Would you tell?

[lvponies]

I heard yesterday that my brother-in-law is cheating on my sister-in-law....AGAIN! My s-i-l and I are not close. My b-i-l told her a story about going bear hunting in WV recently, got drunk and needed to spend the night. Apparently he was with the other woman. We live in WV and according to my hubby, bear season isn't in yet. I had thought to maybe go to the WV DNR website, get the dates for bear season and send them to her. I just really hate the thought of her being clueless about this going on, but also realize that it's none of my business. What would you do? Would you tell?

 

[Sue_C.]

Back "in the old days", I'da said let it be...but in this day and age of more deadly and easily transmitted diseases...I would perhaps find a way to let her know she has reason to suspect.

She should be expecting it to happen again, and watching the "signs"...as I have seen in my lifetime that one a "dog" starts to run...he's hard to keep home.

 

[Jill]

Who usually checks the mail at their house?

I would also want her to know, but sometimes the person doing the telling ends up being resented even if she realizes you're telling the truth.

Maybe you could send her a card, with the info about what he's doing and the hunting season dates.

I feel bad for her

 

[justanothercowgirl]

I would leave it alone. I once jumped in and informed my best friend and she ended up being very upset with me. The bottom line was, she knew...just wasn't ready to deal with it yet.

 

[lilhorseladie]

Unless you have solid proof, I wouldn't and here is why. Inevitably it will back fire on you. Chances are she may not believe you and then you have a whole mess of why you want to break them up. You must have something solid. The whole season thing, you could possibly just bring it up in conversation and hope she catches on. I would choose to stay out of it, I think. Ouch...I hate when people put us in these predicaments.

 

[lvponies]

I feel really bad for her too. I also believe that once a dog strays, it's hard to keep him home. She figured it out for herself the last time it happened by looking at his cell phone records. Everyone knew but her and I felt bad at the time that she was being duped. Evidence this time around is her hubby's big mouth telling his sister who then told her brother (my hubby). I would hope if I were in the same position that someone would tell me. I would hate that everyone knew and no one cared enough about me to let me know.

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

Would i tell nope no way.. my guess is she knows already anyway on one level or another and will deal with it in her own time.

Unless you are ready for some Jerry Springer type of drama... stay out

even the last time she knew on some level or would have had no need to try and figure it out by cell phone records.

I understand your want to be a good friend and even when not friends to honor another woman but inthis case... unless it was my truly best friend... i wouldnt

 

[billiethekid40]

my opinion? Its your hubbies family, so talk to him about this. If you say something and it blows up in your face, it could be you and your hubby that have a fight about it if he thinks you should have stayed out of it. On the other hand, he might be willing to talk to her or him about it, seeing as it is HIS family. While I agree that peoples buisness is peoples buisness, if someone is stupid and cocky enough like your B-I-L is and spreads the word around, the least you can do is share the info about bear season dates. I mean, if he was suspected of shooting bear out of season, would you feel so bad piping up to her about it?

 

[AppyLover2]

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't do that to her.

Whether you are close friends or not, don't tell her something like this. She will find out in time (unless she already knows and, like someone already said, isn't ready to accept it). I once convinced a friend to tell me exactly the same thing....I regretted it for years because it forced me to finally acknowledge something I had suspected for a long time.

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Well many years ago someone told me. It destroyed any trust I had. Yes I am still married to him but with his infidelity and my leaving him and the reuniting for the kids and money issues I stayed after leaving 2 times. This last time 12 yrs ago I stayed gone and moved here to the hollow. It isn't much of a marriage but he pays the bills and seeing as I am pretty lame and unable to work it is a means to an end albeit a sad one. The 2-3 days a week he is here I put up with it. We haven't "lived together" for the last 12 yrs. Weird eh? Had I been a stronger person I would have ended it. I would want to know. The sexually transmitted things today are too terrifying. Trust me on this one, it'll break her heart but better safe than sorry... it's not just her marriage it's her life at risk. JMHO

 

[Laura]

Well...I'm torn about this. No one told me and I wish they had. If I was close to the person, I'd absolutely tell them.

 

[Robin1]

How about the next time you talk, ask her if she knows where he went hunting because in your area it hasn't started yet.

That way you aren't telling her , he's cheating but you are putting a bug in her ear. What she does with the info is up to her.

Robin

 

[Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis]

he is here I put up with it. We haven't "lived together" for the last 12 yrs.  Weird eh? 

506526[/snapback]

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Hmm that part could be me talking lol

I also think that if she knows and seeing as she has known about a previous incident she does...

well knowing and dealing on your own terms is one thing but ... knowing others know and feeling pressured to act or react a certain way can be something totally different

 

[Relic]

l might tell a close friend what l suspect in a nice way BUT a family member l would for sure never be the one to bring it up.

 

[Miniv]

If the person were a close friend or a relative I was CLOSE to, then I'd probably try to find a way to put "a bug in her ear"..... but otherwise, no. I'd stay out of it.

What it comes down to is listening to your own heart.

MA

 

[strass]

lilhorseladie is right: Keep your nose out of it. You didn't witness anything with your own eyes and it's possible that you don't have the whole story strait. While it's good hat you feel for her, your direct involvement might just make things into an entirely worse situation.

Plus, Lisa-Ruff N Tuff Minis has another good point: she might already "know" and be comfortable living in denial until she's ready to face it. It's certainly a lot to deal with. My 1st wife was a (insert negative here) and I "denied" it until I finally had the emotional strength to put-foot-to-^$$.

 

[Marty]

No no no never would I say a word. It's none of your business. Besides, you have no real concrete proof like the two of them doing the happy dance.

Also, contrary to popular belief, most women can smell a cheater a mile away. She probably already knows or suspects. Leave it alone.

 

[minimama]

I am purposely not reading anyone else comments first. My opinion, is if it were me I would want someone to tell me so I did nto get some disease or my kids didn't get something from what my husband was doing. I have let my friends and family know this as well and we all have agreements as far as each others marriages are concerned.

I hate being lied to more than I hate being cheated on so he better tell me himself!

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Well folks, I had no clue, I had just had the baby I was told I could never have and I was in absolute joyous heaven. All through my pregancy and after he had another woman or two. Yup, I would have prefered to know then not later.

 

[DunPainted]

Tough one!

With the advent of numerous strains of STD's and AIDS, cheating is a deadly "game" that comes home to roost with the innocent.

A nurse practioner friend has had to relay very serious news to women who had no clue. Makes you wonder.