When I was hit by cancer, I did a complete 180 degree turn in my life that many thought I was crazy. I wanted to sell our beautiful dream farm, my horses that I adored, & move into town & have a normal life. Since I was soo horse crazy, did all the work myself, lived & breathed horses, it was a shock to my family that I would want something different. But I had a lot of time to lay in that bed & think. Thinking about all the stuff I missed when I had the horses. Vacations that didnt involve National Horse Shows, leaving the house for even groceries during foaling time, sleep!!!, but most of all remembering the looks on my young childrens faces when we had plans that were forced to cancell because a horse was sick or something else came up. This happened over & over. My cancer was a wake up call & I am wondering if your husbands heartattack wasnt one to him to. It took some convincing for my husband to understand that I just didnt want that life anymore, I survived something horrible & I wanted to LIVE! He loved me enough to agree to it, we sold the farm bought a home in town, & since then we have had a much better family live with the kids, spending more quality time together that doesnt involve my interests only ( the horses) we take 2 vacations a year, ( Hawaii, cruises, vegas, europe) my husband has been able to buy his dream car & take it to car shows with our son. My husband & I have date nights, just the two of us going to the movies, a nice dinner, holding hands.... We both realized we loved the horses, but they were taking over every aspect of our lives that we werent really happy. With ovarian cancer, it can come back anytime, & I didnt want to be hooked up to IV's thinking about the farm, or what I had missed out on I wanted to think about all the wonderful things I had done with my children, the happiness on their face surfing in hawaii, meeting Mickey Mouse in Disneyworld. There are two quotes that I really like "Life is not measured by the breaths you take away, but by the moments that take your breath away"
Maybe he just wants a change of life? Maybe he does love you, but is afraid to ask you to make a change with him. When I was heavily involved in the minis I saw a lot of cases where husbands resented the farms & horses, both in the work, the money & the time away from family. It broke up a lot of marriages. I am not saying this is happening here. But if you really love this man, I would suggest you have him come over set down just the two of you hold hands across the table & just talk. As him what his dreams are. Ask him what is making him so unhappy. Ask him if he thinks changes can be made, if he thinks he would be willing to try? It is a risk. You can make drastic changes to please him & in the end it isnt enough...or maybe it will be if that is what he wants. He has to make the step to set down with you & be willing to be honest.
And if he isnt, then take a good strong look at that you are left with. Sometimes you need a friend to take the same look, because looking thru tears can distort the reality. What will you have to do to keep what is important to you? If you have to let a horse go, you can chose the new owner, one that will love them as much even more maybe than you do. It is better to think about all this now instead of finding out that you cant afford to keep them all & be forced into selling them.
You are on a uphill battle. It is so important that you have someone to talk to right now. Dont let your thoughts keep you from sleeping, if you lay awake thinking- that lack of sleeping will eat up your body. As hard as it is,, try to keep control when you speak with him. Show strength..dont let him think that he has all the power of the decisiions of your future.
good luck Deb
Maybe he just wants a change of life? Maybe he does love you, but is afraid to ask you to make a change with him. When I was heavily involved in the minis I saw a lot of cases where husbands resented the farms & horses, both in the work, the money & the time away from family. It broke up a lot of marriages. I am not saying this is happening here. But if you really love this man, I would suggest you have him come over set down just the two of you hold hands across the table & just talk. As him what his dreams are. Ask him what is making him so unhappy. Ask him if he thinks changes can be made, if he thinks he would be willing to try? It is a risk. You can make drastic changes to please him & in the end it isnt enough...or maybe it will be if that is what he wants. He has to make the step to set down with you & be willing to be honest.
And if he isnt, then take a good strong look at that you are left with. Sometimes you need a friend to take the same look, because looking thru tears can distort the reality. What will you have to do to keep what is important to you? If you have to let a horse go, you can chose the new owner, one that will love them as much even more maybe than you do. It is better to think about all this now instead of finding out that you cant afford to keep them all & be forced into selling them.
You are on a uphill battle. It is so important that you have someone to talk to right now. Dont let your thoughts keep you from sleeping, if you lay awake thinking- that lack of sleeping will eat up your body. As hard as it is,, try to keep control when you speak with him. Show strength..dont let him think that he has all the power of the decisiions of your future.
good luck Deb
