is it just me

[Charlene]

got a wedding invitation in the mail today from a friend's daughter addressed to just me. ok, that's understandable since it IS just me and i don't guess she wanted to include my horses and dogs. BUT, on the OUTSIDE of the envelope, hand-written, appears "please tell the rest of the family & liz for me. thanks!"

now, i'm sure you know liz is my boss. this girl doesn't even KNOW liz. why she would include her is beyond me. as for the rest of "the family", i assume she means gary's family. they know her only in passing.

i don't particularly like this girl but she is the daughter of my ex-husband's new wife and they are very good friends. strange, i know, but that's beside the point. i would cut off my arm before i would do anything to hurt either of them but i won't be going to this wedding.

i figured i'd send a gift or drop one by their house sometime so i've been thinking about that. then today, i got an e-mail from my son. john asked me what i thought of the notation on the invitation about gifts. i had no idea what he was talking about, so i got the invitation out and found, at the bottom, these words..."the bride & groom are requesting monetary gifts only".

is this not the epitome of TACKY???? i have NEVER heard of this! john says he's gonna make a donation to the local animal shelter in their name. i LOVE the way he thinks!

i am just simply flabbergasted at the gall of this girl!!!

 

[Littleum]

got a wedding invitation in the mail today from a friend's daughter addressed to just me. ok, that's understandable since it IS just me and i don't guess she wanted to include my horses and dogs. BUT, on the OUTSIDE of the envelope, hand-written, appears "please tell the rest of the family & liz for me. thanks!"
now, i'm sure you know liz is my boss. this girl doesn't even KNOW liz. why she would include her is beyond me....

, these words..."the bride & groom are requesting monetary gifts only".

is this not the epitome of TACKY???? i have NEVER heard of this! john says he's gonna make a donation to the local animal shelter in their name. i LOVE the way he thinks!

I think I just figured out the answer to the first question. "Here, tell everyone you know so they will send money too!"

But to answer the overall question: TACKY! The only even mildly appropriate way to do this (according to my very elegant southern grandmother) is to register at a few places, and then enlist your immediate family to mention (in passing) to guests "Why yes, they're registered at Such And Such, and Such And Such, but you know, they are trying to save up for a house/car/baby." ("Hint hint: please send money") Then you leave it to the guest to decide, but even this is potentially a little tacky. To actually ask for money as a gift is horribly gauche.

I think your son has come up with a perfectly elegant solution to a very inelegant problem.

 

[Charlene]

LOL! that was my first thought, too. liz is a lawyer, she must be positively swimming in money so yeah, let's make sure charlene tells her she's invited!

i am just dumbfounded at the rudeness of this whole thing!

 

[Jill]

[SIZE=12pt]Oh
My
God
[/SIZE]

Yes, the entire thing is beyond tacky!!! I never heard of anything tackier (and I've got some real Jerry Springer material extended family!)... Wow... just WOW

 

[minie812]

I would break off a small branch from a tree, stick it in potting soil and put a dollar bill on it

 

[~Lisa~]

IMO the only time it is appropriate to ask for a monatary donation for a wedding or other event is to request it be given to a charity in their name and often times they do not make it only one charity to choose from.

and Minie812 I LOVE THAT IDEA

 

[Charlene]

I would break off a small branch from a tree, stick it in potting soil and put a dollar bill on it

i'll do that but ONLY if i can use dirt from my yard and i don't have to BUY A POT!!!

ya know, i'm the furthest thing from emily post you'll ever find so i'm happy to know i'm not the only person who thinks this is beyond tacky!! i'm not "up" on modern etiquette (even if i CAN spell it!) so i was thinking maybe this is the wave of the future and I'M the one who is off base!

what makes this even more offensive to me is that my ex retired with a 6 figure income. i know he gives these kids plenty of money and i don't have a problem with that in the least. what i have a problem with is the fact that they would have the nerve to ask for money from people like gary's family who are on fixed incomes and in today's economy, struggling with finances.

 

[SampleMM]

What were they thinking?

Call me a witch, but they wouldn't get a dime from me!

 

[Gini]

I like the idea of giving the money you would have spent on a gift and give it to a local animal shelter in their name. Some one who needs it would benefit from the donation.... TACKY is the name~~~~

 

[Charlene]

What were they thinking?

Call me a witch, but they wouldn't get a dime from me!

when they receive nothing, they'll probably call me more than a witch but i'm with you, i'm not sending a thing.

gini, my son said that in jest but you know, the more i think about it, the more i wonder if it would get the point across to them but then again, when i think about THAT, i'm sure they just wouldn't get it!

my head hurts from so much thinking! OH!

 

[Bunnylady]

Oh, this is sooo many levels of wrong! If someone were throwing a shower for her, they could request money to be put toward such-and-such, but she mustn't tell anyone what kind of gift they should give. What's next, selling tickets to the nuptuals? And yes, I read "tell your boss, Ms. Money Bags, and anyone else that might ever have heard my name. Never hurts to advertise!"

I think it's pathetic that this girl evidently doesn't know any better. I guess her parents don't either. She has committed a huge faux pas here. Sadly, if you don't cough up the dough, she will probably feel slighted, never understanding how ill-mannered she has been. If you buy her a gift anyway, do you suppose she'd have the grace to say "thank you," or would she simply be miffed that you didn't honor her wishes?

 

[Sixstardanes]

You want a few foreign bills and coins to give to them?

They didn't say it had to be US currency. hehehe

 

[REO]

That is tacky! OH!

Maybe a gift of money should go to who has the best manners!

Her? NOPE!

The horsies of CMHR!

 

[Miniv]

"Miss Manners"....the author/writer would have a field day with this!

 

[minie812]

What were they thinking?

Call me a witch, but they wouldn't get a dime from me!

when they receive nothing, they'll probably call me more than a witch but i'm with you, i'm not sending a thing.

gini, my son said that in jest but you know, the more i think about it, the more i wonder if it would get the point across to them but then again, when i think about THAT, i'm sure they just wouldn't get it!

my head hurts from so much thinking! OH!

Charlene...Your head is NOT suppose to hurt as you are retired

 

[SilverDollar]

Evidently this type of request isn't all that uncommon, however, it is way beyond tacky. (There's a whole website devoted to this kind of stuff!

)

"the bride & groom are requesting monetary gifts only"...they didn't say who the monetary gifts were to go to, did they?

I like your son's idea.

 

[mydaddysjag]

Hubby and I considered this for about two minutes flat. Decided it was rude/tacky. The only reason we even considered something like this is because we had already been living together before our wedding, and got a LOT of house warming gifts. Then we went from living in a 3 bedroom, 2 living room, sun room, and full basement to living in my parents basement, and dont have room for any more stuff. We had gotten sick, lost the house we were living in, and had to move. We already have a storage unit full, and most of my parents basement packed with boxes. Still, although we preferred to get money, there was no way I was telling my guests what they could get me. What I did do was only register for things I absolutely needed like new bed pillows, closet organizer racks, etc. Target and walmart will let you put giftcards on your list. We did get mostly giftcards and money, and I only actually returned one item I got, as I had nowhere to keep it, and would never use it because I already had one stored away (an electric skillet)

There are ways to ask for giftcards and money without out and out saying it and being tacky, although looking back on it it might be considered tacky that we had business cards printed that said we were registered at target and walmart that were sent out with our save the date cards.

 

[SaddleTrail]

I am a Wedding Minister and yes it is tacky but it is also the going thing now it seems.

Money dances can be tacky, but these are more acceptable and fun. It all depends on the dance and folks at the reception!

 

[Minimor]

I guess maybe things are different here. That particular wording is a little "blunt" but I don't actually find the intent of it to be tacky. Here it is fairly common for the wedding invitation to specify "presentation only".

"Presentation only" means they are requesting gifts of money only. I've never heard anyone complain about invitations that make this specification. However, I have never known anyone to handwrite "money only"--or words to that effect!--on the invitation or envelope--that would be a little weird, for sure. Equally weird, though, would be a wedding guest that (in response to a presentation only invitation) gave a donation to a charity rather than giving the money to the bride & groom--that would be considered very tacky.

But then here in Manitoba we also have wedding socials where you sell tickets to the "party"--there's usually drinks and dancing; a big party that makes money for the bride & groom. Guests buy drink tickets so the booze doesn't cost the bride/groom anything--it actually makes a bit of extra money for them, on top of the proceeds from the ticket sales. Now days they also have silent auctions on items that have been donated by various people and businesses...often big items, even TVs and such. I think that's going much too far--some businesses in the area get so many requests for donations they'd go broke if they gave something to each one!!

 

[Jill]

I have an idea... How about giving them $2.42??? Thinking that would cover the cost of both the invitation AND the postage!!!