Serious question......please no fights

[Indian*R*A*I*N*Dance]

If i had a child, i wouldn't care what the parents were. Its there choice of life and theres nothing wrong with it. My brothers friend (havn't seen them in awhile though) his parents are lesbian. There really nice, his real mother was my tutor once.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

My children have and do spend the night at homes with same sex couples. It is not a problem for me at all. I do not have any requests like they cannot show affection or kiss. They are a loving couple and have no need to hide it or feel shameful. I would expect them to not hump on the couch but I would expect that of any adults who are responsible for watching children.

Here you are, Ashley.

 

[Ashley]

Thats no big deal. And for the record they are 10 year old boys.

 

[RockRiverTiff]

I've been thinking about this thread a lot this morning, and would like to hear more from the other side. Some of these belief systems are a bit complex for a child that might not otherwise judge on their own. Do you consider the other child's feelings when explaining your reasoning? I guess what I'm trying to say is, whether or not you agree with the other family's lifestyle, I would worry about a child's interpretation of what their parent is telling them, and what they might then repeat to their friend and other classmates. It's one thing to disagree with other parents, but I'd hate to see a child suffer for that. How do those of you that said no handle saying no?

 

[alongman]

Can someone tell me what IS a normal family at this point? I see kids with one mom, one dad, two moms, two dads, step-parents, foster parents, etc... Kids today DO NOT see anything besides "family". It doesn't matter to them what the family is comprised of as long as there is SOMEONE there to care for them. It's the adults that have a hang-up about families who are different than their own.......... welcome to the future people.

If you're family is one that 1) has never argued, 2) is completely without any skeletons in your closet and, 3) feels so superior to another that anothers' lifestyle would dictate your friendship, then you keep your children home. PERIOD. Chances are that if ANYTHING happens to them while they are out of your site, it will be someone elses fault.

I do respect everyone's opinion, but I will be happier when there is well documented, well publicized research and studies showing that being gay is not any more a choice than it is a choice to be straight. Hopefully when it's well known that it's the way a person is born (and in my own opinion, the way God made them), people won't be as judgemental.

You wanted studies!!!! Here you go, have fun reading the mountains of studies, research papers, etc... that clearly document that there are DNA differences as well as brain structural differences in a homosexual versus straight person. Here's the link to a great place to start - http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1925

 

[Jill]

Adam --

I know it is not a choice. What I meant is I'll be happy when "everyone" knows and the studies and research are more widely known and accepted by everyone. I already understand, but a lot of others don't.

Jill

 

[Sonya]

Everyone keeps commenting on "choice"...does it really matter? If one is born that way or chooses....it really doesn't make a difference does it? It's still their life to do what they please as long as it's not harming others. Just as it is someone's right to not allow their child to stay at someone elses's house for "whatever" the reason may be.

It makes it sound like... oh my Gosh...he/she can't help the way they are (gay in this instance), they were born that way. That of course is not how I feel or anyone on this board I'm sure, but it just sounds that way.... If it's by choice or genetics, it really doesn't matter, it is everyone's right to find love and companionship with whomever it may be. But in the same instance, it's every parents right to choose who their children stay overnight with, even if others feel the reasons are unjustified.

 

[Jill]

Everyone keeps commenting on "choice"...does it really matter? If one is born that way or chooses....it really doesn't make a difference does it? It's still their life to do what they please as long as it's not harming others. Just as it is someone's right to not allow their child to stay at someone elses's house for "whatever" the reason may be.
It makes it sound like... oh my Gosh...he/she can't help the way they are (gay in this instance), they were born that way. That of course is not how I feel or anyone on this board I'm sure, but it just sounds that way.... If it's by choice or genetics, it really doesn't matter, it is everyone's right to find love and companionship with whomever it may be. But in the same instance, it's every parents right to choose who their children stay overnight with, even if others feel the reasons are unjustified.

Sonya --

To my way of thinking, it matters because you can disapprove of a person's choices and hold that against them (drugs, crimes, rude, etc.), but you shouldn't hold how they were born against them -- anymore than you should not like someone because of the color of their skin. That's how I look at it and why to my way of thinking, choice vs. gentics / biology is an important distinction.

Not that I would judge negatively if it was a choice. As long as it's not me or Harvey, I don't care who sleeps with who or what

But for people who are "upset" at the idea of who someone is gay is attacted to, if they could understand it's not a choice, maybe that would be a step towards accepting them for who they are, and how they have always been.

Jill

 

[LisaF.]

Ashley...it was when Sonya said she laughed at your subject line. That is one thing that upset me because I think you were being serious and not wanting a fight out of this.

There was not only one comment that upset me there were a few. I think we could talk about this and keep it clean.

 

[Jill]

I don't think Sonya meant she laughed at it in a bad or mean way at all. I took it to mean she was skeptical we'd keep it from becoming bitter (which we have, somewhat to my surprise as well). In the past, these threads spiral into mean / bitter fairly fast and this one hasn't at all in my opinion.

 

[Relic]

When kids are around age 10 and haven't been sheltered from life l would think they have a fairly clear idea of what a gay couple means...my kids learned most all those things including where babies come from how there made names of drugs where and who sells and on and on all by the time they were that age and l didn't think they were old enough to have any of that info and some of it was pretty well out to lunch...but thats going back maybe 15 years also when things were not as open as now a days. My youngest daughters best friend from kindergarden is gay they have shared an apartment in town for the past 3 years and l like it that way l know she's safe. l have had a soft spot for him since he was a little guy and know about all the times he had a heck of a time with many a beating behind the school in the fields when he was known to be different...he is now an RCMP officer and has a recent new friend who is also with the RCMP. Some gays are very nasty even if you wouldn't want to be around or know them if they were straight just cause as people they are A holes and being gay make a point of letting you know how closed minded you are because they happen to be gay...l sure don't like them a lot and will cross the street if l see them coming

 

[Sonya]

Ashley...it was when Sonya said she laughed at your subject line

you took that totally wrong....Jill is correct. The "no fights" thing is what I was referring to...it's not often that people can have a debate on this forum without fighting and/or feelings getting hurt.

I was not at all poking fun at the subject matter at all...although I did find bingo's comment, the zebra, and picnic table comment funny which had nothing to do with Ashley's thread.

A little laughter could do some people good!

 

[bingo]

I was going to stay out of this ...but, as far as the comment Bingo made and then it put into quotations as funny.

I thought that was rude and uncalled for. This is a family forum with all ages reading.

Lisa F while I appreciate your opinion personally if my child is not old enough to read about sex, testicles, ovary's, young horses finishing the job before they get inside the mare and other subjects frequently talked about on this forum then they are not old enough to be on the Internet with no supervision!

 

[Laura]

I think this could have been a good topic...why it had to get out of hand and start with all the ..well..I won't even say. It is extremely rude and childish

[SIZE=12pt]I think some of the comments are HILARIOUS, some I agree with and others I won't comment on because I can't do so nicely.[/SIZE]

I do want to add that the 3 lesbian couples I have been and am VERY good friends with are the most stable, most understanding and LONGEST relationships I'm had the pleasure to witness.

 

[Magic]

I have quite a few friends and aquaintances who are gay, and though the subject never came up when my children were younger of them having a sleep-over at a friend's who had gay parents, it would have been fine with me if, as others have said, I knew the people and knew them to be good parents.

I consider it none of my business what other people do behind closed bedroom doors, and I really don't WANT to, whether gay or straight or whatever.

 

[Lisa Strass]

A slightly different perspective to the original question:

As a relatively young elemenatry aged child, I spent the night at a gay couple's house several times. Guess what - I had no idea at the time! I just thought my friend lived with her mom and her mom's friend. Yes, I was naive, but no big deal!

(My parents knew and filled me in many years later.)

Kids will usually ask the questions when they need an explanation.

 

[OhHorsePee]

Oh geesh! Now come on. Who cares who is sleeping with whom as long as it's not with the one you are sleeping with? Do I think it is a choice to be gay? I dunno! I do think it is a choice whom you have sexual intercourse with whether it is male or female. Might not be feeling of contentment as it would be with whomever you were truely wanting BUT the act itself I would say is chosen. Does that make sence? That is like saying I would not CHOOSE to have sex with Mel Gibson. Actually I would choose to but since I am with Ron and we only have a queen size bed it would be crowded. How would I feel about being with a partner that is from the the Non-to-me desired sex? ICK! So if I choose to be happy and comfortable in my hetrosexual self am I to be looked down on? NAH! So why would a person look down on a homosexual person? *SHRUGS* Now, I do not believe slobbering all over a person in public is the thing to do whether a person is gay or straight.

 

[LisaF.]

Bingo..that's your children...that's my children...( although my children are grown)....but, what about the parents that don't care what they do? What if a 6 year old is looking up horses and came on this thread. ( believe me 6 year olds know how to work a computer..you should see my nephew)

What if a child is confused and reading this thread? I think the converstation would have been better without some of the not so clean talk..jokes..however you want to put it.

I think post like Adam's is what we need.

Or just stick to the question Ashley added. ( Even though I didn't) I did stay out of it until I seen those comments. Although I was reading because it was an interesting topic.

Sonya, I apologize I took it you were laughing at Ashley. I don't like to see anyone laughed at for any reason. So, I am sorry I took that wrong.

This is off subject ..but, I really wish someone could explain this to me. I am not being sarcastic I am truly serious. People say it is not a choice ...what about the people that are attracted to both sexes? Now, that is where I get confused.

Saying that...I feel like it is morally wrong...but, I also feel like GOD Loves us all.

Saying that I have faults just like anyone. No one is perfect.

 

[Jill]

This is off subject ..but, I really wish someone could explain this to me. I am not being sarcastic I am truly serious. People say it is not a choice ...what about the people that are attracted to both sexes? Now, that is where I get confused.

I think that those people also don't choose so much. I assume you, like me, are attracted to men... but I can find all types of men attractive. Does that make sense? People who are bi-sexual I guess find both sexes attractive.

I could say something about them having twice as many options as those who only like men, or only like women, but not sure everyone would get I'm trying to lighten the mood

 

[alongman]

Adam --

I know it is not a choice. What I meant is I'll be happy when "everyone" knows and the studies and research are more widely known and accepted by everyone. I already understand, but a lot of others don't.

Jill

Jill -

I doubt that there will ever be an "everyone" consensus on the topic of sexuality or the things that go along with it (kids, marriage, sleep-overs, etc...). Even with the mountains of documentation, people will always be able to find the exception that makes it wrong or socially unacceptable. The only thing that has changed from elementary school when we said, "it's my game and I make the rules....so there", is that now as adults, we still claim to make the rules about what is right and wrong expecting people to follow our "normal" lives.

I never once have asked people to be supportive of my lifestyle - I have presented myself as I am with the hopes that they would see me for who I am. I don't introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Adam - I'm gay". Instead, I let people see all the other things I am first - an avid horseman, a medical professional, a caring and compassionate person, a brother, son, uncle, grandson. A person with many interests including the outdoors, watching movies, exploring the dining options in Minneapolis, theater and working out. Oh, by the way, I'm gay.

I hope that if people become comfortable with me for being ME, then it won't matter, if years from now, our children want to hang out and spend time together. I'm just me.