# Advice-My husband wants to sell



## mini123 (Apr 18, 2010)

I have been breeding and showing minis for 10 plus yrs. My husband was always by my side. We have had a lot fo fun and met great friends. A few yrs ago we down sized. Just with the economy amd getting older. Well, lately the hosres have been a huge expense. With loosing foals, vet bills and the practicallly giveing the foals away. It has alwyas been a hobby. We never made a dime. But lately is has been bad. Well, my husband said he thinks it is time to sell the rest. He said he is tired and the work load is too much. That the property is taking a beating and he just cant do it any more. It isnt fun. And the last few yrs has has been supportive but doing less. I have been doign more. Which I dont mind. But now he is done.

I am so sad because I dont knwo if I am . I just need advice. This isnt soemthing he just decided he has been saying this for awhile. We only have 8 horses and I am sellind 2. So we dont have a ton. I am so sadd. Any thoughts?????


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## KanoasDestiny (Apr 18, 2010)

Oh, that's so sad.



I guess it depends on what "you" want to do. Is it possible to just cut down to maybe one or two horses and to stop breeding?

My husband knew when we got the horses that I would never get rid of them, even if that meant I had to take on a second job - they are family and have a forever home here. Luckily, we only have the two. I don't think he'd ever get tired of having them, but then again, we don't show or breed, so they really are no bigger of a hassel or expense for us than our dogs are. I hope that you can come up with a solution that will bring peace to both of you.


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## disneyhorse (Apr 18, 2010)

It should always be about compromise. Maybe try cutting back to 3 or 4?

You don't mention if you have an emotional connection with any of them. Obviously we get attached to them ALL but is there one you just couldn't live without? If not, maybe sell them all and see if you enjoy all the free time and money. There are always more horses to buy if you decide you want one again





Good luck, whatever you decide...

Andrea


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## minie812 (Apr 18, 2010)

I understand what your hubby is saying. With my health over the last year or so being what it is I saw my hubby step up to the plate and help but he is also working a full time job and the drive to work is 40 min each way. We did downsize some to half of what we had but it is still alot of work for me. I would suggest you have a heart to heart and maybe cut to a few more if you still want the minis. Do it slow and try to find an even ground with what both can live with...Good Luck


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## mini123 (Apr 18, 2010)

You are right it is about compromise. I think I could cut it down to 4. Two have been with me since I started. I think 4 is a fair number. One is the stallion but I can geld him. It is just I worked so hard. He wants to keep the drving one is any. And he hasnt rode her in over a yr. But if I am down sizing she would be the one to let go to home where someone can drive her.

But like you mentioned it might be better to be done because everything now is turning into a constent fight!!Like I needed help separating my mare and he didnt want them in a section because he wants the grass to grow. Like why are you being so difficult!!!!


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## Frankie (Apr 18, 2010)

I MAY be the wrong one to answer this,,,but feel I should.

Cut down to a work load YOU can handle,,,I'd say 3-4.

Then go get a "for sale" sign, and put it on HIS favorite toy!! You give, he has to give.

Ta-da!! Easy


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## mini123 (Apr 18, 2010)

You know I like the way you think. I feel really good about that. I can handle 3-4 without a problem. ANd his favorite is the 5th so bye bye. I know it is kind of mean but that ist he answer!!! Now I dont need his help and I can afford to hire a hand once in awhile if I need it!



Frankie said:


> I MAY be the wrong one to answer this,,,but feel I should.Cut down to a work load YOU can handle,,,I'd say 3-4.
> 
> Then go get a "for sale" sign, and put it on HIS favorite toy!! You give, he has to give.
> 
> Ta-da!! Easy


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## miniwhinny74 (Apr 19, 2010)

Frankie said:


> I MAY be the wrong one to answer this,,,but feel I should.Cut down to a work load YOU can handle,,,I'd say 3-4.
> 
> Then go get a "for sale" sign, and put it on HIS favorite toy!! You give, he has to give.
> 
> Ta-da!! Easy


You're 100% right: one half of the partnership shouldn't have to do all the compromising. He should have to give something up, too. Period!


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## Littleum (Apr 19, 2010)

miniwhinny74 said:


> Frankie said:
> 
> 
> > I MAY be the wrong one to answer this,,,but feel I should.Cut down to a work load YOU can handle,,,I'd say 3-4.
> ...


Wait, wait.

In her first post his request doesn't seem outlandish. They've had some bad years, lots of bills and few good sales. I think his reasons (while hard to swallow) are actually really fair. Horses are an expensive and labor intensive hobby, often requiring (in the very least) the indulgence of the family around you. I think expecting the husband to continue to go along with the bills, work, time and heartache without question is not fair.

If he's willing to accept her selling off half the horses and going down to 3-4, I think that's actually the fair compromise. Lashing out when he's already negotiated the point isn't fair. Might make someone feel better in the short term because reality stinks, but it's not a good long term solution.

If he's just stonewalling saying "I don't care. NO HORSES" then sure. I'd roll up my sleeves, unless he had some really, really compelling reasons that I was in denial about. (IE: "Honey, we're putting $500 a month on the credit cards just to buy feed because we're so broke!")


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## miniwhinny74 (Apr 19, 2010)

Littleum said:


> miniwhinny74 said:
> 
> 
> > Frankie said:
> ...


Littleum, I'm sorry I didn't make it more clear: I quoted Frankie because I agree with her idea to cut down on the NUMBER of horses, but not neccessarily to sell them all. If the horses mean so much to her, he shouldn't expect her to get rid of them all (unless, of course, they just can't afford to keep any.) Yes, horses are expensive, but hopefully they can find it in their means to at least keep a couple. That way, expenses are reduced but she can still keep and love her favorites.

No relationship will work if one partner feels like they are the one doing all of the sacrificing. Trust me. I know. I've been there.


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## Katiean (Apr 20, 2010)

I have 4. My problem is I also have 3 on the way. I think by fall I am going to geld Dusty because I don't want any more foals and Jessie doesn't want to sell him. She understands we have to sell ALL of the foals. At times I get overwhelmed at doing everything myself. I think if I had a nice place it would make it so much easier. But I think I need to tell you about a friend of mine that I showed rabbits with.

We showed the same breed and she had a custom barn that her husband took care of everything for her. Between her barn and ours we were both at the top of our game. Best of Breeds, Best in Shows. We were both very good. Her husband was disabled with back pain. She had something like 250 head of Breeding and show rabbits and that can be a full time job to start with. Her husband got worse and they went from 250 head down to about 50 head or less. They went for several months like that and found out that hubby was going into a wheel chair. She had worked hard and become a registrar. But the herd had to go and so did the farm. She sold out the rest of her herd and all of the equipment and sold the farm and moved to a condo. The last time I talked to her she had gotten a few stacking cages and was raising just a few (as many as she could handle) in her garage. I guess what I am trying to say is if you are not ready to get rid of everything. Keep 3-4. Just don't breed. There are a lot of us that have a few and have no help with them. IMO Keep what you can care for.


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## mini123 (Apr 20, 2010)

Thanks for all the insight. I find it hard to even bring it up.

Finacially we are ok. We are not on top of the hill. But who is these days. We both have jobs, bills paid and money in the bank for vet bills.

Here is the thing I should mention, what about HIS hobbies?? I give up the horses, and what about what he does that costs money? His reasoning is his hobbies make us money! He restroes boats and cars While that is ture thier is still an expnese.

I think the happy medium is keeping a few and see if I can handle them on my own. He should be ok with that. I will let everyone know


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## bpotze (Apr 20, 2010)

I am in the same boat...but I do have a few more horses....30....We have been in it almost 10 years....and I love it...but my husband is 9 years older than me and approaching 70....he is ready to slow down...and as much as it bothers me...I have to think of him and his health and feelings....It is hard to bare the thought of parting with any of the horses...When we started...I had one...a gelding...then as you know it just took off.....now I have two stallions and a jack....I have been blessed with a lot of fillies....and I usually end up keeping them....and of course falling in love with them....every time I think of selling even one...I look into those big, trusting eyes....and I just fall apart. My husband had cancer two years ago...and that slowed him down even more...so now...I have to come to terms and think of him and not be so selfish....but how to I find good homes for all of these babies of mine?

It's a dilemma

Becky


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## loveminis (Apr 20, 2010)

You should not have to give up all your minis. Just cut back to 4 or so, or even 2. You can always buy more at some other time


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## Annabellarose (Apr 20, 2010)

I am puzzled



every time that a thread like this gets posted to a horse message board. I loved and owned horses L-O--N---G before my husband came into the picture. The horses are MY thing, PERIOD. My husband claims that he likes the horses, but, if he didn't? OH WELL! They are MY thing, PERIOD. My husband is welcome to "pet the ponies" anytime he wants and he does help me around the farm from time to time, but if he didn't or wouldn't? OH WELL! They are MY thing, PERIOD. I took care of them by myself for AGES before he came along. I don' need 'im! *snaps my fingers in a big, flamboyant Z formation*



If he were to wake up one morning and tell me to sell a horse, I'd spread open a suitcase and help him pack!



He doesn't get to make ANY decisions regarding my horses or their care, PERIOD. I don't make ANY decisions regarding his cars (he has a couple of "junk cars" that he is always tinkering on), PERIOD. We don't have children nor do we plan to have children so my horses do not take food out of our proverbial babe's mouth. I work and a large portion of my money goes to pay for my "horse habit" (just as a large portion of his money goes to pay for what he buys to work on his "junk cars" with). The ONLY way that I could understand this "husband telling his wife to get rid of her horses"-thing is if the wife didn't work and the husband was paying for the feeding/caring of the wife's horses.


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## Katiean (Apr 20, 2010)

Annabellarose said:


> I am puzzled
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I totally agree. When I met my ex I had a female Yorkie he didn't like. The rest were fine. He just didn't like this one. I remembered back to when I had a cocker and my brothers didn't like her. They made her life miserable. So I placed the cocker. I figured I would have to do the same thing for the yorkie. I had already had a boyfriend that would lock this poor dog in the closet. So I sold my dear Yorkie. She was pregnant and the woman that bought her didn't know anything about dogs. She ended up having a c-section. The woman calls me and tells me that she won't feed the puppies. I came over and calmed her down and got the puppies eating. I sat there with her and she fell asleep with her head in my hand. I sat there for a bit and then slipped my hand out from under her head and left. About an hour later the woman called me and said that when my dear do woke up and looked around and I wasn't there she died. The woman asked me to come pick up the puppies. The fact is my ex is no longer around and neither is my Yorkie because I thought I was doing what was best. Now If you don't like my dog, cat, horse....what ever, there is the door. Don't let it hit ya where the good lord split ya. I won't give up anything for anyone again.


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## disneyhorse (Apr 20, 2010)

While to SOME degree I definitely agree... I had horses long before I met my husband and I would NEVER expect a "honey, you need to get rid of all the horses now..." I don't agree that husbands and wives should be going about making major purchases or sales without discussion and compromise.

Horses are not a new dress that costs some $$$... a dress can just then sit in the closet. Horses require a lot of time and money, and they can cause big unexpected bills (I had a mini foal born... at three weeks old it choked and had a $2,000 hospital stay... got gelded for $200 at two months old... at three months old colicked to the tune of about $1,000 and surgery was not the best option... euthanized it and paid $600 for disposal... so that was $3,800 within a few months time and I ended up with NO horse).

I do believe that now that I am married (I have only been married for about three years, so I am not old and wise maybe?) I am part of a PARTNERSHIP. Fortunately I do believe with all my heart that my husband is fair, honest, and caring.

I believe that anything he or I does, should be a compromise that both of us can live with and be happy with. We do not have separate bank accounts, but we both work, but my horses are not "mine" they are "ours" even if he decided he never wanted to do anything with them. I do understand what a drain to my time and our money the horses are, and I try to make sure that he is not sacrificing anything that he wants (a new laptop comuter, bicycle, or whatever) because it always needs to be fair and equal if possible.

I would never think "well, if I have to sacrifice something, then he should, too" because that is a very negative way of looking at it. Can I still be happy cutting back?

I don't see "compromising" as one person losing half. It should be a win-win for both parties.

And, I don't see this case (at least it doesn't sound like it) as "husband TELLING wife to get rid of horses." In that case, yes, that is a negative situation. She said for many years now it is a discussion. There is nothing wrong with someone feeling one way or another, if a spouse thinks the horses are a drain, they have a right to feel that way. They may just want their partner to have more time and money to spend with them. And it would have to be a compromise "Okay honey, I will sell four of the horses but we are going to go on a vacation together." Or paying off the shared debt, or something that benefits both parties.

But no, I don't think a spouse should TELL another spouse to do something. That is disrespectful.

Andrea


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## Taylor Jo (Apr 23, 2010)

My husband when he was alive used to say; "I'm smart I know my place. I'm second. Behind the horses and the dogs." I loved my husband but the animals were and are a piroity and he knew it. He was a VERY wise man. He also knew I'd NEVER give them up. I told him before we got together. "My dogs live in the house, they're a HUGE part of my life, if you don't like dogs or can't accept that, my suggestion is you bale out of this realationship now."

I guess he didn't mind, almost 10 years we went through 8 dogs together. 4 God rest their souls, 4 still. 1 horse I got after we got married and then I quit horses and then I started again, and then I got my first mini, and went on from there. Now I have 8. TJ


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