Serious question......please no fights

[Jill]

Adam, you don't need to convince me. I'm already on your side

 

[alongman]

This is off subject ..but, I really wish someone could explain this to me. I am not being sarcastic I am truly serious. People say it is not a choice ...what about the people that are attracted to both sexes? Now, that is where I get confused.

I think that those people also don't choose so much. I assume you, like me, are attracted to men... but I can find all types of men attractive. Does that make sense? People who are bi-sexual I guess find both sexes attractive.

I could say something about them having twice as many options as those who only like men, or only like women, but not sure everyone would get I'm trying to lighten the mood

I just want to comment on this - I'm not attracted to all men. I have a very specific type of person that I'm attracted to (I can send details if you want or know of someone who would fit the bill

) - they must be physically attractive to me and an incredibly sweet and genuine person on the inside too. I think it's interesting when guys get shy around me for "fear" that they are being hit on. Believe me, 99% of them are NOT. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to sleep with EVERY man. I have several friends who are bisexual, they find certain qualities in both genders attractive - again, wouldn't sleep with EVERY man and woman that they ran into.

Jill -

I know you're on my side. It's just a topic that I'm passionate about. If someone wants to not like me, thats fine! There are people I don't care for either. But, let it be for WHO I am, not who I choose to be in a relationship with.

Adam

 

[LisaF.]

Adam...You made me laugh.....I like you already and I have never met you.

I still can't wrap my mind around bi-sexuals. Yes, I am attracted to men ( I have been married for 26 years). Give me George Cloony and my husband and I may have to have a little talk...LOL.

I agree with you Adam...if I was in the dating scene...there would be men I would be attracted to and some I would not. I still can't wrap my mind around how you ( not you) just people that are could be attracted to both. Maybe I will never understand that I don't know.

I am sorry...I should have stayed out of this...because I don't know what I am talking about.

All I do know is God is our Judge ( not people). God is the only one that knows our true hearts ( not anyone in this world does).

God loves all of us and gives us Free Will

This is my oppinion anyway.

 

[kaykay]

I could care less what someone's sexual preference is. And gosh we do hug and cuddle when the kids have friends over (and been married going on 24 years) When did that become "not normal" LOL. We dont make out but we do have PDA and I wouldnt have it any other way.

Totally off topic but

Adam Im so excited as you are judging here in Ohio soon. Im hoping to make it so I can meet you!!

Kay

 

[alongman]

I hope so too Kay Kay...... that's probably been one of the best parts of judging - finally putting faces with the names.

I do think that hugging or being somewhat friendly with your partner is "normal" but also agree that it shouldn't be anything more in front of children than what you would do in, say, front of your grandmother.

 

[Reijel's Mom]

I just want to comment on this - I'm not attracted to all men. I have a very specific type of person that I'm attracted to (I can send details if you want or know of someone who would fit the bill

) - they must be physically attractive to me and an incredibly sweet and genuine person on the inside too. I think it's interesting when guys get shy around me for "fear" that they are being hit on. Believe me, 99% of them are NOT. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to sleep with EVERY man. I have several friends who are bisexual, they find certain qualities in both genders attractive - again, wouldn't sleep with EVERY man and woman that they ran into.

Adam - I think in most respects people that are gay and people that aren't are not really all that different. I would HOPE that most people realize that just because you are gay doesn't mean you are attracted to ALL men. Just like I as a straight gal am not. And I know my straight husband isn't attracted to ALL women, either.

But I do understand it must be interesting that guys get shy around you for fear that you are hitting on them. I would be thinking "please don't flatter yourself!"

 

[minimama]

This just hits way too close to home and is such a hard subject for me. I would also go on a person to person basis. I know way too many people that are just not good and would not allow my kids to even go visit at there house without me there too.

But, I was on the other side and was the child asking to have the friend over. My dad was gay. I only had one friend that would come over. Parents were not allowed to know about dad and "Uncle". My very best friend would have nothing to do with me when my dad came out and left us. She was convinced that it was contagious. See why this is a tough subject for me?

That said, I am still waiting on Matt and his partner to come visit and stay with us. I promise not to freak you out by humping on the couch! OH!

Oh, and yes, I do have small children. I wish this was not an issue and in truth wish gay did not exist, as in , everyone was straight. I think it would be so much easier on everyone just to be the same, but, this is our life and our world as we live in it. Not accepting it will not make it better or make it go away. And, I would certainly love and accept my child if they ended up being gay. I would love them and enjoy them for just who they are. Being gay culd never change the fact that they are my beautiful child anymore than it changed the fact that he was my wonderful dad.

 

[Matt73]

This just hits way too close to home and is such a hard subject for me. I would also go on a person to person basis. I know way too many people that are just not good and would not allow my kids to even go visit at there house without me there too.

But, I was on the other side and was the child asking to have the friend over. My dad was gay. I only had one friend that would come over. Parents were not allowed to know about dad and "Uncle". My very best friend would have nothing to do with me when my dad came out and left us. She was convinced that it was contagious. See why this is a tough subject for me?

That said, I am still waiting on Matt and his partner to come visit and stay with us. I promise not to freak you out by humping on the couch! OH!

Oh, and yes, I do have small children. I wish this was not an issue and in truth wish gay did not exist, as in , everyone was straight. I think it would be so much easier on everyone just to be the same, but, this is our life and our world as we live in it. Not accepting it will not make it better or make it go away. And, I would certainly love and accept my child if they ended up being gay. I would love them and enjoy them for just who they are. Being gay culd never change the fact that they are my beautiful child anymore than it changed the fact that he was my wonderful dad.

Awwww.

Thanks Stacy! You are a sweety. My sister came out after having two kids. They have both adjusted well to the "surprise". She is married to a wonderful woman now and is so happy. I'm sure if you were a kid now with your dad being gay, you would have had an easier time. Kudos to you for dealing with it and still loving your pops! We will definitely meet up one day! Can't wait!

 

[Brandi*]

I would like to address this statement. And no this is not directed at you Adam. This statement just made me start thinking about my feelings on this subject.

"I don't introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Adam - I'm gay".

I was raised pentecostal and it was drilled into me that the "gay" lifestyle was not how God intended things to be. Having said that, these days I find myself questioning everything I was ever taught. I like to think of myself as an accepting and open minded individual. I don't know if it's right or if it's wrong and really, it's not my place to say what it is. The only time I get annoyed is when I meet someone who is gay and they make it a point to "let me know" they are. I don't walk around saying "Hi I'm Brandi and I'm straight". Nor do I walk around with a "non rainbow" flag, shirt, belt or anything else in order to let people know that I'm not gay. So in that respect I really don't like it when a gay person feels the need to "broadcast" their preference. Sometimes I feel that these individuals that are "broadcasting" are lacking attention in their life and are just really trying to fill that void any way they can. I do not think this is the case with all gay people, but I have seen quite a few that prove my point. One of my best friends in high school was gay. I never knew he was at the time but when I found him on myspace recently it was clear and he had even posted that he is. Do I think less of him? Absolutely NOT! I loved him dearly and still do!

I just feel, if your comfortable with yourself and who you are then you don't need to constantly be trying to get acceptance from people you don't even know.

 

[Matt73]

I would like to address this statement. And no this is not directed at you Adam. This statement just made me start thinking about my feelings on this subject.

"I don't introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Adam - I'm gay".

I was raised pentecostal and it was drilled into me that the "gay" lifestyle was not how God intended things to be. Having said that, these days I find myself questioning everything I was ever taught. I like to think of myself as an accepting and open minded individual. I don't know if it's right or if it's wrong and really, it's not my place to say what it is. The only time I get annoyed is when I meet someone who is gay and they make it a point to "let me know" they are. I don't walk around saying "Hi I'm Brandi and I'm straight". Nor do I walk around with a "non rainbow" flag, shirt, belt or anything else in order to let people know that I'm not gay. So in that respect I really don't like it when a gay person feels the need to "broadcast" their preference. Sometimes I feel that these individuals that are "broadcasting" are lacking attention in their life and are just really trying to fill that void any way they can. I do not think this is the case with all gay people, but I have seen quite a few that prove my point. One of my best friends in high school was gay. I never knew he was at the time but when I found him on myspace recently it was clear and he had even posted that he is. Do I think less of him? Absolutely NOT! I loved him dearly and still do!

I just feel, if your comfortable with yourself and who you are then you don't need to constantly be trying to get acceptance from people you don't even know.

I don't "advertise" it either. However, I'm not ashamed to tell the truth about myself. Just curious. How do you see someone saying they're gay as trying to gain acceptance? If anything, the person faces a very real risk of rejection and, at worst, physical violence. Now, having said that, I was very blessed to have been born in the largest, most accepting Canadian city. I had a very positive experience. But I've travelled a lot. There are many places on the planet that think that being gay=target. Also, I have some very flamboyant friends and I have gay friends that one would never guess were gay. They are all great people.

 

[ChrystalPaths]

Well I am glad my Zebra remark was met with smiles but I was serious. I am co-raising my grandson and I know many good people and many not so good. I can't remember asking what they enjoy privately..that said I think this sad ole world needs a bit more courtesy, kindness and love in all colors, shapes, sizes and types. I asked Matt to take my horses if I died a while back because as a Human being I felt he was a good one. I still do and his preference for partner had nothing to do with it.

 

[Brandi*]

"Just curious. How do you see someone saying they're gay as trying to gain acceptance?"

I guess it's because I live about an hour and a half away from San Francisco. There are a lot of people around here that make "coming out" their sole purpose in life everyday. I just feel that if gays want to be accepted just as "straight" people are then they have to stop drawing so much attention to themselves. (As stated in previous post, this is not directed at ALL gay people, just some) Like I said before, "straight" people don't run around telling people that they like to sleep with men or women every chance they get.

If someone tells me they are gay after we have started getting to know each other I would not think that they were trying to gain acceptance. I would assume they were wanting me to know them better. The issue for me comes in when I meet someone and right away they tell me they are gay and ask me if I have a problem with it. That, to me is trying to pick a fight. I almost feel like they are wanting me to say "Yes I have a problem with it. Of course I don't because I really don't care either way. I have had this happen both at work and at school. Unless I am getting to know someone really well, frankly I really don't want to know their personal business. If someone feels secure within themselves they won't feel the need to find out if someone is ok with how they are.

Again, maybe I have encountered this more because of where I live. I know I have met very nice people that are gay and seem very comfortable in their skin.

I hope no one is offended by what I have said here. It is only my feelings and thoughts on the subject. It is not written in stone.

I would like to address this statement. And no this is not directed at you Adam. This statement just made me start thinking about my feelings on this subject.

"I don't introduce myself as, "Hi, I'm Adam - I'm gay".

I was raised pentecostal and it was drilled into me that the "gay" lifestyle was not how God intended things to be. Having said that, these days I find myself questioning everything I was ever taught. I like to think of myself as an accepting and open minded individual. I don't know if it's right or if it's wrong and really, it's not my place to say what it is. The only time I get annoyed is when I meet someone who is gay and they make it a point to "let me know" they are. I don't walk around saying "Hi I'm Brandi and I'm straight". Nor do I walk around with a "non rainbow" flag, shirt, belt or anything else in order to let people know that I'm not gay. So in that respect I really don't like it when a gay person feels the need to "broadcast" their preference. Sometimes I feel that these individuals that are "broadcasting" are lacking attention in their life and are just really trying to fill that void any way they can. I do not think this is the case with all gay people, but I have seen quite a few that prove my point. One of my best friends in high school was gay. I never knew he was at the time but when I found him on myspace recently it was clear and he had even posted that he is. Do I think less of him? Absolutely NOT! I loved him dearly and still do!

I just feel, if your comfortable with yourself and who you are then you don't need to constantly be trying to get acceptance from people you don't even know.

I don't "advertise" it either. However, I'm not ashamed to tell the truth about myself. Just curious. How do you see someone saying they're gay as trying to gain acceptance? If anything, the person faces a very real risk of rejection and, at worst, physical violence. Now, having said that, I was very blessed to have been born in the largest, most accepting Canadian city. I had a very positive experience. But I've travelled a lot. There are many places on the planet that think that being gay=target. Also, I have some very flamboyant friends and I have gay friends that one would never guess were gay. They are all great people.

 

[Matt73]

Well I am glad my Zebra remark was met with smiles but I was serious. I am co-raising my grandson and I know many good people and many not so good. I can't remember asking what they enjoy privately..that said I think this sad ole world needs a bit more courtesy, kindness and love in all colors, shapes, sizes and types. I asked Matt to take my horses if I died a while back because as a Human being I felt he was a good one. I still do and his preference for partner had nothing to do with it.

 

[New_Image]

Just my two cents on the comment of "Gay is not a choice, just as you can't choose to be strait" or however it was put...

In my home being gay was not even a thought of option had I awoke one day and decided I loved girls. It would go against what I believe, what my family believes, how I was raised and most importantly what the Bible says.

(Although let me tell you, sometimes I think it would be EASIER to be in a relationship with a female!

)

But I believe there is always a choice in the matter and I chose to follow God.

I have a friend who is gay so no one get the wrong impression here, I guess with him I've just left it at you believe what you believe and I believe my way.

 

[alongman]

In my home being gay was not even a thought of option had I awoke one day and decided I loved girls. It would go against what I believe, what my family believes, how I was raised and most importantly what the Bible says.

But I believe there is always a choice in the matter and I chose to follow God.

First, I think we have hugely strayed from Ashley's original posting. I apologize Ashley - I believe you are a good mother-figure to your son. He couldn't be more lucky. You're an amazing person and I would encourage anyone to let their child go to your house. Not because of anything dealing with your sexuality but because you are an incredibly responsible person who would have a childs best interest in mind.

Secondly, I was certainly hoping that religion would not come into play as this is a touchy subject with me. I was raised in the church and still choose to go. My entire family goes - no one has dared to say that because I am gay I have chosen NOT to follow a life in the church. How pretentious!!!

I love the following article - if you accurately translate the Bible verses, you will find some interesting things. Not all translations are accurate you may understand. Read on:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (NIV).

While the scripture may sound clear, the debate actually surrounds the use of the Greek word that this particular version of the Bible translates as "homosexual offenders." The term is "arsenokoite." Some say that it is a reference to male prostitutes rather than to two committed homosexuals. Yet, others argue that Paul, who wrote the passage, would not have repeated "male prostitutes" twice. Even others argue that the two root words in arsenokoite are the same terms used to prohibit any premarital or extramarital sexual relations, so they may not refer to homosexual relations alone.

 

[tagalong]

There are a lot of people around here that make "coming out" their sole purpose in life everyday.

I do not mind what people decide to do/announce for themsleves.... but the need some have - especially the media when it comes to celebrities - to out others (even if they are not gay but only suspected of being so) bothers me. The need to slap on labels. "That One is gay - and oh - you know This One is gay.... I mean - c'mon - look at him!! You can tell!"

HUH?

Some of the most "macho" guys I ever knew were gay - and went against all the supposed stereotypes. And some dear male friends who fit most of the accepted stereotypes were straight. Go figure.

If I had kids - I would have no isses whatsoever with them staying at a gay couple's house. Love is what makes a family... and IMO that love does not have to fit within select parameters.

I could say something about them having twice as many options as those who only like men, or only like women, but not sure everyone would get I'm trying to lighten the mood

You could always say - they would have the best of both worlds...

I do think that hugging or being somewhat friendly with your partner is "normal" but also agree that it shouldn't be anything more in front of children than what you would do in, say, front of your grandmother.

Bolding mine. Well, I guess that everyone would sit around and bake cookies then

- because my little Swedish grandma would blush if you even hugged. Even if you hugged her.

That same little grandma once approached me... in apparent agony. Wanting to ask me a question - and yet not being able to say it. She was soooo uncomfortable. But after some stilted conversation I could see where she was going. My cousin had come out to the family - and introduced his partner - about a month ealrier. So now dear little Grandma had looked around and noticed that I was the oldest cousin and not married and there was no boyfriend in sight... and well.....

So she would not have to ask The Question - I told her that no, I was not gay. Just unlucky. Or stupid. Or both.

She was soooo relieved. Not that I was not gay - but that she had not had to ask me.

 

[FairytailGlennMinis]

I have watched this a bit and am so glad to see people being mostly civil. One of my mother's best friends was gay and I was probably about 8 when it hit me. I never thought about it really--it was like "and??" it didn't change who he was. I know my "uncle KC" kept my sister and I for weekends from time to time and we would go to the park, go out to eat, play catch...it was never made into an issue. I think it is the parents that make it an issue TO the kids...so why give your kids a complex?

I have a big problem with churches telling us that this is evil and a massive sin. I see hiding who you are and lying to yourself and others to be a bigger crime. My best friend from high school who I love dearly is gay...I have always known it and we have discussed it many many times. He hides it and acts macho...was even a real "womanizer". sigh. He has been married for about 5 years now and has a one year old little girl. He is still gay and still lying...that is a much bigger problem as I see it. It is a problem for him...for his wife that has no clue (and thinks he just has low libido) and for the guy he is still in love with as well. He is trying so hard to "not be gay"....isn't that deception worse? Wouldn't THAT be a bigger crime against God? He wants a family and a steady life and he sees that this is the only way to do that. It makes me very, very sad.

1 mommy and 1 daddy families are no longer the majority "norm"...let's teach our kids to look at character instead, huh?

To the original post--If the people were those I trusted then I wouldn't even consider their sexual orientation.

 

[Matt73]

Just my two cents on the comment of "Gay is not a choice, just as you can't choose to be strait" or however it was put...

In my home being gay was not even a thought of option had I awoke one day and decided I loved girls. It would go against what I believe, what my family believes, how I was raised and most importantly what the Bible says.

(Although let me tell you, sometimes I think it would be EASIER to be in a relationship with a female!

)

But I believe there is always a choice in the matter and I chose to follow God.

I have a friend who is gay so no one get the wrong impression here, I guess with him I've just left it at you believe what you believe and I believe my way.

You can't wake up one day and "decide to be gay". It's not an option one chooses. You can be gay and follow God. There are many gay pastors. There is an all inclusive United church in Toronto that is predominantly gay with a gay pastor. It's not as black and white as you make it out to be.

 

[SammyL]

Granted, I am only 18. BUT, if I had children, and I knew the couple well it would not be a problem for me.

My uncle is gay, and his chosen life partner is a large black man. It is rather funny to see a skinny white guy at Darryl's family reunions.

But I love both of them, despite sexual preference.

I learned my uncle was gay when I was about 10 or 11. My mother told me, and I looked at her, and said, "I just thought it was because he couldn't get a date!"

Plus, a very good friend of mine, who was my date to prom is gay. In fact, many of my friends are either gay or bisexual. It doesn't matter to me, I love them all the same.

Another thing, if I let my child stay over there, I would hope that PDA would be discreet or nonexisistant while the said friend is over, just as it is at my house.

 

[Ashley]

You can't wake up one day and "decide to be gay". It's not an option one chooses. You can be gay and follow God. There are many gay pastors. There is an all inclusive United church in Toronto that is predominantly gay with a gay pastor. It's not as black and white as you make it out to be.

I am not big into religion but my other half is. We have a church here like that as well. Everybody is allowed there, but it is majority gay, the one pastor is a married lesbian women. I am not sure if the guy is gay or not.