Just blowing off steam....

[alongman]

As many of you know - I'm gay. No big secret there. I am perfectly happy, content and succesful being exactly who I am. I haven't forced my ideas on anyone, but haven't hidden them either - I will talk to anyone honestly about the issue. HOWEVER, some people don't like this! This past year, I had a young guy (not someone I really even know other than from the horse shows) contact me and ask questions. A LOT OF QUESTIONS! Not anything explicit, but questions about having a family, owning a home, public acceptance, etc.... He wanted to make an educated decision about what was right for HIM. Over the course of 9 months of talking, you can say we have become friends.

The most important thing I told him was to be honest with those around him - he needed to tell his family, friends and the person he was seeing (a female) if this is what he chose. I told him what I wished someone had told ME when I was going through these feelings. Things that I could have done differently to NOT hurt (or have people perceive being hurt) people in my life. Honesty is the best policy right? I didn't try to persuade him to this lifestyle.

Being gay isn't easy - who would want to face public ridicule for loving someone when it's not "socially acceptable"? Who would want to have to face the possibility of being a good father, but not ever getting to have children? Who wants to have to fight to make decisions about a life-partners medical decisions only to not have them upheld? IT'S NOT AN EASY LIFE! But, it's who I am. I'm not recruiting as the rumors would have it.

So, I guess here is where the story turns on me. I gave advice to him thinking I was being a role model (or at least a good friend). He followed my advice, told some people - being true to himself and his friends. They took that as me making him gay! They have started horrible rumors about me - that I was unfair in my judging (called, texted, etc... at a show in order to benefit him and his placings), that I was dating him (NOT TRUE - ask my partner) and that I was doing him favors in the ring. If anything, I am always fair. My friends or acquiantances get NO breaks from me while I'm judging - if anything, I expect more from them. So, now, here I am. I took the high ground. I was a good friend. I have let the comments bounce off me for the past 4 months and have taken them in stride, but I'm frustrated that they continue to feel the need to hurt me. I guess, the ultimate goal is for me to discontinue showing and judging or so I've heard through the grapevine. I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE - IF ANYTHING, MY FIRE HAS BEEN FUELED!!!!

I am sorry for being so long-winded and venting, but I just want it to end. I do appreciate those of you who have kept me abreast of the situation. You are true friends who truly care about what happens to me.

 

[LindaL]

Adam....You need to keep your head up high. You have done nothing wrong and in fact have stood up for who you are by being a friend to someone who asked for your help. You could have just as easily said that you werent "interested" in helping someone who was confused about their sexuality and get involved, but that isnt who you are.

Those people who are causing you problems in the horse show world are only doing it out of "fear" and ignorance. Do not let ignorant people rule you...Keep strong and stand up for yourself by staying put. Show those who have heard the "rumors" know that you are not going to let them scare you away or hide.

As a lesbian, you know that I understand having to live a life that is not always easy based solely on your sexual orientation. The only way that we may (hopefully) open peoples' eyes is to always stand up for who we are and not go back into the closet. Even if the young man who befriended you had chose to not come out, you would have shown him that gays are not "bad" people...and I think that speaking out by talking to young people is always a positive thing.

I hope that the people behind the rumors wont let it affect your job in the ring. Stick to your guns, stick by your friends and bitch slap anyone who stands in your way!!

Karma, baby....karma.

 

[CyndiM]

IMHO you gave him good advise.

Those who are doing this to you are being petty and need to zip their lips. Life is too short to get your britches in a wad over another persons lifestyle.

If it isn't illegal and no one is being hurt, get over it whoever you are. And you can quote me on that Adam.

 

[hhpminis]

I am sorry you are a victim of such rumors and assumptions. People tend to say inappropriate things when they are uncomfortable in a situation. Let it go, be the person that you are, be proud of it, and stand tall. Some people just have no better way to build themselves up than to tear others down. It is those you should feel sorry for.

 

[FoRebel]

I think you gave him good advice too! Keep your head up and don't let them get to you! (((HUGS)))

 

[REO]

Ditto what Linda & hhpminis said! {{{Adam}}}

 

[nootka]

I'm so sorry this has happened/is happening.

Try not to let it drag you down. I don't understand, honestly, why anyone cares about who or why someone is sleeping with (insert gender of choice), when in fact, it doesn't matter except for those you are directly involved with (usually one person!).

it is NOT an easy life, and I would think that young man would have been lucky to get the advice that he has from someone who's lived through it.

I'm sorry it was turned around on you.

People are horribly mean, thoughtless and cruel.

(((hugs)))

I would ignore as much of it as possible...anyone with any brain at all knows that their accusations are ridiculous.

Liz

 

[vvf]

Hey Adam,

I agree that life is too short to worry about what other people think or say.

I don't know if you remember when i was going through a low point last year, but you said some thing that really meant alot to me and helped me get beyond that.

I think the you are a good man and i consider you a friend.

You hang in there, OK.

Cindy

 

[alongman]

Thanks everyone...... it does mean a lot to have good friends like you here to listen to me and help me through this. I just hope that people will see through the BS rumors and see what kind of person I truly am.

 

[dreammountainminis]

Adam ,

To me you are no diffrent Than me except I am female , You are human and you are compassionate ,caring, and honest . You do not hide behind lies . I would not let these ppl bother you one bit , I do not judge by sexual orientation , I dont judge a book by its cover , If i did way to many ppl would get hurt ..You would not judge me just because I have 5 kids but I have been judged by others for having five children , Its purely ignorance ...Be who you are , you are happy and that is all that matters.

 

[Marty]

Adam, YOU KNOW, and I KNOW how short life is. Let's not spend anymore time of it worrying about those very petty people who are so shallow and so full of self righteousness that it makes me want to hurl. Avoid them like the plague. Just turn them off in your head and in your mind and forget them and do not spend another minute lingering on the stupid rumor; this too shall pass. You may not give birth to babies, but everyday as a paramedic, you save lives and that to me makes you an amazing person right there.

and as the Turtles once sang:



"Let me be, let me be

to think like I want to

Let me be, let me be

that's all I ask of you

I am what I am and

that's all I ever could be"

 

[Jill]

Well, unfortunately, there are plenty of unenlightened people in the world. Sounds like you've met quite a few

I'm straight, happily married, etc. I didn't choose to be straight, so how can I (or anyone) really believe people choose to be gay? Or that "peer pressure" can make someone "turn gay"?

For me, the older I get, the less tolerant I am of stupid people (grrrrrrrrrrr..........).

 

[Charlene]

i've always thought diversity is what makes the world go 'round. ignore the idiots as much as you can. be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. wouldn't it be a boring place if we were all the same?

 

[Crabby-Chicken]

Oh Adam,,,, people are stupid, and ignorant and hurtful. The attitude of "be me, or you are nothing". Someday maybe people will not have to put other people down to feel good about themselves. You are who you are when you get to this world, what you make of yourself is what counts. Hope your day goes better!

 

[Bess Kelly]

I am straight, have children and a grandchild -- ok I'm old, too

Some of my best friends are gay!! LONG TIME friends -- devoted friends. Friends since before coming out was accepted.

There are still those who say hurtful things, unfortunately. You are stronger than their words, so continue to be that -- live your life. We all dance to a different drummer in some way, large or small. Some may not like my life style, think I give a rat's butt??

Being kind, fair, a good & considerate person --- that's what matters, not sexual preference or skin color or income level or, on and on.

 

[Yaddax3]

Adam:

Here's some of the best advice I've heard: By letting negative people get to you, you empower them.

It's easy for me to sit on the sidelines and say don't empower these people disparaging you, but please try. You know what kind of person and what kind of show judge you are, as do many of the people who already have responded to this post. That is what matters, not what others are saying behind your back.

 

[Lisa Strass]

Hey Adam,

No matter what the subject, I hate when mean rumors get started that hurt people. I also hate when you are open and honest with someone because you care, and then they turn around and stab you in the back. Sorry you are going through this right now, but keep your head up. You know that you are a good person!

 

[Sterling]

You keep your head held high and do not for one minute let anyone push you out of being a show judge because of their rumors! I've never met you but in reading your post I can tell you are a good preson with a good heart....let those rumors slide of your back.

 

[Sanny]

You gave him honest, thought-provoking, mature advice and you probably saved him years of denial and torment. You may have sped up his decision making process but I highly doubt what you said or did "made him gay" and anyone that says or thinks anything along those lines is an idiot.

Try not to let rumors and nasty people like this get to you. And for the record, if it makes you feel any better about it, We go to a lot of shows and a lot of club meetings and other mini/pony related events and I have never heard anything of that nature about you. If I had, I would set them straight.

Don't let a few nasty and mean people get you down or change what you choose to say or do or how you live your life.

Being kind, fair, a good & considerate person --- that's what matters, not sexual preference or skin color or income level or, on and on.

You are a great guy and a great person and at the end of the day, that is what matters more than anything. Being able to look in the mirror and feel good about yourself.

 

[RJRMINIS]

Hey Adam,
No matter what the subject, I hate when mean rumors get started that hurt people. I also hate when you are open and honest with someone because you care, and then they turn around and stab you in the back. Sorry you are going through this right now, but keep your head up. You know that you are a good person!

I totally agree with you Lisa!!!

Adam, Hang in there!!! I know Rumors are hurtful, but anyone hearing them should always remember there are two sides to every story....I have learned you can't always trust people that you thought you could, It is just best to put those people out of your thoughts and out of your life....Life is to short, don't let stuff that people say weigh you down!