I can't forward the information. On one ocassion I had people send checks made out to me -- got the person a bank check; I was asked not to say who the money came from--even though I knew who it was.

Donating when you can afford it is good not only for the heart but for the soul. If I don't get a "Personal" Thank You I don't let it bug me as I just consider how stressed the situation is and I know that they appreciated what I did anyway. They usually have far greater things on their mind at the moment.


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## Leeana (Oct 7, 2011)

I would never dare let anyone pay my horse related bills - Call it pride....call it ethics....morals...I would never allow anyone to insist on paying a vet fee or ANYTHING for me. Even if the money was insisted to be given, I would NOT allow it to be given. I am 22 years old and everything that I do and happens in result of something I do is my responsibility and I will take care of it, something my dad taught me.

I also would not allow people to pay my way to a national horse show and then not even go. I guess over time people forgot what things like ethics and morals are.

Now, I could see if it was legit and a special needs child or a youth had a pony or a horse and the horse needed something done, I wouldn't hesitate to donate some money - but I will not pay for a grown adult human beings responsibility. I am 22 years old and handle my own responsibilties (financial) - so I would expect a grown adult to be able to do so as well.

I am no saint - but I consider myself to be a good person and in everything I do, I think about making my father proud - but I guess I just have strong feelings about this.

LONG OVERNEEDED TOPIC! Thank you Parm!


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## mydaddysjag (Oct 8, 2011)

I agree, most people these days have no manners. Im among those who could never ask for help, too proud I guess. We're not rich by any means. In the last month our car's motor blew up and the car wasn't under warranty, my husbands hours at work were cut and his pay was about 1/3 of what it normally is, we have a $430 bill from the emergency room that insurance wont cover when he broke his hand in august, and my one of my horses just racked up some very hefty vet bills. Before the horse got sick, we were on the "ramen eating" budget, so no, we certainly couldn't afford the vet bills. Just like I told my husband, we'll figure out how to make it work, we always do". Although we are trying to get out of debt and out from under credit cards, I ended up having to get a care credit card, and finding a new vet that accepted the care credit. On the bright side, I like the new vet MUCH better than the old vet, and my horse dramatically improved within 2 days of seeing the new vet. I did have forum members message me and offer to lend a hand, but I just can't take someone elses money. How terrible would it be if someone offered to help, and then their horse or family member got sick or had an accident and then they were short because of helping me?


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## AnnaC (Oct 8, 2011)

A very interesting topic.





A couple of weeks ago I had a bit of a health scare. G/daughter and her partner hastily made arrangements to take a week off work and raced up here to spend a few days with me and the family. They then persuaded me to go back with them for a few days - they had only moved into their new house four days before my scare, but within moments of us arriving at their new place, things were re-arranged and I had space in the spare room for a comfy bed, a bedside table and light, loads of books and magazines to choose from, new bedclothes and duvet and new curtains at the window. A wonderful few days followed with lots of laughter and discussions about their new home. They then drove the 2 1/2 hours needed to get me home, stopped for an hours rest and after lots of hugs kisses and huge thank yous, they left to drive the 2 1/2 hours home.

As I'm not allowed to drive for four weeks, I have had to wait until today to get someone to run me down to the village shop - my family always travel in the other direction for various reasons - and I finally managed to purchase a card to send. Yes it will be a week late in getting there to say 'Thank you and God bless you for your love and kindness', I know G/daughter will not be expecting it, but I also know how much she will appreciate it.

I was also brought up to mind my 'P's and q's and to write thank you letters at Christmas and Birthdays, and at any other time they might be needed/appreciated. My G/daughter and her partner shared with me lots of hugs and thank yous in person, but I still consider my card - although a little late - to be an essential part of my appreciation for their love, care and concern.


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## barnbum (Oct 8, 2011)

This is a nice post to read.

A few have mentioned someone saying one shouldn't own horses if they can't afford it. I can't find that. My words were



> If one's finanial situation changes, then the number of horses should change. Breeding can be costly. If one can't afford an emergency, it's irrepsonsible to breed.


 That's saying cut numbers or don't add if the money isn't there. 
I follow God's nudging to know where/when to donate. Just need to slow down to listen to what He's trying to tell me.


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## Riverrose28 (Oct 8, 2011)

This thread had me doing some thinking, my first post was a bit harsh, and I woke up that night I posted it and couldn't get it out of my mind. I must say that if the people I donated to were in need at the time of the donation, doesn't mean that some were along the way things improved to the point that they could afford to attend the National Show or Worlds, still it hurt me to think they had the money to go and I didn't. It also got me to thinking of the lady that lives next door. she is in the military and lives alone. Yet she sometimes cuts the grass on my commercial property since it borders hers, and I had yet to say thank you. So today I said Thank You and took her some homemade blackberry jam. I feel so much better getting this off of my chest.


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## CharlesFamily (Oct 8, 2011)

Castle Rock Miniatures said:


> I just finished reading all of this thread, and there are so many comments here I agree with -- too many to list. But I must say, I am always upset with people who say "if you can't afford to ______ or _______. then you shouldn't have horses." Frankly, I pray for those people to never experience what some people are going through. Their ignorance of "hard times" just makes me feel sorry for them, and I pray they never experience true "need."
> 
> .



Thank you for saying this. We lost our gelding, Jinx, tonight and I am just heartbroken. I am still reeling, and we still do not know what exactly happened. Started with colic symptoms, but with banamine and care did not get better so I called the vet. Long story short, she heard a loud heart murmur - one that had not been there previously. We can't find the cause for it - something happened to drop his blood volume. It presents like red maple toxicity - but there are no red maples around, in or near the pasture he was in yesterday - and after 30 years of having horses on this property I still can't figure out what happened. She gave me the option of referring him to OSU - but I cannot put my family into the financial hardship it would have taken to make him better. We tried everything we could here at home and then made the decision to end his pain. I have been a lifelong horse owner - and have been very blessed that I have never had to make this decision before. I loved that horse and he was cared for very well - never lacked for anything. We are not on "hard times" but I won't do something that in the end, could put us there. I just will not put my family in financial hardship to do something that the vet wasn't even sure would have saved him in the end. If that makes me a terrible person, then I must be. But I have to believe that there are some on this forum that would feel they had to make the same decision, too. And, no, it is NOT the easy decision. I was second-guessing and hating having to do this up until the end.

Barbara


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## Riverrose28 (Oct 8, 2011)

Dear Charles Family, sorry I don't know your name, My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry for your lose. I've been in your shoes and you are not alone. In 2008 my vet referred one of my precious mares to an out of state hosp for treatment, I couldn't even afford to walk in the the door, cost would have been over $2000 just to get her in. I had to put her down, broke my heart.

I know your heart is breaking right now, and not even time will take away the grief entirely, but you must think of your family first and the ones you still need to care for. I hope you can find some solice in my words and maybe the words of others, that you are not alone. Bless you in your time of grief.


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## barnbum (Oct 8, 2011)

CharlesFamily said:


> Thank you for saying this. We lost our gelding, Jinx, tonight and I am just heartbroken. I am still reeling, and we still do not know what exactly happened. Started with colic symptoms, but with banamine and care did not get better so I called the vet. Long story short, she heard a loud heart murmur - one that had not been there previously. We can't find the cause for it - something happened to drop his blood volume. It presents like red maple toxicity - but there are no red maples around, in or near the pasture he was in yesterday - and after 30 years of having horses on this property I still can't figure out what happened. She gave me the option of referring him to OSU - but I cannot put my family into the financial hardship it would have taken to make him better. We tried everything we could here at home and then made the decision to end his pain. I have been a lifelong horse owner - and have been very blessed that I have never had to make this decision before. I loved that horse and he was cared for very well - never lacked for anything. We are not on "hard times" but I won't do something that in the end, could put us there. I just will not put my family in financial hardship to do something that the vet wasn't even sure would have saved him in the end. If that makes me a terrible person, then I must be. But I have to believe that there are some on this forum that would feel they had to make the same decision, too. And, no, it is NOT the easy decision. I was second-guessing and hating having to do this up until the end.
> 
> Barbara


Oh gosh--I'm so sorry. HUGS. I feel I would have made the same decision. Horses are not always a family affair and that has to be taken into consideration when making a decision to spend $1000s upon $1000s to save a horse, even if it is possible. This, to me, is not the same issue as adding expenses when the money isn't there.

Here's to your heart healing and for sweet memories to blossom. HUGS (again).


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## minimomNC (Oct 8, 2011)

I would say about now that anyone that ever took help when things were tough, now wish they had just lost everything instead of having people think they are losers or should have faced their own problems by themselves. We now know that if you have tragedy in your life, you must first get rid of all of your horses, that will take care of it all. And you should never accept help from anyone cause if your an adult, you should fix it yourself. I guess this will make sure that everyone keeps their problems to themselves now. I would say you all got your point across very well.

OH, Thank you.


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## Jill (Oct 8, 2011)

Barbara, I am so so sorry to read about Jinx!!! He was a beautiful and special boy. My thoughts go out to you and your family.


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## REO (Oct 8, 2011)

I hear you Karen! Ditto.

Barbara, like I said in my PM, I'm so very sorry you lost Jinx.


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## StarRidgeAcres (Oct 8, 2011)

Barbara, I'm so sorry about Jinx. He was beautiful and obviously very special to you. Hugs.


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## Charley (Oct 8, 2011)

Barbara, I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Jinx. I always read your posts about him....thanks for sharing him with us. (((Hugs)))


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## CharlesFamily (Oct 8, 2011)

Thank you all for your kind words. My oldest daughter (Jinx's true owner) was not here today as she had gone to King's Island to celebrate her birthday with her grandmother. She does not know what has happened yet, and I am dreading telling her. I am sorry for taking this thread around from the original intention. But thank you for giving me a chance to share as it somewhat related to another post. I didn't want to create a post on its own about Jinx in the main forum as I just didn't feel up to it. I know Jinx's former owner, Sheryl Stewart, of Irish Hills Farm is mourning tonight, too. I called to let her know what was going on. I just want to publicly thank her for giving us the time we did have with Jinx. He was a very special boy.

Barbara


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## Mona (Oct 8, 2011)

Oh Barbara, my heart breaks for you and your family over the loss of Jinx. (((HUGS))) to all.


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## Lizzie (Oct 8, 2011)

I did not know your boy, but do know he was dearly loved. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Lizzie


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## barnbum (Oct 9, 2011)

Castle Rock Miniatures said:


> I love my animals -- each and every one -- but I believe good stewardship means you don't place any animal above your family's needs. I believe we are put here to watch over and care for our animals -- but they are animals, not people. I believe family must always come first -- and I would do nothing to take food/shelter/etc., away from my human family to spend thousands on an animal.
> 
> So, I understand and support your decision, and pray for healing for your loss.


That was so nicely worded. Perfect.





I had a horse all through high school. Every Christmas the only gift I longed for was the envelope in the tree with a note inside that read "One year's supply of horse food." I sold that wonderful mare in order to move away to attend college (my father said if I lived at home and attended the community college I could keep her--but leaving was a priority). From the moment I graduated with my Bachelors I longed to own a a horse again. I kept my saddle, bridle, bareback pad...and oiled them every year, just waiting for the time when owning a horse was doable.

When Mark and I became more serious, I warned (right word!) him that I needed a horse some day and needed to live in the country. He loved the idea. I had earned a Masters degree and had more expenses from that. In 1984 we bought this house--with a HUGE barn. I could feel the horse getting closer. But, we were broke from putting everything we had on this place... then refinanced a few years later... then kids came and I wanted to be home with them for several years... then we had to catch up from me being home... then spending on kids and their activities... and basic living.... then finally we felt it was time--that we could spend on the luxury of buying and feeding one horse. My daughter was 12 by then, so it was fun to share it with her. There's a whole 'nother story about how we went from one big one to minis.

I went without horses from 1978-2001 because of my situation/decisions/priorities, but for most of those years it was because there was not the extra money to spend on what I considered a luxury. I remember in 1991 almost getting a mare--her name was Kristika. She was a reasonably priced and I even told the owners we'd take her. Then reality dawned again and I realized feeding her would be a strain. Hay was $5 bale that year. It was a hard call to make to say I wouldn't be taking her afterall. Now there's no debt, and we're helping kids with college loans so they can have the same start we did.

So-we walk the responsible talk and feel many need to wait until their financial situation justifies horse ownership in order to avoid the money challenges that arise. Dogs and cats have always been here, but we all know the price tag for them is, under most circumstances, considerably lower.

And I 100% agree with Castle Rock--there's a limit to what we would spend on an animal--money in the bank or not. Buddy--the free rescued puppy cost us $1000 in his first three weeks here--but it was never a question whether we'd spend it or not. He deserved that chance and it paid off.

Eh--enough on that. Just trying to give more background to my thoughts. Even this is off the OP topic.


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## Leeana (Oct 9, 2011)

I am so sorry Barbara, I seen Jinx a couple times in person


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## targetsmom (Oct 11, 2011)

Barbara- I am so sorry to read that you lost Jinx. I certainly know that feeling, and sometimes all the money in the world isn't going to save them, so really, you do what you have to do. I have had three horses with serious colics: the first time it happened, to an older Arab, I made the same tough decision you just made. But that also made me realize that it could happen again, and if it did I needed to be ready. For each horse, I make the decision whether or under what circumstances they will go to the hospital for possible surgery. Making the decision in advance saves you the gut-wrenching choices when the vet is there and you are faced with a crisis. The next 3 times (2 different horses) I did have the surgery, and still lost one of them (Max). The other has had 2 surgeries and is still hanging around at age 25; he doesn't get another one.


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