# Why O why??



## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jun 20, 2007)

Ok I really need to vent so those of you who are listening I need your help and support...This is very tough for me to deal with but I really need some support as of right now I feel like the whole world has turned its back on me. I'm not seeking pity or anything I just feel like poo....

Today was the perfect day, nice weather, got all the bills paid and everything...As I was walking out the door today. My hubby tells me he wants a divorce, the only thing that wasnt there were the papers. I am 5 months pregnant I don't know what would have made him say that but he sure as heck did.

AND on top of that he said I should put our baby up for adoption...What the HECK???

I didn't have time to get an explaination out of him or anything though since I was walking out there door. But I cried all the way there and most of the time I was there. I feel like the man upstairs has turned his back on me. I love my husband with all my hurt and I would have never thought he would have ever said any of this to me. We have never had any problems or anything. Not to mention us starting a family of our was what we have been wanting. I don't think there was anything that could have made us happier. Now I feel like he doesn't care or anything. Let alone the baby!! I am so hurt right now...I think at this point I just want to cry all night long and everything. I just want this feeling to go away.

Sorry if I am whining...I am just so scared right now...I don't want to give up my baby or minis. I have worked too hard to get where I am...


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## crponies (Jun 20, 2007)

I'm so sorry your husband has decided to do this for whatever reason. :no: I cannot imagine how scared and hurt you feel right now but we are here to listen to you whenever you need to vent! Please know that just because your husband is doing these things, God has not turned His back on you. "Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you." He is there for you no matter what happens and will work all things together for good to those who love Him. No, all things are not good, but they will all work together for good in the end. Don't be afraid to cry either, you have every right to cry! No matter what is to come, God is there and your forum family will be here for you too. (((hugs)))


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## Jenn (Jun 20, 2007)

Go back there and smack that man upside the head! Then tell him you're scared, too, but that you're in this together, that you'll work together to raise the baby and you'll take it all as it comes.

A lot of men are terrified at the prospect of fatherhood - all the responsibility, expenses, and the official end of their freedom as they know it. Not to mention the thought of labor and birth ...

TALK to the man - don't bring it here until you've talked it through with him. In a way I think the internet is doing a disservice to marriages everywhere, giving people a place to vent about their marriages instead of trying to work through the problems with their spouses.

I bet you'll be surprised if you sit down and talk to him and find the root of his issues. He might even be surprised himself.


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jun 20, 2007)

I could only hope that he will listen to me....If I talk...I mean he never seems to listen..We have tried counseling together because he wouldnt talk to me and I just don't know what else to do...

Edited to add: I wish I could give him a reality smack in the face. I know we should be in this together but I don't know how he thinks he's going to get out of it...I totally agree Jenn that talking is the best cure but I don't think I was going to get any sleep if I didn't say anything..


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## hrselady (Jun 20, 2007)

I have no comforting words.. other than we are here to listen and help in any way we can. I am soooo sorry this happened to you. I pray its just he's scared. Its hard for some to deal with becoming parents.. its such a bigggg role!! There are not many men out there that really know how to show or talk about how they are feeling or why. You are in my prayers and in my thoughts!!!




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## jdhand (Jun 20, 2007)

Well I can relate to Why O Why? My husband died on Monday morning and he has been sick for 2 months in the hospital. Its a long story. Anyway he had gotten better and we were supposed to come home on Monday. I was so excited and had gotten everything at home ready for us and Friday morning it all changed. He took a turn for the worst. I just couldn't understand because he had pulled through some really big deal sickness and was doing great. Remember God always knows what he is doing. He will carry you if you will let him. I will pray for you. About the baby all I can tell you is children are wonderful. My two have been my rock through all of this. They are 26 and 21 and I have a son in law also. You will love that baby and it will love you back. Everything will be fine. Just put God first in all of it. Follow his direction and you will get through all of this. You will grow as a person.


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## Jill (Jun 20, 2007)

I don't know what to say or advise, but I am hoping that today is better and that everything is better today.


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## Steph_D (Jun 20, 2007)

I've never been in that situation before so I don't know how I'd react. I just want to tell you to not give up on God



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{{{{Hugs}}}}


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## Soggy Bottom Ranch (Jun 20, 2007)

I am so sorry you are going through this very difficult time.


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## Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis (Jun 20, 2007)

I am sorry and hope you can work everything out.

All I do know is that when I was pregnant with my first and suddenly on my own I thought my world had just come to an end. now almost 18 years later my daughter(and really one of my best friends) with a 3.8 GPA all thru school is getting ready to head off to college- it has been a bumpy ride especially since we moved and are no where near any family- but it has also along with challenging been wonderful and to be perfectly honest looking back now I would not have wanted to get thru those 18 years any other way then how we did it made us stronger and closer and really in the end knowing now what I didnt know then it all worked out exactly as it should have.

Hang in there and perhaps he is just going thru the baby panic- but stay focused on a healthy baby and the rest will fall into place the right place even if it doesnt appear to at the moment.


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## Mona (Jun 20, 2007)

I am so very sorry. I am stuck without words. I can feel your pain, and I feel so very terrible for you to be in this position. I hope this will all work out for you, but if not, I am glad you know you have "friends" here with whom you can share your feelings with, as it is no good trying to hold it all in. At least you can get it off your chest, and not try to hold it all in. (((((HUGS)))

And hugs also to jdhand....I was literally in tears reading your reply to this post. You too have lost so much, but yet still found the time and the comforting words...it really touched me to read your response. May you both find the comfort you need.


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## Cathy_H (Jun 20, 2007)

I am also sorry. What a shocker especially if there were no previous clues. Sit down & find out why he wants a divorce. Seek advice / counseling & find out if this can be worked through. I know you don't want to give up your horses but you have more important priorities now. The probability of raising a child on your own is going to be a full time job............... Start thinking about selling, leasing or putting your horses into good temporary homes. Best of luck to you and the child you are about to bring into this world.


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## FoRebel (Jun 20, 2007)

Try sitting down and talking to him. Find out why he feels like divorce and adoption are the only answers. Listen. Don't yell or get hot headed. Explain calmly how you feel to him also.

You don't have to get rid of your horses or place them in new homes. There's a balance that can be created to give them the time and attention that they need too. I went through a divorce and was a single parent for 2 yrs with my son (my ex-husband doesn't want anything to do with my son) and I always had time to spend with the horses and care for them too. I just took my son with me to the barn with me. I wouldn't have been very happy without my horses because being with them is my relaxation time.

Things will work out if you are rational about them. ((((HUGS)))) Sounds like your husband is probably getting cold feet about the new baby and everything concerning and surrounding that. Just talk to him... You'll make it through this!



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## Marty (Jun 20, 2007)

I honestly think that some men get pregnant too.........and manage to turn their own worlds inside out from fear and worry and new responsibility.

I have no words of wisdom other than to be careful of your health and the stress you are going through.

Your baby is priceless and baby's health and your's must come first.

PS: I do love Jenn's advice and if I were there, I'd be more than happy to smack him upside the head for you.


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## AppyLover2 (Jun 20, 2007)

It sounds like your world is pretty well turned upside-down right now and I'm sure you're having all kinds of doubts. I truely hope your husband doesn't follow through with what he said.

That said, if you do end up divorced and pregnant it isn't the end of the world. It may not be what you want but it IS something you can handle. Thousands of women have been there and found their way. YOU WILL TOO!! Keep your chin up!!


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## Reble (Jun 20, 2007)

Thinking of you in your time of need



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Take care of yourself and that precious gift



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If you need someone to talk with, do not hesitate to email: [email protected]


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## Just Us N Texas (Jun 20, 2007)

Well, for you I am hoping that he was just feeling scared, and he felt the need to communicate, didn't know quite how to go about it, and said what he did for "shock value." Try sitting down with hiim and have a rational conversation about why he said what he did, and why he said it when you were walking out the door, and didn't have the time for explanations. I am no psychiatrist or psychologist, but I feel that he is feeling scared and possibly neglected right now! Really, men are strange creatures, and we have to remember that.

Whatever does happen, you have within you a gift from God, so take good care of you, so that Gift will thrive, be healthy and happy. My children have been the most complicated, hard, frustrating, and yet the truest and happiest blessings in my life.


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## xtrememiniluv (Jun 20, 2007)

Ohhh Kourtney

I am so sorry to read this post. I just PM'd you today feel free to email me if you need to chat.

Eric and I went through this too, although we're not married he "threatened" to leave me. We went through numerous arguements before we talked enough to get everything settled.

Basically our arguements stemmed from my intense pregnancy emotions (which drove me and him NUTS!!) and his anxiety about having a baby. It is very scary for the men too, especially once they see us getting round and then feeling that baby kick. Reality starts to set in. Hang in there, he'll come around.

You need to be positive and keep yourself calmed down. I know it's hard, but think about your baby first.

If he does decide to leave you, don't worry there are pleanty of single moms with horses, you can do it. I know it is scary to think about (I was there) but relax and have some confidence in yourself.

**Us horse women, we're independent and don't need no man!!!**

Hang in there...things always have a way of working out...it's called fate

Sarah


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## MeadowRidge Farm (Jun 20, 2007)

I am so sorry to hear you have to go thru this. Please take care of yourself and that special little bundle. Stress can do so much to a person physically and emotionally. I agree with Marty, I could smack him a good one for you too. It does sound like he is getting cold feet about everything, I would sit his butt down and have a good heart to heart talk with him. Alot of times, it seems like hubbys are not listening to us, but ~~once its said, they do think about it and come to rationalize about things in a much clearer view. Good Luck, and if you need to talk you can always email me. (((hugs))) . Corinne


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## nootka (Jun 20, 2007)

I am sorry and no matter what, please find some support for yourself. You are going through a very stressful time...

(((hugs)))

Liz M.


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## Miniv (Jun 20, 2007)

Your post just about knocked me off my chair!!!!

PLEASE RE-READ JENN'S POST ON PAGE ONE. AND THEN READ MARTY'S POST.

Those two posts add up to mine.........

Sit down and let HIM talk FIRST. LISTEN. Make sure he knows that YOU ARE SCARED TOO. But dumping eachother and the baby is NOT going to solve anything.

Your hubby is not thinking clearly right now or he'd realize that splitting up would open up a huge can of worms. Obviously he's not been communicating with you, but that can change between you any time -- and NOW would be a good time.

One thing I will add to what both Jenn and Marty said..........Make sure he knows you are keeping the baby and that you will NOT walk away from your marriage without some sort of counseling. Trust me, counseling (with the right counseler/therapist) does help.........Speaking from 30 years of marriage to a very interesting man who keeps me on my toes daily -- LOL!)

Hang in there, my dear...........One way or another you WILL get through this. And if you are focussed on the fact that your CHILD is now your PRIORITY, all will be okay.

MA


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## ClickMini (Jun 20, 2007)

Oh Kourtney! You must feel so alone! Having moved to this area just a few short months ago, I am sure you have not made a lot of friends yet...I suggest you contact the chaplain at the first opportunity...

I am so sorry, girl! Sending huge hugs your way. If you can get home to your parents (where do they live???) for a short period I am sure it will help you feel better. I know your folks are probably beside themselves with worry as well.

Why are men such doofuses sometimes??? For heck sake!


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## zoey829 (Jun 20, 2007)

I am so sorry. Do whats right for the baby. It will work out it might just take alittle longer.


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jun 20, 2007)

Let's see as much as I wish I could have an update right now I don't.




The hubby worked late late night and didn't get off til 8 am this morning. So sadly he's sleeping. Not to mention, I would rahter him be wide awake when I do talk to him anyways. This morning he did crawl in the bed and cuddle with me. Which to me is good. I am going to be contacting the chaplian today to set up some meetings with him. My jobs are soo understanding that they are giving me some time off...Which I am hoping he will be able to spend some time with me.

I, too, believe if there is a will there's a way. I have no intentions of leaving him or getting rid of the baby. Thats just nuts. I have been talking with the FRG group over here and it turns out there has been word of a possible deployment between Feb- September of 2008. I know that's no excuse for a divorce or adoption and I truly hope that hes just scared. I know I am scared too but I have no doubts about any of this. WE planned on having a baby. And it happened just that way. But I think maybe reality is hitting him....

We were at the zoo this past weekend and he said to me I really don't want to go over there and miss all the GOOD things about the baby....I.E. taking first steps, saying its first word, etc. So maybe I am thinking he doesnt want to have to stress about us while he is over there if he's there.

Clickmini......I wish I could go and stay awhile with my mom..But she's in Colorado right now...And my dad is in the Army on duty orders to Wisconsin deploying a unit to IRAQ...And I don't think I could handle staying with my stepmom...

Marty...I would sure as heck let ya smack him...



(((HUGS)))

jd....(((HUGS))) I am really sorry to hear about your hubby...As the Bible says....."This too shall pass"

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all to vent to. I know the baby is my number one priority and that I have to take care of myself. I am doing just that. I am not stressing too bad but I can deal with this reasonably. I know right now I work 2 jobs, they are both part time so I don't work veyr much at all. Most of the time I only work a couple hours a day like 2-3 times a week. Just enough to get me some socialization....I don't think I could ever part with my lil ones. Thank goodness I only have my 2. I went out and saw them this morning and when they look at me I just melt like that ice cream cone on a hot summer day. I have worked so hard with them. Too let them go would be even more painful. I have had my mare for almost 6 years and she has helped me with alot of things...I.e. my parents divorce, my dad and stepmoms miscarriage and a ton of other things. And my lil boy Blue that was my Christmas presrnt last year from my husband...So he has lots of sentimental value to me. I know he loves my hubby more but oh well. But my hubby does so much with the horses. He grooms them and feeds them...heck three days ago he was jumping Millie around the course..So I know how a truly wonderful man who supports me in alot of things....

::SIGHS:: But I guess its cold feet..We shall find out...

Thanks everyone....

(((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))


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## PaintedPromiseRanch (Jun 20, 2007)

hang in there girl!! lots of good advice above so i won't repeat... just tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! although it was my idea, not his, because of emotional and verbal abuse that was branching into physical, i divorced my husband while i was pregnant with my youngest... i also had a 1-year-old and a 7-year-old. no horses back then but even being a single parent with 3 kids, when my oldest who had been saving her birthday money since she was TWO came to me and said i have enough for a horse now mom... well, with a dream that strong, how could i say no? life can be very strange sometimes and i sincerely hope that it is just being scared with your husband, but even if he goes through with it, your life can be full of joy and very rewarding. no matter what he does, although it will impact your life, it is YOUR attitude that will govern the way your life goes. so best of luck to you and you will find lots of support here!


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## MyBarakah (Jun 21, 2007)

Hi! I am sorry you are having to go threw such a ordeal! If he knew how much stress he is putting on you & the baby!

I don't know your or situation....but I was married to a real jerk to put it very mildlY! He drank a TON and was extremly verbally abusieve.... he was say INSAIN things that made NO sense at all! He would ALWAYS threaten divorce (I never did, becasue when I ever said it... I would MEAN it!)...... but his deal was a HUGE control thing.... he wanted me to feel like total crap and that would some how make him feel better, more of a Man! He felt in control that way!

Most the time I didn't take it person (took a few years though to learn NOT to take it personal though!)........

But I am just woundering if your hubby isn't being a bit like my X was? Maybe not.....

But what ever it is.... YOU need to know..... It's NOT you..... It's HIM~! And you need to be thinking about how YOU are going to care for that baby and even though he may be there and stay with you......You need to know you can take care of yourself and DO NOT need anyone else to relie on! You need to be prepared to do that......."just in case" he ever does go threw with his threat!

ANd the next time he wiggs out on you and says he wants a divorce or something like that...... (this is THEE hardest thing to do)........but Don't REACT to him...... I would always say.... Well...... if that will make you happy! Because I knew inside that if he really wanted a divorce...he'd be in trouble with oweing me money for settlement and stuff!

I could just go on and on! I learned SOOOOOOOO much out of that marriage...... One.... I will NEVER put me or my kids threw that or in that position again..... and #2..... Is that I can make it on my own... It is very difficult at times raising 2 boys on my own.... They always are trying me and testing thier limits.... and where I work full time and with my minis and stuff..... sometimes there just isn't enough of me left..... so it's very challenging..... But would NEVER go back to the situation I was in...... NEVER NEVER!!!!!!!!!!

I have my SELF WORTH!!!!!!!!!! Being in control of my own person is the most satisfying thing ever!!!!!! And I am SOOOOOOOO grateful for EVERY little thing I have and do!!

SO please do NOT let him drag you down!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to be strong and FIGHT for your child and yourself! He needs to be "respectful" to yoU! And to see a counsolr would help! Mine would never go... only until "AFTER" the divorce...... he say's I tried/wanted to see a consuler.....

I'm like ok.... yeah.......what ever.... no need to get into with him.... It's done over with! Will NOT go back!!! Only to MOVE forward!!!!!!!!!!! That's allllllssssssooooooo WHY i AM sooooooo GOAL ORIENTED and have SOOOOOOO much drive to succed with doing well with the minis and having GREAT mini horses! I need that FOR ME!!!!! That's WHO I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST OF LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chin up! WE are ALLLLLLLLL here for yOU!



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## PaintedPromiseRanch (Jun 21, 2007)

MyBarakah said:


> I don't know your or situation....but I was married to a real jerk to put it very mildlY! He drank a TON and was extremly verbally abusieve.... he was say INSAIN things that made NO sense at all! He would ALWAYS threaten divorce (I never did, becasue when I ever said it... I would MEAN it!)...... but his deal was a HUGE control thing.... he wanted me to feel like total crap and that would some how make him feel better, more of a Man! He felt in control that way!
> 
> 
> I could just go on and on! I learned SOOOOOOOO much out of that marriage...... One.... I will NEVER put me or my kids threw that or in that position again..... and #2..... Is that I can make it on my own... It is very difficult at times raising 2 boys on my own.... They always are trying me and testing thier limits.... and where I work full time and with my minis and stuff..... sometimes there just isn't enough of me left..... so it's very challenging..... But would NEVER go back to the situation I was in...... NEVER NEVER!!!!!!!!!!
> ...




OMG your ex sounds like both of mine put together! and i totally agree with your lessons learned!!!


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jun 21, 2007)

Today did go better than expected but I am still not to the root of this problem I would say... We did mention going to counseling together so that way he wouldn't I was the inferior one...Thanks for all the support guys...I really appreciate it more than words could put it...


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## HGFarm (Jun 21, 2007)

Oh my gosh- that is awful! Yep, time for a BIG heart to heart talk about things.... and what does he see in the future vs. what you see. Divorce is never fun, no matter what the circumstances. I hope things do work out for the best, and what may not seem the best at the time, you will look back on differently later.

Keep your chin up, and be strong. What a horrible shock, but he needs to sit down and be honest with you NOW.


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## whiskeyranch (Jun 21, 2007)

Don't want to sound negative, but here's my two cents. I've been thinking on this for a few days.

My husband and I got pregnant on purpose. when I was 8 wks. he said he didn't want me or the baby. He left. Didn't see him again until I was 81/2 months. I was young and dumb and let him back.

And oh yeah, he would cuddle with me. I got pregnant 10 months later with our 2nd while on birth control pills.

Needless to say, we divorced when my 2 where 1 1/2 and 3.

They are now 15 and 14 and we haven't heard from him in 3 yrs. He owes us over $30,000 and we are in the process of terminating his rights.

I wasted 7 years on a man who is a total loser, made me feel like one, and drug me so far down that it has taken many years and a wonderful husband of 5 yrs. to make me learn my own worth.

I'm not saying this is the case with yours, but please keep off the rose colored glasses. You and your baby deserve a wonderful life, with someone who would never say things like yours (or my ex) has.

How dare he let his insecurity ruin your happy time.

I wish you and yours the best.



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## RainSong (Jun 22, 2007)

Not to be rude, but my goodness has this post made me thank my lucky stars. Dave never once in our time together has mentioned divorce or seperation of any sort. This truck-driving is the closest we've come, and it's SO HARD on him and I! He was so thrilled while I was pregnant!

On the other hand, it does give me insight (sort of?) into my real father's potential reasons for leaving. He left when I was only like... 3 months old and my brother was around 2 years old. I had a lot of health issues, was born preemie (2months and 1 week early), etc... I long since gave over any anger against him for leaving, but honestly, it's nice to understand a potential reason for things.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It would scare the holy living daylights out of me if Dave ever uttered the words "I want a divorce", more so now then ever because of Nathan. I pray you and your hubby can work things out, and that it's only a "glitch on the radar" so to speak, and not the mountain it could be. One of life's speed bumps?


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## MBhorses (Jun 22, 2007)

:no: So sorry to hear about your husband wanting to leave. Remember you and your baby come first. I will be praying for you all. If there is a will there is a way. If for some reason your husband don't change his mind, then I have always said everything happens for a reason(we don't know what those reasons are good or bad)Your family and friends will be there for you no matter what happens.Hang in there Girl.We are pulling for you.


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jun 22, 2007)

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers....

Quick update though....Next week we are off to see the post chaplian, so that way we can talk with someone whose unbiased. I think things are going to work out though, like all has said where theres a will there's a wheel. I will keep everyone posted though. Thanks for thinking about us.


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## SweetOpal (Jun 24, 2007)

Kourtney,

You are the sweetest thing ever, hang in their girl. Marriages have thier ups and downs, it is always easy to walk away, staying is the hard part. My husband told me once when we were first married that you only focus on the good years, so if you are married 7 years 3 are good and 4 are terrible, only focus on the 3 good. We are coming up to our 14th anniversary this summer and it hans't always been smooth sailing, but we have by far had more good than bad years.

Jess and I will keep you in our prayers, you will get through this.

Jennifer


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## Valerie (Jun 24, 2007)

Kourtney.....

Good luck, I am so happy to hear you both are going to seek some counseling.....because I work so close to Ft. Lewis, I work with a lot of military wives, and I see the extreme amount of pressure they are all under, with their husbands in Iraq or about to be shipped off overseas, etc, etc.

I know that this forum is great for venting, but you might also want to consider a group of military wives, their must be support groups? Just a thought.....hope I am not over-stepping my boundarys.

I am sure your husband is scared, just as you are, you guys just moved across the country and are still trying to adjust I am sure and then new pregancy, the list goes on I am sure.

Remember, I am not too far away from you and I have great ears for listening........just remember to take care of yourself and your baby......you have to come first.



:

Thinking of you guys and hoping for the best!


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## Watcheye (Jun 24, 2007)

My dad left my mom when I was 5 years old. We had horses. She then ended up in an abusive relationship which we ran away from... with the horses. One day while he was at work we packed up everything and moved out of state. The last man took all of her money... we kept our horses and I thank God we did. They got us through some VERY TOUGH times and helped a GREAT deal shape me into the person I am. When the going got tough mom made it work. She is an incredible woman and I love her. I am not sure as I do not know you guys but reading that post really upset me. How dare he just try to drop all of this and do what is convinient for him! I hope it works out and you get what is best for you and your baby (and your minis as well as they too are part of your family). I have found Dr. Phils books to be very good reads. By no means should you count on just them but they may have some good points for you if you get a chance. Be well and I am truely sorry. Your Lil Begginings friends are here for you.


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jul 1, 2007)

Sorry I haven't been on this too much lately. I have been super busy working and everything. This past week was really odd. Josh made an appointment for counseling this past week but never showed up. I did but he didn't. I am not giving up but I was bummed out. We have made a huge effort in talking everything over. Its tough for him but so far its actually working. I would say. He's actually stopped yelling at me for no reason and cooked dinner this evening. Something he never really does.

Jennifer- Thank you so much for your kind words and inspiration. It truly does mean a whole lot to me. It sure would be nice to see you and the kids again.





Valerie- You have no idea...I am so exhausted it seems like. We should go out to lunch someday and finally meet. Thanks for everything. You have been a great help and form of support since we prior to us ever even getting up here to WA.

Watcheye-Thanks so much for shining some light on me. My 2 furkids are the best and I don't know what I would do without them. I think I might have to find some of those books and check them out. I love to read. But however I have to say Millie, my mare, helped me shape me into the person I am today. Otherwise I think I would have given up a long time ago. Men have their days though and so do we. I just don't believe he thought he could just drop it all either. He has a different mindset at the moment. Hopefully that will stay that way. Not sure if he's coming to the appt. yet but we find out.


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## AppyLover2 (Jul 1, 2007)

If he won't go to counseling there's nothing you can do about it; but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go anyway. Get help for yourself even if he won't cooperate in getting help for both of you.


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## PaintedPromiseRanch (Jul 1, 2007)

Kourtney i was just thinking about you and here this thread opos back up! you have gotten some good advice here... and from experience i can tell you, please, DO get yourself counseling even if Josh won't go... my first ex refused counseling, said i was the one with the problem, if i wouldn't get mad there wouldn't be a problem. well i didn't think so but, when the second ex said the same thing, i thought ok, maybe there is something wrong with me, so i went. next thing you know he is threatening to sue the counseling center for brainwashing me because they told me my expectations were NOT unreasonable and his behavior WAS wrong... 

i found out the only thing wrong with me was i was NOT good at picking men :no: so, eventually i quit! and next thing you know a good man found me...

anyway a military wives group would be good too, learned that also from my mom AND myself, it doesn't change your situation but somehow it makes it easier to know you are not the only one going through it... and human nature being what it is, it is an eye-opener for us to meet people who actually have it worse, helps to put things into perspective!!!

God bless you Kourtney and hang in there, you always have us on the forum and you know you can cry on those little fuzzy shoulders (minis) - i do it all the time, they are my sanity...


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jul 1, 2007)

Thanks so much Donna and Susan for thinking of me. I have enrolled in a intense therapy that my stepmother goes through so I am hoping that will work. I plan to continue trying though. Hope is not lost yet but I will say it is fading. Keep thinking about me and I will keep you all posted as things change.


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## ClickMini (Jul 2, 2007)

Hi Kourtney, I came over here to the back porch to see if you were doing better. I am still hopeful that things will work out in a positive way for you, no matter which way things go. Sending you strength and big hugs.

There is a mini show in Spanaway this coming weekend, very close to where you live. You should come and watch for a while, even if you can't make it with your horses. It might lift your spirits a bit!


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jul 2, 2007)

Oh Amy, things are getting better little by little it seems. Josh actually made it to the appointment today even though he had to work the night shift at the jail. But he didn't complain. That's for sure so I am happy.

I plan to make it out this weekend out to Spanaway. I really wanted to bring the horses but oh well. I have high hopes that I should be able to show at the Oregon State Fair. I am pretty sure I am going to make it. Hubby's bday is Friday so he has to work so over the weekend I know I have to do something with him. Hehe


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## HGFarm (Jul 2, 2007)

Oh boy Susan, your X sounds just like mine!! He didnt need councelling because he was perfect, I was the one who had all the problems! (just ask him, he'll tell you) So that was a dead end. There were so many issues, most of which I could not fix. They were beyond anything I could change (alchoholism and other issues). Ha, the first time I met him he was drunk. That should have been a hint.

Hang in there, but you need to think of you, and your self esteem and all and what YOU want in life too. Do not settle for the back seat, or second best. You deserve happiness as much as the next person, and marriage is SUPPOSED to be a partnership, not one bossing over the other, or treating one like a servant, etc.... Talking things out, coming to an agreement and then really following through is the big thing. If someone agrees and says, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then things STILL dont change- it's going to go nowhere.


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jul 4, 2007)

I agree HGFarm.....I can say today and yesterday have been good days for us. He's done alot of talking and opening up that's for sure. He went to the doc with me yesterday




....I was happy. He was even asking the doctor questions like things I shouldn't be doing and whatnot. My jaw just dropped when he talked with the doc more about me than I did. Makes me happy thats for sure.....


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## ClickMini (Jul 4, 2007)

Sounds like things are going a little better, Kourtney, and I am glad to hear it! See you at the show this weekend, getting packed for it today.


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jul 4, 2007)

How exciting.....I can't wait...I will have to love up on Alladin then. I will be there most of the time I think this weekend since I don't have to work now at my other job. Doc said no more working Dollar Tree so its his word. Now I am free to watch all weekend. I can't wait to see you again.

Thanks everyone for all your help!!


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## zoey829 (Jul 5, 2007)

Just checking in. It sounds like things are getting better. It is a long road the but life is a journey not a destination. Keep us posted.


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## HGFarm (Jul 6, 2007)

Glad to hear things are a bit better- I hope it continues to improve. Maybe he will see that things are not so bad or scary as he thought.... Use this time to talk to each other a LOT about everything..


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## PrestigeMiniHorses (Jul 6, 2007)

We have been doing a wonderful job with talking. Honestly its like he changed over night. Tomorrow he plans on being at the hospital for the ultrasound. So he's getting excited again...And yesterday for the 4th we took our dog to the dog park. Tomorrow is also his birthday but he has to work but plan to go to this place that he's been begging to go to. So I am pretty sure thats what we are doing for that. I will continue to keep everyone posted though...

Thanks for all the support from everyone. I truly don't know what I would do with the kind words and advice you have all given me. Big hugs to everyone!!!


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