Thoughts on this situation...

[LindaL]

My Godmother and I have stayed in contact thru out my whole life. When I was born, my parents were next door neighbors/friends with her family in NY. When I was 6, we moved to Oregon and only saw her a few times when we went to visit; the last time being when I was 17. After that, they had moved to Florida. Mostly we kept in contact at Christmas time with cards/letters. When Deb and I came to visit Florida a few years ago, I called her and we went to go visit her. Had a really good visit; catching up on all the years past with both of our families. Last Christmas, I let her know we were now living in Florida! We live about 2 hrs away from each other. So, here is the situation...

When I was a child, she would send $$ for Christmas and Birthdays, but stopped a long time ago (when I became an adult). In all these years, I have never recieved anything from her except cards/letters, which was totally fine. I wasn't expecting anything. Suddenly, with this last Christmas card, she sent me a check as a gift. Then 2 months later, she sent me another check for my birthday.

I did cash them, but felt weird doing it. I do not expect her to send me $$ (altho I am appreciative of the thought)! I feel like if I don't cash them, she would wonder if I got them, but wouldn't want to ASK if I got them. I don't want to OFFEND her by not cashing them either.

So, would you cash them? Would you say something (not sure if there is even a proper way to say anything without sounding ungrateful)?

I have not seen her since we moved here, but hope to soon. Whenever we are in her area I say something about it, but time gets away from us and we do not want to stop in for just a minute, so we end up not even stopping.

My Godmother is a sweet old woman and I am thankful to have her still in my life. That is what makes me happy. I don't need her $$ and I know she lives on SS, so that makes me feel bad "taking" her $$ even if it is a GIFT.

So...what would you do?

 

[minimomNC]

Cash her checks and make a donation in her name to a favorite charity of either yours or hers. She will know you cashed the checks and you will know that while you did, it went to something dear to your heart.

 

[Sue_C.]

She sounds lonely to me... If you are unable to go for a visit, why not start making a point of sitting down once in awhile and sending her a real honest to goodness letter. I know how warm and "thought of" I feel when I get a letter that someone has taken the time to write to me, and I get out lots. LOL! I can just imagine how much she would enjoy feeling a part of your life again. She is reaching out to you...just let her in.

 

[Sonya]

I would maybe send her a thankyou note and tell her how much you appreciate her generosity but it's not necessary. Tell her you would prefer she would use that money on herself for something nice. I don't think she would be offended.

She sounds like a very sweet old lady. I agree w/Sue, she does sound lonely.

 

[Charley]

She is family. I would call her on the phone and thank her. I would also find out when her birthday is and what she likes and start sending her things for her birthday (or making the day trip to see her on/near her birthday), Christmas...maybe even mother's day. It is a blessing to be cared about.

 

[LindaL]

I don't think she is "lonely"...her son lives with her (that is another whole story in itself...

) and her daughters/grandchildren/great-grandchildren live close by.

I do think she is happy to have me back "close by" and yes, we've always considered each other family.

I am not very good at Thank You cards, so I never thought about that

...I will do that and let her know that her gifts are very much appreciated, but not necessary. I would rather spend an afternoon with her or go out to dinner sometime than exchange gifts.

Thanks for your suggestions...I love how I can get a whole new perspective on things when others give their thoughts.

 

[CZP1]

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where he cashes the checks from his "nana" that he had stashed and then her account was overdrawn. Sorry Linda just couldn't resist

. I would call her and then plan on a visit. Depending on where she is maybe rekindle the friendship with a visit each month. I always was in contact with my Godmother even though she was in NY, and I moved to NC. Always good to reconnect with family!

 

[Sue_C.]

.her son lives with her (that is another whole story in itself... ) and her daughters/grandchildren/great-grandchildren live close by.

Just because there are others close by, doesn't mean she gets any attention...it is often quite the opposite. A person can live in a house with a dozen others and still be "lonely". Especially if her son is not the caring kind, which I gather from you

"(that is another whole story in itself..." comment.

We ALL get wrapped up in our own busy lives and seldom reach out like we should. I know myself that I aught to write or call more than I should to some elderly people who very special to me...and this post has me more determined to sit down and actually write a few letters.

 

[Marsha Cassada]

She is most likely taking her role as godmother seriously. With the check she is most likely sending prayers to you also.

How much $$ would it take to motivate a 44 cent stamp on a thank you card from you? She doesn't know you are touched by the gift unless you tell her--most likely she isn't a mind reader. Cashing the check says "I'm alive", but doesn't tell her the sweet thoughts you have of her. Print out a picture of you and your animals or some activity that is cheerful and happy and write a small hand written note.

Accept the money and acknowledge it. She doesn't want a gift in return.

 

[Molly's Run Minis]

How much $$ would it take to motivate a 44 cent stamp on a thank you card from you?

i dont know if its just me, but i found this statement extremely rude! perhaps the OP just doesnt have enough time or doesnt like sending cards! i know if i have to say thanks for something i always call because i hate having to pick out cards.

 

[REO]

I feel like if I don't cash them, she would wonder if I got them, but wouldn't want to ASK if I got them.

I would send her a thank you note to let her know I got it, and thank her very much for her thoughtful gift! That would let her know you got it & that you appreciate her. Then I wouldn't cash it. OR I would spend it on gift certs for things SHE would use and give those to her as a thank you gift!

I love the idea to taking her out to dinner! I posted before I read any of the other replies

Time spent with you would be the best gift of all!

 

[mydaddysjag]

I would accept the checks and cash them, but if you feel funny taking gifts from her, save the money and treat her to a nice day for her birthday. An activity she likes, and lunch/dinner maybe?

Mollys run, when I was a bit younger I had the same thought as you. Now that Im a bit older, I realize there is a time for more "formal" thank you's, and older people generally accept them. I know hand written thank you's are pretty much a given for graduations, bridal showers, wedding gifts, baby shower gifts, funeral items, etc.

I know because I was called in grateful by my great great aunt because she didn't get a written thank you card within two weeks of my graduation party. You can bet I'll never make that mistake again.

 

[Molly's Run Minis]

I would accept the checks and cash them, but if you feel funny taking gifts from her, save the money and treat her to a nice day for her birthday. An activity she likes, and lunch/dinner maybe?

Mollys run, when I was a bit younger I had the same thought as you. Now that Im a bit older, I realize there is a time for more "formal" thank you's, and older people generally accept them. I know hand written thank you's are pretty much a given for graduations, bridal showers, wedding gifts, baby shower gifts, funeral items, etc.

I know because I was called in grateful by my great great aunt because she didn't get a written thank you card within two weeks of my graduation party. You can bet I'll never make that mistake again.

maybe its just my family. i dont actually have anyone in my family that i would want (or need) to send any sort of thank you in any form, except my mom, and i live with her

 

[Jean_B]

Another thought is that she is trying to "spend down" her estate so that when she passes, her heirs would have received a portion of their inheritance without be nailed with inheritance taxes???? But regardless of her reason for giving you the $$, she needs to know that you received it and that you appreciate it.

 

[weebiscuit]

So...what would you do?

I think that if she sent me cash again, I would send you a nice thank you note and sweetly explain that you so much appreciate the money, but that you are doing well financially and it would make you much happier if she spent the money on herself, or else say that instead of sending money, why don't you both just plan a special day together once per year where you drive to her place and you both go out to lunch.